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Transgender: an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity does not associated with their biological sex.
Pede (slang, discriminating): transgender people.
My name's Yuki. I am 19 years old.
I am transgender.
"Many a father has but a bad son," the elderly say.
I am born male, but I see myself as a female.
But people consider me as neither male nor female.
They simply call me...
I've no idea about other 'pede' adults
or teenagers having just been drawn into the web of life.
But I understand it's miserable to be discriminated.
Many a time, when I apply for a job, people just look at my appearance.
Not a time do they need to know my competence.
They just call me "pede", "bóng".
"There's nothing for pede here. What on earth can you do but steal?"
I often feel very upset and shameful, but I don't know what to do with them.
People have their own freedom of speech, which is uninhibited.
We cannot sue them for discrimination and stigma.
I've gone from one place to another, but there's nowhere giving me a job.
I'm unemployed, stay home with my parents and work for people who call me.
In my neighborhood, some girls know I'm good at making up,
so they ask me to do it for them when needed.
I can also do the hairdressing and cooking.
Sometimes I am asked to sing at funerals, weddings, remembrance days...
Many people seeing me do that call me abnormal and corrupted.
Actually, we're not into singing at funerals.
We don't want to be ridiculed.
We are just earning a living.
I wish to be like everyone, have a stable job, and do what I love.
I wish to live happily like anyone else.
I don't know whether it will come true,
but this society disappoints me a lot.
Many times I remind myself that I do no harm to anyone.
I don't blame the society,
but when it keeps considering me abnormal,
I'm still lost in the ocean of people.
I am a human being. I can work, understand, speak and think.
Though people call me this animal, that animal It does not make me less human.
I only dream of coming to Thailand someday, become a real female, fulfill my wish,
and society acknowledges me as a real female.
In case I can't return,
I wished to die in a female body.
Though I could only live for 1 hour or 1 minute,
I'd be satisfied to do it.
Some people may think I'm brave. Some may say I'm idiot.
But I don't live to prove such things.
I live to be myself.
Only when the daylight fades and the traffic lights emerge, my life begins.
But I don't like that.
I wish someday our dawn comes earlier and brighter.
Thank friends who appeared in this video clip:
Yuki, Junny, Bi, Bo, Hanh Phuc, and many other friends.
Made by: Hong Hanh, Hai Yen
Film and edit: The Huy Subtitle: Thien Binh
September 2012
On 25th November, 2012, Yuki and her friends joined the festival "Diversity Fest" organized by ICS.
This was the first time Yuki and her friends could be proud to appear beyond the sunshine, not the traffic lights.