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Go on with you, what strange girls you are!
Oh, for heavens' sake! What are you after now?
For myself, nothing.
- For whom, then? - For you.
- For us? - For you.
- Are you women, or not? - What do you mean?
I mean you should behave like women.
- In what way? - Treat love as a thing of little consequence,
never miss a good opportunity,
change your mind when necessary, be constant when necessary,
flirt with grace, foresee the disgrace which is so common
among those who trust men,
have your cake and eat it.
And then?
And then: for heavens' sake! It's up to you.
- What should we do? - Whatever you like.
Are you flesh and blood, or what?
A woman of fifteen
must know all the ways of the world,
must have all her wits about her,
must know what's good and what's bad.
She must know all the little artful tricks
that fascinate lovers,
she must feign laughter and tears,
she must invent good excuses.
She must listen to a hundred people at the same time,
she must speak to a thousand with her eyes.
She must let them all hope, whether they are handsome or ugly,
know how to dissemble without getting confused,
know how to lie without blushing,
and like a queen on an exalted throne
make everyone obey her with “I can and I will”.
They seem to like my way of thinking.
Praised be my good services!
Sister, what do you say?
I'm stupefied at the devilish wit of that girl.
Believe me, she's mad.
Do you think we are likely to follow her advice?
Of course, if you turn the whole affair upside down.
On the contrary. I'm looking at it the right way up.
Don't you think it's scandalous for two young women who are engaged
to do things like that?
She didn't say we should do anything wrong.
It would be bad enough getting ourselves talked about.
If we say they come to see Despina?
Oh, your conscience is too accommodating!
And what will our lovers say?
Nothing. Either they'll know nothing about it, and that's all there is to it,
or they'll know something, and then we can say they came to see Despina.
But our hearts?
Will stay just as they are.
If we amuse ourselves a bit so that we don't die of melancholy,
we're not being unfaithful, my dear sister.
That's true.
- So? - So you do what you like;
but I don't want to be blamed if there's trouble later.
How could there possibly be any trouble, if we're careful?
However, listen, so that we understand each other properly:
which of the two do you prefer?
You choose, sister.
I've already decided.
I'll take the little dark one,
who seems more fun to me.
And meanwhile I'll laugh and joke
with the little fair one.
Playfully I'll reply to his sweet words.
Sighing, I'll imitate the other one's sighs.
He'll say to me: “My love, I'm dying!”
He'll say to me: “My dearest treasure!”
And meanwhile what pleasure,
and meanwhile what pleasure,
what fun I'll have!
Ah, run to the garden, my dear girls.
What merriment! What music, what singing!
What a brilliant spectacle! What enchantment!
Quickly, hurry up.
- What on earth can it be? - You'll soon see.
Come to my aid, friendly zephyrs,
come to the aid of my desires,
and carry my sighs
to the goddess of my heart.
You who have heard a thousand times
the reasons for my suffering,
repeat to my dear one
everything you heard then.
Come to their aid, friendly zephyrs,
aid the desires of such fine hearts.
What is this masquerade?
Come now, cheer up.
Have you lost the use of your tongues?
I tremble and shake from head to toe.
Love binds the limbs of a true lover.
Be good girls, encourage them.
Speak.
Tell us frankly what you want.
My lady!
Or rather, ladies!
- You speak. - No, no, you speak.
Oh, to the devil with you!
Leave off these old-fashioned affectations.
Despinetta, let's get this matter over with.
You do with them
what I do with these.
Give me your hand. Stir yourself a bit.
If you won't speak, I'll speak for you.
A trembling slave implores your forgiveness.
He sees he has offended you, but only for a moment.
Now he is suffering, but is silent.
Now he leaves you in peace.
He cannot have what he wants; he'll want what he can.
Come on, answer. Come on, answer.
You're looking
and laughing?
I'll answer them for you.
What's done is done.
Let us forget the past.
Let that bond now be broken,
symbol of servitude.
Offer me your arm
and sigh no longer.
For heaven's sake, let's go. Let's see if they know what to do.
I'll respect the girls more than the devil if they don't fall now.
Oh, what a lovely day!
Rather warm than not.
What pretty little trees!
Yes, they're certainly pretty;
they've more leaves than fruit.
How attractive these avenues are!
Shall we go for a walk?
I'm ready, my dearest, to fulfil your slightest wish.
- You're too kind! - (We've reached the moment of truth.)
What did you say to him?
Oh, I told him to entertain her properly.
- Let's go for a walk as well. - If you like.
- Alas! - What's the matter?
I feel so ill, my dearest, that I think I'm going to die.
Oh, come now, don't do that.
I'm dying, cruel one, and you make fun of me?
I make fun of you?
(Then give me a sign of your pity, my love.)
Then give me a sign of your pity, my love.
Two, if you like.
Tell me what I must do, and you'll see.
Is she joking, or does she mean it?
Please accept this little present.
- A heart? - A heart.
It is a symbol of the one that burns, languishes and suffers for you.
- What a precious gift! - Do you accept it?
Cruel man, do not try to seduce a faithful heart.
The mountain is swaying.
I'm sorry, but my honour as a soldier is at stake.
- I adore you! - For pity's sake!
- I am yours alone! - Oh, heavens!
- Yield, oh, my dearest! - You will make me die.
Let us die together, oh, my hope of love.
Do you accept it?
I accept it.
Poor Ferrando!
Oh, what delight!
I give this heart to you, my beautiful idol;
but I want yours, too.
Come, give it to me.
You give it to me, I take it,
but I cannot give mine in return.
It's useless to ask it of me,
for I no longer have it.
If you no longer have it, why is it beating here?
If you gave it to me, whatever is pounding there?
Why is it beating here?
Whatever is pounding there?
It's my little heart that is with me no longer.
It has gone to be with you,
and that is what is beating like this.
Let me put it here.
It can't go there.
I understand, you sly creature!
What are you doing?
Don't look.
- It seems to me that I have a volcano in my breast! - Poor Ferrando!
- It seems to me that I have a volcano in my breast! - It doesn't seem possible!
Turn your eyes to me.
What do you want?
Just look, just look, and see if anything could be better.
Oh, happy exchange
of hearts and affections!
Such new delights, such sweet suffering!
Cruel woman! Why do you run away?
I've seen an asp, a hydra, a basilisk.
Oh, unkind woman, I understand you.
The asp, the hydra, the basilisk,
and all the wild creatures in the Libyan desert,
all these you see in me alone.
It's true!
You want to destroy my peace of mind.
But to make you happy.
Stop provoking me.
I ask only for a look from you.
- Go! - Don't even hope for that
until you have looked at me more kindly.
Oh, heavens!
You condemn me,
you condemn me to die.
He is going... listen... oh, no!
Let him go, so that I may no longer see
the unhappy object of my weakness.
What anguish the cruel man has inflicted on me!
This is the well-deserved reward for my sins!
How could I listen to the sighs of a new lover at such a time?
How could I make fun of someone else's lamenting?
Ah, you justly condemn my heart, oh, righteous love!
I burn with passion, and my passion is no longer a virtuous love.
It is frenzy, suffering,
remorse, regret,
frivolity, deceit
and treachery.
Have pity, my love, forgive
the fault of this loving soul;
it shall remain hidden for ever,
oh, heaven, among these trees and shady groves.
My passion, my constancy
will empty my veins of this impious desire,
will drive away the memory
that causes me such horror and shame.
Have pity, my love, forgive
the fault of this loving soul;
it shall remain hidden for ever,
oh, heaven, among these trees and shady groves.
And whom did this empty,
worthless heart betray?
You deserved greater reward,
my love, for your sincerity.
My friend, we've won.
- Seven out of ten, or eight perhaps? - Ten out of ten, my friend.
Fiordiligi is chastity itself.
Good for you! Good for me! Good for my Penelope!
Let me embrace you for bringing me such delightful news,
my faithful Mercury!
And my Dorabella? How did she behave?
Oh, I haven't the slightest doubt about it.
I know that tender soul too well.
However, between you and me,
it wouldn't be a bad thing if you did have a doubt.
Heavens! Did she perhaps succumb to your flattery?
But no, you're playing a joke on me.
She loves and adores nobody but me.
Of course! In fact, it was as proof of her love and fidelity
that she gave me this little miniature.
My portrait!
Ah, faithless girl!
Where are you going?
To tear the heart out of her wicked breast
and to avenge my betrayed love.
- Stop! - No, let me go!
Are you mad?
Are you going to ruin yourself for the sake of a woman who isn't worth a penny?
I wouldn't want him to do anything foolish.
Gods! So many promises
and tears, sighs and vows,
how could she forget them in no time at all?
By Jove, I don't know.
What should I do now?
What decision should I make? How should I act?
Have pity on me,
give me advice.
My friend, I don't know what advice to give you.
Cruel woman! Heartless woman! In a day! In a few hours!
It's certainly an astonishing situation.
Dear ladies, you deceive so many, so many,
that, to tell you the truth, I begin to sympathize
with your lovers when they complain of you.
I love your sex,
you know that, everyone knows that.
I show that I do every day,
I give you proofs of friendship.
But the way you deceive so many, so many,
really, I find it very depressing.
Thousands of times I've seized my sword
to defend your honour.
Thousands of times,
thousands of times I've defended you with my tongue and more with my heart.
But the way you deceive so many, so many,
is an annoying, nasty little habit.
You are charming, you are lovely.
Heaven has given you many precious gifts
and you are full of grace
from top to toe.
But, but, but you deceive so many, so many,
that it's unbelievable.
I love your sex, I show you that,
thousands of times I've seized my sword, I've defended you,
heaven has given you precious gifts, down to your toes.
But, but, but you deceive so many, so many,
that, when your lovers complain, they've certainly good reason.
Such a cruel conflict rages within me,
my thoughts and emotions are in such turmoil,
my situation is so unusual and so new to me,
that I can't decide what to do and nobody can advise me.
Alfonso, Alfonso,
how you'll laugh at my stupidity!
But I'll get my revenge.
I'll erase the thought of that wicked woman from my heart.
I'll erase the thought of her...
Erase the thought of her?
But, oh, God! my heart speaks to me too strongly on her behalf.
Betrayed,
scorned,
by that treacherous heart,
I feel that my soul still adores her.
I hear the voice of love speaking for her.
Bravo! This is true constancy!
Go away, cruel man. It's because of you that I'm miserable.
But if you're sensible, I'll give you back your former peace of mind.
Listen! Fiordiligi has remained faithful to Guglielmo,
and Dorabella has been unfaithful to you.
To my shame.
My dear friend, one must make distinctions in everything.
Do you think a sweetheart could possibly be unfaithful to such a man as Guglielmo?
If we make a little comparison - this is not to blow my own trumpet -
you see, my friend, a little more merit...
Oh, I say so, too.
- Meanwhile you must pay me fifty gold pieces. - Willingly.
Before paying up, however,
I want us to make one more attempt.
- What? - Be patient.
Until tomorrow you are both my slaves;
you gave me your word as soldiers to do anything I told you.
Come.
I hope to show you clearly
how misguided it is
to sell a bird while it's still in the bush.
Now I see that you're a woman of the world.
Oh, Despina, I tried to resist but it was useless.
That little devil has such a way with him, such eloquence, such a manner,
that you would give way even if you were made of stone.
The devil! Now you know a thing or two.
But here's your sister.
- What a long face! - Wretched creatures!
See what a state I'm in, and it's all your fault.
What's happened, dear madam?
Is something wrong, sister?
That something is the devil. And may he take me, you, her,
Don Alfonso, the strangers and all the other madmen in this world.
- Have you lost your reason? - Worse than that, you will be horrified.
I'm in love,
and this love of mine is not only for Guglielmo.
- Good for you! - But I don't understand
how a heart can change so much in a single day.
What a ridiculous question!
We're women! And how did you manage it, after all?
I shall be able to control myself.
You won't do any such thing.
I'll show you, you'll see.
Believe me, sister, it would be better if you gave in.
Love's a little thief, a little serpent is Love.
He gives peace to our hearts, or takes it away,
just as he pleases.
He has hardly opened a path to our hearts through our eyes
when he chains up our spirit and takes away our freedom.
He brings sweetness and pleasure
if you let him have his way,
but fills you with loathing
if you try to keep him at bay.
Love's a little thief,
a little serpent is Love.
He gives peace to our hearts, or takes it away,
just as he pleases.
If he settles in your heart, if he nips you there,
do everything he asks, for this is what I'm going to do.
Despina! Despina!
What is it?
Just take this key and, without asking questions,
without asking any questions at all, take from the wardrobe
one of our sweethearts' swords, a hat
and a uniform, and bring them to me.
What are you going to do?
Go. And don't ask questions.
Madam Arrogance gives terse orders!
To the battlefield, to the battlefield!
No other way remains for us to preserve our innocence.
I've understood enough. Go on, don't be afraid.
Here I am.
Go. Send a man to order six post-horses immediately.
Tell Dorabella that I wish to speak to her.
It shall be done.
This woman seems to have taken leave of her senses.
Oh, how it transforms my appearance and my face!
Even I hardly recognize myself now!
In a very short time
I shall be in my faithful lover's arms.
In this attire, disguised,
I shall come before him.
Oh, what joy will fill his heart when he recognizes me.
And meanwhile, I, wretched man, shall die of sorrow.
What do I see?
I am betrayed!
Ah, leave me!
Ah, no, my beloved!
Your hand will plunge this dagger into my breast;
and, oh, God, if you do not have the strength
I shall steady your hand.
Rise, rise!
You hope for that in vain.
For pity's sake, what do you want of me?
Your heart or my death.
- Ah, I am no longer strong! - Yield, my dearest!
- Gods, advise me! I am no longer strong! - Yield, my dearest!
Turn your eyes to me with pity.
In me alone you can find
husband, lover and more if you wish.
My idol, do not hesitate any longer.
Merciful heaven!
husband, lover,
- and more if you wish. - Cruel man!
- My idol, do not hesitate any longer. - You have won.
Do with me what you will.
Embrace me,
oh, my dearest.
Let it be a consolation for all our suffering
to languish in sweet affection,
to sigh with delight.
Ah, poor wretch that I am, what have I seen! Whatever have I heard!
- For goodness' sake be quiet! - I'll pluck out my beard,
I'll lacerate my skin and charge at the stars with my horns.
Was that Fiordiligi, the Penelope, the Artemis of the age?
The cheat, the assassin, the rogue, the thief, the ***!
Let him get it out of his system.
- Well now! - Where is she?
- Who? Your Fiordiligi? - My Fior...
fior di diavolo, strangle her first and then me!
Now you must see that one must make distinctions in everything;
a little more merit...
Ah, stop tormenting me.
Rather let us try and find a way to punish them soundly.
I know a way: marry them.
I'd rather marry Charon's boat!
- Vulcan's cave! - The gates of hell!
Then remain single for ever.
Do you think men like us will ever want for women?
The world is full of them.
But what will the others do, if these have done this?
Deep down you love them, these plucked crows of yours.
Ah, unfortunately!
Unfortunately!
Well then, take them as they are.
Meanwhile listen to a stanza of eight lines.
You would do well to learn it by heart.
All men accuse women, but I excuse them
if they change their affections a thousand times a day.
Some call it a vice, others a habit,
but to me it seems to be a necessity of the heart.
The lover who finds himself deceived in the end
should not condemn others' folly, but his own;
for all women, whether young or old, beautiful or ugly,
- repeat with me: -
all women behave like this!
All women behave like this!
Be quick about it, my dear friends, light the candles
and prepare the table richly and nobly.
Our dear mistresses' wedding is already arranged;
let every one of you go to his place until the bridegrooms arrive.
Let's be quick about it, dear friends,
let's light the candles,
and let's prepare the table
richly and nobly.
Well done, well done! Most excellent!
What abundance! What elegance!
Both of the bridegrooms will give you a suitable tip.
Now the two couples are drawing near. Welcome their arrival.
May merry songs and jubilant sounds fill the air with cheerfulness.
A prettier comedy never has been nor will be seen.
May the two husbands
and the two loving brides be blessed!
May heaven look on them with favour,
and like hens may they produce
an abundant brood of children,
all as beautiful as they are!
How everything here seems to promise perfect happiness and love!
Oh, my beloved, everything is now responding to my ardour.
You are so beautiful!
You are so charming!
What lovely eyes!
What a lovely mouth!
- Clink glasses and drink! - Drink and clink glasses!
And in your glass and mine
may every thought be drowned
- And in your glass and mine - and may no memory of what is past
- may every thought be drowned... - remain in our hearts.
Ah, if only it were poison they were drinking,
these dishonourable vixens!
Gentlemen, everything is ready.
The notary is coming up the stairs with the marriage contract
and ipso facto will be here.
Wonderful! Bring him in at once.
I'll go and get him.
Here he is.
With all good wishes, the notary Beccavivi
comes to you with the usual dignity of his office.
And the stipulated contract with the ordinary regulations
in judicial form, first coughing,
then sitting down,
he will read to you clara voce.
Splendid, truly splendid!
By means of the contract drawn up by me
the following will be joined in matrimony:
Fiordiligi with Sempronio
and with Tizio Dorabella, her legitimate sister,
the ladies are from Ferrara, the gentlemen are noblemen of Albania;
and as to dowries and settlements...
These are already decided.
We believe you, we trust you. We'll sign, just give it to us.
Excellent, truly excellent!
How wonderful is the life of a soldier!
Every day a different place;
much today, little tomorrow,
now on land, now on sea.
What sound, what singing is that?
Keep calm; I'll go and see.
Oh, mercy! Heavenly gods!
What a terrible thing! I tremble and freeze!
- Your lovers! - My lover!
They're at this moment arriving, oh, gods! They're already landing on the shore!
Whatever do I hear! Oh, cruel fortune!
What shall we do at such a moment?
- Go, quickly! - But what if they see us?
- Go, quickly! - But what if they meet us?
There, there, hide, I beg of you.
- Gods, help us! Gods, advise us! - Calm yourselves! Calm yourselves!
Who will save us from this peril?
Trust in me. All will be well.
A thousand cruel thoughts
are torturing my heart;
if they discover the deception,
ah, whatever will become of us?
Safe and sound we return,
full of exultant joy, to the loving embraces
of our most faithful sweethearts,
to reward their fidelity.
Good heavens!
Guglielmo! Ferrando!
Oh, what joy! Where? How?
And when?
Recalled home again by royal orders,
full of happiness and joy
we return to our adored sweethearts,
we return to your friendship.
But why this pallor, this silence?
My idol, why so sad?
Confused and amazed with joy...
Ah, the words falter on my lips.
- If I don't die it will be a miracle. - ...they remain tongue-tied.
Let me have this trunk put in that room.
Gods, what do I see!
A man hidden here!
A notary!
What's he doing here?
No, sir, it isn't a notary.
It's Despina in fancy dress,
who's just returned from a ball and came in here to change.
Where could you find a scheming woman...
It's Despina, it's Despina!
- ...to equal this one? - I don't understand what's happening!
I've dropped the documents. Pick them up surreptitiously.
But what are these papers?
A marriage contract.
A marriage contract?
Great heavens! You've signed this,
there's no point in denying it!
Treachery, treachery!
Ah, just let us find out all about it,
and then blood will flow
in torrents, in rivers, in seas! Yes!
Ah, sir, I am mortally guilty,
and death alone is all I ask.
I see my fault too late.
With this sword pierce my breast, which is not worthy of mercy.
What happened?
Let that cruel man and that temptress speak for us.
What they say is all too true, and the proof of it is locked in here.
I tremble, my blood runs cold with fear.
Why ever did he give them away?
The Albanian cavalier
bows before you, beautiful lady!
My lady, I return to you
the portrait in exchange for the little heart.
And to the magnetic doctor
I render the honour he deserved.
Heavens, what do I see!
They're dumbfounded!
I cannot bear such grief!
They're half demented!
There's the cruel man
who deceived us!
I deceived you, but it was a deception
that undeceived your lovers,
who will be wiser now,
who will do whatever I want.
Give your hands to each other: you are husband and wife.
Embrace one another and keep silent.
Now you may all laugh at yourselves. I've laughed and will go on laughing.
My idol, if this is true,
with faithfulness and with love,
I shall know how to recompense your heart,
I shall know how to love you for ever.
I believe it, my lovely joy,
but I don't want to put it to the test.
I don't know if this is a dream, I'm confused and ashamed.
It's good, though they've done this to me, that I've done the same to many others.
How happy is the man who looks on the bright side of everything,
and in all circumstances and trials let’s himself be guided by reason.
Something that only makes others weep
gives him cause to laugh,
and amid the storms of this world
he will find perfect peace.