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"Hello, good afternoon. We've called you to announce that Pep Guardiola will not continue as Barça coach next season.
I want you to know the board understands his decision and we've accepted it with maturity."
"If you leave, I'll kill myself. I swear it!" "But what are you saying?
And what's more, it's a water gun."
"Well... I'll shoot water until drowning."
"I'm sorry, Sandro, but it's not you, it's me."
"Wait, wait! I offer you a blank check." "No."
"I'll really try to improve. I'll get fat to look like Laporta." "No, please." "Please! Pep! Pep!!"
"And before giving the floor to Pep, I wanna thank him.
Thanks, Pep, for everything you've given to Barça.
Thanks, Pep, for your football model.
Thanks, Pep...
Sorry. Thanks, Pep, because one day you lent me 10 euros.
Thanks, Pep, because you've taught me that a grey suit goes with brown moccasins, and a charcoal-grey suit goes with black moccasins.
Thanks, Pep... Sorry, I don't wanna forget anything.
Thanks, Pep..." "It's OK, Sandro. Thank you.
Well, it's very easy:
I have emptied...
And my balls have swollen.
The only reason is time. Time wears down very, very much.
Four years in Barça are like seven years in the life of a dog.
I feel I'm getting older very quickly.
If I stay a little longer, I'll look like Luis Aragonés. So at this point, I need to get over. Thank you all, thanks."
"Well, I'm gonna communicate the name of new Barcelona coach.
The nominees are: Marcelo Bielsa,
Pichi Alonso,
Tito Vilanova,
And Pep Guardiola."
"Me?" "Yes. And if you win, you'll have to accept."
"And the Barça goes to...
Tito Vilanova!
I congratulate Tito Vilanova, who hasn't been able to collect the award because he's making his firt important decision as coach."
"A tracksuit or a suit?"
A tracksuit, isn't it? Yes.
No, better a suit."
"How have you accepted the defeat?"
"It's a hard blow. My name's been mentioned in some papers, especially in my daughter's paper, but it was there. And it's been hard."
"I'm not considering the defeat. But before that, we should define what a defeat is.
According to military strategy, a defeat is the disorderly withdrawal, partial or complete, of army troops.
And at this point, I'm not an army, I'm a single person who's not thinking about the withdrawal because I'm still here.
I even haven't called a cab, and that's why...."
"Marcelo, people who speaks so slowly makes me very nervous."