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I cannot stop smiling.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Okay.
So yeah. I'm feeling... pretty good.
You can probably tell.
I still can't believe everything... It's just so... unexpected!
It's strange. Suddenly feeling like your life is headed in a different direction like you need to... reevaluate the whole thing.
It's kind of scary.
But it's nice.
Mr Rochester and I...
Ed and I?
Edward.
Sparkling vampire!... It's not good.
Wow. We'll have to think about that.
Eddie...
But it's been really great. I feel like he...
It's just... kind of a new thing for me.
It's... gonna take some getting used to.
I'm trying this new tea. Chocolate mint. It's actually really delicious.
It's new, but the lady at the store recommended it.
And for some reason, today I thought, "why not?"
I know: pretty crazy, right? Everyone lock your windows, Jane's getting wild!
Hum. Adele's latest lesson plan is modern poetry and recently we read a poem together
and I've kinda become obsessed with it.
It's called "Having a coke with you" and this part of it:
"And the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint."
"You suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them."
"I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world."
It's a really lovely poem I've probably read about 50 times in the past few days.
I'm getting married.
Me.
It's not something that I would have ever thought.
I mean I never even imagined it.
Well I mean, everyone imagines that sort of things, but it never seemed like a possibility.
At least, not until maybe years from now when I were some older, different person.
It's funny.
Imagining that sort of thing felt like imagining someone else's life, not my own.
Jane Eyre...
... getting married.
Jane... Rochester.
Am I crazy?
I mean this seems like something someone else would do.
Irrational people. Not me.
Marriage.
I'm 21!
I mean maybe back in the 19th century, but these days?
What am I doing?
I mean, what? I let a guy kidnap me one time and I agree to marry him. What am I, a Disney princess?
There's a reason those movies are animated. They're not real life.
I mean if this were a Disney movie, this tea would be magic and it would turn me into a puppy or an emo or... something.
This is all happening really fast.
And, I mean, I... Maybe, it's a mistake.
Why rush into it, I mean?
I don't know if I can deal with hoping for something, wanting it and then...
What if it doesn't work out?
"And what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them"
"When they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank"
"Or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully as the horse"
"It seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience"
"Which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it"
I'm scared.
And... Maybe I'm more scared of not taking that lib.
Maybe... you have to take a chance to really have something good happened.
And maybe, I'm ready for some more of them in my life.
Because if you never try chocolate mint, you'll never know what you're missing, right?
I'm going to get married.
To Edward... Rochester.
Why? Because I want to.
Because I can't stop smiling.
Because I want to feel something rather than think about what it would be like to feel something and,
yeah, maybe that's crazy!
But maybe it's also pretty brave too.
I love him.
And he loves me.
And I will not be cheated of that marvelous experience.
It will not go wasted on me.
Which is why...
Which is why I'm telling you about it.