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As a little boy I gazed through my windows into my society,
But all I saw was negativity composing and constructing masculinity;
All I saw were tainted images of manhood in my neighbourhood,
With women hurt while children were abandoned... and I saw this little boy,
Hoping to become a BIG man but was forced to focus outside the home,
Since daddy was not there.
I resisted the essence of femininity and rebelled, So although mummy tried her best to raise
me ... I still rebelled. I hope you would understand that mummy was
not a man, And I was a boy...a male...hoping so much
to be a "Big Man," So I quickly pulled away from mummy's hands
since she wore, Dresses and curlers and I wore pants.
I repelled the surrounds of femininity in the home,
And gazed outside...but all I saw outside were guns and gang violence,
And mothers crying, "Yuh just like yuh fada!" And the father outside hunting for another
'child-mudda,' To 'conquer' and boast to the world of how
much a 'man' he is. What kind of non-sense is this is this?
Though I was a little boy distorted by what I saw,
I was forced to adopt sub-standards since that was all I saw of men!
I turned on the radio and I heard was, "Woman doh like...woman doh like...woman doh
like soft man." I don't want to be a soft man...so please
stop looking at me! Like Barry Chevannes, 'Being a man to me was
much more necessary than morality.' But all I heard was, "Bad ah bad, bad ah bad...man
ah Bad man!" So if BAD was what manhood meant... then away
with morality... Because a boy I am and a man is what I really
want to be.
But when the blinders fell from my eyes I saw a different masculinity;
I saw daddy walking his baby and a husband living in monogamy,
I saw men in schools reading many books without being emasculated,
I saw a man clothed with designs from Genesis to Revelation,
And proudly displaying his signature designs throughout the nation.
Ah! A sign of relief to the young boy, Because now I can be what I always wanted
to be, Without the jeers and peers from the guys
or shouts of 'sissy' 'Look men on television cooking, doing the
laundry and caring for the baby!' A man with bible in hand leading his family
to God; Now this boy knows what kind of man he wants
to be.