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It's winter. It's *** cold. We're playing some Winter Games. Ugh, boy. But anyway, let me get the greeting out of the way. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy...Everybody. Happy Holidays. And if you have a problem with Happy Holidays, then Happy Shut The *** Up. But there ain't nothing happy about this ***.
This is Winter Games on the NES. It's one of those olympic sporting games, which
seems like a simple concept. How bad could it possibly be?
But this is just one piece of a *** shat out by Epyx.
They made Summer Games, California Games, World Games, and of course Winter Games,
which found its way on every home console known to mankind. The Commodore, Amiga, Apple
Computers, and the Atari 2600 just to name a few.
And to be fair, most of them weren't that bad for the time.
They're simple sporting games that anyone could pick up and play. But
then comes the NES version. You'd expect this one to be a huge improvement, but let's
see
Alright, the game boots up
and the runner comes to light an olympic torch. Yeah, cool.
Can I skip it? (Nope) Ugh! What's the point!
I don't want to watch this.
I want to play the game! I guess the
programmers were really impressed with their work here. It looks ok, but it's not
worth staring at every time you start
*** game
even more senselessly actually give you an option replaying the intro
I obviously saw it once. Why the *** would I want to see it again?!
The name entry screen is a disaster. You can't move the cursor up or down. It only goes
left and right.
Isn't that fun?!
Not to mention, they only let you spell four-letter words, which I could think of plenty, but how many
they only let you spell four-letter words, which I could think of plenty, but how many names would have less than four letters? If you try to add a fifth letter, it goes back and replaces
the first letter, then you gotta figure out how to start over. When it reaches the last letter,
why couldn't it just stop?!
The simplest thing to do is to type in all A's, then go left once to get to the end button.
Because why put in a name anyway? It's not like the game is gonna save it.
But if it did, I guarantee most of the high scores will belong to AAAA.
The point is,
how hard is that the program something as simple as a name entry screen
if they can't even get that right
then WOAH!
Wait 'til you see the game!
In the Atari 2600 version, you compete in different events like
bob sledding and skiing
it was simple but it worked. So being that this is NES, they're obviously gonna top what they did before,
top what they did before, right? You know, jumping over to a newer console
there's gonna be some improvements. Maybe some more events. The Atari version had seven
events, so we can assume that this will have...
four?
Only
four?
The NES just got its 8-bit *** handed to it by the Atari 2600.
Well, that's fine with me. Spares me the shitiness.
It makes you wonder how it compares with the Atari 7800. Well, this
one to had only four but some of the events are different
so intolerable between the two parties it's as if they had the same amount of
games as a part twenty six hundred by when it is said to be a hundred and the
s_ cannot be provided them
between the two i'd never acting before
for students called hot dog every s tactic
of ski jump
okay
why is it called
hotdog aerials
well all that happens here
the crash used are
you crash you killed you crash
dairy rarely have gone approval and or some sort of law
holy computer the deep at around and hope for the best
what people cos
this the design a game with such a dysfunctional control scheme q
the only people know walter will call the ski jump hotdog aerials
next is speed skating
surprises not vote
it bingo
okay so the first thing that happens here
wind speeds away could you just and it right every button on the controller
until you realize you're supposed to happen
left on the deepak repeatedly
it's hell on your fingers in her ranks right up there with those busters we
have to go up the stairs by capping envy
isn't supposed to be fallen is expose the challenging
rocking the deep at left and right with his game design from monkeys
they don't even have the courtesy to explain it you need the manual their
kids a practice mode but it's the same exact thing as the regular game there's
no onscreen instructions whatsoever
many like that
isn't that the most beautiful radiant sound that has ever been
quest to find your soul
it's it's newburgh tonality harmoniously leads the banks wheels of electronic
with the melted rapture
of diarrhea global from a coyotes grapple
next let's try the box
okay i don't get this out
cancellation on the screen must both be looking here four-year i guess that's
the pops lead
is that the school shading looks like crap
literally it's like a port diary into a nice maker
what's that
white kitty scramble japanese expects switching off
we need to take the cartridge abalone or dispose of the clouds
all you do is skier the bobsled using left to right
so once again on controlling news is that the yet it's funny how the any s
controllers to big
bright red buttons that never seen coming in
in fact i believe the peabody is never a even use once the entire gain
so this is actually very simple
but because this results lit up like comic
panels with the speed on that or another unnecessary full *** it makes it look
like it's more complicated than a really is
well there's only one of them
figure skating
there is no hope for this game redeem itself
this is the worst them
i don't know how point system judge
but the idea is to simply make these girl do all kinds of skiing trips
mashed
panel around and try tapping pollens
and all that happens people's planet
very rarely i was able to
didn't purpose
final score always results in zero point zero that's pretty harsh
you even get testable wait for spinning around
this is painful
timer seems less than a turn in the not pregnant torture to your ears
notices always staring at a screen that's nine percent white makes me feel
like going line
evaluate
if i were to get out and ward at the age tripping trophy for the worst controls
ever in a video game
if you're going to get
i mean look at it i've never seen anything this unresponsive and getting
everytime combinations possible you know all it needs to be said about what it
means is that you push buttons that's all it
house where the interplay where it is
yet you push buttons lets it go like this
declare where did you get a lot to movie clips about retaining the politically
phillips and i think it's going to get
the client winter games
program this thing
reviews fred box
this is a blizzard of bad like apple if you got his capability great self-styled
low to produce a consulting catastrophe acts
do not stored extreme temperatures do not immersed in water to knock on wood
benzene dinner alcohol or other such solvents
throughout your truck cartridge do not attempt to disassemble
it
s