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>>> TONIGHT ON "RED EYE."
>> COMING UP ON "RED EYE," HAS
THE FBI FINALLY FOUND THE
ALCATRAZ ESCAPEES?
SHOCKING NEW EVIDENCE SUGGESTS
THEY ARE ALIVE AND WELL LIVING
IN A VOLCANO.
PLUS HOW MANY CONSECUTIVE HIGH
FIVE'S DID THE PRESIDENT
DEMAND FROM JOE BIDEN WHEN
JAROD LETO WON A GOLDEN
GLOBE?
>> I SAID LET'S NOT SETTLE FOR
15.
LET'S DO 45.
>> AND IS CHINA MAKING A SUPER
DUCK FOR THE RUN AT THE
OLYMPICS?
NONE OF THESE STORIES ON "RED
EYE" TONIGHT.
>> AND NOW LET'S WELCOME OUR
GUESTS.
SHE IS SO BRITISH HER CASTLE
LIVES IN A CASTLE.
I AM HERE WITH BROADWAY.COM
NEWS EDITOR, I'M MA GENERAL
LLOYD WEBBER -- I'M MOW
GENERAL LLOYD WEBBER AND SHE
IS NODDING BECAUSE THAT IS HER
NAME.
AND IT IS A LOFTY GOAL FOR
ANDY LEVY.
AND HE NOT ONLY HATES WHITE
PEOPLE, HE HATES BLACK PEOPLE
WHO KNOW WHITE PEOPLE.
IT IS COMEDIAN SHERROD SMALL.
>> AND HE SURVIVED ONLY ON THE
BLOOD OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
ELDERLY.
IT IS DAILY BEAST CULTURAL
NEWS EDITOR MICHAEL MOYNAHAN.
LOOKING SCARY.
>> A BLOCK, THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY.
SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS YOUR
SOCK, GREG.
AND THEN I COULD BE WITH YOU
EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
>> THAT'S ROMANTIC.
ALL RIGHT.
ANYWAY, DON'T LET YOUR POT GO
TO POT.
IT IS TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR --
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
>> SHERROD, WE KEEP USING
THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THAT'S THE ESSENCE OF OUR
SHOW.
>> OH MAN.
>> HOW FITTING YOU WOULD
INTERRUPT THIS SEGMENT.
COLORADO HAS LEGALIZED
MARIJUANA, BUT YOU STILL WANT
TAKE IT ON A PLANE.
NOW ONE AIRPORT IS PUTTING UP
AMNESTY BOXES FOR PEOPLE WHO
DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
IT IS SIMILAR TO THE ONES THEY
HAVE FOR PEOPLE WHO DROP OFF
THINGS LIKE POCKET KNIVES,
SAYSERS AND BABIES.
THEY SAY THEY WILL HELP PEOPLE
WHO DON'T WANT TO MISS THEIR
FLIGHTS, BUT DON'T WANT TO PAY
A $2500 FINE FOREGOING THAT --
FOR GOING TO JAIL.
BOTTOM LINE, GET HIGH ON THE
WAY TO THE AIRPORT.
>> THAT'S GORGEOUS.
>> ROBIN WILLIAMS IS GETTING
HARRIER.
SHERROD, I KNOW YOU WOULD
NEVER, EVER BRING POT ON THE
PLANE.
YOU WON'T STOP TALKING
ANYWAY.
WILL THIS LEAD TO PEOPLE
STEPPING OUTSIDE AND SMOKE
THEIR WEED BEFORE THEY GET ON
THE PLANE?
IT WILL BE A DISASTER.
>> GREG, I SENT YOU THREE
E-MAILS AND YOU DIDN'T RETURN
ANY OF THEM.
GREG, I KNOW YOU ARE BLOWING
UP AND YOU ARE HOSTING "THE
FIVE" AND EVERYBODY IS
IMPRESSED.
BUT RETURN MY E-MAILS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WILL YOU DO THE SORRY?
WILL YOU DO THE STORY?
>> I WILL.
BUT RETURN MY E-MAIL.
>> I WAS BUSY.
>> I WANTED TO KNOW WHO I
SHOULD ATTACK ON THE
INDEPENDENTS AND BARNEY AND
COMPANY.
I WENT IN BLINDED.
LET'S GET TO THE SHOW.
>> I'M ASSUMING YOU ARE NOT
ANSWERING THE QUESTION.
>> I WANT TO COLLECT THOSE
BOXES.
WHOSE THE DUDE WHOSE JOB IT IS
TO COLLECT THE SHOVE IN THE
BOXES.
I WOULD LOVE THAT JOB OF I
WILL WORK FOR FREE AS LONG AS
GREG RETURNS MY E-MAILS.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
GREG?
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU
CAN'T RETURN E-MAILS?
>> STOP WITH THE E-MAILS.
>> I LOVE YOU, BUT GO AHEAD.
>> MOYNAHAN IS THIS GOING TO
END UP LIKE THAT EPISODE ON
"THE WIRE" WHERE THEY SET UP
THE DRUG TOLERANCE ZONES AND
YOU HAVE PEOPLE WANDERING
AROUND LIKE THIS LOOKING A LOT
LIKE YOU?
SKINNY, EMACIATED AND PERHAPS
WITH HEPITITIS?
>> A COUPLE OF THEM.
A COUPLE OF LETTERS, B'S C'S
E'S.
I DID A LOT OF POT BEFORE I
CAME IN HERE.
YOU DON'T RETURN MY E-MAILS
EITHER.
IS THIS THE GRIEVANCE
SESSION?
>> I SENT YOU SO MANY
E-MAILS.
SOME WERE ABOUT THIS STORY.
LET ME TELL YOU THIS --
>> WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,
GREG?
>> MR. BIG SHOT, LET ME
ANSWER.
OH, I KNOW DANA PERINO.
>> JOHN STEWART SAID YOU HAVE
A CRUSH ON DANA.
JOHN STEWART TOLD ME THAT.
I AM LEARNING A LOT ABOUT YOU,
GREG, THAT I DON'T LIKE.
>> IF NOBODY ANSWERS THE
QUESTION IN THE NEXT MINUTE WE
WILL DO THIS SHOW ALL OVER
AGAIN.
>> I HAVE AN ANECDOTE.
I WENT TO THE AIRPORT IN
AMSTERDAM A LONGTIME AGO AND I
HAD A LOT OF POT WITH ME.
I GOT RID OF IT BEFORE I GOT
ON THE PLANE.
I ENDED UP IN GREENLAND.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
>> THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
>> YOU TAKE WRONG FLIGHTS AND
YOU MAY HIJACK THINGS.
>> I HAD POT IN MY JEAN POCKET
COMING BACK FROM AMSTERDAM AND
I DIDN'T REALIZE.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS IN
THERE.
I GOT HOME AND UNPACKED MY BAG
AND LOOK IN MY POCKET AND I
GO, OH MY GO.
YES.
IT WENT FROM TERROR TO
CELEBRATION THAT I MADE IT.
I MADE IT BACK.
IN YOUR FACE, CUSTOMS.
>> AND THANK YOU FOR ARRIVING
SOBER.
>> THANK YOU, GREG, FOR ALWAYS
REPLYING TO MY E-MAILS.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
>> IS THIS GOING TO CREATE A
GROUP OF PEOPLE HANGING AROUND
THESE BOXES LOOKING FOR FREE
READ?
>> THAT WOULD BE THE SENSIBLE
THING TO DO.
BUT WHY NOT JUST GET ON IT AND
LEGALIZE MARIJUANA ALREADY?
THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS WANT
TO LEGALIZE POT.
THE STATES NEED TAXATION MONEY
AND SO THAT WILL HELP.
IN DECADES IT WILL BE HOW WE
LOOK AT PROHIBITION NOW WHICH
IS STUPID.
LET'S GET ON WITH IT REALLY.
>> IT IS HARDER THAN GETTING
ON WITH IT IT, IMOGEN.
THERE ARE 50 STATES.
IT IS TO THE LIKE YOUR LITTLE
PLACE ENGLAND WHERE SOMEBODY
SAYS LEGALIZE IT AND THEN THE
KING COMES DOWN AND CHOPS OFF
SOMEBODY'S HEAD.
>> IT IS CALLED THE
PARLIMENTARY SYSTEM.
>> IT IS CALLED NORTH KOREA.
>> YOU JUST COMPARED BRITAIN
TO NORTH KOREA?
>> YES, I HAVE.
YOU KNOW WHICH I LIKE BETTER?
TAKE A GUESS.
>> THE ONE WITHOUT DENNIS
RODMAN.
>> ANDY, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK.
>> I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR FOR
ABOUT THREE HOURS LAST NIGHT
AND YOU DID NOT ANSWER.
>> I'M GOING THROUGH A ROUGH
PERIOD.
>> I HAD YOUR PIZZA.
>> BY THE WAY, AND YOU GOT
THERE IN UNDER 30 MINUTES.
>> YES, I DID.
>> WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE A
PROBLEM FOR YOU.
ANYWAY, WHO ARE THE WINNERS?
WHO ARE THE LOSERS?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S A DUMB QUESTION.
>> YOU WROTE IT.
>> I KNOW.
I J WAS BUSY CHECKING OFF
WHITE GUY MAKES THE WIRE
REFERENCE.
I GUESS I GET THAT YOU CAN'T
-- IT IS NOT JUST THAT YOU
CAN'T BRING IT ON THE PLANE.
YOU CAN'T EVEN BRING IT TO THE
AIRPORT.
IT IS FEDERALLY CONTROLLED?
>> WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?
>> IT MEANS IF YOU ARE FLYING
WITHIN COLORADO, LIKE IF YOU
ARE FLYING FROM DENVER TO
COLORADO SPRINGS WHICH DON'T
WRITE ME E-MAILS SAYING YOU
WOULD NEVER DO THAT BECAUSE
THEY ARE 15 MINUTES APART, BUT
YOU LITERALLY CAN'T BRING YOUR
WEED ON A PLANE EVEN IF YOU
ARE NOT LEAVING THE AIRSPACE
OF COLORADO.
>> THAT'S INTERESTING.
>> THE BIG LOSERS ARE THE
PEOPLE THAT WOULD LIKE TO FLY
FROM PLACE TO PLACE IN
COLORADO AND HOLD ON TO THEIR
WEED.
>> THAT'S FINE BECAUSE WEED
DUDES, YOU KNOW WHAT WE LOVE?
ROAD TRIPS.
NOBODY?
>> WHO ARE THE WINNERS?
>> THE WINNERS AS SHERROD
POINTED OUT, THE AMNESTY BOX
CLEAN CERT BEST JOB IN THE
WORLD.
>> AMNESTY BOX IS A TERRIBLE
NAME FOR THIS.
IT SEEMS A LITTLE PERVERSE.
GET ME THE AMNESTY BOX.
IT SOUNDS LIKE A PLACE YOU PUT
AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.
IT SHOULD BE CALLED POT PAILS
OR BUD BINS OR WEED WAGONS.
>> I WILL -- ILLITERATION.
>> FOR EVERYTHING AGAINST
CANCER.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
IT DOES PRESIDENT WORK.
IT DOESN'T WORK.
FOUR DEMOCRATIC SENATORS WROTE
A LETTER GOLDEN GLOBES, I
DON'T KNOW HOW DO YOU THAT,
EXPRESSING THEIR OUT --
OUTRAGE THAT JULIA
LOUIS-DREYFUS WAS SMOKING AN
E-CIGARETTE DURING THE
BROADCAST.
SHE WAS SHOWN PUFFING AWAY
DURING A COMEDY BIT, BUT IT IT
DIDN'T STOP THEM FROM WHINING
THAT, QUOTE, WE ARE TROUBLED
IT GLAM MORE RISES SMOKING AND
SERVES AS CELEBRITY
ENDORSEMENTS THAT COULDEN
CURLING YOUNG KIDS -- THAT
COULD ENCOURAGE YOUNG KIDS TO
SMOKE E-CIGARETTES.
BUT SHE WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE.
THE CAMERAS CAUGHT LEONARDO
DICAPRIO GETTING HIS NIC FIX.
ROBIN WILLIAMS WAS SEEN
SMOKING E-CRY GS TOO -- E-CIGS
TOO AT THE SAME TIME.
>> IMOGEN, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT
MOST PEOPLE, INCLUDING MYSELF,
I SMOKE E-CIGS ARE SMOKERS
TRYING TO BE HEALTHIER.
I HAVEN'T HAD A REAL CIGARETTE
IN A MONTH.
THERE IS NO TOBACCO.
IT IS JUST NICOTINE AND NO
TAR.
THEY ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE
DEATH OF PEOPLE THESE
[BLEEP].
>> YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO
PROVE MY RULE.
>> WHAT A?
>> DURING CHRISTMAS PARTY
SEASON THE MOST ANNOYING
PEOPLE AT THE PARTY WERE THE
PEOPLE PUFFING ON
E-CIGARETTES.
IT IS LIKE A GUY WHO DYES HIS
HAIR OR MUSTACHE AND I SEE
SOMEBODY IN THE ROOM WITH AN
E-CIGARETTE AND I THINK DON'T
WANT TO TALK TO THEM.
DON'T WASTE MY TIME.
>> THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING?
WHAT ABOUT THE GUY TRYING TO
*** YOU IN THE BATHROOM?
HE IS OKAY?
>> MICHAEL, SHE IS OKAY WITH
IT BECAUSE IT ANNOYS HER.
>> THAT WAS ALWAYS THE
ARGUMENT.
FIRST OF ALL, WHAT IS
CHRISTMAS PARTY?
>> THAT'S HOW IT WORKS IN
EVENING LAND.
ENGLAND.
THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
>> IT IS THE QUEEN.
IF BRIAN MAY IS UPSET YOU ARE
GONE.
>> ARE YOU?
>> YES.
AND ANYBODY THAT TAKES FREDDY
MERCURY'S PLACE, THE GUY
FROM -- WHAT AIM DOING?
>> LET'S GET BACK TO THE
STORY, BUT TELL ME ABOUT THAT
LATER.
FREDDY MERCURY.
>> HE HAD A TREMENDOUS
OVERBITE AND HE WAS QUITE THE
CHARMER.
>> VERY BAD DENTIST RE.
IT BOTHERS ME THE NO SMOKING
IN BAR THING SINCE 2002.
EVERYONE SAID I SUPPORT THIS
LAW BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WHEN
I COME HOME AND MY CLOTHES
SMELL LIKE SMOKE.
HOW ABOUT YOU ALLOW PEOPLE TO
HAVE SMOKING BARS AND
NONSMOKING BARS.
YOU CAN GO TO THAT ONE AND I
CAN GO TO THE OTHER.
THE SECOND POINT IS DO YOU
REALLY SMOKE E CIGARETTES AND
STOP SMOKING?
>> YES.
AND IT WORKS.
TLS THE NICOTINE DELIVERY THAT
REPLICATES SMOKING.
IT WORKS.
I ENJOY -- -- WENT TO ENJOY
CIGARETTES AND I DIDN'T
REALIZE AND I SMOKED TWO
CIGARETTES IN A NIGHT AND THAT
IS EQUIVALENT TO FOUR PACKS.
THE NEXT DAY AT WORK I WAS
SHAKING AND I DID "THE FIVE"
WITH A 42-MINUTE ANXIETY
ATTACK SITTING THERE LIKE
THIS.
>> YOU AND BECKEL.
YOU WERE SHAKING FROM
DIFFERENT THINGS.
YOU ARE MAKING A GREAT CASE
FOR KEEPING E-CIGS LEGAL.
>> THE POINT IS YOU HAVE TO
READ IT, BUT I WENT OVER AND
CHANGED TO BLUE WHICH I HAPPEN
TO LIKE, BLUE CIGS.
>> WHO IS IN THE COMMERCIAL?
>> ETHAN HAWKE.
>> STEVEN DORPH.
HERE IS THE BEST THING --
>> HERE IS THE BEST THING
ABOUT SENDING PEOPLE OUT FOR
SMOKING.
I HATED IT THAT PEOPLE WENT
OUTSIDE TO SMOKE.
NOW YOU KNOW WHICH GIRLS ARE
DOWN FOR IT.
IF THEY SMOKE, THEY POKE.
>> THAT IS AN AMAZING
PHILOSOPHY.
>> MY GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT ME
THAT.
>> SHE IS A FAUNT OF WISDOM.
ANDY WHO IS THE BIG WINNER AND
LOSER HERE?
>> STUPID QUESTION.
>> AGAIN, YOU WROTE IT.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
THE BIG LOSER HERE ARE THESE
FOUR IDIOT SENATORS WHO CLAIM
TO BE -- THEY ARE ALL
DEMOCRATS.
THEY ARE ALL FROM THE SUPPOSED
PARTY OF SCIENCE.
THEY SIT THERE AND BASH A
PRODUCT THAT IS NOT SHOWN TO
BE BAD FOR YOU AT ALL.
AS YOU POINTED OUT, WE WILL
HELP PEOPLE -- THE FDA HAS NOT
APPROVED IT.
>> IN THIS COUNTRY IT IS NOT
LIKE THE QUEEN.
>> WE DON'T NEED THEM.
>> WE DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR
THE GOVERNMENT TO TELL US.
>> THEY HAVE MINIMUM
RESEARCH.
>> I DON'T CARE.
THEY HAVE NO RESEARCH PROVING
IT IS DANGEROUS.
>> I WAS OUTRAGED DURING THE
GOLDEN GLOBES THEY WERE
CUTTING OUT AND PEOPLE WERE
DRINKING COFFEE.
>> CAFFEINE?
CAFFEINE?
>> THEY WERE INJECTING A
HIGHLY ADDICTIVE DRUG IN EIR
BODY.
SHAME ON THEM.
KIDS MAY BE WATCHING THAT AND
THEY WILL BE SITTING AT HOME
GOING I GUESS IT IS OKAY TO
HAVE CAFFEINE.
>> THEY SHOULD WRITE A LET
TORTE GOLDEN GLOBES UPSET THAT
EVERYONE IN THAT ROOM IS GOING
INTO THE BATHROOM TO DO
***.
YOU CAN'T SEE IT, BUT WE ALL
KNOW THEY ARE COKED OUT OF
THEIR MINDS.
>> THAT'S WHEN YOU WANT THE
E-CIG AFTER YOU DO THAT.
>> WHAT IS THAT CALLED WITH
THE RED BULL?
THAT DOES MORE HARM THAN A --
I DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF.
HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO BET I
DIDN'T SEE PICTURES OF THE
DEMOCRATIC SENATORS THAT OUT
OF THE FOUR AT LEAST THREE ARE
OVERWEIGHT.
>> ARE THEY ALL DEMOCRATIC?
>> YEAH.
>> WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.
>> SHERROD BROWN.
>> FROM CLEVELAND?
>> YES.
>> HOW DID I KNOW THAT?
>> YOU KNOW THAT -- OKAY.
HALF OF THEM ARE OVERWEIGHT.
I WANT TO WRITE A LETTER TO
THEM AND SAY YOU FAT JERK.
YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT AND THAT IS
BAD.
I DON'T APPROVE OF YOU BEING
FAT.
>> IT SETS A BAD EXAMPLE OF --
FOR KIDS.
YOU KNOW HOW MANY WANT TO BE
CONGRESSMEN?
>> ONE LIED ABOUT SERVING IN
VIETNAM AND THAT IS A BAD
EXAMPLE FOR KIDS.
>> CAFFEINE IS CAFFEINE.
I DON'T CARE IF IT IS COFFEE
OR MELLOW YELLOW.
>> EXACTLY.
>> THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
>> TASH TAG VA -- HASH TAG,
VARNEY AND COMPANY.
MACHINES ARE GETTING THEIR OWN
INTERNET.
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH REPORTS
THAT THE FIRST DEMONSTRATION
OF THE WORLDWIDE WEB FOR
ROBOTS WILL TAKE PLACE THIS
WEEK IN THE NETHERLANDS,
ANOTHER MADE UP PLACE.
ROW BOW EARTH ALLOWS BOUGHTS
TO SHARE INFORMATION AND LEARN
FROM EACH OTHER.
FOR INSTANCE IF ONE ROBOT HAS
TO SPEND TIME DEVELOPING A MAP
OF A ROOM IT CAN UP LOAD IT TO
ANOTHER MACHINE AND MAKING IT
EASIER TO TRACK AND KILL
HUMANS, PRESUMABLY.
WITH THE ROBOT INTERNET COMES
ROBOT *** WHICH THEY WILL NO
DOUBT BECOME ADDICTED TO.
LOOK AT SOME OF THESE
DISGUSTING IMAGES FROM SOME OF
THE SEX SITES THAT THEY ARE
COMPULSIVELY WATCHING.
>> IT IS SO DISGUSTING.
YOU NO LONGER SEE THOSE AS
AVAILABLE PARTS OF SOCIETY,
BUT JUST AS OBJECTS.
>> SEX OBJECTS.
>> IT MAKES ME SICK.
MONEY GNAW HAN, IS -- MONEY --
IS THIS HOW WE USE THE
INTERNET LET THEM LOSE
AMBITION TO WATCH ***?
>> DO W HAVE TO DEFEAT THE
ROBOTS ?
>> YES.
>> THIS IS THE INEVITABILITY.
>> TERMINATOR.
>> THEY HAVE THEIR OWN
INTERNET NOW.
PRETTY SOON THEY WILL HAVE
THEIR OWN PARLIAMENT.
>> PICK A SIDE.
ROBOTS OR FLESH?
>> I AM PRO ROBOT.
THEY ARE GOING TO WIN.
I WANT TO BE SOMETHING.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
ARE YOU THE TOKEN HUMAN.
YOU ARE THE GUY THAT -- THIS
IS YOU.
WHEN I KNOW THINGS ARE HEADING
TO THE APOCALYPSE I WILL GO
AGAINST THE HUMANS.
I WILL TURN IN A SECOND.
THEY WILL COME IN AND SEE MY
RECORDS AND I WILL BE THEIR
LEADER.
I WILL DO THEIR BIDDING.
I WILL PRETEND TO BE AN ALLY
TO THE HUMANS AND I WILL HELP
THE ROBOTS WIN.
>> DON'T TELL THEM.
>> THE ROBOTS RIGHT NOW ARE
GOING HE'S OKAY.
>> THE CAMERA JUST NODDED LIKE
THIS.
WE KNOW, GREG.
>> CAMERA, DO YOU AGREE?
>> I MU IT, CAMERA -- I KNEW
IT, CAMERA ONE.
>> IMOGEN, IS IT POSSIBLE THAT
HUMANS AND ROBOTS COULD SHARE
THE INTERNET OR IS THIS A
WAR?
>> IT IS END OF THE WORLD
COMING.
IT IS "TERMINATOR."
WE HAVE DRONES AND ROBOT OUSTS
INTERNET.
YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW IT?
THE EUROPEAN UNION FUNDED IT.
THEY TRIED IN WORLD WAR I,
DIDN'T WORK.
WORLD WAR II, WE ALMOST ALL
DIED AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
WORLD WAR 3 AND IT IS
HAPPENING AGAIN.
>> MY WORRY IS WITH THE ROBOT
WEB THERE WILL BE A LOT OF
ROBOT ANONYMOUS COMMENTARY.
LIKE YOUR POWER SUPPLY SUCKS.
>> BUT THEY WILL USE HUMAN
NAMES.
THEY WILL HIDE BEHIND THE
HUMANS.
>> JEREMY FELLEDMAN.
>> YOUR TUBE IS UNFUNCTIONAL.
>> WHY CAN'T HUMANS AND ROBOTS
GET ALONG?
>> IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN.
THE ROBOTS WILL EXCEED OUR
INTELLIGENCE.
>> THEY CATCH A VIRUS AND THEN
GET ALL WARPED.
>> WE WILL HAVE SEX WITH THE
ROBOTS.
THEY WILL HAVE A ROBO-BOT.
HALF ROBOT AND HALF HUMAN, BUT
ALSO BLACK.
>> A RACIST, BLACK ROBOT.
>> BY THE WAY --
>> THE WHITE MAN'S NIGHTMARE.
>> AND THEY ARE ROBOTS.
YOU CAN'T DESTROY THEM.
>> JUST LIKE OUR PRESIDENT.
>> BROBOTS IF YOU WILL.
PLEASE RETURN MY E-MAILS.
>> IT WAS A LONG DAY.
I HAD TO DEAL WITH ISSUES ON
THE OTHER SHOW.
>> OKAY.
>> YOU WOULD IF HE WAS A BLACK
ROBOT.
>> I WOULD SAY THE GIRLS AND
NOT DANA.
AIM RIGHT?
>> WE'LL BE BACK.
>>> ALL RIGHT.
WE'VE LOST OUR FLARE -- THANK
YOU.
AFTER SEVEN YEARS OF THIS LINE
THE U.S. DROPPED OUT OF THE
TOP 10 MOST ECONOMICALLY FREE
COUNTRIES ACCORDING TO THE
2014 INDEX OF ECONOMIC
FREEDOM.
THIS INDEX WAS RELEASED
TUESDAY BY "WALL STREET
JOURNAL" AND ITS PARENT
COMPANY, HAWAIIAN TROPIC.
THE TOP 3, HONG KONG,
SINGAPORE, SWITZERLAND, NEW
ZEALAND THAT WAS MADE FROM
CARROTS AND STEEL WOOL.
AMERICA WAS RANKED 12th
THANKS TO THE SOCIALIST LADY
HATING SENATOR BARACK OBAMA.
NOW LET'S GO TO OUR SENIOR
CORRESPONDENT.
>> YOU KNOW, SHAW -- SHERROD,
I KNOW THEY WILL HAVE LITTLE
ROBOT CATS OF THE LITTLE ROBOT
CATS, SHERROD.
I KNEW THAT WOULD WORK.
MICHAEL, WHY IS OUR ECONOMIC
FREEDOM DECLINING?
PLEASE BLAME OBAMA IN YOUR
ANSWER.
>> DO I LOOK IN THE CAMERA?
>> AS YOU STEADILY LOSE
WEIGHT.
>> I AM LOSING WEIGHT IN THE
CAMERA.
>> SOMEBODY GET ME A SLOPPY
JOE.
>> THEY HAVE THAT IN THE
CANTEEN.
>> THE REASON FOR THIS IS
BECAUSE THERE IS SOMEBODY IN
THE WHITE HOUSE WHO IS LIKE A
KENYAN VERSION AND THEY ARE
STRIPING OUR ECONOMIC
FREEDOM.
I HAD TONS OF MONEY.
YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE NOW?
>> WHERE?
>> A PRETTY NICE PLACE.
>> THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
>> I AM DOING FINE, BUT THE
REST OF THE COUNTRY IS BEING
DESTROYED BY THE POLICY OF THE
GUY --
>> LIKE KENYAN PRESIDENT.
>> IMMOGEN, THEY HAVE ONE OF
THE BIGGEST DECLINES.
THIS IS SAD BECAUSE THEY SOLD
THE BEST TRINKETS.
>> BLACK PEOPLE.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO.
FREEDOM.
HONG KONG BELONGS TO CHINA AND
HONORABLY MENTIONED WAS
BAHRAIN THAT WAS FREE FOR
WOMEN.
NO, DIDN'T REALLY BUY INTO
THIS.
AND MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE
FREE TO CHOOSE IN THE WORLD
WHERE THEY WANT TO WIN A
MILLION COME HERE EVERY YEAR
AND I AM ONE OF THEM.
WE CHOOSE TO LIVE HERE.
EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT
ECONOMICALLY FREE.
>> THERE IS A MOG INFLUENCE,
ECONOMICS, MOB IS HEAVY IN THE
COUNTRIES.
THE MOB -- ORGANIZED CRIME
OWNS A LOT OF THINGS AND EVEN
CANADA.
PEOPLE THINK CANADA IS THE
QUIET UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR WITH
GREAT WEED, BUT TRUST ME THEY
HAVE THE MOB DEEP IN CANADA.
>> THEY HAVE CRIME GOING ON.
>> ALL OF THOSE COUNTRIES.
>> I BELIEVE YOU, HONG KONG.
ANDY, IS IT REALLY THAT
IMPORTANT?
>> I HATE THESE UNPATRIOTIC
STUDIES.
IT IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT THEY
CALL THE HATE AMERICA CROWD.
A COINCIDENCE WHO SENATOR RAND
PAUL WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT THE
HATE AMERICA CROWD HE SPOKE AT
THE LAUNCH OF THE STUDY.
>> RAND PAUL DID?
>> THEY TAKE ANY CHANCE TO
MOCK THIS GREAT NATION OF
OURS.
JUST TO SUM UP, AMERICA IS THE
GREATEST AND THIS IS FULL OF
LIES, GREG.
>> PETER KING BELIEVES THE
SAME THING.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DISPARAGE
HIM.
HE THINKS AMERICA IS THE
GREATEST COUNTRY AND THE
GREATEST GROUP IN THE WORLD IS
THE IRISH REPUBLICAN ARMY.
>> THAT'S WHY WE ARE SAFETY
FIRST.
>> HE WAS A BIG FAN.
>> HOW DID WE GET TO PETER
KING?
>> TURNS OUT PETER KING, NOT A
KING OF THE NO KINGDOM.
JUST A MAD MAN WITH DREAMS.
>> AREN'T WE ALL MAD MEN WITH
DREAMS?
>> THAT'S THE NAME OF MY FIRST
ALBUM.
THE BOOK, THE BOOK.
IT IS COMING OUT THE FOUR
MONTHS LIKE YOURS IS.
YOU ARE MAKING MONEY, NOT
RETURNING MY E-MAILS.
I AM YOUR ONLY BLACK FRIEND,
GREGORY.
>> AS USUAL YOU ARE ANGRY.
COMING UP, THE C BLOCK.
THE C BLOCK IS SPONSORED BY
SUN SPOTS.
THE RELATIVELY COOL SPOTS
APPEARING IN GROUPS ON THE
SURFACE OF THE SUN THAT ARE
ASSOCIATED WITH THE STRONG
MAGNETIC FIELD.
THANKS, SPOTS, YOU ARE
WELCOME, GREG.
I THINK YOU ARE RELATIVELY
COOL.
THANKS, I GUESS.
CAN YOU GET A MESSAGE FOR ME?
>> I HAVE TO GO.
WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR WIFE AND
KIDS TO HELP SETTLE MARS?
WRITE YOUR ANSWER
>>> COULD EGGS LEAD TO HIS
EXILE?
SHERROD IS BLOWING HIS NOSE.
>> HAVE I ALLERGIES -- I HAVE
ALLERGIES, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO?
>> DO IT DURING THE BREAK.
>> OKAY E-MAIL RETURNS.
>> IT IS DAY 1 BILLION AND 3
OF OF -- IF JUSTIN BIEBER IS
CONVICTED OF EGGING HIS
NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE HE COULD FACE
JAIL TIME, DEPORTATION A OR
THE DEATH PENALTY.
MADE THAT UP.
THE EGG ASSAULT IS BEING
CONSIDERED A FELONY BECAUSE
THE NEIGHBOR REPORTED THE
DAMAGE AT $20,000.
ON TUESDAY POLICE SEARCHED HIS
CALABASAS HOME TO SEE IF THEY
WERE RESPONSIBLE.
AN L.A. LAWYER TOLD FOX FOX
NEWS.COM IF BIEBER IS
CONVICTED OF A FELONY THAT
INVOLVES A STATE OF MIND OF
INTENTIONAL OR KNOWING, THERE
IS A POSSIBILITY THAT HE COULD
BE DEPORTED.
BEFORE ADDING I WOULD BE
SURPRISED TO SEE HIM BE
DEPORTED , SHUT UP BECAUSE
THAT IS RUINING OUR ANGLE.
WE WANT HIM TO BE DEPORTED.
THEY SAID IT WAS A WASTE OF
TAXPAYER MONEY RAIDING HIS
HOME.
BUT IF HE IS DEPORTED, ISN'T
IT WORTH IT?
>> HERE IS THE SAD NEWS.
IT WAS ME ARRESTING JUSTIN
BIEBER FOR HIS ***.
I GOT CONFUSED.
I THREW OUT THE EGGS AND
STARTED FRYING UP THE
***.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOUR ***
OVER EASY?
THEN THEY ARRESTED ME.
I AM LIL ZANE.
>> YOU ARE LIL SOMETHING.
>> FIRST OF ALL $20,000
DAMAGE, NEIGHBOR, BRING IT
DOWN A NOTCH.
WHAT IS YOUR PORCH MADE OF?
BABY HEADS?
>> IT IS REALLY EXPENSIVE IN
CALIFORNIA.
IT IS UBER EXPENSIVE.
>> WE TALKED TO THE CONTRACTOR
AND THEY SAID FOR THE BABY
HEADS IT IS HALF A MILLION
DOLLARS.
>> WE HAVE ASIAN BABY HEADS ON
THE SIDE AND WE GET BLACK AND
WHITE ON THE TOP.
>> IMMOGEN, SHOULD HE BE
DEPORTED?
AND I AM NOT TALKING SHERROD.
>> I DON'T BELIEB IT.
I HAD TO THROW THAT IN.
I HOPE HE IS DEPORTED.
IT IS FUN AT THE MOMENT.
IT IS PROPER CAR CRASH TIME.
BRITNEY SPEARS, LINDSAY LOHAN
AND WE SAW IT WI
FASHION.
IT IS GETTING GOOD NOW.
>> IT IS GRATIFYING, MICHAEL.
YOU DATED MR. BIBBER --
MR. BIEBER LAST YEAR.
DO YOU SEE HIM TAKING THE
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ROUTE OR
GARRETT ROUTE?
>> GARRETT TOOK DRUGS AND
RUINED HIS LIFE?
>> YES AND THEN GOT BALD
SPOTS.
>> I WISH IT WERE THAT ONE.
I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT
THIS.
NO, I DON'T ACTUALLY.
>> HE ALSO CRIPPLED HIS
FRIENDS.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
I LEARNED THAT FROM CELEBRITY
VH1.
>> I LEARNED THAT VINCE NEIL
FROM MOTLEY CREW KILLED A
GUY.
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
VINCE NEIL.
WHERE I LIVE, NOT YOU COAST
ALI LEETS.
COASTAL ELITES.
>> COULD THE DEPORTATION TRIG
AREA YOUNG WAR BETWEEN YOUNG
GIRLS AND THE REST OF
AMERICA?
>> THERE IS ALREADY ONE GOING
ON.
GREG, YOU QUOTED AN L.A.
LAWYER AS SAYING HE WILL NOT
GET DEPORTED?
I TALKED TO MY SOURCES IN THE
L.A. COUNTY SHERIFF'S
DEPARTMENT AND THE L.A.
DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S OFFICE AND
THEY SAID THERE IS AN 87%
CHANCE THAT HE WILL IN FACT BE
DEPORTED.
>> WHO IS YOUR SOURCE?
>> SOURCES.
I THINK THE L.A. YOU TALK I
HAD TO WAS CORBIN BENSON.
>> HE LOOKS GOOD WITHOUT
HAIR.
>> HE IS DOING COMMERCIALS
NOW, RIGHT?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS A
REVERSE MORTGAGE OR SILVER.
IT IS A REVERSE SOMETHING.
>> I THINK IT IS A BUY YOUR
OWN SILVER BACK GORILLA
BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING UP IN
PRICE.
YOU HAVE TO FIND THEM.
>> IF BERNSON IS BEHIND IT.
>> MY FAVORITE COMMERCIAL IS
WILLIAM DEVAIN AND HE
ANNOUNCES WHO HE IS.
HI I AM WILLIAM DEV EIGHT N
AND I AM RIPPED.
>> WHO IS THAT?
>> A GREAT ACTOR.
HE WAS IN "PAY BACK A."
HE WAS GREAT.
>> IS THAT A REAL MOVIE?
>> WITH MEL GIBSON.
IT IS A TREMENDOUS MEL GIBSON
FILM.
IT WAS A REMAKE OF A LEE
MARVIN FILM.
>> I KNOW LEE MARVIN.
HE WAS ON "THE DIRTY DOZEN."
>> CAN WE MOVE TO THE NEXT
TOPIC CONSIDERING WE STOPPED
TALKING ABOUT IT AN HOUR AGO?
>> E-MAIL.
>> A UTAH MAN IS OPENING -- IS
HOPING TO BE SELECTED FOR A
ONE-WAY TRIP ON THE MARS
MISSION.
THAT'S AWKWARD FOR HIS WIFE
AND KIDS.
IT IS TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR --
>> 38-YEAR-OLD KEN SULLIVAN
HAS MADE IT TO ROUND TWO OF
THE SELECTION PROCESS AND
HOPES HIS FAMILY WILL FORGIVE
HIM FOR PURSUING HIS DREAM.
>> WHEN PEOPLE ASK ARE YOU
NUTS?
THIS IS A SUICIDE MISSION.
I SAID NO, I AM GOING THERE
AND I AM GOING TO LIVE THERE
AND HOPEFULLY FOR A LONGTIME.
MY WIFE THINKS I AM A LITTLE
BIT NUTS.
>> WHY DO THEY HAVE TO WEAR
THOSE CLOTHES WITH THE COLLER
-- WITH THE COLLAR UP.
HE SAYS HE WILL BE THERE FOR
HIS KIDS.
>> I WILL BE ABLE TO SEND
E-MAILS BACK AND FORTH.
I WILL BE ABLE TO VIDEO BACK
AND FORTH.
I WILL ALWAYS BE ABLE TO
INTERACT WITH MY CHILDREN.
>> OH, MOMMY, MOMMY, DADDY
SENT US AN E-MAIL.
SHUT UP.
I AM HAVING SEX WITH HIS
BROTHER.
>> SOUNDS LIKE MY COUSIN.
>> THAT'S WHAT IS GOING TO
HAPPEN.
SHERROD, IS HIS DREAM REALLY
TO SETTLE MARS OR LEAVE HIS
FAMILY?
>> IT IS TO LEAVE THE FAMILY.
THE FAMILY IS KILLING HIM AND
HIS ONLY WAY OUT IS MARS.
I GET IT.
>> WE ALL GET IT.
>> WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
>> AT LEAST THE E-MAIL WAS
HERE FOR MY BASEBALL GAME.
>> THEY ARE AT THE BIRTHDAY.
HERE E-MAIL NEXT TO THE CAKE.
>> WHEN HE FIRST GETS THERE HE
WILL RETURN THE E-MAIL THE
SAME DAY.
AND THEN AFTER THREE MONTHS
AND THEN A WEEK HE WON'T
RETURN THE E-MAIL.
AND THEN THE END OF THE
RELATIONSHIP AND THEN SUDDENLY
ARE YOU NOT RETURNING
E-MAILS.
IT IS LIKE YOU WITH SHERROD.
>> I HAVE EXCUSES FOR BEING A
BAD DAD.
I WAS AT WORK AND I WAS
DRINKING.
YOU ARE ON MARS.
YOU HAVE NO WHERE TO GO.
SULLIVAN, YOU ARE WORSE THAN
HITLER.
YOU HATE YOUR KIDS.
>> HE IS GIVING UP HIS FAMILY
TO GO TO A BARREN PLANET.
HE IS SAYING I DON'T WANT TO
TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I WANT TO GO HERE AND DIE.
>> HE IS AN AWFUL HUMAN
BEING.
IT IS A GOOD THING HE IS GOING
THERE.
HE LEFT HIS FIRST WIFE AND
CHILDREN TO BE A MILITARY
CONTRACTOR.
HE DID A BUNK BEFORE AND SO HE
CLEARLY WANTS TO DO A BUNK
AGAIN.
YOU CAN FIND REALLY HORRIFIC
PEOPLE AND THIS COMPANY IS
DOING A FAVOR BY GETTING RID
OF AND SENDING TO MARS.
>> I CHANGE MY MIND.
THIS GUY IS AN AMAZING HERO.
HOW DID I MISS THIS?
YOU YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS
DOING?
HE IS SAYING HE IS GOING TO
MARS AND THEN HE IS NOT.
HE IS GOING TO GET A RENTAL
CAR AND DRIVE TO PHOENIX.
AND THEN HE WILL OPEN A BAR IN
PHOENIX AND GROW AN AWESOME
BEARD.
>> I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT NEXT
GIRL HE MET IN PHOENIX AND SHE
CALLS THE EX-WIFE.
WHO IS THIS?
IS THIS HIS EARTH WIFE?
YOU CAN JUST FORGET IT.
HE WANTS THREE ***.
>> HE WILL GO TO MARS AND
THERE WILL BE THREE OTHER
PEOPLE THERE.
AFTER A YEAR HE WILL GET SICK
OF THEM AND CALLING NASA
GOING, TO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN
JUPITER?
IT IS TIME.
>> I LOVE THAT AT THE END OF
THE STORY HE SAYS I HOPE MY
FAMILY WILL BE LE TO FORGIVE
ME DOWN THE ROAD.
YOU [BLEEP] LIVE ON MARS.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU LIVE ON MARS AND/OR
TUCSON.
IT IS TO THE CLEAR WHICH.
>> AND PLACES IN TUCSON LOOK
LIKE MARS.
>> HE WILL BE SENDING
POSTCARDS.
>> HE WILL BE TAKING PICTURES
OF THE RED ROCK IN TUCSON
GOING, OH, MARS.
>> THEY HAVE CACTUS TOO.
>> WE ARE ON THE BEST WESTERN
IN TUCSON.
>> YEAH, THAT IS A STRIP
CLUB.
WE BUILT ONE ON MARS.
>> IT IS COLONIZED BY
STRIPPERS.
>> WE MADE IT LOOK LIKE THE
ONE IN TUCSON.
THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS AT
HOME.
>> THOSE ATM CHARGES, WOULD
YOU BELIEVE THEY HAVE A BANK
HERE?
>> BANK OF MARS.
>> IT HAS A PHOENIX TITLE, BUT
EVERYTHING HERE IS NAMED AFTER
ARIZONA.
I THINK WE HAVE BEAT THIS
STORY INTO THE GROUND.
GOD BLESS THIS MAN.
YOU ARE A GENIUS.
TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
MORE STUFF ON THE WAY.
NEW BOOK, NOT COOL.
WHY ISN'T ANYBODY BUYING
THIS?
JUST KIDDING PEOPLE ARE.
YOU SHOULD BUY IT.
G GUTFELD.COM.
>>> CHRIS PINE IS NEXT IN
LINE.
HOW WILL HE COMPARE WITH
PREVIOUS JACK RYANS?
IT IS TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR --
>> "RED EYE" DEBATE 2014, LIVE
FROM THE" RED EYE" DEBATE
CENTER.
>> WELCOME BACK TO THE "RED
EYE" DEBATE CENTER.
TONIGHT'S TOPIC, WHO IS THE
BEST JACK RYAN?
JACK RYAN, SHADOW RECRUIT IS
OUT THIS WEEK.
IT IS BASED -- IT IS FROM THE
LATE WRITER TOM CLANCY.
HE IS THE FOURTH ACTOR IN FIVE
FILMS TO PLAY THE ROLE.
WAS ALEC BALDWIN, HARRISON
FORD AND BEN AFFLECK IN THE
SUM OF ALL FEARS WHICH WAS
ABOUT OBAMACARE AND THE GUY
WHO PLAYED BALKY.
IMMOGEN, I DON'T REMEMBER IF I
TALKED TO YOU IN THE LAST
SEGMENT.
YOU HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO COW
BETTER BEFORE THESE MANIACS.
WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE BEST
JACK RYAN?
>> POOR MAN JAMES BOND.
>> I THINK OPPOSITE.
>> WHY DID THEY HAVE A HOBBED
JACK RYANS OVER FOUR FILMS.
AT LEAST HE WAS THERE LONGER
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO
CHANGE HIM OUT BECAUSE HE IS
GOOD.
IT IS A GREAT MOVIE THOUGH.
ANYWAY, MY FAVORITE.
I WANT TO MARRY BEN AFFLECK.
ALEC BALDWIN LEFT THAT MESSAGE
FOR HIS DAUGHTER.
>> IS HE SECRET SERVICE?
>> YES.
WHAT?
>> HER MAGESTY'S SECRET
SERVICE?
>> YES.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID HERMA
DISEASE.
>> I KNOW HER.
>> MICHAEL, WHEN I READ SPY
NOVELS OR ANY NOVELS I
ENVISION A SPECIFIC ACTOR
PLAYS THAT.
>> YOU HAVE TO THINK OF A
PLAQUE DUDE.
>> CLIVE OWEN IS WHITE.
WHEN I AM THINKING ABOUT A MAN
IN A BOOK IT IS CLIVE OWEN.
>> YOU ARE JUST THINKING ABOUT
A MAN.
>> I AM JUST SAYING IF YOU ARE
GOING TO THINK ABOUT A MAN,
WHY NOT CLIVE OWEN?
>> IT CAN'T HURT.
>> I AM NOT HURTING ANYBODY.
>> WHO IS HARMED?
BLACK PEOPLE.
JACK RYAN WHO -- HE IS WHITE
IN THE BOOKS, RIGHT?
I WAS GOING TO SAY FLIP
WILSON.
THE WEIRD THING IS I WAS
GOOGLING IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T
KNOW WHO CHRIS PINE WAS.
>> REALLY?
"STAR TREK"?
>> YOU KNOW.
>> YOU ARE ONLY THE CULTURAL
EDITOR OF THE DAILY MAIL.
>> I SPEND MY FREE TIME HAVING
SEX WITH WOMEN AND THAT'S WHY
I DON'T GO FOR THE STAR TREK.
>> YOU CAN HAVE "STAR TREK" ON
IN THE BACKGROUND.
>> I KNEW THE OTHER GUY.
>> WILL THERE EVER BE A JEWISH
JACK RYAN IN OUR LIFETIME?
>> NO.
>> HOW COME.
>> NOT IN FRONT OF THE
CAMERA.
>> RACIST.
>> YEARS OF RANKING THE JACK
RYAN MOVIE, ALEC BALDWIN AND
SEAN CONNERY.
>> THAT WAS SEAN CONNERY
THOUGH, NOTHING TO DO WITH
ALEC BALDWIN.
>> IT IS BOTH.
>> SEAN CONNERY.
>> "CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER"
AND" SUM OF ALL FEARS" WAS
AWFUL.
I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
>> HE IS PINING FOR PINES.
>> KEVIN KOSTNER.
AND -- JAMES KIRK.
>> I FIND PINE TO BE A WOODEN
ACTOR.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
>> THAT'S HIS NAME.
>> THE PINE BOX.
>> IT IS NO CRAFT SINGLES JOKE
FROM LAST WEEK.
>> HAVE WE EXHAUSTED THIS
ONE?
>> I THINK WE DID.
>> SHE SAID SOMETHING BAD
ABOUT KEVIN COSTNER.
>> DID HE HIT ON YOU?
>> THERE IS NO REASON TO SEE A
FILM IF HE IS NOT IN IT.
>> "WATER WORLD."
"WATER WORLD."
>> ROBIN HOOD.
>> WHAT IS THIS "MEN IN
TIGHTS"?
>> I THINK THEY ARE GOING TO
SUSPEND OFF SWEARING.
YOU HAVE A COMMENT E-MAIL US.
HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR ANIMAL
DOING ANYTHING, GO TO FOX
NEWS.COM/RED EYE.
MAY HAVE A VIDEO NEXT.
>>> NEXT "RED EYE" TOMORROW,
ANDREW SCHULZ, ERIC'S THE LAST .
>> OH.
THE CHICAGO CUBS UNVEILED A
NEW MASCOT.
BUT IS IT A TOUCHDOWN?
MEET CLARK.
HE IS A FRIENDLY LITTLE BEAR
NAMED AFTER A STREET IN
WRIGLEY FIELD.
>> HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY PANTS
ON.
>> HE IS PORKY PIGGING IT.
FANS TOLD THEM THEY WANTED A
FAMILY FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE AT
THE PARK.
EARLY IN THE HISTORY THEY HAD
A LIVE BEAR UNTIL THE ANIMAL
GOT LOOSE AND KILLED ABRAHAM
LINCOLN.
>> HE FREED US.
>> AND THE BEAR ATE HIM.
>> THREE FINGER BROWN.
IT IS TRUE.
>> I KNOW AND I SKIPPED IT FOR
A REASON.
SHUT UP.
SHERROD.
>> YES.
>> NEVER MIND.
>> I SAID NOTHING.
A BROWN MAN AND YOU DON'T COME
TO ME.
>> THAT'S MY POINT.
A CUB IS USED IN GAY CIRCLES
TO DESCRIBE YOUNG, HUSKY,
HAIRY GAY MEN SO THIS IS A
SALUTE TO THE GAY LIFESTYLE.
>> ISN'T EVERYTHING?
LET'S BE HONEST.
THIS IS AMERICA.
ANYHOO, I THINK IT IS NICE AND
I LIKE THE BROWN CUB.
IT IS CUTE AND YOU CAN BRING
YOUR FAMILY TO THE BALLGAME
WITHOUT SOMEBODY DRUNK WITH
BEER IN THE BLEACHERS POURING
SOMETHING AT YOU YELLING OUT
RACIAL SLURS.
>> THEY ARE STILL IN CHICAGO.
>> GO CUBBIES.
>> THAT BEAR HAS NO PANTS ON.
IT IS NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY.
>> IT IS FREE BALL.
HOW DO YOU THINK FAMILIES ARE
MADE?
>> THAT'S HOW THEY ARE MADE IN
AMERICA.
>> YOU CAN'T MAKE A FAMILY
WITH PANTS ON.
>> THOSE ARE HAIRY PANTS.
HE IS WEARING HAIRY PANTS.
>> HE DOES PRESIDENT HAVE
ANYTHING ON UNDERNEATH.
HE IS NAKED.
>> THAT'S WHY HE IS SO HAPPY.
>> IT IS SEXY BEAR.
>> IT IS NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY.
>> WHAT IS THE IDEA LIKE
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO -- DRUNK
MEAT HEADS IN CHICAGO ARE
GOING TO BE LIKE OH THERE IS
IT A BEAR.
I WON'T PUNCH ANY BABIES IN
THE BLIECHERS AND USE --
BLEACHERS AND USE RACIAL
SLURS.
>> ANDY, WHAT IS THE EYE TEAL
MASCOT THEN?
>> THE IDEAL MASCOT IS
MR. MET.
A GIANT HEADED CREEPY
MR. MET.
>> THAT'S THE SCAREST THING I
HAVE EVER THING.
IT REALLY IS.
IT IS HALF HUMAN AND HALF
BALL.
>> AREN'T WE ALL, GREG, AGAIN,
AREN'T WE ALL?
>> LIKE LANCE ARMSTRONG.
>> THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.
>> I REFUSE TO LAUGH AT THAT
JOKE.
>> POUND IT.
POUND THE HAND.
>> THE THING ABOUT MR. MET IS
ALL OF THE KIDS AT SHEA
STADIUM, THEY WOULD STAND IN
LINE AND BE QUIET.
MR. MET WOULD COME OUT AND
THEY WOULD BE SCARED AND THEY
WOULD SIT THERE QUIETLY AND
NOT ANNOY ANYONE.
>> THE BEST MASCOT SHOULD BE A
FIRE BREATHING ROBOT WITH
CLAWS.
THEY CALL IT SERGEANT DEATH
CLAMP.
>> ARE YOU STILL KISSING UP TO
THE ROBOT?
>> YES, THAT'S MY POINT.
THE ROBOTS ARE GOING, HE
KNEW.
HE KNEW.
I WILL SAVE A SPECIAL PLACE
FOR GREG GUTFELD.
HE WILL RUN A DIVISION.
>> YOU WILL BE UP AGAINST THE
WALL TOO.