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FELICIA DAY: Oh, it's live!
Everybody, hi!
This is Felicia Day.
And I and my co-host are here to present to you Vaginal
Fantasy Book Club.
It's a book club.
We read romance novels, and then we talk about them while
we drink, and that's what this is.
With me are the usual suspects.
Bonnie Burton on the left.
BONNIE BURTON: Hello.
FELICIA DAY: And her moderately-sized
wine glass, I see.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, my back went out, so I'm on a lot of
pain medicine, so I figured some wine, not all of the wine
might be a good idea.
FELICIA DAY: No, that's probably better.
And Kiala, who just happens to look glamorous and amazing
with her hair blowing around.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Hi.
VERONICA BELMONT: What's up, Beyonce Kazebee?
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's me, Beyonce Kazebee.
FELICIA DAY: And then Veronica Belmont, as usual being
beautiful and lovely and big miked.
VERONICA BELMONT: Big mikeded.
And moderate wined.
BONNIE BURTON: Are we all on painkillers?
FELICIA DAY: Are we all drinking white wine?
VERONICA BELMONT: No, this is usually what I drink.
This pretty normal.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I have to do this.
Hold on.
OK, you better work, you thing.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
VERONICA BELMONT: Beer.
FELICIA DAY: What is that?
VERONICA BELMONT: Beer-oo.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow, you're drinking beer?
VERONICA BELMONT: Unless it's wine with a--
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, it's beer, and that is a
Simpson's bottle opener.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh!
KIALA KAZEBEE: And sometimes it just goes off in the drawer
over and over and over again for no reason.
VERONICA BELMONT: Did it say a thing?
I didn't hear it.
What did it say?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, it says--
here.
VERONICA BELMONT: You're wind is going to get really
distracting.
BONNIE BURTON: I know.
I'm moving it, I'm moving it.
It's like 900 degrees in Portland.
Here.
BONNIE BURTON: I feel like Kiala should
have background singers.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Wait, hold on.
I'm doing it.
Oh--
BONNIE BURTON: Do it again.
HOMER SIMPSON: [LAUGHING]
Yes!
Oh, yes!
Woo hoo!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Could you hear it?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Anyone else notice that I put my ear to my
microphone?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that was me.
VERONICA BELMONT: Like that's where the sound was
going to come out.
Technically, a microphone is also-- never mind, I
won't get into that.
FELICIA DAY: We are very excited to be here.
If you are new to us, we're going to talk about romance
books, so warning.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: I don't know.
I mean, some people always wander in, and they're
probably 13-year-old gamer guys, and like, what the hell?
But that's what we are, and stick with us, because reading
about sexy books and elves and fairies is not--
VERONICA BELMONT: You will learn some things, gentlemen,
whether you want to or not.
BONNIE BURTON: I guarantee you, gentlemen watching right
now, if you read some of the books that we're reading, you
might actually learn a few moves in the bedroom as well.
Because these books are very explicit in their sex scenes a
lot of times, and almost instructional.
Just saying.
FELICIA DAY: Some have diagrams.
No, I'm just kidding.
Before we start going to the book, I want to give a shout
out to-- so we have forum of about 10,000 people on our
Goodreads forum.
Check in the link if you're watching this later, or go to
Goodreads and join our group.
And we have a very active community of women and men who
meet up on their own to discuss the books that we pick
every month.
So this month, we have some shout outs.
In June, the Vaginal Fantasy Down Under Australia met on
June 3 and July 1.
There was a meetup in San Francisco on
June 2, New York City.
NoHo, which is North Hollywood, met Maryland,
Dayton, Ohio, Saint Louis, Ottawa,
Twin Cities and Austin.
They all had meetups last month, which is a lot.
That's actually a lot more than usual.
And in July upcoming, Beaver Dreams, which is a Canadian
hangout on air.
It's happening.
I just love giving you guys a shout out It's the best.
San Francisco is meeting on July 14.
New York City is meeting on July 27.
Dayton, Ohio is meeting on July 27, and Ottawa is meeting
on July 28.
VERONICA BELMONT: Is it possible that all different
locations, that each different location have
their own club name?
FELICIA DAY: I think Beaver Dreams is pretty hilarious.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's amazing!
That's so good.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I would say even if Beaver Dreams has a
t-shirt, I want one.
FELICIA DAY: There's a logo.
I've seen the logo.
BONNIE BURTON: I want a t-shirt.
I swear I'll wear it a lot.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, and if you're down in TacomaCon, we're all
going to be there.
And there's going to be a Geek and Sundry offside of that,
and we're going to be playing tabletop games on Friday from
2:00 to 4:00 on our location.
But where are you guys going to during Comic-Con?
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, boy.
BONNIE BURTON: I have like four panels.
Well, let's see.
One of the panels I'm really proud of I'm sure nobody will
be at from here because everyone will be leaving.
But on Sunday from 4:00 to 5:00, I have an anti-bullying
panel, which is kind of cool because Comic-Con's never had
an anti-bullying panel as far as I know.
But I'm on other panels, too.
Look from Thursday, I'm on two panels.
On Friday, I'm on a panel.
So I'll tweet out where I am because none of you are going
to remember this.
I don't even remember.
I'm just going to be everywhere, so just follow me
on Twitter if you want to see where I am.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Kiala, you're going down.
What are you doing down there?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm just going to hang out at the Geek and
Sundry site mostly.
Becca and I are going to be, um, drinking.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: And buddying around, and I will be swapping
on people's couches because I don't have
anywhere to stay yet.
FELICIA DAY: Kiala, let's talk.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: We're going to be doing all of our big
announcement on Monday about where we're hanging out, and
the programming.
And basically, we're doing an awesome lounge, so people can
just come and hang and drink and play games, and video
games, and all that stuff.
So all the details will be announced in the video here
and on our forums on Monday.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yea!
BONNIE BURTON: Yea!
FELICIA DAY: Veronica, what are you doing at Comic-Con?
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm mostly working for, like, a Hyundai
"Walking Dead" stuff.
So I'm going to be at their party on Friday night, and I'm
doing some shooting around Comic-Con.
I may be covering doing some blog posts for a publication,
but I'm not sure.
It hasn't settled yet.
I don't have a pass to my knowledge, so I may not
actually be going.
BONNIE BURTON: Did I give you one?
VERONICA BELMONT: No.
BONNIE BURTON: Or I gave Kiala one.
VERONICA BELMONT: You can have that one, so now
I don't have one.
BONNIE BURTON: Next year I'll remember just to put both of
you on my guest list, because I don't know if you guys
already have one.
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't need it, it's fine.
And then I'll probably hang out at Geek and Sundry, too,
so it should be fun.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, good!
Yea!
BONNIE BURTON: I'm going to try and hang out at the Geek
and Sundry thing as much as I can when I'm not passed out.
And I may just pass out there.
That might just be easier.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm just going to stay there.
Oh, the other things is I will probably write some stuff for
"MTV" too while I'm there.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, good.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I might do some work, I don't know.
FELICIA DAY: Veronica, talk to me.
I usually have a bunch of extra badges at the end, so
just talk to me.
VERONICA BELMONT: OK.
I don't know where I'm staying, either, so I may
actually be sleeping at the Geek and Sundry thing as well.
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, you don't have a place to stay either?
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't know yet.
I just my flight today, so I don't know what's happening
with hotels yet.
BONNIE BURTON: All right.
We'll figure stuff out.
FELICIA DAY: It's actually easier to get hotels this
year, I noticed.
Last year it was a lot harder.
It feels like people are scaling back in weird ways.
BONNIE BURTON: Honestly, I mean, I don't know how many of
our viewers go to Comic-Con, but I'm seeing more and more
people that I used to go see there all the time say they're
opting out because it's too crazy, it's not open anymore,
it's just too crowded.
And the panels are a joke.
I mean, unless you're on a panel, you
don't get into them.
So if you want to wait in line for, like, five hours, most
people don't want to do that.
FELICIA DAY: Well, Geek and Sundry's going to have a panel
on site, but yeah, we wanted to do a hangout, just a place
for everybody to just get away from it.
And it's really, really close the convention center, so you
can come in, and buy a drink, and sit down, and play games,
and I think it'll be sort of fun.
And we're going to have community
parties Friday and Saturday.
I'm telling you all our plans, but they're all going to be
announced Monday.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yea!
BONNIE BURTON: Yea!
FELICIA DAY: To make it really fun if
you're a community member.
BONNIE BURTON: And I have left over ribbons that say Vaginal
Fantasy on it from BayCon that I'm going pass out to people
that come up to me and say, hey, I really like "Vaginal
Fantasy." So as long as I've got those ribbons, I'll be
more than happy to give fans that come up to me an say Hi
some ribbons and some other stuff.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, that's awesome.
BONNIE BURTON: And I have like "Star Wars" swag from like a
decade of working at Lucasfilm.
So if you want "Star Wars" stuff, I'll
just give you pencil.
FELICIA DAY: Looks for Bonnie.
She's just woman with like a huge bag over her shoulder.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I'm going to start being like, here, have a pencil.
Have a badge.
Check out this new movie called "Revenge of the Sith."
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't know what "Star Wars" is.
BONNIE BURTON: You're lucky.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: So we don't have a "Vaginal Fantasy" panel on
site because there were no slots.
For some reason, something got really mixed up, and the put
us on a Sunday, which is family day.
Then they were going to make this change the name, and it
just got to be weird.
But we are all going to be at VidCon.
I'm saying this now because I'm actually not available on
the 30th of July, or whatever the last day of July is, so
we're going to push a week just like we did
this month, just FYI.
OK, let's get to the book.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Which one's the first one?
Is it the--
FELICIA DAY: "Fire Lord's Lover".
KIALA KAZEBEE: "Fire Lord's Lover."
FELICIA DAY: So the theme this month were sexy elves, then
fay men, right?
Or F-A-Y.
BONNIE BURTON: This is the first book.
FELICIA DAY: So the first book is "Fire Lord's Lover." Let me
hold it on Bonnie so you can look at this sumptuous cover.
Here's a description. "In a magical land ruled by ruthless
elfin lords, the Fire Lord's son, Dominic Raikes, plays a
deadly game to conceal his growing might from his
malevolent father until his arranged bride awakens in him
passions he thought he had buried forever.
Lady Cassandra has been raised in outward purity and
innocence while secretly being trained as an assassin.
Her mission is to bring down the elfin lord and his
champion son, but when she gets to court, she discovers
that nothing is what it seems, least of all the man she
married."
All right.
So that was the main pick for this month.
Veronica, you go first.
What did you think about the book this month?
VERONICA BELMONT: Wait, find that was the "Fire Lord's
Lover?"
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Gosh, I'm having a hard time
remembering.
I read them so long ago.
OK, hold on.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god.
VERONICA BELMONT: She was an assassin?
KIALA KAZEBEE: She was.
FELICIA DAY: She was the dancing assassin.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, she danced around.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, like Beyonce.
VERONICA BELMONT: I remember that.
Oh!
Oh, OK!
Yes, yes.
I remember this now.
OK.
FELICIA DAY: With the long, blonde hair.
VERONICA BELMONT: I did like it.
Yes.
FELICIA DAY: The dude had the long, blonde hair, and there's
a talking dragon.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, and his mistress is a total--
VERONICA BELMONT: Right, right.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Gosh.
Yeah.
Gosh, like I remember the basics of it, but now I'm
having a really hard time remembering the story.
Someone else go.
I'll remember it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Veronica, you didn't read it, did you?
VERONICA BELMONT: I did!
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: I read it!
I swear!
FELICIA DAY: OK, Kiala, go first, and then I'll go, and
then Bonnie goes.
And then you get to go last, Veronica.
It'll come back to you.
Although to be honest with you, the plot was pretty--
it's not an elaborate plot, let's just say.
BONNIE BURTON: It really is a--
[SNORES]
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm sorry.
It's really hot in here.
My bangs are driving me insane.
So, I liked it.
I liked it.
I couldn't really get into Dominic, because he's--
well, I don't like blonde dudes.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Especially white, silver-haired blonde.
FELICIA DAY: Wow!
KIALA KAZEBEE: I mean, I like them.
Just it's not like my first, like, thing that I
look at, you know?
But I just couldn't get into the long, silky hair.
Like, I was like that in "Lord Of The Rings." I didn't care
about Legoland.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: I didn't care about him.
And also, I thought he was kind of a
psychopath a little bit.
I don't know.
But I liked Cassandra.
Was that her name?
Yeah.
Cassandra.
I liked her a lot.
And I actually just really enjoyed the book.
I thought it was really cool that it was in London, but
then also elves.
I don't know.
I liked that part a lot.
VERONICA BELMONT: OK.
So this is the one they had the different, like, the
shards that they could speak to the other elfin lords with?
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, also the dragon.
The dragon.
VERONICA BELMONT: And the dragon that
was kind of a ***.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: She had these little orphans that she
adopted who were actually not annoying.
I really liked them.
VERONICA BELMONT: They were cute.
FELICIA DAY: Their magic was cute.
Their magic was almost better than her
dancing assassin magic.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: It's the finding magic?
See, I read it.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, the finding magic.
VERONICA BELMONT: There's a bug in here, and it--
I got it!
I got it!
FELICIA DAY: Damn!
BONNIE BURTON: Eww!
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, I got it.
BONNIE BURTON: You're a bug assassin.
VERONICA BELMONT: It was just a tiny-- it was a gnat!
It's fine.
FELICIA DAY: You should have danced more, Veronica.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I really should have danced.
All right, who's next?
Are you next, Felicia?
Talk about the book.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, OK.
No, Bonnie, you go first.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, really?
OK.
I'm with Kiala.
I have nothing against blonde guys.
Just I'm not necessarily initially attracted to them,
unless they're vampires named Spike.
That's about as blonde as I get as far as attraction.
Yeah, I kind of found him to be kind of a possessive jerk.
I get a whole "I couldn't be close to Cassandra because
then my dad would find out and kill here" situation,
especially when you find out his dad killed his dog.
From the very beginning I read that sentence, I'm like, I
hate this guy.
I want the king to die.
Like, if that was me and if anyone touched my
dog, they'd be dead.
So, yeah, I was down with that.
But Cassandry bugged me.
I don't know why.
I mean, I liked her some ways because she's in a situation
where she has to be passive and forced to be passive
because she has to pretend.
She's passive so she can be an assassin in disguise and not
just be badass from the beginning, and I get that.
But I don't know, I just found her kind annoying.
And again, this is what happens with me when I read
books like this, is I tend to like the side characters more.
So you're right, I did like the slaves that she employed.
I didn't think they were annoying at all.
In fact, if I was-- this is going to be a horrible quote,
but if I was going to have slaves, I'd pick
those two for sure.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
If I'm going to have an elfin power, I'd rather it be
tactile and interesting and useful power, not dancing.
I don't know.
Every time they described Cassandra dancing, either to
woo someone or two kill someone, I couldn't get "Flash
Dance" out of my head.
You know what I mean?
Like, I was thinking stripper dance.
And I'm sure it's not.
I'm sure it's like a really beautiful, elfin, Renaissance
festival kind of jig, but I was thinking stripper the
whole time, and it was really hard to take her seriously
because of that.
I wasn't thinking Dita Von Teese.
I was thinking, you know, "Showgirls." And that doesn't
really mesh well with me as far as a cool heroine.
But I did like the dragon, too.
I like the idea that Dominic-- which by the way is the least
elfin-like name I've ever heard-- but that Dominic--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Dominic Raikes.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it sounded more like--
I don't know.
It just didn't seem like elfin.
Usually elfin has like a lot of V's and apostrophes in it,
but I don't know.
I just didn't like Dominic.
He's just annoying to me.
But I don't like the fact he talked to the dragon a lot,
and that him and the dragon were bros.
But, eh.
But I will say the sex scenes were great.
I will give it, like a two legs up, if you will.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Because the sex scenes were right away, and
many pages, and very descriptive, and very good.
So if you want ***, this book is for you.
FELICIA DAY: It was definitely racy, which I thought
everybody would be happy about.
BONNIE BURTON: No, definitely!
FELICIA DAY: A lot of people in the forums commented that
they thought that the style of the book, which I agree, it
was definitely written as sort of, a lot of people said young
adult with sex in it.
I see their point, because it was very simply written.
The vocabulary wasn't large.
The lore was not very deep.
There was a lot of high elfin-speak.
It definitely was a simplified writing style.
But to me, that made it read very quick and enjoyable.
You're just kind of caught up, and you're not looking for
something to change your life or be like this world that you
want to cosplay in or something.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: But it was just a fun, light read.
I mean, I really enjoyed it.
You never were aware of the seams, except for in some of
the world building.
I mean, this basically the concept of the book is that
the elves are somehow inhabiting Georgian England,
so it was kind of trying to meld those two
together with the elf.
And I appreciated it, that it was a period, a historical
piece, but I didn't really get a flavor of
real Georgian England.
It just felt like you were in this fancy world.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
So this is something that I found interesting.
So OK, I definitely read the book.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: It's all come back to me now.
So the thing that I found interesting between both of
these picks is that in some ways, they're kind of similar
in terms of how they're laid out.
In both places, there is this elfin society that's kind of
hasn't been predominant throughout the history, but
has come back or is now existing in that world.
So in this book, it kind of makes the elves seem--
are they elves or fairies?
FELICIA DAY: They're elves.
In this one, they're elves.
In the other book they're called fae, which basically
are elves as well, but they're shape shifting elves.
We'll get there.
VERONICA BELMONT: They seemed kind of one-dimensional in a
lot of ways.
Like, you don't get a real sense of the society that
they've come from.
All you know is that they've come into this Georgian
England, and suddenly they have taken power because of
their abilities and their magical abilities.
And there isn't really a lot of description of how that
happened, or why they were so readily accepted, or how long
they've been there, or if there were, I didn't really
pick up on that, or kind of continue paying
attention to it.
That whole battle storyline felt a little bit
one-dimensional.
I also felt like Dominic that kind of character
you're just, like--
if you feel this way, just tell her.
For God sakes.
Like, are you really just going to go around being a
jerk to her for the rest of your life?
Just be like, you know, I really--
earlier on than he did.
I think he could have done this a little earlier, been
like, listen, lady.
You know, my dad, not the coolest guy, so just play it
cool, we'll figure something out, but I don't hate you.
I don't hate you.
I just have to kind of put on this act so people don't freak
out, so he doesn't try to *** everyone.
That's all he had to say.
It's like one conversation that he could have had, and I
know he's got some demons in his mind or whatever, but I
guess that's why books have plots, because--
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: If things are easy and made sense, the
book would just be over, and there wouldn't be any--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, if people actually told each other how
they really felt, we wouldn't have romance books, we'd have
romance paragraphs.
VERONICA BELMONT: They'd be steam paragraphs, but still.
FELICIA DAY: The dad was ridiculously maw-hahaha.
VERONICA BELMONT: Totally, totally.
FELICIA DAY: There was no subtlety with that guy.
He was just, I'm going to be evil, and I got power, and
that's pretty much it.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what I pictured the king,
the elfin king as?
And I know this is going to be hilarious, but I pictured him
as the Ice King from "Adventure Time."
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, me too.
BONNIE BURTON: Because it's so over the top, like, cartoony
evil, and also just you want to make fun of him and his
beard, and I don't know.
It's just, I don't know what's wrong with me.
I couldn't take this book seriously.
I tried, I really did, but like half the time I was
thinking "Showgirls," and the other time, I was thinking
"Adventure Time." So that's either like a good thing for
this book or a bad thing.
I'm not sure.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, personally I wish--
because I thought that it's cool to have a character who
is magically gifted to be the most beautiful
dancer in the world.
But the combination of I dance kill, I mean it couldn't just
have been an amazing dancer, and that could have made
somebody vulnerable to be able to kill.
VERONICA BELMONT: Georgia on Twitter is saying that in
their group, they were saying that she pictured the dance
like a River from "Serenity." Like, her style fighting.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, that's cool.
VERONICA BELMONT: I think that's kind of a neat idea.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I sort of like that, too.
BONNIE BURTON: What's that martial art that's dancing and
fighting Coppawetta?
Copa--
VERONICA BELMONT: Capoeira.
BONNIE BURTON: Capoeira.
VERONICA BELMONT: Capoeira.
BONNIE BURTON: It could be like that.
I don't know.
The only time I've ever seen a dance that was so beautiful
that it killed everyone-- not real life, but in a comic--
was a Sandman comic.
I think it was "Calliope," wasn't it?
And ironically, she was a stripper.
Then muses were strippers, and then they were holding back
their power because they were in hiding.
And then once she's, like, fine, I'm just going to be
myself, everyone in the strip joint died because her beauty
was so powerful that they bled from their eyes,
and they bled out.
Kind of like when you see an angel in "Supernatural," it's
so powerful that you go blind.
So I can see it being like that, but at the same time,
the way they describe her dance, it such a Burning Man,
hippie girl dance that I can't think of it as pretty.
I think of it as, like, all arms, and a lot of--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Twirling?
BONNIE BURTON: Like a cross between Stevie
Nicks and goth girl.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, totally.
BONNIE BURTON: You know?
And it doesn't seem like an attractive--
and I'd like to know what people think the difference
between her death dance and her "I'm a hot elf, and wooing
you" dance.
Like, how different are those two dances?
I'd like to know is it a lot more hip?
Is there more jazz hands in one?
Which is which?
FELICIA DAY: Well, somebody referred to it as an ancient
Elvin love dance or something like that
BONNIE BURTON: Right.
FELICIA DAY: That's the dad.
BONNIE BURTON: Because Ice King was all
excited about that.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, the Ice King was all excited about it.
We have a lot of mixed feelings on the forum.
You know, Ariel said that she found the unapproachable,
douchy male love interest tiresome, but then Lindsey
was, like, I like that Dominic was tender and not
alpha-maley.
When she wasn't "you are mine" kind of guy,
like I got the call.
BONNIE BURTON: He was in some instances.
If any other guy touched her, he was all glarey.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that's true.
Veronica, what are you giggling about?
VERONICA BELMONT: We were talking about the goth
dancing, and so I wanted to bring up that Try To Dance
Industrial Group video, instructional videos.
BONNIE BURTON: I love those.
VERONICA BELMONT: If you haven't seen them, Google "try
to dance industrial group video one," and watch that,
and then think of her dancing that way.
BONNIE BURTON: And "learn to dance goth" is another.
VERONICA BELMONT: Learn to dance goth, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Which is great.
As a recovering goth myself, I'm impressed that it's very
realistic and very true.
VERONICA BELMONT: I think Felicia is watching it on the
background.
Somebody's watching in the background.
FELICIA DAY: I want to watch it, but I'm, like, focus!
BONNIE BURTON: Can I ask a question of you guys?
What did you think of the ***
mistress that was, like--
FELICIA DAY: I felt--
BONNIE BURTON: I didn't care about her.
Was she just there to move the plot along, or did you, like--
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, I kind of liked the fact that she--
I kind of wanted more of her.
I thought she was kind of interesting.
She was just all out "I'm just going to sleep my way to
comfort."
BONNIE BURTON: Yep.
FELICIA DAY: But she kind of was OK to
Cassandra at one point.
I was, like, oh, OK, that's kind of cool.
She had a couple of nuances toward the end that I thought
kind of interesting.
It was cool that she wasn't as maw-hahaha
as the other character.
BONNIE BURTON: I do find it interesting when romance books
put mean girls in there to be against the
heroine of the plot.
It's just interesting how that device is used.
Either they're used in a comical way where they're not
really realistic, they're just there to make you hate
someone, or they're there because eventually, somehow,
someway the heroine changes them or makes
them a better person.
So I just thought it was interesting use of that kind
of element, but yeah, it still didn't strike me as anybody
really interesting.
VERONICA BELMONT: Go ahead, Kiala.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I'm sorry.
I just say, I feel like they do that with men, too, though.
I've read a lot of romance novels where there's another
male love interest that's there to
just spur on the hero.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, like Peter in the, um--
Peter in the space clones ghost story.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Why did we not make that joke until now?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't know!
VERONICA BELMONT: Why did it take us like
three episodes later?
BONNIE BURTON: We got it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It's a call back.
VERONICA BELMONT: It was marinating.
It was just marinating for a really lone time.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, it's just full circle now.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It was worth it.
Anyway, sorry.
What were you--
VERONICA BELMONT: I was going to say, have you ever met
someone who's being nice to you because they have to be in
like a professional capacity, but you feel like deep down
they're probably a mean girl?
KIALA KAZEBEE: You mean like you guys?
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: You guys with me?
VERONICA BELMONT: I went to the doctor appoint this week
with the new doctor, and I was, like, I
think you're mean.
FELICIA DAY: What!
VERONICA BELMONT: I can't tell exactly why.
She was, like, looking at my moles and
stuff, and I'm was like--
BONNIE BURTON: Where are they?
VERONICA BELMONT: Everywhere.
And I was, like, I just get the sense that you
might be a mean girl.
By the way, you should all get your moles check every year.
It's very important for skin.
Look for the early signs of skin cancer.
I do not have it because I get mine check every year.
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, what are the early signs?
VERONICA BELMONT: Well if your moles look funny.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, don't let it grow.
VERONICA BELMONT: I've had six moles removed all over.
KIALA KAZEBEE: They change color.
I've had two removed.
BONNIE BURTON: What!
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
I have like a melon ball scooped out of my hip.
BONNIE BURTON: What do you mean they look funny?
They are shaped like clowns?
What do you mean?
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: They change shape.
FELICIA DAY: If they're erratic around the edges, and
if there's any discoloration, you should go look at them.
A fun fact, if you have a hair growing out of a mole, it is
not cancerous.
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh.
Huh.
VERONICA BELMONT: I like how we both went, really?
Huh!
KIALA KAZEBEE: OK, speaking of, so I had a dentist this
week who I talked to her.
And she was filling in for my dentist.
And I was talking about getting more ibuprofen, like
the big ones.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, the big ones, the good ones.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
And she was so ***.
She was really, really *** about it.
She's like, well, if it were me, if you were my patient, I
would give you a different antibiotic.
But [SIGH]
you're not.
So I'll just give you this, I guess.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow!
That's a hard sell.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It was, like, whoa!
VERONICA BELMONT: So I don't know if this doctor has just a
weird bedside manner or what.
But, like, you would say something to her, and she
would kind of look at you for a second.
I don't know if she was sizing me up or deciding what she was
going to say.
BONNIE BURTON: Careful with your fingers, there.
VERONICA BELMONT: What, going like this?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
You're-- well, what kind of doctor was it?
VERONICA BELMONT: Not that kind of doctor!
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god, guys!
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: It was not that--
I told you, it was this dermatologist!
It was for my moles.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, sorry.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It wasn't a lady doctor.
VERONICA BELMONT: No, it's not a lady doctor.
You better be sure you like your lady doctor.
BONNIE BURTON: My lady doctor, last time I went to go see
her, she's like, you don't want kids, right?
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I was like, what?
What do you mean?
VERONICA BELMONT: They give you the countdown.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, you don't want kids, right?
Because you're way past.
And I'm, like, wait, what?
FELICIA DAY: Guys, there's a study in "The Atlantic" this
month saying that all those studies that say after you're
35, your fertility goes down, all those studies are based on
statistics from like the 1900s.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
Because I'm pretty sure I could go on a first date and
get drunk and probably get pregnant.
Like, I'm pretty sure that could happen.
FELICIA DAY: You look very fertile.
VERONICA BELMONT: Especially if she was an elf.
BONNIE BURTON: I've got child-bearing hips.
VERONICA BELMONT: Bring it back around.
BONNIE BURTON: so I did have a questions about the book,
before we start talking about how fertile I am.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I just wanted to say one thing.
Why is it that your lady exams only have to be done every
three years now?
FELICIA DAY: Do they?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: No, it's not the lady exam.
It's the pap smear.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's what I mean.
That one.
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
VERONICA BELMONT: You have to get all of your other stuff
checked out, yes.
BONNIE BURTON: We're losing all of our male
viewers, by the way.
VERONICA BELMONT: This is "Vaginal Fantasy." I mean,
sometimes we have to talk about vaginal realities.
FELICIA DAY: Vaginal reality in fantasy.
BONNIE BURTON: Turn and cough, fellas.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'll tell you all about it later, Kiala.
KIALA KAZEBEE: OK, thanks.
VERONICA BELMONT: I got the talking to, it's good.
KIALA KAZEBEE: OK, I want to know.
FELICIA DAY: A couple people are saying we need
to freeze our eggs.
Thanks, guys.
VERONICA BELMONT: Thank a lot.
Thanks, guys.
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, like carbonite?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: I love you.
I know!
That was a "Star Wars" joke.
FELICIA DAY: Guys, OK, let's just digress.
Did anybody see "Superman?"
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, I heard it was boring.
VERONICA BELMONT: Let's digress?
Like we haven't?
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: OK, listen, I don't like
to criticize things.
But there's one thing in that movie that just drove me
frickin' bonkers!
And it's like an hour--
BONNIE BURTON: Wait let's just say spoiler alert for anyone
who hasn't seen it yet.
FELICIA DAY: OK, spoiler alert.
BONNIE BURTON: Mute, and then when we're done
talking about this--
KIALA KAZEBEE: We'll go like this.
BONNIE BURTON: We'll do jazz hands.
FELICIA DAY: It doesn't have anything really to do
with the plot, OK?
So I will go like this, and I'll lower my hands when the
spoiler's over, OK?
OK.
An hour and a half into the movie, as a young kid, people
are beating him up, right?
This is after we've known everything.
And he's holding a book, a Plato book, it was like a
generic serial Plato.
It was the biggest Plato I've ever seen art
directed onto a book.
It was not a real book!
KIALA KAZEBEE: What?
FELICIA DAY: It was large.
Did that not bug anybody else?
BONNIE BURTON: I just pretended there was a flask in
there, because that's where I would keep a flask, is a giant
Plato book.
VERONICA BELMONT: Maybe it was the collected works?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, maybe it was the comic.
FELICIA DAY: It was, like, hi, this character is reading
Plato for no apparent reason.
I don't know why it irritates me.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
Maybe he carried a really large book like a shield to
block the blows.
FELICIA DAY: Anyway, OK, it doesn't really
bother anybody else.
All right, forget it.
VERONICA BELMONT: I want to know what exactly, when he's
flying in space-- when Superman is flying in space--
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, spoiler!
VERONICA BELMONT: No!
You know Superman flies in space.
It's not a spoiler.
BONNIE BURTON: When you do that,
it's like you're trapped.
It feels like we're trapped in the webcam.
VERONICA BELMONT: What is he getting thrust against?
Like, what is he--
FELICIA DAY: No, there's no physics there.
KIALA KAZEBEE: What is he getting thrust against?
VERONICA BELMONT: That's the second time I've that sentence
incorrectly in my life, in the past two weeks.
That's not what I mean.
I mean, you have to get thrust to push off of.
BONNIE BURTON: Thrusting?
VERONICA BELMONT: I said the same thing!
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, thrusting?
Superman thrusting?
VERONICA BELMONT: A lot of thrusting.
A lot of Superman thrusting.
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, I know what you mean.
Remember, this is the thing I wrote my paper on in college,
about that it's like pulling yourself up by your own
bootstraps.
You can't just push yourself through space.
You've got to push.
You know, for every action, there's and equal and opposite
reaction, so he's got to push something that way for him to
go that way.
So is he just farting his way through space?
VERONICA BELMONT: He is farting his way through space.
He had a few chicken tikka masala burritos, and he is
farting his way through space.
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: Maybe it was Superman's own smugness that
keeps him flying, because I hate Superman.
I think he's a jerk, but that's just me.
FELICIA DAY: No, he's not my favorite.
But I could go on and on about that.
BONNIE BURTON: Honestly, I cannot wait for him and Wonder
Woman to break up in the comics, because I am team
Wonder Woman, and I will follow that lady anywhere, and
I can't wait till she kicks his ***.
Because I hate that they're dating.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, they both love America.
BONNIE BURTON: They're dating in the comics right now, and I
frickin' hate it.
FELICIA DAY: I haven't been reading it, but you don't like
him better--
BONNIE BURTON: I love Wonder Woman.
I love Wonder Woman.
She's awesome.
FELICIA DAY: Steve is like, mmm.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
I love Wonder Woman because in everything I've seen her in,
whether it's an animated movie, or a comic, and of
course Lynda Carter was like my role model forever, in the
'80s, '70s and '80s, so I love what she represents, and I
love her as a character and a hero.
I'm pissed off that there still isn't a Wonder Woman
movie, and I would have love Joss Whedon to write that like
he was supposed to.
FELICIA DAY: He already wrote it.
They didn't do it.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I bet they're kicking themselves
now, post-Avengers.
They should have let him do it, and it pisses me off
because she's an amazing character, and she's great,
and we're never going to see her on the big screen because
there's too many people running Hollywood that don't
think that anyone will want to watch a girl that's not
covered in latex.
FELICIA DAY: Yep.
Well, we can do on like that, but let's talk about elves.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, yeah.
So speaking of powers, though, what would be
your guys' elfin power?
Because that was a big thing in this book, that everyone
that had elf blood had some sort of elf power.
FELICIA DAY: I'd like to create icing at will.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: I'd like to be able to frost anything.
BONNIE BURTON: You want to be the frosting queen?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, just frosting.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
FELICIA DAY: It's like a minor-- so if you're half
human, half elf, you have a very--
so her slaves, basically, or her servants, one of them
could dress hair and like form--
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, my God.
FELICIA DAY: --spider webs into awesome, intricate stuff.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that was cool.
FELICIA DAY: You couldn't find anything.
BONNIE BURTON: That was cool.
That finding anything is great.
If you've ever lost your car keys,
finding anything's awesome.
FELICIA DAY: True.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's pretty cool, because one of the
things I would want is to never have to do my hair, and
just have it look amazing.
Like, be able to get out as the crystal--
VERONICA BELMONT: Are you fishing for compliments?
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, no.
No, I'm talking about, like, the effort that goes into it,
because I have really curly hair, and it's crazy, and so
there's a lot of stuff that has to be done to it for it to
look normalish.
And I would love to be able to just get out of, like, the
fairy pool and have my hair just look fantastic.
And also that I don't want to sweat.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: And I want to be able to eat everything and
be very slender.
BONNIE BURTON: Now you're just being greedy.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Mine are all very shallow.
But elves are beautiful.
And I think that's OK.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Well, aren't elves supposed to be pretty no matter what?
So you're already wasting a power on prettiness because I
think if you're an elf, you're already pretty, so you don't
have to worry about that, so I would go with the other two.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, OK.
Well, then I also just want to be able to talk to animals.
VERONICA BELMONT: That was mine!
That was going to be mine!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh god, I'm sorry!
See?
VERONICA BELMONT: You took all of the things.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I took all the powers.
VERONICA BELMONT: No powers left for any
of the other elves.
BONNIE BURTON: Are you sure you want to be
able to talk to animals?
Because I feel like animals, a lot of them are probably
really whiny and talkative, so you're going to have like a
lot of chipmunks and squirrels.
FELICIA DAY: I don't think the animals are going to have that
much good to say.
I just want to be honest with you.
It'll be like talking to somebody you really don't want
to talk to, and you're at lunch.
And you're like, I can't get out of here.
You really wanted to catch it.
VERONICA BELMONT: Hi.
Hi, mom.
Hi.
Hey, ball.
Ball.
Got a ball?
Got a ball?
Gonna feed me?
Eat?
Food?
Food?
Walk?
Walk?
Can we walk now?
Can we go for a walk?
Oh, is that a bear?
Is that a deer?
Is that a deer?
Is that a squirrel?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that's exactly--
VERONICA BELMONT: I said bear!
Like my dog would ever see a bear in San Francisco.
Well, they might.
My dog sees lots of bears in San Francisco.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Is that a paper?
Can I lay on it?
Can I lay on it?
Can I lay on this?
Can I fit in this?
BONNIE BURTON: I feel like if I could understand why my dog
was saying to me, or not even saying, just thinking.
There are times when I look at my dog, and she's looking at
me, I know she's calling me a dumb ***.
I know she is.
It's just in her eyes.
And dogs love you no matter what, and so do most cats.
Not all cats.
I feel like most are going to be like mean girls and just
make fun of your outfit and your hair and everything, and
they'll be like the mom that wants you to hook up with
someone, and you're not hooked up, so they constantly remind
you that you're single and a failure.
That's what I feel like cats would do.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh!
BONNIE BURTON: But dogs, I feel like dogs are more
accepting, but I feel like dogs would constantly talk to
you about food.
It would be like that friend who can't stop
talking about food.
FELICIA DAY: Anyway, OK.
What do we do now?
Oh, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: So, wait.
What's your elfin power, Felicia?
FELICIA DAY: Oh, Veronica, come on!
VERONICA BELMONT: It was talk to animals, and
then Kiala took it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Sorry.
BONNIE BURTON: I thought you didn't
want to talk to animals!
FELICIA DAY: You said that it would be boring.
Your dog would be boring.
VERONICA BELMONT: No, I didn't say that.
FELICIA DAY: Your dog would be boring.
Any dog would be boring.
They just want to eat, they want to sleep.
VERONICA BELMONT: I still want to talk to them, though.
I still want to know.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
I want to know what they think of me.
VERONICA BELMONT: I want them to know what I'm saying to
them perfectly, also.
FELICIA DAY: So basically you want your dog to understand
and speak English.
VERONICA BELMONT: Basically.
FELICIA DAY: That would be better, right?
VERONICA BELMONT: I guess that would be better.
Would that be better?
I don't know if I want other people to know what the dog is
saying to me.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
VERONICA BELMONT: I think I want to just be able to
telepathically communicate with my animals.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
Instead of that, I would want all animals to treat me as an
alpha animal, and they would like as soon as I walk into a
room, they sit and behave.
That's what I want.
I want dogs to follow me around like I'm their queen.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I want people to do that.
BONNIE BURTON: A tall piece of bacon that they love.
VERONICA BELMONT: OK, so Emilise on Twitter sent me
this old Far Side comic.
It's "Donning his new canine decoder, Professor Schwarzman
becomes the first human being on Earth to hear what barking
dogs are actually saying," and it's a picture of all the
dogs, and they're going, "Hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey!
Heeeeyyy!"
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, my God, that's true.
And I have to admit, I couldn't to that anyway
because my dogs will sleep half the time.
Look at her, she's snoring.
She sleeps.
VERONICA BELMONT: My dog is also sleeping.
FELICIA DAY: Cubby is a really good sleeper, too.
It's really sad because I took him to the vet, to the wash,
and I got his leash back, and they put the dog's name on the
leash to track who's leash it is.
And on his leash, they put Tubby instead of Cubby.
BONNIE BURTON: Ohhh!
FELICIA DAY: Maybe a little wide of the beam, Cubby.
And I was very upset for him.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's mean.
BONNIE BURTON: So wait.
So what are some other elfin powers?
Because you can't have anything that's too extreme
because it's not like the Avengers.
It's not like you can, you know, control the weather.
FELICIA DAY: Because basically any kids, any half-human kids
who had too much power that could rival him or the other
elfin lords, they pretended to take that to the "fairylands."
BONNIE BURTON: The farm.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
In the book, they reveal that they just kind of bake
'em and kill 'em.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that's so funny.
Every time they say fairyland, I'm like is that where all the
dead pets go to?
FELICIA DAY: Rainbow's end?
Rainbow bridge?
BONNIE BURTON: It's like, oh yeah, we took your pet boa
constrictor to "fairyland."
FELICIA DAY: To the farm.
BONNIE BURTON: To the farm.
I don't know, I feel like it's awesome that if you have elfin
blood, you're already hot so you don't have to worry about
that, low self-esteem issues.
But I feel like--
I don't know what.
I think cooking stuff, like the frosting things are good.
That would be a good one.
FELICIA DAY: It's not really that good, guys.
If you could really have a power, I think eavesdropping
or being able to control an animal.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's what I said.
I said have them do my bidding.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, that might be good.
VERONICA BELMONT: Control an animal?
FELICIA DAY: No, that's rude.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Ask them to do stuff, and then they do it.
BONNIE BURTON: They have them do your bidding.
Like it'd be cool if you were in charge of
all ravens or something.
VERONICA BELMONT: I would ask them to do things nicely, and
maybe if they were into it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I think that's what I mean.
Like, please help me, I need your help, please, animals.
VERONICA BELMONT: Animal friends, come to my aid!
And they'd be, like, yes.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm picturing Veronica having her dog make
all the beds.
VERONICA BELMONT: He just wants to jump on all the bed.
FELICIA DAY: With their paws.
What about changing people's hair color with a touch?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Ooo!
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, so good.
That would be good.
VERONICA BELMONT: Why would you want to do this?
Would you just go around touching people's heads.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You have a trade, maybe a skill.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I think it would be an awesome trade.
I'll be your first customer.
I think that's awesome.
Do you know how hard it is?
It's so hard to go from black to brunette.
VERONICA BELMONT: Would you cover all my grays?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: Can you just do touchups?
BONNIE BURTON: Or black to blondes.
Platinum blonde me, Felicia.
FELICIA DAY: I could totally platinum blonde you, and then
be, like, oh, I don't want that tomorrow, boom.
BONNIE BURTON: I want blue, or pink.
KIALA KAZEBEE: And your hair's not damaged.
FELICIA DAY: I really want to shave my head on the side and
have that sort of faux hawk.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, that would be so cool.
You should do that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, that Skrillex?
BONNIE BURTON: Do it!
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, do the Skrillex.
FELICIA DAY: Shave here, and then the long thing.
I want that so bad.
VERONICA BELMONT: I've had that.
I got that haircut out of Vidal Sassoon in 2002.
FELICIA DAY: Did it look cute, or did you regret it?
VERONICA BELMONT: My friends--
I don't even want to say what my friends called me.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Whoa!
BONNIE BURTON: Wow!
VERONICA BELMONT: They said I looked like a
Nazi youth or something.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: I was, like, guys, I look cool!
FELICIA DAY: That's because of your white power tattoos.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's because of the swastikas all
over my skull that were revealed by that haircut.
No.
BONNIE BURTON: Do you guys remember when Cyndi Lauper a
la "Time After Time" video where she had her shaved on
this side with the hashtag mark or whatever?
The hashamark?
And then it was all cool on this side?
I did that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You did?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I did that, and very poorly, in high school, so my dad
called me "cat fight" for a month because it looked like
I'd gotten in a cat fight.
FELICIA DAY: Awww!
BONNIE BURTON: He called me Cat Woman because he's, like,
yeah, cat fight.
I'm, like, thanks, dad.
But yeah, that's the thing.
When you try to do hair styles like that, you kind of need
professional tutelage.
FELICIA DAY: You definitely want a professional, and
especially if your coloring your hair in bright colors,
which I love as well, but you got to have somebody
professional do it.
You know what I did, thought?
For Comic-Con, I bought pieces of clip-in hair.
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
BONNIE BURTON: Are you going to do hair extensions?
FELICIA DAY: You want to see?
BONNIE BURTON: Yes.
FELICIA DAY: I'll show you what colors I got.
VERONICA BELMONT: I swear to God, this is a
book club, you guys.
FELICIA DAY: I got this color, which is a teal.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, the colored ones.
FELICIA DAY: This, which is more of a turquoise.
And then I got plum.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Ooo!
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, plum's good.
KIALA KAZEBEE: On Melissa Elfman it looks look amazing.
FELICIA DAY: So it's like a dark blue, a dark
green, and a plum.
You just put one in your hair, and it makes you look like
you're-- you know.
BONNIE BURTON: How long is your hair now, Felicia?
FELICIA DAY: It's sort of about here.
I want it to be longer, but I went in, and she
cut too much off.
But it's long enough.
BONNIE BURTON: There's a trick with those, because I used to
wear those a lot.
The trick with that is that you want it underneath your
hair a little bit, and trim it so it's exactly the same
length as your hair.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
I don't want it like a straggler.
That would be really creepy.
BONNIE BURTON: I don't know.
You could braid it, and then you'd have an elfin war braid.
FELICIA DAY: That's true, I could do that, too.
BONNIE BURTON: It's like Dominic in her book.
See?
Full circle.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, full circle.
KIALA KAZEBEE: There was a book?
FELICIA DAY: Let's do casting.
Let's do casting.
We had a lot of suggestions in the forum.
Also, Simona--
oh, we forgot to talk about the ending in this book, which
is my biggest problem with this book in that--
basically, to spoil it--
if you don't want to be spoiled--
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, which book?
FELICIA DAY: This is a book club, so basically.
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, what are you talking about now?
VERONICA BELMONT: The ending of the book.
FELICIA DAY: So basically, he kills his father because he
comes into his own, and gets the black magic, and picks up
the scepter, and basically kills his dad
with the help of Cassandra.
But he looks so much like his dad that their solution to not
*** off the other elfin lords who live in England is
to basically pose as his dad.
VERONICA BELMONT: Forever.
FELICIA DAY: Forever.
Which is not a good plan, right?
VERONICA BELMONT: It's a terrible plan.
I totally agree with you.
BONNIE BURTON: It's a bad plan.
VERONICA BELMONT: I actually thought while I was reading
the book, I was like, that it's going to be so annoying
for the rest of their lives.
They have to lie for the rest of their lives.
BONNIE BURTON: They won't.
VERONICA BELMONT: It's like if you've even hidden something
from someone or had a secret, and it just sits on the top of
your brain, like, every waking moment until it comes out or
something like that.
I would just feel like that's how it would be all the time.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, like I would get
drunk and tell somebody.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You know, he's not the king.
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, the slave girls already know, so
that's already two.
FELICIA DAY: The slave girls already know, and then the
rebels already know.
They're all, like, winky-winky.
How is it not going to get out tomorrow?
VERONICA BELMONT: They're screwed.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
Isn't that sort of, not an inside joke, but a reference
to royalty, that royalty holds so many secrets, and there are
so many chances of people having to have impostors.
Because kings or princes would die unexpectedly, and they
didn't want to lose their realm, so they had to sneak in
an imposter.
I mean, that's kind of like a regular thing in royalty
fiction, where they always have to have either someone
impostering the other one so they could keep their realm.
I don't know.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Why is Veronica dancing?
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't know, it just looks fun.
BONNIE BURTON: Are you doing an elfin dance
so I'll shut up?
VERONICA BELMONT: Maybe.
I was thinking, there was an article about-- it wasn't
Queen Victoria, or it was like, Victoria--
one of the English queens, queens of England.
They actually think it was her.
There was like a boy from the town that she was staying at
when she was a girl, and she got like the consumption and
died, or the plague.
FELICIA DAY: What!
VERONICA BELMONT: And then they replaced her with a boy,
and she was actually a man for a whole reign, and that's why
she never married.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh!
Who's that?
KIALA KAZEBEE: That was Queen Elizabeth.
VERONICA BELMONT: Was it Queen Elizabeth?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: No!
KIALA KAZEBEE: I read that whole thing.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, it was very recent, and so they want
to exhume her remains.
BONNIE BURTON: What!
FELICIA DAY: That's
BONNIE BURTON: Ridiculous!
VERONICA BELMONT: And do DNA tests on them to prove it.
BONNIE BURTON: Also didn't they have a female pope?
Wasn't there a pope that was female?
FELICIA DAY: There secretly was a female pope.
VERONICA BELMONT: Was there secretly a female pope?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
She was a female, but she posed as a male,
and she was a pope.
VERONICA BELMONT: Badass.
BONNIE BURTON: But you know what?
That exhuming thing, I feel like this is the Paul
McCartney thing all over again, isn't it?
VERONICA BELMONT: We exhumed Paul McCartney?
FELICIA DAY: We all know he's dead, right?
BONNIE BURTON: That Paul McCartney was replaced with a
Paul McCartney look alike halfway through
the Beatles' reign?
VERONICA BELMONT: Really?
I never heard that either.
BONNIE BURTON: Are you serious?
That's like a big conspiracy theory.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That Paul is dead, and you play the record
backwards, and "Abbey Road," there's like something weird
about him crossing the street.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, you probably had a
life in high school.
The rest of us--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, the rest of us just studied.
You know, I used to study the back of the Duran Duran, the
one with Union Of The Snake on it.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh my god, me too!
KIALA KAZEBEE: You did?
I was, like, oh, this has to mean something.
It's a map.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, totally.
I was, like, come on, that cover song,
that's got to mean something.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, totally.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, I love you, Kiala.
FELICIA DAY: So what about casting, guys?
We had a lot of suggestions.
Katie for giggles suggests, "I'd like to see Will Wheaton
as
Dominic." [LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: What!
FELICIA DAY: Veronica as Cass.
Felicia as the mistress!
What!
Bonnie as the female elfin lord, and
Kiala as Lady Varney.
VERONICA BELMONT: See, I told you.
I was doing my elvish death dance.
BONNIE BURTON: What am I?
I'm an evil what?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Lady Varney?
FELICIA DAY: I don't know about that.
BONNIE BURTON: Will Wheaton?
Will's too much like a brother to all of us.
VERONICA BELMONT: Orlando Bloom.
Orlando Bloom as Dominic.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, that's all I could picture.
VERONICA BELMONT: As Legolas, taking
the Hobbits to Isengard.
FELICIA DAY: What about Lee Pace?
Because he's got the same elf thing going on.
A lot of people said Chris Helmsworth, which
I was, like, no.
BONNIE BURTON: No, he's too buff.
FELICIA DAY: Too buff.
BONNIE BURTON: You know, the thing with elves is aren't
they supposed to be skinny and aquiline?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: And scrawny and female, almost androgyny.
You want androgyny, of course, because
they have to be pretty.
So you have to have an androgynous,
skinny, blonde dude.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: I mean, I would say James Marsters at the
beginning of his reign as Spike, but
even he's too masculine.
I can't even think of anyone that's blondes that's--
you know, everyone always thinks I'm going to say
Benedict Cumberbatch, and I saw a picture of him Assage--
Assage!
Massage.
VERONICA BELMONT: Julian.
Julian Assange?
BONNIE BURTON: Julian Assange.
And it looked awkward.
Seeing him blonde always looks awkward to me.
VERONICA BELMONT: What about Orlando Bloom?
No one's with me on that one?
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's who I pictured, Orlando Bloom the
whole time.
FELICIA DAY: I thought Cassandra would be Maggie
Gyllenhaal.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, that's a good one!
BONNIE BURTON: Well, yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: She's too old.
FELICIA DAY: Well, young Maggie.
Like Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Secretary." Because
Cassandra, she was a ***.
But once she got her bottoms off, she was into it like
nobody's business.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Wow!
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: She was, like, ready to toss those hoops up
at any point.
BONNIE BURTON: Toss the hoops up!
Could we start using that as slang?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Toss your hoops up.
BONNIE BURTON: I just recently rewatched "Thor" because it's
back on Netflix streaming, so I was going to say Jamie
Alexander for Cassandra, but Jamie's so badass, maybe she
should be the mistress instead, because she has like
a harsher--
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: She has a much more serious-looking face than
a softer face.
I don't know who could play--
maybe the lead, maybe Nina Dobrev from "Vampire Diaries?"
She could play Cass?
FELICIA DAY: She's kind of like the go-to
brunette, isn't she?
A lot of people in the forum--
BONNIE BURTON: No, my go-to brunette is Eva Green, but Eva
Green's too old.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I've been watching "Orphan Black."
FELICIA DAY: I love that!
BONNIE BURTON: That girl.
FELICIA DAY: Love that!
She's kind of strong, though.
Like, she's a strong personality.
Cassandra's more like a little--
BONNIE BURTON: Well, you've got Kenzi.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Should could act it.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, no, she definitely could.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Her personality,
she could do that.
BONNIE BURTON: Kenzi from "Lost Girl." She could play--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, yeah.
A lot of people say Emilia Clarke, because she is a
natural brunette.
I actually would buy that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, really?
Wow.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Daenerys.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
Is anyone else saying anything for Domininc?
Because I posed that as a question on Twitter, if they
had any Dominic suggestions.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I kind of thought of Matthew Goode in
"The Watchmen" when they dyed his hair blonde.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Like what's his face, the bad dude.
But that's it.
That's all I can think of.
Otherwise I just thought of Legoland.
BONNIE BURTON: What else did Goodreads say?
There weren't any queries?
FELICIA DAY: Amelia Clarke.
Shailene Woodley.
She was in that-- what was she in?
She was in that UFO teen thing, "Roswell." Nina Dobrev.
Emma Watson I also thought, and that was
another popular one.
Amy Acker, and Tatiana Mainsley, or Maslany.
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't know anybody's names.
FELICIA DAY: Emma Watson, Hermione.
I actually buy that one a lot, although I don't want to think
about her having--
BONNIE BURTON: Emma said Harry Lloyd.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, isn't Tatiana the
"Orphan Black" lady?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, Tatiana.
All right.
No, Veronica never is into casting.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I know.
BONNIE BURTON: Well, you did the best one.
You know what?
Orlando Bloom works.
I mean, that's the thing. "Lord of the Rings" was kind
of, like, made us always think of elves in a certain way now.
VERONICA BELMONT: I don't have an imagination.
FELICIA DAY: Yes, you do!
BONNIE BURTON: Shut up!
Are you trying to tell us that you're
more fact than fictional?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, nice!
VERONICA BELMONT: I see what you did there.
FELICIA DAY: Has anyone seen pictures of Kate of the girl
from "Lost" with her wig on?
I'm very not happy with her as a redhead.
VERONICA BELMONT: What girl?
BONNIE BURTON: What?
Who?
FELICIA DAY: The girl from "Lost" in "The Hobbit."
BONNIE BURTON: Oh!
The one that married--
damn it.
FELICIA DAY: What's her name?
I have these of her from "The Hobbit," and she has a red wig
on, and it doesn't really--
BONNIE BURTON: It's the girl that was with Sawyer in
"Lost," yeah?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Kate.
FELICIA DAY: Kate.
VERONICA BELMONT: Evangeline Lilly?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I hate her.
FELICIA DAY: What!
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm sure she's a very nice person.
I'm sure she's a lovely lady.
BONNIE BURTON: Didn't she marry someone?
I thought she married someone from "Lord of the Rings."
Didn't she marry Dominic Swain?
Or not Dominic Swain.
Hah!
VERONICA BELMONT: I think she looks pretty.
You don't think she looks pretty?
FELICIA DAY: I don't like her with that wig.
She's so much prettier than with that color hair.
VERONICA BELMONT: I kind of like it.
FELICIA DAY: Really?
OK.
Well, that's just me, then.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's OK.
We can have differing opinions.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'll have to see a picture of her now.
BONNIE BURTON: Maybe you're a gingerist.
FELICIA DAY: Well, I saw her in person once, and I thought
she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my
life besides Olivia Wilde.
But I just feel like the red hair doesn't do her justice.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, Olivie Wilde!
VERONICA BELMONT: You know who I think is the prettiest
person I ever saw in real life, who I was
just floored by?
The girl who plays Maggie on "The Walking Dead."
FELICIA DAY: Oh!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, yeah.
She is--
VERONICA BELMONT: I interviewed
her, and oh my god!
I was just, like, I am staring at you now.
Like, it was really creepy.
You know how I get when I get creepy.
It was, like, turn on Veronica creepy mode.
BONNIE BURTON: Creepy Veronica is awesome Veronica.
VERONICA BELMONT: You're pretty!
FELICIA DAY: OK, let's quickly go over the alt picks.
The book was called "Lord of the Fading Lands," and it's
the number one in a five-issue,
five-book epic series.
And if you like romance, this is a bit commitment,
but it's very good.
VERONICA BELMONT: Talk about cliff hangar.
FELICIA DAY: It's "a fantasy-romance that features
fairy king Rain Tairen Soul, a man
tormented by age-old grief.
A thousand years ago, the woman he loved was slain in
battle." Oh, let me click on that.
OK.
"The woman he loved was slain in battle.
In his rage, he laid waste to half the world.
Now his people are dying out, and the evil mages of Eld are
rising again.
When Rain hears the call of his lost soul mate, Ellysetta,
he journeys to the neighboring kingdom to fine her, where he
claims a woodcarver's daughter as his mate.
He scandalizes the nobility of her country and rouses the
interests of the wicked wizard of Eld who come seeking her in
order to get
at Rain." All right.
Anyway, that's the book.
It's very--
VERONICA BELMONT: Look at him.
BONNIE BURTON: There he is.
FELICIA DAY: It's very Kevin Sorbo-ee.
BONNIE BURTON: He is.
That's the thing with covers.
Covers are either great--
VERONICA BELMONT: I love Kevin Sorbo.
BONNIE BURTON: He looks like Kevin Sorbo.
FELICIA DAY: He's amazing, though, and one of the nicest
guys I've ever met.
BONNIE BURTON: He is, he is.
And I have to say, Kevin Sorbo, especially when he was
in "The Middleman," I love him in that playing like a--
FELICIA DAY: That was a great show.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, because he played like a James
Bond-type agent, so he was kind of hot in it.
But he still has the same hair.
He still has that feathered hair thing going on.
FELICIA DAY: He's got good hair.
Yeah, I just saw him two weeks ago in Ottawa,
or three weeks ago.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Really?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
VERONICA BELMONT: I didn't picture him
that way on the cover.
Like, the way he looks on the cover, I did not picture him
in my brain.
BONNIE BURTON: I didn't, either.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, I don't like him in a t-shirt, either.
I mean, we're in like a fantasy land.
BONNIE BURTON: Muscle shirt.
VERONICA BELMONT: He's got like my shirt on, basically.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what he looks like?
He looks like a really heavy duty Journey fan.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: Who is it?
VERONICA BELMONT: He's going to like Metalfest.
BONNIE BURTON: Metalfest!
FELICIA DAY: Who read this book?
Did everybody read it, or did nobody read it?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, I read it.
FELICIA DAY: What did you guys think of it?
Bonnie, you go first.
BONNIE BURTON: I thought it was all right.
I mean, I didn't hate it, let me put it that way.
I did not hate this book.
But you're right, it is kind of a commitment.
I found myself, my mind was wandering a lot when I was
reading the book and also you're right, I just didn't
picture him as he is on the cover.
And I know I should be much more adult about this and not
care so much about cover art, but it really bugs me because
sometimes when I'm reading a book, and I'm trying to figure
out who's who, especially if there's a lot of characters,
I'll look at the cover of a book again to try to get a
feel for it again, and it kept throwing me off.
But I don't know.
I mean, it was a good story.
It was OK.
I don't regret reading it.
Let's put it that way.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's a good indicator.
BONNIE BURTON: I don't know if I would continue to read books
in this storyline, but I thought it was fine.
I know know, am I being horrible?
FELICIA DAY: No, no.
I agree with you.
I think it's very interesting in that it's an epic fantasy
that is just basically around a romance, versus like
"Kushiel's Dart," which was all about the adventure, and
the romance is integrated into it.
But it's not like the main focus.
The main focus of this is the romance, but it's a very rich,
epic world.
I think the world building was much stronger
than in the main pick.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: But I agree with you.
I think I read up to book three, and then I was just,
like, it's too--
first of all, I think the first two books
need to be one book.
It should have been edited down because it ends very
abruptly, and people in the forms were, like,
what's going on?
Why did this end?
The lead character is very innocent, almost irritatingly
so, but she gets better the more she learns.
But in the first book especially, she's dating this
1,000-year-old guy who killed half the Earth, and she's,
like, "You're got to go through the front door because
that's just rude to go through the balcony."
BONNIE BURTON: I know, right?
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: You killed millions of people, but get
your manners and wipe your feet, sir.
BONNIE BURTON: It's so, like, you don't tell a god to put
down the toilet seat.
You just don't.
FELICIA DAY: Yes, exactly!
BONNIE BURTON: You know, you got to realize at some point
that the relationship is not equals.
That's the thing that bugs me about this, too.
To me, I really love romances where you can tell the two
characters, at some point in the relationship, consider
themselves equal to each other, and that it's a
partnership.
And it's not like I dominate over you, or I
trick you into something.
And this one, I was just, like, ehhh!
It just felt awkward.
FELICIA DAY: But the whole arc of the five books, which is
like thousands of pages, is them becoming equal.
BONNIE BURTON: OK.
Eventually.
FELICIA DAY: Eventually.
BONNIE BURTON: But not in this book.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
But this book especially, it's a very uneven power structure.
You're totally right.
What did you think, Kiala?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I, uh-- what?
I--
it's like really interesting, really good-- it was an
awesome book.
BONNIE BURTON: Did you read the book?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I did not read the book.
FELICIA DAY: Ohhhh!
BONNIE BURTON: Fake it.
Fake it.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You know what?
You know what's funny?
When you talk about that, with the god and the thing to be
unequal, there are these books by Anne Bishop, the "Pillars
of the World" books.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, we did that last--
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
We didn't read those.
But those has to do with the fae.
And one of them comes across--
I'm not going to spoil anything in case we do read
them-- but he comes across, and he has a
romance with a lady.
And it is about her learning that that's not what she
wants, because she wants to be his equal.
He doesn't treat her like a person.
Anyways, I didn't read the book.
BONNIE BURTON: I feel like that just goes with dating an
immortal, doesn't it?
Like, if you're human--
or even if you're not a human, but you're like a normal age,
let's put it that way--
and you end up hooking up with an immortal, it's like dating
a grandpa, or a great grandpa, or a
great great great grandpa.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Well, yeah, but if we're going to read a book
about it, you want it to be, like, if it's going to be the
central romance, you want the immortal to find something
awesome about them.
Like in "Thor" with Natalie Portman.
I mean, they don't really get into why they love her, other
than she's like a scientist.
FELICIA DAY: That was not a strong relationship.
BONNIE BURTON: That wasn't a good, strong--
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, Felicia, you've got a lock on Bonnie's
frame, apparently.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, OK.
Sorry.
Thank you.
BONNIE BURTON: I am pretty fun to watch.
VERONICA BELMONT: Thank you, Athelon in the chat room.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, is someone sick of watching me?
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: No, I agree with you.
But the thing about a lot of the forum members said they
love this book more than the main one because I think it
has a deeper lore and storytelling.
It was trying to do something a little bit longer
lasting that way.
But a lot of people said I love this book despite not
wanting to like it.
They had that sort of thing, like, why am I liking this?
Why am I really liking it?
I know I shouldn't like it.
VERONICA BELMONT: That's how it was for me.
FELICIA DAY: What did you think?
VERONICA BELMONT: I started off the book, and I got into
the first two chapters, and I was, like, uhhhh!
I was doing the thing where I'm kind of skimming the
paragraphs, and I was, like, I don't like this.
This is not sinking in with me right now.
And then I started reading more, and I actually really
enjoyed it.
And I think it was for that reason that you said, that the
world building felt a lot deeper.
I actually liked that she kind of brought
him down to her level.
Because at first, he was so over the top, so alpha male,
so "I'm Rain Tairen Soul!
Blahh!" And it was, like, OK, give it a rest, guy.
We all know you're a big deal.
Whatever.
FELICIA DAY: You killed half the world.
OK, got it.
VERONICA BELMONT: You're the man who scorched the Earth,
blah blah blah blah blah.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: So she kind of brought him down a few
notches, and I thought it was actually very sweet the way he
tried to do things by the book and follow the traditional
courting rules that her parents kind of set out, and
he tried to put everyone at ease.
I know that might not be exactly how it would have
worked out were this to be a real scenario, but I thought
it was kind of sweet and cute, and I thought their romance
was very tender.
I thought his weird, freaky brain sex was kind of weird.
You can just have weird, freaky brain sex all the time.
Like, wouldn't you just do that all the time and never
worry about anything?
FELICIA DAY: The last book, he was, like, dancing fire into
her *** and stuff.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes!
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: Like, all these things!
Like, you just do that all the time.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow.
VERONICA BELMONT: Once you have that, I mean, it's hard
to go back.
FELICIA DAY: It's hard to go back.
BONNIE BURTON: I feel like that it's, you
know, that's a--
VERONICA BELMONT: You don't go back to missionary after you
get the fire crotch situation.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, fire crotch--
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't know if I want that.
BONNIE BURTON: They don't want that.
That does not sound good.
That sounds like something that needs an ointment.
I don't want that.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's what that guy called
Lindsay Lohan that time.
And it was all sad and upsetting.
FELICIA DAY: I know, it was really rude.
What a ***.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah.
The guy was a jerk.
VERONICA BELMONT: But I'm talking about actual fire in
your crotch.
FELICIA DAY: It still sounds painful.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I still don't want it.
VERONICA BELMONT: This is a different thing.
BONNIE BURTON: That sounds painful, Veronica.
That does not sound sexy.
Even glitter down there is not good.
You shouldn't even think fire is a good metaphor.
Like, burning love is one thing.
But fire in the crotch is not good.
That's like sledgehammer to the groin.
I feel like that wouldn't be sexy either.
VERONICA BELMONT: No, that would not be sexy.
But anyway, it was a hell of a cliff hangar.
I mean, that was some bull crap right there.
FELICIA DAY: The first two books should have been one
book, and it should have been edited down, I think, and a
lot of people also said that.
I also think that the bad guys are so bad,
and they get worse.
I mean, if read forward, and a lot of people on our forums
did too, if even gets more-- you kind of keep reading even
though you're, like, why am I addicted to this?
It's just almost like I got to see it.
And the bad guys just get so bad, and they're so mean and
so awful, and you're just, like, God, this is such a
caricature, I can't stop reading how
awful these guys are.
Kind of hilarious and addictive.
BONNIE BURTON: It's almost like a soap opera, right?
FELICIA DAY: It is!
BONNIE BURTON: That's how soap operas are.
Soap operas are not necessarily on point with
reality, and so bad guys are extremely bad, innocent people
are extremely innocent and naive, and
victims become more victims.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, this is a soap opera equivalent of "Game
of Thrones."
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, yeah, basically.
FELICIA DAY: Like, it's Sansa.
And she's Sansa in the beginning, but she gets better
toward the end.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
You know what's so funny, because I'm such a huge "Game
of Thrones" fan, it's hard for me to not have "Game of
Thrones" sneak in to books like this that I read and
compare it.
And it's horrible.
I know I shouldn't do that.
It's not fair to any author to compare it to other books,
because that's not cool.
FELICIA DAY: Well, yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: But it happens.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Did you have any casting?
Anybody have any casting suggestions for this book?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I did!
No, I'm kidding.
That's a joke, because I didn't read it.
BONNIE BURTON: Kaila just picked on the book cover.
Who would you cast?
KIALA KAZEBEE: James McAvoy.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
And?
Michael Fassbender?
KIALA KAZEBEE: And Jennifer Lawrence.
FELICIA DAY: Always Fassbender, or Cumberbatch.
BONNIE BURTON: Always Fassbender
KIALA KAZEBEE: Fassbender
BONNIE BURTON: I'm moving away from always choosing
Cumberbatch because I'm worried that I'm going to get
a restraining order.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, my god!
Do you know how long I had to scroll through Pinterest the
other day to get past your Cumberbatch?
BONNIE BURTON: I'm sorry.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Your Cumberbatch pins, your
Cumberpins?
BONNIE BURTON: You know, we all have our ways of coping
with anxiety and depression--
KIALA KAZEBEE: And Pinterest is very soothing.
BONNIE BURTON: And for me, Pinterest is my warm blanket.
It's my safety zone.
And when I can't sleep, and I hate myself, and I hate my
life, at 3 AM I do nothing but pin pictures of cute guys.
I would say 90% of them are Cumberbatch, but I put some
Ewan McGregor in there, too.
KIALA KAZEBEE: And I love you for that,
because I love Ewan McGregor.
BONNIE BURTON: But yeah, I feel like I'm being an idiot
with my Cumberbatches and oats, so I'm
trying very hard to--
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, Bonnie, you pin as many
Cumberbatches as you want.
I'm just giving you a hard time.
BONNIE BURTON: In general.
I mean, on Twitter too, I'm trying very hard to scale back
my unhealthy obsession slash idiotic teeny bopper.
KIALA KAZEBEE: There's girls that I follow on Tumblr who
are as obsessed with Cillian Murphy right
now, and I love him.
But every single, like, so many Cillian Murphy pictures.
BONNIE BURTON: Really?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm just, like, uhhh!
Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: I don't get that one.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You don't like him?
BONNIE BURTON: Cillian Murphy kind of creeps me out because
of his eyes.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, he kind of creeps me out.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I just think he's beautiful.
FELICIA DAY: He's pretty, but I think he just
looks like a magician.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, he does, he does.
We had this discussion before about him, that he's so unique
looking that he's almost too pretty.
It's almost like when your eyes--
KIALA KAZEBEE: He would be a good Dominic.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, he might, actually.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, he would be a good
Dominic, with blonde hair.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Because he's pretty.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, he would.
FELICIA DAY: I thought Jason Isaacs would be a perfect
Rain, and I actually just saw a couple people on Twitter say
that, which I did at first.
I had it written down.
But yeah, I thought Jason Isaacs, and then the red
headed chick from "Game of Thrones."
KIALA KAZEBEE: Which one?
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, which one?
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh, OK.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Which red headed chick?
FELICIA DAY: Well, the warrior, the one in the north.
VERONICA BELMONT: Isn't he kind of old?
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I hate her.
VERONICA BELMONT: Jason Isaacs is kind of old.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You know nothing.
Whatever. she doesn't know nothing.
FELICIA DAY: Kiala, what!
KIALA KAZEBEE: She drives me insane.
I loved her on "Downtown Abbey." I did.
VERONICA BELMONT: You do not hate her.
No, you don't.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I do.
VERONICA BELMONT: Nope.
Noooo.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
VERONICA BELMONT: Noooo.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, fight!
KIALA KAZEBEE: She drives me crazy.
VERONICA BELMONT: She's adorable!
KIALA KAZEBEE: No, she's not.
She's really pushy and needy and--
VERONICA BELMONT: It's a character!
FELICIA DAY: It's a character.
I mean, if you read in the book.
KIALA KAZEBEE: She shot him because he went away.
VERONICA BELMONT: She loved him.
KIALA KAZEBEE: He's a ***, but--
VERONICA BELMONT: He betrayed her.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I know, but you don't have to shoot him!
VERONICA BELMONT: I'd shoot him.
With his mouth hanging open all the time like that, like
he's catching flies in there.
Big wuss.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't like either of them.
I like her as an actress.
I just don't like that character.
I know.
I don't like any of the dudes on that show.
They're all very weak.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, Veronica, I love it when you
do things like that.
Veronica, I want to this Veronica tirade.
We don't get enough Veronica tirades.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh, I'm sorry.
FELICIA DAY: Veronica, go.
Go, tirade.
VERONICA BELMONT: What am I tirading about?
KIALA KAZEBEE: I don't know.
What?
I interrupted it.
VERONICA BELMONT: I'm just like, I'm John Snow.
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: That's all I was doing.
KIALA KAZEBEE: John Snow, you know nothing, OK?
VERONICA BELMONT: OK, wait.
What is this sorcery?
[LAUGHTER]
VERONICA BELMONT: That was an image macro joke.
BONNIE BURTON: Someone please make an animated GIF of that.
VERONICA BELMONT: That already exists.
Well, not of me, but that is an animated GIF
that already exists.
BONNIE BURTON: Now it does.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I have like no light here.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, you know, I failed to mention
this in the last book.
VERONICA BELMONT: Turn to the light, Kiala.
Turn to the light.
BONNIE BURTON: Can I bring something up that I forgot to
mention in the last book?
And I wanted to ask you guys about it, because I think you
collectively have all read enough books where there's
elves in it, and I haven't, so I have this question.
Are elves supposed to be Vulcan-like, where they don't
have human feelings?
Because I thought in the book that--
FELICIA DAY: I don't think so.
OK, but listen, here's the thing about this book, which
we haven't actually talked about, and I
have to point it out.
Before we end, we have to talk about the shape shifting.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, right.
Oh, sorry.
OK.
FELICIA DAY: So basically, the elves, they can shape shift.
They can shape shift, or they have these pets
called Tairen, right?
VERONICA BELMONT: No.
That's not how it worked.
FELICIA DAY: No, the Tairen were dying.
VERONICA BELMONT: Pets!
FELICIA DAY: They're pets?
VERONICA BELMONT: No!
FELICIA DAY: They were shape shifters.
He could turn into one, right?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, because the Tairen
is inside of him.
FELICIA DAY: Yes, OK.
So he has a cat?
But it's not just like changing into a werewolf.
VERONICA BELMONT: It was basically a species.
BONNIE BURTON: It's this cat, right?
FELICIA DAY: It has a spiked tail.
It lays eggs.
It's telepathic.
And it breaths fire.
And it has leathery wings.
This is a dragon.
VERONICA BELMONT: That sounds about right.
KIALA KAZEBEE: That's a dragon.
VERONICA BELMONT: It's a dragon-cat.
BONNIE BURTON: You and kind of see it on the back.
Look, you can see it on the back cover.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Oh my God, it's a cat-dragon!
VERONICA BELMONT: It's a cat-dragon.
It's basically a cat-dragon, which is the greatest animal
of all time.
FELICIA DAY: It is!
VERONICA BELMONT: A Tairen would never allow itself to be
a pet, Felicia, because it is the most majestic beast.
BONNIE BURTON: I bet it's got like the best hairball.
VERONICA BELMONT: Fly on the earth.
BONNIE BURTON: That's got about the worst hairballs.
I don't want to pick up after that.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It's like a dream.
It's a dream for me.
BONNIE BURTON: It's litterbox must be huge.
[LAUGHTER]
KIALA KAZEBEE: It's litterbox is the world.
BONNIE BURTON: Is the world.
VERONICA BELMONT: The world is its litterbox.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: Oh, my God!
But just admire, guys--
admire this author who was, like, just screw it.
I'm going to create elves.
We have elves, and humans, and bad mages, and then there's
going to be a cat-dragon, and that's going to be a huge part
of the series, and people are going to treat this seriously,
and you do.
You don't really make fun of it until after you stop
reading it.
You're like, was that a cat-dragon?
[LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: I feel like there's probably a whole
Deviant Art page is dedicated to the end
times of that dragon.
I need to find those.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, God!
It's so funny.
And yet, when you're reading it, you're just feeling sorry
for them because they're dying out.
You don't think about--
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
You don't really put two and two together.
FELICIA DAY: Not until after Veronica calls
it out like it is.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: I want somebody to Photoshop you as a
cat-dragon, Veronica.
BONNIE BURTON: Me, too.
VERONICA BELMONT: Me?
Oh, that'd be an honor.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Can I be riding the Veronica cat-dragon?
VERONICA BELMONT: Yes!
OK.
BONNIE BURTON: And can we all get this on the t-shirt?
VERONICA BELMONT: Whoever makes the best Kaila riding a
Veronica cat-dragon t-shirt, I will buy you a t-shirt.
A picture!
Whoever makes the best Kaila riding on Veronica as
cat-dragon image, I will personally buy you a "Vaginal
Fantasy" t-shirt and mail it to your house.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow!
KIALA KAZEBEE: This is a good one.
VERONICA BELMONT: It is officially a contest.
FELICIA DAY: You know what?
I will not make you pay for that.
VERONICA BELMONT: Well, just know that I'm willing to.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
BONNIE BURTON: That's quite the challenge.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, my god.
BONNIE BURTON: You know what?
I have to agree with Felicia.
Any author that can go to those bounds for world
building and development and creature creating gets a
certificate of awesome.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
BONNIE BURTON: Because it's so easy to slip into the normal,
everyday, well, this is what elves are supposed to do, and
this is what dragons are supposed to do, and this is
what shape shifters are supposed to do.
When you throw that out the window, I mean, that's why I
liked Nina Bangs's T-rex shape shifter books so much.
FELICIA DAY: This is much better than that, though.
BONNIE BURTON: It is, it is.
But the reason I liked it wasn't necessarily because it
was good writing.
It was because it was unexpected.
FELICIA DAY: Yes.
It was original.
BONNIE BURTON: I like to read books where I can't predict,
even based on the cover, I can't predict what the hell
I'm about to read, and I appreciate that no matter how
outlandish it may be.
So kudos to the author for that, and CL Wilson, I hope
that you get lots of cat-dragon fan
art because of this.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, he had a Tairen soul.
And he was the only one.
OK, so thank you, Row Inferno.
Rain, the leader of the fae, was the only one who could
shape into a Tairen.
Otherwise, they just co-exist with the fae--
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: The cat-dragon.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I'm sorry.
BONNIE BURTON: What's wrong with Kiala?
Kiala turned into a music video.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Sorry!
BONNIE BURTON: It's like dark in Kiala's,
and then now it's--
KIALA KAZEBEE: I can just turn my light on.
You talk, Felicia.
BONNIE BURTON: It's like a Beyonce video in there.
Where's the backup singers?
FELICIA DAY: Oh, God.
All right.
Well, we're wrapping up, anyway.
OK, so guys, next month we agree on another theme.
What is our theme, guys?
BONNIE BURTON: Uh, weren't we going to do a man love man?
FELICIA DAY: In celebration of the Supreme Court--
BONNIE BURTON: Pride week.
FELICIA DAY: --overturning of DOMA and pride and all that
stuff, we're going to do a gay "Vaginal Fantasy."
VERONICA BELMONT: Yea!
BONNIE BURTON: Free times.
FELICIA DAY: Is that offensive?
No?
Did I say something offensive?
VERONICA BELMONT: No no.
I was just, like, yeaaa!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeaaaa!
BONNIE BURTON: It's pride.
It's pride romance.
VERONICA BELMONT: Pride romance!
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Our main pick is going to be "Tipping the
Velvet," which I've actually wanted to read.
I've read it years ago.
VERONICA BELMONT: I love the name of this so much.
FELICIA DAY: What?
VERONICA BELMONT: The name of this book is so amazing.
FELICIA DAY: "Tipping the Velvet?"
KIALA KAZEBEE: Because we know what that means.
VERONICA BELMONT: We know what that means.
BONNIE BURTON: Wink.
FELICIA DAY: Winky winky.
KIALA KAZEBEE: It means holding hands with a lady.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Holding hands.
BONNIE BURTON: It's not what I pictured, but OK.
FELICIA DAY: And then our alt book is going to be
"Sword'spoint," which is by Ellen Kushner.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I know what that means, too.
FELICIA DAY: "Swordspoint." That one has a man/man.
But, you know.
You guys are going to like both of these books.
They're really, really just awesome books, and I'm excited
to talk about them next month.
Guys, do we want to leave anybody--
oh, if you're in San Diego, come by the Geek
and Sundry off site.
All the information is going to be up on Monday, and all of
us are going to be there and at VidCon.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yea!
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yea!
FELICIA DAY: Check it out.
VERONICA BELMONT: Also, I'm going to be at Nerdtacular
this weekend in Utah, if anyone's going to be at
Nerdtacular.
BONNIE BURTON: Wow, Nerdtacular.
VERONICA BELMONT: Nerdtacular, yes.
BONNIE BURTON: That's awesome.
FELICIA DAY: Anyone else?
Bonnie, Kiala?
Anything else?
OK, good.
BONNIE BURTON: I'm in the middle of writing a couple
books, so I'm kind of, like, in the middle of my house,
surrounded by craft supplies.
You could probably see Lumpy Space Princess behind me.
KIALA KAZEBEE: I love that.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
Should I show that off?
I want to show that off.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yeah, yeah.
Lumpy Space Princess.
BONNIE BURTON: I may or may not be doing
winter times, but--
KIALA KAZEBEE: You can.
VERONICA BELMONT: Like, I guess, whatever.
OK.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Lumps.
Lumps.
BONNIE BURTON: Veronica, you do that really well.
VERONICA BELMONT: Thanks.
Thanks.
KIALA KAZEBEE: You can't handle my lumps.
BONNIE BURTON: This is Lumpy Space Princess from "Adventure
Time," so I'm doing some of those crafts
and some other crafts.
I'm going a craft book.
I guess I can just go ahead and say it.
I'm pitching it, so I don't know if it'll get published or
not, but it's a craft book where I'm matching retro
crafts from the '70s with retro cocktails.
VERONICA BELMONT: Oh.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, I love that.
BONNIE BURTON: Right?
So you can do a craft that doesn't really exist anymore
that people mostly don't do.
So it would be, like, macrame and margaritas,
decoupage and daiquiris.
VERONICA BELMONT: You should do a mai tai one because we
just got back from Hawaii and we bought a ton of rum, and
we're going to be practicing mai tai recipes.
BONNIE BURTON: Oh, mai tais are great.
FELICIA DAY: That's my favorite drink.
VERONICA BELMONT: What?
FELICIA DAY: My favorite drink.
VERONICA BELMONT: Mai tai is your favorite drink?
BONNIE BURTON: Is it really?
FELICIA DAY: That and lava-- what is it?
Lava things?
VERONICA BELMONT: Lava flow.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, my God.
I'm going to Hawaii for Christmas.
VERONICA BELMONT: Yea!
BONNIE BURTON: Yea!
FELICIA DAY: I'll have to get a mai tai.
BONNIE BURTON: I like Hawaii.
I think Hawaii's awesome.
I went one time, and all I did was, like, buy kitschy hula
girls and get hit on by really cute Nigerian guys.
FELICIA DAY: What's wrong with that?
BONNIE BURTON: It was awesome.
Let me tell you something.
I don't necessarily have a waify figure.
If you put two Dita Von Teeses together, that's my body.
[LAUGHTER]
FELICIA DAY: That sounds good.
BONNIE BURTON: Two of them together.
Not skinny at all.
And I will tell you that yeah for Nigeria, because they
appreciated me, all of me.
So thank you, Nigeria.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Yeah, Jamaica is like that, too.
I went there with my mom, and she got off the boat, and the
men came up to her.
And they're, like, "You're so fat!
I
love it!" [LAUGHTER]
BONNIE BURTON: That's awesome.
KIALA KAZEBEE: She was so happy.
BONNIE BURTON: I need to move to Jamaica.
Let's move to Jamaica.
Do I have to go outdoors all the time, or
can I just stay indoors.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Sit inside and drink.
VERONICA BELMONT: You must fear the evil day star.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah.
I will say, thought, if anyone wants to find me, I'm usually
online, so usually Twitter and Pinterest.
If you follow my Pinterest, I apologize because it's mostly
going to be Cumberbatch and bookcases.
So that's Benedict and bookcases.
That's what you should do.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Mine's not, so you should follow mine.
BONNIE BURTON: Yeah, OK.
FELICIA DAY: All right, guys.
We'll see you next month.
And we're going to be delayed, so I'll post the date.
It'll be August, uh--
I'll post it.
Anyway, go to the forums, check it out, and if you are
participating in a local, meet up as well.
BONNIE BURTON: Wait, wait.
I do want to say, if anyone records this--
I hope to God someone recorded this--
FELICIA DAY: No, it's going go work.
BONNIE BURTON: --records this, post it just in case Google
loses it like they did last time.
FELICIA DAY: No, it's going to be fine.
VERONICA BELMONT: It's going to be fine.
FELICIA DAY: It's going to be fine, Bonnie.
BONNIE BURTON: All right.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
Bye bye!
VERONICA BELMONT: It will definitely be fine.
FELICIA DAY: Keep smiling.
KIALA KAZEBEE: Bye, guys.
VERONICA BELMONT: Bye!