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>> ALAN: Ugh.
>> MATT: What?
>> ALAN: Huh? Oh. That Khloe Kardashian chick is such a ***.
>> MATT: What?
>> ALAN: Hm? Oh. Nevermind.
>> NICOLE: So what do you guys wanna do?
>> ALAN: Meh.
>> MATT: We could play Mario Party.
>> ALAN: Oh that is such bull (bleep)! Every time I want to play Mario Party, you're like
'no, Alan, you can't play Mario Party with just two people, that's stupid!'
>> MATT: Yeah, playing Mario Party with only two people is stupid.
>> ALAN: And three isn’t?!
>> MATT: Hmmm. You’re right. I guess four would be better. Who
can we call?
>> NICOLE: Well, I was thinking of texting Sarah. She should be off work by now. Maybe
she could play.
>> MATT: Not Sarah...
>> NICOLE: What’s wrong with Sarah?
>> MATT: Nothing... it’s just uh... Well, okay, do you remember last week when we went
to the beach? And I asked to borrow her sunscreen because I was stupid and left mine at home
and she was all like 'No, Matt! You always use too much and this stuff is expensive!
'Uh... Stingy.
>> NICOLE: A. She is not stingy. You DO use too much sunscreen. B.
I’m texting her anyways. And, C. She does NOT sound like
that.
>> MATT: Uh, yeah she does.
>> ALAN: Oh, she absolutely does. Do you remember last New
Years when I tried to give her a kiss, and she was all like 'No Alan! You can't give
me a kiss! Your breath smells like a blooming onion!' Pfft.
>> MATT: Dude, she doesn’t sound like that.
>> ALAN: No... I was doing the same voice as you!
>> MATT: Mmm... Nooooo, mine was more on point. Yours was way off.
>> ALAN: Pfft! No, dude, I got that voice down to like a science!
>> MATT: Repeat after me, okay? Hi, Alan. My name’s Sarah. I’m a stingy ***!
>> NICOLE: She does not say that!
>> MATT: She should! Ok, try it. My name’s Sarah! I’m a stingy ***!
>> ALAN: Uh. My name’s Sarah! I’m a stingy-
>> MATT: No no no, like this. My.
>> ALAN: My.
>> MATT: Name’s.
>> ALAN: Name’s.
>> MATT: No! Goddammit Alan, what's wrong with you? It’s more high pitched than that.
And get the resonance out of your throat. What’s wrong with you? It's in the nasal
cavity, like this. Stingy ***!
>> ALAN: Stingy- Stingy ***.
>> MATT: No. Stingy.
>> ALAN: Stingy-
>> MATT: Stingy ***!
>> ALAN: Stingy!
>> MATT: No! No! Stingy ***!
>> ALAN: Stingy ***!
>> MATT: No! No! Get it this time! Stingy ***!
>> ALAN: Um. My name’s Sarah and I’m a stingy ***!
>> MATT: You got it! Hey Sarah.
>> SARAH: What are you guys talking about?
>> NICOLE: Yeah, what are you guys talking about?
>> MATT: Oh, you know. Just uh... shooting the (bleep).
>> ALAN: Yeah... just uh... you know... (bleep)... shooting...
>> SARAH: Ok, then... Hey Nicole.
>> NICOLE: Hey, Sarah.
>> MATT: Sooooo... Sarah... how was work?
>> SARAH: Work was okay, I guess. Except this one guy tried to hit on me as I cashing him
out and I was all like back off man, I’ve got a boyfriend.
>> ALAN: Woah woah woah woah, Sarah... You've got a boyfriend?
>> SARAH: Duh, Alan. I've introduced you to Richard! Remember at the New Years party before
you tried to make out with me?
>> ALAN: Um, A. That was just a New Year’s peck. B. I've never met this person. And C.
You said the reason you wouldn't kiss me was because my breath smelled like blooming onion.
>> SARAH: It did smell like onion!
>> ALAN: Well what did his smell like?!
>> NICOLE: Guys! Stop fighting. We’re supposed to be hanging out.
>> MATT: So... Sarah... Has anyone ever told you, you sound
really weird?
>> SARAH: What!?
>> NICOLE: Matt!
>> ALAN: Well I mean, you wouldn’t exactly say it sounds normal...
>> MATT: Oh certainly not normal. No, it's more like a... record being scratched by some
old lady’s fake nails. Yeah, I believe that’s an accurate description.
>> SARAH: Oh, screw you both! I’m gonna be in the bathroom!
>> NICOLE: Matt! You are such an ***!
>> MATT: What? It was just a bit of fun!
>> NICOLE: You two are so immature. Sarah’s really nice, and you
guys are treating her like trash!
>> MATT: Well, if the shoe fits...
>> NICOLE: And stop doing that! She does NOT sound like that!
>> ALAN: Actually, she totally does.
>> NICOLE: *** you, Alan!
>> ALAN: Nevermind... I... mmm...
>> MATT: She kind of totally does.
>> NICOLE: Oh, okay. Well what if I started making fun of you, huh? How would you feel
then?
>> MATT: Go ahead. I’m perfect. Take your best shot.
>> NICOLE: Hi. My name's Matt! I make fun of others because I have an inferiority complex.
Meh!
>> MATT: I um... I don’t sound like that.
>> NICOLE: I surround myself with people I think are lower than me to
make myself feel better. Meh!
>> ALAN: Heh heh heh heh!
>> MATT: That’s funny but, I don’t sound like that.
>> ALAN: Mm, yeah, actually, you do sound like that.
>> MATT: What? I do NOT!
>> ALAN: Sometimes.
>> NICOLE: Especially when you get mad.
>> MATT: I do not! That’s bull (bleep)!
>> ALAN: That’s bull (bleep)!
>> NICOLE: Uh... that’s not really it, Alan.
>> ALAN: No, no, that was- that was the same voice. That’s bull (bleep)!
>> MATT: I don’t sound like either of you!
>> ALAN: I don’t sound like either of you!
>> MATT:(bleep) you Alan!
>> NICOLE:(bleep) you Alan!
>> MATT: Shut up!
>> NICOLE: Shut up!
>> MATT: Both of you need to shut up I do not sound like that! Meh! God, I totally sound
like that.
>> ALAN: Yeah you kinda do, yeah.
>> SARAH: Well, this party really died. Come on Nicole! Let’s go to the boardwalk and
chase ducks around.
>> NICOLE: Yeah, ok.
>> SARAH: Later boys!
>> ALAN: So, Matt. What do I sound like?
>> MATT: Like an ***, Alan.