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- I am such a *** idiot!
- No.
- I should've dumped him years ago.
- Oh, yeah.
- I feel 20 pounds lighter.
- More like 180 pounds.
- What do you think he's doing tonight?
- Oh, he's *** his little grad student.
Thinking he's king of the world.
God, I wish I knew who invented ***.
So I could shoot him.
- I'll drink to that.
- Hear, hear.
Oh, ***! Oh, ***, it fell down my shirt!
Hold this, hold this, I have an idea.
Wait. Driver. Hey, driver.
Take us to Miyagi's, okay?
Because I feel like dancing.
Look what I found.
Oh, promise me,
no dancing on the tables tonight.
You just open this.
Hold it. Hold it.
- Come on.
- Come back down, honey.
- Come on.
- I'm king of the world!
I'm king of the world.
I'm king of the world!
This is how you study
for the funeral director's license?
You must really like wearing a suit.
There's always a chance
we might get a walk-in.
There's always a chance
we might get abducted by aliens.
What's the longest we've ever gone
without a body?
I remember Dad saying something
like nine days during the '84 Olympics.
"The great drought of '84."
Dad used to do Walter Brennan:
"Come on, little Luke...
...let's stitch this dead guy up
because Ma's made a mess of catfish...
...and I'm powerful hungry."
Okay, well, thank you
for making me feel like an idiot.
No, I just... You knew
a whole side of Dad I never did.
Nine days, huh?
We just might beat that.
"When a family places money
in a funeral trust for a pre-need...
...how much money can the funeral home
use for other purposes...
...until the family
requires your services?"
Fifty percent.
- Twenty-five percent?
- Zero, none.
I knew that.
- Hello?
- Hey, it's me,
It's about time. I've been calling you
for six days straight.
Yeah, I've been Incredibly busy.
Lots of new clients, sorry.
- How's Billy?
- Better.
It only happens once a year, you know?
Twice at the most.
- So when can I see you?
- I don 't know, Tuesday?
- Is he staying with you?
- Yeah, just for a few more days.
Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you, okay?
I promise.
We think we're weird,
being undertakers' kids?
Be thankful our parents weren't shrinks.
"How many days does a family have
to cancel a contract for services?"
I get sick of this bizarre behavior
I'm supposed to figure out.
- She's pissed when I can't. It's neurotic!
- Would you concentrate on this, please?
You need to get your license
so you can handle your share of things.
- "How many days...?"
- Three days.
It's not exactly the California bar, David.
Come on. Make me earn it.
"When a funeral home
advertises their services...
...which two pieces of information are
legally required on all advertisements?"
I'd start with some heavy-duty
armature material and plaster of Paris.
Mastic compound for her face,
tissue builder and wax for her features.
I'd finish her off with a good sealer.
She'll leak like a garden hose.
A little airbrushing and a high-quality
foundation and she's good to go.
- How much time would you need?
- At least a day to do it right.
- The Fishers can spare you for a full day?
- I'm not auditioning for you.
This is a one-time freelance job
and I use my own materials.
Kroehner's texturizers, they blow.
- How much?
- 1500.
Okay.
For someone with your talent,
that's a bargain.
Stop blowing smoke up my ***.
I'm not quitting the Fishers.
- Mr. F. Put me through school.
- Have her done by 5.
And she'd better look flawless.
Don't think about how steep it is.
You've got eight more miles.
Come on, keep it moving.
Carlos Castaneda wrote:
"A warrior takes his lot,
whatever it may be.
And accepts it in
ultimate humbleness."
Yeah, well...
Carlos Castaneda can blow me.
Tell me about it. Where's the "spiritual
transcendence" part from the brochure?
This is like *** boot camp.
Have l...? Have I thanked you
for getting me high this morning?
Like 12 times.
- Just making sure.
- Claire, Topher!
You're straggling. You know the rules.
The group stays together.
- Period.
- Jawohl, mein Kommandant,
I got a new way to make money. We
rent out the slumber room for meetings.
- Twelve-step groups, that sort of thing.
- Are you insane?
Drunks and drug addicts
inside our home?
- The insurance issues alone...
- Then how about senior dance lessons?
Twice a week at 50 bucks a pop.
That's $5200 a year.
- That's six months' property tax.
- What if we've got a viewing?
They work around our schedule.
Old people have nothing else to do.
They dance here, have fun.
Who gets a call when they drop?
- That's not a bad idea.
- Good. They're coming here at 2.
No more comments about me
not pulling my weight for a while, okay?
Is this a new company policy,
casual Fridays?
- Nice of you to drop by, it's noon.
- I stayed after 9 last night...
...restocking and sterilizing.
You mean, you didn't check?
If it's all right with you guys,
I need the day off.
- Vanessa's got an ultrasound.
- She just had one last week.
They just want to do another one.
I think I should be there with her,
don't you?
- Of course, you could've called.
- I left my jacket in the prep room.
It's got my wallet, my insurance card,
all that stuff. Thanks, guys.
Great, once again I'm the ***
and you're the cool guy.
You tell him tomorrow
he's cleaning out the body fridge.
I want it scrubbed, hosed
and disinfected.
- You tell him.
- It's Fisher & Sons.
- Sometimes you have to be the bad cop.
- Well, you're so good at it.
Rico!
Nate, please. Don't do that.
I got a lot on my mind
with the ultrasound, you know?
- David wants you to clean out the...
- The walk-in, I know.
Your brother's got a bug up his ***
about cleanliness.
I know. When we used to play G.I. Joes,
he always wanted to give his a shower.
Yeah, well. I'm running late.
Where's your jacket?
Oh, ***! I must've left it at home.
Told you, man, I got a lot on my mind
from the ultrasound.
- See you.
- See you.
Now begins the vision quest
part of our journey.
Oh, great, now we get to starve
and sweat ourselves...
...into a hallucinogenic state of ecstasy.
- Gonna get harder in the next few days.
You all know how tough physically.
Now the mental challenges begin.
Okay, starting now, you guys lead.
I just follow.
So I hope, for my sake, you've all
perfected your map and compass skills.
- Parker.
- Oh, God. Not Parker.
Which way do we go?
- That way.
- What are you waiting for? You lead.
*** Girl Scout.
- Good call, Parker.
- So who do you think plays Parker...
...in the movie of her life?
Sandy Bullock or Julia Roberts?
Oh, please, she'd never rate that high.
She'd get like one of those Buffy
or Dawson 's Creek chicks, tops.
- What is that?
- This?
Khinkali.
It's like dumpling
with spicy meat inside.
I cannot believe
you never hear of khinkali.
You know, you need to go out
from the house more.
I get out. I took a very enjoyable trip
to San Bernardino just a few weeks ago.
You should come to my neighborhood.
All Russian. You would love it.
People with passion, full of life.
Not like your family.
- What do you mean?
- Russians speak from here.
From the heart, with their souls. Not like
Fisher, from here, like a little mouse...
Not like that.
If it's so wonderful in Russia,
you should take the first flight back.
In Russia, I was engineer.
- Knock-knock.
- Hiram.
Tried my hand at Jamaican chicken.
Turned out good.
- Thought you might like some for lunch.
- That's so thoughtful. Thank you.
- Hiram, this is my boss, Nikolai.
- Hi.
- She has a lunch.
- Here, try some.
- Please.
- You burned it.
- Nikolai!
- Ruth is busy.
- I'm on my lunch break.
- Lunch is over. Now we work.
Sorry I got you in trouble
with your boss.
Don't you worry, I can handle him.
Everybody ready and allemande left.
Right and left grand.
Good, good.
Swing your partners.
And promenade home.
Very good.
- Hey, Vanessa, is Rico there?
- No, should I page him?
It's nothing important.
I wanted to run something by him.
- Okay,
- Did you have your ultrasound already?
Yeah, last week.
You're not having one today?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
but not till this afternoon.
I'm sorry, Nate,
the UPS guy's at the door, I gotta go.
And I'll tell Rico you called, okay?
- ***!
- ***.
Hey! Don't say that, papito,
That's a grown-up word.
Very good, very good,
ladies and gentlemen.
Now, if I could have your attention
for just one second.
I wanna teach you a new figure.
You're gonna love it.
Your friends are gonna be
very impressed. I promise.
It's called the Hungarian Swing.
And I need a volunteer.
So if I could just borrow you
for one second.
I promise it won't hurt a bit.
It goes like this.
You're gonna stand right hip
to right hip.
Your other hand is gonna go
on your partner's waist.
Your left hand is gonna
go up over the head.
Now you're gonna swing
one and a half times.
She will turn
one and a half times...
...into the promenade position.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Let's do it again with the music, okay?
Not so fast.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
with the music. Here we go.
Okay. And two, three, four.
Kiss him.
Interesting technique, where'd you
train?
Cypress College,
interned at Fisher & Sons.
Oh, so you're the guy from Fisher.
You got out of there just in time.
- Kroehner's gonna bury them.
- I don't think so.
Somebody burned down the funeral home
Kroehner was building across the street.
Somebody?
You ever heard of "Jewish lightning"?
Oh, sorry, did I offend you?
I'm Jewish, I can say that.
Kroehner burned down their own building
for the insurance money?
Trust me, it's not over. It's,
like, Matt Gilardi's personal vendetta.
Fisher is history.
Take care now, get home safe.
Aren't they a trip? I love them.
Old people still know how to boogie.
- Yeah. More than me.
- Oh, I can change that.
- I'm Kurt, by the way.
- How'd it go?
- Terrific.
- Great.
- So I guess you'll be coming back.
- I hope so.
- This really was a great idea, Nate.
- So it seems, Dave.
So, Dave.
You free tomorrow night?
Yes. We're in the middle of a dry spell.
He's got nothing but time.
How's about 8?
- 8, for dinner? Is... Is okay.
- Great, I'll pick you up.
See you tomorrow.
- You just pimped me out to that kid.
- That kid wants to jump your bones.
Oh, come on, David.
I watch Will and Grace, I have gaydar.
Okay, don't say "gaydar."
I sure wish we could
light up that joint,
Yeah, Dennis is watching us
like a hawk.
Now that we've officially established
ourselves as the antisocial losers.
We'll just... We'll just sneak off
after we set up camp.
While the rest of the bush youth
groom each other for lice.
Hi, Claire.
Hi.
You...? You two are friends?
We go to the same school.
We're not exactly friends.
We're not exactly enemies, either.
We have classes together.
One.
Shouldn't you be leading us?
Now the guy with braces is doing it.
You know, everyone gets a turn.
I thought we were gonna do
daredevil ***.
- We're just following a *** map.
- I know, this is *** adolescent.
- Do you guys have some pot?
- Maybe.
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
What'd you use for the cheekbones?
Elmer's glue, dental floss,
and modeling clay.
I should've had your work videotaped.
These lesser lights could learn from you.
I have a lot to learn myself.
- Any interest in consulting?
- My plate is full.
- How about something more permanent?
- What's gonna happen to Fisher & Sons?
What do you care, is your name Fisher?
Within eight months,
I can offer you your own home.
There's a position opening up
in San Diego early next year.
- I'll think about it.
- Sure, take some time.
Talk it over with your wife.
Oh, and by the way?
This offer lasts 48 hours.
Brenda.
Bren.
Hello?
Billy?
***!
- Crickey.
- Who the *** are you?
Name's Connor. Connor Thompson.
You gotta be Nate.
Oh, yeah, Brenda's
given me the John Dory on you.
- Never told me you were this territorial.
- What's with the broken glass?
One too many largies last night.
- Do you mind putting something on?
- Don't worry. I don't fancy blokes.
Nice pants, though.
- Is Brenda here?
- Doesn't look like it.
- Well, do you know where she is?
- Nope.
Oh, I'm not rooting her,
if that's what you think.
No, she made it quite clear
that wasn't an option.
Her heart's got your name on it now.
No, that would be her ***.
You're thinking I'm pretty suss,
aren't you?
Hey.
Any you guys seen Topher?
I bet you can't wait to get back
to Stepford.
What a freak.
Take it you two have met.
These took forever to dry.
Hey, you.
Apparently you were mad at me because
I went to the desert without you.
- No.
- What's with Crocodile Dundee, then?
- Why the *** are you doing his laundry?
- Oh, this is really unattractive behavior.
Sorry,
I guess I'm just a little weirded out...
...that I keep running into
naked guys at your house.
They're still warm.
Thanks, Lollies.
Connor is a very old friend
from a totally previous life.
He hasn't been in L.A. For 10 years.
Don't freak!
I am not freaking.
Just exactly where
does nature boy sleep?
Why didn't you tell me about him?
Because I knew that you
would react like this.
I am touched that you're jealous.
Now get over it.
Because you have no reason to be.
I promise.
- Lf I was *** him, I'd tell you.
- Oh, Jesus, that's comforting, thank you.
Come to dinner tomorrow.
Connor's cooking some Australian thing.
- And Billy's coming over.
- Oh, Billy's coming over.
I thought he was staying with you.
You've been *** lying to me!
I have spent the last six days
worried sick about you.
- And you've been partying your *** off!
- Okay! L...
I *** up.
Okay?
I've been under a little pressure lately.
With my brother...
...having a nervous breakdown
and everything, I was...
...just trying to simplify things.
Don't blow this out of proportion,
please, Nate.
Okay.
What time tomorrow night?
Topher?
- You *** ***!
- Jesus.
Oh, ***. ***, I'm sorry. I'm...
- *** me! ***.
- Oh, ***!
Look, look. If she tells anybody,
no one will believe her.
Everybody thinks she's, like, crazy.
The *** habits of the koala
are quite mysterious,,,
,,, because of their complicated
reproductive systems,
The male koala 's ***
is forked like a snake's tongue,
The female has two vaginas
which share a common opening,
- What you watching?
- PBS, very funny.
What's up?
Well, I just thought you should know.
I called Vanessa.
And there's no ultrasound today.
And I also think Rico took a couple
bottles of stuff from the prep room.
***!
*** Kroehner.
I'll call around, see what I can find out.
Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?
I was going to, but I got distracted
by you and the square-dance guy.
It's not like Rico has an exclusive
contract with us or anything.
- So he's moonlighting.
- Moonlighting's when you take a job...
...when your first job is over.
He takes a job for Gilardi...
...while with us. It's treason.
- Stop being such a drama queen.
Stop acting like you're honorary mayor
of West Hollywood all of a sudden.
He lied to our faces.
Yeah, he did.
Hey, Claire.
Hey.
Look, I'm sorry about last night.
- I thought you and Topher...
- It's okay.
- Whatever, it's none of my business.
- No, it's okay, I just, I don't know.
I hope you won't just write me off now.
I mean, maybe it'll even, like,
break the ice.
Yeah.
I just kind of, you know,
think you're funny and cool.
And well, sometimes
I feel boring and lame around you.
And I think it's because, I don't know,
I kind of want to be your friend.
- Why?
- Why not?
Okay, but this is totally weird.
How's Vanessa?
She's great. Yeah.
The baby's strong as a bouncer.
How's Chloe Yorkin?
Some of your more ardent fans
in prep rooms around L. A...
...are calling this one
your Sistine Chapel.
Look. I told Gilardi
it was a one-time thing.
I mean, come on, guys, you gotta
understand. It wasn't for the money.
I mean, her head was like a...
...like a watermelon somebody hit
with a sledgehammer.
I mean, a case like that
doesn't come along every day.
What did he offer you to leave?
What are you offering me to stay?
What? You guys thought I would stay
out of loyalty?
Unlike you two, I have a wife and kids
to think about.
What do you want?
- I want to be a partner.
- That would require a significant...
...financial investment on your part.
That's what partners are.
Rico, let David and me talk.
Don't do anything until
we have a chance to counter, okay?
Okay.
We can work out
some profit-sharing plan.
He's finally figured out he's worth more
than we can pay him. We're ***.
Okay, today, we're gonna climb
about 3000 feet...
...to a shelter close to the summit.
Now we have to move fast.
- When it gets dark, it gets cold.
- Why did you sleep with him?
I don't know.
Just to see if I could.
So who hasn't been leader yet?
- I haven't.
- Me, neither.
Claire.
- What?
- Which way do we go?
I don't know, I really don't care.
- Somebody else pick.
- Come on.
- Want to consult your map and compass?
- No, I think I lost my compass anyway.
Then borrow one from someone else.
Look, just pick someone else, okay?
Please.
Okay, that way. I think we should
go that way. It's obviously the path.
Okay, maybe someone else
would like to...
Hey, Claire paid her 1200 bucks too.
Doesn't she get a turn?
Don't pull me into your ***, okay?
Okay, look.
All right, let's all take out
our maps and our compasses...
It's Claire's turn, Dennis.
I think we should follow Claire.
And she said we should go this way.
Okay. This way it is.
- Thanks a lot.
- What?
Now this trip is finally starting to be fun.
I prefer busy to quiet.
Some people, they like nothing to do.
Me, it drives me crazy.
Besides, no customer, no money.
When I walking by this restaurant
every day while I going home.
It's Ethiopian restaurant.
No customer.
Every night, night after night,
no customer.
How they can make a living?
I don't know. I don't understand this.
I thought Ethiopian people
don't have no food.
Maybe that...
I boring you?
- Heavens, no.
- Good. Watch you don't cut your finger.
Did you really put a foot
in Gabe Dimas' locker?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
That is like the greatest thing ever.
If anyone ever deserved it.
- Did you have sex with him?
- Oh, yeah.
- Did you suck his toes?
- Yes.
I'm gonna have to ask
the two of you to turn around.
- What?
- I'll accompany you to the last camp.
A jeep will take you back
to base parking.
You're kicking us out?
You can't do that.
Yes, we can. It's all in the contract
that you and your adult guardian signed.
Anyone who witnesses a group leader
having sex with a student...
...can be thrown out? I doubt it.
- You purposely led us off...
...the predetermined course,
endangering everyone's safety.
And I'd be willing to bet
there's drugs in your pack.
You can't go through my stuff.
You need a search warrant.
Okay? Now, look,
we can do this the easy way...
...or we can get cops involved.
What do you want?
- You are such a total loser.
- This is not a game, you little ***!
- You are *** with people's lives.
- Those people...
...are completely innocent bystanders.
Hello!
- David Fisher.
- The adult guardian of Claire Fisher?
- Yes, that is correct.
- I'm with Sierra Crossroads,
Your daughter was discovered with
marijuana, She's leaving the expedition,
Transportation 's on its way to take her to
her car, She should be in L, A, tonight,,,
,,, instead of Sunday as planned,
Any questions?
No. Thank you for calling.
Your dad sounds like a real tight-***.
Castaneda, huh?
- People still read that?
- Look, don't even, okay?
All need for us to interact
has been removed.
- Listen, how well do you know Parker?
- Hardly at all.
I'd really hate it if she's one
of those people who would...
...create a huge stink and ruin my life
just for the entertainment value of it.
- Sorry, I don't really know her.
- God, I hate *** outdoors!
Parker, don't light that.
So who's in charge
while you're here babysitting us?
- Topher.
- What?
He hates this whole
Sierra Crossroads ***.
What, are you kidding? He's
been doing it since he was 14 years old.
- You're full of ***.
- It's one of the things...
...that helped him get accepted
to Stanford.
- Topher is going to Stanford?
- Prelaw.
This whole experience
just gets more and more irritating.
Here's your ride.
Ten minutes.
Damn, she looks good.
You took Polaroids, right?
Polaroids?
I borrowed Jacob's digital camera.
You blended the filler material
just perfect.
Honey, she really is your Sistine Chapel.
- You think?
- Baby, you know.
- Too bad you gotta bury her.
- Yeah.
- She looks beautiful, doesn't she?
- Never better.
You should've seen her yesterday.
- You're gonna take the offer.
- I haven't decided.
No, I said, you're gonna take the offer.
- Where would I be without the Fishers?
- In a house, not some lousy apartment.
They treat you like a migrant worker.
- They'll never make me a partner.
- Not ever.
$ 1500 a restoration.
Tuition at SC's highway robbery,
so calling helps pay for books and beer.
It's either that or become a beeper boy.
I'm not quite ready to go there.
So, what's with
the International Male shirt?
This? Oh, l...
- I borrowed it from my sister.
- It looks good.
I bet it looks even better off.
So you were talking
about square dance calling.
It's my grandparents' group.
They practically raised me
after my parents kicked me out.
Kicked you out?
- When they found out about you?
- When my father walked in on me...
...and my high-school boyfriend
*** on the desk in his study.
It was awful.
My mother had a complete breakdown.
My parents eventually split.
It was a total movie for Lifetime.
What about you?
What'd your parents do?
When I came out?
My dad was okay with it.
My mom's still a little uncomfortable.
It baffles me that anyone
even gives a ***, you know?
Here you go. Here you go.
Enjoy.
- You have a boyfriend?
- No.
- Why not?
- I'm not sure.
You ever have one?
- Yeah, you?
- Yeah, several.
You've got the longest eyelashes
I've ever seen.
I've always liked older guys.
- I'm the older guy.
- Guys my age are idiots.
They're fun to ***,
but it usually ends there.
And I hate the way they treat older men.
Tired old queen, fossil, troll.
As if we're not gonna end up there
ourselves one day.
I'm getting my master's in social work...
...with a concentration on services
for seniors, so it's a pet peeve of mine.
- Are you a top or a bottom?
- What?
Oh, I'm versatile.
Bottom, good, this will work out well.
You want to get out of here?
Yeah.
So the *** carked it.
I lost my investment, my bike...
...*** everything.
- Connor, this always happens to you.
Oh, well. I guess I can always go back
on the banana roll?
Do you remember, what was that,
that thing in Texas?
- You lost your bike in Texas!
- Oh, not that *** woman.
Yes, it was like '95 or something.
What was that?
Well, I thought I was gonna get a root.
Hey, Nate.
Listen.
I'm sorry about last week.
I go off the meds now and then
just to feel alive.
I'm sure you must have thought
I was a total psycho.
It crossed my mind.
Well, I'm not.
I don't want to come
between you and my sister.
She's happy with you.
Happier than I've seen her
in a long time and I mean that.
That is so tragic.
So, what's the story? Just
another *** to add to your collection?
So, what's there left for me to do?
Become an air hostess?
I think you should get a TV show
where you wrestle things, right?
- But not animals. Things.
- What kind of things?
Like household objects.
Like refrigerators.
And here's the title of it, right,
A Sandwich Short of a Picnic,
That's the *** way I like it too.
Yeah, hey, caller,
what's your John Dory?
What *** language
are you speaking?
Nate, buddy. Chill.
This car is, like, total Graceland
on wheels.
Total love nest.
Have you ever *** in here?
Once.
I know this record exec,
a friend of my dad's.
He's got like this total
make-out van from the '70s.
He thinks it's so cool
and it's just not.
How do you think Dennis
knew I had pot?
So your dad died, huh?
What was that like?
I don't know.
It doesn't seem real.
- I never knew anybody that died.
- I grew up in a funeral home, so...
...I was always around it.
- Okay, was that, like, completely weird?
Yes.
My dad's a big shot at Disney.
Really, why don't you
go to private school?
He divorced my mom a long time ago.
He likes his new family better.
He won't give my mom alimony,
because he caught her having sex...
...with, like, this retarded guy.
- ***.
I'm kidding.
My mom gets killer alimony.
I just keep getting kicked out
of private schools.
I thought you were, like, this total
overachiever. Like, little Miss Perfect.
Good. That's what
I want people to think.
When in reality you're, like,
this compulsive liar, danger ***.
I thought you were,
like, this Goth arty freak girl...
...who was, like, tragic and suicidal.
- Oh, my God, that is so not who I am.
Nobody is ever who they seem to be.
Nobody interesting.
You told me two lesbians
took a bath in my bathtub,
I don't get this show.
- It's a game show.
- I know that.
I just don't understand
why people like it.
My friend Amelia
says it's her favorite show.
It's a great show.
My son likes Once Upon a Hamster,
When I was his age,
I was crazy for Mad Magazine,
Ernie Kovacs, the Marx brothers.
Anybody that took potshots
at sacred cows. I mean, anybody.
Yeah, I loved all that stuff.
Irreverence was my drug of choice.
Still is, I guess.
Nate, mate.
I'm really glad you
and Lollies hooked up.
I mean, personally I couldn't handle her
playing Freud all the *** time.
I don't give a ***
why I am the way I am.
Well, she is a complicated woman.
No, she's not.
I found this in a shoebox
and made you a copy.
Oh, that's killer, Billy.
Oh, it's a great shot, mate.
Oh, look at you in your sluggos.
Poor yabbie wouldn't know
if his *** was on fire.
Useless as the bottom half of a mermaid.
Put some sunnies
on your stale bottle of ***.
Let's have a bobbley,
you daggy deadshit.
Crock a bingle, you googlie.
Drongo.
- When was that taken?
- Two summers ago. In Perth.
I thought you said you hadn't
seen him in a decade.
No, I said Connor hasn't been to L.A.
In a decade.
Where do you sleep, mate?
Because that sleeping bag
hasn't moved an inch in days!
- They sleep in the same bed, where else?
- Don't crack a fit, Nate, mate.
- I mean, she's totally wrapped up in you.
- Oh, you just shut the *** up, cowboy!
Okay, I didn't tell you, because
I knew you would react just like this.
Well, how else am I supposed to react?
I'm supposed to make an old friend sleep
on the floor to protect your macho pride?
- You have a shiatsu mat!
- Come on, man.
Haven't you ever slept with a woman
and not had sex with her?
- No!
- Outside, get some air.
"Go outside, get some air."
*** you!
I'm leaving!
Have fun with your Aussie *** mate,
***!
Damn, you are versatile.
You think I'm being a possessive ***
for wanting Brenda for myself?
Wanting to feel connected with someone
doesn't mean you're possessive...
...or an ***.
But until there's a commitment...
...you have no claim on her.
A woman doesn't have to wait
to be chosen anymore.
- She can do the choosing.
- Lf she waits too long...
...the right guy might just move on.
You're right, dear.
You're so right.
A chartered bus out of Vegas
overturned on the 10 last night.
Forty-four passengers.
Most of them dead.
- You sleep well last night?
- Yes, thank you.
You sleep at all last night?
- How'd the funeral director's test go?
- Oh, man, I choked.
- What a cluster ***.
- Language.
- You just said "***."
- Nate, I need you to pass that test.
Yeah, well, Dave, I need you to
lighten up on me, starting now.
Hey.
First of all, I just want to thank you guys
for everything that you've done for me.
But I think it's time for me to move on.
I have to think about my future.
- My family's future.
- You're leaving us? Oh, dear.
You haven't given us a chance
to counter Kroehner...
Am I a partner?
You guys didn't even talk about it.
Thank you, Federico.
I'm sorry that we can't offer you more.
You will always have a job
waiting for you here.
Kroehner will never appreciate
how good you are.
You'll just be a part of their
assembly line.
Yeah. We'll see.
A word of advice, guys.
Don't turn your back on Gilardi.
Well, so much for loyalty.
Nate, he's given us five years.
He doesn't owe us anything.
Nobody owes us.
My only defense is
I think I was hallucinating.
That and the thought of you
with another man makes me crazy.
Sorry.
I'm just a guy that way.
- So where's Connor?
- Oh, God, I threw him out.
There's only so much of him I can take.
- So you forgive me?
- Sure, why not?
Good.
Now it's your turn.
- You want me to apologize?
- Yes.
For trying to use Billy's meltdown
and Connor's visit to push me away.
For being impatient with my very valid
emotional response to each one.
And for always asking me to adjust
my behavior and feelings...
...but never being willing
to do that yourself.
Okay, that's fair.
I apologize.
- Part of you wants me to bail.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
Why?
Because we've already gone further
than I have with anybody since...
Since a long time ago.
Because every time I've ever believed
in a happy ending...
...I've gotten severely ***.
Sorry.
Well, do me a favor.
Promise me from here on out
I am the only naked man in your bed...
...and in your life.
I'm serious, Bren.
Promise me.
I promise.
I love you and I want to be with you
for the long haul.
But there's a limit to the amount of ***
I will put up with.
Did you just make me
a lifetime commitment...
...right before the thinly veiled
threat of abandonment?
Well, I don't remember
using the word "lifetime."
Oh, well, I won't hold you to it.
Sorry I'm so weird about intimacy.
I guess spending your childhood
being picked apart...
...by behavioral psychologists
will do that.
Yeah, well, not being able
to sleep at night...
...because you know your basement's
full of dead people takes its toll too.
Sorry.
Nate Fisher.
Remember that chartered bus
that overturned last night?
They were all locals.
We're getting three.
- The first family will be here in an hour.
- I'm on my way.
- And try to curb your enthusiasm.
- This will be tough without Rico.
See you later,
- Good Lord, what did they do to you?
- Don't ask.
So did Mom freak
when you told her I got busted?
I didn't tell her.
- Okay, why?
- I don't know, other stuff came up.
It seemed like a low priority.
- Are you going to?
- Probably not.
I'm sorry the Crossroads thing
didn't work out like you had hoped.
Actually, it was kind of amazing.
I think I really learned
something valuable.
Everything I think I know is wrong.
Hey, what happened to that guy Keith?
It just didn't work out.
- That's too bad.
- Life goes on.
That it does.
Well, there's work to be done.