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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE," 60
MINUTES, MINUTES OF VIDEO.
ANDY, WHAT'S COMING UP ON
TONIGHT'S SHOW?
>> THANKS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT IS
MOTHER'S DAY SEXIST?
THE SHOCKING ACCUSATION THAT IS
BOTH SHOCKING AND AN ACCUSATION.
>>> PLUS, THE U.S. GOVERNMENT
TELLS THE COMPANY BEHIND THE
WORLD'S FIRST 3D-PRINTED GUN TO
REMOVE THE PLANS FROM THE
INTERNET, LEAVING BEHIND COLD,
DEAD LINKS.
>>> FINALLY, 80,000 PEOPLE HAVE
APPLIED TO BE THE FIRST HUMANS
TO GO TO MARS AND NEVER COME
BACK.
WE'LL TRY TO FIGURE OUT TO WHAT
IT WILL TAKE TO MAKE BILL SHULTZ
ONE OF THEM.
>> HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
>> SAME TO YOU.
>> DID YOU GET MY CARD?
>> NO, I DIDN'T.
>> GOOD BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEND
U ONE, YOU JERK.
>> OKAY.
>>> LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST --
SHE'S SO HOT THAT GLOBAL WARMING
MAKES FRIGHTENING DOCUMENTARIES
ABOUT HER.
I'M HERE WITH AUTHOR, COLUMNIST,
AND FOX CONTRIBUTE OR, JENNAA
LOOK AT YOU SMILING, STOP IT.
IF COMEDIC GENIUS WERE AN OIL
FIELD, PEOPLE WOULD DRILL HIM
FOR PAY, MICHAEL IAN BLACK.
MIB.
-- AND NEXT TO ME, TUCKER
CARLSON.
"FOX AND FRIENDS" WEEKEND
CO-ANCHOR.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> AND EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF THE
GREAT "DAILY COLLAR.
"THE "♪♪
>> THE FIRST STORY, DON'T
FORGET, ROSS AND RACHEL WERE ON
A BREAK, GREG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> THEY WERE.
>> NO ONE FOLLOW.
SHOULD AMERICA SAY NO WAY TO
MOTHER'S DAY?
A WRITER SUGGESTS THAT THE
SPECIAL DAY IS SEXIST AND
REINFORCES GENDER STEREOTYPES.
KATE STONE LOMBARDI, OF COURSE
WITH THREE NAMES, LAMENTS THE
FACT THAT THIS SUNDAY IS SEEN AS
THE ONE TIME HARD-WORKING MOMS
ARE ALLOWED TO ESCAPE CHORES IN
THEIR WHINY, STUPID KIDS.
WHEREAS FATHER'S DAY IS WHEN THE
SO-CALLED BREADWINNERS ARE URGED
IT SPEND THE DAY WITH FAMILY.
SOME SAY MOTHER'S DAY'S DAY AND
FATHER'S DAY CARDS REINFORCE SEX
STEREOTYPES.
MOMS THANK THE HUG FOR DRYING
THE TEARS, ALWAYS BEING THERE.
DADS ARE THANKED FOR ROLE MODELS
AND INDIVIDUALS TO LOOK UP TO.
THIS IS DISGUSTING -- AND MAY
REQUIRE A MARCH ON WASHINGTON.
THE STATE OF, WASHINGTON,
THOUGH.
ANYWAY, SPEAKING OF SHOWING YOUR
LOVE --
HE DOES NOT NEED MOTHER'S DAY.
>>> HE HAS EVERYTHING IN HIS
HANDS OR IN BOOTS.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK, ARE YOU
TIRED?
YOU'RE A PARENTS WITH A WIFE AND
--
>> MULTIPLE CHILDREN.
DON'T ASK HOW MANY BECAUSE I
DON'T KNOW.
>> ARE YOU CONSTANTLY TIRED OF
ALLOWING GENDER CONSTRUCTS TO
MAKE OUR DECISIONS?
>> NO, I'M GROWING INCREASINGLY
MORE COMFORTABLE THE OLDER I
GET.
I WENT INTO PARENTING THINKING
I'M GOING TO BE THE COOL LIBERAL
HIPPIE DAD WHERE I'LL DO THE
CHORES AND BE ENGAGED WITH THE
KIDS.
NO MORE OF THAT.
I'M DONE WITH W THAT.
LET MOM SUCKLE.
LET MOM DRY TEARS.
LET ME BE THE ROLE MODEL AND
INDIVIDUAL TO LOOK UP TO.
>> ARE YOU N THE COLD, HARD
FATHER?
>> THIS IS HOW MY CHILDREN ARE
SPECIFICALLY INSTRUCTED TO
ADDRESS ME.
FATHER --
WITH THE SOFT "R."
"FATHER, MAY I PLAY
"MINECRAFT"?"
"NO, YOU MAY NOT."
>> WE NEED THAT.
THE WAY THIS SQULENGZ IS TURNING
OUT WILL -- GENERATION IS
TURNING OUT WILL END WITH THE
ULTIMATE IMPEACHMENT OF
PRESIDENT OBAMA.
>> I HOPE SO.
>> YOU HAVE KIDS, HOW MANY --
>> FOUR.
>> FOUR KIDS.
DO YOU THINK MOTHER'S DAY IS
SEXIST?
IS IT SEXIST --
>> WOW, FEMINISM'S STILL AROUND?
OKAY.
I MEAN, THIS CHICK'S THE LAST
PERSON IN AMERICA TO WONDER WHY
MOTHER'S DAY AND FATHER'S DAY
ARE DIFFERENT.
BECAUSE MOTHERS AND FATHERS ARE
DIDN'T.
ANYBODY WHO THINK --
>> TRY WHITE PEOPLE NEED A
HOLIDAY.
>> NO.
STILL MAKING -- GET RID OF THE
TRADITIONAL NUCLEAR TSUNAMI WE
DID.
AND IT SUCKS.
IT WASN'T REPLACED BY ANYTHING
BETTER.
IT WAS REPLACED BY CHAOS.
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
AND SADNESS.
>> CHAOS AND SADNESS.
THE NAME OF MY FERRETS.
JENNA, DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
I'M NOT SURE OF WHAT I'M ASKING.
>> I DON'T LIKE GENDER
STEREOTYPES BECAUSE I DON'T
THINK MOMS AND DADS FIT INTO
BOXES OF WHAT WE THINK THEY DO
--
>> THEY DO IN MY HOUSE.
>> MY DAD IS SUPER INCREASING.
MY MOM IS BAD [ BLEEP ].
SHE MOM HATE TO COOK.
IF PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME, THEY
WOULD PROBABLY THINK SHE COOKS,
CLEAN, NO, DO THAT.
>> YOU'RE NOT A MOM.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
BUT EVEN IF I WAS A MOM, I
PROBABLY WOULDN'T DO THOSE
THINGS.
>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
>> BECAUSE I WOULD WANT A HOUSE
HUSBAND.
I ALWAYS HAVE.
>> REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> ONE THING MEN CAN'T DO -- I
AGREE, MY WIFE'S NOT A BIG COOK
EITHER.
MEN IRAN GOOD AT A RAISING
REALLY -- MEN AREN'T GOOD AT
RAISING REALLY LITTLE KIDS.
>> I DISAGREE.
>> I MEAN REALLY LITTLE KIDS.
>> I WANT TO VIOLENTLY DISAGREE
WITH YOU, YET I TOTALLY AGREE.
LET ME SPEAK FROM MY OWN
EXPERIENCE.
>> I WANT TO DISAGREE, TOO.
I MEAN REALLY LITTLE, I DON'T
MEAN 5 --
>> I HATED MY BABIES.
THEY WERE TERRIBLE.
AND GIRLS KNOW WHAT TO DO, IT'S
INSTINCTIVE.
I NOTICED --
POOP.
THEY CAN HANDLE POOP?
ACCORDING TO MY WEB SITE,
WOMENHANDLEPOOP.COM --
>> NONE OF THOSE WILLIAM ARE
MOTHERS.
>> I TALKED TO YOUR MOTHER AND
SHE SAID THE BEST MOTHER'S DAY
GIFT WOULD BE IF BILL NEVER
TALKED TO HER AGAIN.
>> WHY DO YOU -- EVERY SHOW I
HEAR A HORRIBLE THING YOU SAID
ABOUT ME.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DIDN'T HAVE
DAD WRAPPING UP.
>> SORRY.
NOW AS FAR AS GUYS ARE
CONCERNED, WE CAN RAISE LITTLE
KIDS.
IT'S THE HOLDING TO THEM PART
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
THE DROPPING OF CURVES ALL THE
TIME.
WOMEN FOR WHATEVER REASON EVEN
THOUGH THEY'RE UNBELIEVABLY
WEAKER THAN WE ARE AND NOT AS
SMART -- THEY CAN HOLD KIDS MUCH
BETTER.
THEY'VE MORE MATERNAL AND BETTER
AT THAT.
IT'S THE CURVES.
>> YOU GUYS ARE PROVING MY
POINT.
MY DAD NEGATES EVERYTHING YOU'RE
SAYING.
IF THAT'S THE CASE, THAT TELLS
ME THERE ARE OTHER DADS THAT DO
--
>> WOULD THIS DEPRESS ME?
>> HE WASN'T SO GOOD AT IT.
I WAS NEVER MY DAD WALKING MAY
TO SLEEP AND SINGING TO ME.
HE WAS A SUPER NURTURING GUY.
KIND OF A MACHO MAN.
>> THIS IS WHAT WOMEN DO WHEN
YOU TALK ABOUT FACTS.
THEY BRING UP PERSONAL
ANECDOTES.
>> THAT'S CERTAINLY WHAT I DO.
>> I'M NOT LAUGHING.
>> NO, CAN I ASK YOU -- YOU'RE A
WRITER, ISN'T IT REALLY PROBABLY
THE MOST SEXIST THING TO DO IS
TO HIRE FEMALE WRITERS TO WRITE
IS IT SEXIST ARTICLES?
YOU NEVER HAVE -- THERE ARE NO
GUYS THAT GO IS VALENTINE'S DAY
SEXIST?
OR IS MOTHER'S DAY SEXIST, OR
ARE PUPPIES SEX SCIENTIST IT'S
ALWAYS WON.
ISN'T THAT INHERENTLY SEXIST TO
HIRE WOMEN TO DO THESE SNOW
SHOWERS.
>> I'M GOING CHALLENGE YOUR
BASIC ASSUMPTION.
I BET IF WE DID A LITTLE
LEXUS-NEXUS IS, THAT WHAT THAT'S
CALLED?
>> I THINK IT IS.
>> WE WOULD GUARANTEE THAT MEN
ARE WRITING THE ARTICLES.
>> SAVANNSELF--- SELF-HATING
MEN.
>> CLEARLY PATHETIC.
>> NO.
>> I WAS KIDDING.
>> I DO THINK IT WAS WITHIN THE
PURVIEW OF WOMEN TO WROTE BARLS
WHAT'S SEXIST AND WHAT'S NOT.
I THINK WOMEN MORE SENSITIVE,
TOO.
>> DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY FOR
MEN TO WHINE ABOUT SEXISM FOR
VALLEY?
>> YES, I DO.
I DO ACTUALLY.
I MEAN --
>> YOUR SON GREW UP TO BE A
PROFESSIONAL ANTI-SEXISM
ACTIVIST, YOU WOULDN'T BE
ASHAMED?
>> NOT AT ALL.
NOT AT ALL.
I DO THINK THAT THERE ARE ISSUES
THAT MEN HAVE THAT ARE SEXIST
ISSUES.
YOU THINK THEY'RE SEXISM AGAINST
MEN AND MEN --
>> MEN ARE AWFUL.
I'M NOT DEFENDING MEN IN ANY
WAY.
THE IDEA THAT A MAN WOULD BE
LIKE, I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE I'M
A MAN, I WANT TO CRUSH MY
MASCULINITY --
>> YOU DIDN'T GROW UP IN IN MY
HOUSEHOLDS WITH TWO LESBIAN
MOMS, TUCKER.
A LITTLE DIFFERENT --
>> HE'S NOT KIDDING.
THE MORAL IS WE SHOULD BE ABLE
TO CELEBRATE GENDER DIFFERENCES
RATHER THAN SAYING THAT --
>> IT'S WRONG.
THAT'S NICK --
>> EVERY NIGHT.
AND.
>> AND BY DOING THAT, SOMEHOW
LEADING TO THE IMPEACHMENT OF
PRESIDENT OBAMA.
BY THE WAY, WE MADE A SPECIAL
VIDEO FOR ALL THE GREAT MOTHERS
THAT WE SEE AS INSPIRATIONAL TO
OTHER MOTHERS HERE AT "RED EYE."
LET'S ROLL THAT.
♪♪
>> WHERE'S BRISTOL PALIN.
>> THIS IS BRISTOL BA --
PALIN?
>> THERE IS ONE WOMAN I DIDN'T
KNOW.
WHO IT WAS --
>> TANNING TOM?
>> NO, WHO IS --
>> FROM "GAME OF THRONES."
SHE FATHERED JOFFREY WITH HER
FATHER.
>> I AM NOT A NERD.
I DON'T WATCH.
-- WATCH IT.
THE FIREARM HAS BOUGHT THE FARM.
THE U.S. GOVERNMENT ORDERED A
TEXAS COMPANY TO STOP POSTING
DETAILS ON THE NORTH AMERICAN ON
HOW TO BUILD A PLASTIC GUN THAT
SHOOTS REAL BULLETS USING A 3D
PRINTER.
WE REPORTED THIS LAST NIGHT.
THAT WAS A REPEAT.
ANYWAY, EARLIER THIS WEEK,
DEFENSE DISTRIBUTED POSTED VIDEO
OF THE WORLD'S FIRST PRINCIPAL
PISTOL FIRING.
NOW THEY'VE BEEN FORCED TO SCRUB
THEIR ONLINE HOW-TO WITH THE
STATE DEPARTMENT CITING
INTERNATIONAL ARMS CONTROL LAW.
THE BIG RED BANNER AT THE
FILE-HOSTING SITE READS "DEATH
CAB" -- MY NICKNAME IN COLLEGE
-- "FILES BE REMOVED AT THE
REQUEST OF THE DEPARTMENT OF
DEFENSE TRADE CONTROLS."
THE COMPANY FOUNDER, CODY
WILSON, YEAH, CODY -- SUCH A
COOL NAME -- TELLS FOXNEWS.COM
THAT HE'S EXPLORING LEGAL
OPTIONS AND BELIEVES THIS IS ALL
POLITICALLY MOTIVATED.
HE ALSO THINK THAT IT'S AA
PHARMACEUTICAL -- A FUTILE
ATTEMPT TO KEEP THEM FROM BEING
SPREAD ON LINE.
>> A LIAM SNUR.
>> CAN YOU GO MEOW?
[ MEOWING ]
>> OF YOU WON'T --
[ MEOW ]
>> THANK YOU.
>> WHO HAS THOSE?
>> I WOULD HAVE ONE.
>> YOU WOULD HAVE ONE?
>> KOREA, I WOULD.
>> THEY'LL EAT YOUR EYES OUT.
THEY WILL EAT YOU WHILE YOU
SLEEP.
>> TUCKER?
>> YES?
>> SHOULD IT BE LEGAL TO POST
THESE PLANS ON LINE?
>> INFORMATION SHOULD BE LEGAL.
INFORMATION THE GOVERNMENT
DOESN'T WANT OUGHT TO BE
ILLEGAL.
NO, BY THE WAY, THIS IS
LUDICROUS BECAUSE NOBODY'S GOING
TO MAKE ONE OF THESE GUIDANCE.
>> YOU NEED THE PRINTER.
>> IN REAL LIFE -- FIRST OF ALL,
THE PRINTER COSTS $8,000.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A
PLASTIC GUN, YOU'RE JUST GOING
TO GET A STEEL PIPE AND
THREE-PENNY NAIL AND --
>> WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
>> HONESTLY, YOU WOULD EITHER
WANT A FIRE AROUND THROUGH A
PLASTIC BARREL?
NO THANKS.
I DON'T THINK ANY PERSON WOULD
WANT TO DO THAT.
BUT THE IDEA AS --
>> CODY WOULD.
>> AS A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE,
CODY WOULD DO IT.
>> ANYBODY NAMED CODY IS COOL.
>> HOW CAN THE GOVERNMENT STOP
YOU FROM DOWNLOADING BLUE
SFLINTS.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> AND WHY THE JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT?
THEY HAVE --
-- THE STATE DEPARTMENT, THEY
ARE ENFORCING DOMESTIC LAWS.
>> I WANT TO ASK, YOU ARE AN
INTERNET SCHOLAR.
>> YES.
AND AN INTERNATIONAL ARMS
DEALER.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
CAN INFORMATION REALLY BE
SCRUBBED FROM WHAT I LIKE IT
REFER TO AS THE WORLDWIDE?
>> AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT
EXACTLY RIGHT.
I APPLAUD YOU.
A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM YOUR
GENERATION DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY
IT.
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
>> THANK YOU.
I ONCE AGAIN FIND MYSELF ON
TUCKER'S SIDE.
NOW, YOU CANNOT -- A, ONCE IT'S
OUT THERE, IT'S OUT THERE.
THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO.
B, I AGREE INFORMATION COULD BE
FREE IF YOU'VE GOT THE
INFORMATION AND YOU WANT TO POST
IT AND SHARE IT, THAT IS YOUR
RIGHT AS A HUMAN TO DO.
>> SHOULD OBAMA BE IMPEACHED
OVER THIS?
>> OF COURSE, GOES WITHOUT
SAYING.
I THINK THERE ARE CRAZY, NERDY
PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO MIGHT WANT
TO LOOK AT THIS AND GET THEIR
HANDS ON IT.
I WORRY ABOUT THE MENTALLY ILL,
THE DISTURBED, THERE'S A SEGMENT
OF OF THE POPULATION THAT YOU
WANT TO --
>> BILL.
>> EXACTLY.
HE WAS WHO HIS IN MIND.
YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS AWAY
FROM.
THERE IS SOMETHING ODD AND
DISTURB BEING IT.
>> IF YOU'RE -- IF YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE THE POSITION WHICH I
THINK MOST PEOPLE AT THE TABLE
ARE TAKING.
MYSELF PROBABLY EXCLUDED, THAT
GUNS SHOULD BE LEGAL AND FREELY
AVAILABLE, I DON'T SEE WHY THE
CONSTRUCTION OF THE GUNS --
>> GOOD POINT.
>> SHOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
PARTICULARLY SINCE IT'S PROBABLY
A FAR LESS EFFECTIVE WEAPON THAN
--
>> NOT SUGGESTING GUNS ARE BEING
CONSTRUCTED.
THESE ARE PLANS UNDER WHICH YOU
CAN CONSTRUCT A GUN.
>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING DO?
MAKE A PAPIER-MACHIER HAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> I THINK IT'S A MEANS TO AN
END.
>> SHOULD WE BAN BOOKS ON --
>> YES, HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY
BLOG?
>> HOW ABOUT ANY BOOK THAT
CRITICIZED --
>> START WITH "HUCKLEBERRY FINN"
AND WORK YOUR WAY DOWN.
>> YOU TALKING ABOUT THE BOOK OR
THE DRIFTER?
>> IT DRIFTER.
>> THAT KID SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN
SCHOOL.
>> ISN'T THIS BIGGER THAN A GUN
WITH ABOUT -- WE WERE TALKING IT
3D PRINTERS.
THIS IS LIKE -- THIS IS GOING TO
BE THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION,
AND THE WORLDWIDE --
>> WORLD WIDE WEB.
YOU KNEW --
>> YOU KNEW I WAS GOG THERE.
THANK GOD I ONLY HAVE TWO
FINGERS.
YOU CAN MAKE CLOTHES, I CAN MAKE
FOOD, I CAN MAKE A MICHAEL IAN
BLACK.
I ALREADY DID IT.
I KEEP TELLING YOU.
I GUESS MY POINT IS AT THAT --
THIS IS IRRELEVANT.
WE'RE GOING TO BE MAKING STUFF
WITH OUR HOMES.
>> IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'RE
RIGHT.
BUT I WOULD OFFER UNSOLICITED
ADVICE TO CODY, THE CODE-STER
WILSON.
IF YOU WANT TO GET THE BULL'S
EYE THAT IS THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT OFF YOUR BACK, MAYBE
NOT SO MUCH WITH YOUR ANARCHY
WEB SITE.
THAT'S USUALLY A WAY FOR THEM TO
FOCUS IN ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE
DOING SOMETHING VIOLENT.
AND IED ADD THAT BUSH LIED AND
PEOPLE DIED.
I WANTED TO COUNTERACT SOME OF
THE OBAMA STUFF.
>> YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT -- FAIR GAME.
I'LL LET YOU HAVE THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
>> DEATH ISN'T A GAME, GREG.
>> WAIT, WE'RE NOT DOING THE
NEXT STORY?
WE BETTER GET TO THE NEXT -- IT
SOUND LIKE I'M TALKING TO
MYSELF.
>> WHO -- THERE'S THOUGH ONE
HERE.
WE CAN'T HEAR THIS PERSON
EITHER.
>> COMING UP, HOW CAN WE MAKE
AMERICA STRONGER?
TUCKER CARLSON DISCUSSES HIS NEW
BOOK, "I DRESS UP LIKE A GIANT
KIDNEY IN UNDERGROUND BARS ON
THE WEEKEND."
NOT ON TOPIC, BUT OKAY, "FOX AND
FRIENDS" ANCHOR.
>>> SHOULD A HIGH SCHOOL HOTNESS
TOURNAMENT BE BANNED?
PERHAPS, BUT THEN AGAIN, MAYBE
>>> HE'S PICKING UP SLACK FOR
USELESS BARAK.
YEAH, DENNIS RODMAN SAYS HE'S
RETURNING TO NORTH KOREA,
WHEREVER THAT IS, IN AUGUST TO
REASON WITH THE PUDGY PRINCE KIM
JONG-UN BECAUSE PRESIDENT OBAMA
"CAN'T DO THE S-WORD."
THURSDAY, THE TIRED OUT
TUMBLEWEED TOLD TMZ HE'LL TAMPA
TO CONVINCE HIS PINT-SIZED PAL
TO RELEASE AMERICAN TOURIST
KENNETH BAYH, WHO'S BEEN
SENTENCED TO 15 YEARS HARD LABOR
FOR ALLEGEDLY PLOTTING TO
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.
LET'S LISTEN IN AS THE WORM TALK
OF SPRINGING BAYH AND SOME
THINGS WE COULDN'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND.
>> IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT
BECAUSE -- I THINK HIS
NATIONALITY AS FAR AS HIS
BACKGROUND, I THINK THERE'S THIS
WHOLE DIFFERENT SITUATION.
THAT'S THE ONLY THING.
BUT YOU KNOW, HEY, I'M NOT A
DIPLOMAT.
I'M JUST -- I'M GOING DO ONE
THING FOR YOU.
LOOK AT THE PLAQUE PRESIDENT, HE
CAN'T EVEN --
[ INAUDIBLE ]
>> PUT THAT ON YOUR [ BLEEP ]
SHOW.
>> DID YOU HEAR --
>> OBAMA CAN'T DO [ BLEEP ].
DO THAT FOR [ BLEEP ].
>> WOW.
HERE'S HOT ROD TAKING CREDIT FOR
KIM NOT LAUNCHING HIS MISSILES
AS WELL AS MORE BARAK BASHING.
>> AT LEAST KENNEDY DID ONE
THING -- HE TOOK OUR MISSILES
BACK.
DANG YOU.
HE TOOK THE MISSILES BACK.
>> [ BLEEP ] OBAMA.
>> I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT
BETTER MYSELF ALTHOUGH I DON'T
KNOW REALLY WHAT HE SAID.
MEANWHILE, RODMAN HAS REVEALED
WHO WILL BE JOINING HIM ON THE
TRIP.
TAKE A LOOK.
♪♪
>> I HOPE THEY CAN FIT ON AIR
FORCE ONE OR AIR FORCE FUN AS IT
WILL NOW BE CALLED.
MIB.
IF HE PULL ITS OFF, WILL
NAYSAYERS WHO HAVE CONSTANTLY
MADE FUN OF HIM BE FORCED TO
GROVEL BEFORE HIM LIKE THE
LOSERS WE ARE FOR DOUBTING HIM?
>> YOU'LL BE EATING A LOT OF
HUMP BELL PIE, DPREG --
>> I WILL.
>> JUST LIKE CHICAGO FANS DID
WHEN THEY BROUGHT DENNIS RODMAN
IN, A TROUBLED ATHLETE BUT A
TALENTED REBOUNDER WHO WON THAT
TEAM 13 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS IN
THE 1960s.
YES, DENNIS RODMAN -- AS SOON AS
I STARTED TALKING I REALIZED I
WAS GOING TO RUN OUT OF
BASKETBALL KNOWLEDGE VERY, VERY
QUICKLY.
AND I DID.
>> BEING SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS
NOTHING, I BELIEVED THERE WERE
13 --
>> I DID, TOO.
>> I CAN TELL YOU THAT
EVERYTHING HE PLAYED WAS --
>> TUCKER, DO YOU THINK KENNETH
BAYH WAS TRYING TO OVERTHROW THE
GOVERNMENT.
>> I WANTED -- IS THAT NITROUS
OXIDE THAT DENNIS RODMAN SAW?
WHAT MAKES HIM TALK THAT WAY?
>> HE IS SOBER.
>> HEY --
>> FOR REAL, THOUGH.
WHAT'S THE PHYSIOLOGICAL
EXPLANATION?
>> SOUND LIKE HIS TONGUE IS TOO
BIG.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, IT SOUND LIKE HE HAS
TROUBLE JUST GETTING WORDS OUT.
>> HERE'S -- HERE'S MY THEORY.
EVERYBODY KNOWS SOMEBODY WHO
QUIT DRINKING.
AND THEY -- THEY EXPLODE WITH
CREATIVITY.
THIS IS WHAT YOU COULD BE
SEEING.
>> I QUIT DRINKING.
>> YES.
>> I CAN STILL SPEAK ENGLISH.
>> YOU'RE NOW THE HOST OF "FOX
AND FRIENDS" IN THE MORNING.
>> WE HAD RACES LAST WEEK.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE MOCK -- I'M NOT
JOKING ABOUT THIS.
THEY WERE FANTASTIC.
IT WAS SUNK OH DE MELLO.
WE -- CINCO DE MAYO.
WE HAD A BURRITO-ROLLING
CONTEST.
>> THAT WAS AMAZING, GREAT
STUFF.
>> AND I'M NOT -- IT WAS GREAT
TELEVISION.
LET ME SAY THIS.
PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF DENNIS RODMAN
LIKE HE'S -- THE TRUTH IS, HE'S
NO MORE EMBARING THAN BILL
RICHARDSON WHO WENT OVER TO
NORTH KOREA AND SUCCESSFULLY
NEGOTIATED A NUMBER OF --
>> MAYBE IT WILL WORK.
>> JEDEDIAH!
HE CLAIMS HE'S NO DIPLOMAT, BUT
HE COULD END UP BEING THE
GREATEST DIPLOMAT WE HAVE EVER
SEEN SINCE INSERT THE NAME OF
SOMEBODY.
>>IN BUT OBAMA.
THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT I KNOW
WITH A BIGGER EGO THAN PRESIDENT
OBAMA.
>> I LIKE YOU.
>> I KNOW.
I ALWAYS THROW IN AN OBAMA JOKE.
HE THINKS HE CAN SOLVE THE
WORLD'S PROBLEMS.
IF HE CAN MANAGE THINGS THAT
POLITICIANS HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
DO IN THE PAST 20 YEARS, GO FOR
IT.
MAYBE WE NEED A REGULAR GUY.
>> HE IS A REGULAR GUY.
MAYBE WE NEED A JOE SCHMOW.
>> I HAVE GIVEN OCCUPY
POLITICIANS.
>> YES.
HE'S A READ GUY LIKE YOUR DAD
WAS LIKE GREAT WITH KIDS.
ALL RIGHT.
BILL?
YOU WERE NEERD RODMAN IN THE
'90s.
HOW DID IT FEEL WHEN YOU WATCHED
HIM TRASH YOUR CURRENT BE DID
LOVED?
THE IT MUST HAVE RIPPED YOU IN
HALF.
>> THAT WAS HOW SOMETHING ELSE
FELT.
I'M GLAD WE PICKED AN EARLIER
TIME SLOT, WAY TO STOP YOURSELF.
>> I LOVED THAT HE WAS
CHALLENGITMZ.
ALL OFF KILTER.
I'M GOING TO SHOW SOMETHING IN A
BLOCK.
PUT THAT IN YOUR SHOW.
>> RODMAN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S
DOING.
ALL HE HAS TO DO IS TELL KIM
JONG-IL --
>> UN.
>> SORRY, KIM JONG-UN.
>> THAT WAS THE KID.
>> I WON'T BE YOUR FRIEND
ANYMORE IF YOU DON'T DO IT.
THAT GUY IS SO OBSESSED WITH
DENNIS RODMAN, YOU WOULD SAY I
WON'T WRITE OR MAKE PHONE CALL,
BUT HE IS HOMELESS.
HE HAS NOWHERE TO LIVE.
ALL HE'S GOT IS NORTH KOREA.
>> THAT'S TRUE, HE WON'T DO IT.
>> WHAT -- IF KIM JONG>> DOES
THIS BECAUSE OBAMA ASKED.
ANOTHER STRATEGIC PART ON NORTH
KOREA'S BEHALF TO DO THAT.
>> I'M TELLING YOU, THIS COULD
BE A MAJOR GAME CHANGER FOR THE
PRESIDENCY AND FOR DENNIS
RODMAN.
IN FACT, THEY END UP SWITCHING.
AND REALLY THE MORAL PRESIDENCY
BELONGS TO RODMAN.
>> WOW.
>> WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR COMMON
ALASKA?
>> THE MORAL PRESIDENT?
I DON'T KNOW -- AFTER MY HANDS
ARE CROSSED, I CAN'T UNACROSS
THEM.
>> WE'LL HAVE TO BREAK.
>> I'VE BEEN WRONG ABOUT THIS
FOR SO LONG.
I'VE SAID HOW STUPID COOL PEOPLE
ARE, BUT WHEN YOU'RE DEALING
WITH A GUY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
WHO THINKS YOU'RE COOL, THAT'S
MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING.
HE COULD ACTUALLY PULL THIS UP
BY SAY, HEY, IF YOU DON'T DO
THIS I WON'T BE YOUR FRIEND.
>> WHY ARE BEGINS SO BIG IN
GHANA?
>> IT'S THE SAME THING, GREG.
>> BECAUSE THEY'RE LITTLE THERE.
YOU ARE A GIANT.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NEW
MOVIE, "GONE IN 60 SECONDS."
YES.
>> THE DUMBEST JOKE EVER.
ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE
SHOW IN E-MAIL US --
TGO A VIDEO OF YOUR ANIMAL DOING
SOMETHING?
GO TO FOXNEWS.COM/REDEYE.
>>> STILL TO COME, THE HALF TYPE
REPORT FROM ANDY LEVY.
WHY WON'T HE GO TO NORTH KOREA?
WAIT, HE DID.
>>> TONIGHT'S HALF DOPPLER
REPORT IS SPONSORED BY PRISON,
THOSE SECURE PLACES WHERE PEOPLE
ARE CONFINED FOR PUNISHMENT FOR
A CRIME.
THANKS, PRISON.
>>> WE'RE BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE'VE GOT
ANYTHING SO FAR.
ANDY LEVY.
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M GREAT.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> YOU TOOK.
>> NOT REALLY.
>> IS MOTHER'S DAY SEXIST?
YOU REFERRED TO MICHAEL IAN
BLACK AS A PARENT WITH KIDS.
>> I KNOW.
I TRY TO COVER ALL THE BASES.
THERE ARE PARENTS WITHOUT KIDS
--
>> THAT WE CALL THEM PARENTS
ANYMORE.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MICHAEL IAN
BLACK, YOU SAID YOU THE TO BE
THE ONE YOUR KIDS LOOK UP TO,
THE ROLE MODEL.
YOU ALSO SAID, "I HATED MY
BABY."
YEAH.
>> HOW THOSE TWO STATEMENTS
MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE?
>> MY SEND IS WITHOUT KNOWING
YOUR CHILDREN THAT THEY PROBABLY
KNOW THAT YOU HATED THEM AS
BABY.
>> YOU'RE DARN RIGHT THEY DO.
>> YEAH.
AND I'M SAYING -- FOR THAT
REASON, I FIND IT HARD TO
BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD LOOK UP
TO YOU.
>> YOU'VE NEVER READ "THE GREAT
SANTINI" OR CLASSIC LITERATURE
ABOUT HARD-NOSED FATHER WHO MAKE
THEIR CHILDREN LOVE THEM OUT OF
FEAR, NOT RESPECT?
IN YEAH, HE WAS KIND OF A JERK,
TOO.
>> KID GREW UP ALL RIGHT.
PAT CONROY, TERRIFIC NOVELIST.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY.
ALSO SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN
THERAPY.
>> WHATEVER.
>> AND?
THERAPY GOT YOU OUT OF P.E.
YEAH.
JEDEDIAH -- KATE LOMBARDI, WHO
WROTE THIS PIECE, SEEMS TO PIN
HER WHOLE PIECES ON THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MOTHER'S DAY
CARDS AND FATHER'S DAY CARDS.
MAYBE MOTHER'S DAY ISN'T SEXIST.
MAYBE PEOPLE WHO WRITE GREETING
CARDS ARE LAZY HACKS.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GREETEDING
CARDS BECAUSE THEY'RE SAD AND
THAT THREAT PICK.
I BUY EMPTY, PLANK CARDS WITHAND
CARROT ON THE FRONT.
>> I DO IT AND WRITE IT MYSELF.
SOMETHING -- IT A CUTE THING, I
MAKE A HOME MADE COUPON BOOK
WITH MASSAGE.
FANTASTIC.
>> FOR HUGS AND STUFF?
>> YES, EXACTLY.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> THEY NEVER GET REDEEMED, DO
THEY?
>> NO.
THEY'RE STILL SITTING AROUND.
GETS ME OUT OF PAYING FOR CRAP.
>> TRUE.
YEAH.
BILL, YOU SAID MEN CAN RAISE
KIDS, THEY CAN'T HOLD ON TO
THEM.
IT'S LIKE YOU WITH THE BEER
GLASS.
>> WOW.
>> THAT SHOULD BE A GREETING
CARD.
>> YEAH.
>> MAYBE FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY
OR SOMETHING.
THERE'S A FUTURE --
>> EDDIE?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY
PLAIDER.
THAT'S NOT A GREETING CARD.
>> NO, NO.
>> HOPE HE HAS ONE BUT CAN'T
HOLD ON IT.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK, YOU
CHALLENGED THE THING WITH -- I
DID A SEARCH AND NOT A SINGLE
ARTICLE WRITTEN BY A MAN EVER.
>> OKAY.
>> NO, THAT WAS WRONG.
>> IT TAKES A BIG MAN, ANDY, TO
ADMIT HAD HE'S WRONG.
THE KIND OF MAN THAT CHILDREN
LOOK UP TO AND WANT PREVIOUSLY
WHEN THEY GROW UP.
>> YEP.
TALK A SMALLER MAN, THOUGH, TO
BELIEVE THAT I DUEL THAT SEARCH.
GREG, QUICK QUESTION -- WHY WAS
ROSEANNE IN THAT MONTAGE OF BAD
MOMS?
>> WE NEEDED SOME BAD MOMS.
>> I DON'T THINK SHE WAS A BAD
MOM.
EVERY OTHER MOM IN THAT MONTAGE
WAS A PRETTY BAD MOM, BUT --
>> NOT GWYNETH.
>> IS SHE?
YOU LOOK UP TO HER?
>> SHE MAKES HER OWN SOAP.
>> SO DOES BILL.
BASICALLY REPROCESSED BODY FATS.
>> COMPLETE BEHIND GUNS, PLAN.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE STATE
DEPARTMENT OFFICE IS RESPONSIBLE
FOR ENFORCING THE ARMED EXPORTS
CONTROL ACT AND TRAFFIC JUDGE N
ARMIES REGULATION, SO ARE YOU
EXPEDITING SOMETHING WHEN YOU
PUT IT ON THE APTLY NAMED WORLD
WEB OHIO.
THIS IS LIKE A BLAKE HELICOPTER
NAMED IN ENFORCING INTERNATIONAL
LAW IN THE DOMESTIC UNITED
STATES.
TURNS OUT SOME OF THE CRACKPOTS
WERE RIGHT AFRAID.
>> YEAH.
BUT THE ARMS EXPORT CONTROL ACT
IS, I THINK HOUR LONG.
>> BUT STATE DEPARTMENT, NOT A
LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES SHOULD
NOT BE?
>> YEAH.
I COMPLETELY AGREE.
AND THAT SAID, MICHAEL IAN
BLACK, I GREW THIS IS STUPID,
IT'S OUT ON THE BAY AND OTHER
SITES WHICH HAD TO LOOK UP.
IT'S BEEN DOWNLOADED OVER
$135,000 WAS ME HITTING REFRESH.
I GOT DIAL UP, STILL.
ALSO, YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THAT
YOU NEEDED MORE THAN ONE COPY OF
THE PLAN TO MAKE A PERFECT GAIN.
TAKES A BIG MAN TO AD WHERE THE
THAT.
ANDY, ARE YOUR NOTES WRITTEN ON
PSYCHO PAPER?
IN THERE WAS A GREG, I DON'T
WANT TO GIVE AWAY TOO MANY
SECRETS.
APPARENTLY THE PAPER THAT WAS IN
THE HAD.
YEAR OF PEYT-- YOU SAID ON
"FOX AND FRIENDS" YOU HAD
CHIHUAHUA RACES AND BURRITO
ROLLING TEST.
TELL ME THE LOORS DIDN'T MEAN --
I AM NOT EX-ANIMAL RATING WITH
THE CHEF -- IT'S TED STONER.
I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP.
>> THE BURRITO OF COLD --
>> I DID NOT JOHN McCAIN DURING
THE RESTAURANT.
YOU NAMED A GUY LIKE THEPOTION.
HE CAN RUN LITTLE -- HE DONE SAY
THAT THE BURRITO ROLLING HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CHI
UNITED AUTO WORKERS UNION SINCE
THEN.
>> I WAS SAYING, LAST YEAR,
SAYING, I'M LIKE -- HEAP SLAPS
LIKE A CHILDREN.
>> IT WAS ON MORE AMERICAN.
>> I KNOW.
>> CERTAINLY GOT A FUTURE ON
FOX.
IT YOU HEAR THAT?
>> MAYBE IT.
>> OUT FOR YOUR JOB.
>> WHAT COULD IT BE CALLED?
AMERICA AT RODMAN.
PLAYOFF PLAYOFF -- IT DOESN'T
MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF WE MAKE IT
OR NOT, WE GOT EACH OTHER AND
THAT'S A LOT FOR LOVE.
NOT A STORY, JUST ANOTHER NOTE
SCRAWLED IN LIPSTICK ON MY
WINDSHIELD BY GREG JARRETT.
THE MAN HAS LOST HIS MIND.
>>> WOULD YOU TAKE A ONE-WAY
TRIP TO MARS?
BE SURE TO SCREEN YOUR ANSWER
DIRECTLY -- SCREAM YOUR ANSWER
DIRECTLY INTO
>>> SO MANY YEARN TO NEVER
RETURN.
YEAH, NEARLY 80,000 PEOPLE HAVE
APPLIED TO BE THE FIRST HUMANS
TO LAND ON MARS.
AND THEN LIVE THERE FOR GOOD
THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK.
A NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION PLANS
TO PUT PEOPLE THERE BY 2023.
THEY BETTER BE HOT.
THE FIRST HOMESTEADERS OF WHAT
MIGHT BE A PERMANENT COLONY SAID
LANSDORF, "THIS IS
TURNING OUT TO BE THE MOST
DESIRED JOB IN HISTORY."
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
YOU STILL HAVE MY SWEATSHIRT.
DISCUSS.
>> LIGHTNING ROUND.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> FOREVER.
JEDEDIAH, IF MARS -- THEY TOLD
80,000 PEOPLE THEY HAD BEEN
SELECTED, HOW MANY WOULD CHICKEN
OUT KNOWING THIS WAS A ONE-WAY
TICKET?
>> LIKE 79,999.
I THINK IT'S KIND OF SCARY TO GO
THERE -- I BORE EASILY.
SO ALL I'M THINKING IS WHAT
WOULD I DO THERE.
>> YOU WOULD BURN UP IN ABOUT
TEN SECONDS.
>> THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE A GYM
OR A BEAR BURGER -- MAY FAVORITE
BURGER IN NEW YORK.
IT'S AMAZING.
I'M KIND OF BORING.
>> THERE'S NO LILITH FAIR ON
MARS.
>> NO LILITH FAIR.
NO HOT MUSICIANS.
COME ON.
>> YES, YES.
>> NO DREAM CATCHERS THERE YOU
CAN PUT AROUND YOUR ROOM.
>> EXACTLY.
>> NO BOYFRIEND CONSTANTLY
CONFUSED BY YOUR ODD MUSICAL
SELECTIONS.
MIB, WOULD YOU GO IF YOU COULD
BRING YOUR COLLECTION OF DOLL
BABY HEADS?
>> I WOULD BE TEMPTED TO GO EVEN
WITHOUT THE DOG BABY HEADS.
I THINK MOST OF THE PEOPLE, AT
LEAST HALF OF THE 80,000 WOULD
GO IF COLLECTED.
I THINK, YOU KNOW --
>> IT'S A ONE IN A LIFETIME.
>> LITERALLY ONCE IN A LIFETIME,
YEAH.
>> IT'S A COMPELLING THING TO BE
THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON
ANOTHER PLANET.
YOU'LL BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU'LL BE CONNECTED SORT OF TO
EARTH.
THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE IT INTO A
REALITY SHOW.
>> YEAH.
THEY'LL FILM IT.
YEAH.
>> I -- I WOULD BE -- I WOULD
SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT GOING IF
WE DIDN'T HAVE KIDS.
AND WOULD MORE SERIOUSLY THINK
ABOUT GOING BECAUSE OF THE FACT
THAT I DO HAVE KIDS.
>> I WOULD DRIVE -- YOU'D FLY AT
-- TUCKER, IS THIS ANOTHER
EXAMPLE OF EARTHLING
COLONATIONWIDING AND DESTROYING
A PLACE -- COLONIZING AND
DESTROYING A PLACE WHERE THEY
DON'T BELONG?
>> NO, IT'S MORE LIKE INVADING
CANADA.
WHY?
IT'S JUST NOT WORTH.
IT BUT SEE PICTURES OF IT?
>> MARS?
>> YEAH.
LOOKS LIKE RENO.
IT'S BLEAK.
>> I LOVE RENO.
>> I LOVE IT, TOO.
>> THE BIGGEST LITTLE CITY IN
THE WORLD.
>> TRUST ME, I'M NOT CRITICIZING
RENO.
>> SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE
CRITICIZING RENO --
>> A LITTLE BACKPEDALING THERE
FROM TUCKER CARLSON.
>> IT'S TOUGH ENOUGH FOR THOSE
WHO APPRECIATE A TOUGH TOWN.
>> WE WON'T BE WATCHING "FOX AND
FRIENDS" THIS WEEKEND.
>> RENO -- I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
IN RENO.
>> HIS SOME OF THE BEST TIMES OF
MY LIFE, AND I'M NOT JOKING.
>> IT'S A HELL HOLE -- RENO'S A
HELL HOLE.
>> RENO IS AWESOME.
>> HAVE YOU EVER SHOT A MAN --
WE GOT A TATTOO IN RENO.
>> I MET A STRIPPER IN RENO.
>> WHAT IS THE QUESTION?
>> THE QUESTION IS, IS THIS JUST
THE UGLY AMERICAN STREAM WHERE
WE'RE PILING ON TO THE EIFFEL
TOWER AND MAKING A MESS AND
EMBARRASSING OURSELVES IN A
FOREIGN LAND.
WE'LL IMPROVE MARS --
>> EVERY WHERE WE GO, WE'LL MAKE
IT BETTER.
>> THE ONE RESPONSE, HE MADE FUN
OF RENO AND THROWING IN THAT YOU
GO TO FRANCE A LOT.
USUALLY --
>> YOU HAVE KNOWN BAS FOR YEARS.
DO YOU THINK HE'LL PULL THIS
MISSION OFF, OR IS HE PULLING A
BAZ?
>> HE PULLED OFF "THE GREAT
GATSBY," HE CAN DO ANYTHING.
LUHRMAN.
>> EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES IT'S
MORE FABULOUS.
>> DIED THIS.
I HAVE NO PROBLEM TRYING IT, BUT
I'LL TELL YOU WHY -- WOMEN WITH
THREE ***.
>> THERE'S NO PROOF OF THAT --
>> THERE IS PROOF.
>> IF YOU WANT TO FIND A WOMAN
WITH THREE ***, IT'S ONE WOMAN
DATING BILL.
BILL'S A ***.
>> IF YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH
ACTUAL THREE ***, CALL ME.
I AM DONE WITH TERRA FIRMA.
>> HERE'S MY POINT, CAN'T WE FIX
THE BARREN PLACES ON EARTH
FIRST?
CLEVELAND, DETROIT --
>> MY ROOM.
>> WHAT?
>> MY ROM.
-- MY ROOM.
>> YOUR WOMB?
>> EXACTLY -- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S POSSIBLE.
THERE'S A HOT-ROVERSY -- I
COINED THAT PHRASE.
I'LL MAKE IT INTO A WEB SITE
ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY HEARD THAT AND
IS DOING IT.
HOT-ROVERSY.COM OR DOT-ORG?
MALE STUDENTS PIT THEIR FEMALE
CLASSMATES AGAINST EACH OTHER
AND VOTE ON WHICH IS SEXIEST.
WHILE THE VOTING IS GOING ON,
GIRLS ARE ENCOURAGED TO "LOOK
THEIR FINEST."
THE TOURNAMENT HAS BEEN GOING ON
FOR FIVE YEARS.
OFFICIALS SAY THERE'S LITTLE
THEY CAN DO BECAUSE IT ISN'T
HELD ON SCHOOL GROUND.
I DO THE SAME THING WITH ELDERLY
GARDENERS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD IN
THE LOSERS' PARISH.
MIB.
FOR MOST OF THE HOTTEST PEOPLE
IN SCHOOL, IT'S ALL DOWNHILL
AFTER THAT.
WHY NOT LET THEM ENJOY IT?
>> I'M TRYING TO -- I'M TRYING
TO THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT
THIS.
I GUESS I'M SORT OF AGAIN IT
MORALLY AND ETHICALLY.
I CERTAINLY WOUNT MY
DAUGHTER TO COMPETE IN THIS
UNLESS SHE WON.
>> YES.
YES.
>> YOU KNOW, IN WHICH CASE --
>> SHE WOULD.
>> TOTALLY.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE -- MY
DAUGHTER'S SO HOT.
SHE'S MY-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.
SO HOT.
>> SO PROUD.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
JEDEDIAH, YOU WERE ACTUALLY A
TEACHER.
>> YES.
>> DOES IT ALREADY -- DON'T KIDS
ALREADY KNOW WHO'S HOT AND WHO'S
NOT IN SCHOOL?
ISN'T THIS REDUNDANT?
>> IT IS, BUT KIDS LIKE TO WRITE
IT DOWN AND MAKE A GAME OUT OF
IT.
THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR
YEARS.
I REMEMBER THIS IN MY GRAMMAR
SCHOOL AS A KID.
THE PROBLEM WASN'T THE BOYS
BEING MEAN, THE PROBLEM WAS THE
GIRLS BEING MEAN.
ALL THE GIRLS WHO GOT PICKED
GANGED UP AGAINST THOSE WHO
DIDN'T AND WE HAD THE
CHEERLEADER THE --
>> YOU DIDN'T GET PICKED.
WE GET IT.
>> SORRY.
>> THAT IS MEAN.
>> THAT IS REALLY MEAN.
THANK YOU.
>> TUCKER, SHOULD THIS BE SHUT
DOWN?
>> NOT I DON'T.
AS LONG THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS
STOPPING THE PLASTIC GUN WEB
SITES, WHY NOT THIS?
YO
THIS, BUT I WOULD BE SHOCK AND
JEDEDIAH CAME BACK AND IT WASN'T
THE GIRLS WERE PERPETUATING
THIS.
>> I AGREE.
>> THE NATURAL COMPETITION --
>> GIRLS LOVE THAT.
AND GIRLS HAVE CRUEL AT THAT
AGE.
GIRLS CAN BE VERY --
>> AT EVERY AGE.
>> PARTICULARLY HIGH SCHOOL
GIRLS, MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRL --
>> GIRLS IN COLLEGE, GIRLS WHO
GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE, GIRLS IN
THE WORKING WORLD, GHARL ARE
MARRIED, GIRLS THAT HAVE KIDS.
MIDDLE AGED WOMEN, SENIOR
CITIZENS --
>> THE ELDERLY.
>> THE ELDERLY, THOSE WHO ARE
DEAD AND COME BACK AND HAUNT
YOU.
FEMALE VIEWERS TWEETING ME IF I
HAVE MALE GENITALIA.
SCREW YOU BETTYBOOP32.
>> THAT'S AWFUL.
>> ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S A DUDE
WHO DID THAT.
IT WASN'T EVEN HIM -- HE WAS
LIKE, JUST INQUIRING.
>> HE WAS NING ON COMING TO
NEW YORK --
>> YOU DIDN'T WANT IT HURT HIM.
BILL, YOU WERE VOTED TO MOST I
DO STG OF YOUR OWN VOMIT -- TO
DIE STINKING OF YOUR OWN VOMIT
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> EVERYONE DEGREES OF STINKING
OF SOMETHING.
>> SECOND OF ALL, THESE PEOPLE
SHOULD WATCH THEIR MOVIES.
ANY OF THESE GUYS USE SOCIAL
NETWORK?
ZUCKERBURG HAD RATED HOW HOT THE
WOMEN WERE AND WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THAT CAME FACEBOOK, AND HE
BECAME A BILLIONAIRE.
WATCH YOUR MOVIES, PEOPLE.
THIS IS WHY I'M GOING TO MARS
FOR THE WEEKEND --
>> THIS IS WHY YOU'RE TELLING ME
THE SITE THAT RATED THE HOTNESS
OF HARVARD DIDN'T DO THAT BELL?
>> IT WAS BY TRIAL AND ERROR.
THEIR BRAINS WERE BEAUTIFUL.
ARE YOU SO SHALLOW.
>> I.
.
-- I AM, I AM.
>> FIRST RENO, NOW FEMALES
WITHOUT BRAINS.
BUY ONE FOR YOUR MOTHER'S DAY,
IT'S MOTHER'S DAY ALREADY.
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
>>> A CALIFORNIA WOMAN WAS
ARRESTED AFTER SHE SLAPPED A COP
IN THE FACE BECAUSE SHE WANTED
TO GO TO JAIL SO SHE COULD QUIT
SMOKING.
ETTA MAY LOPEZ, LOOKING AWESOME,
WILL GET HEAR WISH.
THE 31-YEAR-OLD PLEADED NO
CONTEST TO MISDEMEANOR BATTERY
AND WAS SENTENCED TO 63 DAYS IN
THE SLAMMER.
SHE ADMITTED SHE WAITED OUTSIDE
THE COUNTY JAIL FOR HOURS
EARLIER THIS WEEK INTENT ON
ASSAULTING THE OFFICER.
TUCKER, YOU GO IN AND OUT OF
SMOKING.
I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST
CHARMING STORIES EVER.
SHE WANTED TO QUIT SO BAD SHE
PUT HERSELF IN JAIL.
>> ANYBODY WHO'S EVER TRIED IT
HAS TOTAL SYMPATHY.
OBVIOUSLY SHE'S A MEMBER OF THE
HOMELESS/MENTALLY ILL.
I DON'T THINK THE IDEA IS CRAZY.
I WOULD NEED TO DO THAT -- I
ONLY SMOKE FIVE CIGARETTES AT
MOST A THEY.
I UNDERSTAND HER MIB.
IF THEY CAN'T AFFORD THE PATCH
OR FUNDAMENTAL, WHY NOT THIS?
>> YEAH.
SOMETIME IT F I JUST NEED A
BREAK --
>> YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NOT THROW A BRICK THROUGH A
WINDOW.
I'LL DO WHAT IT TAKES.
>> YOUR KIDS DRIVE YOU NUT.
>> OH -- I'D GO TO MARS TO GET
AWAY FROM THESE KIDS.
MAR, I'M TELLING YOU.
MARS!
>> BEST CALL-BACK SHOW EVER.
>> AREN'T CONJUGAL VISIT
CURRENCY IN SGLAL.
>> IT IS.
THERE'S A WOMAN THAT'S -- SHE
SMOKES AND PARTY AND IS
PASSIONATE.
MY ONLY PROBLEM WITH HER -- ONLY
HAS TWO ***.
GOODNESS.
ALL RIGHT, -- JEDEDIAH, COULD W
HAVE A SERIOUCOP-SLAPPING
IMPACT?
>> I DON'T THINK SO, BUT I'VE
SLAPPED PEOPLE FOR LESS AND -- I
DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS,
NICORETTE AND ALL THAT.
I GUESS IF IT'S PRICEY AND IT'S
YOUR OWN REASON --
>> WHAT'S THE MOST FRIVOLOUS
REASON YOU EVER SLAPPED SOMEONE.
>> FOR STEALING MY PEN.
LISTEN, I'M FROM BROOKLYN, WE
DON'T MESS AROUND.
>> YEAH.
TUCKER, YOU'RE SMOKING A -- AN
ELECTION CIGARETTE RIGHT NOW,
AREN'T YOU?
>> RIGHT NOW.
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
>> THERE'S NOTHING YOUR HAND --
>> DOES IT WORK?
>> THE ELECTRIC CIGARETTE?
THE E-CIGARETTE SWEEPING THIS
NATION?
ENJOY, BLUE --
>> I CAN'T GET OVER THE RITUAL
OF IT.
I LIKE --
>> I LIKE TO SEE HOW MUCH HE'S
DROPPING AND GET FREE ONES.
LET ME JUST SAY, THIS IS TOTALLY
TRUE.
IF THE U.S. GOVERNMENT WAS
INSEAR IN WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE
-- SINCERE IN WANTING IT HELP
PEOPLE QUIT, THERE ARE ALL KIND
OF PRODUCT OUT THERE.
I QUIT IN ONE DAY WITH -- THEY
HAVE CIGARETTE AND HAVE A HUGE
INTEREST IN YOU SMOKING.
>> AND YOU CAN SAY I'M TUCKER,
SOME MORE GUM?
>> NOT ONE TIME HAVE I GOTTEN
FREE ANYTHING FROM --
>> I DID HYPNOTISM.
DID NOT WORK.
DID NOT WORK.
FOR FOUR DAYS I THOUGHT I WAS A
TICKET --
>> YOU'RE DOWN TO FIVE
CIGARETTES A DAY?
THAT'S NEVER -- I DON'T SMOKE
THAT MUCH.
I JUST SMOKE WHEN I DRINK.
>> BUT YOU DRINK A LOT.
>> I DRINK A LOT.
THAT'S TRUE.
ALL RIGHT.
A LOT OF GATORADE ACTUALLY.
WHICH IS ***.
I TALL IT GA
>>> MICHAEL?
>> YES.
>> SERIOUS QUESTION.
WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN HANDSOME?
>> ANDY?
>> YOU FLATTER ME.
>> IT'S A QUESTION ON
AMERICA'S MIND.
>> IT'S A COMBINATION OF DIET,
EXERCISE AND GENETIC AUTOS
ABSOLUTELY.
AMERICA NEEDS TO KNOW.
>> I JUST WANT TO WISH MY
WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL MOTHER
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
>> I'M SITTING HERE.
>> I SHOULD WISH MY MOM HAPPY
MOTHER'S DAY.
>> TOO LATE.
>> TO ALL MOM AUTOS YES.
>> THANK YOU.
THAT DOES IT FOR ME, I SHALL
SEE YOU NEXT TIME, WHICH WILL
BE VERY SOON.
AS I STAIR AT YOU.