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.....I had no idea the Dyson Ball Cleaner was a vacuum cleaner, which is why I had to be rushed to
casualty.
Interesting.
Hi, I am Hugh Jass, and I am joined by Mary Hinge,
the award-winning feminist author, who wants to talk about why men don't open up to women.
Hello, Mary, and welcome.
Hello, Hugh,
and thank you.
I'm guessing you have yet another thing to promote,
let's get it out the way.
Certainly.
It's bad news for men I'm afraid, as I have moved into the sex toy market,
and released my own vibrator, which will virtually make men redundant.
How so?
Unlike the many thousands of vibrators already in existence,
due to women being perverts, mine is unique because amazingly,
it has the ability to buy a round of drinks.
Oh dear, it looks like us men have outlived our usefulness.
Moving on, you want to discuss why men don't open up to women, please explain what you mean.
Gladly.
You'll often hear women complain that men don't talk about their feelings,
or show any interest in discussing things that are on their mind,
or open up more.
The reason they complain
is because it's an obvious difference between the sexes, and as women are extremely sexist,
they think this
difference is a fault in men,
and they should change to be more like women,
instead of just accepting that the genders are different.
Nagging women wanting men to change,
there's a shocker.
So why is it that men don't open up to women?
It's simply a mixture of nature, and life experience.
How so?
First let me explain nature's role in it.
Since existence,
men have been the hunters, while women have been the lazy buggers who got to sit on their *** in a
nice warm cave with the fire on,
a fire that the man started no doubt.
The role of hunter over thousands upon thousands of generations
has instilled something into men's genes that is not present in women's.
And what is that?
The ability to not talk about something.
What does that have to do with being a hunter?
Picture the scene,
a group of men are hunting, they spy an animal big enough to feed their entire family for
three days.
They crouch, they sneak slowly towards the animal, are you with me so far?
Yes,
in fact, I'm starting to get hungry.
Sorry. Anyway,
one of them gets his spear ready,
he takes aim, and knows that if he makes the shot,
his family will feast for days.
Then before he throws the spear, one of the men at the back says,
"Hey, did you hear about Og putting on weight?", "Ugg having an affair at work?",
or "Zog needing his roots done?".
Thanks to the loudmouthed rentboy,
the animal scarpers,
and the family starve to death.
This is why men have the ability to not talk about stuff,
unless they are rentboys of course.
That makes sense.
You said life experience is also a factor, how so?
Despite what us feminists tell you,
men are not stupid, but you didn't hear that from me.
They learn from other men's experiences,
especially family members, and they also learn from the actions of women,
whether they know them or not.
This results in men learning
that it's better to keep their mouth shut,
whenever they are around women.
What could they possibly learn from women they don't know?
Three words,
"Kiss and tell".
There is no argument against it, men are more dignified exes than women are, and kiss
and tell stories, of which there are literally hundreds, all by women,
are proof of this.
Because they happen so often,
men know they would have to be buttoned up the back
to tell women anything,
particularly embarrassing things they wouldn't want others to know.
True that,
my wife still doesn't know about my shameful obsession with farm animals.
Anyway, what do men learn from women they know?
If a man is stupid enough to tell a woman something personal
and embarrassing, for example,
say he had a fear of clowns.
The woman will pretend to care, and be all sweet, but as soon as cupcake goes in a bad mood,
because her favourite teen drama actor didn't take his shirt off,
meaning she wasted her time watching it, then she will throw it all in his face,
as soon as he annoys her, which he will do, simply by existing.
Man, I've been there.
She would laugh at him,
humiliate him,
call him a child,
and make him regret he ever opened his mouth, all to make herself feel better.
This is one of the main reasons men don't open up to women,
because the simple fact is,
women cannot be trusted to open up to.
True that.
Any other reasons why women cannot be trusted with private delicate matters?
God yes.
A big mistake that men make,
and learn from if they are smart, is not understanding that whenever they speak to one individual
woman, they are virtually speaking to all the other women she knows, and all the women she
will know in the future.
How so?
Inane gossip is a well-known trait of the female,
and thanks to today's technology,
a woman can spread rumours and gossip across the world in seconds,
if she manages to press the right keys in the correct order, when she bashes her empty head
against the keyboard, or mashes her ham-*** hands on her phone.
This means thousands of women can know what a man said to a woman,
before he's even finished saying it.
So true.
Why do women gossip so much?
To make it appear that they are interesting,
as they are devoid of a personality.
Nature may play a part in it as well.
How so?
Well, being nice and comfortable in the cave
while the man risks his neck to bring home the food, means they have a lot of time on their
hands,
so while they are twiddling their thumbs, they have to make noise to keep bears away from the
cave,
and nothing scares a bear more, than inane drivel,
which could be why women spout it so often,
as it's in their nature to do so.
Good point.
Will women ever understand why men don't open up?
I can make women understand simply by asking them one question.
Let's hear it.
If you were a man,
knowing everything you know about women, and what they are really like, would you ever
open up to a woman?
I doubt they would.
Well, Mary, we have to leave it there for now, thank you very much for telling us why men
don't open up to women, it's been one in the eye for agony aunts everywhere.
Any time, Hugh.
Before we go, I have a joke for you, Mary.
Here we go.
How do you know a feminist has been using your computer?
I don't know.
There is Tipp-ex on the screen.
Until next time, goodbye.