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So, you also want to do a credit check on yourself, just to make sure there's not some
credit cards out there that you don't know about that hasn't been transferred. After
you transferred everything, do a credit check on yourself and just make sure there's not
some old... sometimes there's an old Sears or Penney's card that didn't... you forgot
about, and it's still in both of your names. So, be really careful that you make sure that
there's no hanging out there credit cards or other accounts that you don't know about
or you haven't thought about.
So once you get all that done, and then you... now you've got to look at your - that's the
financial stuff — and you make sure you know when the spousal maintenance is due and
the child support. Sometimes courts will, in some states, you can have your spousal
maintenance and for sure, usually your child support actually garnished from somebody's
wages. Just makes it easier on the person paying the support to go through the state
depository of child support. That's different in different states, but if your state has
that, you want to make sure you get that paperwork done so that... because that way they'll just
garnish the wages of the person paying the support and they don't have to remember to
write a check every month. If you're paying it - it's gets taken out of yours on time
so you don't get in contempt of court, and if you're receiving it, that you receive it
on time so that you can pay your bills.
So that's child support. Then you're going to have a parenting plan that you want to
read very, very carefully and make sure you know what your obligations are and what your
spouse's obligations are, your ex's obligations, so that you follow that plan. So that you
know what's supposed to happen and when it's supposed to happen and there's usually a decision-making
process in there that says, that if you can't agree with him on something with him, how
you're going to make that decision. So familiarize yourself with that decision-making process
so that you don't have to go scrambling around looking for your papers if you can't agree
on where the kids are going to play soccer or where they're going to go to school or
something.
So, you'll take care of your finances, you'll take care of your child support, you'll take
care of your alimony or maintenance, you'll take care of your parenting plan and now you're
ready to live your life within this new structure. I'm just going to talk about a couple of things
looking forward that you want to find about in your state.
And the first thing is relocating your child. Most states have very strict rules about moving
your child out of either their school district or their town or their county or something.
So make sure you understand what that is in your state, because after the divorce is over
and maybe you've sold the house, or maybe you've decided you just want to move to the
next town over, you don't just want to arbitrarily up and move your child without understanding
the law, because judges are pretty free with putting those kids back where they came.
Another thing you want to be very careful about is allowing your child to go stay with
the other parent without a written plan. I had a case recently where the mother, who's
this fantastic mother - she thought it would be good for the kids to be able to come spend
a year with father, but she didn't put it in writing that it was a temporary situation.
So, kids came, spent a school year with their father, because they were little boys and
she thought it would be good for little boys to spend some time with their dad, and after
they'd been here for a certain amount of time, he filed a motion in court to take custody
away from her because he says that she agreed to let the kids come here and live with him.
And there is nothing in writing. So, she's in a big court battle, trying to get those
kids back. She only intended that it was going to be for a school year. So then comes a huge,
big battle. And, courts are pretty... you know, in some states, it says... if the kid
has been living here for six months, they're considered a resident of the new state. Other
states say different things, and that's another one of those places where you have to find
out what's in your state. But the issue spotting thing here that you need to be very aware
of is — don't just send your kid off to live in another state or another county or
even across town with your ex if you think it's temporary and you — there's a danger
- that he might think it's permanent or that he's going to try and convince a court that
it's permanent later on. So if you do anything, find out what the laws are in your area about
how to protect yourself and your kids from somebody swooping in and trying to take custody
when you never intended that.
So, those are the two most common things that happen in parenting plans after the divorce
is entered — that people get in trouble about. Well, the first thing was just not
following the parenting plan, but we talked about that. Second of all is moving without
permission of the court, or without following the law in your state or your jurisdiction.
Third is doing something temporary without putting it in writing and not understanding
the consequences of allowing that to happen — and losing custody of your children, which
is a disaster.
And then the next thing I just want to mention briefly is, you ought to find out in your
particular state - what the laws are about living with somebody. Because, you got divorced,
you got all your assets sorted out, you know what you've got, you're moving forward and
now you get a boyfriend, and you guys move in together. Well in some states, as soon
as you move in with somebody, or not as soon as — but in some states, when you're living
with somebody, you're in what's called a "meretricious" or committed intimate relationship. They call
them all kinds of different things — common-law marriage, kind of like that. You move in with
somebody and you think — I'm never getting married again; I don't want to go through
this; I don't want to share my money with anybody else; I don't want to lose my retirement,
or my saving account ever again, but then you move in with your boyfriend. You had better
find out in your state if that all of a sudden creates a similar to a marital community.
So, in some states, — when you're living together, you can actually end up in a situation
where you have to share your assets with somebody. In some states that includes your retirement,
and in some states that includes your house, and in some states that includes your savings
account. And vice versa, you might have rights to their stuff. The point being, be careful.
Don't just set up housekeeping with somebody without fully understanding what the laws
are in your state. And if you're going to live with somebody or if you're going to get
married again, you might want to talk to a lawyer about some kind of agreement which
is usually called a pre-nuptual agreement. So, and in some states, you can actually do
a similar to a pre-nuptual agreement when you live with somebody — but they're very
complicated and they're very, very state-specific. So, the warning here and the issue to spot
is — you really don't want to move in with somebody and find yourself right back where
you started — because some people, and I can say this for absolutely sure, are real
surprised when they've been living with someone for a few years and that person sues them
for half of their assets — whatever was created during the time they were together.
So be careful — follow all of your court orders, understand exactly what's expected
of you, get all your assets transferred, do everything. Get a credit check, check your
credit report — get your credit report, make sure there aren't extraneous credit cards
out there — find out what your rights are for relocation, find out what would happen
if you got into a new relationship. And once you have this great understanding of how the
laws work in your state, and hopefully you don't go to another state and have to learn
it all over again — now you can go forward with your whole new life and have everything
work out for you really great — hopefully — in the future.