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Guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy's|putting stuff in boxes.
I'd say our naked buddy is moving.
Ironically, most of the boxes|seem to be labeled "Clothes".
I'm going to miss that big|old squishy butt.
And we're done|with the chicken fried rice.
If he's moving, maybe I should|try to get his place!
It would be so cool|to live across from you guys.
We could do that telephone thing
where you have a can,|we have a can
and it's connected by a string.
Or we could do|the actual telephone thing.
The One Where|Everyone Finds Out
Oh, my God.
I love this apartment!
Isn't it perfect?
I can't believe I never realized|how great it is!
Because your eye goes|to the big naked man.
It's amazing!
Hurry up with an application,|or I'll beat you to it.
Well, I'm going to use|Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom.
Look! There's Monica and Chandler.
Hey, you guys!
Chandler and Monica!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my eyes!
My eyes!
It's okay!
- They're doing it!|- I know!
- I know!|- You know?
Yes, I know it.
Joey knows,|but Ross doesn't, so stop screaming!
What's going on?
- What?|- Nothing!
We are so excited|that you'll get this apartment!
Looks really good.
Looks pretty good!
Get in here!|Come on!
You mean whenever|Monica and Chandler
were doing laundry|or going grocery shopping?
The time Monica spent on the phone|with Linda from camp?
Doing it, doing it, phone, doing it.
I can't believe it!
I think it's great.
For him.
She could do better.
Hey, you guys.
Come here!
Phoebe found out|about Monica and Chandler.
You mean how they're friends|and nothing more?
Joey, she knows.
We saw them doing it|through the window.
Actually, we saw them doing it|up against the window.
So they know you know,|and they don't know Rachel knows?
Yes, but it doesn't matter|who knows what.
Now enough of us know|that we could just tell them we know.
All the lying and the secrets|will finally be over.
Or, we could not tell them we know,|and have a little fun.
What do you mean?
If they say they are doing laundry,|we'll give them laundry to do.
I would enjoy that.
You know what would be even more fun?|Telling them.
No, I want to do Phoebe's thing.
I can't take
You don't have to do anything.
|Just don't tell them we know.
I can't take anymore secrets.
I got your secrets, their secrets,|secrets of my own.
You don't have any secrets.
Well, you don't know about Hugsy,|my bedtime penguin pal.
How are we going to mess with them?
You could use your position|as the roommate.
And I would use the strongest tool|at my disposal.
My sexuality.
Hello, children.
Watch.
Learn.
|And don't eat my cookie.
That jacket looks great on you.
- Really?|- The material is so soft.
Hello, Mr.
Bicep.
You're working out?
I try to squeeze things.
Are you okay?
If you really want to know
I can't tell you this.
You can tell me anything.
Actually, you are the one person|I can't tell this to.
And the one person I want to the most.
What's going on?
I just haven't been|with a guy in so long
and sometimes you're|looking for something
and it's right there|in front of you, sipping coffee
Oh, no.
Have I said too much?
Just something to think about.
|I know I will.
You are so cute.
How did you get to be so cute?
My grandfather was Swedish.
And my grandmother was|a tiny little bunny.
Now you're even cuter.
You know, that is a popular|opinion today, I must say.
The weirdest thing happened|at the coffeehouse.
Phoebe was hitting on me.
What are you talking about?
I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.
It's not possible.
I'm sorry, Phoebe's just|always thought you were charming
in a sexless kind of way.
You know, I can't hear that enough.
I just think you misunderstood her.
I didn't, okay?|She was all over me.
She touched my bicep,|for crying out loud.
This bicep?
Well, it's not flexed right now.
Mon, you want to come|see a movie with us?
Actually, I was going|to do some laundry.
Want to do it with me?
Sure, I'll do it with you.
Okay, great.
|Hold on a second.
Here you go.
That would really help me out a lot.
|Thanks.
You know what?|I don't have enough quarters.
I have quarters!
Hey, any word on the apartment yet?
I called there, and it turns out|Naked Guy is subletting it.
He's already had 100 applicants.
No, I've got the edge.
It's not exactly ethical,|but I sent him a bribe
to tip the scales in my direction.
You can see it from the window.
Is it that pinball machine|with the big bow on it?
That new mountain bike?
What did you send?
A basket of mini muffins.
There's a whole table of them.
|Which one did you send?
The small one.
You actually thought that basket|was going to get you the apartment?
Someone sent us a basket at work, and|people went crazy over those muffins.
It was the best day.
Your work makes me sad.
Oh, man, I want that place so much!
And I was so sure|that was going to work.
There's 12 bucks|I'll never see again.
We'd better go if we want|to catch that movie.
Bye.
Bye, Chandler.
|I miss you already.
Did you see that? The inappropriate,|and the pinching?
Actually, I did.
So do you believe|that she's attracted to me?
Oh, my God!|She knows about us!
Are you serious?
She knows, and she's trying|to freak us out!
That's the only explanation!
But what about my pinchable butt|and my bulging biceps?
She knows!
Phoebe knows about us.
I didn't tell them!
Them?
Who's "them"?
Phoebe and Joey.
And Rachel.
I would have told you,|but I promised not to tell.
I'm sorry.
But it's over now, right?
You can tell them you know they know,|and I can go back to knowing nothing!
Unless
Not "unless"!|This must end now!
They think they are so slick|messing with us.
But they don't know|that we know that they know.
So
The messers become the messees!
Honey, you got to stop|torturing yourself.
Why don't you find another apartment?
I've already looked|at 1000 apartments this month.
None of them even compares|to that one.
You know what?
You should find out his hobbies|and use that to bond with him.
Like if I wanted something from Joey
I would strike up a conversation|about sandwiches
or my underwear.
I'm listening.
That is a great idea!
And I know Ugly Naked Guy because|we've been watching him for five years.
So that gives me back my edge!
Let's see now.
|He had the trampoline.
He broke that.
- He had gravity boots.
|- He broke those too.
So he likes to break stuff.
I've got to go pick up Ben.
|But I will figure something out.
Didn't he used to have a cat?
I wouldn't bring that up.
|It would bum him out.
Poor cat never saw|that big butt coming.
Hold on a second,|she's right here.
It's Chandler.
Hello, you.
Phoebe, I've been thinking|about you all day.
You know that thing you said before?|I was intrigued.
Really?
Joey won't be here tonight.
Why don't you come over?|I'll let you feel my bicep.
Or maybe more.
I'll have to get back to you on that.
He wants me to come over|and feel his bicep and more!
Are you kidding?
I cannot believe|he would do that to Mon
Joey? Do they know that we know?
They know you know.
I knew it!
I cannot believe those two!
They thought they could mess with us?|Trying to mess with us?
They don't know that we know|they know we know.
Joey, you can't say anything.
Couldn't if I wanted to.
Good evening, sir.
I'm Ross Geller.
|I'm one of the applicants.
I realize that the competition|is fierce but
I'm sorry, I can't help but notice|that you're naked.
I applaud you.
Man, I wish I was naked.
I mean, this looks so great.
That is how God intended it.
Look.
They're panicked!
They'll totally back down.
If he wants a date,|he's going to get a date.
I'm going to go in.
Be sexy.
Please.
I'd love to come by tonight.
Really?
Absolutely.
|Say, around seven?
I'm really looking forward to you|and me having *** intercourse.
Hey, check it out!
Naked Guy's got a naked friend.
Oh, my God!|That's our friend!
It's Naked Ross!
Showtime!
Rachel, get me perfume.
Joey, can you get me|a bottle of wine and glasses?
Make her think you want to have|sex with her and it will freak her out.
How far would I have to go with her?
She'll give in way before you do.
How do you know?
Because you're on my team.
|My team always wins.
At this?
Just go get some! Go!
Now, I'm going to try to listen|from right here.
Oh, wait.
Good idea.
Don't give away the farm.
Come on in.
I was going to.
I brought some wine.
|Would you like some?
Sure.
So here we are.
Nervous?
Me? No.
You?
I want this to happen.
So do I.
I'm going to put on some music.
Maybe I'll dance for you.
You look good.
Thanks.
You know, when you say|things like that, it makes me
want to rip that|sweater vest right off.
Why don't we move into the bedroom?
Really?
Do you not want to?
First I want to take off|all my clothes
and have you rub lotion on me.
That would be nice.
I'll go get the lotion.
It's way out of hand.
|She wants me to put lotion on her!
- She's bluffing!|- She's not backing down.
She went like this
He's not backing down.
|He went to get lotion.
Aren't you guys done yet?
I want to sit in my chair!
The sooner Phoebe breaks him, the sooner|it's over and out in the open.
I like that.
Show him your bra.
|He's afraid of bras.
Can't work them.
You didn't rip off any buttons.
It's not my first time.
Go back there and seduce her|till she cracks!
Give me a second.
- Did you clean up in here?|- Of course!
You're going?
Not without you, lover.
So, this is my bra.
It's very, very nice.
Well, come here.
I'm very happy we're going|to have all the sex.
You should be.
|I'm very bendy.
I'll kiss you now.
Not if I kiss you first.
I guess there's nothing|left for us to do but kiss.
Here it comes.
Our first kiss.
You win!
I can't have sex with you!
- And why not?|- I'm in love with Monica!
You're what?
Love her!
I love her!
I love her!
I love you, Monica.
I love you too, Chandler.
I thought you were doing it.
|I didn't know you were in love!
Dude!
Hats off to Phoebe.
|Quite a competitor.
May I say your ***|are still showing?
God.
All right!|So that's it?
It's over.
|Everybody knows!
Actually, Ross doesn't.
We'd appreciate it|if no one told him yet.
A new place for a new Ross.
I'll have you and the guys from work|over, once it's furnished.
It's nice to see you|back on your feet.
I am that, and the whole rage thing|is definitely behind me.
I wonder if it's time for you|to rejoin our museum team?
That would be great.
I am totally ready|to come back to work.
What are you doing?
Get off my sister!