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>> WELL, WE'RE DOING ALL WE CAN.
IF HE'S A FIGHTER, HE'LL HAVE A
CHANCE.
HIS BODY HAS BEEN THROUGH HELL,
BUT WE'LL TRY EVERYTHING WE CAN,
DOYLE.
>> PSST, JENNIFER. COME HERE.
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST.
PLEASE, JENNIFER, COME HERE.
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST,
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST.
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST.
COME ON, JENNIFER. COME HERE.
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST,
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST.
THE CHRIMBUS HOLIDAYS ARE
COMING, YES?
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY FAVORITE
CHRIMBUS STORY?
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST,
PSST, PSST, PSST, PSST.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE "TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD.
IT ALL BEGAN ONE NIGHT ON THE
CHRIMBUS STAGE.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: IT'S THE "TIM AND
ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD.
>> Tim: WHOO-HOO-HOO!
>> Announcer: STARRING TIM AND
ERIC.
>> Eric: YEAH!
>> Announcer: FEATURING CAROL
AND MR. HENDERSON,
JAMES QUALL, TAIRY GREENE,
DR. STEVE BRULE, WINTERMAN...
>> Both: WHOA!
>> Announcer: ...PIERRE, AND THE
TIM AND ERIC DANCERS.
AND NOW PLEASE WELCOME TO THE
STAGE, TIM AND ERIC!
>> Tim: THERE'S ALL OUR FRIENDS!
>> Eric: WE'RE ALMOST THERE!
>> Tim: HI, EVERYBODY.
WHEW.
HAPPY CHRIMBUS, EVERYBODY.
>> Eric: HAPPY CHRIMBUS.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR ALL MY
CHRIMBUS GIFTS THIS YEAR.
>> Tim: OOH, I CAN'T WAIT TO
FIND OUT WHAT I GOT INSIDE MY
CHRIMBUS BUSH.
WHAT AM I GONNA GET?
>> Eric: WHAT THE HECK AM I
GONNA GET?
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA, WHAT AM I
GONNA, WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA, WHAT AM I
GONNA, WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ TRIMMING THE CHRIMBUS BUSH,
WAITING FOR WINTERMAN ♪
♪ TRIMMING THE CHRIMBUS BUSH,
WAITING FOR WINTERMA-A-A-A-A-N ♪
♪ WHAT'S HE GONNA GET? ♪
♪ GOT TO KEEP IT TRIMMED AND
WET ♪
♪ WHAT'S HE GONNA GET FOR
CHRIMBUS? ♪
♪ KEEP IT TRIMMED AND WET ♪
♪ WHAT'S HE GONNA GET FOR
CHRIMBUS? ♪
♪ GOT TO KEEP IT TRIMMED
AND WET FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
♪ WHAT'S HE GONNA GET IN HIS
CHRIMBUS BUSH? ♪
♪ THE SEASON OF GETTING IS THE
SEASON OF CHEER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GATHER 'ROUND THE
BUSH THIS YEAR ♪
♪ IT'S THE SEASON OF GETTING,
IT'S THE SEASON OF CHEER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY GATHER 'ROUND THE
BUSH THIS YEAR ♪
>> Tim: COME ON, EVERYBODY.
LET'S HAVE A DANCE PARTY.
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
>> Eric: START WITH HIM!
>> Tim: OKAY, LET'S GO!
COME ON, MOVE!
[ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
>> Eric: YOU, IN!
>> Tim: COME ON.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> Eric: NOT GREAT.
TIM, AFTER YOU.
NOW, THIS IS NICE.
>> Tim: [ GIGGLES ]
PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
>> ♪ WINTERMAN IS COMING THROUGH
THE FOREST ♪
♪ DOWN TO HIS CHRIMBUS CAVE
INSIDE THE WOODS ♪
♪ NOW'S THE TIME TO TELL HIM
EVERYTHING YOU WANT INSIDE YOUR
CHRIMBUS BUSH ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Tim: ♪ FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Eric: ♪ FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Tim: ♪ FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Eric: ♪ HEY ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Tim: ♪ FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Eric: ♪ HEY ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Tim: ♪ FOR CHRIMBUS ♪
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
♪ IT'S CHRIMBUS TIME, WE'RE ALL
TOGETHER ♪
♪ IT'S THE LIFETIME SEASON OF
THE YE-E-E-E-E-E-E-AR ♪
>> Tim: WELCOME TO THE "TIM AND
ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
>> Eric: SO GOOD TO BE HERE.
HELLO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Tim: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT,
ERIC?
I'M ALREADY HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> Eric: I HEAR YOU, TIM.
THERE'S NO BETTER WAY TO SPEND
THE CHRIMBUS HOLIDAY THAN
SINGING AND DANCING WITH YOUR
LOVED ONES AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
[ CANNED LAUGHTER ]
>> Tim: YEAH, I WISH WE HAD SOME
KIND OF DIGITAL MEMORY OF THIS
WONDERFUL NIGHT.
>> Eric: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LIKE A COMPUTER PRINT-OUT OF THE
SCRIPT?
[ CANNED LAUGHTER ]
>> Tim: WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
IT'S AS IF WE HAD RECORDED THE
WHOLE THING ON VIDEO AND SAVED
IT ONTO SOME KIND OF...
UH... I DON'T KNOW, A DISC.
>> All: HMM.
>> Eric: THAT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO
BE TRUE, TIM.
>> All: AWW.
>> HI, GUYS!
>> Both: [ SCREAMING ]
>> Tim: WHO ARE YOU?!
>> I'M A DVD MONSTER.
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME DEE VEE.
>> All: HI, DEE VEE.
>> Tim: HEY, NICE MEETING YOU,
DEE VEE.
>> Eric: HAPPY CHRIMBUS,
DEE VEE.
>> DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS
AMAZING TV SPECIAL IS NOW ON
DVD?
>> Tim: WHA-A-A-A-A-T?!
WOW, THAT'S HUGE NEWS.
THAT'S GONNA BE ONE OF THE
GREATEST DVDs ON THE MARKET.
>> Eric: TIM, IT'S A CHRIMBUS
MIRACLE THAT THIS DVD EVEN
EXISTS.
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ FABRIC RUSTLING ]
>> Announcer: IS YOUR STORE
PREPARED TO HANDLE 100 DVDs OF
THE "TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL?
CINCO FACTORIES ARE BURNING DVDs
FAST!
ONE OF THE GREATEST CHRIMBUS
SPECIALS OF ALL TIME CAN NOW BE
YOURS.
ORDER YOUR PALLET OF 100 DVDs OR
MORE AND RECEIVE THIS SPECIAL
END CAP, FEATURING CINCO'S
LULLING SPRAY.
CINCO'S LULLING SPRAY SAFELY
LULLS YOUR CUSTOMERS INTO BUYING
THIS MUST-HAVE DVD.
PLUS, IF YOU ORDER NOW, YOU'LL
ALSO RECEIVE THIS BONUS
FEATURE -- THE COMPLETE CHRIMBUS
CAROL, STARRING CAROL AND
MR. HENDERSON.
>> Tim: HEY, PIGGIE-PIGGIE.
>> Eric: HI, MR. HENDERSON.
>> Tim: WHOA, HOW MANY
BREAKFASTS DID YOU HAVE THIS
MORNING, HUH?
>> Eric: JUST ONE.
>> Tim: AH, YOU LOOK LIKE A BIG
ATOM BOMB.
>> Eric: YES.
>> Tim: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA
DO WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND?
I'VE GOT IT ALL MAPPED OUT.
I'M GONNA TIE YOU UP, GET YOU IN
MY BARN, LET THE ANIMALS HAVE AT
YOU FIRST.
THEN I'LL SMACK YOU IN THE MOUTH
WITH MY WICK.
CAPICHE?
>> Eric: THANK YOU,
MR. HENDERSON.
THANK YOU, SIR.
>> Tim: AHOY, HOY, HOY!
HAPPY CHRIMBUS EVE, MY DARLING,
MY SWEET.
I'VE GOT A LITTLE LOW-FAT
BREAKFAST FOR YOU HERE.
GONNA HELP YOU START THE DAY
RIGHT.
>> Eric: IT'S NOT EVEN.
[ SLOSHING ]
>> Tim: YOU'VE GOT TO GET IT
FROM THE CENTER.
>> Eric: IT'S NOT BALANCED.
>> Tim: I DON'T KNOW WHAT --
>> Eric: LOOK, MR. HENDERSON.
I'M REALLY NOT HUNGRY, AND I'M
NOT IN THE MOOD.
>> Tim: BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY SOME
OF THESE BERRIES.
I JUST PICKED THEM FROM THE
GARDEN.
THEY'RE FULL OF VITAMIN D.
JUST LICK ONE.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
ANY MORE?
>> Eric: NO. THANK YOU.
>> Tim: I'LL LET YOU GET SOME
MORE REST, HON.
YOU TAKE CARE.
ANYTHING YOU NEED, YOU JUST RING
A BELL.
>> Eric: I WISH I HAD MY OLD
MR. HENDERSON BACK.
PFFT!
WHO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-A!
[ SQUEALING ]
AHH.
AHH.
>> Announcer: WE'LL BE BACK WITH
MORE OF "A CHRIMBUS CAROL."
IT'S "BRULE'S RULES" WITH
CHANNEL 5's DR. STEVE BRULE.
>> Dr. Brule: OH, HI.
I'M DR. STEVE BRULE, HERE TO
REMIND YOU OF THE RULES OF
CHRIMBUS.
RULE NUMBER 1 -- THE
WINTERMAN'S NOT HAPPY UNLESS YOU
EAT A POUND OF HAIR IN THE YEAR.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT IT FROM
YOUR HEAD, HAVE HAIR FROM THE
OTHER PARTS OF YOUR BODY.
JUST REACH DOWN BY YOUR DINGUS
AND PULL OUT.
[ TEARING ]
OW.
THERE'S A CHUNK.
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO
EAT YOUR FAIR SHARE OF HAIR, OR
THE WINTERMAN DOESN'T COME.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ GAGGING ]
[ CHOKING ]
FOR YOUR HAIR.
>> HAPPY CHRIMBUS!
HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE SHOW!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA, WHAT AM I
GONNA, WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Announcer: WE NOW RETURN TO
THE "TIM AND ERIC" CHRIMBUS
SPECIAL.
>> Eric: HI, AND WELCOME BACK TO
THE CHRIMBUS SHOW.
>> Tim: WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE.
>> Eric: SAY, TIM, WHAT ARE YOU
UP TO TODAY?
>> Tim: WELL, ERIC, I'M ACTUALLY
GONNA BE SEEING BEN HUR.
>> All: BEN HUR!
>> Eric: I LOVE BEN HUR.
I WOULD LOVE TO TAG ALONG.
>> Tim: SORRY, ERIC.
I'D LIKE TO SPEND A LITTLE BIT
OF ONE-ON-ONE TIME WITH OLD BEN.
>> Eric: OH.
NO.
>> All: AWW.
>> Eric: AW. TIM, PLEASE.
>> All: AH.
>> Eric: I WANT TO COME.
>> Tim: WELL, THE TRUTH OF THE
MATTER IS I'M ALSO GONNA BE
DOING SOME CHRIMBUS SHOPPING FOR
MY BEST FRIEND.
>> Eric: WHO, ME?
>> Tim: SHH!
>> Eric: WHO, ME?
>> Tim: SHH!
>> Eric: WHO, ME?
>> Tim: SHH!
>> Eric: OKAY, IN THAT CASE,
HAVE A GREAT TIME, TIM, SHOPPING
FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND.
[ CANNED LAUGHTER ]
>> Tim: ADIOS, MUCHACHO.
[ APPLAUSE ]
START THE THING.
[ SQUEAKING ]
AH, NOTHING BETTER THAN TAKING A
STROLL THROUGH THE BIG CITY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
AH, BEN HUR.
THERE YOU ARE. RIGHT ON TIME.
>> All: HI, BEN HUR.
>> Tim: HAPPY CHRIMBUS.
>> HAPPY CHRIMBUS TO --
>> Tim: STOP IT!
>> WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'VE BEEN
DOING?
>> Tim: WELL, I'M OUT HERE
TRYING TO DO SOME CHRIMBUS
SHOPPING FOR MY BEST FRIEND,
ERIC.
BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO
GET HIM.
[ CANNED LAUGHTER ]
>> HMM. WHY DON'T YOU GET HIM
SOME ***?
>> Tim: *** SOUND LIKE A
GREAT IDEA.
I COULD WEAR THOSE *** UNDER
MY MANLY UNDERWEAR AND NOBODY
WOULD KNOW.
>> OR YOU CAN GET HIM THE "TIM
AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT
JOB!" CHRIMBUS DVD.
>> Tim: HAVE A GOOD TIME PUTTING
THOSE *** ON.
PUTTING THEM OVER MY HEAD.
SORRY, BEN, I DIDN'T HEAR YOUR
LAST SUGGESTION.
YOU KNOW, THE *** WOULD BE A
GREAT IDEA FOR ME, BUT I DON'T
KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT FOR ERIC.
I'VE GOT TO FIND HIM THE
GREATEST CHRIMBUS PRESENT EVER.
SO I BETTER GET BACK TO MY
SHOPPING.
GREAT RUNNING INTO YOU, BEN.
>> All: BEN HUR!
>> Tim: COME ON, GO, MOVE THE
THING.
[ SQUEAKING ]
>> Announcer: WE'LL BE BACK WITH
MORE OF THE "TIM AND ERIC"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
>> HI. I'M THE ACTOR
TAIRY GREENE.
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
THE DVD THAT YOU'VE BEEN
WATCHING HAS JUST BEEN GIVEN THE
TAIRY GREENE SEAL OF APPROVAL.
[ OFF-KEY FANFARE ]
PREVIOUS RECIPIENTS OF THE
TAIRY GREENE SEAL OF APPROVAL
HAVE BEEN "C-MEN STUDIES: FORT
LAUDERDALE," STARRING
TAIRY GREENE...
[ SNIFFING ]
DEFINITELY ***, YEAH.
..."FEMININE P.O.V."...
YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR HORSE TO
SHOW YOU SOME RESPECT.
TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS ONE.
[ LAUGHS ]
..."HOSES," STARRING
TAIRY GREENE...
WHAT PART OF "DON'T TOUCH MY
HOUSE HOSE" DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND?
[ COMICAL TRUMPET ]
HERE TO ACCEPT THE SEAL OF
APPROVAL IS EXECUTIVE VICE
PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF
"TIM AND ERIC" SALES, DUN DORR.
>> I'M JUST HAPPY TO RECEIVE
THIS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
IT'S A GREAT HONOR.
I'D LIKE TO THANK MY FAMILY --
>> TRUMPETS!
[ OFF-KEY FANFARE ]
NO, DO IT AGAIN.
***!
WHEN I PUT THE WREATH ON
DUN DORR, YOU DO THE TRUMPETS!
I DON'T HAVE MY [BLEEP] TRUMPETS
ON CUE!
[ OFF-KEY FANFARE ]
[ OFF-KEY FANFARE ]
>> Announcer: WE NOW RETURN TO
"A CHRIMBUS CAROL," STARRING
CAROL AND MR. HENDERSON.
>> Tim: WE'RE ON THIS PANIL
PAXIL STUFF, AND THEY SAY DO NOT
DRINK RED WINE WITH IT, BUT WHAT
COULD A COUPLE GLASSES DO?
HEY, DID I TELL YOU WHAT CAROL
ALLOWED ME TO GET MYSELF FOR
CHRIMBUS THIS YEAR?
CAN I TELL THEM?
OH, BOY.
A NEW GUILLOTINE.
HMM?
[ CHUCKLES ]
SHE'S A BEAUT.
>> Eric: REALLY GREAT.
>> Tim: THIS IS MY SEVENTH, BUT
SHE'S THE BEST.
I'M CALLING HER NANCY.
HAVING FUN WITH IT.
LOOK AT THAT BAD BOY.
HMM? ISN'T THAT A BEAUT?
>> HMM.
>> Tim: AND...TO YOU.
I TELL YOU WHAT, SHE HAS CHANGED
MY LIFE.
I ADMIT -- AND, EMIL, I MIGHT
OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
I USED TO BE A REAL SON OF A
***.
IT'S TRUE.
I HAVE BECOME A DIFFERENT MAN.
I LOVE MYSELF.
I LOVE MY BODY.
I GOT A PRIORITY LIST THAT I
KEEP IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD.
MY WIFE, MY GUILLIES, AND MY
BEAUTIFUL BEAN GARDEN.
SO, I SAY WE RAISE A TOAST TO MY
WIFE, CAROL HENDERSON.
I LOVE HER TO BITS.
I WANT TO KISS HER ON THE LIPS.
HAPPY CHRIMBUS, GUYS.
THANKS FOR JOINING US.
OOH, HOT WINE.
>> Eric: [ BELCHES ]
>> Tim: ALL RIGHT.
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
TAKE IT EASY, OKAY?
BON APPETIT, HUH?
HONEY, YOU WANT HALF A SLICE
HERE?
[ Echoing ] HALF A SLICE?
>> Eric: NO.
LIKE THIS?
[ SNORTS ]
YOU LIKE THIS?
YOU LIKE ME NOW?
[ SNORTS ]
>> Tim: SHE HASN'T EATEN ALL
DAY, SO...
I THINK WE'RE ALL A LITTLE
HUNGRY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Eric: [ SNORTING ]
>> Tim: EMIL, YOU'RE PAYING FOR
THIS, RIGHT?
>> Eric: [ SNORTING ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU LIKE THIS?
[ SNORTING ]
>> Tim: NO WORRIES HERE.
>> Eric: [ SNORTING ]
YOU LIKE ME NOW?
[ GURGLING, SNORTING ]
YOU LIKE THIS?
[ SMACKING ]
YOU LIKE THAT?
>> Tim: ALL RIGHT. HON.
[ WHISTLES ]
SWEETHEART, COME ON.
THAT'S ENOUGH. COME BACK.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.
SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
MY APOLOGIES.
>> Eric: HEY, EVERYONE.
WHO'S IN THE MOOD FOR SOME
LAUGHS?
>> Tim: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LIKE THIS?
HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: AT-DAT-DAT-DAT!
>> Tim: HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: AT-DAT-DAT-DAT!
>> Tim: HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: WHO-O-O-O-O-A!
>> Tim: HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>> Tim: HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>> Tim: HEE! HOO! HOO!
>> Eric: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>> Tim: HEE!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Eric: NO, YOU DUMMY.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LAUGHS
FROM A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE PUT
YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE
CHRIMBUS COMEDY OF...
>> Both: JAMES QUALL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]
>> A MERRY CHRIMBUS!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS
JAMES QUALL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
CHRIMBUS IS THE SEASON OF
RECEIVING.
I HOPE I DON'T RECEIVE COAL IN
MY UNDERWEAR THIS YEAR.
AND, UM...
HOME PRICES...
[ AUDIENCE MURMURS ]
THE HOME SALES, ACTUALLY.
YEAH, HOME SALES HAVE HIT A NEW
LOW.
NOW, THIS IS JUST A WILD GUESS,
BUT...
>> Eric: WHAT KIND OF BAKED
BEANS DO YOU LIKE, JAMES?
>> OH, YES, YES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
UM...
YES.
WELL, UM...
BOSTON BAKED BEANS.
UH, A LOT OF THEM -- A LOT OF
THEM CAN BE FOUND FROZEN BEFORE
ANYBODY EVEN PUTS THEM IN A
FREEZER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND BOSTON BAKED BEANS, OF
COURSE.
>> Tim: HOW ABOUT YOUR CLASSIC
PIZZA JOKE?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN
GET FROM TIME TO TIME IS PIZZA,
WHICH WILL HELP KEEP THE PIZZA
PLACES IN BUSINESS, WHICH, UH...
[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]
AND LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THAT
OLD CHRIMBUS CAROL.
♪ THE CHRIMBUS BASH, THE
CHRIMBUS BASH ♪
♪ ALL LINE UP TO GET YOUR
STASH ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT. OKAY. OKAY.
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ SIGHS, GROWLS ]
>> [ SLURP ]
[ SQUISHING ]
>> [ GROWLS ]
[ GROWLING ]
>> [ ECHOING SIGH ]
HAPPY CHRIMBUS.
>> THANK YOU.
OH, IT'S PERFECT.
AND FOR MY FIRST WIFE, HAPPY
CHRIMBUS TO YOU.
>> [ SNIFFING ]
OH.
>> WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
>> NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M SO HUNGRY.
I WISH THERE WAS FOOD INSIDE THE
ANIMAL.
>> Announcer: TIRED OF THIS
HAPPENING TO YOU EVERY CHRIMBUS
MORNING?
THEN THIS CHRIMBUS, SHOW YOUR
LOVED ONE YOU REALLY CARE WITH
THE CINCO PASTA BEAR!
THE CINCO PASTA BEAR IS A
HAND-CRAFTED STUFFED TEDDY BEAR
FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH FRESH
ITALIAN-STYLE PASTA.
SIMPLY BOIL THE BEAR OVERNIGHT.
THE BOILING HELPS ENSURE THAT
ALL PARASITES AND VIRAL DISEASES
HAVE BEEN DESTROYED.
THEN DRY OUT YOUR CHRIMBUS BEAR
WITH A GERM-RESISTANT RAG.
NEXT, PLACE THE BEAR IN A
MICROWAVE OVEN FOR 45 MINUTES.
THE MICROWAVE HEATS THE PASTA
AND KILLS ANY REMAINING BACTERIA
OR GERMS.
>> AHH.
>> Announcer: THEN, USING A
HUNTING KNIFE, CUT OPEN THE BEAR
TO REVEAL THE PASTA.
USING YOUR EYES, DOUBLE-CHECK TO
MAKE SURE NO INSECTS OR INSECT
LARVAE SURVIVED BEFORE EATING.
[ ALARM BLARING ]
FINALLY, THROW AWAY THE BEAR TO
AVOID THE SPREAD OF DISEASE.
AND TA-DA! DINNER IS SERVED!
>> [ SLURPING ]
>> [ GROWLING ]
[ SIGHS ]
>> [ SIGHS ]
[ SLURPING ]
>> [ SNIFFING ]
[ SIGHS ]
>> Announcer: IT'S THE PERFECT
GIFT FOR CHRIMBUS.
ORDER YOURS TODAY?
THE CINCO LEGACY CONTINUES.
[ BELL TOLLS ]
>> THANKS, CINCO.
>> Announcer: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE OF THE
"TIM AND ERIC" CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
[ HEART MONITOR BEEPING ]
>> I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT
HAPPENS NEXT.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> OH, HECK, IT'S COMING TO ME.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
>> Announcer: WE NOW RETURN TO
THE "TIM AND ERIC" CHRIMBUS
SPECIAL.
>> Tim: HEY, ERIC.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> Eric: TIM, I'M WAITING IN
LINE TO SEE WINTERMAN.
NO DOI.
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT AN ***.
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
>> Tim: NO, THE JOKE CAN'T BE
PEOPLE LAUGHING AT ME, 'CAUSE
IT'LL SUCK.
>> Eric: TIM, IT'S OKAY.
I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO SEE
WINTERMAN AND TELL HIM WHAT I
WANT FOR CHRIMBUS THIS YEAR.
IN FACT, I'M GONNA SNEAK IN THE
FRONT OF THE LINE RIGHT NOW.
EXCUSE ME.
>> Tim: GOOD LUCK.
>> Eric: EMERGENCY!
WINTERMAN!
HELLO?
>> ♪ I WANT A GRAVY BOAT ♪
>> ♪ I WANT A PASTA BEAR ♪
>> ♪ I WANT MY OWN WEBSITE ♪
MOSTLY TO POST NUDE PICTURES OF
MY FAMILY.
SHARE THEM WITH MY CLOSE
FRIENDS.
>> Eric: ♪ I WANT A WET FRENCH
KISS ♪
[ PLOINK, PLOINK, PLOINK! ]
[ PLOINK, PLOINK, PLOINK! ]
WAIT A SECOND, WINTERMAN.
I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET MY
BEST FRIEND, TIM, FOR CHRIMBUS.
>> NONSENSE.
CHRIMBUS IS FOR RECEIVING.
WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
>> Eric: WELL, IT'S VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME.
I WANT TO IMPRESS HIM.
>> SO WHAT DOES HE LIKE?
>> Eric: HE LIKES HOME
ENTERTAINMENT AT A REASONABLE
VALUE.
HE LOVES THE CHRIMBUS HOLIDAY.
AND REALLY ENJOYS MUSICAL
SPECIALS.
>> HE SHOULD GET HIM THE
"TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW,
GREAT JOB!" CHRIMBUS SPECIAL
DVD.
>> HOW ABOUT A CAN OF FISH?
>> Eric: I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
THAT ONE.
HUNGH!
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>> UHHHHHHHHHH.
>> Eric: HUNGH!
HUNGH!
>> UHHHHHHHHHH.
>> All: HMMMMMMMM.
MM-MM-MMM?
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: WE NOW RETURN TO
"A CHRIMBUS CAROL."
>> Tim: [ HUMMING CHEERFULLY ]
THAT'S BETTER.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
WHO IS THAT, MY HONEY-PIE,
CAROL, THERE, COMING DOWN?
>> Eric: YEAH, IT'S ME,
MR. HENDERSON.
I'M LOOKING FOR A LIGHT BULB.
>> Tim: BOY, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL
"G" I GOT HERE.
>> Eric: YEAH, IT'S REALLY NICE.
>> Tim: I'M SENDING YOU KISSES.
[ SMOOCHING ]
BOY, YOUR FEATHER DUSTER IS
REALLY COMING IN HANDY, BY THE
WAY.
>> Eric: YOU KNOW, I CAN'T FIND
THESE LIGHT BULBS ANYWHERE.
>> Tim: TRY THE STORAGE BIN
THERE.
HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE AN EGG-SALAD SANDWICH, I'D
LOVE TO HAVE ONE OF MY OWN.
>> Eric: SURE.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
>> Tim: YOU KNOW, CAROL, I LOVE
THESE GUILLOTINES, BUT NOT AS
MUCH AS I LOVE YOU, MY DEAR.
[ Echoing ] I DO LOVE YOU.
OH, YEAH, IF YOUR HEAD GOT
CAUGHT IN ONE OF THESE, OH, BOY.
YOUR HEAD WOULD BE ROLLING DOWN
THE STREET.
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL "G."
OF COURSE...
I COULDN'T POKE A NICE BEAUTIFUL
PIECE OF WOOD LIKE THIS.
[ Normal voice ] BOY, I TELL YOU
WHAT, COULD YOU IMAGINE GETTING
YOUR HEAD CUT OFF IN ONE OF
THESE GUILLIES?
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
>> Eric: OH! OH!
[ SCREAMING ]
[ PLONK! ]
[ DIALING ]
>> Eric: HELLO, EMERGENCY?!
I THINK I KILLED MY HUSBAND!
I CHOPPED HIS HEAD OFF!
WAIT A SECOND, THE BLADE DIDN'T
GO ALL THE WAY THROUGH!
HE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE.
>> Tim: [ SPUTTERING ]
>> Eric: BUH.
I'M SO SORRY, MR. HENDERSON.
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU, SIR.
I JUST WISH YOU WOULD SHOW ME
SOME MORE DISRESPECT, TREAT ME
LIKE A PIG.
I MISS THAT.
I'M SORRY.
>> WELL, HAPPY CHRIMBUS,
MR. HENDERSON.
I WANT TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT
THAT BANDAGE.
>> Eric: LARRY?
YOU'RE DEAD.
I WAS AT YOUR FUNERAL.
I SAW YOU BURIED.
>> NO, I'M GARY.
I'M LARRY'S TWIN BROTHER.
I WORK AS A NURSE HERE IN THE
HOSPITAL.
>> Eric: OH, OKAY.
>> OH, YOU MUST BE CAROL.
>> Eric: YES, THAT'S ME.
>> SAY, ARE YOU AS NASTY A ***
AS LARRY USED TO TELL ME?
>> Eric: I DON'T KNOW.
>> WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP, LET
ME TAKE A LOOK.
[ SQUISHING ]
WHOA, VERY NICE.
LET ME SEE THAT.
WHOA, YOU ARE ONE BIG WEIRD
EGGPLANT.
YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
WHAT IS THAT SMELL?
IT'S LIKE A TRIP TO THE SEWER
PLANT.
[ GURGLING ]
WHOA.
IF THIS WERE ANY NASTIER, I
THINK I'D HAVE TO THROW UP ALL
OVER YOUR BACK.
>> Eric: I WOULD LIKE THAT.
>> YEAH, WOULD YOU?
I'D LIKE TO SEE A LITTLE LARRY'S
LUNCH IN YOUR HAIR.
[ LAUGHS ]
DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM.
HE'LL BE FINE.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE SOME BIG,
DUMB, FILTHY DOPE.
>> Eric: YES, SIR.
>> I WANT TO TAKE THE DIRTY
CARROT AND PUT IT UP YOUR HORSE
HOLE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING.
>> Eric: I'D LIKE THAT.
>> YEAH, YOU'D LIKE THAT A LOT,
WOULDN'T YOU?
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE
IT.
YEAH.
>> Eric: [ Warped ] I'D LIKE
THAT.
[ OWL HOOTING ]
[ BABY COOING ]
>> [ PANTING, GROWLING ]
[ BABY CRYING ]
>> [ WHINING ]
>> [ SCREAMING ]
[ Deep voice ] HAPPY CHRIMBUS.
[ OWL HOOTS ]
[ SILVERWARE CLINKING ]
>> I HEAR THE FOOD HERE IS
SUPPOSED TO BE WONDERFUL.
>> I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
>> I'M GLAD WE'RE FINALLY ABLE
TO HAVE THIS DOUBLE DATE.
>> KENT, YOU WERE REALLY RIGHT
ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL SUSAN IS.
>> YOU BETCHA, RUDY.
SUSAN, YOU HAVE THAT RAY OF
SUNSHINE TO YOU ON A BLIGHT --
BRIGHT BLUE SUNNY DAY.
>> THAT'S FOR SURE.
AND YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY GOOD,
TOO, KENT.
>> RUDY, YOU'RE LOOKING HANDSOME
YOURSELF.
[ SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> YOUR INCIDENT.
>> OH.
THERE WAS A SMALL INCIDENT AT MY
HOUSE EARLIER.
[ SCREAMING ]
BUT I RECOVERED FROM IT.
>> HE DID JUST GREAT NOW.
HE'S DOING FINE.
>> ME WANT SOME CHICKEN.
>> HERE COMES THE FOOD.
>> WHOA, RIGHT ON TIME.
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
>> ME SO HUNGRY.
>> BON APPETIT.
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
>> [ SCREAMING ]
[ CONTINUES SCREAMING ]
[ SLURPING ]
[ CONTINUES SCREAMING ]
>> WHAT'S THE MATTER, KENT?
>> THE FORK!
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!
YOU'RE GONNA POKE YOURSELF WITH
THAT THING!
>> WELL, HOW ELSE AM I GOING TO
EAT MY FOOD?
>> SIMPLE!
USE THE CINCO FOODTUBE.
IT'S EASY.
FIRST, YOUR TEETH ARE REMOVED TO
MAKE WAY FOR THE FORM-FITTING
TUBE.
YOU DON'T WANT YOUR PEARLY
WHITES GETTING IN THE WAY OF THE
TUBE.
>> HOLD ON A SECOND, KENT.
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL SET OF
CHOMPERS IN YOUR MOUTH.
WONDERFUL PEARLS.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
THESE ARE DENTURES.
[ POPPING ]
DIDN'T HURT A BIT WHEN THEY
PULLED MY TEETH OUT.
THEN THE TUBE IS FITTED INTO
YOUR MOUTH AND THROAT.
[ COUGHING ]
THEY HAVE TO CUT IT TO SIZE SO
THAT IT REACHES RIGHT INTO YOUR
STOMACH.
AH, RIGHT ON TIME.
NOW YOUR TABLE IS HOLED TO MAKE
WAY FOR THE TUBE AND THE
FOOD-PROCESSING CHAMBER.
MAKE SURE THE HOLES ARE ALL
LINED UP.
NOW THE FOOD IS PLACED IN THE
FOOD-PROCESSING CHAMBER, WHERE
IT IS MIXED IN THE SOFTENING
CREAM.
THE FOOD-PROCESSING CHAMBER HAS
A HIGH-SPEED BLENDER BUILT IN.
>> SOUNDS LIKE THE SOFTENING
CREAM HAS A PARTNER IN CRIME,
HUH?
>> YOU SAID IT, RUDY.
NEXT, YOU GOT TO NUMB THEM GUMS
WITH NOVOCAINE, OR YOU'RE GONNA
FEEL THAT HARSH TUBE AGAINST
YOUR GUMS.
NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SLINK
THAT FOODTUBE INTO YOUR MOUTH.
[ WHIRRING ]
[ BUZZING ]
SEE? I'M ALREADY FINISHED WITH
MY MEAL.
>> WOW, WHAT A GREAT TUBE.
IT SOUNDS LIKE THE PLAN FOR ME.
>> ME, ME, I'M A TUBE MAN.
>> I WANT TO BE A FOODTUBER,
TOO.
>> WELL, YOU CAN, WITH THE CINCO
FOODTUBE SYSTEM.
>> Announcer: AND NOW, A SONG
FOR DEE VEE FROM TIM AND ERIC.
>> Eric: ♪ OH, DEE VEE, I WISH
YOU WERE MY SON ♪
>> Tim: ♪ OH, DEE VEE, I WISH
YOU WERE MY SON ♪
>> Both: ♪ YOU HAIRY BOY, YOU
NEED A TRIM ♪
♪ I'LL GET YOU WET FOR CHRIMBUS
SWIM ♪
>> Tim: ♪ OH, DEE VEE, I LOVE
YOU MORE THAN HIM ♪
>> Both: ♪ OH, DEE VEE, I WISH
YOU WERE MY SON ♪
♪ OH, DEE VEE, I WISH YOU WERE
MY SON ♪
>> Both: ♪ HAAAA, AHHH, AHHH ♪
♪ HAAAA, AHHH, AHHH ♪
♪ HAAAA, AHHH, AHHH ♪
♪ HAAAA, AHHH, AHHH, AHHH,
AHHH ♪
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Eric: SO, TIM, YOU GOT TO
TELL ME -- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
GET ME FOR CHRIMBUS THIS YEAR?
>> Tim: I'LL NEVER TELL.
THE TRUTH IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA GET HIM FOR CHRIMBUS.
IT'S THE BIGGEST SECRET OF 'EM
ALL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET ME
FOR CHRIMBUS THIS YEAR?
>> Eric: TIM, I'M NEVER GONNA
TELL YOU, EITHER.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET MY
BEST FRIEND FOR CHRIMBUS.
>> Tim: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE
CAN DO.
WE CAN HAVE A TICKLE-OFF.
>> All: OHH.
DEE VEE HERE TICKLES EACH OF US,
AND THE FIRST PERSON TO LAUGH
HAS TO TELL THE OTHER PERSON
WHAT THEY GOT THEM FOR CHRIMBUS.
>> Eric: SOUNDS GOOD. IT'S ON.
>> LET THE TICKLING BEGIN!
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> ♪ YOU BETTER
TICK-TICK-TICKLE HIM GOOD ♪
♪ YOU BETTER TICK-TICK-TICKLE
HIM GOOD ♪
♪ TICKLE HIM, TICKLE HIM,
TICK-TICK-TICKLE HIM ♪
>> TICKLE HIM!
[ BEEPING ]
[ BUZZING ]
>> I TRIED MY BEST.
I GUESS IT'S A STALEMATE.
>> All: AWW.
>> Tim: THEN I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE
TO CALL ME SEÑOR TICKLE-PROOF.
>> All: HA.
>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Tim: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Announcer: AND NOW, A SPECIAL
CHRIMBUS SAFETY MESSAGE FROM
PIERRE.
>> CHRIMBUS IS NOT ALL ABOUT FUN
AND GAMES.
YOU GOT TO MAKE SURE YOU STAY
WARM.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET FROSTBITE.
I THINK I'LL TAKE A WALK THROUGH
THIS FOREST.
DAMN, IT'S COLD OUT HERE.
I KNOW, I'LL JUST PUT ON MY
GLOVES.
WHOOPS, I DIDN'T PACK MY [BLEEP]
GLOVES, KIDS!
THERE'S TWO THINGS I KNOW FOR
SURE RIGHT NOW.
THERE'S NO SQUIRRELS IN SIGHT,
AND I'M DEFINITELY GONNA GET
FROSTBITE.
[BLEEP]
HIT IT.
>> ♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
♪ JUST KEEP THOSE GLOVES ON ♪
♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
>> KIDS, I FEEL THAT BITE GOING
ALL THROUGH MY BLOOD.
>> ♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
>> DAMN, I WISH THERE WAS SOME
SQUIRRELS OUT HERE TO KEEP ME
COMPANY.
>> ♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
>> OH, NO, MY DING-*** IS
FROZE.
>> ♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
♪ JUST KEEP THOSE MITTENS ON ♪
♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
>> THIS IS THE WORST PAIN I'VE
EVER EXPERIENCED, CHILDREN.
I BETTER SIT DOWN, CONSERVE SOME
OF MY ENERGY AND MY WARMTH.
I PRAY TO GOD SOME SQUIRREL WILL
HELP ME, JUST BE MY FRIENDS.
WELL, MY HAND'S A GONER.
DO I STILL HAVE MY PRETTY FACE,
CHILDREN?
I BETTER CHOP MY HAND OFF.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE IT.
IT'S NOT A BAD CUT.
PROBABLY STOP THE BITE FROM
SPREADING.
WHOO, STINGS!
AHH, COLD MEAT, FRESH CUT.
LOOKS LIKE THE BITE'S GOT TO MY
LEG.
GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO CHOP
THAT OFF, TOO.
AHH. THAT'S BETTER.
WHERE ARE THE SQUIRRELS WHEN YOU
NEED 'EM?
HEY, GET BACK HERE WITH MY LEG!
[ LAUGHS ]
[ Voice deepens, slows ] NOW I
JUST GOT TO WAIT FOR HELP TO
COME.
>> ♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
♪ THE BITE WILL TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF ♪
♪ DON'T GET THE BITE ♪
♪ IT'S A BITE THAT'LL MAKE YOU
SORE ♪
[ Warping ] ♪ DON'T GET THE
BITE ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS ON ♪
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
>> Announcer: GREAT JOB!
AND NOW, THE FINALE OF
"A CHRIMBUS CAROL," STARRING
CAROL AND MR. HENDERSON.
>> [ WHISTLING ]
HEY, FILTH PIG.
>> Eric: GARY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
>> I'M JUST HERE PICKING UP SOME
OF LARRY'S THINGS.
>> Eric: YOU CAN'T BE HERE.
>> OH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
COME ON, YOU LITTLE GUTTER
SLIME.
YOU'RE LOOKING REALLY
DISGUSTING.
>> Eric: GARY, THIS IS NOT
RIGHT.
I'M MARRIED TO MR. HENDERSON.
>> AH, COME ON.
HE'S NOT EVEN GONNA BE HERE
TODAY.
HE CAN'T EVEN WALK.
WHEE! YEAH.
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE LIKE A BIG,
FAT CARNIVAL RIDE.
>> Eric: I APPRECIATE THAT.
>> WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
>> Eric: THAT'S ME, SIR.
>> GEEZ, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I WAS DRIVING
OVER HERE, FANTASIZING ABOUT
POISONING YOU.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> Tim: [ Distorted ] WELL,
WELL, WELL.
LOOK AT THE TWO LOVE BIRDS.
>> Eric: MR. HENDERSON.
>> Tim: YOU PIECE OF JUNK.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A NURSE,
AND ALL YOU'RE DOING IS
BIP-BOPPING WITH MY WIFE.
>> Eric: I'M SORRY, SIR.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I CAN EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING.
>> Tim: SHUT UP.
OH, I'M GONNA POKE YOU.
I'M GONNA POKE YOU WHERE YOU
DON'T WANT TO BE POKED.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST CALM DOWN.
>> Tim: I'M GONNA MAKE YOU
REGRET WAKING UP THIS MORNING,
YOU PIECE OF TRASH.
I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SWEAT, YOU
PIECE OF GARBAGE!
I'M GONNA MAKE YOU EAT YOUR OWN
[BLEEP]
DRINK YOUR OWN *** BLOOD!
DRINK YOUR OWN *** BLOOD!
[ SCREAMING ]
[ SCREAMING ]
YOU GO RIGHT TO HELL!
AND YOU.
YOU BIG ELEPHANT.
YEAH, I BET YOU LIKED HIS TINY
LITTLE WICK UP IN YOUR REAR.
MMM.
WHAT I OUGHT TO DO TO YOU FOR
CHRIMBUS IS OPEN YOU WIDE UP AND
LET MY WICK -- AND LET MY --
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
AND LET MY WICK DO THE TALKING!
CAP--
CA--
[ COUGHING ]
[ Normal voice ] CAPI-I-I-CHE?!
>> Eric: NOW, THAT'S WHAT I
WANTED FOR CHRIMBUS.
[ BELLS TOLLING CHEERFULLY ]
[ BELL TOLLS BRIGHTLY ]
>> ♪ WHAT AM I GONNA, WHAT AM I
GONNA, WHAT AM I GONNA GET? ♪
>> Tim: WELL, HEY, FOLKS, THANKS
VERY MUCH.
THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR US HERE AT
THE "TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL.
>> All: AWW.
>> Eric: HOLD ON A SECOND, TIM.
WHAT ABOUT MY CHRIMBUS GIFT
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL
SHOW?
>> Tim: OOH, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Eric: I WANT IT.
GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!
>> All: GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!
>> Eric: I WANT MY PRESENT.
>> Tim: ALL RIGHT.
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
SCOTT, COME ON.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE CUES.
LET'S GO.
>> Eric: SO EXCITING.
MY CHRIMBUS PRESENT.
>> Tim: HERE YOU GO, FRIEND.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
>> Eric: WOW.
TARTAR SAUCE.
>> All: MMM.
>> Eric: THANKS A LOT, TIM.
>> Tim: WELL, I KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE FISH.
>> Eric: ACTUALLY, I'M HIGHLY
ALLERGIC TO FISH.
SO THANKS A LOT FOR THIS.
IT'S USELESS.
>> Tim: WELL, YOU CAN PUT TARTAR
ON JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER KIND OF
MEAT YOU WANT, SO...
WELL, WHO CARES?
HOW ABOUT MY GIFT?
HAND IT OVER, PAL.
>> Eric: OKAY.
DON!
TAKE THIS [BLEEP]
TIM, I THOUGHT LONG AND ***
THIS CHRIMBUS PRESENT.
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
>> Tim: [ GIGGLING EXCITEDLY ]
OH.
SOME WET BATHING SUITS IN A
PAPER BAG.
>> All: MMM.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Eric: I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU
LOVE THE WATER, SO, YOU'RE
WELCOME.
>> Tim: I CAN'T SWIM.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T SWIM.
>> Eric: OH.
>> Tim: THANKS.
>> Eric: SORRY.
[ SPLORT! ]
>> All: AWW.
>> Tim: [ SIGHS ]
>> WHAT'S THE MATTER?
>> Tim: WELL, DEE VEE, I DON'T
REALLY LIKE WHAT ERIC GOT ME FOR
CHRIMBUS THIS YEAR.
>> Eric: AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT
TIM GOT ME FOR CHRIMBUS.
IN FACT, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO
GET MY BEST FRIEND FOR CHRIMBUS
THIS YEAR.
I MEAN, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,
BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN TO YOUR
HOUSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR HOBBIES
ARE.
>> Tim: WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT
OUR FRIENDSHIP?
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
I COULDN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT
YOU WANTED FOR CHRIMBUS.
>> BUT YOU DO KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS
WANT FOR CHRIMBUS.
>> Eric: WHA-A-A-A-T?!
>> Tim: WHA-A-A-A-T?!
>> Eric: WHA-A-A-A-T?!
>> Tim: WHA-A-A-A-T?!
>> Eric: WHA-A-A-A-T?!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> All: DEE VEE.
>> THE ANSWER IS DEEP IN YOUR
MIND.
WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO ACCESS
IT FOR YOU?
>> Both: YES!
>> GREAT.
WELL, THEN, GET OVER THERE.
>> Tim: SURE.
ANYTHING YOU SAY, DEE VEE.
HE'S GONNA READ OUR MINDS.
>> Eric: YEAH.
>> Tim: [ GROANS ]
>> Eric: OH!
>> Tim: AAH!
[ GROANING ]
OH, HELP!
>> Eric: AAH!
>> [ SCREAMS ]
>> Tim: I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO
GET YOU FOR CHRIMBUS!
>> Eric: AND I KNOW WHAT I WANT
TO GET YOU FOR CHRIMBUS!
>> AND SO IT SHALL BE!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> Eric: OH, AND HERE ARE THE
PRESENTS!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> Tim: OH!
>> Eric: OH!
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> Tim: IT'S THE "TIM AND ERIC
AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL DVD!
>> Eric: IT'S THE GREATEST
CHRIMBUS PRESENT EVER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DVD!
HEY, DEE VEE, ALL THE PEOPLE IN
THE AUDIENCE WOULD LOVE A
CHRIMBUS DVD.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP OUT?
>> SURE.
>> Tim: COME ON, EVERYBODY.
>> Eric: ENJOY YOUR DVD!
>> Tim: WHAT A GREAT VALUE, HUH?
>> Eric: IT'S A FREE [BLEEP]
DVD -- TAKE IT HOME!
>> [ COUGHING ]
>> Eric: YOU OKAY?
>> YEAH.
>> Tim: HEY, DEE VEE, WHAT ABOUT
THE WONDERFUL CAST WE HAD?
DON'T THEY DESERVE A CHRIMBUS
DVD?
>> I GUESS.
>> Eric: ALL RIGHT.
FREE DVDs FOR EVERYONE!
>> Tim: A HAPPY CHRIMBUS TO
ALL...
>> Eric: AND TO ALL A GOOD
NIGHT!
>> ♪ WINTERMAN IS COMING
AT YOU ♪
♪ THROUGH THE FOREST TO YOUR
HOUSE ♪
♪ IT'S CHRIMBUS TIME ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL TOGETHER ♪
♪ IT'S THE LIFETIME SEASON OF
THE YE-E-E-E-E-E-E-AR ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> AND TIM AND ERIC GOT EXACTLY
WHAT THEY WANTED.
>> BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO DEE VEE?
>> WELL, DEE VEE GREW UP TO BE
ME ME.
YOU SEE, DEE VEE LEARNED THAT
CHRIMBUS IS NOT WHAT PEOPLE
WANT.
IT'S ABOUT GIVING PEOPLE WHAT
THEY NEED.
LIKE THE "TIM AND ERIC AWESOME
SHOW" CHRIMBUS DVD.
>> SO IT WAS YOUR POWERS THAT
MADE YOU SICK.
>> YES. VERY SICK.
I ALMOST DIED.
>> I WANT YOU TO READ MY MIND
AND FIND OUT WHAT I WANT.
>> HE'S TOO WEAK.
HE'LL NEVER MAKE IT.
>> BUT I WANT IT!
READ MY MIND, YOU DOPE!
>> IT'S OKAY. I'LL TRY.
>> [ SCREAMING ]
[ CONTINUES SCREAMING ]
[ MONITOR FLATLINING ]
[ SCREAMING QUIETLY ]
MY VERY OWN COPY OF THE "TIM AND
ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB!"
CHRIMBUS SPECIAL!
MWAH, MWAH, MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
I GOT IT!
>> WELL, DOYLE.
DO YOU THINK IT WAS WORTH IT?
WAS IT WORTH KILLING A MAN?
>> I THINK IT WAS, DOC.
I THINK IT WAS.
>> IT'S MINE, IT'S MINE, IT'S
MINE, IT'S MINE, IT'S MINE!
IT'S MINE!
LOOK WHAT I GOT!
OPEN YOUR EYES!
IT IS MINE!!
I LOVE MY CHRIMBUS DVD!
[ SCREECHING ]
>> Announcer: DON'T WAIT.
ORDER THE "TIM AND ERIC AWESOME
SHOW, GREAT JOB!" CHRIMBUS
SPECIAL DVD TODAY.
>> Tim: REMEMBER, FRIENDS, YOU
GOT TO KEEP YOUR CHRIMBUS BUSH
TRIMMED.
>> Eric: AND WET.
WINTERMAN CAN TELL IF YOUR BUSH
GETS OUT OF HAND AND NOT TENDED
TO.
AND TRUST ME -- NO ONE LIKES A
MESSY BUSH.
>> Tim: OR A DRY CHRIMBUS BUSH.
>> Eric: ONE, TWO, THREE.
>> Both: HAPPY CHRIMBUS!
>> Tim: HAPPY CHRIMBUS!