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Hello and welcome to IC news taking the best news stories from the BBC website and cutting
them up into bite size chunks and throwing them up in your kitchen floor.
In this week’s news; Westminster’s poutiest man, Kermit the frog and SOPA.
So, Michael Gove, education secretary and general ***, has proposed that the British
people spend £60 building a new super yacht to mark the queen’s diamond jubilee. In
a weird twist of social justice Gove has suggested spending this money on one of the richest
women in the world in a time when unemployment figures are hitting 1.5 million, housing standards
are falling and the global economy looks set to tip back into recession.
Here at IC News we wonder why Gove can’t buy the Queen a normal old person’s present,
like some bath salts, a Midsomer murders box-set, or perhaps a coffin. However if he does decide
to go ahead with his plans, we think we know we can find a boat going cheap…
It ran aground off the Tuscan coast last Friday causing at least 11 deaths. Captain Francesco
Schettino has been placed under house arrest, following reports that he left the ship before
everyone on board was safe. In a fit of Berlusconi-ism, the captain has denied fleeing his vessel
and instead says he simply tripped and fell into one of the lifeboats. On a dramatic radio
conversation between him and the Italian lifeguards, the captain was told to “Get back on board
for f***’s sake”, sparking an Italian T-Shirt craze.
We’re pretty sure Francesco will go down in history as the least responsible Captain
since Captain Morgan. And now, best of 4chan with ------.
Sorry about that, you’ve just been SOPA’d. SOPA, or the ‘Stop Online Piracy Act’
is a proposed piece of US law that would allow the government to ban access to websites that
contain links to copyright material. Popular websites such as Wikipedia and Reddit have
temporarily suspended access in protest at the news, resulting in a distinct drop in
quality of students’ lab reports. Here at STOIC we’re opposed to all forms
of censorship – and just to prove it here’s what we think of Emma Watson.
I’d really like to… CONGRATULATE HER ON HER SUCCESSFUL CAREER POST POTTER. MY WEEK
WITH MARYLIN WAS A REVELATION …***. And finally, the music industry mourns as
Justin Bieber continues to live. This has been IC News and I’ve been Jonny
Pratt. I’m Michael Stanley. Goodbye. Goodbye.