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Dear Gillette,
Is that how you pronounce that? That’s stupid. What is that French or something?
Should be Gillette.... Gillette... anyway...
I am aware that I am writing to an entity of business, and so request to the opener of this
letter, that he pass this request to his commanding officer. Oh wait this request is
for the commanding officer - no I just wrote this. Ah. Banderson get me some brandy
I’m starting to get confused again.
Or whatever title you oily types might give your superior in command.
I have never compremended why a man would shave, unless he is assigned
to some clandestine reconnaissance, or must escape the clutches of enemy patrols after
finding himself in their territory, by disguising himself as a woman, or a pre-pubescent boy.
Even then I would think that a moustache is a minimum, and on hearing from a young artillery
officer attached to my battalion – Lieutenant Peter Waldorf Ascot the Younger, that it is
much the fashion to be bald faced in parts of London, I wonder if I will ever be able
to trust a woman again, without first referring her to the staff surgeon.
Recently I broke my sword on a Éclaireurs’ head, and I am looking to urgently purchase
a new one, as although a bayonet is all well and good for Roman style thrusting... what
was I talking ab- ah yes, I prefer the versatility of a slashing, stabbing, and hacking weapon.
I have heard that Gillette is the best, quite the best, of that, that a man, can get. Could
you make me as sword as sharp as a razorblade, as strong as an axe, and as pointy as a bayonet?
I’m not looking for parade ground fare, just a cold and reliable bringer of French frog
eating death.
I have complete trust in your superlatine profit driven venture, my only concern being
these handled razor blades I see that come in sets of three or four. Is this a deliberate,
artistical statement about society, or is the inventor some sort of lunkedheaded clodpoll?
Why not save some metal and just offer a piece with a single good blade, instead of three
or four inferior ones, you foolish ***.
Let me know the cost of making me a death sword.
Yours sincelery,
Lieutenant Colonel Anonymous Bilgewater.