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(John H.) IT'S THAT TIME, AMERICA!
(man and woman) AAH!
WHAT GOES UP MUST WIPE OUT.
♪ LET MY BIG BALLS GO ♪
(John A.) AND WIPEOUT THEY WILL...
(smack)
AAH!
AS 24 COMPETITORS FALL HEADLONG...
(cheering)
INTO A BATTLE FOR $50,000
ON THE WORLD'S LARGEST AND MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE.
(swooshing)
WE'LL SEE MAGNIFICENT FALLS...
(clank)
SENSATIONAL TUMBLES...
(slo-mo voice) OHH!
AND ASTONISHING SPILLS.
(thud)
ONLY OUR MIGHTIEST FOUR WILL ADVANCE...
(thud, clank)
TO THE MOST CHALLENGING OBSTACLE COURSE OF ALL--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(woman) OW! OH.
THE EPIC COMPETITION BEGINS NOW.
(thud)
ONE WILL BECOME A CHAMPION, BUT ALL...
WILL WIPEOUT.
(woman) WHAT WAS I THINKING?
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON, AND WITH ME HERE
ON THE MAGIC LOOKIE BOX IS JOHN HENSON,
AND TODAY 24 MEN AND WOMEN WILL COMPETE
ON THE WORLD'S BIGGEST OBSTACLE COURSE
FOR A CHANCE AT $50,000.
IT IS FINALLY HERE, PEOPLE! THIS WEEK WE UNVEIL
MY MASTERPIECE OF ARCHITECTURE AND ENGINEERING.
YOU KNOW, JOHN,
THE BIG BOSSES LET ME BUILD ONE OF THE OBSTACLES,
AND THIS WEEK WE SEE IT IN ACTION!
SHOULD I BE PLEASED OR FRIGHTENED?
I'M TELLING YA, I DON'T MEAN TO PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK HERE,
BUT THIS OBSTACLE MIGHT JUST BE THE BEST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO BROADCAST TELEVISION.
WELL, YOUR OBSTACLE WILL ACTUALLY KICK OFF
THIS WEEK'S "WIPEOUT" QUALIFIER, JOHNNY.
WHAT'S IT CALLED?
YOU READY?
MM-HMM.
THE TRAMPO-MEAN. I MADE IT, AND I NAMED IT!
(boing, thud, boing)
BRILLIANT!
(high-pitched voice) OHH!
AND THEN WE MOVE ON TO AN OLD FAVORITE--
IT'S THE SUCKER PUNCH.
(whooshing)
COME ON, BABY, MAKE IT HURT SO GOOD.
THE EVER-POPULAR BIG BALLS,
AND THEY'VE GOT A MOTIVATOR WITH 'EM.
IT'S THEIR WORLD. WE'RE JUST FALLING OFF IT.
THE SHAKE-A-LATOR'S NEXT.
SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL... LITERALLY.
THEN WE MOVE ON TO OUR FINAL ELEMENT,
THE SHAPE-SHIFTER.
TRAMPO-MEAN! TRAMPO-MEAN! TRAMPO-MEAN!
ALL RIGHT, I-I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED TO SEE IT,
SO LET'S JUST GET STARTED.
THE THIRD MEMBER OF OUR "WIPEOUT" TEAM IS JILL WAGNER,
AND SHE'S WITH OUR FIRST CONTESTANT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
I'VE GOT NICOLAS DIO IV DOWN HERE WITH ME.
(laughs)
SO, NICOLAS, YOU'RE "THE FOURTH"...
YEAH.
SO YOU'RE, LIKE, FOURTH GENERATION?
NO, I HAVE THREE BROTHERS WITH THE SAME NAME.
S-SO YOU HAVE...
YOU HAVE THREE BROTHERS NAMED ALL NICOLAS DIO?
OH, NO. WE NICKNAMES, SO...
OH, WHAT'S YOUR NICKNAME?
NICO.
AND WHAT'S YOUR BROTHER'S?
NICO.
(John H.) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. WHATEVS.
(air horn blows)
OKAY, JOHN, HERE IT IS--
MY AMAZING CONTRAPTION, THE TRAMPO-MEAN!
WAIT FOR IT...
(squeaking)
(grunts)
(John A.) WHAT AM I WAITING FOR AGAIN?
YEAH, UH, I CAN EXPLAIN-- OH! I GOT HIM!
AAH!
SEE! IT WORKS! THIS THING IS AMAZING, I TELL YOU.
HE FELL OFF THE TOPPLE TOWERS. YOU DIDN'T DESIGN THOSE, JOHN.
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
WHY YOU GOTTA BE A HATER?
NOW DIO "THE FOURTH" ON TO THE SUCKER PUNCH.
CAN YOU IMAGINE MEETING NICOLAS'S FAMILY?
(swooshing)
HI, I'M NICOLAS. THIS IS MY BROTHER NICOLAS...
(smacking)
AAH!
MY OTHER BROTHER NICOLAS...
AND THIS IS MY OTHER OTHER BROTHER NICOLAS.
(grunts)
OHH.
(laughs)
I GOT BEAT!
YEAH, WELL, IN A FAMILY OF FOUR BROTHERS,
YOU GOTTA BE USED TO THAT.
AND HE'S ABOUT TO MEET FOUR MORE BRUISERS--
THE BIG BALLS.
BIG BALLS OF FURY!
(squeak, clank)
AAH!
OHH.
(laughs) OH, NICOLAS REALLY BOUNCED BACK...
AAH!
BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
THE FOURTH COMING TO OUR FOURTH OBSTACLE...
(whirring)
THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
HANG IN THERE, NIC.
(grunts)
YOUR BROTHERS ARE WITH YOU IN SPIRIT.
(high-pitched screaming)
MAKING A PLAY FOR THE PLATFORM NOW.
(thud)
AAH!
OHH. (laughs)
OHH. (laughs) WELL, THE FOURTH WILL NEED ALL OF HIS FORTITUDE
TO GET THROUGH OUR LAST OBSTACLE,
THE SHAPE-SHIFTER.
NICOLAS NEEDS TO JUMP OFF THIS DIVING BOARD,
PROPEL HIMSELF THROUGH ONE OF THESE SHAPES,
AND LAND ON THE FINAL PLATFORM.
IF HE WIPES OUT,
IT'S A COLD SWIM TO THIS ALTERNATE FINISH SPOT.
FOUR!
(thud, crunch)
(Jill gasps) D'OH!
OHH. (laughs)
YEAH.
WOW. THAT LOOKED LIKE IT HURT.
(thud, crunch)
AAH!
WELL, FOUR MUST BE NICOLAS'S LUCKY NUMBER,
AS HE FINISHES WITH AN IMPRESSIVE TIME--4:08.
WHEW.
(air horn blows)
OKAY. BACK TO THE TOP OF THE COURSE,
WHERE WE FIND JENNIFER GRINDE,
WHO'S ABOUT TO FACE HER NIGHTMARES
ON MY TRAMPO-MEAN.
JILL, TELL US MORE ABOUT THE FEARLESS COMPETITOR.
IS THAT A BEE?
THAT IS A BEE.
AAH!
OH, MY GOD! (screams)
(John H.) WOW. IF SHE'S THAT SCARED OF A BEE...
AAH! (grunts)
HOW IS SHE GONNA HANDLE THE LIVING HORROR...
(squeaking)
THAT IS MY TRAMPO-MEAN?
(grunting)
(John A.) I BEG TO DIFFER, JOHN.
(boing)
IT LOOKS MORE LIKE BEING TICKLED UNTIL YOU CRY...
AAH!
OR SCREAM.
WELL, YOU KNOW...
AAH! AAH! AAH!
ORIGINALLY THERE WERE GONNA BE PIRANHAS IN THE WATER BELOW,
BUT WE RAN INTO A SNAG AT CUSTOMS.
THANK GOODNESS
FOR THE AMERICAN-MADE TOPPLE TOWERS THEN.
(grunts)
JENNIFER NOW WORKING THE SUCKER PUNCH.
SHE'S HANGING IN THERE SO FAR.
(smacking, boing)
WELL, MOST OF HER.
(smack)
AAH!
OHH. MM.
OHH. (laughs)
GREAT. NOW JENNIFER'S GONNA BE SCARED OF BEES...
AND BOXING GLOVES...
(grunts)
AND MUD... AND PAINT AND...
(coughs)
(boing)
CENSOR BARS.
BUT PROBABLY NOT THE TRAMPO-MEAN.
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS SIDE OF YOU, ANDERSON,
AND FRANKLY, IT'S UNBECOMING.
STILL, EVEN THE MOST COURAGEOUS COMPETITORS
QUAKE IN FEAR WHEN IT COMES TO FACING THE BIG BALLS.
WELL, FEAR'S A GREAT MOTIVATOR, JOHN.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S AN EVEN BETTER MOTIVATOR?
THE MOTIVATOR.
(rattle)
(laughs) OH, NO, BABY, HERE IT COMES.
MM... OHH. (laughs)
(thud, clank)
BINGO! OOH!
OHH!
AAH!
(clank)
WOW, JOHN. THE MOTIVATOR, AN ENGINEERING MARVEL.
(thud)
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
(thud)
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHAT I HAD IN MIND FOR THE TRAMPO-MEAN,
BUT TRAGICALLY THERE WAS A FIRE ON THE SET.
POLICE CALL IT ARSON, BUT THEY GOT NO PROOF...
THAT I KNOW OF.
(squeaking)
(grunting)
JOHN, I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE HERE,
BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A TRAMPO-LAME.
ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO A MONTAGE? CUE THE SILLY MUSIC!
(circus music plays)
AAH! (laughs)
I'M JUST NOT SEEING IT, JOHNNY.
(laughs)
I MEAN, THESE PEOPLE LOOK LIKE...
(laughs)
THEY'RE HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I MADE SOME MISTAKES, OKAY?
I'VE NEVER BEEN IN CHARGE OF A BUDGET BEFORE,
AND DO YOU KNOW THOSE PYRAMID SCHEMES--
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PYRAMIDS.
WELL, FORTUNATELY THE SUCKER PUNCH
IS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP QUALITY.
(whooshing, smacking)
(John A. and John H.) OHH.
HEY, WAIT!
(laughs)
HOO-AH! WOW, THE SUCKER PUNCH WILL REALLY RING YOUR BELL.
SPEAKING OF RINGING YOUR BELL,
HERE COMES DELIVERY MAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA.
(whooshing)
OHH!
PERFECT TIMING.
WELL, HE'S USED TO BEING ON TIME.
HERE WE GO.
THOSE PACKAGES HAVE TO BE THERE BY 9:00 A.M. SHARP.
BIG BALLS! AAH! (laughs)
WHAT COMPANY DOES HE DELIVER FOR, JOHN?
WELL, I CAN'T SAY IT, BUT, UH...
I GIVE HIS PERFORMANCE "BIG UPS".
(grunting) WHOA.
OH. WELL, HE'S MADE IT TO THE THIRD BALL.
OH, MY GOD.
HE IS DETERMINED TO DELIVER.
REALLY IMPRESSIVE RUN SO FAR.
(grunts)
(clank)
OHH.
OHH. (laughs) OUR DELIVERY MAN HAS A PACKING SLIP.
(grunts)
WHAT A SHAME. YOU KNOW, HE'S USUALLY MORE RELIABLE.
(water gurgles)
I GONNA MENTION THIS IN THE CUSTOMER SURVEY.
VINCENT, OUR DELIVERY MAN, NOW ON TO THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
(whirring)
AN OBSTACLE THAT DOES NOT EXACTLY HANDLE WITH CARE.
AAH!
(thud)
(laughs) THE SHAKE-A-LATOR IS REALLY JOSTLING HIS PACKAGE--
BY WHICH, I MEAN...
(thud)
I THINK WE GOT IT.
AND SPEAKING OF PACKAGES...
EASY THERE, JOHNNY. WELL, VINCENT IS UP,
AND HE'S READY TO EXPRESS MAIL HIMSELF TO THE PLATFORM.
I'M DOING IT.
(grunts) AAH!
OOH!
OOH! NOT ENOUGH POSTAGE.
(slo-mo voice, grunts) AAH!
HEY, JOHN, DO YOU THINK I COULD PULL OFF
THOSE LITTLE BROWN SHORTS?
NO.
OH, BOY.
BACK AT THE SUCKER PUNCH,
WE HAVE 46-YEAR-OLD AIRLINE PILOT MARK HALLIDAY.
(whooshing, smacking)
(John A. and John H.) OHH.
AAH!
(smack)
YEAH, JILL SPOKE WITH HIM,
BACK WHEN HE WAS STILL ABLE TO TALK.
SO $50,000 COULD NOT BUY YOU AN AIRPLANE,
BUT WHAT COULD IT BUY?
A MONKEY. UM...
(laughing) OH, MY GOD. UH, WAIT A MINUTE.
(laughs) UH, M--
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THE $50,000?
A MONKEY. YOU COULD PUT-- YOU COULD PUT CLOTHES ON.
YOU COULD WALK IT.
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE KID THAT NEVER GROWS UP.
(laughs)
(monkey chatters)
(imitates monkey) OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH.
(John H.) THAT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE, JOHN.
I'M AFRAID OF FLYING, AND I'M AFRAID OF MONKEYS.
THAT'S WHY I WAS SO TERRIFIED OF THAT MOVIE "CHIMPS ON A PLANE."
OH, BOY. FEET, DON'T FAIL ME NOW.
(John A.) FAILURE'S A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY HERE.
OUR BIG BALLS--IN THE WAY OF MARK AND HIS MONKEY.
(thud)
WHOA!
(clank)
(filtered voice) OKAY, FLYING MONKEY,
YOU ARE CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF...
(slo-mo voice) WHOA!
AND IMMEDIATE WATER LANDING.
JOHNNY, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE SPENT SOME TIME IN THE AIR,
COURTESY OF THE BIG BALLS, TODAY.
AAH!
(clank)
(normal voice) AND, AS IS THE CASE WITH TEST FLIGHTS,
THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW EMERGENCY EJECTIONS.
OW.
BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE. YEAH.
AAH!
AAH!
THANKS FOR COMING. BYE-BYE.
BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE.
TAKE CARE NOW.
OH!
BYE-BYE. TAKE CARE.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO BACK TO THE TOP OF THE COURSE.
YEAH, BABY! "WIPEOUT"! OH, YEAH!
OH, YEAH! LET'S GO! LET'S DO THIS!
WELL, THIS GUY'S EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING.
WELL, THAT'S 25 YEAR OLD DAVID HARRIS.
THE MAN'S GOT A BRIGHT FUTURE, AS JILL FOUND OUT.
ALL RIGHT, SO, DAVID, WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M AN ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT.
(calculator whirs)
(John H.) DARE TO DREAM, DAVID. DARE TO DREAM.
SO YOU'RE JUST WAITING TO CATCH THE RIGHT BREAK, RIGHT?
EXACTLY. SO THE $50,000 COULD REALLY HELP.
IT COULD REALLY HELP.
GO GET 'EM. BACK TO YOU, JOHNS.
WHOO!
(John H.) IF HIS DREAM IS TO BECOME AN ACCOUNTANT...
AAH.
HOW BAD DO YOU THINK HIS REALITY IS?
WHOO!
(John A.) IT LOOKS PRETTY BAD AT THE MOMENT, HUH?
OKAY. (grunts)
BUT I'M A TOUCH CONFUSED.
HOW HARD IS IT TO BECOME AN ACCOUNTANT?
AAH!
IT'S EASIER THAN STAYING ON THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
AAH.
YOU KNOW, JOHN, ACCOUNTING IS A TOUGH INDUSTRY TO CRACK.
JUST ASK MY UNCLE MURRAY. EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE
AN ACCOUNTANT FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY...
I LOVE YOU, JILL!
(Jill) I LOVE YOU, TOO.
(bell dings)
ACCOUNTANTS ARE CHICK MAGNETS.
OKAY.
(thud)
AAH!
OHH. WELL, NO ACCOUNTING FOR THAT FORM.
(laughs)
AAH!
(laughs) FIRST OF ALL, HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME, DAVID?
(pants) I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. COME HERE.
NO--AAH!
(laughs) WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU'RE DONE!
LIKE I SAID, CHICK MAGNETS.
MM.
ACCOUNTANTS, JOHNNY-- THE GLAMOUR, THE INTRIGUE.
REALLY?
OH. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF THE WAYS OF THE WORLD, ANDERSON.
CLEARLY YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE ACCOUNTING COUCH.
NO, I HAVEN'T,
BUT STICK AROUND, BECAUSE WHEN WE RETURN...
(smacking, thudding)
(clank)
WE'LL BE ADDING A LOT MORE WIPEOUTS
AND SUBTRACTING A FEW MORE CONTESTANTS.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT,"
WHERE APPARENTLY WE WILL LET ANYBODY CREATE AN OBSTACLE.
WHO WAS YOUR CONTRACTOR, JOHNNY?
UH...
(camera shutter clicks, power drill whirs)
BALLSY. WE MADE IT OUT OF STUFF I FOUND IN MY GARAGE.
I DON'T THINK IT CAME OUT THAT BAD, ACTUALLY.
OPEN TO INTERPRETATION.
NOW LET'S MEET OUR NEXT CONTESTANT, SHALL WE?
THIS IS 40 YEAR OLD CHANDRA PUGH.
WHOO! "WIPEOUT"!
(New Age music plays)
I HAD A FUNNY FEELING SHE WAS GONNA SAY THAT.
CHANDRA DID, TOO, AND SHE TOLD JILL WHY.
OKAY, CH-CHANDRA, I'VE... HEARD THAT YOU HAVE A SPECIAL SKILL?
I'M SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC.
(New Age music plays)
YOU'RE SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WELL, TELL ME WHAT I'M THINKING.
UH, YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT A SANDWICH.
NO, I WAS THINKING THAT YOU WERE GONNA WIN "WIPEOUT."
WELL, THAT'S WHY "SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC."
I KNOW I'M GONNA WIN "WIPEOUT."
OKAY, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA. WHAT AM I THINKING NOW?
YOU'RE THINKING I'M GONNA WIN "WIPEOUT."
I WAS THINKING ABOUT A SANDWICH.
(air horn blows)
THIS INTERVIEW HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU
BY THE SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC "WIPEOUT" FRIENDS NETWORK,
(marker squeaks)
OR... TIS-PWAH-FUHN.
WHAT'S THAT COST A MINUTE?
(squeaking)
LOOK, JOHN, SHE'S ON YOUR TRAMPO-SNOOZE.
OH, SURE, GO AHEAD AND LAUGH,
BUT CLEARLY HER SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC ABILITIES HAVE GENERATED
THE SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH NECESSARY...
(grunts)
TO SURVIVE AN OBSTACLE THAT WOULD CONFOUND MERE MORTALS.
YEAH, IT'S STILL TERRIBLE.
WHATEVER.
(whooshing)
NOW CHANDRA'S ON HER WAY TO READ THE PALMS OF THE SUCKER PUNCH.
(smack)
(grunts)
OHH!
OHH. (laughs)
BEING SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC, SHE SHOULD'VE SEEN THAT COMING.
(smacking)
CHANDRA'S ON THE BIG BALLS NOW.
(rattling)
HERE COMES THE MOTIVATOR!
AND SHE'S JUST PSYCHIC ENOUGH TO AVOID IT.
WHOA!
(clank)
AAH!
I DEMAND A REPLAY ON THAT ONE,
BECAUSE I THINK THE MOTIVATOR TOUCHED HER...
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
(bell dings)
SLIGHTLY.
AND... THERE GOES HER SHOE.
AND NOW OUR SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC...
(clank)
AAH!
IS SLIGHTLY SHOELESS.
MY SHOE'S OFF. ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO THIS!
SO SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC, SLIGHTLY SHOELESS CHANDRA
TAKES ON THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
(whirring)
(thud)
YOU KNOW, JOHN, I CONSIDER MYSELF SLIGHTLY PSYCHIC.
I PREDICT I WILL NOT BE HAVING A ROMANTIC DINNER
WITH MEGAN FOX TONIGHT.
THEN WE'RE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH.
(thudding)
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
OH, MERCIFULLY, SHE'S GOTTEN UP
AND NOW READY TO MAKE THAT LEAP TO THE PLATFORM.
AAH!
(thud)
OHH!
(laughs) YOU KNOW, THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN THIS WORLD...
AAH!
THAT WE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, JOHN,
BUT GRAVITY'S PRETTY SIMPLE.
AND CHANDRA'S ON TO HER FINAL OBSTACLE...
(grunts)
THE SHAPE-SHIFTER.
AAH!
OHH. (laughs)
OHH. (laughs) WOW, I DID NOT SEE THAT IN MY CRYSTAL BIG BALLS.
AAH!
WHOO! OH, MY GOD.
WELL, CHANDRA FINISHING UP WITH A TIME OF 6:02.
SLIGHTLY IMPRESSIVE.
SLIGHTLY.
(whooshing)
NOW COMING UP ON THE SUCKER PUNCH
IS RICK RADDATZ,
WHO'S MADE MILLIONS AS AN INTERNET ENTREPRENEUR.
YOU'RE A MILLIONAIRE?
YES, I AM.
REALLY? HOW MANY MILLIONS DO YOU HAVE?
UH, A FEW.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
SO YOU'RE, LIKE, A MULTIMILLIONAIRE.
MULTIMILLIONAIRE.
(inhales deeply) RICK, I HOPE YOU WIN.
YES, I DO.
(cash register dings)
(John A.) IMPARTIAL, AS ALWAYS.
(smack)
(grunts)
OHH! (laughs)
(John H. laughs) HE'S GONNA HAVE TO LAUNDER THAT DIRTY MONEY NOW.
ALL RIGHT.
MAYBE RICK HAS ENOUGH CASH TO BUY OFF THE BIG BALLS.
AAH!
(clank, crunch)
OHH! (laughs)
OHH! OH, THE BIG BALLS TURNING OUR MILLIONAIRE BELLY-UP...
AAH!
(clank, crunch)
LITERALLY.
NOW RACING UP TO THE SHAKE-A-LATOR
AT GREASED LIGHTNING SPEED IS AUTO MECHANIC DARYL McCLOUD.
WHEW. OH, WOW. OH, LORD.
(whirring)
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A GOOD MECHANIC.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY CHEVELLE.
WHOA.
IT'S BEEN HANDLING LIKE THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
INTERESTING. DARYL SAID HE'D USE HIS WINNINGS
TO REBUILD HIS 1970 CHEVY CHEVELLE.
(thud, squeak)
(grunting)
HE'S GOT A CHEVELLE, TOO? WE SHOULD HANG OUT!
(thudding)
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS,
BUT WE COULD TALK ABOUT... FEELINGS ABOUT CARS.
(whoosh, thud)
HEY!
OHH.
HE MADE IT! YES!
WELL DONE. I NEVER DOUBTED HIM.
TWO WORDS-- CHE... VELLE.
(grunts)
OOH. (laughs)
OHH. I THINK WE SHOULD SEE THAT AGAIN IN SUPER SLO-MO.
OHH.
(thud)
(grunts)
I HOPE HE'S STILL UNDER WARRANTY.
JOHNNY, THIS WHOLE OBSTACLE IS RESPONSIBLE
FOR A WIDE-RANGING FACTORY RECALL.
(grunts)
OOH. MM.
(grunts)
AAH.
OHH. (laughs)
(thud)
AAH!
WHOA.
OHH. (laughs)
AAH! AAH! (grunts)
WHOA! I HAVE GOTTA SEE THAT ONE AGAIN.
AAH! AAH! (grunts)
HER SHAPE GOT SHIFTED!
(slo-mo voice) AAH! AAH! (grunts)
(crunch)
YEAH, INTO A PRETZEL.
WELL, FROM ONE SHAPE-TWISTING OBSTACLE TO ANOTHER,
HERE COMES OUR NEXT CONTESTANT UP TO THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
THAT IS ONE FUNKE-HO.
LANGUAGE!
NO, WAIT, JOHN. SHE'S RIGHT.
WHAT--WHAT--WHAT?
MY NAME IS, UH, JESSICA.
I WAS, UH, BORN A FUNKE, AND I MARRIED A HO,
AND SO NOW I'M A FUNKE-HO.
(John H.) I'LL SAY.
(whirring)
THE ONLY WAY THAT COULD BE COOLER...
AAH!
IS IF SHE MARRIED HER PREVIOUS BOYFRIEND...
(thudding)
MIKE COLD MEDINA.
AAH!
(John A.) WOW, SHE IS REALLY WORKING THAT SHAKE-A-LATOR.
ANYTHING TO KEEP THAT FUNKE-HO OFF THE STREETS.
YEAH, WE--WE GET IT.
AAH! NO! OH, NO!
YOU KNOW, IT SAYS HERE HER FATHER-IN-LAW IS IN THE ARMY.
HE'S A MAJOR HO.
UH-HUH.
(thud)
AAH!
HER SISTER'S IN THE VICE SQUAD. SHE'S AN UNDERCOVER HO.
GO AHEAD. GET 'EM ALL OUT.
(smack)
SHAKE THAT ***, FUNKE-HO!
OHH!
OHH!
HO... DOWN!
MM.
WHAT WAS I THINKING? OY.
MAYBE SHE'S THINKING, I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED BILL TOWN.
YEAH. NOW WINDING HIS WAY THROUGH OUR COURSE
IS BOSTON'S OWN SCOTT TORGAN.
JILL TALKED TO HIM ABOUT A UNIQUE TALENT OF HIS.
I HEARD THAT YOU DO A LITTLE BIT OF... IMPRESSIONS?
JUST... SOMETIMES. (chuckles)
WELL, I THINK, I DON'T KNOW,
NOW MAY BE A GOOD TIME FOR THOSE IMPRESSIONS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
(imitates Jack Nicholson) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
(crickets chirping)
(normal voice) THAT ONE SUCKED. (laughs)
(imitates Pee-wee Herman) HA HA! I MEANT TO DO THAT.
(John H.) JILL, ARE YOU AFRAID?
IF YOU'RE AFRAID, JUST NOD YOUR HEAD.
(John A.) OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST MAKING THE LEAP
ONTO THE SHAKE-A-LATOR.
WHOO!
(whirring)
YOU KNOW, I DO SOME IMPRESSIONS. YOU WANT TO HEAR ONE?
SURE.
HERE'S ME WHEN I'M ANGRY. "NO, YOU SHUT UP!"
THAT'S SPOT-ON, JOHNNY.
THANKS. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT.
(grunts)
(thud)
OHH!
OHH! (imitates Boston accent) THAT WAS A WICKED HARD HIT.
OHH.
(normal voice) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BOSTONIANS ARE TOUGH. THEY JUST SUCK AT IMPRESSIONS.
LET'S SEE IF OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST CAN DO AN IMPRESSION
OF SOMEONE WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING.
(grunts)
(thud)
OHH. (laughs) LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN.
OH, GOOD,
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY JOHN ANDERSON IMPRESSION.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, SPORTS TERM.
(thud)
I'M JOHN ANDERSON, AND I WEAR A SUIT AND GLASSES.
SO I GUESS MY WORK IS DONE HERE.
BACK AT THE START OF THE COURSE...
YEAH!
IS OUR YOUNGEST COMPETITOR OF THE DAY,
18-YEAR-OLD PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYER PAIGE RODDY.
(air horn blows)
A PRO ATHLETE? REALLY?
AAH.
WELL, CLEARLY IT'S HER PROFESSIONAL ATHLETIC PROWESS
THAT ENABLES HER TO WITHSTAND...
AAH.
JOHN. JOHN, LET IT GO.
(squeaking)
I CAN'T LIVE WITH THE SHAME, JOHN!
IT'S THE WORST OBSTACLE EVER!
SO SHE'S PAST THE TRAMPO-MEAN.
(bell dings)
15-LOVE. PAIGE LEADS.
ON TO THE SUCKER PUNCH NOW.
(smack)
OHH.
WOW, A HUGE FOREHAND TAKES PAIGE FOR A RIDE.
(smack, bell dings)
15-ALL.
OH, MY GOD.
SEE, THAT'S GOOD COACHING.
AAH. AAH!
(clank, boing)
THAT'S AN OVERHAND SMASH.
(bell dings)
WAY TO GO 110%.
(grunts)
NOW ON TO THE SHAKE-A-LATOR,
WHERE OUR TENNIS PRO LOOKS TO EVEN THE SCORE.
DON'T FALL
PAIGE HAVING TROUBLE FINDING HER FOOTING.
YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T ONE OF HER TRADITIONAL SURFACES,
LIKE THE CLAY OR THE GRASS OR HARD COURT.
(thud)
AAH!
MM.
OHH. (laughs)
(thud, bell dings)
AFTER A SHOT LIKE THAT, SHE'LL BE SEEING DOUBLES. (laughs)
DON'T GO IN THE WATER. OHH.
OUR TENNIS PRO LOOKS A LITTLE NERVOUS.
IT IS GAME POINT HERE FOR THE QUALIFIER.
AAH!
DON'T BE SCARED. DON'T BE SCARED.
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!
NO, IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE. YOU JUST HAVE TO--
(thud)
AAH!
WHOA! OH. OHH.
UH-HUH.
TALK ABOUT A GRAND SLAM.
(bell dings)
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
OH, YAY.
WELL, OUR TENNIS PRO MAY HAVE LOST THE GAME,
BUT IT'S NOT SET AND MATCH YET.
(panting) WHOO! OH, MY GOD.
SHE IS MOVING ON...
ALONG WITH NICOLAS DIO IV,
DELIVERY MAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA,
FLYING MONKEY MARK HALLIDAY...
(monkey chatters)
AND ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS.
(calculator whirs)
ALSO MOVING ON ARE MILLIONAIRE RICK RADDATZ,
AUTO MECHANIC DARYL McCLOUD
AND UNIMPRESSIONIST SCOTT TORGAN.
(thudding)
STICK AROUND, 'CAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL TAKE THOSE 12 CONTESTANTS AND KNOCK 'EM DOWN TO 6.
AAH!
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," AND THANKS FOR HAVING A TV.
(laughs) OUR OPENING FIELD OF 24 CONTESTANTS
HAS BEEN CUT IN HALF TO 12.
TAKE A LOOK AT THE LEADERBOARD.
WE HAVE DELIVERY MAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA,
FLYING MONKEY MARK HALLIDAY
AND ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS.
JOINING THEM ARE MILLIONAIRE RICK RADDATZ,
SCOTT "THE UNIMPRESSIONIST" TORGAN
AND YOUNG TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY.
UP NEXT, IT'S AN OBSTACLE SO NICE, THEY NAMED IT TWICE.
IT IS TWO GOOD TWO BE FOUR-GOTTEN
AND TWICE AS GOOD AS ITS CLOSEST COMPETITOR.
TWO TRUE, TWO TRUE.
LET'S SAY IT TOGETHER ON THREE. ARE YOU READY?
MM.
ONE... THE DOUBLE CROSS.
ONE... TWO...
OUR 12 CONTESTANTS STAND ON A 10-FOOT-HIGH PLATFORM
AS FOUR PLANKS MOVE IN A CIRCULAR MOTION.
CONTESTANTS MUST JUMP ONTO ONE OF THE GREEN PLANKS TO BEGIN,
THEN USE THE ONE RED PLANK TO GET TO THE UNSTABLE TABLE
ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE.
AH, BUT LOOK OUT,
BECAUSE IN THEIR WAY ARE FOUR SWEEPER ARMS,
SWINGING AROUND IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
CONTESTANTS WILL DO THEIR BEST TO AVOID THE BARS...
(boing, thud)
IN THEIR EFFORTS TO GET ACROSS...
(high-pitched voice) AAH!
AND ON THE OFF CHANCE THEY WIPEOUT...
(splash)
IT'S BACK TO THE BEGINNING TO START ALL OVER AGAIN.
THE FIRST SIX CONTESTANTS WHO MAKE IT TO THE FINISH SPOT
MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
THE OTHER SIX WILL WISH THEY'D NEVER BEEN BORN.
SORRY. GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.
MM.
ALL RIGHT. BREAK OUT YOUR RAIN GEAR,
BECAUSE THE CONTESTANTS ARE IN POSITION.
AND ABOUT TO FALL. LET'S GET DOWN TO THE ACTION.
(man) ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
(cheering)
LET'S GO, BABY.
LET'S DO IT.
WELL, THE CONTESTANTS SURE SOUND READY.
BIG RED BALLS TO THE WALL. COME ON.
ANOTHER AMAZING IMPRESSION, JOHN! THEY NEVER STOP.
WHO WAS THAT?
NO IDEA, BUT IT WAS DEAD-ON, WASN'T IT?
(air horn blows)
AND THAT HORN MEANS THAT THE DOUBLE CROSS IS UNDERWAY.
(woman) AAH!
WOW, RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE,
EVERYBODY GETTING BATTERED ABOUT.
(thud)
(Daryl) AAH!
LOOKS LIKE MY FAVORITE AUTO MECHANIC DARYL
NEEDS TO REVISE HIS ESTIMATE.
BUT SCOTT THE UNIMPRESSIONIST HAS MADE IT TO THE MIDDLE,
AND THERE'S THAT NASTY SPRAY OF WATER. (laughs)
OH, THIS SUCKS HARD.
SCOTT UP AND NOW DOWN THE RED PLANK.
AAH!
HEADFIRST DIVE. MM.
OHH! (laughs) CHECK IT OUT, JOHN.
SCOTT GIVES US HIS CHRISTOPHER CROSS IMPRESSION.
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
WHAT?
HE'S SAILING AWAY.
PAIGE THE TENNIS PRO GETS SENT DOWN THE LINE BY A SWEEPER ARM.
AAH!
I THINK SHE JUST REGAINED AMATEUR STATUS.
(grunts)
(monkey chatters)
OHH! (laughs) MARK THE FLYING MONKEY IS HOLDING ON.
OHH!
AND HE GIVES US A WIPEOUT
THAT'S MORE FUN THAN A BARREL OF MONKEYS.
(man) CAN YOU GUYS SCOOT OVER A LITTLE BIT... SO I CAN WIN?
DELIVERY MAN MAKING SURE HE STICKS TO THE SCHEDULE...
AAH!
AND THE TENNIS PRO HAS MADE IT TO THE CENTER.
AND NEITHER RAIN, SLEET NOR ANGRY GARDEN HOSE
CAN KEEP OUR DELIVERY MAN FROM MAKING IT AS WELL.
WHAT'S OUR TENNIS PRO DOING?
APPARENTLY CALLING A RAIN DELAY.
AAH.
WE DID EXPLAIN THE RULES, RIGHT?
ON THE GREEN, OFF THE RED.
PAIGE, THOUGH, CLEARLY CONFUSED.
TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE ARROWS ON THE PLANKS OR SOMETHING
TO SHOW CONTESTANTS WHICH DIRECTION
THEY SHOULD BE RUNNING.
MM!
OHH. (laughs) DOUBLE CROSS, DOUBLE WIPEOUT,
AND THE TENNIS PRO IS IN THE WATER.
OUR DELIVERY MAN VINCENT HEADED FOR THE FINISH...
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
YES! ONE SHOE LOST, ONE SPOT CLAIMED...
(grunts)
AND THERE ARE STILL FIVE SPOTS LEFT THAT NEED TO BE FILLED.
AAH!
GETTING TIRED. (sighs)
AAH!
OHH! NOW THE WATER HAS A PAIR OF SHOES READY FOR THE TAKING.
(marker squeaks)
THIS IS, LIKE, IMPOSSIBLE.
AND THESE CONTESTANTS LOOK IMPOSSIBLY TIRED.
YEAH, I'M TIRED, AND I'M JUST WATCHING.
THE UNIMPRESSIONIST IS OFF AGAIN,
BUT WASN'T HE JUST NAPPING?
EH, IT'S HARD TO TELL. EVERYBODY'S WEARING ORANGE.
NOW THE UNIMPRESSIONIST, WITH A SLOW APPROACH TO THE FINISH.
(grunts, shouts indistinctly)
MM!
OOH. THAT WAS SCOTT'S IMPRESSION OF THE FUTILITY OF EXISTENCE.
(grunts, shouts indistinctly)
SO FIVE SPOTS STILL REMAIN AVAILABLE,
AND DAVID, OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT,
HAS MADE IT TO THE MIDDLE.
(bell dings)
AH, MY BUTT!
APPARENTLY DAVID'S ALSO AN ASPIRING PLUMBER,
BUT THAT HASN'T SCARED OFF OUR TENNIS PRO...
(Paige) AAH!
AS SHE MAKES IT TO THE MIDDLE.
DAVID IS UP, AND HE IS OFF FOR THAT FINISH PLATFORM.
STAYING BALANCED, JUST LIKE HIS CHECKBOOK,
AND... YES!
MM-HMM.
YOU ARE NOW FREE TO ACCOUNT FOR YOUR CHICKENS.
YEAH! WHOO!
THEY HAVE HATCHED. MY UNCLE MURRAY WOULD BE SO PROUD.
AND THAT LEAVES FOUR SPOTS OPEN.
OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST WANTS ONE OF 'EM,
AND HE MAKES HIS WAY TO THE CENTER
TO JOIN THE TENNIS PRO.
(grunts)
AUTO MECHANIC DARYL ALSO MAKES IT TO THE MIDDLE,
AND RICK, OUR MILLIONAIRE, IS THERE AS WELL.
MAKING THE MIDDLE OF OUR OBSTACLE THAT MUCH RICHER
AND YET NO BETTER AT DOING IMPRESSIONS.
OUR MILLIONAIRE IS OVER THE BAR AND OFF ACROSS THE RED PLANK.
(grunts)
HE USES HIS "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" CARD,
PASSES GO, COLLECTS $200, AND... YES!
MM-HMM.
OUR MILLIONAIRE HAS THE MONOPOLY ON THE THIRD SPOT.
WHOO!
THAT LEAVES THREE SPOTS OPEN.
THREE CONTESTANTS STILL IN THE MIDDLE.
UNIMPRESSIONIST IS UP AND DOING HIS BEST EDWIN MOSES.
FROM "THE BIBLE"?
NO, TRACK-AND-FIELD TERM.
SCOTT THROWING HIMSELF ON THE PLATFORM AND--OHH.
NO!
OHH. (laughs)
THAT IS SO NOT FAIR. OHH.
OH, NO.
(John H.) THAT UNSTABLE TABLE TIPS EVERY NINE SECONDS.
NO!
THE UNIMPRESSIONIST JUST HAS IMPECCABLY BAD TIMING.
SO STILL THREE SPOTS OPEN,
AND THE TENNIS PRO IS IN A HURRY. OHH!
(grunts) AAH!
OOH!
GOOD JOB, PAIGE.
(laughs) THAT'S A GOOD JOB? THAT WASN'T A GOOD JOB.
(John A.) EH, I SUPPOSE HE'S RIGHT THERE.
AUTO MECHANIC FINALLY LEAVING THE MIDDLE,
AND... YES! IT IS A MAN'S WORLD.
(cheering)
FOUR SPOTS CLAIMED. NOT A LADY AMONG 'EM SO FAR.
WILL THE WOMEN BE ABLE TO STEP UP HERE LATE?
(Scott mutters)
OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST HAS ENOUGH ENERGY
TO MAKE IT TO THE CENTER YET AGAIN.
(John H.) HEY, I GET IT.
HE'S DOING AN IMPRESSION OF HIS EARLIER ATTEMPT.
(cheering)
EXCEPT THIS TIME HE DOES SOMETHING COMPLETELY ORIGINAL
AND CLAIMS THE FIFTH SPOT.
THAT LEAVES US WITH ONLY ONE SPOT REMAINING,
AND IT'S STILL AN ALL-BOYS CLUB.
THE REMAINING CONTESTANTS LOOK LIKE
THEY'VE LOST A LOT OF STEAM...
(grunts)
TAKING A TENTATIVE APPROACH TO THE DOUBLE CROSS,
WHICH IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.
NO. WITH COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR THE DANGER, THOUGH,
OUR TENNIS PRO PAIGE BACK TO THE MIDDLE,
STRAIGHT DOWN THE RED PLANK.
WOW!
YEAH!
WHAT A SHOW OF ATHLETICISM.
(cheering)
SHE HUSTLES PAST THAT TIPPY TABLE TO CLAIM THE FINAL SPOT.
(Jill) WE HAVE A GIRL!
AND WITH THAT, WE HAVE OUR FINAL SIX.
THEY ARE DELIVERY MAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA,
ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS,
MILLIONAIRE RICK RADDATZ,
DARYL McCLOUD, OUR AUTO MECHANIC,
SCOTT "THE UNIMPRESSIONIST" TORGAN
AND TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY.
BUT BEFORE THEY HAVE A SHOT
AT THE WIPEOUT ZONE AND THE 50 GRAND,
ONE MORE OBSTACLE IS STANDING IN THEIR WAY.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT."
WELL, THE DOUBLE CROSS NIXED SIX MORE CONTESTANTS,
AND WE'RE DOWN TO THE FINAL SIX.
HERE THEY ARE.
WE HAVE DELIVERYMAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA,
ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS,
MILLIONAIRE RICK RADDATZ...
(cash register dings)
DARRYL McCLOUD-- HE'S OUR AUTO MECHANIC,
SCOTT "THE UNIMPRESSIONIST" TORGAN
AND TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY.
TWO OF THOSE FOLKS, HOWEVER, MUST GO.
THE WIPEOUT ZONE CAN ONLY HOLD FOUR,
AND THE QUARTET THAT MOVES ON
GETS A SHOT AT OUR $50,000 PRIZE.
(whispering) BUT FIRST... SHH!
YOU SHOULD REALLY KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN
AS YOU INTRODUCE THE NEXT OBSTACLE.
WHY IS THAT?
BECAUSE OUR NEXT EVENT IS THE SLEEPYTIME SPINNER.
SHH!
THERE ARE SIX FEROCIOUS SHEEP WITH BIG FANGS...
(sheep snoring)
SLEEPING ON THE SWEEPER ARM.
(gasps)
THEY LOOK CUTE AND HARMLESS TO ME.
NO, THEY'RE EVIL!
(girl screams)
LOOK AT THAT ONE. IT'S STARING AT ME.
(sheep bleats)
ALL RIGHT, JOHN. ON THIS OBSTACLE,
OUR SIX CONTESTANTS WILL HAVE TO STAY
ON THE SLEEPYTIME SPINNER AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT IS THE TASK
OF JUMPING OVER THIS BAR.
AND THE EVIL KILLER SHEEP WITH BIG FANGS!
IN ADDITION, CONTESTANTS CAN GRAB FOR THIS BRASS RING...
(ding)
AND IF THEY HANG ON TO THAT, THEY GET A $1,000 BONUS.
THE LAST ONE STANDING IN EACH OF THE FOUR ROUNDS
WILL BE HEADED TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE!
YOU'RE WHISPERING AGAIN.
I KNOW. I DON'T WANT TO WAKE THOSE SHEEP.
THEY'LL GNAW MY FACE OFF, AND WITHOUT THE MONEYMAKER,
HOW IS DADDY GONNA BRING HOME THE BACON?
(sheep bleats)
JILL, HOW ARE WE LOOKING?
OH, GUYS, IT'S A WACKY SLUMBER PARTY DOWN HERE.
I LOVE FOOTIE PAJAMAS.
LOOK--TENNIS PRO HAS FOUND NEMO AND ALL HIS FRIENDS.
(normal voice) AUTO MECHANIC'S ENGINE IS PURRING.
THESE THINGS ARE GETTING PRETTY HOT.
NO, UNIMPRESSIONIST, I WOULDN'T CALL THAT "HOT."
DELIVERYMAN GETTING AWAY FROM THE OLD BROWN LOOK,
OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT PERSPIRING
AND OUR MILLIONAIRE ALREADY SEEING STARS.
(man) OH, MY GOD. THIS IS GONNA SUCK.
(bell rings)
YEAH, JUST WAIT TILL THOSE 12 TINY SHEEP
GNAW YOUR KNEECAPS OFF. JUMP, DEAR GOD, JUMP.
(sheep bleats)
(grunts)
OH! DELIVERYMAN GETS AN EARLY DROP-OFF.
OH!
FIVE CONTESTANTS STILL STANDING,
BUT NOW WE HAVE SLUMBER PARTY CRASHERS
TO TURN THIS INTO A PILLOW FIGHT.
(grunts)
OH, THE MILLIONAIRE'S DOWN,
BUT IT'S AUTO MECHANIC DARRYL WHO MISSED THE BAR.
NIGHT NIGHT. THAT LEAVES FOUR CONTESTANTS
VYING FOR THE FIRST SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(ding)
WHOA!
GOT THE RING!
SCOTT GOT THE $1,000 RING.
OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST
FINALLY DOES SOMETHING NOT UNIMPRESSIVE.
(cash register dings)
(Rick) THIS IS TIRING.
CRY ME A RIVER, RICHIE RICH.
MILLIONAIRE DOWN AGAIN
AND THIS TIME TOO TIRED TO GET BACK UP.
HE SLEEPS WITH THE FISHES. DOWN TO THREE CONTESTANTS
AND SOME VERY AGGRESSIVE SHEEP.
(sheep bleat)
(David grunts)
OH!
OH! OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT IS DEDUCTED
FROM THE COMPETITION. SERIOUSLY, JOHN, IT'S LIKE HE TRIED
TO TAKE THE SHORTEST NAP I'VE EVER SEEN.
(grunts)
THAT LEAVES OUR TENNIS PRO AND THE UNIMPRESSIONIST
BATTLING IT OUT FOR THE FIRST SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
TENNIS PRO DOWN, BUT SHE'S UP...
(screams)
SIDE DOWN.
OH, NO!
PAIGE IS OUT, AND THAT SENDS
SCOTT THE UNIMPRESSIONIST TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(sheep bleat)
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WE GOT OUR FIRST FINALIST...
WHOO!
FOR THE WIPEOUT ZONE-- SCOTT.
KEEP THE LEGS UP, KEEP THE SHEEP GOING BENEATH--
THAT'S ALL I COULD DO.
(John H.) AH, REMINDS ME OF MY FRATERNITY DAYS.
(bell rings)
AND IT'S ROUND TWO WITH FIVE CONTESTANTS
AND THREE SPOTS TO BE HAD IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(grunts)
OH!
OOH! ONLY SECONDS IN,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE OUR MILLIONAIRE'S CASHED OUT.
FOUR CONTESTANTS LEFT, AND, JOHN, IT IS RAINING MEN.
(Paige) AAH!
OUCH!
UH, NO, JOHNNY, IT'S HIGH-QUALITY GOOSE DOWN.
OH, THAT'S NOT SO BAD. THAT'S JUST FEATHERS.
NOW IT'S JUST ABOUT ENDURANCE... AND FEATHERS.
(John H.) I HOPE NOBODY HAS ALLERGIES.
(sneezes)
OUR DELIVERYMAN STEALING ALL THE COVERS.
(grunts)
OOH!
AH! BOY, OUR AUTO MECHANIC GETS ROTATED
LIKE AN OLD TIRE, AND HE'S IN THE WATER.
(sheep bleat)
LOOKS LIKE OUR TENNIS PRO HAS BECOME OVERWHELMED
BUT THE LUXURIOUSNESS AND OPULENCE OF DOWN.
AND IT'S A GOOD THING, BECAUSE DOWN IS
WHERE SHE'S HEADED.
TENNIS PRO OUT,
ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT ERASED AS WELL,
WHICH SHIPS OUR DELIVERYMAN INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
WHOO! (laughs)
THAT WAS QUICK.
ALL RIGHT, AND IT'S TIME FOR ROUND THREE.
THAT'S RIGHT, JILL.
ONLY TWO SPOTS LEFT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(bell rings, sheep bleats)
TIME TO GET SERIOUS, PEOPLE. AAH! BEAR ATTACK!
FEAR NOT, JOHNNY. IT'S A STUFFED ANIMAL.
(stuffed animal squeaks)
SHEEP AND FEATHERS AND BEARS--OH MY!
AAH!
OH!
(laughs)
IT ONLY TAKES ONE WET BLANKET TO RUIN A SLUMBER PARTY.
NOW WE HAVE EVEN MORE BEARS DROPPING IN. OH!
OH!
AND OUR AUTO MECHANIC CRASHES INTO THE SPINNER,
AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA DECLARE HIMSELF TOTALED.
THREE CONTESTANTS BEING PELTED BY ANIMALS...
(grunts)
AND IT LOOKS LIKE OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT
JUST WRITES HIMSELF OFF.
WOW.
THAT LEAVES JUST OUR TENNIS PRO AND THE MILLIONAIRE.
HOLD ON TO YOUR MONOCLE, MONEYBAGS.
(grunts)
HERE COME THOSE SHEEP AGAIN. OOH!
OH! HIS BALANCE WILL DROP TO ZERO,
AND OUR TENNIS PRO MOVES ON TO PLAY FOR THE DOUGH.
YOU TOOK THAT SPOT RIGHT AWAY FROM A MILLIONAIRE.
I HAD TO DO IT.
OH, BY THE WAY, UH, LET ME JUST--YOU GOT A LITTLE...
OH, DO I?
GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING.
(bell rings)
(John A.) OUR FINAL ROUND IS UNDERWAY.
WHO WILL NAB THAT LAST SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE?
WILL IT BE THE MILLIONAIRE, THE ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT
OR OUR AUTO MECHANIC?
I DON'T KNOW, JOHN, BUT I THINK THIS EVENT IS
BEGINNING TO BEAR DOWN ON OUR REMAINING THREE CONTESTANTS. OH!
(groans)
HE JUST THREW A UNICORN. YOU CAN'T THROW EXTINCT ANIMALS.
WHAT? THERE ARE NO MORE UNICORNS? NO!
(grunts)
WOW, JOHN, A UNICORN RIGHT UPSIDE THE HEAD,
AND THE MILLIONAIRE IS DAZED.
A LITTLE BIT OF A STUMBLE THERE.
CAN HE RIGHT HIMSELF? NO SALE!
MM.
OUR MILLIONAIRE'S ACCOUNT HAS BEEN CLOSED.
(sheep bleats)
GOOD NIGHT, MOON.
THAT LEAVES JUST OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT
AND OUR AUTO MECHANIC TO DUKE IT OUT FOR THE LAST SPOT.
THE AUTO MECHANIC SHIFTS IT INTO OVERDRIVE,
AND OUR ACCOUNTANT IS TRYING NOT TO GO DOWN FOR THE ACCOUNT.
WHO WILL IT BE?
OH!
OUR MECHANIC SLIPS DOWN. OH, HE SAVES...
OH!
OH, NO, HE DOESN'T SAVE IT.
TAKES A SHOT RIGHT IN THE GRILLE...
OOH!
AND HE IS SENT TO THE SCRAP YARD.
DAVID IS GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH, HE IS, JILL,
AND OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT IS ALL CHOKED UP ABOUT IT.
(coughs)
SO HE'LL BE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
ALONG WITH DELIVERYMAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA,
SCOTT "THE UNIMPRESSIONIST" TORGAN
AND TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA, BECAUSE THESE FOUR...
AAH!
WILL BE FACING DOWN THE WIPEOUT ZONE NEXT...
WHOO!
AND ONE OF 'EM WILL WALK AWAY WITH $50,000.
(man screams)
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT,"
WHERE 24 CONTESTANTS WANTED TO MAKE IT TO THIS POINT,
BUT ONLY THE FOUR BEST SUCCEEDED.
AND ONE OF THOSE LUCKY 4 IS ABOUT TO WALK AWAY WITH $50,000.
MM-HMM. TO DO SO,
THEY FIRST MUST FACE DOWN AND CONQUER THE WIPEOUT ZONE...
WHICH TONIGHT IS COVERED ENTIRELY IN FOAM.
I DIG THE FOAM. THE WIPEOUT ZONE MADE UP OF FOUR STAGES,
BEGINS HERE AT THE DREADMILL LAUNCH,
WHERE CONTESTANTS DROP AND BOUNCE 40 FEET
INTO BONE-CHILLING WATER.
THEN IT'S A SHORT SWIM OVER TO THE GUT BUSTERS--
SIX HYDRAULIC BLOCKS INTENT ON TENDERIZING MEAT.
AFTER ENDURING THAT POUNDING,
OUR CONTESTANTS MOVE ON TO THE SINISTAIRS.
THEY HAVE TO CLIMB TO THE TOP OF
A SPINNING, FOAM-SOAKED SPIRAL STAIRCASE OF TROUBLE
WITHOUT GETTING TAKEN DOWN BY TWO MEAN SWEEPER ARMS.
FINALLY OUR COMPETITORS WILL HAVE
TO MAKE THEIR WAY THROUGH THE GAUNTLET.
THE CRANKSHAFT WINDS IT ALL UP,
FOLLOWED BY THE INTIMIDATING BLADES OF FURY
AND THEN THE TREACHEROUS *** TOTTER.
(roars)
FROM THERE, ONE SLIPPERY LEAP TO THE FINISH PLATFORM.
FOUR CONTESTANTS REMAIN.
THE ONE WITH THE BEST TIME GOES HOME WITH ALL THAT MONEY.
FIRST UP--ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS.
HE'S DOWN ON THE FIELD WITH JILL RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT, SO, UM, HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU GOT A STRATEGY?
UM... DO IT QUICK.
DON'T FALL IN THE WATER. DON'T GET WET.
OH, THAT ALWAYS WORKS.
(John H.) HE'S GONNA MAKE A WONDERFUL ACCOUNTANT SOMEDAY.
(John A.) LET'S REVIEW HIS JOURNEY INTO THE ZONE.
ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS
FOUND HIS BALANCE TO BE AN ASSET ON THE QUALIFIER
AND AGAIN ON THE DOUBLE CROSS.
DESPITE SOME MISCALCULATIONS AT SLEEPYTIME,
HE REALIZED ONE OF HIS DREAMS...
AAH!
AND MADE IT TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH!
OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT ALSO ASPIRES TO WIN $50,000.
THE LAUNCH SEQUENCE INITIATED.
(beeping)
AND THERE HE GOES!
(lasers firing)
AAH! WHOO!
AND INTO THE WATER ON HIS BACK. WHOA!
AAH! WHOO!
YEAH, A BIT OF A FLAT ENTRY, AND THAT'S GONNA SLOW HIM DOWN
AND POTENTIALLY KNOCK THE WIND OUT OF HIM.
NOW HERE COMES DAVID UP TO OUR GUT BUSTERS--
THOSE BLOCKS THAT BUILD TO A HEIGHT
RISING 16 FEET ABOVE THE WATER.
YEAH, TONIGHT MADE THAT MUCH HARDER
BY THE FOAM COVERING THE ENTIRE WIPEOUT ZONE.
OH!
OH!
OH! OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT IS LEARNING THE HARD WAY...
OH!
JUST HOW SLIPPERY THAT FOAM REALLY IS.
BACK TO SQUARE ONE FOR THE ACCOUNTANT.
ON THE SECOND TRY, WE'LL SEE IF HE LEARNED
ANYTHING ABOUT PROPER TECHNIQUE FROM HIS FIRST-ATTEMPT FALL.
(grunts)
AH! OH, NO!
NO! NO!
HE HAS NOT QUITE GOT THE HANG OF THIS YET,
AS HE GOES IN AT VIRTUALLY THE SAME SPOT AS LAST TIME.
LESSON HERE-- IF YOU FALL, FALL EARLY.
THE FARTHER YOU GO, THE LONGER THE SWIM BACK.
AND ALL THAT FOAM MAKES THINGS EVEN TRICKIER IN THE WATER.
DAVID GETTING BY THE GAP
THAT GAVE HIM THAT TROUBLE HERE PREVIOUSLY,
AND FINALLY HAS THE END OF THE OBSTACLE IN SIGHT.
OH!
JUST ONE MORE JUMP, AND HE CAN FINALLY MOVE ON.
AND THERE IT IS.
HIS TRIUMPH WILL BE
SHORT-LIVED, THOUGH, AS AN EXHAUSTED-LOOKING DAVID
SLIDES DOWN TOWARDS THE SINISTAIRS.
(groans)
BURNED UP 7 MINUTES TO THIS POINT.
(grunts)
OH!
OH! THERE HE GOES AGAIN.
THE COMBINATION OF THE FATIGUE AND THE FOAM IS TOO MUCH.
HE IS IN THE WATER YET AGAIN.
TRACTION WILL NOT BE ANY BETTER ON HIS SECOND ATTEMPT.
DAVID NEARLY TAKEN OUT BY THE SWEEPER ARM.
BARELY DODGES ANOTHER, BUT ABLE TO STAY UP,
AND HE SCAMPERS TO THE TOP OF THE SINISTAIRS.
NOW IT'S JUST A SHORT JUMP TO THE PLATFORM.
JUST MAKES IT.
(exhales deeply)
SOUNDS LIKE THAT MAD DASH UP THE SINISTAIRS
REALLY TOOK THE WIND OUT OF HIM, JOHNNY.
(grunts)
NO REST, THOUGH, FOR DAVID. THE GAUNTLET AWAITS.
IT'S A LONG HOME STRETCH TO THAT FINISH PLATFORM, JOHN,
AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO TIME HIS ATTEMPTS JUST RIGHT.
AND HE DID JUST THAT WITH THE CRANKSHAFT.
BLADES OF FURY NEXT, AND VERY QUICKLY ACROSS.
(roars)
AND ON TO THE FINAL ELEMENT NOW--THE *** TOTTER.
AFTER A ROUGH START, OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT IS
REALLY PICKING UP THE PACE NOW.
DAVID SLIDING FORWARD.
THE *** TOTTER RISES UP.
(groans)
OH! AND DAVID SLIDES DOWN AND AWAY.
YEAH, HE WAS RIGHT AT THE END,
BUT HE SLIDES ALL THE WAY BACK.
NOW HE HAS TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK
AND START THE GAUNTLET ALL OVER AGAIN.
YEAH, THAT SWIM BACK ZAPPING MUCH OF HIS STRENGTH,
BUT HIS FOCUS IS STILL GOOD.
NO PROBLEM WITH THE CRANKSHAFT.
EASES THROUGH THE BLADES OF FURY.
AN AGAIN, SETTING THE TIME TO BEAT...
(grunts)
WILL HINGE ON THE *** TOTTER.
HE ALSO HAS TO CONTEND WITH THAT SLIPPERY FOAM.
OH, BUT THIS TIME THE FOAM NOT A PROBLEM.
(roars)
HE IS A CREDIT TO HIS WOULD-BE PROFESSION...
YES!
FINISHING IN A TIME OF 13:26.
I FINISHED! AAH!
LET'S SEE HOW THAT TIME HOLDS UP AGAINST OUR NEXT CONTESTANT--
VINCENT RAPPLEYEA.
DELIVERYMAN VINCENT RAPPLEYEA EXPRESS MAILED HIMSELF
THROUGH OUR QUALIFIER, THEN MADE THE DOUBLE CROSS A PRIORITY,
WHEN HE BECAME THE FIRST PERSON TO ADVANCE.
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
AT SLEEPYTIME HE HAD ANOTHER FIRST-CLASS PERFORMANCE,
SHIPPING HIMSELF OFF TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
OUR DREADMILL POWERING UP FOR THE LAUNCH SEQUENCE
AS ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS
WATCHES FROM 40 FEET BELOW ON THE SIDELINES.
THE LAUNCH SEQUENCE BEGINS, AND THERE HE GOES!
(beep, lasers firing)
OOH, NOT THE MOST AGGRESSIVE START OFF THE LAUNCH PLATFORM.
A NICE SPREAD EAGLE FORM,
BUT HE DEFINITELY DIDN'T MAX OUT THE DISTANCE
AND SPLASHES DOWN VERY NEAR WHERE DAVID HAD ENTERED.
OUR DELIVERYMAN VINCENT NOW GOING HEAD-TO-HEAD...
(grunts)
WITH OUR GUT BUSTERS.
DAVID TOOK TWO TRIES TO CONQUER THIS OBSTACLE,
SO OUR DELIVERYMAN CAN AFFORD TO HANDLE WITH CARE HERE.
OH! MISTIMED THAT JUMP.
OOH.
HE MANAGES TO HOLD ON BETWEEN THE TWO BLOCKS.
IT'S JUST THRASHING HIM NOW.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE CAN HANG ON MUCH LONGER. OH!
OH! I HAVE GOTTA SEE THAT AGAIN, JOHNNY.
LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO HOLD HIMSELF UP WITH HIS LEG,
BUT TO NO AVAIL.
SO AFTER A LONG, COLD, FOAMY SWIM,
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO TRY THESE OBSTACLES FOR A SECOND TIME.
VINCENT REALLY FEELING THE FULL FORCE
OF THOSE HYDRAULICALLY POWERED BLOCKS.
NOW IT'S JUST A SHORT JUMP TO THE PLATFORM,
AND THERE IT IS.
THE ACCOUNTANT CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS AND REALIZING
THERE IS NEARLY A 2-MINUTE DISPARITY BETWEEN THESE 2.
VINCENT DOESN'T APPEAR
TO BE IN A HURRY TO CHALLENGE THOSE SINISTAIRS, JOHNNY.
THROWING HIMSELF ONTO THE FIRST STAIR. OH!
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE REPLAY.
TAKING AFTER HIS PREDECESSOR, WIPING OUT IN THE SAME PLACE.
SO AFTER AN ILL-TIMED AND ILL-BEGOTTEN FIRST GO...
(grunting)
VINCENT WILL HAVE TO MAKE UP SOME TIME HERE
ON HIS SECOND PASS...
AAH!
OF THE VERY SLIPPERY, FOAMY SINISTAIRS.
NOW VINCENT IS SENDING HIMSELF EXPRESS MAIL
TO THE TOP OF THESE SINISTAIRS,
AND HE IS COMING AROUND ON WHAT MIGHT BE HIS FINAL REVOLUTION.
WAITING THERE.
AAH!
AND HE IS SAFELY ON.
AND VINCENT NOW MAKING HIS WAY DOWN THE RAMP,
GETTING READY TO START THE GAUNTLET.
OH, MAN.
"OH, MAN" IS RIGHT, JOHN.
VINCENT CLOSING IN ON DAVID AT THIS POINT.
(grunts)
OH!
WHOA! LET'S SEE THAT PUMMELING AGAIN.
THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND, HE TRIES TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT,
BUT THAT GAMBLE DID NOT PAY OFF.
TIME STARTING TO BECOME A CONCERN NOW.
AGAIN THE DEAD SPRINT. WHOA!
OH!
VINCENT'S RECKLESS ABANDON...
OH, WOW!
STOPPED COLD BY THE BLADES OF FURY.
LOOKS LIKE HIS MAD DASH THROUGH THE CRANKSHAFT PAID OFF,
BUT HE COULDN'T PUT THE BRAKES ON.
THOSE SWIMS BACK ARE TIME CRUSHERS, JOHNNY.
THE FOAM--IT LOOKS NICE, BUT IT IS A NUISANCE.
(grunts)
(John H.) VINCENT WITH ONE LAST CHANCE TO DELIVER HERE.
OH!
AGAIN, THE BLADES GET HIM,
AND WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT, JOHN,
HE WON'T GET BACK TO THE START OF THE GAUNTLET,
LET ALONE TO THE END OF IT.
(air horn blows)
IT WAS SO CLOSE, BUT NONETHELESS,
HIS "WIPEOUT" DAY IS DONE.
SO ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS
MAINTAINS THE TIME TO BEAT, BUT STICK AROUND,
BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, UNIMPRESSIONIST SCOTT TORGAN
AND TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY TAKE ON THE ZONE
AND A TIME OF 13:26.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT"
AND THE BIG FINISH HERE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
TWO DOWN, TWO TO GO. BASIC ACCOUNTING, JOHNNY.
ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT DAVID HARRIS HOLDS THE TIME TO BEAT.
STILL TO COME, TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY,
BUT FIRST UP-- UNIMPRESSIONIST SCOTT TORGAN.
(imitates Jack Nicholson) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
ALL DAY LONG, SCOTT TORGAN HAS BEEN
DOING AN IMPRESSION OF A MAN DOING WELL ON "WIPEOUT."
AAH!
WHOO!
DURING SLEEPYTIME, HE PERFECTED HIS IMPERSONATION
OF A GREAT COMPETITOR, GRABBING A $1,000 BONUS...
GOT THE RING!
ON HIS WAY TO A SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
SCOTT "THE UNIMPRESSIONIST" TORGAN
WAITING ON TOP OF OUR DREADMILL LAUNCH...
AS OUR ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT WAITS ON THE SIDELINES WITH JILL.
(beeping)
THE COUNTDOWN BEGINNING. THERE'S THE HORN.
(lasers firing)
AND SCOTT IS OFF-- OFF THE LAUNCH,
OFF THE TRAMPOLINE AND INTO THE WATER.
YEAH, HE REALLY PICKED UP SOME SPEED OFF THE LAUNCH PLATFORM,
AND CHECK OUT THE STRATEGY, JOHN--
ANGLING HIS BODY TOWARDS THE NEXT OBSTACLE.
HOPEFULLY, HE WILL MOVE QUICKLY, BUT WITH CARE....
(grunts)
AND PRECISION AS HE GETS ON THESE FOAMY GUT BUSTERS.
A DIFFICULT OBSTACLE AS IS, BUT WITH THE FOAM,
OUR CONTESTANTS ARE REALLY STRUGGLING.
OOH, A SLIGHT MISSTEP THERE,
ALMOST SENDING SCOTT INTO THE WATER,
BUT HE MANAGES TO STAY ON.
AND LOOK AT HIM GO, SLIDING ALL THE WAY DOWN,
USING THE FOAM TO HIS ADVANTAGE. WELL PLAYED.
(grunts)
AND HE MAKES IT ACROSS WITHOUT A WIPEOUT.
HE CAN JUST TAKE HIS TIME.
SCOTT THE UNIMPRESSIONIST NOW ON TO THE SINISTAIRS.
THAT'S RIGHT. A TIME OF 1:45,
AND ACROSS THE GUT BUSTERS WITHOUT INCIDENT ALREADY.
(grunts)
LET'S SEE IF OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST CAN CONTINUE
THIS TORRID PACE.
WHOA!
OH!
OH!
WATER TIME.
HE GOT A LITTLE TOO AGGRESSIVE, AND THAT SLIPPERY FOAM...
WHOA!
WORKED AGAINST HIM THIS TIME.
SO SCOTT'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER GO AT THIS ONE.
ONTO THAT FIRST STAIR, AND HERE HE GOES AGAIN.
HE IS NOT GONNA BE DENIED THIS TIME.
HE HAS MADE IT TO THE TOP ALREADY.
(grunts)
STILL HAS TO MAKE THAT LEAP OFF, AND AT TWO STORIES UP,
THAT'S DICEY. HE'S MADE IT ACROSS.
(grunts)
QUITE THE IMPRESSIVE PERFORMANCE THUS FAR, JOHN.
IT LOOKS LIKE OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST IS
MAKING AN IMPRESSION ON A VERY WORRIED ASPIRING ACCOUNTANT.
HE HAS GOOD REASON TO WORRY, AS SCOTT IS ROLLING
AND IN PERFECT RHYTHM WITH THE CRANKSHAFT.
BEAUTIFUL!
THE BLADES OF FURY--THEY RUINED THE LAST GUY, VINCENT,
ENDED HIS WIPEOUT ZONE.
(grunts)
(roaring)
OUR UNIMPRESSIONIST COMING UP ON THE *** TOTTER
AT THIS POINT.
HEY!
OOH! OKAY. SCOTT WITH A BIZARRE SEATED LEAP.
INTERESTING TECHNIQUE.
AAH!
OH!
OH!
THE HORSEBACK STYLE GOT HIM THROWN.
AAH!
THAT'S BACK TWICE,
HAS TO GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE GAUNTLET,
AND IT'S A LONG, FOAM-FILLED SWIM TO GET THERE.
BACK STANDING
AND READY TO GIVE THE CRANKSHAFT ONE MORE TRY.
HE HAS THAT CRACKERJACK TIMING ON THIS BABY,
AND HE IS BACK AT THE BLADES OF FURY.
TIMING THOSE PERFECTLY ONCE MORE, TOO.
(roars)
NOW HE'S GOT ABOUT A 3-MINUTE CUSHION,
BUT THAT CAN DISAPPEAR WITH ONE FALL ON THE *** TOTTER.
(roars)
(grunts)
OH, REALLY WRESTLING TO KEEP HIS BALANCE NOW,
SLOSHING ABOUT, FORWARD AND BACKWARD.
THE FINISH LINE TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE.
OH!
A LEAP TO THE FINISH.
I THINK I'M DONE.
SCOTT TORGAN'S OUR NEW "WIPEOUT" LEADER.
MAMA MIA! WHOO!
HIS TIME 10:25, AND THAT BRINGS US
TO OUR FINAL CONTESTANT OF THE NIGHT--PAIGE RODDY.
TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY WAS OUR LAST CONTESTANT
ON THE QUALIFIER, AND SHE ACED IT.
AAH!
SHE BARELY MADE IT THROUGH THE DOUBLE CROSS...
AAH!
BUT SURPRISED EVERYONE AT SLEEPYTIME,
SERVING UP A PERFORMANCE...
AAH!
WORTHY OF A SPOT IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
SO OUR YOUNGEST CONTESTANT OF THE DAY
AND THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE, HOPES HER ATHLETICISM
WILL PUT HER OVER THE TOP AND UNDER SCOTT TORGAN'S TIME.
(beeping)
PAIGE WAITING FOR THE OKAY TO LAUNCH.
HERE SHE GOES.
(lasers firing)
AAH!
OHH!
HEADFIRST AND FACE-FIRST!
AAH!
THAT'S A SPLASHY ENTRANCE, BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
SHE FLEW OUT OF THAT DREADMILL, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE
SHE COULDN'T MAINTAIN CONTROL, MAKING FOR
A PRETTY CHAOTIC HEADFIRST ENTRANCE INTO THE ZONE.
NEEDS TO LEAVE THAT ALL BEHIND, THOUGH...
(grunts)
AND GO FOR IT HERE ON THE GUT BUSTERS.
IT'S LIKE MORE OF A TIMID APPROACH,
SORT OF WAITING FOR EACH BLOCK TO COME TO HER.
(grunts)
MAYBE A GOOD IDEA, CONSIDERING HOW FAST SHE SHOT
OFF OF THE DREADMILL LAUNCH. BOUNCED AROUND A BIT.
STANDING NOW. OH, NO!
OH!
(gasps)
OH!
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK-- A BRUTAL TAG-TEAMING...
AAH!
BETWEEN THE TWO PISTONS AS THE GUT BUSTERS...
AAH!
REALLY LIVING UP TO THEIR NAME.
SO IT'S BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE GUT BUSTER.
PAIGE KNOWS THAT A 10-MINUTE TIME TO BEAT
IS EXACTLY QUITE A TIGHT WINDOW
IN THIS TOUGH, FOAMY, DARK WIPEOUT ZONE.
AND SHE JUST FIRES PAST THE GUT BUSTER BLOCK
THAT FELLED HER THE LAST TIME,
AND EVEN MORE QUICKLY, UP AND ONTO THE PLATFORM.
PAIGE IS OUR YOUNGEST CONTESTANT OF THE DAY,
AND A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE--
THAT'S A LOT OF COMPETITIVE EDGE, JOHNNY.
DIVES ONTO THAT FIRST STEP AND HAS A TWO-*** GRIP ON IT,
STAYING LOW TO AVOID THOSE SWEEPER ARMS,
BUT SHE KNOWS SHE CAN'T STAY THERE FOREVER, JOHNNY...
(grunts)
AS SHE SLOWLY CLIMBS UP THE SECOND STEP.
OUR TENNIS PRO WORKING SLOW AND STEADY..
(grunting)
WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING THE SINISTAIRS ARE--
SLOW OR STEADY. THIS IS A RACE, JOHNNY.
UNBELIEVABLE. SHE MADE IT!
LUCK! LUCK! LUCK! THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.
SCOTT, I THINK, TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF, JOHNNY.
I MEAN, LUCK'LL RUN OUT, TALENT WON'T,
AND PAIGE IS CLOSING THE GAP.
AAH!
OH! AND THAT WILL WIDEN IT.
THE CRANKSHAFT STRIKES.
AAH!
AND NOW THE CLOCK IS REALLY BECOMING A FACTOR...
AAH!
AS YOU CAN SEE PAIGE TIMING THE CRANKSHAFT ALL WRONG.
COMING UP NOW ON HER SECOND ATTEMPT AT THE GAUNTLET.
SHE'S GOT LESS THAN A MINUTE REMAINING ON THE CLOCK.
THIS TIME PAIGE TIMING OUT THE CRANKSHAFT PERFECTLY.
AND SHE'S EYEING THOSE BLADES OF FURY
THAT STAND BETWEEN HER AND $50,000.
OH!
INTO THE MIDDLE WITH JUST A SLIGHT STUMBLE.
SHE'S ACROSS SAFELY.
ALL RIGHT, MOMENT OF TRUTH, AS SCOTT WAITS FOR THE OUTCOME.
20 SECONDS LEFT. SHE MIGHT JUST PULL THIS OFF.
AAH!
SHE WILL GET ONE CHANCE ON THE *** TOTTER...
(groans)
SLIDING FORWARD A FEW FEET, A FEW SECONDS FROM VICTORY.
AAH!
SHE NEEDS TO LEAP OR THAT MONEY IS GONE.
SHE IS TURNED AROUND AND LEAPS OFF THE WRONG WAY.
OH!
OH! AND IT IS OVER FOR TENNIS PRO PAIGE RODDY
IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(air horn blows)
HEY, SCOTT, GUESS WHAT.
NUH-UH.
YOU JUST WON $50,000!
NUH-UH! NO WAY! NO WAY!
WHOO! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
JOHNNY, HE HAS DONE A GREAT IMPRESSION OF A WINNER,
AND I AM IMPRESSED.
OH, IMAGINE THAT. OUR WORK IS DONE HERE,
BUT JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK, WHEN 24 NEW CONTESTANTS
TAKE ON SOME CRAZY NEW OBSTACLES.
UNTIL THEN, AMERICA, I'M JOHN ANDERSON...
AND FOR OUR COLLEAGUE JILL WAGNER,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
♪♪♪
(boing, cuckoo clock chimes)
(grunts)
OHH!
(crunch)
(grunts)
(screams)
AAH!
HA HA!