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Previously on rescue me
I've been a part of a
lot of interventions,ok?
They're never easy.
Some people get extremely
defensive and even violent.
***!
I can't go back to rehab!It
doesn't work for me!
***,we got enough drunks in this
room to start our own meetings.
Sheila gave us half a million bucks,ok?
What?
You never wanted the baby!
- Don't you put it back on me!
- Somebody stole my baby?
You're the one who told
me to go see her,ok?
We just agreed honesty
is the best policy,right?
I was wrong.
- Baby,don't-
- No,no,no.
I am not your baby anymore.
I'm gonna take a long walk.
You be gone when I get back.
You don't think I'm
being too forward,do you?
No,no,I'd have to be
insane to think that.
- You want me,don't you?
- Yeah,yeah!
Hi,auntie sheila.
My dad and me,we wanted to
see how the baby was doing.
Oh,say hi to your sister.
I'm going to be right back.
In the car,in the
car,in the car,sweetie.
Close the door.
Close the
door.
Good,good,good.
Ok.
Oh,***!No,no,no,no!No!
What are you doing?
He hates you!
He hates you!
Man.
I mean,I don't feel
connected to this god at all.
I don't even know what kind of
point system the guy's using.
Tell you one thing,I'm sure as
hell glad he ain't my ***.
Cockroach.
All right,guys,let's just
settle down,try and focus,ok?
The topic we're going to talk
about is the higher power,all right?
God or whatever your
higher power might be.
You know,how you see him or her or it.
Yeah,well,I for one am
one of those,um,uh
what do you call it,honey?
- Agnostics.
- Yeah.
- You don't believe in god?
- No.
Typical.
Oh,yeah,like you do,right?
I do now.
If you don't believe in god,how can
you remotely hope to stay sober,huh?
Well,tommy hasn't had
a drink in,like,what?
Hey,***.
You really tryin' to tell me that
god is helping keep him sober?
I don't think so,sweetheart.
He's white knucklin' it.
Sorry,tommy,it's true.
If you can't find your way to some
sort of faith-based foundation here,
you're doomed to fail.
- You know,I really think she's right.
- Thank you.
Don't listen to her,she still
goes to 9:00 mass every sunday.
Yeah,so what?
Ok,guys,the truth of the matter is,
if you don't believe in
some form of higher power,
trust in something bigger than yourself,
you're gonna wind up countin' days.
Believe me,I was a priest,ok?
I find more god in these
rooms,even in this room,
then I ever did when I
was working for the church.
You know?
Hey,sean.
You know,the ability to share
your sins with other sinners,
that's what's gonna get you through.
Even if,let's say 2 minutes after
we walk out of this apartment,
ok,tommy goes into the
kitchen,opens up the kitchen cabinet,
finds a brand spankin'
new bottle of maker's mark,
if he has faith and
trust,he won't drink it.
Holy ***.
What?
There's a bottle of maker's
mark in one of these cabinets?
God damn it!
- Sean,sean
- why is your hand up?
Well,I have something
that I'd like to share.
Uh,ok,shawn.
Ok,god,for
me-- Yeah.
He's just this huge,
kind of all powerful,enormous
cloud.
God is a cloud?
Yeah,well,I'm not finished yet,maggie.
He's,you know,this
giant cloud of pink gas.
That's--ok,I didn't realize
there was going to be
Why is he here?
- Why is he here? - so
much judgment happening--
I thought I
was in--he has--
No,no,he is not an alcoholic.
- Yes,I am!
- No,you're not!
- Yes,I am!
- Prove it.
Prove it?I'm
here,at the--
Listen,pinky,how many
drinks you have a day?
Depends on the occasion,really.
- Could be,you know-
- Give us a ballpark.
Such a liar!
Well,12 is a lot.
This guy ain't no ***.
Guys
Who votes that sean does not get
to come to these meetings anymore?
Well,you know what,who
votes that I get to stay?
That's not nice.
You know,I only drank
a little bit myself.
There's the denial talking
now.
Total denial right here.
- Hey,***.
- Yeah,well--
Guys,please,I'm tryin' to
chair this meeting,all right?
I'm gonna look for that bottle.
You know what,when are you
going to face the facts?
Of what?You're gonna
start drinkin' again?
You know what?
There's another rat!
It's just a mouse,ok?
It's just a mouse,don't worry.
Can you
guys--please!
This place is as dry as a *** bone!
***!
Go find ***!
I'll have the chicken,and
I'll have the waffles.
Heavy on the chicken,heavy
on the waffles.
And why don't you give me a
fruit salad for my conscience?
You got it,sugar.
I'll have the same.
Hold the fruit,thank you.
All right.
Whoo,how about some
fries with that shake?
Hey,mike,will you please not make a
correlation between food and that woman's ***?
You're gonna ruin my appetite.
- I'm gonna go get her number.
- Are you kidding me?
Hey.
Dad?
How you doin'?Why do you have the baby?
What's goin' on?
I made a deal with mom.
- You made a deal- -
You want to help me out--
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Deal with
mom--ok.
Jesus.
Ooh,where'd you get
this car?From cheech and chong?
So what's the deal?
I h I have him 3 days a week.
Me and tony,ok?
Mom's paying us a babysitting fee
and besides that,it's good for me.
You know,practice and stuff.
It's
prac--heh.
What do you mean,practice?
Please don't tell me you're thinkin'
about having a baby with--with--
hi--the guy who owns this
piece of crap?Are you crazy?
Yeah,I don't--I don't
have time for this.
All right.
Ok,explain to me why your mother
doesn't have the baby full time.
Please.
Colleen?
Coll--
wait,what is this?
Tony had 3 out of town gigs this week.
Ok,you know what?
Did you get some new tattoo
on your ***?What's this?
It's the bass player'S.
Don't
worry about it,ok?
I'm takin' that baby out of this car.
- No,you're not!
- Yes,I am takin' that baby out of this car!
No,no,dad,stop it!
Colleendon't you start that car!
Wait,wait,wait.
Ok,you know what?
I'll make a deal with you,ok.
If you promise not to drive
the baby in this car anymore,
I'll give you a brand new
credit card.
How abt that?
For what?
For not drivin' the baby,and you
give me,um--tell me where mom is.
And--um,'cause I
need to talk to her,
and you let me have the baby a couple
days a week without her knowing about it.
I don't think so,dad.
Ok,you know
All right?
How about that?
- You can charge as much as you
want- - My name's already on here,dad!
Yeah,because I was
anticipating,all right?
- I was thinking ahead.
- No deal.
You're going to give this to me anyway.
Listen to me,because I love you.
Because I'm like the
wayne gretsky of dads.
- I was
anticipating- - Bye!
Turn the car off,please.
Jesus christ.
All right.
If you promise not to drive
the baby in the car anymore,
and the other stuff,I'll
give you a brand new car.
Not brand new,but I'll get
you something better than this.
Now we're talking.
Ok,please?
So
mom-wise
I want a porsche.
You are such a ***
gavin,it's not even funny.
I'm not getting you a porsche.
Ok,a B.
M.
W.
Then.
I'll tell you who she's sleeping with.
Ok,but this little info,who
she's sleeping with now,
is worth maybe,maybe,at the outside,a
Unless she's sleeping with somebody
I know,or,you know,a female relative.
Then maybe you'd get a used B.
M.
W.
Yeah,ok,that's what I
thought.
Jeep cherokee.
Spill.
She's sleeping with her new
boss.
He runs a real estate company.
His name's bob.
Such a cliche.
Short,bald,fat jewish guy,right?
- How old is he?
- 33
All right.
Listen,that card
you can charge as much as you want,but I want
you to use it for what you need,all right?
Need would mean anything
for the baby,you know,
whatever you--birth control
would be on the need list.
- Ok.
- Ok?
Not stuff that you want.
Stuff
that you want,you know,
would be pretty much anything your
boyfriend says he needs,all right?
- Ok.
- Ok.
Love you.
- Love you,too.
- Ok.
Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
All right.
Hi,franco.
Hey.
Hi,rich.
Is everything ok?
Yeah.
Is nat all right?
She cries sometimes.
Oh,yeah?
Well,she's not the only one,you know?
So what's up?
She,uh
What is it,rich?
Hey,it's all right,man,you know?
Whatever it is,you can tell me.
She has a new boyfriend.
We just broke up 4
*** days ago,richard!
Don't--oh,this
is ***,man.
They work together.
They work together.
Oh,that's classic.
We break up 4 days ago,all
the history between us,
a *** marriage proposal,and she's already
latched on to some *** from her office?
Next time they have a
date,I can show you where.
You'd do that for me,rich?
I like you better.
Thanks,man.
Hey,listen,I'm sorry,all right?
I'm sorry for,like,losing it on you.
Ok,that wasthat was way immature.
You shouldn't do ***
like that to people,ok?
That's ok.
All right.
Now,listen,go find out where and when that next is
taking place so we can spy on your s your sister.
Ok.
You're like the brother
I never had,franco.
I love you.
Hey,man.
- I'm gonna--I'm gonna
get back to work.
- Ok.
Hey,you guys,you guys
hear about bobby the beast?
Once ate 14 cheeseburgers and drank 17
beers at 65 truck's fourth of july barbecue.
Without puking,thus the nickname.
Crazy *** tried to save some broad
who was already dead by using
himself as a battering ram.
Hey,guys,what do we got?
Chicken cordon lou.
Oh,my god,my favorite!
As I was sayin',he broke through
a wall,broke his shoulder.
They found the two
of them all burned up.
burnt trying to pull him out.
I was a chief over there.
- Meshugannah.
- Yeah!
This is the crazy *** I was
trying to talk to you about,gavin.
God,it makes you
think,you know?About god.
Hey,pass the corn,will you?
- Shirts and s
- Yeah,apparently.
Wow,the mayor's finally up in arms about
the racial situation in the F.
D.
N.
Y.
It says here once again only 2% of
the new class entering probie school
are made up of african americans.
***.
I was the only brother I
saw when I walked through.
I was the only jew when I went through.
I can tell you,you can count on the one hand
the number of jews in the department right now.
Heh,you irish.
You got a lock on this job.
You irish?
- That's what I said.
- Yeah.
What,we take a different
exam than you took?
He's not sayin' that.
Come on,let's be real.
Most of the guys down at H.
Q.
And
the academy,what are they?
Irish and italian,catholic,and they're
the ones who check off the grades
and decides who makes it in
just to take the physical exam.
And who grades the written exam?
Probably the same guys.
I'm just sayin'.
- You know what I mean?
- Word.
Yeah,so what,so now it's a *** plot?
- Shawn's got a point,you know?
- Talk to him.
Which is?
Well,we talked about it like a
million times,puerto rican-wise.
I mean,what percentage do we count
from the department,like,eight?
Yeah,it's better than two.
Tell you what,you guys want
to go deep on this ***,
I got you by the *** balls,ok?
You know how many african americans
I saved in the course of my career?
I'll tell you how many.
I don't have a *** clue.
I never pulled up,jumped
off the rig and asked who,ok?
Homeless,rich,drunk,high,or
just plain *** stupid.
I didn't give a ***.
You know,you ever think that maybe
the reason there ain't more chinese
and female and black firefighters is 'cause
maybe they just don't want the *** job?
'Cause it ain't a job.
It's a curse.
We get int because we
want to make a difference.
And in a house like this,you start
making a difference right away,right?
You know that.
From the first night,you go
on what,6,7 calls a night?
You start pulling them out one by one,two by
two,all of a sudden you're like *** noah.
You're pulling out tiny
little chinks and sweaty spics
and lazy *** raisin heads
and drunken irish micks,
and name the stereotype,we've
got it,we pull them out.
Meanwhile,what's going on with
your family back home?Right?
Nothing.
You're too busy saving
utter and complete strangers.
You treat your family like
they're in the backseat.
And,god,there ain't enough god
to go around on this job,boys.
So,ultimately
what are you left with?
You got a couple medals on your chest.
I don't even take those.
All I got is that scar on
my hip,a scar on my ***,
and all the *** that's
bottled up in my head.
Yep.
Food,fire,sex.
That's pretty much all I got,boys.
Maybe time for a nap in between.
You know,9 guys gave their lives in the
line of duty down at charleston city.
I don't even care what color
those guys were,because
they were all *** heroes to me.
Is anybody else nervous that he never
mentioned *** in the middle of that speech?
I was too busy wonderin' if
he was gonna eat the damn dish.
Hail mary,full of
grace,the lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb,jesus.
remember the shortest prayer they wrote.
I wish there was a nun here right now.
Sister agnes,catherine.
She'd kick your skinny
little irish *** real good.
Hey there.
Good morning.
Hi.
How's it,uh,how's it going?
Fine.
You must be the,um,waitress,from that,
uh,the soul food place,right?A
friend of my cousin mike's?
- Latrina.
- Latrina.
Lovely.
Uh,ken.
You take it black?
No.
Uh,yes.
I,um,I do-- it's a black
toast,kind of a mucous.
Not me.
I like a little cream in
my coffee,if you know what I mean.
You got any?
Yeah,I think we do.
Should
be on the top shelf there.
So,I,um,I really should get going.
You way want to stick around for a bit.
I make a whale of an omelette.
Oh,yeah,I bet you
do,but I can't be late.
- Your loss.
- Ok.
- Have a good day.
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Have a good omelette.
Good luck.
Hey,doesn't that look like the
car we pancaked the other day?
This thing's built like a tank.
Yeah,the germans.
They're
nuts about safety.
What's the big deal?They got
air bags or something in there?
There's air bags all around in there.
It's like mariah carey
meets anna nicole smith.
They should put a *** on the inside
of each door and be done with it.
Gentlemen,we have a lovely
little knick-knack shop
that the owner probably torched
for the insurance cabbage.
Tommy,you and lou go in the front.
You guys grab black shawn and
head around the back,all right?
You got it.
I got a little problem,pal.
- Which is?
- Hey Hey,joey the jake.
Remember how I caught my
cousin mike bangin' teresa?
Yeah,yeah.
Joey,see you later.
Well,you know,he's like
my favorite relative.
I mean,he's more like a brother
then he is a cousin,you know.
Not to mention the fact that he gave
me an out from a relationship that
otherwise probably would have
meant my sex-related demise.
Right.
And because we're so close,I'm
figuring,you know what,
I'm just gonna swallow it,you
know,let it be,let bygones by bygones.
Yeah.
You know,the thing is,he's
kind of banging this waitress now
and I think that it might
be,like,a regular thing.
What?
- Revenge sex.
- No!
- You're thinking of having revenge sex.
- No!
Oh,you're gonna lie
to me about that--
Tommy,I'm not thinking about having
revenge sex,may god strike me down.
What are you pushin' me for?
- Ok?
- All right.
Well,look,you know what?
Why shouldn't I?*** for tat.
Screw unto others as they
have screwed unto you.
Plus,teresa was my girl,all right?
He crossed the
definite,unwritten,unspoken,invisible line.
- Smitty!
- Hey,smitts,what's up?
Listen,no question,he broke the rule
that no man shall break,all right?
When it comes to ex-girlfriends,we
all know the rule,right?
And until the day she dies,or
you die,anybody,even me,
if I saw her across the street and
I said hello,but I wanted to cross
and say something else,I've got
to have your permission in advance.
Right.
Well,thank you,because
that is exactly what I--
- I know- - hey,handsome
jack,how you doing,pal?
How's things?
Lieutenant,hi,how you doin'?
- Tommy,it's good to see you.
- Good to see you,man.
Did he have more work done?
Yeah,he had a couple more
skin grafts the last one,
they took a piece from of his rear
end,they attached it to his face.
So when he says,kiss my ***
Yeah,he really means it.
I think you should go
ahead and make the move.
You know,come on,life's too
short.
Look at him,you know what I mean?
Yeah,I mean,while you
got your looks,you know?
That's what I'm thinkin'.
There's
only,you know,one problem,though.
Which is what?
Well,she's black.
Are we talkin' halle barry
black,or like jennifer hudson black?
Aretha franklin black.
Now,understand,nothin'
against black women.
I think they happen to
be very,very beautiful.
It's not a racial thing at all.
No,no,no.
I mean,nobody's talkin' about
anybody's skin color or anything.
Exactly.
Let me ask you
this-- can she sing?
How the hell do I know?
Well,I'm just asking,because sometimes
a talent in one area can overcome
or take the edge off a lack
of talent in the other area.
Well,did I also mention that she's fat?
Oh,she's fat.
Huh,well,how fat?
I mean,she'd have to be
able to sing,dance,paint,
and figure skate to take the edge off,and
even then,there'd be a lot of edge left.
Ok.
Well,you know what?
You'd have to be psychologically
damaged or,you know,
maybe even have a dent in your head to even think about possibly
having sex with somebody under those particular circumstances.
You think?
Yeah,I think so.
I'm thinking the sooner the better.
Yeah,maybe tomorrow.
You
know what I mean?
Really get right back at him.
Hey,guys.
Hey,guys,check it out,look
at what shawn found.
Antique lamp.
Totally untouched
by the fire or the smoke.
- Pretty cool,huh?
- Get over,you mugs!
- What?
- All right,3 things,ok?
This is private property,which
means it belongs to someone,
which means it has memories
and emotions attached to it.
Could possibly be a family heirloom.
Ok,second,taking private
property from the scene of a fire,
damaged or not,ok,is against
department regulations.
What's the third thing,will?
It looks like the reading
lamp from a bedside table,
which means there's probably another
one exactly like it lying around.
If you can find that and bring it
directly to me,I'd appreciate it.
Thank you.
You know what,that's gonna go real nice with the headboard
you got out of the furniture warehouse fire last week.
- It's the fun side of arson.
- I know.
Hey,by the way,fineberg's been makin'
a lot of noises about you lately.
Ok,what kind of noises?
- Like transfer noises,all right?
- Why?
The guy thinks you're a nut.
He thinks you're
unstable,we all know that,blah,blah,blah,
but what he's really pissed at is the
whole daughter not getting touched thing.
Ok,ok,how many times do
I have I have to say it?
- The daughter is completely- -
I know,she's completely insane.
She's completely crazy.
It's
a problem we can easily fix.
How?
You take her out one more time,ok?
You pour like 2 or 3 drinks
in her and you cop a feel.
Whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,cop a feel?
What,you give her a little
kiss here,a little kiss there,
a little squeezy,squeezy,squeezy,a
little *** action,you know.
You feel her up a little bit.
- Bing,***,boom done deal.
- Bing,***,boom?
All right,look,I meant
that metaphor,you know,
at more on the lines of dropping
her home then *** intercourse.
Ok,ok,ok,now,define a little
when it comes to,you know--
I'm talking about,you
know,,A little finger action.
Finger action?
What do you want me
to say?Third base,ok?
- You want to get transferred?
- No!
Well,then use your head and
use your fingers a little bit.
Ok,ok.
Hey,guys.
Look what I found.
Present from me to you,jack.
- Thanks,lou.
- You're welcome.
Oh,christ.
Are you sure that's his ***,because there's a part
of his chin right here that looks a little bit like.
***.
I know,I know.
See,I don't like to think of it
that way because it's too creepy.
So what I like to do is imagine that they
grafted some other part of his body over that.
- Elbow.
- Elbow.
That's what we'll do.
- Elbow skin.
- Elbow skin
By the way,elbow skin?
- Yeah.
- Not a band name for a band.
I think it is the name of a band.
Is this a keeper?
That is a keeper if ever I've seen one.
Ok.
Oh,jesus christ,I just
saw the *** again.
You looked again,didn't you?Walk it off.
It was an accident,total accident.
Oh,the T.
P.
S.
Reports.
So what did you have to buy colleen
to get this address out of her?
A new car.
Wait.
If you'd seen the *** box that she
was sticking the *** baby in--
Language.
Oh,sorry.
Whatever.
I don't want you here.
This is a fresh start for me,and
I do not need this ***.
Oh,language.
You're sleeping with your new boss,
and you don't want me coming around because
you don't want him comparing himself to me--
Uh,bob,this is my ex-husband,um
- Tommy.
- Sorry.
Um,bob,tommy.
Uh,janet,here are the specs
on the new boutique building.
Digest that,I'll run over
it all with you after lunch.
Great.
Thanks.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
Don't get cocky.
I'm not gettin' cocky.
You know,I assume that you not
only got the address from colleen,
but you also finagled the fact
that I have a boyfriend named bob.
Yes,but colleen,she
lied about--
Yeah,well,that's not the
bob that I'm sleeping with.
- Uh,this is.
- What?
Uh,bob,this is my ex,tommy gavin.
- Tommy,how you doin'?
- Hey.
How are ya?
J,we've got a showing in 10 minutes.
Yeah,I know.
She's taken to this job
like she was born to it.
She's a natural.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm ready when you are.
Ok.
Let me check my desk.
Nice to meet you,tommy.
Really admire what you do,keepin' the
world safe for the rest of us schmucks.
- J,5 minutes?
- Yeah.
What'd do you tell him about me?
Don'T.
You know,I could be wearing a suit like
that,wanted to spend my money on myself,
but I prefer to spend my
money--our money on us.
On you and me and the
kids.
Here you go,ok?
What's that?
- It's a credit card.
- No,no.
I don't want it.
No,I want you to have this
in case there's anything--
No,I don't want any of sheila's money.
Does it say sheila keefe on
there?It says janet gavin,ok?
It's not a loan,it's our money.
She's not even-- she's over the baby thing
and the whole nine yards,so just take it.
What,she has no interest in wyatt?
We're changing the
baby's name,all right?
Did you see the reviews for the latest kevin
costner thing?The corporate kill mr.
Brooks thing?
Ok,his name is wyatt.
Forever.
You know,bob seems to love it.
Which bob?
The short,balding bob,or,you know,big,tall,handsome
I'm bangin' your wife bob,huh?
One more thing,his eyes?
Those are--they call them
cat's eye lenses.
Chicks wear ok?
Modeling chicks,oh,yeah.
It's the first
time I ever saw a guy wearing them.
Yeah,he's got like
husky dog eyes,going-
- What the?
- Go.
- I'm going.
- Go.
- Yeah?
- Hey.
- What are you doin'?
- Nothin'.
Why.
What are you doin'?
- Ah,same.
- Cool.
So,you know,just callin' to check
in,see how you're doin'.
You all right?
I don't know,man.
You know,sometimes I think--
it's almost been a year now,
and I haven't had a
drop,and,yeah,do I have a clear head?
Yeah,I have a clear
head.
Do I have clarity?Yeah.
But,you know,what else
do I have to show for it?
You know what I mean?Nothin'.
What do you mean,nothin' to show for it?
You're clean,you're
livin' an honest life.
What are you so afraid of?
I'm not afraid
of--wh-what?
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- ***.
You're wakin' up honest and with
clarity and with full knowledge of
what you said and yo and
you did the night before.
You wanna feel the other
way?I tell you what.
Take a hammer,and hit yourself 3 or 4 good shots in
the side of the head when you wake up in the morning.
See how that feels,all right?
You're right.
You know,I'M
I'm glad you called.
I'm serious.
You helped me.
You
helped me.
You're right.
Yeah.
Not a problem.
All right.
Hey.
Hey,how you doin'?
Um,the knee's still really
sore,but,you know,I feel better.
A lot better.
Yeah?What are you doin'?
Um,nothin'.
Just chillin'.
- Doin' what?
- Nothin'.
You're mopin',aren't you?
I'm not mopin'.
Yeah.
You're having a giant
mope fest over there,aren't you?
No.
I was justreadin'.
You're reading.
That guarantees me that
you're moping,all right?
Here's what I want you to do,all right?
When they were bringing me down at the
fire escape the other night by your place,
I noticed down the block
there's like a bar-cafe thing.
I want you to put
away the ice cream--
yeah,yeah,I know you're eating ice
cream,yeah,which guarantees again,moping.
I want you to put on something nice,go
down there and meet somebody,all right?
Preferably a girl.
I got another call coming in.
Bye.
Yeah?
You busy tonight?
I'm workin' at the firehouse,why?
Literally?
I only need you for about 3 minutes.
Yeah,well,I know.
But it'll take me 45 to get over
there and another 45 to get back.
I really--I
can't do it.
Can I take a rain check?
All right,pal.
Here.
Here.
Ready?
Ready?
I want you to fetch,all right?
Fetch,ready?1,2,3,go!
Get it!
Look,look,look at the ball!
See the kid chasin' the ball?
Dogs have been doing this for
ages with their owners,pal.
Thank you,appreciate it.
Charlie.
Charlie!
Ch--
Ah,whatever.
Hello?
It's me.
Hey,how you doin'?
We've kinda been missing
you at the family meetings.
Yeah,I'll bet.
Listen,I need to talk to you.
Well,go ahead,talk away.
I got
nothin' but time right now.
No,no,no.
I mean in person.
- Face to face.
- Why?
Because I'm your ***
father,that's why.
Meet me at hanrahan'S.
The bar?
No,the synagogue.
***.
Be here within an hour,and come alone.
All right.
Nice talkin' to ya.
Hey,what do you got?Hey,come here.
Oh,jesus.
Well
it's a start.
Come on.
Come on.
Drop it.
Drop it,drop it
So you quit drinkin'?
It's between me and you.
Yeah,I know.
And you decide to quit while you're sitting
every day apparently here in hanrahan's bar,
conceivable,imaginable type of ***?
You sit here all day drinking coffee
and tea,this is how you test yourself?
You gotta face your fears,kid.
Look 'em straight in the eye.
I spent sixty some odd
years beltin' down the ***,
I might as well try
my last 15 or so sober.
See what it's like.
You plan on--you'll
be,like,97 years old?
Why not?My dad did.
Listen,I'm doing this my way.
Why'd you ask me down here?
I want you to tell me what you guys are
talkin' about in the meeting,you know?
Just so I can,you know,kind
of like compare notes.
we talk about god.
God?
Yeah,you know,faith.
Christ.
Yeah,well,we know how
you feel about those two.
The great,all-powerful god.
Where was god when I landed on a beach in normandy
and every other guy was getting his head blown off?
When I had to fight off those 5 nazis,fighting
for my life with only a rock in my bare hands.
Then,huh?
Don't talk to me about god.
As far as I'm concerned,god
was your mother.
The way she raised you
kids,the love she showed you,
the way she helped you overcome all the
stuff that scared the *** out of you.
The height thing,the bee thing.
Your mother was a saint.
What heights thing?I'm not afraid of
heights.
What are you talkin' about?
I'm a *** fireman for christ sake.
I'm up in the ladder,I'm in the
bucket every other *** day.
No,not now,thanks to her.
Christ,she couldn't even
put you in a high chair.
But she cured you.
She took you up on the roof and held you
over the side and tickled you with her nose.
Next think you know,you were beggin'
her to throw you up in the air.
What was the bee thing?
You were deathly afraid of them.
You used to wear a wool hat in summer
so they wouldn't bite you on the head.
I don't think you ever got
over that.
There's one now.
Where?
Got you!
Hello?
Hello!
What do I gotta be quiet for?
Hang on.
Done.
Ok,now I can talk.
I was just wondering
what's up with elvis.
Can I tell you one thing?The
elvis thing,that name has to go,ok?
Because,I mean-- by the
time he gets to high school,
kids are gonna be dropping drugs on his feet and
peanut butter--fried peanut butter sandwiches,ok?
Elvis is evergreen,***.
It's
like jesus.
It's a sacred name.
It's not like jesus!It's
nothing like jesus!
I got the baby coming
back in a couple of days,
and then basically it's
just you and me sharing him.
By the way,you-- what
floor are you on now?
I live on the fifth floor.
Why?
What about window guards?
You got window guards and
things out there on the terrace?
The kid can barely sit up.
How's he
gonna make it out to the terrace?
All right,he starts sittin'
up,and the next thing you know,
he sees a bird,he wants to
touch it,he goes out there,
seconds later he's bouncing
off the roof of a taxi,ok?
Eric clapton's kid,does
that ring a bell?
Oh,ok,well,I'll get some window guards.
You sure it's the fifth floor?'Cause it seemed
much higher then that the last time I was--
I think I know what floor
I live on,you big dipshit.
Anywho,so day after tomorrow?
Yeah,yeah.
I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Jesus christ.
Bless me,father,for I've sinned.
It has been 3 days since my last
confession.
These are my sins.
I took the name of the
lord in vain 67 times.
I was envious of my neighbor
shirley and her new boyfriend sal.
I stole the newspaper from
shirley's doorstep one morning,and
I had impure thoughts while I was watching
last week's episode of according to jim.
Father?
I'm sorry.
I won't watch that show anymore.
Well
God wants you to watch-- I don't
think he cares about the show.
I think you should,uh,just
cut down on the name thing,
and the stealing thing's
probably not a good idea,and,uh
just,you know,say,um,say,um
the hail mary.
Say one hail mary.
Actually,just say the
last part of the hail mary.
The last couple lines of the hail mary.
Holy mary,mother of god,pray for our sinners
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
Hour of our death,***.
- What?
- What?
Wh-what?
you're all set.
- That's it?
- Yeah,that's total absolution.
Stay away from the name thing and
the stealin' thing,and you'll be
golden.
Amen.
All right,see you.
Oh,uh,the,uh
it's broke.
Buy me a drink?
Yeah.
T-totally.
What--uh,what
are you drinking?
I'm having a bourbon.
Bourbon?Ok.
Hey,uh--I'm
sorry-- bartender.
Can I get a bourbon for the lady?
You're really super
cute,do you know that?
You have this boyishness about you.
Really?
You have really soulful eyes.
Please.
Uh,well,what do you think of me?
You--you,I
meanyou're slammin'.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Totally hot.
Well,thank you,sweetie pie.
Yeah.
How'd you like to get in on a
little mother-daughter action?
Let's go.
Oh,this could be a problem.
Do you want a drink first,or,uh
do you want to just get right to it?
Oh,I,well,I guess we--we sh-should
just get right to it,right?
Ok.
Yeah.
Ma?Are you still up?
Well,well.
He's delicious.
Here's a new one,boys.
We got a window washer hanging off a
broken scaffold on the side of a building.
About how high up are we talking?
Only 35 floors.
I thought those guys are
supposed to work in pairs.
Yeah,well,batchelor number 2 took
a nosedive and kissed the curb.
I guess the curb didn't kiss back,huh?
And humpty dumpty had a great fall.
He just lost points on his landing.
Let's go,ladies.
All right,what do we got?
He He just regained consciousness.
He keeps reaching for that rope,he's gonna loosen
the knot and join his buddy on the pavement.
Jesus christ,I got it.
You're up.
Hey,I'll go wichita.
That thing's not gonna
take this amount of weight.
Come on,tommy,let's go.
All
right--unh.
Be careful.
Come on.
He's not gonna make
it much longer.
Get out there.
******
Hey,***,stop shakin' it!
All right.
Hang on.
mother of god
oh,***.
Pray for us sinners
now and in the hour of our death.
Amen.
Ok.
Here I come,pal.
Here comes the rope.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
- You got it?
- Yeah.
All right.
Holy ***.
Come on up,pal.
- Thank you.
- All right.
jesus christ.
You ok?
Ok,let's go inside now.
Don't look down.