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you should *** look that thing up...
it doesn't matter if you're an idiot, and you're stupid and you cant *** catch a ball
and everything in your life is retarded because you know
you'll always be welcomed with god
god loves the stupid and the ***..
Here's the thing with people who believe in god
they're idiots.
there's no dancing around. you are a borderline *** mentalist,you're an..
you're an idiot,you're like a 13 year old kid who still believes in santa
ah *** you
is uh... yeah
i dont hate people who believe in god, i dont hate them,right?
but i just dont wanna talk to them
i dont wanna be around them
it's like how i dont hate the mentally insane, right?
but the mentally insane and religious people are in the same *** bag.
if im standing in a bar chatting to either of them, eventually
ill walk away going..ok..
see..
do you know,uh,i live in america so i have to deal with this all *** day,ok.
85% percent of americans believe in god that's mental
here in Britain it's like 36%
in Australia its 27%
i think in Canada its like in the 60%
and..and in Russia
noone
do you want to know why? Cause its *** cold.
Noone believes in god So all the russians dont get to go to heaven
Cause they were born in the wrong country.
Born in the wrong country, you dont get to go to heaven
americans born in the right country,aaight?
You get to go to heaven. You were born in the right place.
Cause god's very particular about where you're born
half of you *** *** get to go to heaven, cause you're british
few australians get to go
then..the americans all get to go
most of the canadians get to *** go, and then there's those dumb *** in those musli countries
They dont even believe in the right god they're *** dead,they're not going.
And what about those dumb asian ***, with that fat *** buddha
they dont get to go to heaven cause they admire a god that doesnt exist
and there's the indians with the *** monkey-elephant going
what is wrong with them they must be retarded they're believing in the wrong god
not us though,we were born in the right country!
Their god selects countries
that's why they always say god bless america
because the world's billions of years old
and americans 250 years old, and thats when god decided to choose a team.
There is a web page
called 'ask god'
where children
can write questions
..to god
and then through the power of the internet
..god will answer them
on the duties
so the most asked question on 'ask god' is
where there cangaroos in the ark
so..children can ask any question in the world
but a childs mind works like this,they go
the ark story is a *** so shezam!
and the answer to that question is
although there's no mentioned of kangaroos in the bible
it does state it was 2 of each animal
so you can be assured
that there were kangaroos in the ark
now why there is no mention of cangaroos in the bible?
could it be
then where the bible was written
Australia hadnt been found
therefore
no mention on cangaroos
but didnt god
create kangaroos?
Isnt the bible written through the hand of man through voice of god
why wouldnt he mention the kangaroos
they're such an exciting animal
it seems to me
that they didnt seem to mention things in the bible within a five mile radius of
the guy writing it.
If i was god
at the end of the bible i would have lent in and gone
oi,tell them its round.
there's a..
didnt know the world was round
*** built it,didnt know it was round
I just like uh...
religious people writing started(mumbling)
the thing is
what i hate about christians is..
the start sentences like this..
'as a christian'
you cant start a sentence like that and explain to me that you're..
rest of your sentence has any more meaning..in the beggining in the sentence.
it means ***.That's a little ***,get out of the jail free *** *** you do
cause i cant get in court and start a sentece like this,
As an atheist..
..i didnt *** her..didnt *** her!
she was giving me a lift
now..
when i started the show
my first retain was about how lesbians were fat
ugly,useless with no sense of humor
and you couldn't applaude more
then i killed and arab man from a *** helicopter
just shot him dead
then i said that there is no chris..that christians are *** and there is god
and that's the moment when half of the audience chose to be offended.
was that the *** moment that got you?
how very christian of you to towards the muslims and the lesbians
next time
start sentences with
'well as a hypocrite'
ill tell you this last thing about you,you think you are a good person because you have christian values.
Do you wanna know what christian values are,christian values are a load of ***
what are christian values?The ten commandments?What are the ten commandments?
Very sensible rules to live your life proud.
you know whats a lot of *** about them?
The fact that you had to have them written down
the facts you couldn't figure out internally not to kill people
dont steal!
really!?
me
usage is no real easy to be internal in you
the bible is too to wordy all the stories are too wordy, the ten commendments are a load of ***
you don't need all these things
the bible should be one sheet of paper,and on that sheet of paper it should say..
try not to be a ***
and if you do that everyday
you're being good person