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[ Music ]
>> The mornings are usually my favorite time
of day, the house is quiet.
The kids have all gone to school and it's just me and Emma.
She's my little ray of morning sunshine usually.
I'm rushing around trying to get my morning work done
and Emma gets bored or frustrated
and she wants my attention.
And that's when it happens.
I call it the sippy cup game.
No. Man I hate that sound.
Emma, mommy doesn't like when you do that.
This is not play time.
[Music] I'm just not sure that there's anything I can do other
than make that sippy cup disappear.
Maybe that cup will end up sleeping with the fishes.
[ Music ]
We can cut that out, right?
[ Music ]
>> Emma: Yeah.
>> But if I didn't know any better and I do, I really do.
I would swear that little cup had it out for me.
I'm at the point where I would try anything to get Emma
to stop this behavior but I don't know what to do.
>> Well that's a task of early childhood is
to really get your parents' attention
and you get your parents' attention however you can
because for kids, any attention is attention from their parents.
Ignoring those behaviors, we know,
is a really effective strategy for parents to use.
>> Distraction is a good tool for parents to use
when kids are -- might be acting up.
[Music]
>> Oh Emma, Emma look.
Look it's a bird.
It's a bird.
Do you see it?
>> Another way is what we call natural consequences.
Natural consequences are consequences that we try
to use throughout the day in a natural way.
That help kids make a good connection
between what's happening or what their behavior was
and what the consequence was.
>> Well now Emma your cup's on the ground and I won't be able
to pick it up for a while.
So it'll just have to stay down there until I'm done.
[Music] Well, it's amazing.
Not only did I learn how to improve Emma's behaviors
but the importance
of recognizing her good behaviors as well.
Emma, I am so proud.
You are being so good with your sippy cup.
Let's play some more.
>> Emma: All right, that's enough.
>> And Emma and I are having more fun than ever.
It's really, really great.
Oh and the sippy cup?
Well that's another story.
Whew, ugh.
Oh what are you looking at?
[ Music ]
[ Silence ]
[ Music ]
>> When your child is acting up, you can try to distract them
or get them interested in something new.
If that doesn't work, you can use consequences.
Consequences let our children see what happens
when they misbehave.
There are 5 steps to using consequences
to reduce misbehavior.
Step one, identify the misbehavior you want to stop.
You want your child to know what behavior you
like and don't like.
>> Emma, I am so proud of you.
You are being so careful with your sippy cup.
>> Emma: [Inaudible] --
>> Hey let's play some more.
>> Step two, give a warning.
>> When there is a real consequence to it
that you give a warning as opposed to a threat.
You know this is going to happen if you don't change
and if it doesn't change then you follow through with it.
>> Use if then statements such as if you don't pick
up your toys like I asked then you will lose play time
this afternoon.
This gives your child a second chance to comply.
>> One of the things we often suggest to parents is
to give children at least two chances to follow instructions.
That way you can get around the possibility that maybe
in the first time around they didn't hear you.
>> Make sure your child knows there will be a consequence
for not doing what you asked.
Step three, give a consequence.
[Music]
For minor misbehaviors, you can ignore the behavior
and not reward your child with your attention.
>> One of the most valuable tools
that parents can use is ignoring.
So that is absolutely critical when parents feel
like their kids might be acting up just to get attention.
Ignoring is something that is really important for parents
to remember that removal of that attention
that is really allowing the child not to get their way.
>> Or you can delay a privilege.
Where you wait to give your child something
such as play time until after your child does what you want.
Or you could use a common sense consequence
where the consequence fits the misbehavior.
For example, you could take away the toy your child keeps
throwing at you.
Or you could use natural consequences
where you let the child live
with the natural result of her actions.
>> Oh, now Emma your cup's on the ground.
And I won't be able to pick it up for a while.
So it'll just have to stay down there until I'm done.
>> Never use natural consequences
when they put your child's safety at risk.
For more serious misbehaviors, you can use timeout
where you put your child in a quiet place away
from the things she might like such as toys.
Step four, tell them why.
Make sure your child understands what they did
to get the consequence.
>> Emma this isn't play time.
Mommy doesn't like it when you do that.
>> Step five, go back to positive communication.
After the consequence is over, go back to talking
and playing positively with your child.
Avoid lecturing your child or holding a grudge.
Be sure to give your child attention
for their good behavior.
>> A common challenge using negative consequences is
sometimes it's a kind of an emotional moment and you --
parents are stuck and they don't remember what to do.
>> Using consequences will help you stop your child from acting
up and it will also help keep similar problems
from happening in the future.
When possible try to use common sense consequences.
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