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Hello, my name's Duncan Maclean - I was born in 1945 which makes me 67 now...
I was born in Kilmarnock and my Father was a village pharmacist
He had a Chemist shop in a little village - a little mining village called Auchinleck which is in Ayrshire
And I went to school in Auchinleck
And there was an open-air swimming pool in the adjoining town called Cumnock
About three or four miles away...
And open-air swimming pools aren't really very popular now are they?
And during the school holidays...
We spent every day - I'm not kidding...
Every day of our school holidays cycling to Cumnock...
Getting on our bikes, cycling to Cumnock and going into the swimming pool
And spending the whole day there...
And I mean Bovril, for lunch, hot Bovril...
And when you swam all day... and there was some diving boards
And snorkels and flippers...
And I'm not just saying we went there for a swim for a couple of hours and came out - all day...
And our fingers used to be...
You know how your fingers go all wrinkly...
My whole skin... I remember, I came out all wrinkly...
And you can imagine, ten year old lads, skinny...
With our towels round us and our little trunks, all shivering...
And it was somehow warmer to go back into the pool
And we'd come out and we'd have a Bovril - a hot Bovril
And we'd spill most of it because we were shaking...
And then we'd finish that and go back in...
And we'd be fighting, and jumping and bombing and diving...
And going off the pool - and who could do the silliest handstand off the side...
And who could do the forwards rolls...
All the things that silly lads do - and we'd be absolutely exhausted...
And we'd get on our bikes and cycle home - and what a day that was...
And it probably cost nothing to go in - and that was our whole day
And then the following day we went back and did exactly the same - it was lovely...
I had a delightful childhood, I really did - I was very, very fortunate - it was lovely
Did you enjoy school?
School... I enjoyed sport...
I started doing the joined-up writing when I was about 30 really I suppose...
I wasn't keen on school...
I loved rugby, I loved athletics...
I was quite good at cross-country running
I just loved running...
And if I was running, I wanted to be first
And if I was in a cross-country run...
If somebody beat me the last week - I would beat them the following week
I was just very competitive and I just didn't like not being first
But when it came to exams... No - I was never first
I was never first in the exams, I was first in the cross-country running...
I was captain of the swimming, and I was captain of the rugby team
And with my parents - I wasn't good at that at all...
I didn't write to them very often and phones were push button 'B' and get your money back sort of things...
Anyway, I was heading up home in my little car
And I rung up and I spoke to my Mother
And she said, "Your Father's at a conference in Manchester".
And I said, "Well, Manchester's on my way home, I'll pop in and see him..."
And he was attending this conference in the Piccadilly Hotel
And I didn't realise how posh it was, because I got to the door in this little car...
And this chap came out to open the door
And he took one look at me and said, "If you're going to come in here, Sir, I think you should change."
Because I was quite dirty...
And I drove up a back street and I got changed into this suit...
...Which had been rolled up in the bottom of my kit-bag for a couple of months
...Hadn't seen the light of day for months
And I got this suit on...
And it reminded me a bit of - you know those odd looking suits that Ken Dodd and comics wear...
And the trousers just didn't fit right, you know...
Anyway, I put this suit on and went back and this chap...
He was quite firm, but I think he was kind in a way
And he looked at me and said, "Oh, come on in..."
And I went to reception and I said, "My Father's here, could you put a call in for him".
And my Father came down to see me
And took one look at me and said, "What are you doing?"
And I don't know whether it's just Scottish Fathers or not...
But he had this habit of very briefly looking up once, you know, like that...
You know, just very briefly - and he'd go, "What are you doing?"
I said, "I'm visiting you..."
And he looked at me and he said, "Have you had anything to eat?"
And I said, "Not today, no..."
And he said, "Book him in for dinner, bed and breakfast".
And he took me up to this room - and it was absolutely gorgeous...
It had soft, fluffy towels - and it had a bar, and it was lovely...
And I had dinner with him, and he said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "I'm coming home, Dad" - and he didn't seem to keen on it...
And he said, "I think you need to go to the Labour Exchange"
Which is what they called the Job Centre many, many years ago...
And I said, "Do you?" - and he said, "Aye, I think you should go to the Labour Exchange...
..."And see if you can get a job!"