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I have to.
You're finally ready,
right?
You know
there's no other choice.
There's never
been a choice.
The answer is yes.
Dean.
Of course,
I have a few conditions.
What changed your mind?
The damnedest thing.
I mean,
the world's ending,
The walls are
coming down on us.
I just didn't want
to let you down.
So screw destiny.
I say we take the fight to them,
do it our way.
Hello?
Hello?
Hiya.
Buddy,
you can't be here.
'course I can.
Someone's got to
get everything ready.
They're coming --
all of them.
And we've each got
our part to play.
Even you.
What?
You're dinner.
Aaah!
aah! Aah!
Whew.
Nice digs, for once.
Busy night.
Any port in a storm,
I guess.
If you could just
fill this out, please.
Yeah.
Sir, I think
you got a little
Shaving Nick there.
Your key.
Oh.
Thanks.
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have
a coffee shop, would you?
Buffet.
All you can eat.
Best pie
in the tri-state area.
You don't say?
oh, darling
Heaven, right?
Trust me, pal --
better.
you know that I love you
oh, yes
sweetie pie
you're the apple of my eye
you know, you know,
you know that I love you
How you doing?
No.
But --
No.
Oh, lady, I'm just,
you know --
I understand.
And no.
you know, you know
that I love you
Sam, unpucker, man.
Eat something.
We should
hit the road, Dean.
In this storm?
What? I-it's --
It's biblical.
Exactly.
I-it's friggin' Noah's ark
out there, and we're eating pie.
How many hours of sleep
did you get this week?
What? Three? Four?
Bobby's got
his feelers out, okay?
We have talked
with every hoodoo man
And root woman
in 12 States.
Yeah, well,
I'm not giving up.
Nobody's giving up.
Especially me.
We're gonna find a way
to beat the devil, okay?
Soon.
I can feel it.
And we will find cass,
we'll find Adam.
But you are no good to me
burnt out.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Come on.
We've actually
got the night off for once.
Let's try
to enjoy it.
you know, you know,
you know that I love you
yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know that I love you
Oh, what are you, 12?
I'm young at heart.
Wow.
Look at this.
We're like rockefellers.
Chocolates!
You want yours?
Knock yourself out.
Whoa.
"casa erotica 13"
on demand.
What?
Isn't this place
kind of
In the middle
of nowhere?
So?
So what's a four-star hotel
doing on a no-star highway?
Hello?
Hello?
The, uh,
the room next to ours --
T-the couple that are, uh,
joined at the lips --
Have you seen them?
Mr.
And Mrs.
Logan --
the honeymooners?
They checked out.
Is something
the matter?
They checked out?
Mm-hmm.
Mm, just now.
Really?
It sort of seemed like
they were, um
In the middle of something.
Yeah, it's kind of weird
for honeymooners
To, uh, check out
without this.
Oh, dear.
I'll just put that
right in the lost and found.
Don't you worry.
Is there anything else
I can help you with?
Uh, no.
No, we're good.
Super-fantastic.
Creepy.
Broke the needle.
All right, well,
I'll scope out the joint,
And you keep an eye
on Norman bates over here.
I mean,
one night off.
Is that
too much to ask?
This ain't
no peep show, man!
You're beautiful.
You're sweet.
I hate sweet.
sorry to interrupt.
The last guest
just arrived.
So everything's
ready?
As it will ever be.
Pantry's full.
And the winchesters?
Suspicious,
but under control.
You have their blood?
Of course I do.
I'm quick.
Boys never even knew
what hit them.
Thank you, Mercury.
Okay.
Let's get this show
on the road.
An elephant?
Yeah.
Like, an elephant?
Like, full-on babar.
So what the hell
Where is everybody?
Let me guess --
it's locked.
So, what? The roaches check in,
they don't check out?
Think about
how we got here.
That detour on I-90?
The friggin' hurricane?
You saying
we were led here?
Like rats in a maze.
Please be tomato soup.
Please be tomato soup.
Motel hell.
Help us!
Get us out!
Hurry up!
I'm going
as fast as I --
There's somebody behind me,
isn't there?
Something tells me this isn't
a shriner convention.
Dinner is served.
Ladies and gentlemen
Our guests of honor
have arrived.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for coming.
Well, in all my centuries,
I never thought I'd see this --
This many gods
under one roof.
Gods?
Now, before we get down to brass
tacks, some ground rules --
No slaughtering each other.
Curb your wrath.
Oh, and, uh, keep your hands
off the local virgins.
We're trying
to keep a low profile here.
Oh, we are
so, so screwed.
Now, we all know
why we're here.
The judeo-christian apocalypse
looms over us.
I know we've all had
our little disagreements
In the past,
But the time has come
to put those aside
And look toward the future.
D the future.
'cause if we don't,
we won't have one.
Now, we do have two very
valuable bargaining chips --
Michael and Lucifer's vessels.
The question is
What do we do now?
Anybody have any bright ideas,
speak up.
This is a safe room.
Oh, I don't like
his tone.
Kill them? Why?
So the angels here
can bring them back again?
I don't know what everybody's
getting so worked up about.
This is just a couple of angels
having a slap fight.
It's no armageddon.
Everybody knows
when the world comes to an end,
The great serpent jormungandr
rises up,
And I, myself,
will be eaten by a big wolf.
Oh, yeah?
And why is that?
Your beliefs
are so much more realistic?
The whole world's
getting carried around
On the back
of a giant turtle.
give me a break.
What are you
gonna do about it?
You watch your mouth
when you talk to me, boy!
No one's
ever proved that.
Stay.
We have to fight.
The archangels -- the only thing
they understand is violence.
This ends in blood.
There is no other way.
It's themOr us.
With all due respect
Ma'am
We haven't even tried
talking to them.
Kali.
Who asked you?
Can't we all
just get along?
Gab--
Sam.
Dean.
It's always
wrong place, worst time
With you muttonheads, huh?
Loki.
Baldur.
Good seeing you, too.
I guess my invitation
got lost in the mail.
Why are you here?
To talk about
the elephant in the room.
Not you.
The apocalypse.
We can't stop it, gang.
But first things first.
The adults need to have
a little conversation.
Check you later.
Okay.
Did that
Holy crap.
Yeah,
tell me about it.
By the way, next time I say
"let's keep driving,"
Uh, let's keep driving.
Okay, yeah,
next time.
Uh, all right,
so, what's our next move?
I-I --
I don't know.
We grab those poor saps
out of the freezer, I guess --
Bust them out.
Gank a few freaks along the way
if we're lucky.
And when are you
ever lucky?
Oh, you know what?
Bite me, Gabriel.
Maybe later, big boy.
I should have known.
I mean, this had your stink
all over it from the jump.
You think
I'm behind this?
Please.
I'm the costner
to your Houston.
I'm here
to save your ***.
You want to pull us
out of the fire?
Bingo.
Those gods are either gonna
dust you or use you as bait.
Either way,
you're uber-***.
Wow -- 'cause
a couple of months ago,
You were telling us
that we need to play our roles.
You were uber-boning us.
Ohhhhh,
the end is still nigh.
Michael and Lucifer
are gonna dance the lambada.
But not tonight.
Not here.
And why do you care?
I don't care.
But
Me and kali,
we, uh
Had a thing.
Chick was all hands.
What can I say?
I'm sentimental.
Do they have a chance?
Against satan?
Really, Sam?
You got
a better idea, Dean?
It's a bad idea.
Lucifer's gonna turn them
into finger paint.
So let's get going
while the going's good.
Okay, great.
Why don't you
just zap us out of here, then?
Would if I could.
But kali's got you
by the short and curlies.
It's a blood spell.
You boys are on a leash.
What does that mean?
Means it's time for a little
of the old black magic.
ahh.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, whatever.
We're gonna take
the hors d'oeuvres
In the freezer with us.
Forget it.
It's gonna be hard enough
sneaking you mooks out of here.
They called you "loki,"
right?
Which mean they don't
really know who you are.
Told you --
I'm in Witness Protection.
Okay, well, then how about
you do what we say,
Or we tell
the, uh, legion of doom
About
your secret identity?
They don't seem like
a real pro-angel kind of crowd.
I'll take
your voices away.
We'll write it down.
I'll cut off your hands.
Then people
are gonna be asking,
"why are you guys running around
with no hands?"
Fine.
Bonjour, mon amour.
Leave.
You always did
play hard to get.
I've moved on.
I noticed.
Baldur?
Really?
Baldur's uncomplicated.
No!
No, no!
No! No! Stop!
No!
It's too late.
I never took you
for the type.
Romantic?
Pathetic.
You're the one
who called me here.
Because I thought
you might take this seriously.
I'm taking this
seriously.
Ship's sinking.
Time to get off.
I mean, screw this marble.
Let's go check out pandora.
It doesn't have to be
like that.
Afraid it does.
If we fight
You die.
And what makes you
such an expert?
I've tussled with those winged
***-monkeys once or twice.
Kali
No more tricks.
I'm begging you --
don't do this.
I have to.
Can't blame me
for trying.
Still love me?
No.
Ow!
Where the hell
is Gabriel?
You must take me
for a fool
Gabriel.
You're bound to me --
now and forever.
Ghostfacers! Ghostfacers!
ghostfacers
we face the ghosts
when the others will not
we're the ghost,
ghostfacers
they leave the kitchen
when the kitchen gets hot
Is the intern position
open?
You're hired!
really?
See my face
right in your little box?
Yeah.
Okay, my face has got to be
right in your box.
ghostfacers
we face the faces,
we face the ghosts
ghostfacers
If you're dead,
you better stay dead.
Yep.
'cause if not,
we're gonna kill you.
How long
have you known?
Long enough.
How's the rescue
going?
Well,
surprise, surprise.
The trickster
has tricked us.
KaliDon't.
You're mine now.
And you have
something I want.
An archangel's blade.
From the archangel
Gabriel.
Okay!
Okay!
So I got wings.
Like kotex.
But that doesn't make me
any less right about Lucifer.
He's lying.
He's a spy.
I'm not a spy.
I'm a runaway.
I'm trying
to save you.
I know my brother,
kali.
He should scare
the living crap out of you.
You can't beat him.
I've skipped ahead --
seen how this story ends.
Your story --
not ours.
Westerners -- I swear,
the sheer arrogance.
You think
you're the only ones on earth?
You pillage and you butcher
in your God's name.
But you're not
the only religion.
And he's not
the only God.
And now you think you can
just rip the planet apart?
You're wrong.
there are billions of us.
And we were here first.
If anyone
gets to end this world
It's me.
I'm sorry.
This is crazy.
They can die.
We can kill Lucifer.
All right,
you primitive screwheads.
Listen up.
Are you
out of your mind?
I'm out of options.
Now,
on any other given day,
I'd be doing my damnedest
to, uh, kill you,
You filthy,
murdering chimps.
But, uh, hey
Desperate times.
So even though
I'd love nothing better
Than to slit your throats,
youDicks
I'm gonna help you.
I'm gonna help you
ice the devil.
And then we can all get back to
ganking each other, like normal.
You want Lucifer?
Well, dude's not
in the yellow pages.
But me and Sam,
we can get him here.
How?
First, you let
those main courses go.
Then we talk.
We can either
take on the devil together
Or you lame-*** ***
can eat me.
Literally.
Come on, everybody!
Let's go!
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
All right.
All right.
Go! Go! Go!
Get out of here!
Psst! Dean!
D--
don't look at me!
Act natural.
Get in.
Man, there is nothing natural
about this at all.
I thought
you were dead.
You think I'd give kali
my real sword?
That thing can kill me.
Then what do they have
in there?
A fake.
Made it out of a can
of diet orange slice.
So, uh
Go snag our blood,
would ya?
What?
I heard you in there.
Kali likes you.
You can get close.
Lift the plasma,
then we vamoose.
No.
Hand over
the real blade.
Better yet,
why don't you sack up
And help us
take down Lucifer?
You can't be serious.
Deadly.
Since when are you butt-buddies
with a bunch of monsters?
That's all they are to you,
aren't they?
All right, you know what?
Sam was right.
It's nuts.
But it's the best idea
I've heard.
So unless you have
a better one
Well,
good luck with that.
Me,
I'm blowing Jonestown.
Those lemmings
want to run off a cliff,
That's their business.
I see right through you.
You know that?
The smart-*** shell, the whole
"I could give a crap" thing.
Believe me,
it takes one to know one.
That so?
Yes.
And maybe those freaks in there
aren't your blood,
But they are
your family.
They just stabbed me
in the friggin' heart!
Maybe, but you still give a crap
about them, don't you?
Dean --
Now, they're gonna die in there
without you.
I can't kill
my brother.
"can't" or "won't"?
That's what I thought.
So, you're going to
summon Lucifer?
Sort of.
I just need you to squeegee
some stuff from my ribs,
And he'll come running.
Breaking them
would be easier.
Show's over.
Sword's a fake.
And Gabriel --
he's still kicking.
I hate to break it to you,
sister, but you've been tricked.
Checking in.
Lucifer.
Thanks for coming.
Oh, you did right
calling me.
It's just
The way the talk
is heading in there, it's
It's insane.
You know, I never understood
you pagans.
You're such
Petty little things.
Always fighting
Always happy
to sell out your own kind.
No wonder you forfeited
this planet to us.
You are worse
than humans.
You're worse
than demons.
And yet
you claim to be gods.
And they call me prideful.
What's happening?
It's him.
How?
Does it matter?
Shazam us out of here,
would you?
We can't.
Of course you can't.
You didn't say
"mother, may I?"
Sam, Dean.
Good to see you again.
BaldurDon't.
You think
you own the planet?
What gives you
the right?!
No one
gives us the right.
We take it.
Are you okay?
Not really.
Better late
than never, huh?
Guard this
with your life.
Lucy.
I'm home.
Not this time.
Guys!
Get her out of here.
Over a girl.
Gabriel, really?
I mean, I knew
you were slumming, but
I hope you didn't
catch anything.
Lucifer
You're my brother,
and I love you.
But you are
a great big bag of dicks.
What did you
just say to me?
Look at yourself.
"boo-hoo.
Daddy was mean to me, so I'm
gonna smash up all his toys.
"
Watch your tone.
Play the victim
all you want.
But you and me --
we know the truth.
Dad loved you best.
More than Michael.
More than me.
Then he brought
the new baby home,
And you couldn't
handle it.
So all this is just
a great big temper tantrum.
Time to grow up.
I'm not getting
in that thing.
Just get in the car,
princess.
Gabriel, if you're doing this
for Michael --
Screw him.
If he were standing here,
I'd shiv his ***, too.
You disloyal --
Oh, I'm loyal.
To them.
Who?
TheseSo-called gods?
To people, Lucifer.
People.
So you're willing to die
for a pile of cockroaches?
Why?
Because dad was right.
They are
better than us.
They are broken,
flawed abortions.
Damn right
they're flawed.
But a lot of them try
To do better.
To forgive.
And you should see
the spearmint rhino.
I've been riding the pine
a long time,
But I'm in the game now.
And I'm not on your side
or Michael's.
I'm on theirs.
Brother,
don't make me do this.
No one makes us
do anything.
I know you think you're doing
the right thing, Gabriel.
But I know where your heart
truly lies.
Here.
Amateur hocus-pocus.
Don't forget --
You learned all your tricks
from me, little brother.
dear diary
Being a high-powered
business president is super-fun
But so exhausting.
Sometimes I just need to relax.
I needCasa erotica.
Room service.
Come in!
Gabriel wanted you
to guard this with your life?
Maybe he's a fan.
It is
a good one.
I've got the kielbasa
you ordered.
Mmm.
Polish?
Hungarian.
Ahh!
Ooh!
What the hell's
going on?
Sam.
Dean.
You're probably wondering
what the hell's going on.
Well
If you're watching this
I'm dead.
Oh, please!
Stop sobbing.
It's embarrassing
for all of us.
Without me, you've got
zero shot at killing Lucifer.
Sorry.
But
You can trap him.
The cage you sprung lucifer
from is still down there.
And maybe -- just maybe --
you can shove his *** back in.
Not that it'll be easy.
You got to get the cage open,
trick my bro back into it,
And, uh -- oh, yeah --
Avoid michael
and the God squad.
But hey, details, right?
And here's the big secret
Lucifer himself
doesn't even know.
But the key to the cage --
it's out there.
Actually, it's keys --
plural.
Four keys.
Well, four rings.
From the horsemen.
You get them all,
you got the cage.
Can't say
I'm betting on you boys,
But, uh, hey,
I've been wrong before.
And, Dean
You were right.
I was afraid
to stand up to my brother.
Not anymore.
So this is me standing up.
And this is me
Lying down.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh, man.
Horsemen, huh?
Well, we got war's.
We nicked famine's.
That's two rings down.
Just need
pestilence and death.
Oh, is that all?
It's a plan.
What the hell?
Does this stuff
make you drowsy?
I got
a lot of driving to do.
Blue ones
make you sleepy.
Red and orange ones
are okay for daytime.
This is --
this is awful.