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Do you ask your child to apologize when they've
done something wrong? When they've hit their sibling
or they've hit you? I can understand why you do that. You want to teach your child
this is what you do when you make a mistake. The problem is
it doesn't work very well. Why is that?
Well, because most likely it's not heartfelt.
You're asking them to do something... "I'm sorry"
and whether they really mean it or not who knows.
So if you can't ask a child directly
to apologize how do you teach them this compassionate
skill? By modeling, that's how you do it.
Let me set up a scenario. Husband says to wife
"honey I'm really sorry I forgot to put the car
in this shop today I'll do it tomorrow. Will you forgive me?"
Wife leans over "of course honey I love you.
I forgive you". Wife says to husband
"honey I'm really sorry I forgot to pick up your shirts today. I'll get it done
tomorrow.
Will you forgive me?" Husband says to wife "sure honey
I love you. I forgive you." You can do this with a friend too.
So what have you just modeled? You've modeled forgiveness, you've modeled grace
and you've apologized and you do this in such a way that it's not a lecture
because you not even looking at the children, you're looking at each other.
Try this. See it as an experiment
and see if it improves or enhances your
child's ability to apologize on their own. If you need some more help
and if you'd like some more ideas give me a call. I'd be glad to help.