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I have more than she does!
Huh? No.
Laughing
That is so incredibly inappropriate!
You should drink more.
Do you want to give me some more?
Laughing
Four's a crowd in New York. You can't fit anywhere.
What's a good guy *** size?
Laughing
Some guys like that! They like the ***!
(Sound of keys dropping in bowl)
(SCREAMING)
(Sound of key dropping in bowl, door closing)
What the hell just happened?
What?
Who... Threw those keys?
My date.
They came out of the closet.
Huh. Yeah?
Did I hear screaming?
Guys it's cool. She's my date. Her name's Julie I think.
What do you mean you think?
She can be a little hard to understand.
Where is she?
The closet. She's a closet monster.
I'm sorry. She's a what?
A closet monster. It's a monster that lives inside of a closet.
All right, who goes first?
Wait dude! Not cool! You gotta bring a real date.
(SCREAMING)
Babe! Whoa! I didn't know! He's normally cooler!
She can hear me?
Yes! She can hear you. She's a closet monster. Not a deaf person. Though I never pegged you
for a racist.
That wasn't racist.
That was kind of racist.
Wha... She's a monster.
She's a CLOSET monster.
Look, let's just get back on track here ok? She's really hot.
Hot hot, or like "fake" hot?
What? We're talking about sex with a random stranger here. It totally matters.
Am I hot?
Yeah!
Yeah you're hot. I mean christ! I just want to know if we're talking about Allison Janney
hot, or like Megan Fox hot. Cause, everyone says that Allison Janney's hot, but she's
really not that hot.
I can't believe you.
He's right.
But she's really talented.
Yeah ok, she's talented, I'll give you talented.
Yeah she is.
But that doesn't make her hot.
Guys! Guys! Have you ever seen a closet monster?
No.
Well, you know what? Neither have I! But she sounds so hot!
(SCREAMING)
We should all at least get to meet her.
Go ahead.
She's not gonna... I don't know. Eat me, or anything.
Well, I mean...
Doug!
No! Probably not.
You were gonna let her eat me!
No. I wasn't. She fed yesterday. She's not even hungry.
Dude. Make her promise.
Julie. Janey. Ahhh... You're not gonna eat any of these nice people are ya?
(SCREAM)
Ok. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. A promise.
(Sound of keys)
This is *** up.
You know, just stop with the racism.
It's not *** racism. I came here for a good time with hot women. But you brought
a *** monster to the party. A monster. A monster! Racism? Racism would be me saying
Asian people love math. Black people are all really good at sports. This is me saying,
I don't want to sleep with a *** dirty, stupid, closet monst....
(Sound of THUNDER. DOOR CLOSING).
(ROARING AND SCREAMING)
(ROARING AND EXPLODING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
You guys still wanna ***?
(SINGING.) You know, I want you so bad.