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Hello, and Happy National Coming Out Day. I'm well out of the closet, so I don't have
anything great to tell you about my day like I woke up at like, 12pm, I *** around on
Youtube all morning, drank my coffee, did some stretches... And it's a PA day, too,
there's nothing for me to do here. But my girlfriend went to school, she told me she
wore these shirts she made with her GSA, which is cool, too. Everybody's been celebrating
or coming out today, so that's great. But, since I don't really have a story to tell,
about my day, I thought that maybe to commemorate this day, I guess I would tell my coming out
story. So here goes. The summer of my grade eight year was the end of my immaturity phase,
and I guess, my bisexuality phase... started, there. I don't say "phase" in a negative way,
or anything like that. Not to disrespect anyone who is bisexual, but it really was a phase
for me. Back then, I was really in denial about being gay, and I really didn't want
to be, because in my fourteen year old mind, I would loose my sense of normalcy. I tried
to cover it up by sitting on the fence. And that's stupid, too, because it's a high fence,
it's hard to get down. Meaning that it's hard to suddenly go from, "Yeah, I'm bisexual,"
to "Yeah, I'm gay." And it was easier with my friends because they're fine, they're supportive,
and they have been. Me and my mom has some issues in the beginning, most of it, communication
issues, we got into a lot of arguments. Usually my mom would say something about how I looked,
and I would get like, overly offended over it. And my appearance changed after I came
out a second time. Like I said, my grade eight summer was pretty much the end of my immaturity
phase, I stopped wearing wacky, over-the-top outfits. I went through camoflage phases,
I went through scene phases, harajuku phases, it was *** terrible. And when I entered
high school, I started going for more of a casual look, as you can see. It's not that
I could show it all the time either, I do go a Catholic school, and I do have to wear
a uniform everyday. Which is probably why I matured out a bit. After I came out the
second time to my mom, and said, "Yeah, well I'm just plain gay, I'm sorry that I said
that before." She paid more attention to how I dressed, she wanted me to grow out my hair,
to wear more girly things, to wear more makeup. My mom thought I was trying to be "The Boy."
For example, if I were to get into a relationship with a girl, she thought I was trying to assume
a masculine role. Which is stupid, because if you look at a pair of chopsticks, do you
ask which one is the fork and which one is the spoon? No. But since then, my mom has
since opened her mind a lot, she'll shop in the boy's department with me. She lets me
cut my hair how I want it. She's never been ignorant, she's just been curious. As well
as that, I've learned to be a lot more open to criticism, I've learned to take less offense
to what people say, which is a good thing. But anyway, my grade nine year was all over
the place, grade ten was a lot better in terms of family issues. My grandpa knows, my grandma
knows, I'm pretty sure my uncle knows. I'm open about my sexuality, I'm not one to shout
if from the rooftops or make a great big statement about it because I'm not, by nature, a very
loud or sociable person. But I am honest, and I am comfortable with who I am. Despite
that, even now, I get *** in the hallways. You know, some ignorant *** behind me
mutters "***" or "***." But I don't really care as much as I did a couple years ago.
It doesn't ruin my entire day, or I don't have this emotional breakdown in the bathroom
anymore. There's this book, called "The Duff," by Kody Keplinger. "Duff" stand for Designated
Ugly Fat Friend. It's about this girl who falls in love with this playboy rich dude
type, and that's what he nicknames her. So, it's a good story, if you're up for that.
I hate to say that a book changed my life. There's a line in here, it goes like-- "Casey
had recently taken to using Duff as a word of our own, molding it into our casual conversations.
At first I found it kind of unsettling. I mean, the word was an insult. It was horrible.
But I appreciated what Casey was doing. The word was ours now, and as long as we held
onto it, we could control the hurt it inflicted. So, after that, I basically thought of that
line the same way I would think of the word "***" the word "***," and any other insult
that I would hear, and it's just letters to me, now. It's not words anymore. If I don't
give it power, then it just doesn't affect me. So now, I don't have as much trouble with
self esteem issues, and things like that, like I used to. As Andrea Gibson once said,
"Fear is only a verb if you let it be." And, I don't. So yeah. That's my coming out story.
It's not like I have a lot of struggles to get through, here. This is a city I live in,
it's not a big city, it's not a small town, but it's Canada, you know? Like, who cares?
I'm pretty sure the premier of Ontario is a lesbian, so. It's not a big deal as much
as it would have been in other parts of the world. And I do know that I have it lucky
with my family, they're very accepting, so are my friends. If something were to happen
at school, I know that there's teachers that would back me up on it. Where as, in other
parts of the world, you don't get that. To people who have celebrated National Coming
Out day, I sincerely hope that you had a great day today. I hope everything turned out the
way you wanted it to. If it didn't, you know what, things don't always stay the same, people
change their minds, and we've come so far, it's not the end of the world if someone is
hesitant right now, because I'm sure they'll come around soon. I don't want you to feel
too depressed today. Just know that someone is thinking about you-- I'm thinking about
you, I'm sending positive thoughts your way. So, be cool. You'll be okay. Be happy.