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HONEY, I'M HOME.
GREAT ELDER, BY WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL THIS CHILD?
I DECREE THAT HENCEFORTH THIS CHILD SHALL BE CALLED, UH...
JOSHUA!
JOSHUA! NEXT!
JEEZ, FRAN. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
HE'S SO MUCH OLDER THAN THE OTHER KIDS.
HOW COULD WE HAVE FORGOTTEN TO NAME HIM?
IT'S BEEN A BUSY YEAR--
YOU LEARNED THE MATING DANCE, MOTHER MOVED IN,
THE KIDS GOT THAT PET CAVEMAN,
THERE WAS ROBBIE'S HOWLING, CHARLENE'S TAIL GREW IN,
WE WENT ON THAT GAME SHOW.
IT SEEMS NEARLY EVERY WEEK--
IT'S NO EXCUSE. WE SHOULD'VE REALIZED
WE'RE JUST CALLING HIM BABY ALL THE TIME.
MOVE IT!
EARL.
OH, SORRY. AHEM.
OH, GREAT ELDER,
BY WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL THIS CHILD?
GIVE ME A GOOD ONE.
I DECREE THAT HENCEFORTH
THIS CHILD SHALL BE CALLED--UGH!
SPIT IT OUT. I'M WAITING.
UGH! UGH!
UGH UGH.
I'M DYING, YOU IDIOT!
I'M DYING YOU IDIOT.
UGH UGH I'M DYING YOU IDIOT!
NEXT!
IT'S A SOLEMN DAY--
THE NATION MOURNS THE LOSS OF OUR CHIEF ELDER.
OUR BELOVED ELDER DIED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER NAMING THIS CHILD
UGH UGH I'M DYING YOU IDIOT SINCLAIR.
JEEZ, EARL.
WHAT IS THAT, ONE OF THOSE NEW TRENDY NAMES?
WITHIN MINUTES OF THE CHIEF ELDER'S DEATH,
ONE CANDIDATE STEPPED FORWARD,
NOMINATING HIMSELF FOR THE POST--
42-YEAR-OLD B.P. RICHFIELD OF THE WESAYSO CORPORATION,
WHO HAD THIS TO SAY...
SCRAM, YOU CHUNKS OF FILTH!
HE'LL NEED A BETTER SLOGAN THAN THAT.
NOW!
WHOA!
WHOA!
WHOA!
YOU BELLOWED, MY CAPTAIN.
AS MOST OF YOU INBRED, GREEN-GARBAGE PROBABLY HEARD,
THERE'S GOING TO BE AN ELECTION FOR ELDER,
AND I'VE DECIDED TO RUN.
MY DELIGHT IS LIMITED
ONLY BY MY ABSOLUTE TERROR, SIR.
UNFORTUNATELY, MY HANDLERS TELL ME
I HAVE A PERSONALITY PROBLEM.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD BE.
I'M SPEAKING!
APPARENTLY, THE BIG MONEY INTERESTS WHO CONTROL MY PARTY
FEEL I COME OFF A BIT, UM, ABRASIVE ON TV.
OH.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
FORTUNATELY, THE BIG MONEY INTERESTS WHO CONTROL MY PARTY
ALSO CONTROL THE OTHER PARTY,
SO ALL I GOT TO DO IS FIND AN OPPOSING CANDIDATE
SO UTTERLY PATHETIC AND PROFOUNDLY STUPID
THAT I CAN'T HELP BUT WIN.
THE QUESTION IS-- WHICH ONE DO I CHOOSE?
THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES...
BUT WHO'S THE STUPIDEST?
ALL RIGHT, COME ON. WHO IS IT?
WHOA.
WHOA, NOT ME.
ALL RIGHT, THE NEXT ONE TO SAY SOMETHING ASININE
HAS TO RUN AGAINST ME.
UM...
UM...
HOW ASININE DOES IT HAVE TO BE, SIR?
HUH?
AH HA HA!
CONGRATULATIONS, SINCLAIR. YOU'RE NOMINATED!
HA HA HA!
♪ ROBBIE BOBBIE BO BOBBIE ♪
♪ BANANA FANA FO FOBBIE ♪
♪ MEE MY MO MOBBIE ♪
♪ ROBBIE ♪
YEAH.
NOW IT'S MY TURN.
O.K.
O.K.
♪ UGH UGH I'M DYING YOU IDIOT ♪
♪ BUGH BUGH I'M DYING YOU BIDIOT ♪
♪ MUGH MUGH I'M DYING YOU MIDIOT ♪
♪ IDIOT ♪
♪ IDIOT ♪
UGH...
UGH...
SORRY.
SORRY.
THIS NAME COULD BE VERY TRAUMATIC FOR THE BABY.
LOTS OF KIDS HAVE GOTTEN BAD NAMES FROM THE ELDER
AND GONE ON TO LIVE PERFECTLY NORMAL LIVES--
LIKE YOUR COUSIN AH-CHOO.
I JUST REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL
HOW WE USED TO TEASE POOR [BURP] EXCUSE ME SIEGELMAN.
CHILDREN CAN BE SO CRUEL.
[BURP] EXCUSE ME SIEGELMAN.
HA HA! WHAT A LOSER!
YOU CAN ALWAYS APPLY FOR A NEW NAME
FROM THE CHIEF ELDER AS SOON AS HE'S ELECTED.
YES, BUT IF MR. RICHFIELD WINS,
I WORRY WHAT KIND OF WORLD WE'LL LEAVE
FOR POOR UGH UGH I'M DYING YOU IDIOT.
HELLO, HELLO, FAMILY OF MINE.
I HAVE SOME INFORMATION WHICH MAY INTEREST YOU.
TODAY I HEARD THE CALL OF CIVIC DUTY
AND ANNOUNCED MY CANDIDACY FOR CHIEF ELDER.
YOU'RE RUNNING AGAINST MR. RICHFIELD?
DAD, THAT'S REALLY BRAVE.
LOOK, THE NEWS IS ON.
I THINK WE'LL FIND I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL.
WOW!
OH!
UM, MY NAME IS...
EARL SINCLAIR.
I AM RUNNING FOR CHIEF ELDER.
IN LIEU OF ACCEPTANCE SPEECH,
I WOULD LIKE TO SING YOU A MUSICAL SELECTION
CHOSEN ESPECIALLY FOR THIS OCCASION.
YOU'RE GOING TO SING?
YEAH, IT WAS MR. RICHFIELD'S IDEA.
WHAT?
♪ HOW LOVELY TO BE A WOMAN ♪
♪ THE WAIT WAS WELL WORTHWHILE ♪
♪ HOW LOVELY TO WEAR MASCARA ♪
♪ AND SMILE A WOMAN'S SMILE ♪
IS HE REALLY DOING WHAT I THINK HE'S DOING?
♪ THAT'S ROUND INSTEAD OF FLAT ♪
♪ WHENEVER YOU HEAR BOYS WHISTLE ♪
♪ YOU'RE WHAT THEY'RE WHISTLING AT ♪
♪ IT'S WONDERFUL TO FEEL ♪
♪ THE WAY A WOMAN FEELS ♪
♪ IT GIVES YOU SUCH A GLOW ♪
♪ JUST TO KNOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE WEARING LIPSTICK AND HEELS ♪
OH, COME ON, KIDS. LET'S PACK.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT? THAT PART'S FOR A MEZZO.
WHAT KIND OF SPEECH IS THAT?
IT'S THE ONE MR. RICHFIELD GAVE ME.
BUT YOU'RE RUNNING AGAINST HIM?
I KNOW. HE CHOOSE ME OVER EVERYONE AT WORK.
HE PICKED YOU TO LOSE?
UNDER OUR SYSTEM,
A GUY CAN'T JUST MUSCLE HIS WAY IN
WITHOUT ANY OPPOSITION.
WE'RE REQUIRED BY OUR CONSTITUTION
TO LET THE VOTERS THINK THEY HAVE A CHOICE.
HOW COULD YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF,
HELPING MR. RICHFIELD GET ELECTED?
I CAN LIVE FINE, JUST LIKE A KING.
DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK OR PUSH DOWN TREES.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS RUN FOR ELDER
AND LOSE, LOSE, LOSE.
[TV ANNOUNCER] IT'S MORNING IN PANGAEA,
BUT ONE DINOSAUR IS HARD AT WORK
FINDING SOLUTIONS FOR A BETTER TOMORROW--
B.P. RICHFIELD.
WHETHER RUNNING A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR CORPORATION,
CHOPPING WOOD LIKE A REGULAR GUY...
UGH!
OR SHARING GOOD CHEER WITH SIMPLE WORKING FOLK,
B.P. RICHFIELD SHOWS THAT HE CARES.
THE GUYS AT WORK
SEE HIM AS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY.
HE COMES TO MY HOUSE ALL THE TIME.
MY WIFE CALLS HIM "HONEY." MY KIDS CALL HIM "DADDY."
ON TONIGHT'S NEWS-MAKER INTERVIEW,
B.P. RICHFIELD TALKS TO OUR OWN VENERABLE, REVERED SENIOR COMMENTATOR
EDWARD R. HERO. EDWARD.
THANK YOU, HOWARD.
MR. RICHFIELD, IN THE LAST 24 HOURS,
YOUR PUBLIC IMAGE HAS UNDERGONE A RADICAL TRANSFORMATION
FROM A SAVAGE, BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER
TO A KINDER, GENTLER B.P. RICHFIELD.
ISN'T THIS JUST A SHAMELESS, CYNICAL PLOY
TO TRICK THE PUBLIC INTO LOVING YOU?
OH, ED. NOT AT ALL.
BY THE WAY, DID YOU GET THOSE FLOWERS I SENT YOU?
WHY, UH, YES, THEY'RE LOVELY. THANK YOU.
OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
MR. RICHFIELD, I UNDERSTAND YOU FAVOR HEAVY TAXATION FOR THE POOR
AND NO TAXES AT ALL FOR THE RICH.
I CALL IT MY TRICKLE-DOWN THEORY.
RICH FOLKS TEND TO LIVE IN BIG HILLTOP HOUSES,
SO IF WE GIVE THEM ALL THE MONEY,
SOME OF IT'S BOUND TO SLIP OUT OF THEIR POCKETS
AND ROLL DOWN TO WHERE THE POOR FOLKS ARE.
I--I SEE. AHEM.
MR. RICHFIELD, YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE THE EDUCATION ELDER,
AND YET, YOU FAVOR THE REPEAL OF ALL CHILD LABOR LAWS.
ABSOLUTELY. CHILDREN LOVE TO WORK.
IT'S LIKE A GAME--
GETTING ALL DIRTY DOWN IN A WESAYSO COAL MINE,
AND BECAUSE THEY'RE SMALL,
YOU CAN FIT MORE OF THEM IN A TIGHT SPACE.
YOUR AVERAGE 6-YEAR-OLD
CAN WORK 18 HOURS A DAY WITHOUT REST.
HELLO?
FRAN? ROBBIE?
CHARLENE?
OH. WHAT'S ALL THIS FUZZY STUFF?
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
MAYBE THIS IS A DREAM.
MMM.
OH, THIS IS THE CAKE DREAM.
[DING ***!]
OH, THAT'LL BE THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS.
FRAN?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
THE CENTERFOLD GIRLS AREN'T COMING.
OH, BUT THIS IS MY CAKE DREAM.
YOUR CONSCIENCE IS INTRUDING.
YOU KNOW YOU DON'T DESERVE THE CAKE DREAM.
COME WITH ME.
OH, JEESH!
[BABY] AH-CHOO!
WE LIVE OUT HERE NOW.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOUSE?
WE HAD TO SELL THE HOUSE TO BUY FOOD
WHEN MR. RICHFIELD
LOWERED THE MINIMUM WAGE TO 2 CENTS A DAY.
MR. RICHFIELD? YOU MEAN HE WAS ELECTED?
THAT'S RIGHT, EARL.
AH-CHOO!
OH, STARVING. UH, GIVE ME FOOD.
GIVE ME MONEY. GIVE ME SHELTER.
THESE CHILDREN LIVING ON THE STREET ARE SUCH A NUISANCE.
THEY WOULDN'T LIVE IN A HOUSE IF YOU GAVE THEM ONE.
THANKS FOR NOTHING!
HOW WILL WE FEED THE FAMILY?
DON'T WORRY. I GOT IT COVERED.
BLESS YOU, SON. YOU BROUGHT US ALL FOOD.
THAT'S NOT FOOD. THAT'S MY PANCREAS.
I CAN GET GOOD MONEY FOR IT AT THE HOSPITAL.
WHAT'S THAT?
MY PANCREAS.
I'M STARVING. GIVE IT TO ME!
ROBBIE, I WANT YOUR SPLEEN!
FRAN, HOW DID ALL THIS HAPPEN?
THIS IS THE LIFE YOU'VE MADE FOR US.
YOU SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR CONSCIENCE.
OH...
SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR CONSCIENCE.
OH...
SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOUR CONSCIENCE.
AAH!
EARL, WHAT IS IT, EARL?
FRAN, I CAN'T DO IT, FRAN.
HUH?
I CAN'T LET HIM WIN.
I'VE GOT TO TRY AND BEAT HIM.
I'M THE ONLY HOPE FOR OUR NATION'S FUTURE.
EARL SINCLAIR'S CAMPAIGN FOR ELDER
HAS BEGUN TO TURN ITSELF AROUND.
AFTER AN ASTOUNDINGLY INANE BEGINNING,
SINCLAIR HAS PUT THE DINOSAUR COMMUNITY ON NOTICE
HE'S A CANDIDATE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
HE'LL BE SPEAKING TONIGHT FROM HIS MODEST SUBURBAN HOME
WITH OUR OWN EDWARD R. HERO.
THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU TONIGHT, EARL?
NEVER BETTER, ED. MAYBE A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS.
DON'T WORRY, EARL. JUST A FEW SIMPLE QUESTIONS.
RELAX AND HAVE FUN WITH IT.
O.K.
OVER THE LAST SEVEN YEARS,
OUR NATION'S BUDGET DEFICIT HAS GROWN 46%
FROM $220 BILLION TO 372 BILLION.
AT THE CURRENT GROWTH RATE OF 12.3% PER MONTH,
OUR DEFICIT CAN BE EXPECTED TO REACH 436 BILLION
BY NEXT YEAR.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ABOUT THIS?
AH!
MR. SINCLAIR,
MR. SINCLAIR?
UH, UH... WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WELL...
I...
HEY, DEEP BREATHS, PALLY-BOY, DEEP BREATHS.
OH, ROY. I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T DO IT.
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, PALLY-BOY.
WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU.
YOU GOT TO BEAT MR. RICHFIELD NOW.
THESE QUESTIONS ARE HARD.
HE'S GOING TO KNOW I DIDN'T STUDY.
THIS WAS MUCH EASIER TRYING TO LOSE.
EASY DOES IT.
TAKE A TIP FROM SOME OF THE MORE SUCCESSFUL POLITICIANS.
WHEN ASKED A TOUGH QUESTION,
SIMPLY STEER THE CONVERSATION
TO ONE OF THREE SAFE TOPICS--
LOVE OF FAMILY, LOVE OF COUNTRY, AND PUPPIES.
OH, COME ON, ROY.
THAT'S SO CONDESCENDING. IT'S SO CYNICAL.
I REFUSE TO SINK THAT LOW.
THIS COUNTRY'S CURRENTLY RUNNING A MASSIVE BUDGET DEFICIT,
WHICH CAN ONLY BE ADDRESSED UNPOPULARLY BY RAISING TAXES.
HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH THIS POLITICALLY EXPLOSIVE DILEMMA?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING. MY FAMILY IS FINE.
MR. SINCLAIR, I'M WAITING FOR AN ANSWER.
DO YOU SEE HIGHER TAXES AHEAD OR NOT?
FIRST THERE'S MY SON ROBERT, THE OLDEST BOY.
HE'S QUITE A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK.
HOW'S THE TEAM DOING THIS YEAR?
WHAT TEAM?
HA HA!
THEN THERE'S LITTLE CHARLENE.
SHE'S AT A DANCE TONIGHT.
DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE, HONEY,
AND THEN THERE'S MY DARLING LITTLE BABY
UGH UGH I'M DYING YOU IDIOT.
EASY, EASY, EASY, EASY.
WHO LOVES YOU, BABY?
HOPE YOU LOSE.
AAH! AGAIN!
MR. SINCLAIR, YOUR FAMILY IS VERY NICE,
BUT WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION?
YES, ED. THIS IS A GREAT COUNTRY,
IT HAS A GREAT FLAG,
AND I DON'T CARE WHO HEARS ME SAY IT.
ISN'T IT CHILLY IN HERE?
MR. SINCLAIR, YOU HAVE CONSISTENTLY AVOIDED ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS.
IT'S BECOMING OBVIOUS YOU KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT THE SUBSTANTIVE ISSUES OF THIS ELECTION.
THANKS FOR MENTIONING THAT, ED.
YES, IT IS TRUE. I DO ADORE PUPPIES,
AND HERE'S THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE SINCLAIR FAMILY.
WE CALL HIM CHECKERS.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT OUR DNN INSTANTANEOUS NEWS POLL.
PRIOR TO THE INTERVIEW YOU JUST SAW,
HERE'S HOW THINGS STOOD WITH RICHFIELD LEADING SINCLAIR BY 93 POINTS.
AFTER SINCLAIR'S INTERVIEW TONIGHT,
WE SEE THAT PANGAEANS EVERYWHERE...
FELL FOR IT.
♪ I'M GONNA RUN THE COUNTRY ♪
♪ I'M GONNA RUN THE COUNTRY ♪
♪ YES, YES, YES, OH, YES ♪
♪ I'M GONNA RUN THE COUNTRY ♪
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
NOT A WORD. I DON'T WANT YOU THINKING.
DON'T THINK UP SOME STUPID REASON
WHY ME BEING CHIEF ELDER ISN'T GREAT.
EARL, I THINK WE SHOULD LISTEN TO ROBBIE.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
WITH ALL DAD'S TALK ABOUT THE FLAG AND PUPPIES,
EVERYBODY'S VOTING FOR HIM FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
MAYBE KNOWING HOW TO WIN AN ELECTION
ISN'T THE SAME AS KNOWING HOW TO RUN A COUNTRY.
WELL, THERE HE GOES.
I WAS UP. NOW I'M DOWN.
HE'S RAINED ON MY PARADE BY THROWING TRUTH IN MY FACE.
EARL, ROBBIE'S GIVEN US SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
WHY DON'T WE ALL JUST SLEEP ON IT?
NO, I'LL HAVE SOME DREAM THAT'LL RUIN MY LIFE.
YOU NEED YOUR SLEEP FOR THE DEBATE TOMORROW.
FORGET IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP.
I'M GOING TO STAY RIGHT HERE
WIDE AWAKE, EYES OPEN, WITHOUT SLEEPING.
NO SLEEPING FOR ME.
DADDY.
HMM?
NIGHTY-NIGHT.
OW!
OH, JEEZ.
DOOO-ING!
WHOA! WHOA, WHERE AM I?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, NO. IT'S THAT FUZZY STUFF AGAIN.
O.K., CONSCIENCE, WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?
WELCOME TO THE CAVE OF DESTINY, MR. ELDER.
IF YOU'LL STEP THIS WAY.
MR. ELDER? YOU MEAN I WON?
WHOA, THIS IS A GOOD DREAM.
OH, LOOK. I GET A DESK. NEAT-O.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S THE RED BUTTON
TO LAUNCH A FULL-SCALE WAR AGAINST OUR ENEMIES.
ONLY YOU CAN PUSH IT.
OH, WELL. MAYBE I'LL PUSH IT,
AND MAYBE I WON'T.
THIS REQUIRES YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION, SIR!
WHAT DOES?
OUR ENEMIES HAVE PLACED STRATEGIC WEAPONS
60 MILES FROM OUR BORDERS!
IF WE DON'T THREATEN THEM,
WE'RE VULNERABLE TO A FIRST STRIKE!
IF WE ATTACK, OUR PLANET WOULD BE DESTROYED.
WHERE WOULD WE LIVE?
IN TWO HOURS, THE MARKET'S PLUNGED 500 POINTS!
THEY'RE EXPECTING A RUN ON THE BANKS!
WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
I COULD HUG A PUPPY.
THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL TRAPPED IN A WELL!
SHE'S NEEDS YOUR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT!
UH, YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A WELL? OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE!
WE NEED A DECISION NOW!
THE MARKET DROPPED ANOTHER 100 POINTS!
TIME'S RUNNING OUT FOR BECKY-SUE!
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE LUNCH?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST AN ORDINARY GUY!
WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
[ALARM SOUNDS]
OOPS.
OH, NO. AND ON MY FIRST DAY.
YA-AAH-AAH!
GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S ELECTION EVE DEBATE--
THE FINAL HURDLE IN THE RACE FOR CHIEF ELDER.
HERE'S OUR MODERATOR,
OUR VENERABLE POLITICAL PUNDIT,
THE CRUSTY AND AVUNCULAR EDWARD R. HERO.
THANK YOU, HOWARD. WE'LL BEGIN WITH MR. SINCLAIR.
IN THE PAST YEAR,
OUR NATION'S UNEMPLOYMENT RATE HAS RISEN TO 14%.
WHAT STEPS WOULD YOU TAKE TO CURB THIS TREND?
LET ME BEGIN BY MAKING A GENERAL STATEMENT.
I'D MAKE A TERRIBLE ELDER.
IT'D BE A MISTAKE TO ELECT ME. I'M COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT.
UH, UH, IN REBUTTAL,
LET ME SAY THAT I AGREE WITH HIM 100%.
MR. SINCLAIR, DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
NOT USUALLY. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
ARE YOU ASKING YOUR SUPPORTERS TO VOTE FOR MR. RICHFIELD?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I MAY BE A ***, BUT HE'S ABSOLUTE EVIL.
EVIL? WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU BACK-STABBING BUCKET OF ***?
YOU ARE EVIL, AND YOU KNOW IT.
YOU'VE TOLD ME SO LOTS OF TIMES.
HE PICKED ME TO RUN AGAINST HIM.
HE SAID I HAD TO LOSE.
AAH! SINCLAIR, I'LL KILL YOU!
LET ME AT HIM!
AAH!
I'LL PULL YOUR HEAD OFF AND BOWL WITH IT!
LET ME AT HIM!
MMM, MMM, MMM.
WHAT AN APPALLING DISPLAY.
THE VOTERS OF THIS NATION ARE PRESENTED WITH A CHOICE
BETWEEN A MONSTROUS, BLOODTHIRSTY PSYCHOPATH
AND A SELF-CONFESSED BRAIN-DEAD IGNORAMUS.
WHAT WILL FUTURE GENERATIONS THINK OF US
THAT WE CANNOT PRESENT THE PUBLIC
WITH BETTER ALTERNATIVES THAN THESE?
SURELY, SOMEWHERE THERE MUST EXIST A LEADER
WITH THE INTELLIGENCE, VISION, AND DECENCY
TO GUIDE OUR NATION.
I'M EDWARD R. HERO. BE SURE YOU VOTE TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK.
THE POLLS HAVE JUST CLOSED.
TURNOUT WAS LIGHT, BUT THE RETURNS ARE COMING IN.
DOES DADDY HAVE A CHANCE?
I CONFESSED I WAS A *** ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.
YOU COULD STILL WIN, EARL. LOTS OF *** VOTE,
AND THEY NEED REPRESENTATION, TOO.
AND HERE ARE THE FINAL RESULTS...
40,019 VOTERS CHOSE EARL SINCLAIR.
YAHOO!
YEAH!
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
AND 60,304 VOTES FOR B.P. RICHFIELD.
OH...
OH...
WAIT. I THINK THAT'S MORE.
ONE MOMENT.
I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED
THAT THERE'S BEEN A LANDSLIDE WRITE-IN VOTE
OF 2,300,012 VOTES
FOR VETERAN DNN NEWS COMMENTATOR EDWARD R. HERO.
THAT'S YOU, EDWARD. ANY COMMENT?
ONCE AGAIN, A BORED AND APATHETIC ELECTORATE HAS BEEN FORCED TO--
HUH?
WELL, DRESS ME UP AND CALL ME SALLY.
I'M THE NEW ELDER.
HMM, MAYBE THE SYSTEM DOES WORK, AFTER ALL.
COME ON, EARL. DON'T BE A SORE LOSER.
I THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
OH, GREAT ELDER, BY WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL THIS CHILD?
I DECREE THAT HENCEFORTH THIS CHILD SHALL BE CALLED, UH...
I'M THE BABY. GOTTA LOVE ME.
HMM, BABY.
BABY SINCLAIR. YES, IT SORT OF FITS.
BABY SINCLAIR.
BABY SINCLAIR!
BABY? EARL, WHAT A WONDERFUL NAME!
BABY.
BABY.
BABY? I COULD HAVE DONE THIS JOB!