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- Court is in session.
- Plaintiff Mr. Cohen is suing his current roommate
Mr. Huber for only showering once a week,
and using a self-prepared slurry of avocado, oatmeal,
and egg whites in place of commercial shampoo.
- Alright gentleman, why are you here before me today?
- My roommate Mr. Huber is on like this vegan all-natural
kick and as such he has foregone all basic hygiene,
like shampoo, soap, toothpaste,
he mells like garbage.
- I mean you're not supposed to shower, you know,
every day of the week,
so I have developed my own concoction that is all-natural,
with no chemicals.
- And your objection with it is what?
It smells bad, it's making you sick?
- He smells like the last day of Burning Man.
- Sir you come before the court, but what damages
are you looking for here?
- I'm looking for 650 dollars
in reimbursements for groceries.
- No more outbursts.
- How did you arrive at that figure?
- Yeah, good.
- I mostly just multiplied by two or three the amount
of groceries that I bought.
- So that's, the amount of avocados, pro rata?
- Amortize the arbitration--
- Amortize the arbitration,
the pro rata over the course of the--
- The FICA, sure, yeah, that makes sense.
- How am I supposed to know,
if we both buy avocados,
how am I supposed to know that I'm using his avocados?
I mean they're all in one basket.
- Yeah I have a couple questions about the avocados.
Hard, or soft?
- Soft, I get them whenever the ripe sticker is on them.
- Thick, or long?
- We're talking--
- Girthy, very girthy.
- Very girthy--
- Yeah, little seed, very girthy.
- Understood, tell me again what the other elements
of this were, the avocados and--
- So it's half an avocado.
- A tablespoon of coconut oil which I melt down.
I process some oatmeal, put that in there
and then I also use one egg.
And he only eats egg whites so I
- If it pleases the court, and it does,
I would like the defendant to please step forward and see
me in chambers.
- That's disgusting, it's gonna make the, you can return.
- That's what I deal with every day.
- Every day.
He smell's like leftover Denny's.
- I have brought Exhibit A.
- I got all the exhibit I'm willing to get, sir.
If you stank, you are not dank.
That's what they say.
I watched the People vs. OJ Simpson.
- Me too.
- It's amazing isn't it, dude!
- Right, it's good.
- Isn't it amazing?
- I'm kind of addicted to it.
- Oh my God, how crazy is John Travolta?
He's like doing a thing.
- His face kind of doesn't move, it's just like
- [Judge] Oh it's amazing.
- [Mr. Huber] Yeah, it's really good.
- How long has this conflict been brewing?
- I've been doing this vegan all-natural organic shampoo
for six months.
- If it bothers Mr. Cohen so much, why can't you
just use shampoo?
- I used a shampoo face wash body wash one time,
and it made me break out into hives, so I haven't
trusted it since.
- I'm just trying to get a picture of what the conflict is
really like, beyond the terrible smell.
So just that, if we can solve that then we can bring
prosperity and happiness.
- I never knew that he felt this way about me.
- I tell him every day.
- Mmhmm, mmhmm, mmhmm.
- Anything further that you would like the court to know
before I render a decision?
- That I don't use my product on animals,
so I mean, I'm doing good stuff here with--
- Do you have animals?
- At home?
- Like in his hair?
- I mean where?
- Sure I mean there's animals everywhere.
- But do you have animals anywhere?
- Well then, isn't it disingenuous sir,
to come before this court and claim
that you do not test on animals?
That you just admitted, you don't have anywhere.
- Thank you.
You know, the court is reminded of Joseph Stalin, who said
- Of course
- "You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs."
- Perchance you--
- Can't have good hair
- can't make a fragrant scent without breaking
somebody else's eggs.
- No you definitely can, you can use shampoo.
- I've heard enough the court will now render a verdict,
after a moment of deliberation.
The court (gavel banging)
hereby finds the favor of that guy.
- Thank you that's today's business.
Everyone dismissed, thank you.