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[Fred:] So. Would you like to spend one day in jail,
or a road trip across the country in a bus?
[John:] That's a heavy-duty question.
[Willie:] Now I will say I do have fears of goin' to prison
but it ain't the kinda fears regular people have.
I just don't wanna poop in front of somebody else.
That's my fear of goin' to prison. [John:] You never poop in front of somebody?
Quite liberating. That's an intimate thing, to share with another person.
[Wille:] Yeah, I don't wanna share that.
(Arguing)
[Edilberto:] Yes hey what's going on guys, how's the coffee today?
[Fred:] Good. [John:] Happily mediocre!
[Edilberto:] What is your question for me?
[Fred:] Oh, ah, yeah. What would you prefer,
a road trip on a bus,
[John:] Across country!
[Fred:] or two days in jail?
[Edilberto:] I tell you what, I'd rather go on the bus because if you're getting ***,
you can still have the scenery, you know?
In prison, you're ***, and you're facing the wall of the shower
[Fred:] That's a good point. [Edilberto:] But on the bus,
you could be in front of Mt. Rushmore,
and say "Ooh! I'm getting *** but look at the Roosevelt."
[John:] That's the slogan! "Scenic ***. Come on!
Get on the bus!"
[Fred:] "Leave the rapin' to us!"
[Willie:] Once again, y'all concerned about ***. It's not about ***.
It's just bein' so wide out in the open, poopin' in front of other people.
I would rather be gently -
mind you, gently ***.
[Fred:] Okay - kindly ***. [Willie:] Right.
Than poopin' in front of a room full of strangers. I'm with ya.
[Cedric:] Now listen, listen y'all.
Now I was in jail, I was the kinda guy that could get things for you.
[Willie:] Like what? [John:] What, like ***?
(laughing)
[Fred:] You hear what he said! [Willie:] What he say? Did not hear you.
[John:] He said I could get you some I said what, ***?
(laughing)
[Cedric:] Friend, now he was a white guy
he was really quiet, Andy DuFresne, he was a good friend of mine.
[Cedric:] Now, the thing was- [John:] Hey, hold on!
You crazy mothaf****a Shawshanked!
He's gettin' reality mixed with the fake sh**
[Willie:] Wait a minute. [John:] goes on inside his head.
[Fred:] I heard of memory displacement.
[Cedric:] Now, if y'all were to get in prison,
and you were gonna get a conjugal visit,
who would you get?
[Willie:] I'm actually gonna have to take some time to think about this.
This is - I don't wanna rush this.
I wanna make this mean something.
[Cedric:] Well she gon' leave if you don't hurry up
and decide! [Willie:] Well you decide yours
and let me think about it! [Cedric:] Now you can only have one person!
[Willie:] You didn't answer the question, though.
Who your conjugal visit?
[Cedric:] Who, me? [Willie:] Yeah.
[Cedric:] Willie's mama. (laughing)
Hey Willie. Willie. Knock knock.
[Willie:] Who's there? [Cedric:] *Vvrrrrrrm*
[John:] *Vvrrrrrrm* who?
[Cedric:] That's yo conjugal visit. She left!
(laughing)
[Fred:] daRell. How you doin', daRell!
[daRell:] Helen Keller.
[Fred:] That might work out. [John:] F***.
Why you wanna f*** Helen Keller, daRell?
Somebody get him a capuccino or some ***.
Hey, Edilberto.
[Edilberto:] Please remember you have an alcoholic beverage?
[John:] I ain't got nothin'.
[Edilberto:] Because smells like yeast, it's very yeasty.
[Willie:] You know who else smell yeasty. [Edilberto:] Who?
[Willie:] My mama.
(laughing)