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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M GREG GUTFELD OR AS I AM
KNOWN BY THE ARIZONA PARK
SERVICES, THE PHOENIX
FLASHER.
NOW TO ANDY LEVY.
WHAT IS COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S
SHOW?
>> ARE YOU NOT DOING IT RIGHT,
AMERICA.
A WOMEN'S GROUP CALLS
FORTHWITH WILLED HOING OF SEX
FOR ONE WEEK AS A PROTEST FOR
REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS.
THE SHOCKING STORY THAT DOES
NOT AFFECT ME IN ONE BIT.
AND IS THAT WOMAN READING A
STEAMY EROTICA NOVEL?
PROBABLY NOT, BUT DON'T RUIN
IT FOR ME.
AND MY WILL CAY IAN BLACK
JOINS US TO TALK ABOUT ALL OF
THIS AND HIS NEW BOOK.
>> THANK YOU, ANDY.
>> HAPPY EYES OF MARCH, GREG.
>> THANK YOU.
I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T SAY BEWARE
THE EYES OF MARCH.
>> WHY WOULD I SAY THAT?
>> IT WOULD BE A JOKE.
>> IT IS NOT LIKE THERE IS A
CONSPIRACY TO PUT AN END TO
YOUR TIME AS "RED EYE" HOST.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW.
>> GREG?
AFTER THE SHOW CAN YOU MEET ME
AND BILL OUT BACK.
WE HAVE A PETITION WE WANT YOU
TO LOOK AT.
>> SURE, I GUESS.
ANDY, NEXT TIME WE DO THIS,
YOU MAY WANT TO LET THE
DIRECTOR KNOW BEFOREHAND.
>> I LET THE CONTROL ROOM
KNOW.
>> THEY WENT TO KATIE DURING
THIS BIT.
>> I KNOW.
BUT I CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT FOR
THAT.
>> WE ARE NOT STARTING OVER.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
ALL RIGHT, ARE WE BACK ON?
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUESTS OF
THE THE -- OUR GUESTS.
COME ON! HOW CAN YOU DO
THAT?
HOW DO YOU STOP A SHOW?
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> JUST BECAUSE OF A STUPID
MISTAKE.
HERE WE GO.
KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS CUTER THAN A THOUSAND
LADY BUGS FEASTING ON THE
CORMS CORMS -- CORPSE OF A
SNUGGLE BEAR.
AND HE IS SO SHARP HE BELCHES
LAWN DARTS.
AND DRUGS SPEAK AT CAMPUSES
ABOUT THE DANGERS OF BILL
SCHULZ.
IT IS MY REPULSIVE SIDEKICK,
BILL SCHULZ.
AND IF WIT WERE REHAB, TIME
SIZEMORE WOULD ENTER HIM.
ACTOR, WRITER, COMEDIAN.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK.
HIS LATEST BOOK, "WONDERFUL"
CAME OUT AND IT IS CALLED" YOU
ARE NOT DOING IT RIGHT" AND
THE WORLD'S CHEAPEST PUPPET.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, PINCH.
>> THEY RECORDED A WHITE HOUSE
MEETING BETWEEN BRITISH PRIAL
MINISTER DAVID CAMERON.
HERE IS A TASTE.
OBAMA, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME TO
MEET WITH US OF THE CAMERON,
BACK AT YOU WITH A WICKED
GOOGLY GOVERNOR.
APOLOGIES OF MAKING SUCH A
BLOODY MESS OF THE OVAL
OFFICE.
I JUST GOT BACK FROM MY
CHIMNEY SWEEPING.
AND BETWEEN POUNDING POTS OF
ALE AND EATING FISH AND
CHIPS.
I AM UTTERLY NOC CE RED.
TO YOU AND YOURS, BLOKE.
>> WELL DONE.
ALL RIGHT.
SO THEY BE ALLOWED TO SLAY, A
SYMBOL OF THE USA?
AN AMERICAN INDIAN TRIBE HAD
PERMISSION TO KILL TWO BALD
EAGLES FOR RELIGIOUS PURPOSES,
I KNOW.
THE FISH AND WILDLIFE ISSUED
IT AFTER THE ARAPAHOE -- THAT
MAKES ME A RACIST?
FINALLY EVERYBODY KNOWS.
THEY FILED A FEDERAL LAWSUIT
SAYING REFUSAL TO DO SO
VIOLATES THEIR RELIGIOUS FREE
M DO.
IT IS A FIGHT THAT STARTED
WHEN A TRIBAL MEMBER KILLED A
BALD EAGLE FOR USE IN HIS
TRIBE'S ANNUAL SUNDANCE.
AMERICAN INDIANS CAN ALREADY
APPLY FOR EAGLE FEATHERS AND
CARCASSES FROM A FEDERAL
DEPOSITORY.
THAT MUST BE A FUN PLACE TO,
WOULD.
APPARENTLY THE BIRDS ARE
ROTTEN OR UNFIT FOR THEIR
CEREMONIES.
SAYS A MEMBER OF THE NORTHERN
ARAPAHOE BUSINESS COUNCIL,
"THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE.
HOW WOULD THEY FEEL IF THEY
HAVE TO GET THEIR BIBLE FROM A
DEPOSITORY.
NOW LET'S GO TO OUR ELEVATOR
CAT, EC?
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL
ABOUT THAT.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE.
WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER.
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME OUT
ON THE PRONUNCIATION OF THE
INDIAN TRIBE.
>> ARAPAHO?
>> YES.
FEW GUEST S WHO DO THAT.
>> I AM PART OF ARAPAHO
MYSELF.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> WELL, IT IS NOT TRUE.
>> WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED YOU
WOULD LIE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE
THAT.
KILLING THEM IS LIKE SHREDDING
OUR CONSTITUTION.
>> WELL, UNDER THE FIRST
AMENDMENT WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO
SHRED OUR CONSTITUTION IF WE
SO DESIRE.
YOU CAN SHRED THE CONSTITUTION
AND YOU CAN KILL A BALD EAGLE
AS LONG AS THEY ARE NOT
ENDANGERED, AND THEY ARE NOT
ENDANGERED.
>> THEY ARE NOT ENDANGERED
ANYMORE.
>> WELL, THAT IMPLIES
ANYMORE.
>> I AM TORN ON THIS.
IT DOES PRESIDENT -- IT
DOESN'T MATTER THIS
INTERNATIONAL BIRD.
IF THEY WANT TO KILL
CHIMPANZEES, LIKE I WILL BE
UPSET ABOUT IT.
IF IT IS PART OF THEIR
RELIGIOUS HERITAGE, I CAN'T
OBJECT.
IT SEEMS TO ME THE PEOPLE WHO
ARE STAUNCH DEFENDERS OF
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM AND PEOPLE
CLAIM THRG IS AN ATTACK ON
RELIGIOUS FREEDOM SHOULD BE
BEHIND THIS.
YES, THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO
IT.
>> THAT'S AN INTERESTING
POINT.
IT IS ALMOST LIKE -- WELL, IS
IT A SLIPPERY SLOPE THAT IF
YOU BELIEVE IF THE
CONTRACEPTION THING YOU SHOULD
BELIEVE IN DEFENDING THIS AS
WELL?
OR IF YOU ARE DEFENDING THE
OPT OUT YOU SHOULD ALSO DEFEND
EATING EAGLES OR KILLING
EAGLES.
>> IF THEY EVER MAKE CHICKEN
THE STATE BIRD THERE WILL BE A
LOT OF CON FLICKS AROUND
HERE.
AMERICANS WILL PUT UP WITH
ANYTHING IN THE STATE OF
RELIGION.
SHE SHOULD HAVE GONE OUT TO
THE BLACK HILLS AND STARTED
TRIBE AND SAID MY RELIGION
DICTATES THAT I BELIEVE THAT
ALL-AMERICANS SHOULD BE
SUPPLIED CONTRACEPTIVES BY
BALD EAGLES THAT HAVE TO LAND
ON THE BACK OF CATHOLICS AND
HAVE CONDOMS ATTACHED TO THEIR
RAZOR SHARP TALONS.
>> THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLE THE
DRUG SITUATION.
IF I INCLUDE PER CASSETTE IN
MY RELIGION I DON'T HAVE TO
LIE.
>> THEY CAN USE PAY YOW TEE
AND IT IS PART OF THEIR
RELIGIOUS TRADITION.
>> ARE YOU NOT LYING.
>> NO AT THIS POINT I AM NOT
LYING.
>> IT IS GREAT TO HAVE YOU
HERE.
ANY OUTRAGED NATIVE AMERICANS
WE CAN SAY YOU ARE OUR
EXPERT.
>> YES.
>> IF A BALD EAGLE DIES OFF
SHOULD WE REVERT TO THE
ORIGINAL SYMBOL OF AMERICA
WHICH IS I THINK THE BEAGLE,
BUT I'M NOT SURE.
>> THE BEAGLE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> I DON'T THINK THE BEAGLE
WAS THE ORIGINAL AMERICAN
SYMBOL.
WE SHOULD KEEP THE EAGLE, BUT
THESE NATIVE AMERICANS CAN
SAVE THEMSELVES TIME AND
ENERGY IF THEY GO TO A MASSIVE
WIND FARM.
THEY KILL THOUSANDS OF EAGLES
EVERY YEAR.
THEY CAN SIT THERE AND IT CAN
RAIN DOWN AND THEY CAN COLLECT
THEIR EAGLE FEATHERS.
>> THEY ARE KIND OF DICED
THOUGH, REPORT THEY?
>> A LITTLE BIT.
BUT IT IS AN EASIER WAY TO GET
AT THEM FOR SURE.
>> I AM IMPRESSED HOW YOU ARE
ABLE TO WEAVE A CRITICISM OF
ALTERNATIVE ENERGY INTO A
STORY ABOUT BALD EAGLE
MASACRES.
>> THEY KILL OUR NATIONAL BIRD
JUST LIKE THEY ARE KILLING OUR
NATIONAL ENERGY, GREG.
>> BILL SCHULZ, YOU ARE OUR
COUNTRY'S NATIONAL HUH MAF RAW
DIET.
WHAT IF THEY WANTED TO KILL
YOU?
WOULD YOU WANT US TO DEFEND
YOU?
>> WHAT IF I WAS DELICIOUS OF
THE BEN FRANKLIN WANTED TURKEY
TO BE THE NATIONAL BIRD.
THAT IS DELICH.
I WANT TO HAVE EAT THE EAGLE
AND LET US KNOW IF IT IS A
CULINARY DELIGHT.
AND SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT
TELLING US THAT HE IS AN
ARAPOHO.
BEING NATIVE AMERICAN IS
AWESOME.
I WANT TO SHOW THE PRIDE FOR
THE RED MAN WITH THE SUNBURN.
YOU CAN KILL EAGLES AND TAKE
PAOTI AND HAVE CASINOS AND
SELL SUPER CHEAP SMOKES.
I AM GOING TO CONVERT OF THE
CALL ME DANCES WITH BEARS.
I FROM NOW ON AM A ARAPAHO.
>> YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CALLED
YOU KNOW HOW POPULOUS THEY
WOULD BE IF THEY WERE
DELICIOUS AND WE WERE EATING
THEM MORE AND THEN YOU HAVE
THE McEAGLE.
WHAT BETTER SYMBOL OF AMERICA
COULD THERE BE THAN AN EAGLE
WITH FRIES.
>> YOU KNOW THE BALD EAGLE HAS
NO IDEA IT IS BALD.
>> IT IS NOT BALD.
IT HAS WHITE FEATHERS.
>> BUT IT ALSO HAS NO IDEA IT
IS A NATIONAL BIRD, RIGHT?
>> WHAT GOOD IS IT BEING A
BALD EAGLE.
HAVE YOU SEEN THEM FLY?
>> THEY ARE CONFIDENT.
>> THEY LIRKS YOU WANT TO --
THEY ARE LIKE, YOU WANT TO
TAKE A SHOT AT ME?
>> EAGLES CAN'T SPEAK THE
QUEEN'S ENGLISH AND THAT IS A
FACT.
>>> FROM BIRD FIGHTS TO
WOMEN'S RIGHTS, THEY ARE
STIRRING THE DEBATE BY MAKING
MEN WAIT.
A WOMAN'S GROUP, IS THERE ANY
OTHER KIND?
THEY ARE CALLING FOR LASSES
ACROSS THE LAND TO WITHHOLD
SEX FROM THEIR MATES FOR ONE
WEEK BECAUSE AS THEY NOTE,
QUOTE, IF OUR REPRODUCTIVE
CHOICES ARE DENIED, SO ARE
YOURS.
LIBERAL LADIES WHO LUNCH,
THAT'S THEIR NAME, PUT
TOGETHER THEY VENT CALLED
ACCESS DENIED SEX STRIKE.
THAT SOUNDS COOL OF THE
FOUNDER DESCRIBED THE
MOTIVATION THUSLY -- AMERICAN
MEN ENJOY THE BENEFITS OF
WOMEN MAKING THEIR OWN CHOICES
ABOUT WHEN TO GET PREGNANT.
IF WOMEN CAN'T GET RELIABLE
BIRTH CONTROL THEY WILL JUST
HAVE TO KEEP THEIR LEGS
CROSSED TO PREVENT PREGNANCY.
EVEN MARRIED WOMEN.
I DON'T THINK ANYON WANTS
THAT.
HOW WILL MEN PASS THE TIME
DURING THE SEX STRIPE?
I -- SEX STRIKE?
I BELIEVE WE HAVE TAPE.
>> WHO NEEDS SEX WHEN YOU ARE
DOING THAT?
YOU ARE THE WOMAN HERE.
>> YES.
>> THIS MOVEMENT OR WHATEVER
YOU WANT TO CALL IT ASSUMES
MEN NEED SEX MORE THAN WOMEN
DO.
ISN'T THAT IN ITSELF SEXIST?
>> I WOULD SAY THAT IS SEXIST,
YES.
I THINK THE CAMPAIGNS SHOULD
BE NAMED LIBERAL WOMEN GO ON
STRIKE AGAINST THE NONEXISTENT
BAN.
IN THE PROCESS MAKING IT SEEM
LIKE WOMEN ARE ONLY GOOD FOR
SEX.
IF YOU LOOK AT THE PHOTO IT
SAYS ACCESS DENIED.
SO BOYS I GUESS IS OPEN UNTIL
APRIL 28th.
GET YOUR BODES IN NOW.
IT IS OPEN FOR A COUPLE DAYS
AND THEN APPARENTLY AFTER THAT
THERE IS ACCESS OPEN ALL THE
TIME FOR THESE WOMEN.
>> ARE THEY MAKING A VALID
POINT?
>> NO, LIBERAL LADIES WHO
LUNCH, THE PEOPLE WHO GET HURT
ARE GENTLEMEN IN DEEP, LOVING,
CARING, LONG-TERM
RELATIONSHIPS WITH LIBERAL
LADIES WHO LUNCH.
I HAVE A FEELING THOSE GUYS
ARE NOT GETTING A LOT OF
ACTION ANYWAY, GREG.
I THINK CONSERVATIVES NEED TO
STEP UP AND FILL THE GAP AND
HAVE HIGH LEVELS OF WILD
MONKEY SEX SO WE DON'T DEVELOP
A *** GAP WITH PLACES LIKE
JAPAN.
>> WE HEARD OF THE *** GAP.
>> CALL ME A LIBERAL HIPPIE
***, BUT I AM AGAINST HAVING
SEX WITH MONKEYS.
I WILL PUT THAT OUT THERE.
>> YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED
NEAR THE BROOKLYN ZOO FOR
QUITE SOME TIME.
>> UP UNTIL NOW, I DIDN'T
REALIZE THERE WAS A NEW
ARAPAHO THAT I COULD HAVE SEX
WITH ONE.
>> MR. BLACK, ISN'T THIS WHOLE
THING BASED ON AN URBAN
LEGEND?
YOU ALWAYS HEAR LIKE TO STOP
WAR THEY WOULD WITHHOLD SEX.
THERE WAS A MOVIE ABOUT
SMOKING.
IT WAS WITH *** VAN ***.
>> I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVIE.
>> IT WAS AN URBAN LEGEND
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T REALLY
WORK, RIGHT?
>> AS A MATTER MAN TO A
LIBERAL I DON'T HAVE SEX.
IT IS ONE OR THE OTHER.
I DON'T KNOW.
2* WOULDN'T WORK FOR ME.
BUT I AGREE.
IT IS STUPID.
>> ARE WE REALLY COMPARING
SOMEBODY BEING UPSET THEIR
CONTRACEPTION IS BEING PAID
FOR TO ENDING A WAR WHERE
PEOPLE ARE GETTING
SLAUGHTERED?
>> ENDING THE WAR ON WOMEN.
>> THERE IS NO WAR ON WOMEN.
>> THERE WILL BE AFTER THIS
SHOW.
>> I WANT TO KNOW HOW THE
HUSBANDS OF THESE LADIES KNOW
WHAT IT IS ABOUT.
WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX THIS
WEEK.
WE ARE OFF FOR A WEEK.
IS IT TIBET THIS WEEK?
IS IT THE PAPER OR PLASTIC
THING?
>> DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND
***?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE A
WEEK OFF.
>> YOU LEARN SO MUCH HERE.
AND TO THINK THIS IS A
CHILDREN'S SHOW.
>> IT IS ON AT 9:00 IN THE
MORNING.
>> IT IS RUN BY CHILDREN AS WE
SAW IN THE BEGINNING.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
THAT WAS A DIG AT OUR
PRODUCER.
>> NO, NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.
>>> FROM POLITICAL
[STANCESāINSTANCES] TO LAP
DANCES.
STANCES TO LAP DANCES.
DOES MONEY HAVE A TANK AND
DAUGHTER NOT A SAINT?
CHARITY IS NOT A NAME OF ONE
OF THE DANCERS.
A STRIP CLUB OWNER CALIFORNIA
DONATED $1200 TO A FINANCIALLY
STRAPPED LITTLE LEAGUE.
THE YOUTH ORGANIZATION WAS ON
THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE AND
ACCEPTED THE GIFT AT FIRST.
I LOVE THE STOCK FOOTAGE
HERE.
NOBODY IS EVEN LOOKING AT ME.
>> WASN'T THAT THE FOOTAGE
FROM A YEAR AGO WHEN I WAS ON
THE SHOW?
AS NEWS OF THE SOURCE OF THE
MONEY SPREAD THEY CHANGED
THEIR MINDS AND RIRND THE
MONEY.
THE STRIP CLUB OWNER, QUOTE,
HAS A GREAT HEART, BUT AS A
NONPROFIT LITTLE LEAGUE I
WOULDN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING
TO UPSET MY PARENTS.
THE SAGA INSPIRED A MUSICAL
THEATER PRODUCTION BY THE
PIANO PLAYERS.
TAKE IT AWAY.
>> GOD KNOW WHAT'S THE
TRAINING WAS LIKE TO GET THEM
TO DO THAT.
THAT'S WHY I HATE PERFORMING
PETS.
YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT
THEY HAVE GONE THROUGH.
IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY
STOMACH.
>> IT IS JUST A BEATING.
>> IS THIS MAN AN AMERICAN