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[BLENDER WHIRRING]
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?
IT'S A FIBER SHAKE.
I'VE GOT AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW
WITH AN OLD PRINCETON CHUM OF DAD'S.
I NEED TO BE STRONG, I NEED TO BE ALERT,
AND I NEED TO BE REGULAR.
AIN'T NOTHING IN THE WORLD GOING TO MAKE YOU REGULAR, MAN.
AH, GEOFFREY. ARE MY SANDWICHES READY YET?
PHILIP! FOR GOD'S SAKES,
WE'RE GOING TO SEA WORLD.
THERE'S GOING TO BE FOOD STANDS EVERYWHERE.
BUT THERE AIN'T GOING TO BE
NO FOOD STAND IN THE VOLVO.
YOU BETTER LET THAT MAN EAT,
OR HE'LL CHEW ONE OF YOUR ARMS OFF IN THE CAR.
CARLTON, I HAD A TALK WITH FRANK BRADLEY FROM PRINCETON.
READY FOR YOUR BIG INTERVIEW TOMORROW?
AM I EVER.
I'VE BEEN ENHANCING MY RéSUMé ALL WEEK.
I APPLIED FOR A JOB AT THE DOLE HEADQUARTERS
AND AT THE REC CENTER TO BECOME A BIG BROTHER.
WHY YOU GO AND DO THAT?
YOU CERTAINLY AIN'T BIG,
AND AS FAR AS BEING A BROTHER, WHOO!
I'VE ALREADY PLANNED WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR--
MY ARGYLES, MY WIDE-WALE CORDS, AND MY LUCKY SWEATER.
MASTER CARLTON, ABOUT YOUR SWEATER,
WE'VE HAD A DRYER MISHAP.
[SHRIEKING]
DON'T WORRY, CARLTON.
IT'LL SHRINK.
I-IT'S JUST A SMALL SETBACK.
I STILL HAVE THE CANARY YELLOW ONE.
I FORGIVE YOU, GEOFFREY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
BANKS RESIDENCE.
OH, YES. CERTAINLY.
FOR YOU, MASTER CARLTON.
THANK YOU.
HELLO.
YES.
IT'S THE REC CENTER!
UH-HUH.
ALL RIGHT.
EH--WHAT?
I CAN'T BE A BIG BROTHER?
THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME?
WELL, YOU TELL THOSE LITTLE BRATS I DON'T LIKE THEM, EITHER!
♪ NOW, THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW ♪
♪ MY LIFE GOT FLIPPED ♪
♪ TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN ♪
♪ AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE ♪
♪ JUST SIT RIGHT THERE ♪
♪ I'LL TELL YOU HOW I BECAME THE PRINCE ♪
♪ OF A TOWN CALLED BEL-AIR ♪
♪ IN WEST PHILADELPHIA, BORN AND RAISED ♪
♪ ON THE PLAYGROUND IS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS ♪
♪ CHILLIN' OUT, MAXIN', RELAXIN' ALL COOL ♪
♪ AND ALL SHOOTIN' SOME B-BALL OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL ♪
♪ WHEN A COUPLE OF GUYS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD ♪
♪ STARTED MAKIN' TROUBLE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
♪ I GOT IN ONE LITTLE FIGHT ♪
♪ AND MY MOM GOT SCARED ♪
♪ AND SAID YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE ♪
♪ AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR ♪
♪ I WHISTLED FOR A CAB ♪
♪ AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR ♪
♪ THE LICENSE PLATE SAID FRESH ♪
♪ AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR ♪
♪ IF ANYTHING, I CAN SAY ♪
♪ THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE ♪
♪ BUT I THOUGHT, NAH, FORGET IT ♪
♪ YO, HOMES, TO BEL-AIR ♪
♪ I PULLED UP TO A HOUSE ABOUT 7 OR 8 ♪
♪ AND I YELLED TO THE CABBY ♪
♪ YO, HOMES, SMELL YOU LATER ♪
♪ I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM, I WAS FINALLY THERE ♪
♪ TO SIT ON MY THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL-AIR ♪
WILL, THIS SWEATER WILL WORK
FOR MY INTERVIEW TOMORROW, RIGHT?
ARE YOU GOING AS ARCHIE OR JUGHEAD?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
DOLE HEADQUARTERS?
NAH, MAN, WE DON'T WANT NO PINEAPPLES.
WOULD YOU-- GIVE ME THAT!
CARLTON BANKS HERE.
HUH?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T GET THE JOB?
BUDGET PROBLEMS?
BUT I WAS VOLUNTEERING!
HELLO?
HEY, CARLTON, IT'S COOL.
RELAX. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
HEY, LOOKEE HERE.
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC. HUH?
SPECIAL ISSUE-- "THE LADIES OF THE SUDAN."
KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HUH?
HOW MUCH MORE BAD LUCK CAN I HAVE?
FACE IT, WILL.
PRINCETON WILL NEVER ACCEPT ME.
I'VE GOT NOTHING TO OFFER.
HEY, HEY, CARLTON.
NOW YOU STOP THAT.
YOU GOT PLENTY TO OFFER, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU--YOU GOT THE--
SEE--SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
FROM BEFORE, YOU STILL GOT-- STILL GOT--
GIVE ME A HAND HERE.
CARLTON--CARLTON! HEY, HEY, LOOK!
I JUST SAW IT--AH!
YOU GOT YOUR GRADE CARD.
YEAH.
PRINCETON IS ABOUT ACADEMICS.
AND I AM SECOND TO NONE!
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!
MAMA, NO!
HEY, WHAT'S UP, G?
ANOTHER VILLAGE PEOPLE REUNION?
AS IT IS MY WEEKEND OFF,
I'VE DECIDED TO HEAD FOR THE CIRCLE-M DUDE RANCH.
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE FEEL OF AN ANIMAL BENEATH YOU
TO RECHARGE YOUR BATTERIES!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT THERE, G!
NO, I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T, MASTER WILLIAM.
BUT I DO FIND IT RATHER ENDEARING
WHEN YOU THINK YOU DO.
HAVE A NICE WEEKEND.
[MIMICKING GEOFFREY] UH, HAVE FUN AT THE DUDE RANCH.
OH, HEY, ASHLEY, WHAT'S UP?
THAT'S RIGHT. 8:00.
SURE. BRING WHOEVER YOU WANT.
MUSIC? THERE'S GOING TO BE WALL-TO-WALL MUSIC.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOUNG LADY?
MY PARENTS ARE AWAY, I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF.
I'M HAVING A PARTY. DUH!
WHAT? YOU--
THE WHOLE WORLD'S HAVING A PARTY.
HEY.
WHAT'S UP, C?
OH, DEAR MOTHER OF GOD.
THIS CAN'T CONTINUE.
WHAT'S WRONG, MAN?
WOULD YOU LOOK?
RED, YELLOW, BROWN, GREEN.
THAT'S THE WAY I UNDERSTOOD IT TO BE.
BUT NOW?
BLUE.
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?
THEY'RE JUST M&Ms, C.
[BLUES MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ WHOA N-DOH ♪
♪ WHE-EH OOH ♪
♪ DOH-OH ♪
♪ THE BLUES ♪
[TURNS OFF MUSIC]
THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!
COME ON, MAN!
NOW LET'S SEE THAT BIG CARLTON BANKS SMILE!
WILL, I WANT TO BE ALONE.
I TOLD UNCLE PHIL
I WAS GOING TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHOEVER IT IS, TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.
HA HA!
NOT SO FAST, MAN.
GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE.
NOTHING MAKES A BROTHER WHO'S FEELING DOWN FEEL BETTER
THAN SEEING SOMEBODY WHO'S IN WORSE SHAPE.
HUH?
I CALLED UP STINKY McGUIRE.
YEAH?
STINKY'S HERE?
I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
SEEING HIM WOULD CHEER ME UP.
HE WAS ALWAYS SUCH A LOSER!
HE WAS EVEN SHORTER THAN ME!
WELL, BRING HIM IN!
HEY, HEY, CARLTON!
[SHRIEKING]
[BLOWS HORN]
PARTY, DUDE!
COME ON, CARL!
WE GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN, MAN!
SOME STRIPPERS OR SOMETHING!
WE GOING TO HAVE A BALL!
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS!
OH.
YOU NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS, HUH?
WELL, LOOKEE HERE, TOO-SHORT.
IF YOU WANT TO SIT AROUND AND WALLOW
IN THE STENCH OF YOUR OWN SELF-PITY,
THEN YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD!
WILL, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OH, NO! I UNDERSTAND!
YA BIG BABY!
WAAH!
MY SWEATER SHRUNK!
MY GRADES ARE LOW!
MY HEAD IS TOO SMALL FOR MY BODY!
IT IS?
OH, SHUT UP, CARLTON!
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I AM NOT GOING TO SIT AROUND HERE
WITH YOUR STANK-ROBE-WEARING,
SLIPPER-SHUFFLING, RéSUMé-POLISHING,
LITTLE-KIDS DON'T-LIKE-ME BLUES.
NOW I'M ABOUT TO GO OUT
AND GET ME A 16-PIECE NUGGET DINNER!
AND WHEN I GET BACK,
I WANT TO SEE A NEW ATTITUDE, MISTER!
AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, CLEAN YOURSELF UP!
WHOA-HO HO! HEY!
YO, ASH, THE COPS' OUTSIDE.
WHAT?
I'M PLAYING.
WILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GETTING A LITTLE BARBECUE SAUCE.
DUDE GIVES YOU SAME AMOUNT WHETHER YOU GET 6 OR 16.
OOH! WHO IS THIS?
MY COUSIN WILL.
HI.
ROWR! WATCH IT, GIRL.
YOU CAN LOOK, BUT DON'T TOUCH, BABY.
GET YOUR SAUCE AND GET OUT.
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[RING]
HELLO.
HEY, UH, YES, SIR. HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
CARLTON!
CARLTON!
I'M SORRY. CAN I HAVE HIM CALL YOU RIGHT BACK?
OH. OH, YES. UH, YES, SIR. ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT.
CARLTON! DUDE FROM PRINCETON HAD AN EMERGENCY.
YOU HAVE TO DO THE INTERVIEW TONIGHT!
CARLTON!
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU AT?
[CARLTON] DEAR WILL, YOU WERE RIGHT.
I SHOULDN'T BE BURDENING THE FAMILY
WITH MY LOWDOWN, WHINY-MOUTHED, SNIVELING,
M&M-EATING, FEEL-SORRY-FOR-MYSELF BLUES.
P.S.
MY HEAD IS TOO SMALL FOR MY BODY.
[BLUES GUITAR SOLO PLAYS]
♪ NOBODY LOVES ME BUT MY MOTHER ♪
♪ AND SHE COULD BE JIVIN', TOO ♪
♪ NOW YOU KNOW WHY I ACT FUNNY WITH YOU, BABY ♪
♪ WHEN YOU DO ♪
♪ THE THINGS YOU DO ♪
I'M HOME.
ASHLEY, KYLE'S BEEN HERE HALF AN HOUR.
ARE YOU GOING TO MEET HIM OR NOT?
YEAH--NO!
WAIT.
I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT THIS PARTY WAS FOR.
IT IS. JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.
O.K. LIKE, 1-1,000.
KYLE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME HERE.
WHAT'S UP, KEESHA?
ASHLEY, THIS IS KYLE.
KYLE, THIS IS ASHLEY.
SHE'S BEEN DYING TO MEET YOU.
I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU, ASHLEY.
GREAT PARTY.
THIS IS NICE.
REALLY? YOU THINK SO?
WELL, UH, I HAVE PARTIES ALL THE TIME.
REALLY?
AND YOUR PARENTS DON'T MIND?
MIND?
THEY PRACTICALLY WRITE OUT THE GUEST LIST.
WOW. I WISH MY PARENTS WERE THAT COOL.
Ash!
Psst! Psst! Psst! Psst!
Ash!
I THINK THAT GUY'S CALLING YOU.
DON'T WORRY.
HE'S PART OF THE CLEANING CREW.
Ash!
[MIMICKING A MONKEY]
IT'S SO HARD TO FIND GOOD HELP. EXCUSE ME.
WHERE YOU--
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
ASHLEY, CARLTON RAN AWAY.
GREAT!
HEY, HEY, HEY!
I'M BEING SERIOUS.
WE GOT TO GET IN THE CAR AND FIND HIM.
NO, WILL. I'M HAVING A PARTY.
I'M CAREFREE, UNDERSTAND?
FREE OF CARES?
QUICK! HOW'S MY HAIR AND LIPS? DO I LOOK O.K.?
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, ASHLEY.
THANKS. NOW GET OUT!
ASHLEY!
HOW'S MY HAIR? HOW'S MY FACE?
HOW'S MY STUFF AND MY OTHER STUFF?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
UH, YEAH, YEAH.
THANKS A LOT. I'LL PICK HIM UP.
EDDIE, IT AIN'T GOING TO FILL ITSELF UP.
CARLTON... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WILL! HOW DID YOU FIND ME?
NEVER MIND! WE'RE GOING HOME!
HEY, CARLTON.
THE ALUMNI GUY FROM PRINCETON CALLED.
HE'S COMING TONIGHT.
I CAN'T DO IT, WILL.
I JUST CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER DISAPPOINTMENT.
THIS IS WHERE I BELONG.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, TINY.
IN HERE, WE'RE BROTHERS OF A TORTURED SOUL.
WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER.
TAKE SATCH, OVER THERE.
BETTER YET, TAKE PAPPY.
HE'S BEEN TELLING ME ABOUT RIDING THE RAILS.
YOU HEAR THAT, WILL? RIDING THE RAILS!
I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT,
BUT DARN IF HE DOESN'T MAKE IT SOUND EXCITING!
O.K. I WANT YOU TO GET INTO THE CAR, O.K.?
WILL, YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.
AND HOW COULD YOU?
YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING-- THE JOB, THE GIRLS,
AND, DAMN IT, YOU'VE GOT THE HEIGHT!
YOU DON'T KNOW THE BLUES. HOW COULD YOU?
OH. I DON'T KNOW THE BLUES, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
LIKE EVERYTHING'S BEEN PERFECT FOR ME.
LIKE GROWING UP IN THE PROJECTS.
♪ GROWIN' UP IN THE PROJECTS ♪
AND NEVER HAVING ANY MONEY.
♪ AIN'T NEVER HAD A DIME ♪
NEVER KNOWING WHETHER OR NOT
MY FATHER WAS EVEN GOING TO COME HOME!
♪ HE LEFT AND HE AIN'T COME BACK YET ♪
UM...
EXCUSE ME, PAPPY.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A ***?
♪
I'M NOT ABOUT TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU
ABOUT WHO HAS IT WORSE.
FACT IS, NEITHER ONE OF US HAS IT THAT BAD.
BUT THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE
TO GET INTO PRINCETON. IF YOU WANT TO BLOW THAT, GO RIGHT AHEAD.
HEY! NO ONE'S ALLOWED IN THE BEDROOM.
RELAX, ASH. WE'RE JUST TAKING A LITTLE TOUR.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I GOT TO GET UP TOMORROW AND GO TO PRACTICE,
BUT THE PARTY WAS GREAT. THANKS.
YOU HAD A GOOD TIME? GOOD.
A REAL GOOD TIME.
COOL.
OH!
MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN?
YEAH. WE SHOULD HOOK UP.
WAIT! UM, I DON'T HAVE YOUR NUMBER.
YEAH!
HERE.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET YOU SOME SCHOOL SUPPLIES.
BYE, ASHLEY.
BYE.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, NO! NOT IN THIS HOUSE!
OUT! GET OUT!
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
I'M JUST HAVING A SMOKE.
NOT HERE, YOU'RE NOT.
IDIOT!
COULD SOMEBODY TURN DOWN THE MUSIC?
CARLTON, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR WILLINGNESS
TO CHANGE YOUR SCHEDULE.
WELL, CHANGING IS ONE OF MY STRONG SUITS, MR. BRADLEY.
AND AS YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER AND I
WERE CLASSMATES AT PRINCETON.
HE WAS QUITE THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS.
EVEN BIGGER NOW.
WELL, AREN'T WE ALL.
WELL, I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH YOUR APPLICATION.
PARTICULARLY COGENT
WAS YOUR ESSAY ON THE FALL OF EASTERN EUROPE.
IF YOU LIKE EASTERN EUROPE IN THE FALL,
YOU SHOULD SEE IT IN THE SPRING.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
OH, YOU!
HA HA HEE HEE!
HA HA HA!
OH, YOU'VE GOT A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.
OBVIOUSLY, YOU GOT THAT FROM YOUR DAD.
YOU KNOW MY DAD?
DIDN'T I JUST MENTION THAT A MOMENT AGO?
D-OOH! OH, YES!
OF COURSE! OF COURSE!
"BIG MAN ON CAMPUS."
I SEE HERE THAT YOU'VE WORKED FOR A LOT OF CHARITIES.
WHICH ONE MEANT THE MOST TO YOU?
UM...THE SECOND ONE.
BUT THIS HAS ALL BEEN ABOUT ME, MR. BRADLEY.
IS THERE A MRS. BRADLEY? ANY BABY BRADLEYS?
HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN BRAVEHEART?
LOOK, FRIEND, WE CAN TALK ABOUT CANDY ALL DAY,
BUT YOU AIN'T GOING TO CONVINCE ME
THAT BLUE'S A BAD WAY TO GO.
AND BY THE WAY,
I HEAR THAT WHISTLE BLOWING.
I'VE GOT A TRAIN TO CATCH.
WELL, LET'S GO.
HEY, HOLD ON THERE, SPARKY.
BEFORE YOU CATCH ANY TRAIN,
TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM.
O.K.
BUT THIS WON'T BE PRETTY.
I MUST SAY I WAS RIVETED
BY YOUR THESIS ON REGRESSIVE TAXATION.
HOW DID YOU ARRIVE AT SUCH A SCINTILLATING HYPOTHESIS?
BUT...I GUESS THE SIGNS WERE ALWAYS THERE.
OH, SURE, THESE CHISELED GOOD LOOKS AND STRIKING PERSONALITY
OPENED THE DOORS OF OPPORTUNITY QUICKLY,
BUT...LATELY, THEY'VE BEEN CLOSING EVEN QUICKER.
AW, HECK. WHO AM I KIDDING?
LOOK AT ME. I'M NOT PRINCETON MATERIAL.
LIKE THE SONG SAYS, PAPPY,
YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM.
IT'S MY TIME TO FOLD.
SOUNDS LIKE TO ME YOU'RE GIVING UP.
YOU'RE A SMART MAN, PAPPY.
LISTEN, CARLTON.
IT'S ONE THING TO THROW IN A HAND,
BUT IT'S ANOTHER THING
TO GET UP FROM THE TABLE AND QUIT THE GAME.
YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE...
THAT SUPERMAN COULD BEAT THE FLASH IN A FOOT RACE?
OH! MR. BRADLEY!
I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL HERE.
CARLTON BANKS.
WHAT?
THAT'S POPPYCOCK! I'M CARLTON BANKS!
NO, WILL. YOUR CHARADE IS NOT NECESSARY.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,
MR. BRADLEY AND I NEED TO TALK.
A LOT OF THESE LEGACIES I INTERVIEW,
THEY'VE GOT THE GRADES, THE RéSUMé,
BUT THEY'RE SHELTERED,
LIKE, UH, THAT MILQUETOAST COUSIN OF YOURS.
BUT YOU...
REALLY IMPRESSED ME TONIGHT.
I'D BE HAPPY TO SIGN A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR YOU.
THANK YOU.
BYE-BYE.
WILL, THANKS FOR COVERING FOR ME TONIGHT.
I'M JUST GLAD YOU CAME BACK.
I WAS STARTING TO GET TOO COMFORTABLE IN THIS STUFF.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]
UH...UH... CARLTON, HOLD ON.
MOM AND DAD LEAVE FOR THE NIGHT,
AND YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE LIKE THIS?
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISTER?
IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME, YOU'D HAVE THIS FAMILY
ON THE WAY TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET!
AND ANOTHER THING...
HE'S BACK.
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
[CHUCKLING]
I'M HOME!