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And so that's why round fish bowls are illegal in Italy.
Oh, you know, it's so nice having you over for dinner, Jane.
You always bring such delightful conversation.
What, we don't bring delightful conversation?
How is everybody's chicken?
(LOUD EATING NOISES)
But, I have to admit I have another reason for coming,
aside from your scalloped potatoes.
I'm running for president in the school election,
and I've decided who I want to be my vice president.
Oh, I think you'd make a great vice president, Porter.
Oh, no offence, Porter, but I want Carl.
(SAY WHAT?)
-Will you be my running mate? -What?
I can't believe a girl wants to run with Carl instead of away from him.
-I think it's a great idea. -Me too.
Your great-grandfather was a politician.
Carl, Becky, you both have man-of-the-people blood coursing through your veins.
Man, he always looked so serious.
-No! -Besides, it's just vice president,
I'll be doing all the heavy lifting.
I would vote for you.
So, what do you say? Casey-Montclaire ticket?
-Yeah, let's do it. -Awesome!
Who wants dessert? It's key lime pie.
# Let's give it one more shot
# Let's give it everything we've got
# 'Cause if we get it right
# We will surely conquer the world
# Hey!
# I've got my wings from an angel
# Now we're wingin' it all the time
# I'm giving wings to an angel
# All my wings to an angel
# Now we've got to learn to fly #
-Is it straight? -Looks good to me.
You guys are running for the school election?
But you're not popular enough to win.
It's not a popularity contest, Brittany.
Please, only the unpopular people say that.
Carl's right, the Bennet High student body is smart and aware.
They don't care about popularity, they care about the issues.
And what are your issues?
Not counting that you wear mum jeans.
Very funny.
For starters, we're going to cut funding to the Ski Club.
What? That's my favourite club.
If there's no Ski Club, then where would I get my hot chocolate?
You guys spend more money than all the other clubs.
I mean, did you really need that virtual-reality ski machine for off season?
Ooh, you're doing level seven again?
Here comes the big jump.
Oh, ho-ho!
Yes, we 100% need it.
Without it our ski muscles would atrophy.
Well, we think some of that money
should go to the underfunded clubs in the school,
like the Origami Club and the High-five Society.
Good luck with that.
So, how's the campaign going?
Well, I think we just lost the popular vote.
It's fine, we're gonna win on the issues.
We beat Terendale High.
Winning feels good, but beating Terendale High, that feels gooder.
We showed that stupid tiger mascot who's boss of the jungle.
Jane for president and Carl for...
what's a vhe-puh?
That's not even a word.
You two losers don't have a hope.
Hey, Porter, high-five.
Oh! Oh!
Mrs Lennox, I'm so sorry.
My glasses, I'm legally blind without them.
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, thank you, Dr Cassabi. What a gentleman.
Oh, think nothing of it. That was completely my fault,
my head was in the clouds.
Wow, these are alphabetised. How did you do it so fast?
Um... Well, it's something of a hobby of mine.
You could call me a man of letters.
Oh! You could call me a lady of the alphabet.
Well, now I know your ABCs. (CHUCKLES)
Oh. (GIGGLES)
There's the future VP of Bennett High.
Hiding in the oval classroom?
I'm folding brochures.
Shouldn't you be out there meeting the voters?
It's not that easy.
I mean, everyone wants something different.
There are some people that want fish burgers in the cafeteria twice a week
and some people that want fish burgers banned for ever.
Now you can go both ways at the same time.
It's a psychic campaign button.
Whoever looks at it will see the campaign promise that will get you their vote.
So, the more-fish-burger people
will see that Jane and I are for the burgers,
and the ban-fish-burger people
will see that Jane and I are against them.
Exactamundo.
Oh, cool. So what campaign promise are you seeing?
"I promise to become hugely popular, so Porter can finally
"get his angel wings".
Got anything else in your bag of tricks that'll help us win?
I don't know. How about a...
Booya!
If Jane asks, you know someone at the copy shop, all right?
Yeah.
Oh, Carl, just the man I was looking for.
You seem to be on good terms with Dr Cassabi,
do you mind delivering him this note?
Yeah, sure. After all, I do want to represent the people.
Thank you so much.
Wow! That's a fancy campaign button you've got there, young man.
"If elected, I promise to make a pin-up calendar
"of Dr Cassabi dressed as a fireman." You've got my vote.
(Oh no)
Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
She has the hots for you, doesn't she?
How can you tell?
Well, usually when a girl hands you a note it means she likes you.
Not that I would know from personal experience,
but it happens to Porter all the time.
# Cassabi and Lennox sitting in a tree
# K-I-S-S-I... #
Dennis!
Get out.
You heard him.
-You! -Oh, okay.
Oh, it's even scented.
-Carl for VP! -Vote for Jane!
"If elected, we're going to beat our rivals Terendale High
"back to the Stone Age."
Count me in. Their mascot is the worst.
This is totally bogus, Serge.
Those nerds Jane and Carl are going to ruin the Ski Club
if they're elected.
"Drinking fountains of Gobsmack juice?"
Count on my vote.
Hey, we should run against Jane and Carl in the school election.
Ew, no, being on student council is way too much work.
But we can't let them win and destroy the Ski Club.
-VP, Jane for prez, vote for us! -Vote for the issues!
We need to nominate another popular kid to run for president.
And I think our candidate just walked by.
Ahh.
Who are we talking about?
-Porter. -Right, yeah.
I can't believe it. You're running against us, Porter?
I had nothing to do with this, Jane, honest.
Well, these didn't just magically appear!
Did they?
Vote for Porter Jackson right here. Here you go. Right here.
RAPS: # Porter Jackson, he's our man
# If he can't do it... #
I'm not even gonna finish this because he can do it.
This is your handiwork, isn't it?
You put Porter up against us
just because we want to cut funding to the Ski Club.
If you play with fire, you're going to get burned, Jane.
Yeah, and we're the fireplace. And you guys are like the logs
and the tinder and the little pieces of paper you...light it with.
Hey, I don't want to run for president.
Hey, and I didn't want to be popular.
This is a mockery of the electoral process.
Don't be such a sore loser, losers.
And why does your button say, "Serge Rules?"
It says, "Carl's for the Ski Club."
-This guy is a total flake. -Let's go.
Well, this is not a good situation, Porter. Not good.
I'll take care of this, trust me.
Porter always knows what he's doing.
Since when?
Since that's what I read on your button.
-Hey, Principle Malone. -(STAMMERS) Hello, uh...
# P-P-Porter. #
I'd like my name withdrawn from the student election.
A couple people nominated me
because they thought I'd like it, but uh...
So, you've been nominated by the people, Porter Jackson,
that's the ultimate compliment.
You do realise that official withdrawal requires written notification.
It does? Oh, yeah, of course it does.
There you go.
So you accept my official withdrawal, right?
Nope.
A lot of students look up to you, Porter.
If you quit, what will they think?
Winners never quit, quitters never win.
No, sir, I can't let you drop out, it sends the wrong message.
So if you can't drop out of the election,
you'll just have to tank it.
I should probably change my cool factor pronto, right?
(SPEAKING SARCASTICALLY) Ah, yeah. Sure, no problem.
But that's easier said than done.
# Ta-da! #
How's this for starters?
Now, this is how you throw an election.
Nerd alert! If I wasn't such a nice guy,
I'd probably give you a wedgie.
Yeah, I know.
I kind of feel like reformatting my hard drive.
See? This outfit is totally not cool.
Get ready for maths class!
Dr Cassabi? Fancy meeting you here.
-Yes, what are the chances? -Yeah.
You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were avoiding me.
Who Me? (STAMMERS)
Yes, earlier today when I saw you go into your office,
I went in after you and you were gone, poof!
As if you'd vanished!
Vanished! Me?
What do you say, you and me?
We go out for something to eat after school?
You are married, Mrs Lennox.
(GIGGLES) Oh, the "Mrs", it's just to keep the single teachers from asking me out.
What do you say?
I take your silence as a yes. It's a date.
It's a date!
(MRS LENNOX GIGGLES)
Okay! How about this?
Maybe the best way to stop Mrs Lennox from liking you,
is to make sure your date is a disaster.
Are you suggesting I throw the date?
That's brilliant,
but I'll need your help, Dennis, after all,
disasters are your stock-in-trade.
You invite her to the pizzeria,
and I'll be there in stealth mode to coach you.
Perfect, then what?
You start the date from H-E double hockey sticks.
(DENNIS CACKLES)
Porter, your nerd manoeuvre totally backfired man.
Everyone's talking about your new look,
they're calling it "dweeb chic".
I knew I could never make myself un-cool.
They're a bunch of lemmings.
OK, plan C. It's time to put the final nail in the coffin.
All right, everybody listen up,
I've got an announcement to make.
I want to present to you my vice-presidential running mate
Alex.
What election is this?
(CHEERING)
Nail in the coffin, huh?
More like icing on his victory cake.
-How do I look? -Like an A1 loser.
Now, let me feed you lines and this date will go down in flames in no time.
Oh, hi, Alice.
Oh! Dr Cassabi, hi.
You look different.
And you smell different too, is that a new cologne?
Sniff your armpits.
Um... Nope, that's Cassabi au naturale.
With a dash of eau de raccoon.
-Ssh! -Shall we order?
Already have, extra large Meat Lovers, heavy on the sausage,
anchovy and Armageddon Hot Sauce.
Lots of cottage cheese.
-And jujubes. -Oh, and jujubes.
It's not what I usually order, but I'm up for trying new things.
Jujubes on pizza, I love it!
Roar, love it!
Don't worry, boss, I'm just getting warmed up.
Well you'd better be getting warmed up.
Oh, I am. I'm warming up to you.
No, I...
You're a lot different than you are at school.
Well, I guess you don't like me quite as much now, huh?
I like you even more. You're a bad boy.
Ew!
-Now what? -I don't know.
Who are you talking to?
Nobody, just another one of my annoying habits.
You know I like to bite my nails, I walk in my sleep,
I love to yodel.
Oh... # Yodel-a-hee-hoo! #
Cheque, please.
Everything you're doing isn't working, Porter.
All right, it's time for Plan D.
Yeah, well D better not stand for Dutch, Porter, otherwise
everyone will be eating Gouda cheese and wearing wooden shoes.
Watch this.
Oh, let's see what the Bobbsey Twins have to say about that.
I wish I could do that face. Love the new slogan, Porter,
you're going to be the first slacker president.
Yeah, it's ironical, and ironicalness is cool.
All right, time for Plan Q.
Plan Q? What about the letters in between?
I don't want to bother you with those, especially Plan I,
which involves a lizard wearing a sombrero.
All right, free pizza, everybody! Grab a box!
First come, first served!
Buying votes, how low can you go?
This is to help you win.
Voters love free stuff, especially free food.
Ah, sweet!
We students will not have our votes bought with food.
Or anything else for that matter.
Porter Jackson would never bribe the people.
This pizza is delicious, but it sucks.
Vote for Porter Jackson.
I don't care what you say, Carl, Porter's trying to win.
All right, you've got a plan W, right?
Epsilon, Operation Sea Lion...
Should I give you the run-down of plan I?
I've got the sombrero in my locker and the lizard's standing by.
How small is that sombrero?
You should be asking, "How big is the lizard?"
We are so doomed.
"Smoochies from Mrs Lennox." Oh, boy.
I can smell that fruit basket from two streets over.
If Mrs Lennox keeps pursuing me like this,
she'll compromise my cover story at this school.
I'll have to ask to be transferred to a different AIT.
Well, we'll miss you around here.
You know you're going with me, don't you?
But I just figured out where all the best local dumpsters are,
and what about Carl and Porter?
You think some other angel is going to bail them out every time like you do?
You know, Dennis, you're right.
I have to tell Mrs Lennox I'm just not interested.
I can't spare her feelings and do my job.
You just have to face it, boss, you're too irresistible.
My gift, my curse.
Time to go break her heart.
People of Bennett High. When it comes to the fish burger issue,
I know you're angry. I'm angry.
But we will form a task force, and whether
you're for fish burgers or whether you're against fish burgers,
we will have answers.
And as for the Ski Club, their school funding is going straight downhill.
-(CHUCKLES) Little joke there. -(GRUNTS)
Boo! Porter rules!
(LAUGHTER)
I have given you the answers and now the choice is clear,
Vote Casey-Montclaire for office.
And now the vice to my president, Carl, to say a few words.
Okay, well a vote for Casey and Montclaire...
-Can't hear you, Mumbles! -(LAUGHTER)
Principal Malone,
teachers, students and friends.
Today we stand at the precipice
of a new day at Bennett High.
A day where hope of the success
of all student clubs does not live or die
at the expense of a ski-lift ticket.
Don't think to yourselves, "What can Bennett High do for me?"
but, "What can I do for Bennett High?"
Let our class not be divided by coolness and practicality
but be joined as one,
one union,
united under the proud yellow and the mighty blue.
(CHEERING)
-That was magical. -Truly. Thanks for the assist.
Looks like Carl put us back on top without your help, Porter.
Good luck following that.
So, at this time, let's hear from our other
vice-presidential nominee, Alex Rodriguez.
Porter told me to tell you all about myself, so here goes.
I like cheese.
I'm immune to poison ivy, but I haven't tested that theory.
If I put baby clothes on, I look like a giant.
You love it. Yes you do, yes you do.
Hello, Mrs Lennox.
Oh, do you need me to chew that up for you?
Oh, my, you've got a little friend don't you, Mrs Lennox?
This is your new daddy, this is Dr Cassabi,
-you can call him Daddy. -Uh, Mrs Lennox.
This is Charlemagne, my cat.
We have to talk.
Oh, I love talking to you. (GIGGLES)
(DR CASSABI SNEEZES)
Bless you. (DR CASSABI SNEEZES)
What's the matter, do you have a cold?
No, I don't, but something in this room is...
Is making me sneeze.
I certainly hope it's not Charlemagne.
Oh, my goodness, I could be allergic to Charlemagne.
I wouldn't even know it, I haven't spent any time around cats.
Why not? Don't you like cats?
Well, honestly, I could take or them or leave them.
-This is never going to work. -What?
It's over.
Don't say it!
I can't share my life with someone who
doesn't want to share it with my cats.
Oh, what a shame, I really thought we had something.
-I'm breaking your heart. -Yes.
It's not me, it's you.
Well, we'll always have the pizzeria.
Could you please leave?
Your sneezing is scaring Charlemagne,
and he's already had enough stress today,
and we can't have any more of his fur falling out.
I'll miss you, Mrs Lennox.
Whenever I order jujubes on my pizza, I'll think of you.
And whenever I smell raccoon...
I'll think...of you.
Bless you.
You already have.
My mom's middle name is Pocahontas.
Thanks, and vote for us.
(CHEERING)
And so, finally, let's hear from the other presidential nominee,
-Porter Jackson. -(CHEERING)
Well, I, Porter Jackson,
don't want to be president.
That's all.
(CROWD CHEERS WILDLY)
The fact that he doesn't care about this,
makes me want him to win so much more.
You know what? All you people care about is not caring
so I don't care about winning.
Don't let her trick you, she still cares.
-(STUDENTS BOO) -We're so going to lose.
(CROWD BOOING)
All right. Please, please...
Well, Porter, I'd say Jane and I aren't going
to be winning this election.
I can't get these people to not like me.
I haven't heard booing like this since the last time we
played Terendale High in soccer-baseball.
-What's this? -The slide presentation to end all slide presentations.
Oh, um... Once again, Carl.
If I can have everyone's attention for a minute.
I have been brought some disturbing news
that I think you should all hear, or should I say see.
Give it up, Montclaire, you and Jane have lost already.
Have we?
(STUDENTS GASP)
It's Porter and the Terendale Tiger!
As you can see, presidential nominee Porter Jackson
is friends with the mascot of our bitter rival,
Terendale High.
Say it isn't so, Porter?
You're not friends with our enemy's mascot?
Yup, that's right.
Serge, everybody, I can't tell a lie.
Terendale Tiger and I are best friends.
We've even got BFF bracelets.
If I were standing up, I would need to sit down.
You can't be the new school president now, Porter,
not after this betrayal.
Tiger's not that bad once you know him, he's jokes.
Listen up everyone, Porter Jackson is Carl's own cousin.
If Carl is the able to make the tough decision
to bring us this family scandal,
how can you doubt that Carl and I are right
to run your student council. Make your vote count.
Let the voting begin.
Carl, I've got to file this breaking story
before I'm too busy celebrating my presidential
victory to do it.
I've got my head line now,
"Prez Nom BFFs with Terendale Mascot".
What a day!
-So, a photo scandal, huh? -Classic, I'm good.
I wonder who I'm going to vote for.
Are you playing hard to get?
What do you say?
You and I.
(CHUCKLES)
So, what does it say, what does it say?
Nothing.
If I put on baby clothes, I look like a giant.