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hey guys, Deidrea here and erm today I want to talk to you guys about a serious matter,
okay so this is me uh..this is me opening up to guys and the reason i'm opening up to
you guys is because most of you are probably going through the exact same thing I did ok
so this time last year actually not this time last year around February I was at the lowest
point of my life the lowest point that iv ever been at. I was at the point that I didn't
care, I was lost ,felt trapped I didn't want to live anymore, life didn't seem to make
sense anymore I just felt like giving up I felt like I was useless I felt that there
was no point of me living anymore because there wasn't like a meaning to me I didn't
know what I wanted I didn't know where I was going I was going , just because so much things
was going on it made me feel just useless, hopeless ,just wanted to die so you know I
tried to, I was suicidal I tried to kill myself many times I tried hanging myself which didn't
work out because it hurt to much I tried stabbing myself ,every minute second I tried jumping
out my window everything that I could possibly think of from running into cars anything I
could just think of to try to kill myself and now I look back and think wow like I was
at such a low point *sigh* of my life that wow like I know the things that went on made
me felt that way but to think that I came to that point of my life and the fact is the
reason why is because stuff was going on at home like life was crazy and at school you
know bullying people calling me names seriously bullying its not its not something to joke
about you know seriously, its not just the bullying that made me fell that way it other
stuff other personal stuff which I don't want to talk about just yet but yh like if you
guys feel like you are in that state feel like that there's no hope feel like there's
no point to live there's no point to breathe that being in this world is just no point
there is a point there is and I know it feels hard it feel like there's no point in you
living that you serve no purpose in this world, that everybody hates you, that no one love
you, that everyone's trying to bring you down and its working. I felt the exact same way
as you and now I'm so strong I know where I'm going even though like at times I do cry
because I still even though at the time I felt suicidal and all that stuff even though
I over came that I didn't over came it properly if that make sense like I'm much stronger
than I used to be but I'm not strong I'm much stronger I look and life completely different
in a more positive prospect t but sometimes I just feel like that girl I used to feel
but this time I don't I just don't listen to *sigh like the voices in my head and stuff
like that people like even now I have people telling me that I'm useless that I'm no good
nut this time instead of listening to them and um and um dwelling on what there saying
this time I'm like do you what I don't give a damn what you say I don't give a damn what
you think because I know who I am and who I want to be and I'm going to prove every
single one of you wrong everyday literally everyday iv cried like literally everyday
at least just for 5 minutes Iv cried every single day because I still feel like person
I was before but this time I'm not going let them to the lowest I used to be like I'm not
going to try kill myself because now I see and I feel like there is a point in life and
I'm not dwelling like I try not to dwell on the past and the thing iv been through but
obviously its going to upset t me but instead of dwelling on what people say instead of
saying yh this is true this is this is what there saying I am useless I am this and that
instead of saying that I might be that but you know what I'm more than what there saying
and im going to prove them wrong every single person who ever doubted me every single person
who's ever bullied me who's ever said deidrea your stupid deidrea you cant do anything deidrea
this deidrea that ok and the fact is yh when it comes to the bullying people bullied me
for things they didn't know ok they bullied me for this scar on my face and the fact is
they don't know nothing about the scar they don't know nothing about me or how I got the
scar they don't know they used to call me scar face like make fun of me h for you I'm
talk ok for all you people who used to call me scar face yh I'm talking to you , you have
no idea who I am you have no idea what iv been through you don't know exactly have no
idea what I got this scar from and if you knew you wouldn't even think of saying the
stuff you said to me and you know what it isnt I'm not going to sit here and have a
go at you cause whatever you were stupid for saying that I was stupid of believing you
I'm just saying if you even knew the truth you would feel 10 times bad and for all you
people that who feels the way I do or have felt the way I did instead of listening to
them instead of dwelling of everything they say don't prove them wrong show them that
your stronger person don't stoop down to there level if your if your what ill tell you ill
tell you what help me get through the things I was going through like erm instead of being
around people I was around people who was depressive people no offence to you guys people
who bring me down I changed the kind of people I was hanging out with I was looking at life
more positively I was waiting YouTube video what really helped me the most was watching
YouTube videos of other people and all the thing they've been through like you guys are
watching my video of what I went through I was watching other people video an what they
went through and like the positivity they was saying I was using that for myself so
do that loo at other peoples YouTube videos of like what they been through and it does
really ,really help and I used to look in the mirror and think I was ugly and all that
stuff and you know I used to listen to what people say *sigh but what I did as well that
helped is I said I said one thing I didn't ike about myself and I said 3 things that
I do *sniff and then what I would is erm I would ask people what they like about me I
would say tell me one think that they don't like about me to like try change that and
tell me 3 things you do like about me and I would what I would do I would write down
in a little book of everything people liked about me every time I felt bad or sad or felt
hopeless I would read it and I would like I would dwell on the good stuff and the good
things in life like ah I know life feels rarely bad and I know I don't know exactly what your
going through and you don't know exactly what I went through but sniff there is hope there
is light under through the tunnel at the end of the tunnel there really is I know it feels
like your trapped it feels like there's no escapee there's no way out but there really
is there really is and just don't dwell on the bad things try I know its but try think
of the good things and just the fact that your alive is a really good things and yh
*sniff if your right now if your holding a knife scissors whatever in your hand and you
you want to do it you want to stab yourself you want to cut yourself I used to cut myself
but I don't d I anymore and I know like people say how can cutting yourself give a sign sign
of relief or whatever its it's the fact that you have so much emotional pain the reason
I cut myself basically its the fact that I had so much emotional pain and things that
I thought if I give myself physical pain it will at least like not stop but keep a hold
on the emotional pain it could it hurt but at least ill hurt from the physical pain not
the emotional pain for that time but then I remember my mum took me to the doctors like
to those psychology people or whatever and the lady said to me deidrea why do you cut
yourself so I explaining to her blah de blah and then she said well your and she knows
about my face because I told her about my face well my mum told her about my face because
I didn't want to explain it to her but she said to me deidrea if your so upset about
people like making fun of you and bullying you about your face cause you have a scar
why are you making why are you making other scars on your body for people to make fun
of you and I thought about it and I was like wow she like really right so after that I
stopped cutting myself at times I did want to but instead of cutting myself this is what
I would do I would either sniff* every time I wanted to cut myself I would just instead
of cutting myself I would get a pen and I would scribble on my hand where ever I felt
like cutting just I would instead I would hurt myself I would just write here like make
marls on my hand and my body or what ever and what I used to do I used to have nails
I still do it sometimes if I had nails I would dig my nails into my skin and I have these
panic attacks like it it used to be so like it used to happen all the time and now I rarely
get t but it still happens I don't know why I don't even know what to explain how I get
them like where I am at this point when I'm having it or what's going on I don't even
how to explain it I just go crazy I just start punching myself I start scratching myself
just ahh but basically enough of me you guys seriously I know your at the point that you
don't like sniff* you just feel like your hopeless your not hopeless I'm telling you
right now you are not hopeless you are in this world for a reason think about it think
about this ok your parents no not your parents your mum has how many your mum has three thousand
six hundred and forty two over billion eggs in her body and the fact is your egg was conceived
out of all these other eggs that's just a miracle in itself for you to be born that's
a mirical in its self you are special each and every single one of you i'm telling you
this for a purpose I don't care what ever people say about you you are special your
special to me I don't know you but you are special to me ok you are special each and
every single one you are special your beautiful you have a whole world in front of you don't
listen to what people say don't listen to the negativity listen to me listen to my positivity
listen to other peoples positivity do what I said about taking other people what they
like about you and dwell on the positivity not the negativity I'm tired of seeing other
people putting other people down just to make them self feel better don't do that if you
feel upset don't put other people down because seriously there's no point your just making
yourself look worse than you really are and its not helping I is not helping in any way
what so ever ok so you guys if you really want to talk if there something anything on
your mind seriously what ever how small how big it is you just want to talk and you want
some to to hear listen I am here for each and every single one of you no matter how
old you are I don't care if your 50 I don't care if your 25 your whatever I don't care
how old you are I don't care just talk to me ok because at least I want you guys to
be able to talk to me instead of doing something and trying to take your life because everyday
people are dying you know because things like this are happening and it seriously it breaks
my heart to think right that right now someone is dying because other people are bringing
them down so please guys if you do need to talk I'm here for each and every single one
of you ok stay blessed and please don't give up be strong ok ill talk to you guy in my
net video bye