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- COMING UP, ON "BRIDEZILLAS..."
- GO-- GET OUT OF MY FACE!
- DEKEYDRA'S THE DEMANDING ZILLA...
- GO TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF, AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
- ...WHO WON'T TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER.
- YEAH, I AIN'T PAYING FOR NOTHIN', STUPID ***.
- WHEN THIS ZILLA ISN'T BUSY BLEEDING HER STEPMOTHER DRY...
- WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE ME TO PAY ANYTHING?
- ...SHE'S HEARTLESSLY KICKING BRIDESMAIDS TO THE CURB.
- BYE-BYE, ANGELINA!
GO WITH YOUR DRESS, SINCE YOU WANNA BE A CRYBABY.
- NO! - AND FOR THIS BRIDEZILLA,
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS REMORSE.
- OH, MY GOD!
DID I JUST DO THAT?
[indistinct yelling]
- PLUS-- - IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
- HIGH MAINTENANCE AMANDA... - PIN IT IN!
I DON'T LIKE THE DRESSING.
DO I LOOK FAT? - ...PITS FRIEND AGAINST FRIEND.
- YOU MIGHT WANNA BRING YOUR COMBAT GEAR.
I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A FULL-BLOWN CATFIGHT
AT MY CEREMONY.
- BUT, IN THE END...
[gasps]
THIS ZILLA'S QUEST FOR PERFECTION...
[gasps] - WOW!
- ARE YOU SERIOUS-- OW-- OW!
- ...IS ABOUT TO GO UP IN FLAMES.
- UM, MOM, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
EVERYBODY BACK UP!
OH-- OH-- OH!
OH, DEAR GOD!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
A WEDDING IS A TIME WHEN A BRIDE'S CLOSEST FRIENDS
RALLY AROUND HER, WITH THEIR LOVE AND GOOD WISHES,
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE A BRIDEZILLA.
[indistinct yelling]
SO, HOW DID WE GO FROM BESTIES TO A BRIDAL BEATDOWN?
WELL, TO BE FAIR, IT WASN'T MUCH OF A LEAP.
- SHUT UP.
- MEET THE PROFESSIONALLY SNARLY BRIDEZILLA, DEKEYDRA.
- I'M LOUD.
I'M RUDE-- I'M MEAN.
I'M DEMANDING-- I'M CONTROLLING.
I'M OUT OF CONTROL.
I'M JUST LIKE A FORCE.
SO, I'M TELLING YOU-- PEOPLE BETTER WATCH OUT.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE SEATING CHART.
- EVERYBODY SHOULD JUST WALK THROUGH THE DOOR
AND SIT WHERE THEY WANNA SIT.
- BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH- BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.
- EVERYBODY'S GONNA HAVE A SEAT, YOU KNOW?
- ENTER QUARRY, UH, FIANCE, DEREK.
- I LIKE TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE, YOU KNOW?
AND DEKEYDRA, SHE LIKES TO BROADCAST EVERYTHING
AND LET EVERYTHING BE KNOWN.
I'M A QUIET PERSON.
SHE'S A LOUD PERSON.
- WELL, A LOT OF YOUR FAMILY DIDN'T RSVP,
SO I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE 'EM OFF.
I DOUBT IT.
- FOR DEKEYDRA, IT WAS LOVE AND DELUSION AT FIRST SIGHT.
- WHEN I FIRST MET DEREK,
I GOT BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH.
NEVER FELT IT BEFORE.
NEVER-- I KNEW I HAD BOYFRIENDS BEFORE,
BUT WHEN I SAW DEREK, HE WASN'T MY BOYFRIEND.
I FELT LIKE HE WAS, ALREADY.
- BUT, FOR DEREK, HIS INITIAL FEELINGS WERE MORE--
SHALL WE SAY, "MIXED?"
- SHE LIKED ME, BUT I WASN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN HER.
YOU KNOW, SHE DIDN'T STOP.
SHE DIDN'T STOP CHASING ME.
SO, I DECIDED TO GO AHEAD AND GIVE IT A TRY.
- NOTHING SAYS TRUE LOVE LIKE A STALKER WEARING DOWN HER PREY.
- YOU CAN LEAVE.
NO, I'M SERIOUS-- YOU CAN LEAVE. - OKAY.
- BYE.
- GIVE ME A KISS. - BYE.
- GIVE ME A KISS. - BYE-- NO, I'M SO SERIOUS.
BYE.
- LOVE YOU, BABE.
- SHUT UP.
- WHAT KINDA CAKE YOU PICKED OUT-- CHOCOLATE?
I'M HOPIN' YOU DIDN'T GET RED VELVET.
- MY GOODNESS!
ALREADY GETTIN' ON MY NERVES.
- TODAY, MOM AND DEKEYDRA ARE MEETING SEVERAL MEMBERS
OF THE BRIDAL PARTY, ALONG WITH DEKEYDRA'S STEPMOM,
TO FINALIZE THE WEDDING CAKE.
- THIS IS RED VELVET, STRAWBERRY, AND VANILLA.
- I'M READY TO DO SOME CAKE TESTING.
IT'S GETTING TOO CLOSE TO THE WEDDING NOT TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE CAKE.
- WHY DON'T WE GIVE YOU A MINUTE TO GO AHEAD
AND TRY THE FLAVORS?
AND THEN, WE CAN OVER, AS FAR CONFIRMING YOUR ORDER.
- OKAY.
- YOU LIKE THAT RED VELVET?
- I DON'T KNOW, IF YOU'LL LET ME TRY IT.
I MEAN, ARE YOU IN A RUSH? - NO.
- BUT, BEFORE DEKEYDRA CAN GET HER GRUB ON,
IN COMES THE MAID OF HONOR, WITH DEKEYDRA'S STEPMOM, WHO,
LIKE IT OR NOT, IS BANKROLLING THIS ENTIRE AFFAIR.
- OH, NICE OF YOU GUYS TO JOIN US.
- OKAY. - NEXT TIME, BE ON TIME.
YEAH, MY STEPMOM RAISED ME-- I'M THEIR CHILD.
AND THEN, UNTIL I GET MARRIED,
THEY'RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF ME. - NOW, WHO'S SHE TALKING TO?
- WHEN MY STEPMOM IS AROUND, ALL I WANNA SEE,
IS JUST MONEY-MONEY-MONEY.
- BUT, WITH THE PURSE STRINGS COMES FEW PRIVILEGES.
- NO, WE'RE NOT HAVING BANANA NUT.
- YES, WE ARE.
- UNFORTUNATELY FOR DEKEYDRA, WHEN IT COMES TO CAKE,
HER STEPMOTHER IS A LITTLE BANANA NUTS.
- MY STEPMOM HAS THE BIGGEST OBSESSION WITH BANANA NUT,
BUT I'M NOT HAVING NO BANANA NUT AT MY WEDDING,
SO I CUT IT SHORT.
BANANA NUT IS NOT GOING IN THE CAKE.
- BANANA NUT IS GOING IN THE CAKE.
- BANANA NUT IS NOT GOING IN THE CAKE-- IT'S MY WEDDING.
- I MEAN, IT'S YOUR WEDDING-- THEN, YOU--
- I DON'T CARE-- WHO CARES? - EXACTLY, IT'S MY WEDDING.
- WHO CARES?
SHE'S JUST, "PAY FOR THIS, PAY FOR THAT, PAY FOR THIS,
"AND I'M JUST TIRED.
WHAT IS SHE GONNA PAY-- WHEN AM I GONNA GET MY MONEY BACK?
- DO I HAVE A BALANCE, OR DID I PAY IT IN FULL?
- NO, YOU HAVE A BALANCE OF $220.
- IF SOMEONE CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT TODAY?
- DON'T EVERYBODY VOLUNTEER AT ONCE.
- COME ON-- I NEED HELP WITH THE WEDDING.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND-- I NEED HELP.
- I'M JUST OVER THE TOP WITH HER.
I'M TIRED OF SPENDING MY MONEY.
- IF I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS CAKE,
BANANA NUT'S GOING IN THERE SOMEWHERE.
- SHE IS GONNA PAY FOR THE CAKE.
- NO.
- AND WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE BANANA NUT.
- NO.
- YOU CAN JUST-- - YES, WE ARE.
- ACTUALLY, YOU CAN JUST GIVE HER ANOTHER BANANA NUT CUPCAKE,
SO SHE CAN TAKE IT WITH HER HOME.
MY STEPMOM GIVES ME GRIEF UP UNTIL THE TIME
THAT SHE BUSTS OUT HER WALLET-- I'M THE BRIDE.
IT'S MY DAY-- IT'S MY WEDDING.
THEY SHOULD ALL PAY FOR ME.
- IF YOU DON'T BE QUIET, THERE'S GONNA BE PROBLEMS,
AND I'M NOT PLAYING WIT' YOU NO MORE.
- OKAY, LET'S PAY FOR THE CAKE, NOW.
HUH-- THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
PAID IN FULL. - WE'LL SEE YA ON SATURDAY.
- HAVE A NICE DAY. - YOU, TOO.
- I AND HER DAD ARE TIRED OF FOOTIN' THIS BILL.
I WILL KILL HER-- I WILL KILL HER.
I WILL KILL HER.
- AND NOT ONLY DOES LINDA GET STUCK HOLDING THE BILL,
SHE ALSO GETS STUCK HOLDING THE CAKE SAMPLES,
BUT NOT FOR LONG.
- I DON'T WANT IT!
NO! - TAKE THIS.
- I'M NOT TAKING IT-- NO!
- TAKE-- IF YOU DON'T TAKE THIS, I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN THE WATER.
- NO! - TAKE IT.
- YOU GUYS BETTER WATCH OUT.
YOU GUYS KNEW THAT WAS BACK THERE.
- ALL RIGHT. - I CANNOT WAIT 'TIL SATURDAY.
WHEN SHE GETS MARRIED, SHE BETTER STAY MARRIED,
WITH ALL THIS EXCESS MONEY THAT WE'VE HAD TO SPEND.
IF SHE GETS A DIVORCE TOMORROW,
I WILL KILL HER MYSELF.
- BUT, YOU PAID FOR THE WEDDING CAKE!
SO, SHOO-SHOO.
SHOO-SHOO.
BYE!
BYE!
IF I NEED YOU, I'LL CALL YOU.
♪
- I NEED TO MAKE A TO-DO LIST,
'CAUSE I'M FEELING VERY FRAZZLED.
OH, OKAY, WAIT-- SCRATCH THAT.
COME HERE-- I NEED YOUR HELP. - NOW, LET'S CHECK BACK IN
WITH OUR VOW-RENEWING DUO, BRIDEZILLA AMANDA
AND HER DUTIFUL, TWO-TIME GROOM, DEREK.
- SERIOUSLY, OKAY, WE DON'T HAVE TIME.
CAN YOU PLEASE COME HERE?
WITHIN 13 MONTHS OF MEETING, WE GOT ENGAGED.
WE WERE PLANNING OUR WEDDING.
WE GOT PREGNANT.
WE GOT MARRIED, AND WE HAD OUR SON.
PEOPLE TOLD US WE WOULD NEVER SURVIVE.
WELL, GUESS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
WE'RE SIX YEARS IN,
AND WE'RE CELEBRATING OUR FIFTH ANNIVERSARY.
SO, MMM.
- GOOD LUCK MAKING IT TO YEAR SEVEN.
BUT, THEN AGAIN, DEREK MAY WANNA STICK AROUND
TO SEE A LITTLE RETURN ON HIS INITIAL INVESTMENT.
WHEN WE MET, I WAS WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A BARFLY.
OH!
I NEED SOME MORE CHAMPAGNE.
A GIRL CAN WALK IN A BAR WITH 20 BUCKS IN YOUR POCKET,
AND YOU'RE GONNA WALK OUT WITH 15,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE WASTED.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME WHITE TRASH.
THAT MAKES ME SMART.
- COME HERE-- COME HERE-- COME HERE.
- WHAT? - JUST COME HERE FOR A SECOND.
JUST STOP TALKING.
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT SHE WAS DOING FOR THAT $30?
[glass breaking]
- SHUT UP?
- SURE.
- YOU PROMISE? - I PROMISE.
♪
- I'M JUST SAYIN', TABATHA.
I HAVE SOME FRESH WINE OVER HERE, WAITIN' FOR YOU.
- OH. - SO, GO AHEAD AND BRING IT IN,
AND YOU CAN PUT IT RIGHT HERE. - I'M READY FOR THE WINE.
THAT'S FOR SURE. - PUT IT RIGHT HERE.
- TODAY, AMANDA IS PUTTING BRIDESMAID TABATHA
THROUGH THE PACES TO PROVE HER WORTHINESS
TO WIN THE TITLE OF MAID OF HONOR,
WHICH APPARENTLY INVOLVES AN IMPROMPTU DEMONSTRATION
OF TABLE SETTING SKILLS.
- GET IT OUT.
UNWRAP IT.
- AND LET'S HOPE TABATHA IS BETTER AT NAPKIN FOLDING
THAN SHE WAS AT TARGET PRACTICE.
- TABATHA AND I, WE WENT TO THE GUN RANGE.
YOU WANNA HAVE A LITTLE BET? - WHAT IS THE WAGER?
- IF I WIN, YOU HAVE TO SET UP ALL THE TABLES.
- OKAY, AND IF I WIN?
- YOU CAN STILL SET UP ALL THE TABLES.
SHE LOST THE BET.
SO, WE'RE GONNA START WORKING ON HOW THE TABLES
ARE GONNA LOOK.
I HAVE A VISION IN MY HEAD,
AND I HAVE TO MAKE SURE TABATHA KNOWS SPECIFICALLY
WHERE EVERY SINGLE PIECE GOES, 'CAUSE SHE'S MY SLAVE, REALLY.
THIS IS A CHAIR COVER.
IT'S UNIVERSAL.
SO, PUT IT OVER IT.
♪
OKAY, PULL IT TIGHT TO WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE A CHAIR.
THERE YOU GO-- NOW, YOU TIE.
NO-- OH, MY GOD, OKAY.
WATCH OUT.
- PERHAPS RELINQUISHING CONTROL IS NOT THIS BRIDEZILLA'S FORTE.
- SO NOW, WE HAVE A CHAIR COVER.
THEY LOOK NICE.
OKAY-- ALL RIGHT.
- DEAL-- CHAIR COMPLETE. - CHAIR DONE.
- OKAY-- SO, JUST SHOW ME HOW TO DO THIS TABLE.
- I MEAN-- WHY AM I DOING ALL OF THIS?
YOU NEED TO BE DOING THIS. - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- OKAY.
- THAT'S THE POINT OF US DOING THIS, REMEMBER?
- PUT SOME OF THESE UNDERNEATH EACH ONE OF THE GLASSES.
- AMANDA-ZILLA BEGRUDGINGLY WALKS TABATHA
THROUGH THE ARDUOUS PROCESS OF PUTTING CANDLES IN HOLDERS
AND NAPKINS IN WINE GLASSES.
- IT'LL BE FOLDED NICELY.
GOES IN THE CUP.
- BUT, DESPITE HER FRIEND'S CLEAR DEDICATION,
AMANDA DECIDES TO REMIND TABATHA OF HER EXPENDABILITY
BY CALLING UP HER COMPETITION.
- WE NEED TO CALL ASHLEY.
- YES, LET'S CALL THE BRIDESMAID.
- ASHLEY, SHE'S MY BESTIE.
SHE'S THE SELF-PROCLAIMED MAID OF HONOR.
BUT, YOU KNOW, MAID OF HONOR,
LIKE, THEY HAVE DUTIES, RIGHT?
ASHLEY JUST HAD A SET OF TWIN GIRLS.
SHE CAN'T REALLY BE HERE.
- SO, WHY NOT USE HER TO EXPLOIT THE FRIEND WHO IS THERE?
- DOESN'T ANYBODY ANSWER THEIR PHONES ANYMORE?
- YOUR CALL HAS BEEN FORWARDED.
PLEASE RECORD YOUR MESSAGE.
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED RECORDING, YOU MAY HANG UP.
- SINCE AMANDA WOULD NEVER DEIGN TO LEAVE A MESSAGE
FOR ONE OF HER UNDERLINGS, TABATHA IS MORE THAN HAPPY
TO RELAY A FEW THOUGHTS TO ASHLEY'S VOICE MAIL.
- HELLO, BRIDESMAID.
THIS IS THE MAID OF HONOR. - OH, MY GOD!
- WE ARE JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT 10:30 WILL BE
THE AT MOST LAST MINUTE YOU CAN ARRIVE
TO GET YOUR MAKEUP DONE. - SHE'S BEEPING IN.
OKAY, ENOUGH.
- I AM THE MAID OF HONOR,
REGARDLESS OF THE OTHER BRIDESMAIDS' OPINIONS.
- WELL, TABATHA MAY THINK SHE'S THE MAID OF HONOR,
BUT AMANDA IS FAR TOO BUSY ENJOYING THIS RIVALRY
TO AWARD ANYONE THE TITLE JUST YET.
- HELLO?
HEY, UH, TABATHA WAS JUST LEAVING YOU,
UH, KIND OF A CRAPPY MESSAGE.
SO, YOU CAN JUST IGNORE HER.
YEAH, THEY'RE FIGHTIN' OVER ME, YOU KNOW?
KEEP ON FIGHTIN'.
♪
WHAT?
ONE O'CLOCK ON FRIDAY?
♪
IT'S-IT'S THURSDAY.
WE CAN'T SET UP TEN TABLES AT 1 O'CLOCK.
THE SERVICE IS AT 5.
- AS GENIUS AS AMANDA'S TABLE DECORATIONS ARE,
WE'RE PRETTY SURE IT WON'T TAKE FOUR HOURS
TO SET UP TEN OF THEM. - OKAY, I GOTTA PROCESS THIS.
I GOTTA GO.
YOU GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU.
- YEAH, THAT'S WHY I SHOULD'VE HANDLED IT FROM THE BEGINNING.
THIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED. SO, I GET IT, ASHLEY.
YOU JUST HAD TWINS.
YOU CAN'T NECESSARILY BE HERE FOR THE BRIDE.
WELL, I DON'T HAVE KIDS, SO I CAN BE HERE.
SO, THEREFORE, I'VE EARNED MY MAID OF HONOR TITLE.
I WILL SET UP EVERY SINGLE TABLE...
- I NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT.
- ...THAT I NEED TO SET UP, AMANDA.
YOU DO NOT WORRY,
'CAUSE THE MAID OF HONOR ALWAYS GETS THE JOB DONE.
- WE SHALL SEE.
WE SHALL SEE. - BUT, IN THE MEANTIME,
OUR ZILLA HAS MORE PRESSING MATTERS TO TEND TO.
- OH, MY GOD-- I HAVE TO GET TO SPRAY TAN.
I'VE GOT 14 MINUTES.
OKAY, DON'T BREAK ANYTHING.
- COMING UP...
- BEHOLD THE DEATH GLARE.
- IN THE BATTLE TO BECOME AMANDA'S MAID OF HONOR...
- I HAVE A MAID OF HONOR SPOT OPEN.
- OH, NO, SHE DOES NOT.
- ...THERE'S BOUND TO BE CASUALTIES.
- YOU MIGHT WANNA BRING YOUR COMBAT GEAR.
ARE YOU TRYING TO GET PUNCHED?
- PLUS... - I CANNOT WAIT.
I CANNOT WAIT-- I CANNOT WAIT.
- DEKEYDRA MAY BULLDOZE HER WAY INTO HER HAIR TRIAL...
- THAT WAS VERY RUDE OF YOU, KEYDRA.
- MY APPOINTMENT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYBODY ELSE'S.
- ...BUT, SHE'S NOT ABOUT TO COVER DAMAGES.
- I'M GONNA NEED MY MONEY BACK.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
- AND I WON'T BE PAYING YOU, EITHER.
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- LET'S GO TRY TO RELAX MISS AMANDA HERE.
- FEELING A LITTLE TENSE AFTER A WEEK
OF BOSSING EVERYONE AROUND,
AMANDA, MOM, AND BRIDESMAID TABATHA
DROP INTO THE SALON FOR A LITTLE PAMPERING BEFORE THE BIG DAY.
- WE ARE GETTING MANIS AND PEDIS.
MY HUSBAND'S COMIN', AND WE'LL DO A PEDICURE FOR HIM.
- OKAY.
- YOU GUYS CAN JUST, LIKE, RUB HIS FEET A LITTLE BIT LONGER,
'CAUSE I DON'T DO THAT.
I'M SICK OF EVERYBODY, AT THIS POINT.
EVERYTHING IS DRIVING ME FLIPPIN' NUTS.
I PRETTY MUCH WANNA BEAT EVERYBODY OVER THE HEAD
WITH A BAG OF SOAP. - SHE'S TOO STRESSED.
- HI-- DO YOU HAVE LIME?
- YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WITH HER ALL WEEK.
- I'LL TAKE CHAMPAGNE-- THANK YOU.
'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE BRIDE.
- SHE NEEDS TO SETTLE DOWN AND NEEDS TO BACK UP.
OH, THIS IS ENOUGH.
- I WAS, LIKE, RAVING LUNATIC EARLIER.
AND I'M ALREADY MARRIED.
HOW COULD SOMEBODY FEEL, IF THEY'RE NOT MARRIED?
I WILL GLADLY DO-- I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.
[laughing]
[belches]
- ONE THING SURE TO ADD A LITTLE PEP TO AMANDA'S STEP
IS THE RAGING COMPETITION BETWEEN TABATHA
AND THE EVER-ABSENT ASHLEY FOR THE ROLE OF MAID OF HONOR.
- BY THE WAY, ASHLEY IS GETTING HER PEDICURE, RIGHT NOW,
AND SHE'S HAVING "MAID OF HONOR" PAINTED ON HER TOES
JUST FOR YOU.
- WELL, I'LL MAKE SURE TO BRING
SOME FINGERNAIL POLISH REMOVER TOMORROW.
- YOU MIGHT WANNA BRING YOUR COMBAT GEAR.
I MIGHT KEEP 'EM IN LIMBO A LITTLE BIT MORE.
SEE ABOUT THIS WHOLE MAID OF HONOR THING-- I DON'T KNOW.
WE'LL-WE'LL SEE HOW IT PLAYS OUT.
THERE IS NO MAID OF HONOR.
ASHLEY THINKS SHE'S THE MAID OF HONOR.
TABATHA THINKS SHE'S THE MAID OF HONOR.
SO, I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A FULL-BLOWN CATFIGHT
AT MY CEREMONY.
IT'LL BE QUITE INTERESTING.
I FEEL LIKE A BRIDE BEING TUGGED IN BOTH DIRECTIONS,
AND I KINDA LIKE IT.
- HAVING WARMED HER SELFISH HEART,
PITTING HER FRIENDS AGAINST EACH OTHER...
YAY, FOOD!
- ...IT'S TIME FOR OUR ZILLA BEAST TO FEAST.
- WHAT DID YOU PUT ALL O-- THEY PUT THE DRESSING ON IT.
I DON'T LIKE THE DRESSING.
- IS AMANDA CONTROLLING?
TO SAY THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM, I WOULD SAY SO.
I WOULD SAY A LITTLE BIT.
UM, I'M JUST GONNA SAY YES.
I'M HERE SIMPLY TO BE TOLD I'M WRONG.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO GET PUNCHED?
I'M REALLY HUNGRY-- I'M NOT KIDDING.
UGH!
I JUST GET SO, LIKE, IRRITATED AND FRUSTRATED.
WE'LL JUST KEEP REDOING IT UNTIL WE GET IT RIGHT.
SEND IT BACK.
- BUT, BEFORE DEREK HAS TO GIVE UP HIS PLACE IN LINE
FOR A PEDICURE,
THE SALON OWNER COMES TO THE RESCUE
WITH A PLATE OF SNACKS. - YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC.
- AREN'T WE AMAZING? - OH, MY GOD!
I'M COMIN'-- - THIS IS HER FAVORITE.
- I HAVE A MAID OF HONOR SPOT OPEN.
- OH, NO, SHE DOES NOT.
- OH, PLEASE!
- FOR ONCE, IT CAN BE ABOUT ME.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "FOR ONCE?"
EVER SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN--
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, EVER SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN?
- IT HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT AMANDA
SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN. - IS IT?
IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT AMANDA, OR IS IT JUST THIS WEEK?
'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT'S JUST THIS WEEK.
- SHE'S DELUSIONAL.
- YOU KNOW, I'M PLATINUM-- SO, WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU DON'T SAY "NO" TO PLATINUM.
BEHOLD THE DEATH GLARE.
♪
[laughing]
- SO MUCH FOR THAT DEATH GLARE.
- IT HAS NOT BEEN ALL ABOUT ME FROM THE DAY THAT I WAS BORN.
I'M JUST SAYIN'.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I DO A LOT FOR OTHERS.
I SO SELFISHLY-- I MEAN, SELF-ESS-L--
- HA-HA!
- IT'S ONLY NATURAL TO STUMBLE OVER NEW CONCEPTS.
- SELFLESSLY DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS.
♪
- TODAY, DEKEYDRA IS LATE FOR A HAIR TRIAL
SHE FULLY EXPECTS HER STEPMOM TO PAY FOR.
BUT, WHEN SHE ARRIVES,
OUR ZILLA DISCOVERS ONLY BRIDESMAID TANISHA.
- I'M HERE-- I'M HERE!
I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU.
- OH.
- AND AN INTERLOPER IN THE STYLIST'S CHAIR.
- DEKEYDRA-DEKEYDRA, OVER HERE.
- NO, NO, NO. - KASH, I HAVE STUFF TO DO.
- NO.
- LIKE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING MY HAIR.
OKAY, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO--
- WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT A HOT SECOND.
- NO, I CANNOT WAIT-- I CANNOT WAIT-- I CANNOT WAIT.
- NO! - KASH, NO!
- HOLD ON A MINUTE! - NO-- YOU JUST GO AHEAD.
- NO, KEYDRA-- HOLD ON A MINUTE!
- AND THERE YOU GO.
YOU ARE TAKING PHONE CALLS AND STUFF.
- I'M ALMOST FINISHED!
- NO, YOU ARE TAKING PHONE CALLS AND STUFF.
- KEYDRA, I'M ALMOST FINISHED.
- OKAY, BUT I HAVE STUFF TO DO, KASH.
DIDN'T I MAKE AN APPOINTMENT?
- OKAY, LET ME DO THIS LAST ONE.
- DID I MAKE AN APPOINTMENT?
I'M NOT BEING RUDE BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY-IT'S NOT MY JOB
TO MAKE SURE THAT CHAIR'S OPEN.
IT'S KASH'S JOB-- SO, KASH CAN HANDLE THAT.
- SHE'S GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE! - HEY, NO!
- I HAVE TO GO-- I HAVE STUFF TO DO!
- YOU'RE OVERDOING IT!
- I HAVE A WEDDING TO PREPARE FOR,
AND I DON'T NEED TO BE WAITIN' ON NOBODY.
I REFUSE TO WAIT ON ANYBODY.
- SINCE DEKEYDRA OUTWEIGHS THE COMPETITION
EVER SO SLIGHTLY,
IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO JUST OBEY.
- OKAY.
- YEAH-- THANK YOU. - HERE.
- THANK YOU. - TOO BAD.
- THANK YOU. - HERE.
- YOU KNOW I'S BEEN WAITIN' FOR YOU-- SORRY, SWEETHEART.
- YOU'RE TOO MUCH. - I HAVE-I HAVE STUFF TO DO.
IT'S MY WEDDING ON SATURDAY-- I'M SO SERIOUS.
IT'S MY WEDDING ON SATURDAY AND--
- WE'RE NOT CURLING ALL YOUR HAIR.
- YEAH, WE'RE-WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING TODAY.
- THAT WAS VERY RUDE OF YOU, KEYDRA.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS WOMAN. - THAT'S FINE.
BUT, I MEAN, TAKE IT UP WITH HER HAIRSTYLIST.
I HAD AN APPOINTMENT-- SO, I'M HERE.
MY APPOINTMENT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYBODY ELSE'S.
- SHE PUT MY CLIENT OUT OF THE CHAIR.
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE PUT MY CLIENT OUT THE CHAIR.
BUT, I'M JUST GONNA PIN YOUR HAIR UP
AND A PREVIEW OF THE STYLE.
WE'RE NOT GONNA GO THROUGH ALL THE WHOLE--
- NO, WE ARE GONNA GO THROUGH. - NO, WE'RE NOT.
- YOU THINK-- OKAY, IT'S A HAIRSTYLE.
- I'M NOT GONNA THROUGH IT ALL.
- DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA PAY YOU FOR A HAIRSTYLE?
- I'M NOT GONNA GO-- - WELL, I WON'T BE PAYING YOU.
- NO, I'M NOT GOING THROUGH ALL THAT.
- AND I WON'T BE PAYING YOU, EITHER.
- ACTUALLY, THERE'S NO GUARANTEE KASH
WILL BE GETTING ANY CASH,
SINCE DEKEYDRA'S PAYMENT PLAN
RELIES UPON HER STEPMOTHER SHOWING UP.
- I'M THE BRIDE.
IT'S MY DAY-- IT'S MY WEDDING.
YOUR MOM AND YOUR DAD,
ALL THEM'S SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR THE WEDDING.
THEY'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING UP ALL THEIR MONEY
FOR THE WEDDING.
- WHAT UP, YA'LL? - SAVE ME, PLEASE.
- WELL, YOU'RE LATE. - I CAME TO GET MY HAIR WASHED.
SO, WHO WOULD WASH IT?
- YOU CAME TO GET YOUR-- - I-I SURE DID.
I SURE DID. - YOU [indistinct] TOO MUCH.
- OKAY, AIN'T NOBODY GETTING THEIR HAIR WASHED.
THIS IS MY WEDDING-- IT'S-IT'S A COUPLE OF DAYS.
- AND WHO CARE-- YOU KNOW WHAT-- WHO CARES?
- SO, ALL-ALL YOUR ALL--
ALL THESE DAYS SHOULDA JUST BEEN OPEN-- WE--
- NO, I'M NOT GONNA KEEP GOING THROUGH THIS.
I TOLD YOU THIS YESTERDAY.
SO, I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR MONEY TOGETHER.
OR, DID YOU TALK TO YOUR FIANCE
AND TELL HIM I'M GONNA NEED MY MONEY BACK?
HOW ABOUT THAT?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY STEPMOM.
SHE'S REALLY GETTIN' ON MY NERVES TODAY.
SHE'S BEEN GETTIN' ON MY NERVES ALL WEEK.
I KINDA HAD A PROBLEM WITH HER AT THE CAKE TASTING PLACE.
BUT, AT THE END OF THE DAY, SHE PAID FOR IT.
SO, I WILL MAKE SURE SHE PAYS FOR IT.
KASH-- KASH IS DOING MY HAIR.
- KASH, DO YOU-- - AND SHE'S NOT GONNA STOP.
- YEAH, WHATEVER-WHATEVER. - ARE YOU ALMOST DONE?
I HAVE TO GO. - GIRL, I WANT YOU TO GO.
- SADLY FOR KASH, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THAT EASY.
- OKAY, I NEED THIS TO BE MORE,
'CAUSE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE IT'S RIGHT HERE.
THERE'S NOTHIN' RIGHT HERE. - SO, WHAT YOU WANT?
IT MORE HIGHER UP?
- YEAH, TO MORE OF A HUMP. - BUT, THAT'S IT.
LIKE THAT, RIGHT? - BUT, IT'S ALREADY ON A HUMP.
SO, HOW MUCH HP DO YOU WANT?
- AND THEN, THAT COME DOWN LIKE THAT?
- EXACTLY.
- BUT, AS KASH IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT,
*** DEKEYDRA IS A TRICKY BUSINESS.
- YOU SEE THIS?
I DON'T WANT IT THAT HIGH. - WELL, HOW HIGH DO YOU WANT IT?
I MEAN, YOU KEEP ON SAYING, "I WANT IT HIGHER.
"I WANT IT HIGHER-- I WANT IT HIGHER.
"I WANT IT HIGHER." - I DON'T WANT IT THAT HIGH.
YOU NEED TO FIX IT-- FIX IT.
- BUT, AT LAST, EVEN THE HUMPTY DANCE
MUST COME TO AN END. - I HOPE IT'S RIGHT THIS TIME.
- I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA BE RIGHT THIS TIME.
OKAY-- THERE.
- THOUGH DEKEYDRA HARDLY SEEMS BOWLED OVER,
SHE EVENTUALLY PUTS AN END TO KASH'S MISERY,
WHILE LEAVING HER STEPMOM HOLDING THE BAG.
- HERE'S YOUR DRAPE-- I'M NOT PAYING YOU.
EXCUSE ME.
- SOMEBODY GOTTA PAY ME.
- I'M NOT PAYING NOTHING!
WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE ME TO PAY ANYTHING?
- DEKEYDRA'S VERY LUCKY HER MOTHER WAS HERE TO PAY
FOR HER SERVICES BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY THAT.
- I'M NOT GONNA--
- WHILE YOU GUYS FIGURE OUT WHO'S GONNA PAY--
- I'M GONNA GET PAID. - NO, GIVE ME THAT [indistinct]!
- 'CAUSE I'M NOT PAYING ANYTHING.
- GET ME THAT-- [indistinct]. - SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
- KASH-- KASH! - BYE!
- GIVE ME THAT PURSE AND GO GET YOUR--
- GOODBYE!
YEAH, I AIN'T PAYING FOR NOTHIN', STUPID ***.
♪
- COMING UP...
- I'M A CONTROL FREAK.
- WHEN AMANDA'S RECEPTION TURNS 50 SHADES OF BLUE...
- OH, DEAR GOD!
- ...SHE IS NOT A HAPPY ZILLA.
- I'M FREAKING OUT.
- PLUS, IN THE FACE OF PERSPIRATION...
- WHO WANTS TO WALK UP A HILL?
ARE WE EXERCISING, OR ARE WE TAKING PICTURES FOR A WEDDING?
- ...DEKEYDRA OFFERS INTIMIDATION.
- IF MY PHOTOS ARE NOT DONE CORRECTLY,
LIKE, YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW.
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- YOU'RE GONNA HIDE ALL MY PIMPLES, RIGHT?
- I'M GONNA DO WHAT I CAN. - UM, I KNOW.
THEY'RE BAD. - WELL, JEEZ.
- I KNOW-- IT'S TERRIBLE.
- COVERED IN PINK AND BARKING ORDERS,
THIS ITTY-BITTY ZILLA IS READY TO PUT ON HER PRETTY
FOR THE BIG DAY.
- DO YOU SEE THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES FROM ALL THE CRYING I DID?
I WAS UP AT 5 A.M. THIS MORNING.
I'M SURPRISED I DIDN'T WAKE UP THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
IT WAS LIKE BRIDEZILLA WAS DEFINITELY IN FULL-BLOWN MODE.
I'M FEELING VERY SELFISH, AT THE MOMENT.
SO, TODAY AND EVERY DAY,
PEOPLE ARE JUST GONNA HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE ME.
- YOU'RE IN PANIC MODE.
- OH, YEAH, BUT I LEARNED IT FROM THE BEST.
- HA-HA. - RIGHT, MA?
OH, YEAH-- YOU WERE JUST A PEACH.
- HA-HA!
- DOES THE PEACH FALL FAR FROM THE TREE?
- IT'S ALL RIGHT-- YOUR PEACH IS JUST WRINKLED.
[laughing]
YOU KNOW, WE LIVE IN THE SOUTH-- WE'RE FROM TEXAS.
WE'RE ALL ABOUT MANNERS.
BUT, SOMEBODY THROWS ME A CURVEBALL--
I'M GONNA THROW IT RIGHT BACK, TEN TIMES HARDER.
- HAVING PUT MOM'S PEACH BACK IN ITS PLACE,
OUR ZILLA SETS HER SIGHTS ON THE REMAINING VENUE SETUP.
- HOW'S IT GOIN'?
- HI-- WE HAVE GOT AN HOUR AND TEN MINUTES
BEFORE WE HAVE TO GET TO THE CHURCH
TO FINISH SETTING UP TABLES.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO THE CHURCH?
- I CAN GO TO THE CHURCH.
- ONE GIRL, SHE CAN HANDLE IT. - YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE.
- YEAH-- WELL, I'M AFRAID YOU WON'T DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.
[laughing]
- IS THIS NOT RIDICULOUS? - I'M A CONTROL FREAK.
MOM CAN TELL YA THAT. - OH, BOY!
AMANDA IS SO OCD ABOUT THIS WHOLE TABLE,
YOU KNOW, EXTRAVAGANZA.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE HERE,
GO SET THE REST OF THEM UNDER HER SUPERVISION,
AND THEN GO BACK AND GET HER DRESS ON.
- SO, TRUSTING NO ONE BUT HERSELF,
OUR PRINCESS DECLARES HER MORNING MAKEUP COMPLETE
AND MAKES HASTE TO FINISH UP THE RECEPTION DECORATIONS.
- I DON'T THINK THIS IS CUSTOMARY FOR THE BRIDE
TO BE SETTING UP.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HERE, AMANDA.
- WE'RE, LIKE, LITERALLY THREE HOURS OUT FROM THE WEDDING.
I GOTTA GET THE SECOND WIND,
'CAUSE NOBODY ELSE IS GONNA DO THIS FOR ME.
IF LANCE ARMSTRONG CAN RIDE IN A TRIATHLON WITH ONE BALL,
I CAN DO THIS.
- INTERESTING COMPARISON.
- WE NEED TO START SETTING UP DESSERT PLATES OVER THERE,
WHERE THE CAKE'S GONNA BE.
- THAT'S JUST STACKING PLATES, RIGHT?
- NO, HONEY.
LET'S NOT PUT FINGERPRINTS OR ANYTHING ON 'EM.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
- GOT IT.
- PROBABLY BEST TO JUST KEEP NODDING.
- OH, DEAR GOD!
THIS BLUE IS TOO LIGHT.
- APPARENTLY, AMANDA ORDERED COLOR COORDINATED CANDY
THAT CAME IN NOT SO COORDINATED.
- WHAT IS G-- [sighs]
- YEAH, BUT WITH IT UP ON THE TABLE, MANDY,
IT REALLY IS NOT GONNA MAKE THAT BIG OF A DIFFERENCE.
SO, I THINK IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
- LIKE, ARE YOU INSANE?
THE STAKES ARE INCREDIBLY HIGH.
YOU KNOW, THIS CEREMONY ISN'T LIKE MOST.
SO, GETTING IT WRONG IS NO OPTION.
THIS IS BABY BLUE.
- BUT, YOU KNOW, MIXED UP THERE WITH EVERYTHING ELSE,
IT'S NOT EVEN GONNA BE AN ISSUE.
WE'RE NOT-- - LOOK AT THIS.
- JUST 'CAUSE OF THE BLUE ACCENTS.
THE GUYS' TUXEDOS ARE GONNA BE OFF
AND YOUR SASHES ARE GONNA BE OFF.
♪
- IT'S REALLY NOT THAT CRUCIAL.
I THINK ALL THE BLUES ARE GONNA BLEND TOGETHER.
- WHEN TABATHA DOESN'T GIVE OUR ZILLA THE RESPONSE
THIS CRISIS CLEARLY DESERVES,
AMANDA TURNS TO THE ONLY OTHER PERSON
WHO MIGHT POSSIBLY CARE EVEN LESS.
- HEY-- WHERE ARE YOU?
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING SET UP.
SO, COME TO THE CHURCH HERE-- I MEAN, UH, IT'S 2 O'CLOCK.
LIKE, WE HAVE THREE HOURS, LITERALLY.
♪
MOM, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE GUYS.
I'M NOT THE GUYS-- I DON'T KNOW.
I'M AT THE CHURCH, TRYING TO GET SET UP-- I'M FREAKING OUT.
LITERALLY, THREE HOURS BEFORE WE WALK DOWN THE AISLE,
I'M STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHURCH,
WITH TABLECLOTHS NOT ON TABLES.
I'M FREAKING OUT.
- WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING
YOU HAVE YOUR WANNABE MAID OF HONOR ON HAND.
- PLEASE DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE GLASSES, OKAY?
IT PUTS FINGERPRINTS ON THE GLASSES.
HEY, MAMA MEANS BUSINESS, OKAY?
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I'M SERIOUS-- I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU, AGAIN.
EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH IT, IT'S GONNA MESS UP EVEN MORE.
♪
- IT'S COLD!
YOU GOT NO EXTRA JACKET?
HELLO-- ARE YOU READY?
- YEAH, I'M READY-- NOW, WHAT DO WE GOTTA DO?
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ON TIME.
HI-- READY FOR OUR APPOINTMENT? - YES.
- TODAY, DEKEYDRA HAS FORCED BRIDESMAID SHAKIA
TO LEND SOME MUSCLE TO HER FINAL MEETING
WITH THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
- THE BIGGEST THING I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT IS,
WHEN I WALK OUT OF MY CHURCH, OUT OF THE CEREMONY,
THAT SHE HAS A PLACE FOR ME TO TAKE PICTURES WITH MY GROOM
AND WEDDING PARTY.
- SO, EITHER WE COULD DO SUBURBAN STEEL,
OR WE COULD DO THE PARK, HYDE PARK, FOR YOU.
- HMM.
- SUBURBAN STEEL IS GONNA GIVE US MORE
OF A RUSTIC TYPE BACKGROUND. - MMM-HMM.
- HYDE PARK IS OBVIOUSLY A PARK.
THERE'S GONNA BE A HILL.
- I MEAN, I DON'T WANNA BE, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
ON NO RAILROAD TRACKS, BUT I DON'T BE WANNA--
I DON'T WANNA WALK UP A HILL, EITHER.
I DO NOT WANNA BE CLIMBING NO HILLS ON MY WEDDING DAY,
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
WHO WANTS TO WALK UP A HILL?
ARE WE EXERCISING,
OR ARE WE TAKING PICTURES FOR A WEDDING?
- A LITTLE EXERCISE WOULDN'T KILL YOU.
WE DON'T THINK.
- THE ADVANTAGE TO WALKING UP THE HILL,
IF YOU DECIDED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND,
YOU HAVE THIS GORGEOUS SCENERY OF THE CITY BEHIND YOU.
- I WANT NICE, PICTURE PERFECT BACKGROUND.
BUT, IF I HAVE TO CLIMB UP A TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN TO GET THERE,
UM, I'M PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO GO TO PLAN B.
UM, FIND ANOTHER PHOTOGRAPHER.
THAT'S IT, AND THAT'S ALL.
- WELL, SHORT OF FINDING A PHOTOGRAPHER WITH A CRANE
TO HOIST OUR ZILLA INTO PLACE,
PERHAPS THERE'S A MORE HIGH TECH SOLUTION.
INSTEAD OF HAVING YOU WALK UP THE HILL,
IS THERE A WAY THAT SHE CAN PLACE THAT SCENE
THAT SHE'S TRYING TO CAPTURE BEHIND YOU
ON-ON YOUR FLAT-YOUR FLAT SURFACE THAT YOU'RE ON?
- YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. - YEAH.
- THAT'S NOT PART OF HER PACKAGE.
- OH, OKAY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT PART, UM, A PART OF MY PACKAGE?
- THAT WOULD BE PART OF DIGITAL IMAGING,
THE DIGITAL MANIPULATION.
I THINK SHE MIGHT BE WATCHING A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH TV.
THERE'S A LOT INVOLVED WHEN YOU'RE TRYING
TO DO DIGITAL IMAGING.
- ODDLY ENOUGH, A HOLLYWOOD SPECIAL EFFECTS PACKAGE
IS NOT IN DEKEYDRA'S PHOTO BUDGET.
BUT, FOR A LITTLE SAMPLING,
HERE'S HOW SHE WOULD LOOK ON TOP OF MOUNT EVEREST.
- IF EVERYTHING IS NOT THE WAY THAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE,
I'M SO SERIOUS.
YOU DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW WHAT I'LL DO.
IF MY PHOTOS ARE NOT DONE CORRECTLY,
LIKE, YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW.
♪
- DEKEYDRA DID MAKE ME A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS
ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.
IF THINGS DON'T GO COMPLETELY SMOOTH,
SHE MIGHT END UP, YOU KNOW, GOING A LITTLE BIT OFF.
- THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET MY MASTER PLAN TOGETHER.
- RIGHT. - SO, I HAVE YOUR WORD, RIGHT?
- LET ME LOOK AT SOME OTHER LOCATIONS FOR YOU.
- MMM-HMM-- MMM-HMM. - AND THEN, RUN THAT BY YOU.
- ALL RIT-- S-SEE YOU ON FRIDAY.
- COMING UP...
- YOU SEE THIS?
- DEKEYDRA'S BRIDAL PARTY... - OH, MY DRESS IS PERFECT,
- YOU CAN'T EVEN BEND OVER!
- ...SUFFERS A CASUALTY.
- BYE-BYE, ANGELINA!
NOW, GO WITH YOUR DRESS, SINCE YOU WANNA BE A CRYBABY.
- PLUS-- - UGH!
- WILL AMANDA'S SUFFERING KNOW NO END?
- OW-- OW!
BEING A BRIDE HURTS REALLY BAD.
- FIND OUT NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- LOOK AT YOUR MONKEY FEET.
YOU'REIKE OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-AH-AH-AH-AH-
OOH-OOH-AH-AH.
- THESE ARE NORMAL.
- THERE'S NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT THOSE FEET.
ARE THERE ANYTHING NORMAL ABOUT HIS FEET, MOM?
- I HAVEN'T REALLY EXAMINED HIS FEET,
SO I REALLY COULDN'T TELL YOU. - HE CAN SPREAD HIS TOES.
WHEN HE SPREADS HIS TOES, IT'S UGH.
- YOU GREW A FLINTSTONE FEET-- ERRRR.
- YOU HAVE MONKEY TOES-- OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-AH.
- I'D RATHER TOES-I'D RATHER HAVE TOES THAT GRAB
THAN TOES THAT JUST POUND. - OOH, AND HE DOES.
HE GRABS THE REMOTE WITH HIS TOES.
- WOW-- WE REALLY GONNA GO THERE?
THIS IS MY TOE.
♪
♪
- HELLO.
- TONIGHT, DEKEYDRA IS ROUNDING UP
HER CONSIDERABLE BRIDAL PARTY FOR A DRESS INSPECTION.
- OKAY-- SO, WHERE YOU *** AT?
LIKE, YOU GUYS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, LIKE, A HALF HOUR AGO.
WHO ARE YOU WITH?
NINI?
I MEAN, WHERE IS ANGELINA-- WHERE'S KIANA?
WHERE'S LATOYA-- YOU GUYS ALL WORK AT THE SAME PLACE.
- OH, DEKEYDRA. - GET UP HERE.
I GOTTA GO.
- AS THE MISSING BRIDESMAIDS BEGIN TO PILE IN,
DEKEYDRA GREETS THEM WITH HER USUAL SWEETNESS AND LIGHT.
- IT'S WINTERTIME-- I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT SONG.
IT'S COLD-- IT'S COLD.
- OKAY, KEYDRA-- PEOPLE GOTTA WORK.
THEY GOT STUFF TO DO.
- OKAY, BUT I'M SAYING IT'S WINTERTIME.
WAITING FOR 12 DIFFERENT GIRLS TO GET HERE,
WITH 12 DIFFERENT ATTITUDES.
I KNOW I'M ABOUT TO HEAR A LOT OF CHAOS,
A LOT OF COMPLAINING.
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR NONE OF THAT.
IF I DON'T HAVE 12 BRIDESMAIDS BY THE END OF THE NIGHT,
I'M NOT GONNA CRY ABOUT IT.
- FRANKLY, WE'RE SURPRISED YOU HAVE 12 FRIENDS.
AND DUE TO THE VAST NUMBERS IN THE BRIDAL PARTY,
DEKEYDRA TAKES TO DRESSING THEM DOWN IN SHIFTS.
- OKAY, COME ON, SO I CAN SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
JUST COME ON-- COME ON-- COME ON.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY, FIRST-- - THAT'S HOW THEY GO.
- NO-- I'M GONNA NEED SOME COVER-UP.
WE'RE GOING TO A CHURCH-- WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE CLUB.
- KEYDRA, THIS IS THE DRESS.
- YOU PICKED THESE DRESSES OUT. - OH.
- YOU KNEW WE HAD ***. - NO-- NO-- NO.
- OKAY, AND IF YOU WOULD'VE WENT TO ALTERATIONS,
SHE WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO COVER THAT UP.
IF YOU-- STOP BEING CHEAP.
- IF YOU PAY FOR IT--
- THEN, YOU GUYS COULD'VE PULLED IT UP.
- BUT, WORSE THAN A NECKLINE SHE AUTHORIZED?
THE BODY ART SHE DID NOT.
- EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE PLANNING ON COVERING THIS UP.
- MY TATTOO? - YEAH.
- WHO GONNA SEE THAT? - EVERYBODY WILL.
I'M GONNA NEED THAT COVERED UP, AND THIS COVERED UP,
AND THAT COVERED UP. - I'M SORRY.
- OKAY, WE CAN SWITCH-- YOU STAY-- YOU GUYS CAN GO.
- AFTER THE FIRST BATCH OF BRIDESMAIDS
ARE GIVEN THEIR GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD,
THE SECOND BATCH ARE TREATED TO A QUICK PIT STOP.
- PITS. - PITS?
- PUT YOUR-- - I DIDN'T SHAVE YET.
- TODAY IS THE DAY.
- CLEAR.
THAT'S STILL POWDERED-- CLEAR.
- I DIDN'T SHAVE YET. - I SEE BLACK THINGS.
CLEAR, PLEASE. - OH, MY GOD.
- NOBODY'S GONNA LOOK AT MY ARMPITS IN THE WEDDING.
IT'S, LIKE, NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT OUR ARMPITS
LOOK LIKE, EXCEPT FOR HER.
I MEAN, IS SHE GONNA MAKE SURE OUR VAGINAS ARE SHAVED, TOO?
I DON'T KNOW.
- ANGELINA SHOULD BE CAREFUL WHAT SHE SAYS
BECAUSE DEKEYDRA IS NOTHING IF NOT THOROUGH.
- TURN AROUND.
YEAH, YOU NEED TO TAKE IT BACK AND GET IT ALTERED CORRECTLY.
AND YOU SEE THIS?
- UH, THAT'S MY BACK FAT.
- WE PROBABLY NEED TO SOME-- - THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
- WE'RE GONNA NEED TO DO SOME-SOME--
- NO.
- WELL, IF THAT ISN'T THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE FAT.
- I MEAN, YOU COULD BARELY EVEN GET INTO THIS DRESS.
IT'S SUPER TIGHT. - I'M IN IT, AND IT'S ZIPPED.
- SEEM LIKE, AS SOON AS YOU SIT DOWN, YOU'RE JUST GONNA BUST.
- YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH ANYTHING.
- NO. - THIS DRESS IS PERFECT.
- NO, IT'S NOT PERFECT. - YEAH, IT IS.
- SHE'S JUST SO FREAKIN' RUDE.
SHE'LL TRY TO THROW LOW BLOWS AT YOU.
SHE WILL BRING UP THINGS ABOUT YOU.
AND IT'S JUST LIKE-- I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT.
- NO ONE'S TALKING TO YOU. - I'M TALKING TO YOU.
- NO, THE HELL YOU'RE NOT-- NO, THE HELL YOU'RE NOT.
NO, THE HELL YOU'RE NOT-- NO, THE HELL YOU'RE NOT.
- UM, ACTUALLY, SHE KINDA IS.
- MY DRESS IS PERFECT, SO I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN-- - TO WHO?
- TO ME! - OKAY.
- YOU CAN'T EVEN BEND OVER.
THAT-THAT-THAT MEANS-THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO BE DOING
SOME PUSH-UPS OR SOMETHIN'!
I SURE CAN-- I SURE CAN.
I SURE CAN-- I SURE THE [deleted] CAN!
DON'T GET MAD.
NOW, GO TAKE YOUR DRESS OFF, AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
NO, DON'T BE NO CRYBABY-- DON'T BE NO CRYBABY.
I BEEN PLANNIN' THIS TOO LONG.
I PUT TOO MUCH HARD WORD INTO THIS.
I WON'T LET NOBODY MESS IT UP.
I WON'T LET NOBODY BRING ME DOWN.
I'M NOT GONNA LET NOBODY GIVE ME THEIR RIFF-RAFF.
LIKE I SAID, I'M GONNA DISMISS 'EM,
AS FAST AS I PICKED THEM UP-- SO--
- BUT, ANGELINA IS PREPARED TO BEAT OUR BRIDEZILLA
TO THE PUNCH.
AS SHE GETS READY TO MAKE HER GRAND EXIT,
SHE DECIDES TO LEAVE DEKEYDRA A LITTLE PARTING GIFT.
- HEY, IF IT'S WRONG, YOU DON'T NEED NO DRESS.
YOU AIN'T GOTTA WEAR IT-- SO, GOODBYE.
SO, LET ME GIVE HER-HER DRESS,
SINCE SHE WANTS TO THROW IT.
- OH-- OH.
- NO, YOU DID NOT-- NO, YOU DID NOT THROW IT.
NO, SHE DID NOT!
- BYE-BYE, ANGELINA.
GO WITH YOUR DRESS, SINCE YOU WANNA BE A CRYBABY.
I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR WHO I AM.
AND THE WAY I ACT IS-- THAT'S WHO I AM.
SO, I DON'T APOLOGIZE.
OH, MY GOD!
DID I JUST DO THAT-- I TOLD YOU GUYS.
I'M NOT WITH THAT [deleted] NO MORE.
I GOT FOUR DAYS 'TIL MY [deleted] WEDDING.
I DON'T NEED NOBODY IN HERE COMPLAINING ABOUT NOTHIN'.
I DON'T CARE!
♪
- AYE-AYE-AYE.
I'M JUST LETTING EVERYBODY KNOW.
IF I EVER GET A HAIR ON MY *** TO DO THIS
IN ANOTHER FIVE YEARS,
YA'LL BETTER PUNCH ME IN THE FACE.
- HA-HA-HA.
- HAVING BARELY LIFTED A FINGER ALL WEEK ON HER OWN BEHALF,
OUR GENTILE ZILLA'S REALIZING THAT IT
JUST WASN'T WORTH ALL THE SLAVE LABOR IT TOOK TO GET HERE.
- UGH!
OKAY, WE HAVE 30 MINUTES, LIKE, BEFORE WE WALK DOWN THE AISLE,
AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY DRESS ON.
IT'S LIKE A ROLLER COASTER,
AND I GUESS I'VE BEEN IN FANTASY ALL WEEK,
AND NOW I'M GOING INTO REALITY.
AND WE'RE ON CRUNCH TIME, AT THIS POINT.
- AND NOW THAT BRIDESMAID ASHLEY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED...
- HEY.
- ...AMANDA SHOULD PROBABLY DECIDE
WHO IS TO BE HER MAID-OF-HONOR.
BUT, IT SEEMS SHE'S ENJOYING THE COMPETITION
A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO LET GO.
- SO, ARE YA'LL GONNA DUKE IT OUT DOWN THE AISLE OR WHAT?
- WHO'S GOING DOWN FIRST?
- YOU KNOW, WE NEED TO GO TALL TO SHORT.
- OKAY.
- 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW THE GROOMSMENS ARE GOING.
- YEAH, AND THAT'S GREAT.
- SO, I, BEING THE TALLEST, WILL BE NEXT TO AMANDA.
THEREFORE, GIVES ME THE MAID OF HONOR TITLE.
- YOU'RE GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH THAT?
- NO-- I LIKE TABATHA.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEEN FILLING IN UNTIL I GOT HERE,
UNTIL THE-THE REAL MAID OF HONOR SHOWED UP.
I JUST HAD TWIN GIRLS SIX WEEKS AGO.
SO, I'VE BEEN IN THE HEALING PROCESS.
BUT, SHE CAN TAKE A STEP BACK, NOW, 'CAUSE I'M HERE.
- IN ALL HONESTY, WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS THE LONGEST.
I MEAN, WE'VE GOT 15 YEARS AGAINST 7.
- BUT, AT THE SAME TIME, I EARNED THIS TITLE
BECAUSE SHE WAS UANBLE TO ATTEND.
- THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT. - I'M HERE, NOW.
- YES, IT'S HER FAULT-- SHE HAD BABIES.
- UGH-- ALL RIGHT-- YA'LL GOTTA GET ME IN MY DRESS.
WE HAVE 12 MINUTES.
- REALIZING THIS ISSUE MAY HAVE GROWN TOO BIG TO CONTROL,
OUR ZILLA DECIDES TO IGNORE IT AND GET HER JOLLIES
IN OTHER WAYS.
♪
- DOES THAT FEEL TIGHT? - HA-HA-HA.
- WE'RE AT THE HOUSE, AND THE WEDDING'S STARTING,
AND AMANDA'S NOT EVEN DRESSED YET.
SO, AGAIN, WE'RE PANICKING, TRYING TO GET HER READY
AND GET HER TO THE CHURCH.
- OH, MY DEAR LORD.
PULL IT TIGHT.
AS LONG AS *** AREN'T HANGING OUT, I'M ALL GOOD.
- YOU HOLD ONTO SOMETHIN'.
IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE. - IT'S-- I'M GOOD.
YOU CAN TAKE ME ON THAT RIDE.
[horse neighing]
- PERHAPS IT WAS A SIMILAR SENTIMENT THAT LED
TO OUR ZILLA'S SHOTGUN WEDDING FIVE YEARS AGO.
- OW!
I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE HEAD'S ABOUT TO FALL OFF.
OW!
OW! - I DIDN'T PICK THE VEIL.
YOU DID.
- OW-- OW!
BEING A BRIDE HURTS REALLY BAD.
- YOU DON'T EVEN NEED THE VEIL, AMANDA.
- I WANT THE VEIL.
I PAID FOR THE VEIL-- WE'RE TAKIN' THE VEIL.
PIN IT IN-- PIN IT IN-- PIN IT IN!
- BUT, WHAT'S A LITTLE SUFFERING
WHEN THERE'S SO MUCH BEAUTY TO BEHOLD?
- OKAY, NOW I'M GONNA CRY.
DID YOU REALLY DO THIS?
- HARD TO BELIEVE.
WE KNOW.
- NO CRYING-- YOU CAN'T CRY-- GIVE HER A TISSUE.
- I'M AN EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE.
YOU KNOW, KIND OF ALL OVER THE PLACE.
IT WAS OVERWHELMING, BUT IN A GOOD WAY.
IT WAS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU WALK IN,
AND YOU'RE JUST SO MOVED.
♪
ONCE I WALK DOWN THAT AISLE,
I CAN GIVE TWO CRAPS ABOUT THE RECEPTION.
EVERYBODY CAN CHILL AND HANG OUT,
AS LONG AS PEOPLE SEE ME IN MY WEDDING DRESS.
DO I LOOK FAT?
- COMING UP,
AMANDA'S BIG MOMENT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED.
- OH, MY GOSH!
- TOO BAD SHE LEFT ONE OR TWO THINGS BEHIND.
[gasps]
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- CAN YOU GRAB MY TOOTHBRUSH AND TOOTHPASTE?
'CAUSE I HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH BEFORE I KISS DEREK.
AND PUT IT IN THAT BAG AND GRAB IT.
- IT'S TIME TO SHUTTLE HER MAJESTY OVER TO THE CEREMONY,
BUT OUR POOR BRIDEZILLA IS ABOUT TO GET
QUITE A NASTY SHOCK.
[gasps]
- TROY!
THEY DON'T HAVE BOUTONNIERES ON!
NO!
I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS TOTALLY READY TO CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.
MY BLOOD WAS JUST BOILING.
IT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING WAS GOING RIGHT.
I WAS VERY FRANTIC, VERY FRUSTRATED.
I DON'T KNOW-- I HAVE TO CALL HER.
- HELLO? - MOM, AS SOON AS YOU GET THERE,
PLEASE PULL THE BOUTONNIERES OUT OF THE FRIDGE
AND PUT THEM ON EVERYBODY.
OH, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY-- WOW!
WE HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT CAME-- YAY!
THEY'RE ALL HERE TO SEE ME-- IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
- DISASTER AVERTED-- AMANDA CAN, ONCE AGAIN,
BASK IN BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
- DID YA'LL FIGURE IT OUT? - YES.
- ALL RIGHT-- YOU?
- I'M THE MAID OF HONOR. - UH, SHE WAS FIRST.
SHE HAD THE, YOU KNOW, THE-THE LEGIT STUFF.
YOU GET THE FIVE-YEAR.
YOU GET THE TEN-YEAR-- AND WE'LL R-ROTATE.
[laughing] CHEERS, LADIES.
I LOVE IT. - WHOO-- WHOO!
- SO, WITH AS LITTLE FANFARE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE,
AMANDA FINALLY GIVES TABATHA HER DUE
AND THE TITLE OF MAID OF HONOR.
- I HAD A LOT OF FUN WATCHING THEM, YOU KNOW,
FIGHT OVER ME.
TABATHA HAS BEEN, I MEAN, SHE IS-SHE IS TAKING
THAT MAID OF HONOR THING SERIOUS.
I NEED SOMEBODY TO GET MY DRESS.
HELLO?
MY DRESS.
DRESS.
DRESS!
[sighs]
♪
- THE TIME HAS COME FOR AMANDA AND DEREK
TO RENEW THEIR VOWS.
BUT, SINCE THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE BUSY WALKING DOWN THE AISLE,
AMANDA AND HER DRESS WILL HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN WAY.
♪
[sighs]
LET'S JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND BREATHE.
LET'S JUST TAKE A MOMENT. - IS MY MAKE-UP OKAY?
- OH, YOU HAVE SOME TISSUES? - YEAH.
OH, THANK YOU.
- YOU READY? - YES-- THANK YOU.
- DEARLY BELOVED, WE HAVE COME TOGETHER IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD
TO WITNESS AND BLESS THE RENEWAL OF VOWS.
DEREK, YOU HAVE TAKEN AMANDA TO BE YOUR WIFE.
DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE HER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,
AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?
- I DO.
- GREAT.
- AMANDA, YOU HAVE TAKEN DEREK TO BE YOUR HUSBAND.
DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE HIM, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,
AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?
- YES, I DO.
- YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
[applause]
♪
- UGH!
- MAY I PRESENT TO YOU MR. AND MRS. DEREK [indistinct]?
[applause]
- I GOT MY MEMORIES.
YAY!
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU, TOO. - IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
- AND NOW THAT THE CEREMONY IS OVER,
IT'S TIME FOR THE PARTY OUR ZILLA
HAS SO PAINSTAKINGLY PLANNED EVERY LAST DETAIL.
- UM, WHO WANTS TO GO GET THE FOOD?
♪
WE WENT AND DID THE CEREMONY,
AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING AROUND AFTERWARDS.
I'M LIKE, "HEY, BY THE WAY, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE FOOD."
THIS HAS BEEN A VERY LONG PROCESS,
AND THIS DRESS IS VERY HEAVY.
IT SEEMED LIKE NOTHING WAS GOING RIGHT.
I WAS VERY FRANTIC, VERY FRUSTRATED,
UH, VERY OVERWHELMED.
THERE WAS SO MUCH TO DO.
- LIKE REMEMBERING THE FOOD AND BEVERAGES FOR YOUR GUESTS?
- OH, GOD! - WHERE IS IT?
- OH, GOD-- WE DON'T HAVE LEMONADE OR WATER.
[gasps] IT WAS SO MUCH AT ONCE.
AT ONE POINT, WELL, AT A LOT OF POINTS,
IT WAS LIKE, "FORGET THIS.
"THIS IS SO NOT WORTH IT."
UM, MOM, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
- A FEW LUCKY, LUCKY GUESTS ARE DISPATCHED.
AND SOON, IT'S ALMOST AS IF IT WERE A REAL SECOND WEDDING.
- OH.
♪
♪
DON'T USE THAT.
- GUESS THE COLOR WASN'T THE ONLY THING OFF ABOUT THE CANDY.
LET'S HOPE THE CAKE FARES A BIT BETTER.
- OKAY, EVERYBODY LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS CAKE BEFORE WE CUT IT!
♪
[indistinct chatter] - DID EVERYBODY SEE THE CAKE?
- YES. - YES.
- OKAY, 'CAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO DEVOUR IT.
- AH-AH-AH.
[applause]
- NOTHING SAYS I LOVE YOU MORE THAN A FORK STAB
TO THE FACE.
[gasps] - OH!
- I KNOW!
- YOU DID NOT MESS WITH THE DRESS!
- I DID.
[laughing] BOOM!
- JUST WHEN IT LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE
THAT COULD POSSIBLY GO AWRY-- - OH, MY GOSH!
YOU GUYS, I'M SO SORRY-- I TOTALLY FORGOT.
WE HAVE A-A REALLY GREAT ENDING TO EVERYTHING.
SO, WE'LL TAKE A STEP OUTSIDE.
SO, I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
TO RELEASE THESE LANTERNS.
ALL RIGHT.
OH!
FOR ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE CHILDREN OR KNOW CHILDREN,
THEY LOVE FLOATING LANTERNS.
I'M A BIG KID AT HEART.
WE JUST THOUGHT IT'D BE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL,
NOT YOUR TRADITIONAL THROWING RICE IN MY FACE,
'CAUSE I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR THAT.
- WHILE RICE MAY BE TOO TRADITIONAL FOR OUR ZILLA,
SHE MIGHT HAVE WANTED TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING
A LITTLE LESS FLAMMABLE.
[indistinct yelling]
[laughing] - WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
- FLOATING LANTERNS DON'T FLOAT.
THEY BURN.
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO FLY AWAY. - TURN THEM UPSIDE DOWN AND--
- AND LIKE A METAPHOR FOR THESE NUPTIALS,
AMANDA'S NON-FLOATING LANTERNS GO UP IN FLAMES.
- LANTERNS!
- ALL RIGHT-- EVERYBODY BACK UP, JUST IN CASE!
- AH! - OH-- OH!
OH!
- GOT IT? [laughing]
♪
- MAYBE SHE SHOULD'VE MARRIED A FIREMAN
INSTEAD OF A COP.
- REALLY, THE DRESS REALLY DID TURN OUT REALLY GOOD.
- IT DID, MINUS THE FLAMES THING.
- SHUT UP.
[laughing]
♪
- THIS WEDDING... THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS..."
- YOU ARE NOT A GOOD MAKEUP ARTIST.
- YOU'RE NOT A GOOD ANYTHING!
- DEKEYDRA AND ANGELINA GO HEAD TO HEAD...
- YOU TREAT ME LIKE [deleted]! [indistinct yelling]
- ...BUT, THIS ZILLA MIGHT LOSE MORE THAN JUST HER FRIEND.
- HURRY UP-- I'LL CUSS YOUR *** OUT.
- PLUS, JEALOUS DURAINE RULES WITH AN IRON FIST.
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- HEY! - AND A FEW OTHER BLUNT OBJECTS.
- OPEN YOUR MOUTH-- OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
- UH-UH.
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS."