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WHISTLING
# I'm going straight, I am
# Straight as an arrow
# I've paid the price
# And done me time
# I'm going straight, I am
# Along the straight and narrow
# And I don't mean
straight back to crime.
#
Sign it.
You what?
The receipt, sign it.
What, just like that?
Without so much as a cursory perusal?
What's to peruse?
These are my possessions here,
Mr Kirby, what I come in with.
It may very well be that during
the intervening years, well
Well, what? Well, I'm just saying.
Just saying what? You know
Fletcher, are you implying
there are people in this prison
who might resort to stealing?
Yeah, about 800 of them.
What, steal this rubbish?! It's not
rubbish, these are my possessions.
Go on, check 'em off.
If anything's missing,
take it up with Lloyds.
One penknife, tartan.
Yes.
One belt, brown.
Yes.
One South African shilling.
Eh?
Oh, yeah, look at that.
One tin of corn plasters.
Yeah.
One Hang on, hold your horses,
hold your horses.
One tin of corn plasters -
containing
one, two, three, four -
one of these is missing, look.
Can we get on?
You don't get bad feet, do you?
Where's my billiard chalk?
Someone's used that and all.
It's got a hole in.
One billiard chalk - used.
One keyring, Tottenham Hotspur,
two keys.
Yeah.
One receipt, shoe repairers.
Oh, that's what it is, yeah.
Look at that.
Brown brogue,
soled and heeled.
I wonder if they're ready yet?
One Ladbrokes pocket diary for 1974.
Yeah, that's right.
Hang on, just have a shufti here.
See what I've writ here.
Look at that, see?
No entry after September 11th,
that fateful day.
I've written, "A tragic misdirection
of a jury by a biased judge.
"
£1 each way, Laughing Boy, Haydock
Park.
You spelt "biased" wrong.
Yeah, spelt "Laughing Boy" wrong
and all.
It should have been Red Rum.
Look at that.
"Fond farewell to wife and family.
"Remind our Ingrid
to collect my shoe repairs.
"
Can we get on?
Not much of a sentimentalist,
are you? No.
You know, Mr Kirby, in all the time
I've been staying at this hotel,
I don't think
I've ever seen you smile.
Fletcher, you haven't been out for
three and a half years.
Three years, eight months, four days,
Sir.
Let me promise you something.
There's precious little
to smile about out there.
To you, maybe not, no.
But what you take for granted
will be objects of unsurpassable joy
to me, you know.
Like having hot water to shave in,
clean sheets,
The right to
sit on your own lavatory
for as long as it takes
to read The Sun.
About a minute and a half.
Privacy, warmth,
no smell of disinfectant
or waterlogged cabbage.
The right to sit by
the flickering flames
of your own artificial log gas fire.
Gas bills, hot water bills
all sorts of bills.
Bigger bills than when you came in.
Privacy, warmthin a dole queue?
I'll be all right.
Oh, well, if the worst
comes to the worst,
you can always send this lot
up to Sotheby's for auction.
Good luck, son.
Not before time, is it?
I've done my porridge.
Aye, you're right.
Your time will come, don't worry.
I'm
the last of our little crowd, eh?
Yes, our little sewing circle, yes.
Lenny's gone, Warren, Lukewarm
They've all embarked on
their fresh starts in life.
Some more fresh than others.
I had a letter from Lukewarm.
Hey, how's he doing? Not too good,
his case comes up on Wednesday.
No.
He's only been out three months.
It's a bit difficult for him, being
a bitlilac, you know what I mean?
Who cares? Everybody's tolerant
about things like that.
Not in Middlesbrough, Jock.
No, no, no.
What did they do him for, anyway?
Who, Lukewarm?
Stealing a lady's handbag.
Of course he swears it was a mistake.
He said he reckoned it was his own.
It's not easy, Fletch.
We know that.
We've both been in and out
often enough.
Yes, well, this is it for me.
Oh, aye.
I know, I've said it all before.
Yeah, I know I have.
But now, at my age, I've decided
it's time I started to act my age.
Do you know, there's very few
people in any prisons who're over 35.
Did you know that?
It's surprising, isn't it?
Well, this time for me it's not,
"Au revoir," it is, "Goodbye," right?
I'm 45, you know.
45 years of age.
And I've worked out that I've spent
about seven days - on average -
seven days out of every 30
in some nick or another.
That's a week in every month, innit?
Shocking waste.
I've done worse than you,
in and out since I was 14.
And before that
there was the orphanage,
which was another kind of prison.
It is more difficult for your lot,
there's a lot of prejudice
against you.
It's not easy being half-black.
I'm not talking about
being half-black,
I'm talking about being half-Scotch.
Dinnae be daft.
People are not
prejudiced against the Scots.
I am.
You are.
That's because Mackay's a
Scot.
It's Mackay you hate, really.
You've noticed, have you? You know,
you're lucky he's not black,
then you wouldn't be allowed
to hate him, would you?
That is true.
That's very true, yeah.
I shall miss hating him, though.
If there was two things I could take
away from this prison as souvenirs,
do you know what they'd be?
What? I'll give you a clue.
They both belong to Mr Mackay.
Well, off you go, then.
Just a minute, just a minute.
Left something behind, have you?
Yeah, three and a half years
of my life.
Right, then, off you go.
I want to hear this door
shut behind me first.
I'm supposed to see you
off the premises.
Why? Do you think I'm going to try
and get back in, do you?
Some would like to,
they can't face it outside.
Listen mate, you're never going to
see me hammering on this door,
crying, "Let me in," I'll tell you.
Right then.
You'd better move on a bit sharpish.
All right.
All right.
Oi.
Oi! Let me in.
Beer, please.
What's up?
Oh, it doesn't matter.
JC.
Oh, and one cheese and tomato,
please.
I haven't got any.
Oh, well, ham will do, then.
There's no sandwiches,
I haven't make them up yet.
What have you got, then?
Scotch eggs.
I'm not eating Scotch eggs!
I'm not eating anything Scotch.
You haven't got any Welsh eggs,
have you?
I'll have a sausage roll,
providing it's English.
Just sold the last one.
Pork pie? Sorry.
All right,
let's start again, shall we?
I am famished, what can you offer me?
Kit Kat.
Just a beer, here you are.
What's this? Two bob, 10p.
I want another 16p.
26p for a beer!
Of course it is, where've you been?
Prison!
For grievous bodily harm.
I see.
You accept
South African shillings, do you?
Well, you do now.
Yeah, well, I'll make you
another sandwich straight away.
Cheese and tomato, wasn't it? Yeah.
McEwans Tartan
and a Johnnie Walker on the side.
Oi! I said, a McEwans
I heard you.
Take that to him over there,
will you?
I believe this is yours.
Thank you, Mr Mackay.
Good God!
Now, don't pretend you're surprised.
You must have known I was on this
train.
What is this, surveillance?
It slipped my mind entirely.
I'd have caught the earlier train.
The feeling is mutual.
Oi!
Oh, you with him, then?
In a manner of speaking, yes.
We are
We are from the same establishment.
Oh, I see.
Sorry, sir.
The beer, the whisky.
How much is that?
No, it's all right, no rush.
You might want some more.
So? So, what?
First taste of freedom, is it?
Expensive taste.
Cost of living.
Well, sit down.
You're making the place look untidy.
Ironical twist of fate, this,
isn't it?
Because it was you
who first brung me up here, eh?
You and old Mr Barrowclough,
all them years ago.
Going down for some other
poor old nerk now, are you?
No, personal reasons.
Oh, yeah?
Must be going to the smoke, are you?
Oh, yes.
Why?
None of your business.
Oh, it's that personal, is it, eh?
What's her name?
None of your lip, Fletcher!
Oi, oi, oi!
You can't talk to me like that now.
Oh no, you mustn't point
your little miniature at me now.
I'm a free man now.
You and me - equal, right? Never!
Never, Fletcher,
not in a million years.
Oh, funeral, is it? What?
Going to a funeral at
the great metropolis, are you?
Fletcher, I've no wish to discuss
my private affairs
with the likes of you.
Well, let's see
If it's not a woman -
and come to think of it,
it couldn't be, not in that hat.
Erm You're not going down
for a course, are you?
Because you went to Godalming
last year for one.
You're not going on leave,
because you had two weeks at Easter.
Remember? You went to Aberdeen,
it peed down.
Do you remember that?
You're not going up for
a promotional board
because they passed you over
last November.
How do you know all this, Fletcher?
Nothing is hidden in the nick,
Mr Mackay.
Of course, your birthday
is coming up soon, isn't it?
April 23rd - Taurus.
The bull, very appropriate.
Now, what's my birthday got to do
with anything, eh? Nothing.
Unless you're coming up to
compulsory retirement age.
Oh, yeah.
That's it, is it?
55, yes.
"Thanks very much, goodbye" time.
What are they going to give you,
a golden truncheon?
A digital clock.
Oh, dear.
Here, two whiskeys, doubles.
Yes, sir.
You're going for a job,
that's your interview suit.
None of your business.
You and me both.
That's ironical and all, innit?
We've both led very different
lives over the past 25 years
and now here we are
in the same boat
Jobless.
I beg your pardon!
Fletcher, at least
do me the courtesy
of not putting me
on the same footing as you.
It's right though.
We're both in the same dole queue.
Not me.
Oh, really? Have you got
the qualifications to leapfrog
the million and a quarter unemployed?
There must still be room
in this country
for an honest, diligent,
industrious man
willing to do a hard day's work
for a fair day's pay.
Oh, well, I'm not sure about that.
Industrious, diligent, honest
that would make you a unique case.
They wouldn't know
what to do with you.
TANNOY
'This is Stafford.
This is Stafford.
'The train now approaching
Platform One
'is the 1.
18 from Carlisle.
'Calling at Rugby, Watford Junction
and London Euston only'
Oi! Oaksey.
Come on.
Wait for me!
That's a job you could do, you know.
Pardon?
Guard, on a train.
Yeah.
Suit you, that would.
Uniform man.
Exchange your truncheon
for a flag and whistle.
I intend to seek a position
with a little more dignity
than a railway guard.
Traffic warden?
Why do you assume
that I need a uniform?
Because you've always had one.
You've always hidden behind that
mantle of security, haven't you? Eh?
When you were a boy you left school
in schoolboy uniform,
straight into the Army.
Boy soldier,
right the way up to sergeant major.
It's all in your file, I've read it.
I only became a boy solider
out of experience.
Too many mouths in our family
to feed.
Lanarkshire coalfields,
unemployment, hard times.
I can't argue.
The Army became a kind of a home,
but one that I was
grateful and proud to serve.
Then you went straight into
the prison service.
You've never been out in the cold,
have you? You're wrong there.
Absolutely wrong.
Let me tell you,
between 1951 and 1953
My wife, Marie and I ran
a boarding house in Peebles
The Strathclyde.
Ah, that would have been cold.
Yes, right.
But that didn't last five minutes,
did it?
How do you know that?
That was never in my file.
It stands to reason, doesn't it?
With Sergeant Major Mackay
as a landlady, eh?
"Lights out, ten o'clock,
stand by your beds!
"Who left that kipper here?"
Oh, yes, you can laugh, Fletcher,
you can laugh.
Strathclyde took most of my savings.
It took most of my demob pay,
I tried to re-enlist.
I joined the prison service instead.
25 years later, out to pasture.
Like some retired pit pony.
Yes, but you uniform men all
make the same mistake, you see.
You all do.
Screws, cops, soldiers.
You all think your loyalty
is eternally appreciated
by them you serve.
The Force, The Regiment
"Oh, they'll look after us.
"
You seem to think there's some
sort of father figure up there
who looks after his own.
But there's not, you know.
There's not.
There's just a computer, that's all.
A big computer decides when your
time's up and gives you the chop.
Or, in your case, the clock.
It's criminal, Fletcher.
Criminal!
Of course it is,
that's why I know so much about it.
Listen, you are in a very precarious
position, do you know that?
I've seen it all happen.
Bitterness leads to resentment, you
think the world owes you a living
You'll probably finish up in the
dock.
The dock? Yeah, the dock.
On some pathetic little charge
Stealing a tin of Duraglit
out of Tescos
So you can polish up your medals
and take them to the pawn shop.
Listen, if I was you, Fletcher,
I'd pay a little less heed to my
future and a bit more to your own.
You're not exactly
a bright prospect, are you?
No.
But I have no illusions, you see.
I've got no illusions.
I expect naff-all from society,
so I shan't be disappointed.
You'll be back.
Let me tell you,
Fletcher, the straight and narrow
No, the straight and narrow
is not as easy as you think.
You'll be back in crime
in five minutes.
You'll be back inside
in five months.
In YOUR uniform.
No, no.
I'm going straight.
Ho! I know,
you've heard it all before
and that's because
I've said it all before.
But the point is, when I said it
before, I didn't mean it.
I just used to say it for the
parole board.
This time I am legit.
What will you do, man?
What will you do?
I'll do the same as you, I suppose.
I'll just pray
that somebody gives us a break.
Have I offended you?
No, I'm just going to
pay the water bill.
Oh, right.
Have one for me, will you?
It'll save me getting up.
Here, do you mind if I tidy this
lot up? I do wish you would.
Would you like to settle up now?
No, he's got all my money.
Hey, Fletch!
It is Fletch, isn't it?
Possibly.
Oaksey, remember? Oaksey.
We did time together, Maidstone.
Oaksey, Oaksey.
How are you, Oaksey?
It's old Oaksey.
I heard you've been sent up again.
Yeah, yeah, well you heard right,
then.
How long have you been out?
Oh, ages and ages.
About three hours.
You mean this is
Yeah, I'm just going home now.
Never.
It's true, it's true.
What plans have you got?
My plans at the moment are
very fluid.
I'll have a Scotch.
I, er I suppose you must be
a bit short just at the moment, eh?
I'm not exactly flush.
Well, I won't be a moment, Fletch.
Here, you seem to know
a lot of people on this train.
So?
You're not planning to
knock it off, are you?
Not till we've drunk all the beer.
Mr Tanner, listen.
Why aren't you watching our bag?
The bag - that's just it.
Look, I've just met someone.
Someone
Someone who could maybe
take the bag off for us.
Who?
A mate of mine,
he's just come out of Slade Prison.
He needs a penny or two.
If Lilly Law's rumbled us,
they'll be waiting, right?
So, my mate can take it off for us,
see? He's very reliable.
You know, he's solid.
How solid?
Well, I mean, he's one of us.
Always has been.
He's in the buffet, you can judge
for yourself.
I'll introduce you.
No, you get back.
Keep your eye on that bag.
Feel better for that, do you?
Shouldn't we have got another couple
in? Oh, that's a good idea, yeah.
While you're doing that,
I'll go and let a couple out.
I beg your pardon? I'm going
to have my first civilian slash.
Morning.
Morning.
Morning to you.
Someone just mentioned to me
that you are on your way
from Slade Prison.
Oh.
Who might that be?
Oh, a friend of mine.
The chances are, if you recognise me
they're no friend of mine.
On the contrary, he spoke
very highly of you.
Did he?
He said you were a man of integrity,
a man one could trust.
Well, I like to think so.
Erm, London? Yes.
And then what?
Well, it depends how I get fixed up.
Are you looking for a job?
A position, position.
Perhaps I could help you there.
I hardly May I? Please do.
Thank you.
I mean, would I have
the qualifications?
Oh, trust, integrity.
Absolutely!
£1.
38.
Oh, no, no, allow me.
No.
No, no.
Thank you so much.
Keep the change.
Thank you.
Argyll.
What? Your tie.
Argyll and Southerland Highlanders,
isn't it? You recognise it, do you?
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
16 years, man and boy.
Warrant Officer Class 2.
I would
have guessed it, Sergeant Major.
Are you a military man yourself?
Green Howards - Major.
Sir! A long time ago.
Nevertheless, we know, Sir.
Comrades in arms,
that sort of thing.
It's no coincidence that
this country has gone to the dogs
since the abolition of
National Service.
Look, I'll get straight
to the point.
I need to leave this train
at Watford
but it's very important
I have something delivered
in London - a bag.
If you could do that for me I'd be
very grateful.
There would be
suitable recompense.
Say nothing.
It needs to go to this address
You leave it to me, Sir.
Is this your head office?
"Ed's Paint and Body Shop,
Mile End Road.
"
Do this right and we might see later
about something more permanent.
Well, Sir.
There we are.
I will
get the bag to you, by and by.
Very good.
Cheers.
TANNOY
'Watford junction,
Watford junction.
'
'The train now arriving
at Platform Eight is the 3.
31.
'
Hey, Fletch.
All right, say no more.
Here!
TANNOY
'The train now standing
at Platform Eight
'is the 3.
31
from London Euston only.
'
Tanner.
'The train approaching Platform Five
is the 3.
33.
'
What's all this?
Where is it? I'm clean.
Clean!
What for? You can't do this.
It's not right.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Bleeding hell, it's the crown jewels.
Fletcher? What?
Norman Stanley Fletcher.
So? Don't be coy, Fletch,
I collared you once.
Oh, yes, Scotcher, isn't it?
What's in the bag? What bag?
That bag.
This bag? Yeah.
What's in
it? Why? I've got a right to know.
No.
You've got no right to come
on this train and harass me.
Come on, Fletch.
A job has been done.
The perpetrators are on this train
and I meet you.
You don't have to be Colombo
to put two and two together.
Come
on, Mr Scotcher, give us a break.
I hate to mess up your hypothesis,
but I've just come out from
Slade Prison today.
This is my first bleeding day
of freedom, this is.
First day out?
Yes, yes.
It's easily provable.
He'll prove it for you.
Who's he?
This is Senior Prison Officer Mackay,
this is.
What's going on?
What's going on here?
Excuse me.
Scotcher, Flying Squad.
Is this man known to you?
Have you been at it already,
Fletcher?
Oh, come on, Mr Mackay.
Just alibi me
out of this lot, will you?
Are you who he says you are, sir?
I don't know who he said I was, but
I am Senior Prison Officer Mackay.
And this man left Slade Prison
today? Yes, he did.
What's all this about?
There was a jewellers done
at Stafford.
The getaway driver lost his nerve
and the others
whipped into the station.
Well, you've got the wrong man here.
He got on the train with me
at Carlisle.
So did I.
We got a couple of them,
but they didn't have the gear.
That's why I'm assuming
it's still on the train.
You'd better go and look for it.
On your way, then.
Right, let's have a look
in this bag first.
Hold on!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
That's my bag.
Hey?
Yours? Certainly.
What was
Fletcher holding it for, then?
I was minding it, see.
Cos he was asleep and there's a lot
of criminals that use this line.
I'll be seeing you, Fletch.
No, you won't, I'm going straight.
We've heard that one before,
haven't we?
You're a marked man, Fletcher.
Why did you say it was your bag?
Simple, because I knew
it wasn't yours.
Too right it wasn't mine,
someone came and dumped it here.
Just exactly as I imagined.
It must be mine.
A fellow left
a bag, didn't want to wake me.
What do you mean, it must be yours?
A little commission that came my way
while you were having
a Jimmy Riddle.
A military acquaintance of mine
asked me to deliver this bag
for him in London
and then we're going to discuss
something more permanent.
HE LAUGHS
Would you Adam and Eve it, eh?
What is so amusing?
Oh dear, if you was caught
delivering that bag, Mr Mackay,
you'd be discussing something
VERY permanentwith a judge!
I don't follow you.
Mr Mackay, you and I are old
adversaries, aren't we, eh?
Believe me, nothing would give me
greater pleasure
than to drop
you right in the Clerk's.
But I can't, I can't.
You see, it's day one
of a new leaf.
Besides, you've done me a great
favour, even if you didn't know it.
Fletcher, would you try
and make some sense.
Have a shufti in the bag.
Betray a confidence.
Never!
I think you should.
Good God! Yeah.
Well, we've got to
hand this over to the authorities.
Think a bit.
Sit and think a bit.
No.
Listen, if you go and get the law
you'll finish up in court!
You'll have to admit to being
conned into being their bag man,
won't you, eh?
Right proper banana
you're going to look then.
Especially looking for a job.
What's Securicor going to say
to that at the interview, eh?
Well, what do you suggest, Fletcher?
It's not our bag, is it?
Get your coat.
Let's leave it
for the cleaners to find.
I mean, he's gone.
Look -
he's shut his buffet up, hasn't he?
Let's just mosey off to our
individual compartments, right.
Fletcher, I think
that's an excellent idea.
Listen, let that be a lesson to you.
Remember, the straight and narrow
is not as easy as what you think.
No.
Fletcher.
Oh, Ta-ta.
Shocking waste though, innit?
# I'm going straight, I am
# Straight as an arrow
# I've paid the price
# And done the time
# I'm going straight, I am
# Along the straight and narrow
# And I don't mean
# Straight back to crime.
#