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HAVE BEEN MARRIED 15 TIMES.
WHICH IS PREFERABLE?
>> I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 15
TIMES, SO DON'T YOU THINK I
LIKE LIVING ALONE?
I WAS IN BED AND DOING MY
TALKING POINTS AND I HAD MY
CEREAL BOWL FROM EARLY IN THE
MORNING IN MY BED AND I HAD
THE CARCASS OF MY LUNCH ON MY
PILLOW.
I NEVER EVEN WENT INTO THE
KITCHEN.
AND THERE IT IS I TOOK A
PICTURE.
I HAD A SALAD AND THAT'S MY
CEREAL BOWL.
>> WHERE IS THE CARCASS.
>> THAT IS MY POINT.
IF YOU LIVE ALONE YOU TURN
YOUR BED INTO A DINNER TABLE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IT IS AWESOME.
>> DO YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF
ASLEEP IN THE KITCHEN?
>> NO, THE KITCHEN IS MY BED.
>> THE BED IS SO FAR AWAY, I
WILL PUT MY HEAD ON THE
FRIGE.
AND THEN OPEN IT UP.
>> AND THEN YOU CLOSE IT.
>> WHO NEEDS A BATHROOM?
JUST PUT THE OLD PICTURE
THERE.
>> ISN'T NOT LIVING ALONE
ABOUT ONE THING?
IT IS NOT CHOKING TO DEATH.
>> THAT'S WHY I DON'T EAT
SOLID.
HAVEN'T IN YEARS.
YOU -- I NEVER GOT THE
MARRIAGE THING, THE ROOMMATE
THING.
I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WITH
PEOPLE ALL THE TIME.
>> NOBODY WANTS TO BE AROUND
YOU.
I HAD THREE ROOMMATES BECAUSE
THEY WERE EITHER UNEMPLOYED,
OUT OF A MARRIAGE WHICH IS
SAD, BUT I KICKED THEM OUT.
I WITHDRAW ALL OF THOSE THINGS
IF THE ROOMMATE OR POSSIBLE
SPOUSE IS RICH.
>> WELL I LIVE WITH PEOPLE FOR
ECONOMIC REASONS.
>> WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU HAVE
THESE PEOPLE DESCRIBING WHAT
YOU CALL THE CHARMING I HAD
YOW SIN CRAW SEES.
THEY CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT THEY
ARE REALLY DOING.
IF THEY ARE READY TO ADMIT
THEY ARE EATING PEANUT BUTTER
NUDE, WHAT ARE THEY REALLY
DOING?
I READ THE STATISTIC, AND I
DON'T REMEMBER WHERE -- THEY
HAD 80% OF ELECTRIC
TOOTHBRUSHES --
>> I JUST BOUGHT MY GIRLFRIEND
ONE AND SHE IS LIKE, I CAN'T
WAIT TO USE THIS ONE WHEN YOU
ARE GONE.
>> PEOPLE DO WEIRD THINGS WHEN
THEY ARE ALONE.
>> YOU DO WEIRD THINGS WHEN
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
>> BUT I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT
IN NEW YORK WHERE YOU CAN SEE
THROUGH EVERYBODY'S WINDOWS.
24R* ARE PEOPLE WHO DO UNUSUAL
THINGS.
>> YOU HAVE BINOCULARS
THOUGH.
>> SO YOU SPY ON YOUR
NEIGHBORS?
>> NO, THEY SPY ON ME.
>> YOU ARE A PEEPER.
>> THEY SPY ON ME.
I HAVE A THEORY IF YOU MAKE 50
COPIES -- IF YOU WROTE ON A
PIECE OF PAPER PLEASE CLOSE
YOUR WINDOW, THIS IS
DISTURBING, AND YOU JUST --
YOU MADE 50 COPIES AND PUT IT
UNDER EVERY APARTMENT DOOR,
NOBODY WOULD QUESTION IT.
THEY WOULD GO, OH MY GOD I
SHOULD HAVE CLOSED THE
WINDOW.
>> I WOULD HAVE WENT, IT'S A
PARTY.
WHERE ARE YOU?
3E'S ON FIRE.
>> IT IS NEW YORK.
EVERYBODY IS WEIRD HERE.
>> NEW YORK IS SELF-SELECT FOR
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE ALONE
AND DO WEIRD THINGS.
>> IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO
TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.
>> THAT IS OUR NEW SLOGAN FOR
THIS FAIR CITY.
>> COME TO NEW YORK AND, YOU
KNOW, TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.
>> STRANGE, STRANGE THING.
I TELL YOU, PEOPLE WHEN THEY
ARE ALONE INDULGE IN --
>> STOP SCARING ME WHEN YOU
SAY ALONE.
I LAKE MY LIFE.
>> WHEN MEN LIVE ALONE TOO
LONG THEY ARE FAT DRUNKS.
>> I DO HAVE A LOT OF SECURITY
AT MY BUILDING, STALKERS.
>>> ARE WHITE PEOPLE THE ROOT
OF ALL EVIL?
WE DISCUSS SHERROD SMALL'S
LATEST BOOK, YES, BUT I WILL
STILL DATE THEM.
>> IT IS ALSO A SHORT FILM.
>> WAS THE FIRING OF ESPN A
BIGGOT OR MODERN DAY
>>> WAS HE FIRED WHEN HE
SHOULD BE ADMIRED?
ANTHONY FREDERICO WAS CANNED
AFTER HIS "*** IN THE ARMOR"
HEADLINE.
AND NOW HE HAS TAKEN TO THE
INTERNET TO LET YOU KNOW HE IS
A GREAT GUY AFTER APOLOGIZING
FOR THE HEADLINE THAT HE
INSISTS WAS A LAPSE IN
JUDGMENT AND NOT A RACIST
PUBLIC.
HE WRITES, QUOTE, IF THOSE
WHOVILLE FIE ME WOULD TAKE A
DEEPER LOOK AT MY LIFE I AM
EXACTLY HOW SOME ARE
PORTRAYING ME.
ON THE DAY OF THE INCIDENT I
GOT A CALL FROM A FRIEND WHO
WAS HOMELESS AND RUSHED TO HIS
AID.
HE WAS COLLAPSED ON THE SIDE
OF THE ROAD.
THEY WOULD SEE HOW I PICKED
HIM UP AND GOT HIM A HOTEL
ROOM AND FED HIM.
THAT'S GREAT, BUT THERE IS
MORE.
I USED MY VACATION TIME TO
VOLUNTEER IN THE ORPHANAGES IN
HAITI, HOW I ADOPTED AN
ELDERLY ALZHEIMER PATIENT AND
VISITED HIM EVERY DAY FOR A
YEAR.
>> YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
>> HE HAS DONE A COUPLE OF
GOOD THINGS.
THERE IS MORE.
THEY WOULD SEE EVERY WINTER I
ORGANIZE A COAT DRIVE FOR
THOSE LESS FORTUNATE IN NEW
HAVEN.
I RAISED 10 GRAND FOR A FRIEND
IN NEED WHEN HIS KIDS WERE
BORN PREMATURE.
THIS GUY MAKES MOTHER THERESA
LOOK BAD.
THEY WOULD SEE I WORK IN SOUP
CICHERS AND CONVALESCENT HOMES
SINCE WAS A KID.
I'M STARTING TO WON -- WONDER
HOUND.
THEY WOULD SEE THIS WAS NOT
DONE FOR GLORY, BUT FOR GOD.
SOUNDS ALMOST AS SELF-LESS AS
I DO.
WHAT IF THIS IS TRUE?
IT SOUNDS LIKE --
>> MAYBE IT IS TRUE, GREG, BUT
HERE IS THE THING, NONE OF THE
PEOPLE ON THAT LIST WAS ASIAN,
WERE THEY?
THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
HOMELESS, NOT ASIAN.
HATIAN, NOT ASIAN.
YOU MADE A COMMENT ABOUT AN
ASIAN PERSON.
TELL ME ABOUT AN ASIAN PERSON
YOU HELPED.
>> AND IT WASN'T A HOMELESS
GUY BECAUSE THERE ARE NO
HOMELESS ASIANS.
>> HERE IS THE THING ABOUT THE
JEREMY LIN THING.
NOTHING SAYS THE ECONOMY IS
DOING SO BADLY THAN THIS KID.
AN ASIAN KID, HARVARD GRADUATE
AND AN ECON MAJOR WHO HAS TO
PLAY BASKETBALL TO PAY HIS
RENT.
>> CAN I JUST SAY, I THOUGHT
HE ONLY GOT 140 CHARACTERS ON
TWITTER.
HOW MANY TWEETS IS THAT?
>> THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON
FACEBOOK.
>> WAS IT TWITTER?
>> IS THIS SOME BIG LIE OR
SOMETHING?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF HE IS
LYING.
>> ARE YOU SAYING THAT THING
HE WROTE?
>> HE REALLY WROTE THAT.
>> ARE YOU SURE?
>> YES.
>> IT IS ON HIS I AM AWESOME
.ORG BLOG.
>> HOW DOES A HOMELESS GUY
CALL HIM?
>> YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
LOOKING FOR A JOB HOMELESS
GUY, NOT CALLING YOUR STUPID
RACIST FRIEND.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD
POINT.
HOW DID THE HOMELESS GUY HAVE
A CELL PHONE?
I DON'T THINK HOMELESS PEOPLE
GET CELL PONES.
>> HOW ABOUT LIFELINE?
>> WAS THAT A LIE?
>> DID WE MAKE THAT UP?
>> WE MADE THAT UP.
>> I CAN'T REMEMBER IF I
DREAMT IT OR I READ IT.
IT IS WEIRD IF IT IS TRUE.
I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT, BUT IT
SOUNDS LIKE -- I MEAN NEVER
WRITE ALL OF MY GOOD DEEDS, IT
SEEMS WEIRD.
>> HE JUST GOT FIRED.
>> I DON'T HAVE ANY GOOD
DEEDS.
I HAVE BAD DEEDS.
I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE THE
HOMELESS PERSON.
YOU COULD VERIFY.
NO?
>> NO, I WOULD USE IT TO GET A
JOB.
READ THE RULES OF LIFE.
I BELIEVE THIS ENDLESS GROCERY
LIST OF GOOD DEEDS HE TALKS
ABOUT.
AND I BELIEVE HE REALLY DIDN'T
MEAN THE SLUR HE SAID HE
MEANT.
THAT HE DIDN'T MEAN.
HIS LAST LINE -- IN THE END I
WROTE IT AND I TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
READ EVERYTHING YOU SAID
BEFORE THAT.
YOU DIDN'T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ANY OF IT.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY ANY
DEFENSE THIS LONG RAISES
SUSPICION.
>> IF I MIGHT QUOTE
SHAKESPEARE'S HAMLET, ACT 3,
SCENE 2, I'M SURE YOU ARE
FAMILIAR WITH IT.
THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO
MUCH.
>> BRAVO.
>> IT WAS A GUY AND NOT A
LADY.
>> I KNOW, BUT THE POINT IS
THE LADY IE THIS GUY,
PROTESTED TOO MUCH.
SO THAT MEANS MAYBE --
>> IF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE
THE GUY WAS PROBABLY ONE OF
THE NEW YORK POST HEADLINES --
FRONT PAGE HEADLINE WRITERS
WHO SAY THE MOST EDGY,
BIZARRE, OUT OF CONTROL
THINGS.
HE WAS TRYING TO BE CREATIVE
AND GOT CARRIED AWAY.
>> IF HE WAS A GOOD KID I FEEL
BAD, BUT I DON'T SEE HOW THIS
IS RELEVANT TO PED WHAT.
>> THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FOR
TRYING TO BE FUNNY.
LEAVE THE FUNNY UP TO THE
PROFESSIONALS.
>> SIN BAD IS ON THE LIFELINE
PROGRAM.
I JUST THINK IT IS WEIRD.
THE WHOLE COLMN IS WEIRD.
IT MAY BE TRUE THOUGH.
WHO KNOWS ?
PERHAPS WE WILL JUST MOVE ON
AND TAKE A BREAK.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE
SHOW?
E MAIL US.
TO LEAVE A VOICEMAIL
212-462-5050.
STILL TO COME, THE HALF TIME
REPORT FROM ANDY LEVY.
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD HE
SAYS.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY ICE.
THE WATER FROZEN INTO A SOLID
UPON REACHING A TEMPERATURE OF
32 DRIES.
THANKS, ICE.
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE GOT
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO TV'S ANDY
LEVY.
HOW IS IT GOING?
>> THANKS, HOW IS IT GOING
WITH YOU?
>> GOOD TO HEAR.
GREG HOW DOWRY FER TO JASON
ALEXZANDER AS THE DUMPY ACTOR
1234* HE WAS GEORGE KASTANZA.
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
>> HE WASN'T MY FAVORITE
CHARACTER ON "SEINFIELD."
>> BUT HE WAS GEORGE.
YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD TO FULLY
INHABIT A CHARACTER.
>> YOU KNOW WHO I LIKE THE
BLACK GUY.
>> SHERROD, YOU ARE THINKING
THE BLACK GUY ON "FRIENDS."
>> THE BEST SEINFIELD
CHARACTER WAS ELAINE'S
ROOMMATE.
DO YOU REMEMBER HER?
>> FROM THE EARLY EPISODES ?
>> SHE WAS GREAT.
>> SHE DIDN'T LAST LONG.
>> SHE WAS SO FUNNY.
>> SHERROD, YOU SAID YOU
GUESSED ALEXZANDER DOESN'T
LIKE MITT ROMNEY, BUT HE
SEEMED LIKE HE SAID ROMNEY
1.0, BUT NOT ROMNEY 2.0.
>> ANYBODY THAT SAYS I LIKE
THE OLD YOU, THAT MEANS THE
NEW YOU, SUCK IT.
>> RICK, YOU SAID ROMNEY HAS
TRIED THAT EIGHT TIMES AND
HASN'T GOT THE QUOTE RIGHT.
AS BILL POINTED OUT IT WAS
THREE TIMES AND NOT EIGHT.
>> IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
>> YES, A DIFFERENCE OF FIVE.
AND IT IS TRUE HE HAS GOTTEN
IT WRONG EACH TIME.
DON'T YOU THINK ONE OF THE
TECHNICIANS WOULD HAVE NOTICED
THAT?
>> SPEECH WRITER, AID,
SOMEBODY.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO QUOTE A
CHARACTER OR A SHOW OR A FILM,
YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY GET THAT
RIGHT.
>> HE WAS IMPLYING THAT MITT
ROMNEY WAS A ROBOT.
>> HYSTERICAL.
>> THIS GOES ALONG WITH YOU
SAYING THAT YOU ALSO STOPPED
WHEN THE LAUGHTER COMES.
I'M ASSUMING YOU JUST NEVER
STOP.
>> I AM ACTUALLY FUNNIER THAN
I APPEAR.
>> I WISH YOU WERE FUNNIER
THAN YOU WERE.
>> WOW.
>> I KID, I KID.
I LOVE THE LEVENTHAL.
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THAT BAD
FOR A NONCOMEDY WRITER.
>> I DIDN'T LIKE HOW HE WENT
2B2.
>> YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT FIT.
>> THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND THE STORY.
>> I WILL GET TO THAT WHEN WE
GET TO THAT.
>> FREE CELL PHONES FOR THE
POOR.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID THIS
STORY.
GREG YOU SAID LAST YEAR THE
GOVERNMENT COVERED THE BILLS
OF 12 MILLION WIRELESS
ACCOUNTS.
TAKE 3 MILLION AND MULTIPLY IT
BY EIGHT AND TAKE OFF YOUR
PANTS AND WALK TO THE WINDOW
AND WAVE.
THE PART ABOUT THE PANTS AND
THE WINDOW SEEMED GRATUITOUS.
>> DO YOU THINK SO?
>> IT CAME ACROSS THAT WAY.
>> IF YOU STILL HAVEN'T DONE
IT WE WILL DO IT NOW.
WE WILL WAIT.
>> BUT YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT
THAT AND IT STILL WORKS.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> THAT'S THE PART YOU FAILED
TO LET THE CONSUMERS KNOW.
>> I KNOW.
>> I APOLOGIZE.
>> YOU WERE OKAY WITH THE
LIFELINE PROGRAM, BUT IT
CUSSERS WIRELESS PLANS.
THEY CAN TEXT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
THEN IT IS OKAY.
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE OPPOSED
TO THE TEXTING.
>> ONLY IF YOU ARE TEXTING
CERTAIN THINGS.
>> OKAY.
>> LIKE SEXTING.
>> TEXTING.
>> WHAT ABOUT EMERGENCY
SEXTING?
JAY THAT WOULD QUALIFY UNDER
THE NEW RULES.
>> JULIETTE, IF YOU CAN'T
AFFORD A PHONE YOU SAID YOU
SHOULD USE A PAY PHONE.
AND GET ARRESTED FOR BEING A
DRUG DEALER?
>> TOUCHE.
VERY NICE.
USUALLY I'M IN MY LIMO AND I
DON'T LOOK.
>> IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT
THESE DAYS, YOUR LIMO?
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I DON'T GET IT.
>> IT IS THE ONE TRAIN,
JULIETTE.
IT IS THE ONE TRAIN.
>> BUT IT IS A STRETCH.
>> I DON'T DO SUBWAYS.
>> AND YOU SAID THE POINT OF
THE PROGRAM IS SO PEOPLE CAN
MAKE EMERGENCY CALLS.
IT IS NOT TRUE.
THEY CAN MAKE WHATEVER CALLS
THEY WANT.
>> IT SHOULD BE THEY JUST MAKE
EMERGENCY CALLS.
>> MY POINT IS SO THEY CAN GET
JOB INTERVIEWS.
>> IT ALWAYS LEADS TO SOME
KIND OF FRAUD.
>> IT IS GOVERNMENT.
>> THE WEBSITE SAYS ONE OF THE
FUTURE GOALS FOR THIS PROGRAM
IS ENSURING AVAILABILITY OF
BROADBAND FOR LOW INCOME
AMERICANS.
SO IT IS INTERNET NEXT.
>> THAT'S GOOD.
KIDS CAN GET SOME BROADBAND.
IT IS EXCELLENT.
>> WHAT IS NEXT?
GO CARTS.
>> WE NEED GO CARTS.
WE CAN GO PLACES.
>> CAN I BE IN THE CENTER
SQUARE?
>> MAYBE YOU CAN.
ACCORDING TO THE UN, MORE
PEOPLE HAVE ACCESS TO A CELL
PHONE THAN A TOILET, SO
SHERROD IS CORRECT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> YOU WERE QUESTIONING IT SO
I WANTED TO SAY HE WAS
CORRECT.
>> MORE PEOPLE TBOT PHONES
THAN TOILET BOWLS IN A LOT OF
COUNTRIES.