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[Music] Any of you guys Disneyland fans here?
[Applause]
I'm a huge Disney nerd.
I'm wearing my Mickey Mouse D23 watch right now.
[laughter]
And uh, but here's the thing. We know that Disneyland, very expensive to go to.
You know, very very expensive.
And uh, I am a stockholder in the company.
I get the inside information about the inside ways they make money, that you don't even
realize when you're there.
So I wrote a little song about the secret ways they make money at Disneyland.
It's called The Happiest Place On Earth.
[Music] I took an early plane at 7:45
I drove up to the gate of that gleam in Mickey's eye
Gave the parking guy my wallet
And he sucked that puppy dry
Guess I'll hit the ATM inside
Of the Happiest Place on Earth
Where any discount that they offer is just a little joke
And you have to get a bank loan for a churro and a Coke
Mickey's got a strong *** hand
At Disneyland
I strolled on through the gate of that wondrous magic place
And I was met by a mouse up in my face
Now my wallet's gone without a trace
At the Happiest Place On Earth
Where all the birds look like they're talking
And plastic flowers bloom
Cuz Goofy's selling roofies inside the Tiki Room
Mickey's got a strong *** hand
At Disneyland
All I wanted was a t-shirt
Why oh why does my butt hurt
Minnie Mouse is a big flirt
Just put the money on the dresser
And if you can't pay your way in
Be aware of Mickey's hitmen
There's seven of the little kin
***, Grumpy, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, and Trigger Happy
[Laughter]
You guys have no idea how long it took me to learn that part.
I usually get ***, Gropey, and Dumpy in there.
I like Gropey. He's my favorite.
I took a, uh, there's a third verse to this.
I stepped onto a boat to hear the children sing
It's A Small World is such a sweet refrain
A bunch of them were making tennis shoes
At the Happiest Place on Earth
Until you lose all of your money
Playing cards with Donald Duck
And for just a little honey
Winnie the Pooh will get you a good...time
Mickey's got a strong *** hand at Disneyland
Mickey's got a strong *** hand at Disneyland
Don't end up in a shallow grave by a murderous little dwarf
At Disneyland
Alright, thanks you guys. My name is Phil Johnson. Have a good night.