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You really outdid yourself with the stuffing this year Mom! And grandma those green beans,
muah! Alright Deandra, Phase One is complete. Now it's time to execute Operation Thanksgiveme.
God, such a good name, such a good name. Alright let me just switch this out for my eatin'
arm. Yeah, lookin good! Who's the best? You're the best! You've had all year long to prepare
for this day, are you ready? You're *** right I'm ready! Gobble gobble, ***.
Gobble, gobble.
Hiiiiieee!
Hiii Deandra, what are you doing here?
Oh I thought I'd just stop by and say hey to my old friend Shay Van Buren. You know
chill, talk about boys.
Oh well, we're actually about to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner.
Oh my God is that today? I guess my family must've just completely forgotten. My parents
have been so busy lately, must've slipped their minds. No worries. I guess I'll just
go home and well, there's probably a Charlie Brown special on or something right?
Well, do you want to join us?
Oh really, well jeez, I hadn't really thought of it-
Hey guys, is it cool if Deandra joins us for dinner?
So are you guys a grace family or a no grace family?
Well, we only say grace when my mom's sober.
Will you stuff my turkey.
Wow, is she dead?
No, she's just AD proof.
Oh cool. Alright, well I'm just gonna start helping myself here to a little bit of this
turkey, mmm, a little bit of this stuffing, pop a few hawaiian rolls on here, mashed potatoes
of course, and I wouldn't be doing justice to those without a little bit of gravy, and
by a little bit I mean a lot. Some cranberry sauce. Oh, cranberry jelly! You Van Burens
sure know how to put out a spread.
Well Deandra, you're lucky we had room for you. My thirty-one year old boyfriend, thirty-one,
was supposed to join us, but instead decided to spend Thanksgiving with his kids.
And his wife.
Yeah, I know, she like sees him all the time. She's such a selfish ***. So tell me Deandra,
what's the deal with your parents, do they like hate you or something?
Are they dead?
Oh no, no, no, no, no little gremlin they're just super forgetful. By the way you should
probably eat up. Midnight will be here sooner than you think.
So what Deandra, you just rolled on over here so you could mooch off of us?
Cameron, Deandra is my friend! She came here to hang out because her family's like super
forgetful. You know what it's like to be forgetful. You know, like when your boyfriend's about
to break up with you and you forget to take your birth control? It's Thanksgiving for
***'s sake. How 'bout you try a little more thanking and giving and a little bit less
being a ***? Sorry, Deandra.
Deandra?
Alright, I'll see you guys later. Hope you don't mind, I took a doggy bag, byeee!
I just had the strangest dream that a Terminator came from the future and ate our entire Thanksgiving
dinner. Maybe I should switch to the red.
De-andra, what um-
Oh I thought I'd just stop by and say hey to my old friend Mackenzie Zales. You know
chill, talk about boys. Oh are you having Thanksgiving dinner? Oh I guess my family
must've just completely forgotten. My parents have been so busy lately. No worries. I guess
I'll just go home and watch Charlie Brown or something. Unless you'd like me to stay?
Um, I guess you-
Oh great!
Mind if I sit next to you little Zales?
I'm not eating. I had too many crayons!
Been there. ***' been there. You are gonna have some colorful poops though.
Alright you guys, I've got fifteen minutes to get through this *** and then I've got
a video conference with Beijing.
Hi, I don't believe we met, I'm Mackenzie's-
Jack, what part of fifteen minutes do you not understand? Let's say grace. Dear God,
thank you for the food, thank you for my family, and if you let the Nasdaq drop another fifteen
points I swear to your son Jesus Christ, I will personally go up there and rip your ***
balls off! Amen.
Amen. That was my kind of grace, a little bit of thanks, whole lot of thinly veiled
threats! I gotta say Mrs. Zales you've cooked up quite the spread of meats, stuffings, and
various Thanksgiving accoutrements!
Oh well, actually I cooked the-
Jack! Do you want to have Thanksgiving dinner or a brag-a-thon? Because if you do, I'll
gladly talk about my income versus yours. Katelynn! Clothes on!
I'm a turkey!
Goddamit Katelynn, I'm sorry Deandra.
Oh no, no problem. This girl actually reminds me a lot of myself when I was two.
She's seven.
Oh. Well, looks like you guys are out of food.
What the ***?
Thank God.
I'll clean up.
See you guys later.
Ha ha ha! Gobble gobble!
I said no *** ham this year Mom!
Hm, the Matthews family is a ham family, huh? Well, it's not really the same without-
And I *** hate cranberry sauce!
Yup, there it is. It's raining food, hallelujah! It's raining food.
...And bless my dog Choo-Choo, and bless Judith's cat Kenny, and bless Chuck Bass as he tries
to succeed in a post-Gossip Girl world, oh, and bless the Kansas City Chiefs-
Go Chiefs!
And bless my friend Judith, and bless this table, and bless all of these chairs and bless
Mom and Dad on that Carnival Cruise that they won at the mall and bless their friends Jerry
and Monica who they took on the cruise instead of us, and bless Pizza Street for letting
us have this pizza that nobody picked up and bless the producers of the Entourage movie
as they embark on this tremendous journey and bless Bridget, even though she's kind
of meaner than I think she has to be. Amen.
Amen.
Ahhh!
H-hey Deandra, what uh, what are you doin' here?
Oh well, I heard that lovely grace and I didn't want to interrupt.
Thank you.
So assuming you guys were gonna let me in after you heard my terrible sob story about
how my parents forgot about Thanksgiving, I just figured I'd let myself in.
Um, I don't mean to be a *** here, but are we even friends?
Of course we are, girl with glasses! Isn't that right, other girl with glasses? And I'm
assuming you're the elderly woman who runs this orphanage.
I'm twenty-seven and I'm her sister.
Oh ***, really? Were you in a fire or something?
No, I'm just dead inside.
Oh.
You would be too if you knew what I had to do to get this pizza.
Well, she seems like a barrel of laughs.
Yeah, she can be a real *** dum-dum sometimes.
What did you just say?
Uh Rach, maybe we shouldn't-
You can't hurt me Bridget! My friend Deandra has a robot arm and she will defend me!
Hey Deandra, how would you like a lifetime supply of Pizza Street coupons?
You have my full and complete attention! What do I have to do?
Just do nothing for the next five minutes.
Done and done.
Wait, what?
Are you, uh, you gonna eat that crust?
Oh no actually, I can't have gluten. I'm probably gonna be sick tonight. So go ahead, take it.
Wow, free crust and a lifetime supply of Pizza Street coupons? Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!