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BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Hi, everyone.
I'm Bianna Golodryga, and this is Yahoo News Live.
Taya Kyle's husband was the famed Navy SEAL, Chris Kyle,
the author and subject of the book, "American Sniper," which
later became a blockbuster movie starring Bradley
Cooper and Sienna Miller.
Kyle had served four tours during the Iraq war,
but was tragically murdered along
with his friend, Chad Littlefield,
by a former Marine at a Texas gun range in 2013.
Since Chris's death, Taya has been working hard
to continue to share her husband's story
and cope with his tragedy.
She has written a bestselling book, "American Wife-- A Memoir
of Love, War, Faith, and Renewal,"
which is now out in paperback.
Taya, thank you so much for joining us.
"American Wife" really is your way
of telling your side of the story.
You're able to show Chris in a different way
that than we see him portrayed in "American Sniper."
Tell us about who Chris was that we
didn't get to see in the film.
He was funny, he was warm, right?
TAYA KYLE: Yes, yes.
He was funny, he was warm.
He was very-- I think you got a sense of it
in "American Sniper," in the movie.
The humility and sort of being the calm amongst chaos
and yet very capable.
He was definitely all of those things,
and some of what you see in "American Wife"
are love letters and some of the romantic side that I think
all women who have a good man-- it's just something we love so
much in that man, and that's something everybody else gets
to see or should see.
But in this book, it was sort of my love letter
to him to let other people know his heart and the person
I loved.
But it's also for a lot of wives and a lot
of people that seemed very hungry to know
more of the story from a wife's perspective.
There are a lot of people that are married
who need some inspiration and have some hard times, men
and women, who I think are telling us that they're
getting a lot out of the book.
Just seeing that they're not the only ones, they're not alone.
That sometimes it is hard, but it's still
worth it and those kind of things.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: They cope through their suffering
through reading your book and reading
about your experiences, which many can identify
with your children at the time.
They were eight and six when they lost their father.
What are the memories you want to instill in them
and to remind them of who their father was,
and what would he want them to know about himself growing up
as teenagers and adults?
TAYA KYLE: I think the best thing is that they really
have this moment frozen in time of knowing him as the very fun
dad who also held them to a high standard and he loved them.
With an affection that you don't see from a lot of people
these days I don't think, and some people don't expect it
from tough guys, but most of the tough guys I know
are also very affectionate and fun
and have a good morality compass and all those things.
So they are very fortunate to really know him pretty well,
and we talk about him all the time.
Not by design, but just because it comes up.
And whether it's his favorite foods or favorite colors
or silly things he used to do, I notice
that they'll repeat stories a lot
and sometimes ask me for new ones,
and we have friends who grew up with Chris
who will share stories with them about how the teachers loved
him.
And it wasn't because he behaved perfectly
and it wasn't because he was the perfect student.
It was because he was respectful, he was charming,
he was fun, and he was easygoing.
There's a lot to be said for that-- just
being humble person.
So I feel like they're very, very fortunate
to know him and remember him in that moment in time,
but also have all this other material that they can go back
at and see and look at later.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And of course, they know him primarily as dad,
right?
TAYA KYLE: Absolutely.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And since the movie came out and since
his book and now yours, what are the stories
they're hearing now, and the questions
they're asking after finding out the sacrifices
their father made as a hero defending
this country overseas?
TAYA KYLE: You know, it's interesting
because even when Chris was alive,
it was very important to us that they just knew him as Dad,
but they also knew from a very young age
there would be times where we'd hear that a friend had died.
And even when Chris was overseas and the kids were young
that maybe I'd be crying, I'd just find out something
that one of our friends had been killed,
and then we'd just pray for them and we'd
talk about how I believe that they
lived on with their family that's
left behind and still hurting.
And I think some of that stuff, it builds a foundation.
So that when it happens to us, they already had a foundation.
It wasn't just some rhetoric that their mom was giving
them to make them feel better, that they already kind of knew
it.
And they haven't seen the movie, they haven't read the books,
but they've seen the trailer and we've talked about it,
and they know good guys and they know bad guys.
They know there's evil in the world,
and I think through different legal battles I've had to face
and different weird things.
People can be very hateful obviously,
whether it's online or just different things that are said,
and in some ways I think that helps their resilience too
because they see a mom who can smile anyway.
So it's OK, they're allowed to have that opinion.
It doesn't-- you know who I am, I know who I am,
and we have amazing friends and family around us-- it's OK,
you know?
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And of course, as every parent,
you always want to shelter your kids as much as you can for
as long as you can.
Your children, as you mentioned, were
exposed to the loss of loved ones-- friends, what have you,
whether in combat or here at home in the States.
Talk about the role that Faith has played in your life
before and after Chris's death, and the role
it has now evolved into with your children and raising them?
TAYA KYLE: I mean, I grew up with some faith
and I do talk about it a lot in "American Wife" too.
It's that in the beginning as a child,
I felt like God was very real and I felt
a very passionate bond there.
And then, I didn't want to go to church a lot,
and my parents were pretty cool about it.
They didn't force me to do it and I'm glad they didn't, and
I've gone through different times in my life
where I've gone more and haven't gone more.
I've always believed that's not where God is.
It's-- I have a church I love now and I crave it because it
makes me feel good and I'm inspired and I learn a lot,
but I don't think that's what it's about.
I think it's a lot bigger than that,
and I think it's about those moments
that my faith got stronger where when Chris was deployed
and I was fearful.
I very afraid.
And the fact that he kind of always-- Chris always
had this feeling that it is what it is.
Things are going to happen when they're going to happen.
When it's your time, it's your time.
It's OK to be in a gunfight in an alleyway,
because if it's not your time, you're not going to go.
When it is your time, you go.
And that was hard for me to accept,
but in time, I've really sort of embraced that.
And I think with something like ***,
and you think-- a lot of times people
say, well, how could a loving God allow things to happen?
And I really look back at that and think,
you know, the God I know keeps his promises
and he promises free will.
And he promises it to people who choose to do good with it
and people who choose to do evil with it.
And the person who murdered my husband and his friend-- he
had a choice, and he had free will and he chose to do evil.
And he didn't have PTSD as it was suggested earlier,
or at least psychiatrist and prosecution and defense
testified in the *** trial that he didn't.
But he made a lot of decisions, and he did some drugs
and he was enabled, and he got out of trouble
by claiming different things in the past.
And so, the faith-- the role that I play into it--
goes back to forgiveness.
It doesn't mean that somebody shouldn't have consequences--
that's in the Bible.
The whole Chris Kyle Frg Foundation
is a foundation based on-- we're honoring God and country
and marriages-- helping marriages-- but in the Bible,
it says, put God first, marriage second, kids third.
And as a mom, that sometimes feels hard to do,
because we want to put our kids first.
And so, a lot of the things that I've learned in life,
though, going through those hard times,
are that all of those principles really make sense.
You know, It's OK to forgive and still have
somebody have a consequence.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Have you forgiven
the man who took your husband away from you and your family?
TAYA KYLE: You know, I try not to think about it too much,
and I try to think about him because it
doesn't change my reality.
But I also know that he's, you know, forgive me for the term,
but rotting in a prison that's a really harsh prison
that people don't get out of.
There's no probation for these people.
The very human part of me-- I'm glad for that.
I need that.
That, to me, feels like some sort of justice,
some sort of consequence.
And above and beyond that, can I forgive another human being
for just being totally flawed and for making bad choices,
and for letting it escalate and all of those things?
I suppose.
You know, I suppose I can, but I don't
know that I'm quite at the point where I necessarily
can say I forgive you for acting in such an evil, horrific way
and taking two lives that were so beautiful and so powerful,
and have robbed my children and definitely me.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: I don't think anybody would expect you
to either.
TAYA KYLE: But I do know that there
is a place to say I'm not going to carry that hate
and bitterness.
I guess that's the main point is that I cannot live and do good
in this world if I focus on that or carry the hate
and bitterness.
It's like almost I have to acknowledge it, and set it
aside, and move on.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Well, you've done
a lot of good in writing this book
and telling the story as not only the spouse of a loved one,
but as somebody who identifies with so many other families
in this country that are in similar positions that have
their loved ones, whether it be their husbands, their fathers,
their sons, deployed time and time again in time of war.
We hear a lot about honoring our veterans now, and again
election year especially.
Talk about the words coming out of the candidates' mouths
and whether it's reassuring for you
to hear them talk about this issue when a lot of people
don't talk about it enough?
And is it just rhetoric or is it believable?
TAYA KYLE: Great questions.
I think a lot of the stuff that we hear in an election year is
rhetoric, or it's marketing, or it's
that they might kind of feel things
but that they haven't done to be so supportive in the past,
but they're going to start now.
And so, I think you have to take all of it in stride
and think who's going to do the best for our country
in the future, right?
But I do think that it's important to look for somebody
who has the character and who can appreciate each
individual-- their service, their commitment--
to know enough that it's-- and this goes for our first
responders and our veterans.
There's a whole segment of our population
who puts their life on the line whose families serve
and sacrifice, and they've stayed quiet
because that's what they do.
Their quiet service members and they
like to serve, not be served.
But to ignore that, or to allow the negative talk
about our first responders our policeman
and to promote some of the bad actions
as an outrage and things like that I think
is really detrimental to our whole society.
I think you have to look at how many police officers are doing
amazing things day in and day out,
and I don't care what profession it is.
There's going to be a bad apple.
I mean, there's somebody in every single profession who's
going to do something that isn't right,
and you hold them accountable but you
don't annihilate the whole profession because you have
a couple of people doing wrong.
So from a leadership perspective, an election
perspective, I really hope that whoever
we have is somebody that doesn't just
talk a big game, but somebody who has character
who understands and who values service members
and what they do.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And you have endorsed Ted Cruz for president
now.
You initially supported Rick Perry, Texas governor--
both of them from Texas, your home state, my home state
as well.
I wanted to get your thoughts on some of the rhetoric
and some of the policy that specifically Ted Cruz has
announced with regards to Iraq and the Middle East and ISIS.
At carpet bombing ISIS, the region as a whole.
A proposal that military experts--
Michael Hayden, Bob Gates-- said wasn't realistic
and not a great strategy.
As someone who has served with your husband here at home,
your husband abroad, how confident
are you that someone like Ted Cruz
will be able to protect our servicemen
and put their interests first when they're overseas?
TAYA KYLE: That's a good question, and just to clarify,
I have not said that I have endorsed Ted Cruz.
I haven't, I just-- even Rick Perry,
I love him and I wanted to vouch for his character,
but that would be as close to an endorsement as I'd probably--
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Is there anyone you've endorsed so far?
TAYA KYLE: No.
No, I mean, there's a local sheriff-- Sheriff Weyburn is
running for Sheriff in our local community
that I endorse, and I know him so well and his family so well
that, you know, that's when I just put it all on the line
for.
But other than that, I've tried very hard to not get
in the business of endorsing.
But I can tell you with-- to answer your question
about carpet bombing and things like
that, my limited experience with war and war strategies
tells me that America is most effective when we are allowed
to fight, we're allowed to take the gloves off, and fight
within the rules.
I'm not saying you go outside of the rules,
but when you actually fight the fight.
And I think of terrorism as like a cancer, right?
And so, if you ignore the cancer,
it's going to grow and grow and eventually
going to take over the body.
Sometimes you can't eradicate it,
but you just have to keep cutting it back
so it doesn't take over the whole body,
and I do think that's important.
I mean, I think we'd be foolish to ignore it.
We see it happening in France, in Brussels,
and we know that it's not going away any time soon.
And so, I think hopefully whoever
is in charge will be strategic, they'll be aware,
and they will not cover things up hopefully
to the American public.
I don't think the public needs to know everything,
I don't think that's realistic, but I
do think that we need to be positive, not live in fear,
and to be aware and to be honest.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Did you and Chris discuss politics much?
Obviously he'd been deployed much of that time
under President Obama as commander-in-chief.
What were his thoughts on some of the decision making
that President Obama had taken specifically
regarding Mideast policy?
TAYA KYLE: Well, I think part of the problem
is when you're over there and you're intimately
involved in that life, I mean living for years at a time
or in segments that add up to years,
you see a whole different type of society.
So if you looked at "American Sniper,"
you saw that the civilians were being terrorized too.
And then it's not the Iraqi people
that are a problem necessarily, it's
terrorism that's coming in and truly
being very savage to their own.
And when you say savage, it's sometimes
people get their back up.
But we're talking about punching out teeth of children,
sodomizing them, burning their eyes with cigarettes
so they can identify their attacker.
These are not abnormal things.
These are not one-offs.
This is happening over there.
And when they try-- when our forces would
try to go in and train up their army, which they did,
there's a different mentality.
They're not used to being empowered.
They're used to being oppressed.
And so, they do sometimes need outside forces
to come in and say it's OK to fight
and this is how you do it, and you can take care of yourself
but we want to help you.
And even then, sometimes it's not-- They kind of
want America to do it.
They don't want to be the ones to have to rise up
because they're not used to it.
They're very, very oppressed.
And so, I feel like people need to understand that I
don't think anybody likes war.
I mean, Chris could say he loved what
he did because he felt he was protecting people
and he was using his abilities to save lives.
That's different than saying I enjoy going over to a place
and seeing destruction.
And I do think what people don't see a lot of times
and what a lot of the warriors that I've heard from
have seen, guys that have been amputees and troops versus one
of the organizations that will take them
back to the scene where they lost their legs
and let them leave on their own terms-- it's amazing.
What they see is there are playgrounds there now.
There are neighborhoods who aren't
living in terror from terrorists because they've
been sort of freed from that.
Now is going to creep back in?
Probably.
It probably is, because if we're not there consistently fighting
it and if we're not full on, full force,
it's going to be like that cancer that just grows,
so we're going to keep going back.
It's a difficult situation.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: President Obama
says that inroads are being made, that we
are making a difference there.
Chris knew firsthand what he was talking about.
TAYA KYLE: Yes, I think there were,
and I think early on not so many-- it's not
that terrorism is done.
It's not that we've eradicated it, hurray,
and Iraq is the democracy that everything's going to be great,
and Iran and Syria.
I mean, there are a lot of countries over there
where it's all infiltrated by terrorism,
and I think that's something that-- is hard
because it would be nice if we could all just
be joyful and say, yay, it's over,
but it's just not the reality and I
don't think we need to live in fear and hate either.
I think we just need to be smart and know
that terrorism isn't going away, and it's in those countries.
It's coming to our country.
We have sleeper cells in the United States.
If people think it's not here, that's nuts.
I know people who fight it.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: I know you say fear and hate.
Obviously people refer to some comments,
specifically out of Donald Trump's mouth
throughout this campaign referring
to Muslims, what have you, not allowing them
into this country.
Is that a policy you would agree with?
TAYA KYLE: Well, it's a delicate balance, right,
because I don't think you can say all Muslims are bad
just as much as you can't say all Christians are good, right?
I mean, there's just no-- and I say
that because obviously where I am
I think, oh, Christianity is good,
but that doesn't mean all Christians are good.
Just like it doesn't mean that some extremists that
are of the Muslim faith are representative
of the whole faith.
But I do think you have to be careful to not
be someone like France where you say it's fine,
everybody's good, come in.
We'll not monitor you, we'll not watch, we'll not do anything.
And then all of a sudden you're surprised
when, attack after attack after attack, and there
are going to be more coming.
So I think that's the delicate balance,
and I don't think it's necessarily--
I think civilians have to be aware,
but we also have to empower those who are
in the business of doing it.
Of getting intelligence, to not shut them down, to not scrub
reports and to not quiet that down.
You need to have people active, watching, paying attention.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: One of the benefits of technology
and advanced medical care is that many of our troops-- many
more are coming home alive.
But as you know, they're coming home
injured, whether it's mentally, whether it's physically.
TAYA KYLE: Right.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: The fact that the US Department of Veterans
Affairs says 11 to 20 out of every 100 veterans who
served in the Iraq war or the global war on terror
have PTSD in a given year.
Are we doing enough to address this issue?
I know that you do not believe that the man who
took your husband's life suffered from PTSD,
but we know that it exists in other families
across this country.
Are we doing enough as a nation?
TAYA KYLE: And just to be clear too,
it's not just so much what I believe
because it would be easy for somebody
that's mad to just not acknowledge something.
But, really--
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Experts.
TAYA KYLE: The experts said it, and not only
that, there was never a traumatic event in his life
let alone combat, right?
I mean, he was an armor in the military.
He had access to guns--
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: There wasn't a trigger point
to instigate the PTSD.
TAYA KYLE: No, right?
It was-- well, you know, he got out
and started doing some drugs and made some bad choices
and that happens.
But PTSD is very real, and what I have noticed about it
though is it's not an excuse for bad behavior.
It is a reason why somebody might be irritable.
They might have mood swings, they might have trouble
sleeping, and that is something that you want to help,
but it's not a lifetime sentence.
They don't hurt other people physically.
It's not-- they sometimes turn on themselves,
which is really sad, but I can say that it's up to all of us
to not be victims, right?
Life is really hard, so where do we go to not give up?
If the VA isn't serving them, then they
need to go somewhere else.
They need to keep fighting on and finding the help.
We have a lot of organizations who
are helping veterans right now, a lot of charities
doing really amazing things.
And there are things that help that people might not
recognize.
There are brain centers for traumatic brain
injury that they can get help at a lot of times.
Sometimes it needs more funding than they have,
and that's where private people can come in and help.
But, I mean, everything from-- we're
learning so much about hormones and the lack of the ability
to produce serotonin and norepinephrine.
After a while if your body is in fight or flight,
it just stops making the happy hormones because your body
things they'll never need them again
because it's always in fight response.
There are things-- and that can be fixed with antidepressants
and some of that stuff, or there is acupuncture
does a lot of things.
I mean, they're just-- reflexology even
has been very helpful.
There are MRI-type machines that are working on the brain.
There's a lot of stuff out there,
so I think it's important that we help people
and we educate them that the VA isn't the only answer.
If I could change the VA, I would, I really would.
They need a lot of help.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And Chris-- and you document
the emotional roller coaster that being overseas
and being deployed, especially so many times,
coming back to reality here at home,
and the fact that your neighbors have no idea what's
going on overseas and abroad, it has
an impact on you psychologically,
mentally, emotionally.
What are some of the warning signs
that families can look for now to help not only their loved
one cope, but for the family as a whole and your children?
TAYA KYLE: Right.
I think that talking about it is a big deal.
I know that with "American Sniper," when it came out,
the movie and the book, there were a lot of people that said,
man, I'm not alone, and it opened up dialogues.
Even after the movie, we had some Vietnam veterans
come to us and they had not talked
to their spouse for 30 years about some of the things
that they had experienced together 30 years ago,
but they just kind of pushed under the rug.
It was very freeing and very healing for them
to see somebody express their story to.
It's never just Chris' and my story.
I mean, it really is a collective story
of a lot of people if you think about it.
And so, I think that number one, it's being OK to talk about it.
Number two, it's hopefully we call people out
if they're using it as an excuse.
And I know it's a fine line, but I think it's important.
I think it's important to know that there is help,
and the warning signs-- I mean, mood swings,
irritability, lack of sleep.
It's not that the person who uses it
as an excuse-- oh, I've got PTSD,
so-- that is a huge red flag.
I don't think that's legitimate.
I think it's the people that are wondering almost what's wrong?
I don't feel right?
It's getting progressively a little bit worse.
The spouse who says, have they changed
or is this-- what's going on, and slow, and it's over time.
And one of the things that we do with Chris Kyle Frog
Foundation, we're really trying to help those marriages
because a lot of times these people loved each other enough
to get into a life that wasn't going
to be easy-- they knew that.
And when things start to change and they
start to doubt if they really knew the other person,
they were very committed to giving them
time together to reconnect and say,
yeah, this is still the same person
that you were madly in love with.
It's just you reconnect and it inspires them to get help
if they need it, but it also inspires them to stick it out
because they know that when the marriage fails,
a lot of times the service number
goes down the drain a lot faster.
And so, I think-- but it's hard.
Marriages are always on the brink of disaster
when you're dealing with a lot of fighting evil,
BIANNA GOLODYRGA: So it behooves everyone
to keep together if at all possible.
TAYA KYLE: It does.
And it's not easy, but we found-- I mean,
we did revitalization retreats, which are just
kind of weekends to reconnect.
Not just kind of weekends.
We do a team of people that are white glove service.
I mean, from soup to nuts, they take care of everything.
And the service members are feeling like somebody cares.
It's a community.
It's not just our foundation.
It's the community of people who donated,
but then it's the winery or the hotel and all those things,
and they feel almost-- it's an awkward feeling sometimes
for them because they're being served
and they're used to being the one serving,
but it lets them know that there are other people invested
in them, and that we care about their marriage.
And it's been truly life changing
for people, which is not-- that's not
the result I expected.
I expected to do good and have a lot more work,
and we do have a lot more work, but I'm
saying I didn't expect it to be so life changing.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: And it's rewarding for you, I'm sure.
TAYA KYLE: It's amazing.
And we have date night outs.
I mean, I don't know about you, but so many people
forget to date their spouse, especially when they have kids,
and so reminding these guys, like, it's on us.
We're giving you a date night out,
and all of a sudden it's like, hey, I like you.
I like hanging out with you.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: It's little nudges
to remind you of what's important in family life.
TAYA KYLE: Yes, yes.
BIANNA GOLODYRGA: Well, Taya, thank
you so much for telling us your story
and for telling so many people across this country why it's
important that we listen to military vet
families and their spouses too.
TAYA KYLE: Well, thank you.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate you having me.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: Gradulations on the book again.
TAYA KYLE: Thank you.
BIANNA GOLODRYGA: We always look forward to hearing
what you have to say.
You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter @biannagolodryga,
and use #YahooLive to let us know
what you think about Taya Kyle's book, "American Wife-- A
Memoir of Love, War, Faith, and Renewal."
Thanks for watching.