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After the infamous infant violation at Station Square Mall,
both Eggmen were sentenced to nine months in an adult correctional facility.
Now that their time has been served, the two prepare for a festive fondling,
corrupting kids and general genital escapades.
And here are your belongings.
Welcome back to the real world, boys. -- *** you! We just want to go back to
prison. -- Sorry, but you're no longer incarcerated. We can't just throw people that have
served their time back in the hole. -- Will you throw us back in if we
throw our hands into your hole? -- Go! Just go!
Well, Classic Robotnik, it looks like our time for public indecency is over.
***! That was a blast! I'm gonna miss all the boys. Heh, heh, yeah.
Yeah, they gave some pretty good ***.
You're gonna make me tear up! -- No worries!
We can always go back.
Christmas is almost here! And I'm sure that elf will let be Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus
again.
Holy ***! That's a brilliant idea! How come I never thought of that before?
Right this way, children!
Come on! Come sit on Santa's lap! Heh,
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, everybody! Ha! Ha! Ha! -- Hey, Elf! How's it goin'?
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no!
Is this really happening? -- You bet your little peoples' rights, it is!
I knew this was gonna happen! Don't step any closer! I've put a restraining order on the
both of you so you can't come within three hundred meters! -- I'm *** in your chimney!
Wh-what do you think you're doing?!
With just one call, I can have security come over here and throw you out!
Throwing us out won't cut it! How hard is it to understand? Do I look like I give a ***?
Now, be a good boy and do us a favor... If it means being Santa again this year, forget it!
I've planned ahead and got-- *** ALL Y'ALL! You can't see dis *** no 'mo!
("Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer)
Mister Obama, you did great!
Dr. Eggnigger was defeated because of you! I love how you ran at the speed of sound into his base
and did a spin dash on his neither regions causing his *** with
*** and thus killing him!
Read that *** a little closer. -- Huh?
-- What are you talking about? -- For ***'s sake, ***! Just read the ***' paper!
Well, what does it ***' say? -- Well, uh...
It says Sonic was the one that defeated Eggman! Grr!
Aaagh!
Look! I think this kind of ***'s going to catch on with today's youth! -- You stupid ***! Where have you been? -- I've just about had it with your verbal abuse, you fat ***!
Stop *** yelling! -- Oh! Sorry, master! -- Do you know who I am? I'm the *** president!
I can have your *** executed.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Please don't execute me!
I'll start putting the seat down! And I'll even get rid of those Mexicans that keep selling enchiladas in front of
the White House!
I'll say, "Hey, you ***' spics! Get out-- get out of America and go back to India!
Important callers are waiting on customer support!" -- Okay! Shut the *** up!
Stay calm.
I won't execute you.
Mister Obama, if we don't do something about Sonic,
you're never going to win the third term!
They're going to elect Sonic as the 45th president of the United States!
Oh, yeah?
What makes Sonic a better candidate than me?
How could he turn the recession around like me?
What does he know about the GDP?
Can he come up with laws that never get passed congress like me?! -- You're right!
He could never beat you at that stuff, master! You know what?
To celebrate, I'm going to hold you a birthday party on Thursday.
But I wasn't even born in April. -- It doesn't matter. I'll invite Sonic to the party, too.
He'll be the guest of honor!
I'll take pictures of you two together and upload them to the White House's Livejournal!
Whatever! Do what'cha want.
I don't have anything planned that day, anyway.
Hey, Sonic! You have an important letter that came in the mail!
Whoa! It's from President Obama!
Let's see here.
"You are cordially invited to President Barack "Islam" Obama's 52nd birthday party
Where... p...
...Pinatas will be smashed,
candles will be blown out, and hot, smelly *** will commence on the president's desk.
You can invite as many friends as you'd like. The more, the merrier!"
Eh, it doesn't sound all that interesting to me. ***! --But look closer, you autistic old ***! ***, why do we live with you?
"We will have cake, pie,
punch, and..."
Oh my God!
"Sandwiches"! They're going to have sandwiches, Billy!
Well, pack your bags.
Looks like we're going to the Green House!
Yeah!!
Aw, ***! I hope they have KFC. I can see it now...
And I hope they have a Russian translator!
Ohhh, yeah.
Oh, baby.
'Sup, fuckas?
Hey, Sonic!
Listen to this!
You got a letter saying you were invited to the president's birthday party on Thursday!
Really?
Yeah, and it says all of us can go, too!
So, let me get this straight.
You opened my personal mail and just invited yourselves to an event
that was meant for me, without my permission?
Well, when you put it like that... -- Wow, *** you, too!
Just for that, I'm no going. -- Hey, come on! I'll give you $200 if you go!
Sounds like a good offer,
but I actually have a date with my girlfriend.
You? A girlfriend? Really? Ha! Ha! Ha!
Yeah, her name's Helen.
Helen? You mean that handicapped girl in my class?
Yeah. That's the one. It all started the other day when I went for a run...
(struggling grunts)
(struggling grunts continue)
Upsie-daisy!
Thank you.
You saved my life.
Whoa! Heh, heh.
What the *** is wrong with you? Who are you, anyway?
I'm...
H-Helen,
and you,
you're Sonic, right?
Hell yeah, ***!
I don't know how I got here. I was camping with my parents, and then-- -- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(sobbing) -- Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Hey, Helen? -- Yeah?
Can you say "Timmy" for me?
"Timmy."
I have a secret.
And what would that be?
I like you. -- I... wow. But, I...
Um...
I've never been in a relationship before.
Neither have I,
but I want to give it a try.
You make my pee pee
tingle and get all squishy.
And you make my pee pee hard.
I'm so happy.
I am too. H-Helen?
Yes,
Sanic?
It's "Sonic."
Helen, will you... -- Will I what?
W-will you...
What?
I'm sorry. I've never done this before.
It's okay. It's not like I'm gonna say no.
Will you... Well...
There's some cool places to hang out, and, um...
Would you want to go to them?
Of course, Manic!
...And here I am.
I was going to take her to Ihop but I decided not to because she'd never get in.
So I told her we'd go on a picnic and then a boat ride. Ah! That reminds me!
I need to prep!
Hey, Chuck! I need one lifejacket in case the boat subsides because I can't swim.
It's in the garage. -- I also need a boat.
It's in the garage. -- I also need a dead baby.
It's in the garage. -- I also need a ***.
It's in the trash.
This is some *** ***! Sonic is MY man! ***' stupid dankass hoe. -- Sand, sand, sandwich!
("Happy Birthday" by Justin Bieber)
Okay! Looks like the party's getting started! Look, everybody! I can make fart sounds with my hands!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
-- Hey, Sonic's finally here!
Ha! Ha! Yes!
Heh, heh.
Thank you for coming, Sonic.
Please come right-- wait. Where the hell is Sonic?
Do I look like I *** know anything?
WHAT?! -- Sandwiches! -- Kentucky Fried Chicken, here I come! -- Alcohol! -- Naked Russian pirates! Naked Russian pirates!
If Sonic's not showing up, I'm not interested.
Yeah. My *** is only hard for Sonic.
Hey, wait! Wait! Please stay!
At least those other furries that came here look like Sonic, right?
-- But it's not Sonic! -- Yeah! It's not Sonic! -- Okay! Okay! I promise he'll be here!
Stick around a bit longer!
I'll reimburse your time by giving you lots of the world's finest alcohol.
You'll get super shitfaced! -- Umm, okay. -- You better not be lying, *** face! -- I promise!
Hey, you guys! Don't just stand there like stupid British ***! Go find me Sonic
or you're all DEAD! You hear me?! -- Yes, sir!
(ringing)
Hello? Thorndyke residence? -- Yes, this is Ella. How are you?
Um, I'm fine. I just kind of need to talk to Sonic. -- (Grunt)
Huh? -- Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's nothing. What the-- what can I help you with?
Don't you worry.
Is Sonic there? -- (shriek)
Okay, what the *** are you doing?
Are you taking a ***? -- Yeah, I am.
Sorry. Sonic's not here from what I can tell. Um, may I take a message for you? -- If he comes back, tell him he MUST attend the president's bithday party! -- Well, *** you too, you American slimeball!
Mister Obama! Chris' father was VERY rude to me!
Recall the troops from Afghanistan.
Send all of our armed forces.
Make sure you get a full military pursuit on his ***. Nobody messes up my birthday party! -- (Stupid ringtone from a stupid show)
Yes, Mr. Hagel?
H-hey, man! What's up? Listen, I just bought this really good song off iTunes,
and I want you to come over later so we can listen to it together in my bathtub. -- Send out a
Super Special Sonic Search & Smash Squad!
Bring him to the White House ALIVE!
Mmm... okay.
Damn, Helen! I be lovin' dem curves! Your *** is fat! -- (wet flatulence) I made a poopie.
Yeah, that was my favorite part of Katawa Shoujo. (inhale)
Awwwwwwwww...
YeeEEEeeeEEEEeeaaaaAAAAaaaAAAaaah. -- You're such a gentleman, Sonic. You know how to make a girl feel special.
And not special ed. -- Yeah, I can be suave as ***.
Ladies all be wantin' some of dis! -- And now you're mine! You and me... Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
Word! Hey, you wanna know my favorite part on a woman?
...What?
Her legs. So shapely, so smooth...
So graceful...
No! No! That's a good thing! Hey,
at least you have some!
I mean, you could've come out of your mom's butt like Bob Oblong.
(Not even the caption team would comprehend what is being said here -- ed.)
Exactly.
And you also can't run from my love. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.
I like it when
you talk down to me. -- ***, I haven't even started!
Stop or I'm gonna get wetter than my b-b-bowel movements.
Helen,
I wrote you a song.
Wha, really?
Yeah.
♪ You light me up and then I'll fall for you ♫
♪ You lay me down and then I'll call for you ♫
♪ Stumbling on reasons that are far and few... ♫
♪ And then let it all come down and mend some for you... ♫
♪ Pretty baby, don't you leave me. I have been saving smiles for you ♫
♪ Pretty baby, why can't you see? You're the-- -- (Sobbing) -- Huh? Hey! What the *** was that for?
-- (Sobbing continues) -- Calm down, calm down! Hey, ***! Seriously! I don't got a problem smackin' a ***.
Kidnappin', attackin' with axes 'n ***.
You know my eyes no work!
You know my eyes no work! You make fun of me!
*** it!
Okay, okay, okay. Let's... let's go out on a boat ride.
YAAEEY.
Now this isn't so bad, is it? -- It fun.
Say, since I'm *** you and all, I think I should ask you about your padres.
What's your dad like? -- He's a *** ***.
I never see him. (The irony. -- ed.)
Always working overtime...
Hey, Mr. Keller. Uh, you know, y-you work a *** lot.
I-I-I kind of need to give some of these hours to other workers. -- Oh, yeah? Like who?
Like, um.... Minorities?
*** those ***!
This job is mine! -- I like your enthusiasm! Yeah!
*** those ***!! Heh, hah! -- Yeeeaaaah!! -- Yeeeeeeeeaaaaah.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah!! -- Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah. -- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-- AGH I *** GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE, *** IT.
Sounds like a cool guy.
Wha? Huh?
We have located Sonic the Hedgenigger.
What's goin' on?
Did someone move the furniture?
You're coming with us.
We know how much Nickelback you've pirated.
Return Nickelback's hard-earned money or suffer the consequences! -- You'll never take me alive!! -- We're taking you alive!
Poopie! Poopie!!!
Hey, this is fun! -- Shut up!! No, it's not! We have no other choice...
I'm at Disney World!!! -- NO! You're not!!
♪ It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all ♫ -- Stop it! I can't take this anymore!!
We gotta jet! -- ♪ Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa ♫
♪ Strong as ten regular men ♫
Whoa! -- Whoa!!
We're gonna fall! We're gonna fall! We're gonna fall!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Hold on a second!
♪ Oh, I just can't wait to be
king! Everybody look left ♫
♪ Everybody look right ♫
Whew! That was a close one!
I'm glad you're okay, Helen.
Had you lost another sense I'd practically be *** a corpse.
I eat dead babies. -- ...What?
We're approaching the hedgehog and fast. 10-4 -- Gotta go!
Oh, *** it! Why's it so *** hard to catch a small animal and a handicapped little girl?
Hey! I need more beer!
I wish this place had public bathrooms.
I hope they're okay with me *** my pants here at the table. -- Way ahead of ya, Billy!
Alright, men! We have to take drastic measures if we wanna catch that hedgehog!
This is unprecedented! We have to rely on none other than the "Star Wars Geeks."
I am a werewolf!
I like to make werewolf movies! Wow, we almost died back there.
I could feel the projectiles
but that was so worth it.
YOLO! -- You oughta look out.
My eyes no work. -- Yeah, neither do the blacks that live next-door to me.
So, are you, like...
...gonna pull down my ***? -- Yeah, but hold on. We've got company. -- Oliver & Company, yaaaaay!
My pee pee is fluffy and kinda stinky. -- Stop! I can't really run with a ***!
*** my life!
Just you hold on a second! Whaaa! ***!
Heh!
Serves you right, ***!
My spidey senses tingling.
Whoa. -- Whoa.
(More incomprehensible garbage -- ed.) -- Looks like more are comin'.
Hang on, ***! -- Whoa!
Whoa!!!
Wow.
DAMN IT!!!
Rofl!
What a nice view.
I can't see.
I know. It's okay.
Just feel my ***.
I made another poopie
from my daddy hole! -- I like where this is going.
Huh?
Stop what you're doing.
Unhand that animal. -- *** it, man! I'm just tryin' to get laid!
What? What's happening, Sonia?
We're not gonna let you pound that ***! -- See ya, cuntheads!
A persistent bunch, they are!
Why'd we stop?
Water, Helen. Water. -- We've got you surrounded.
Sonic,
You are under arrest recanting for attempting *** in a public place.
(We believe Helen is making animal noises. -- ed.)
Get him!!
Hijack time!
Hijack time again! -- Come 'ere, you! -- Call me, maybe!
We are in a plane? Can you fly dis thing?
Nope, but don't worry. It's not September yet.
My wheelchair!
***! I can't keep up with
my Carlos Mencia routine!
I'm running out of stolen material! -- Howdy ho, fagteats!
-- Howdy ho, fagteats! -- Sonic!!
He's finally here! Everybody, get over here! Sonic's finally showed up!
Put 'er there, brotha.
Guys! Sonic! He-- sdihfuhdh! Aw, crap! Aw, ***!
Heart attack!!!
He's dead.
And then Sonic let me touch his wee wee! It was
SO hype! -- Oh, how wonderful!
Dad, it's not as big as yours. -- Whew! That's a relief! -- Hun, will you help me in the head-giving room for a second? -- Sure, sugartits!
Hurry back!
Hurry back! I haven't even gotten to the best part yet!
I can't believe she finally made a friend.
I mean, I know we had our doubts when we had to take her in normal-level classes because all the kids in her special ed class made fun of her.
But finally. Now we can actually make her somebody else's problem.
Hey, Helen! We're gonna go out and bring back some frozen yogurt! What flavor would'ja like?
-- Blastoise!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Okay, Helen. We'll be back in a second.
Quick! Let's scram before she drops a deuce! -- I made a number 5! ...and not the mambo!
***.
Too late...
Damn. Some parents just make sodomy too easy.