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[ROARS]
- MAGNIFICENT, ISN'T IT?
ONE OF THE LAST LIVING SUMATRAN TIGERS.
UNTAMED, ENDANGERED,
AND FOR SALE TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER.
WHO WILL OPEN AT $100,000?
WE HAVE 100,000.
OF COURSE, THE BEAST'S WHISKERS AND TEETH
ARE WORTH THAT ALONE.
[TIGER ROARS]
300,000?
THOSE WHO KNOW BARBECUED TIGER HEART MEANS GOOD EATING,
KNOW THEIR CUSTOMERS WILL PAY FOR SUCH EXOTIC MEALS.
1 MILLION!
2 MILLION! 3!
4 MILLION.
- 20.
YEARS TO LIFE.
UP THE RIVER.
- YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM GOTHAM, BATMAN.
- BUT NEVER FAR FROM CRIME, CATMAN.
- TEAR HIM TO PIECES.
[CROWD CHEERS]
- AAH!
- AHH!
[GRUNTS]
- RELEASE HIM, CATMAN. NOW.
- AS YOU WISH.
[GROWLS]
LOOK, THE TIGER APPRECIATES YOUR CONCERN, BATMAN.
HE'S COMING TO THANK YOU.
[ROARS]
- [WHISTLES]
- [BARKING]
[TIGER GROWLS]
[BARKING]
[TIGER GROWLS]
[GROWLS]
[TIGER GROWLS]
[FABRIC TEARING]
- MANGY MUTT.
AHH!
CALL HIM OFF.
- FOR CRIMES AGAINST NATURE, CATMAN,
THERE'S A CAGE WAITING FOR YOU
IN BLACKGATE PRISON.
HEEL.
GOOD BOY.
- [WHIMPERS]
- WELL, YOU DESERVE IT.
[HORNS HONKING]
[BEEPING]
[ALARM SOUNDING]
- WORKED LIKE A CHARM.
LET'S LOAD UP AND BLOW.
- AND SUDDENLY, DRAMATICALLY FRAMED IN THE DOORWAY,
IS THE DARK KNIGHT HIMSELF.
- I DON'T NEED A PLAY BY PLAY.
- UH, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
- DROP THE MONEY, AND GIVE YOURSELVES UP.
- UH, OK, BATMAN.
WE KNOWN WHEN WE'RE LICKED.
- OH, NO, NO.
YOU'RE MAKING IT TOO EASY.
GRAB THOSE BAGS. WATCH HIM.
- [GROANING]
- [GROANING]
[COINS JINGLE]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
- OOF.
- LOOK, IT AIN'T ME DOING THIS.
OOH!
- I THINK I BELIEVE YOU.
UNH!
- UH, SORRY.
- DON'T APOLOGIZE. HIT HIM AGAIN.
HE'S BATMAN.
HE CAN TAKE IT.
Both: WE GIVE UP.
- OH, MAN.
YOU GUYS AREN'T EVEN TRYING.
I NEED TO RAISE THE STAKES.
- UHH!
- SWEET.
NOW TRY THE SAME TRICK ON THESE GUYS.
BETTER MOVE IT.
THOSE SWORDS ARE SHARP.
- [GRUNTS]
- THAT'S A DEFENSIVE ATTACK.
NO HEADS GO FLYING,
BUT IT STINGS IN THE MORNING.
- ENOUGH.
SHOW YOURSELF.
- ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK, BATMAN.
AFTER ALL,
I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN.
- MY FAN?
- THE BIGGEST.
- AND THEY CALL YOU?
- MY REAL NAME'S UNPRONOUNCEABLE TO HUMANS,
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BAT-MITE.
- OK.
WELL, THEN.
- THAT WAS REALLY COOL
THE WAY YOU TOOK CARE OF THOSE NINJAS.
I BET YOU COULD TAKE ON 3 TIMES AS MANY.
- YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU?
- I'M FROM THE FIFTH DIMENSION.
BEINGS FROM MY REALM
HAVE POWERS THAT YOU 3-Ds TAKE FOR MAGICAL.
- A FRIEND OF MINE IN METROPOLIS
TOLD ME ABOUT MENACES LIKE YOU.
- I'M NOT A MENACE.
YOU'RE MY HERO.
- GREEN ARROW'S GONNA LOVE THIS.
- GREEN ARROW?
PEE-U.
FLASH, PLASTIC MAN.
PLEASE.
THEY'RE NOT FIT TO BUFF YOUR BATARANG.
I GOT TIRED OF WATCHING THOSE LOSERS
TAKE UP VALUABLE SCREEN TIME.
SO I'M HERE TO HELP YOU TAKE YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE
AS THE GREATEST HERO OF ALL TIME.
- GO HOME, KID.
- I THINK WE'LL START WITH YOUR COSTUME.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY COSTUME?
- IT'S ALL WRONG.
[BATS SQUEAKING]
IMPOSING, BUT TOO DRACULA.
TOO DASHING.
TOO CAMPY.
TOO ICKY.
TOO CONFUSING.
[THUNDER]
TOO PSYCHO.
- STOP.
I DON'T FIGHT CRIME BECAUSE I WANT PRAISE AS A HERO.
I DO IT BECAUSE THERE ARE CRIMINALS OUT THERE
TOO DANGEROUS FOR REGULAR POLICE TO HANDLE.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
I'LL PUT IN A FIGHT TO THE FINISH
WITH THE MOST POWERFUL VILLAIN EVER,
AND THE WORLD WILL SEE HOW GREAT YOU ARE
AT TAKING HIM DOWN.
HERE HE IS.
GORILLA GRODD.
EH, OVEREXPOSED.
I KNOW. SOLOMON GRUNDY.
- [GROWLS]
- NO. SHAGGY MAN.
- CALENDAR MAN.
- CALENDAR MAN!
CALENDAR MAN?
- NOW, IF 30 DAYS HATH SEPTEMBER...
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- BATMAN. BUT HOW?
I HADN'T EVEN BEGUN MY NEW HOLIDAY CRIME SPREE.
- I'LL EXPLAIN LATER.
TAKE A DIVE.
- UH, OOF?
UHH. UHH.
[GROANS]
- THERE, I DEFEATED YOUR VILLAIN OF CHOICE.
NOW, WILL YOU GO HOME?
- WHOA, WHOA.
THAT WAS NEVER A FAIR FIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT SKILLS IN WEAPONS.
ALL HE'S GOT IS A DAILY PLANNER.
LET'S BUMP HIM UP A NOTCH.
CALENDAR MAN,
YOU ARE NOW CALENDAR KING,
WITH THE POWER TO BRING ANY HOLIDAY ICON TO LIFE.
- REALLY?
- LIVE THE DREAM, BIG SHOT.
- YES.
I'LL TAKE AN ARMY OF HALLOWEEN JACK-O-LANTERNS.
A LEGION OF BIKER SANTAS.
AND A COMPANY OF UBER PATRIOTIC UNCLE SAMS.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, BATMAN.
- THIS IS SO COOL.
- UHH!
- WELL PLAYED, CAPE CRUSADER.
- UHH!
[GRUNTS]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[ENGINE REVS]
[GRUNTS]
- UHH!
- SEEMS YOU NEED REINFORCEMENTS.
- WHAT'S TO SEND NEXT?
KILLER ROBOT LEPRECHAUNS?
ANGRY PILGRIMS?
HA! I HAVE IT.
MUTANT EASTER BUNNIES.
- EASTER BUNNIES?
REALLY?
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH BUNNIES?
- I'M JUST HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS.
ALL THESE CREATURES MIGHT BE TOO OVER THE TOP
TO BE BATMAN VILLAINS.
- I REALLY DON'T SEE HOW.
- LET'S SEE WHAT OTHER BATMAN FANBOYS THINK.
- [SLURPING]
[BURPS]
- YES? YOU'VE GOT A QUESTION?
- I ALWAYS FELT BATMAN
WAS BEST SUITED IN THE ROLE OF GRITTY, URBAN CRIME DETECTIVE,
BUT NOW YOU GUYS HAVE HIM UP AGAINST SANTAS
AND EASTER BUNNIES.
I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S NOT MY BATMAN.
[AIR DEFLATES]
- POSSIBLY HE'S RIGHT.
[PANEL WHISPERING]
- ...SOME TESTING TO DO.
HERE, READ THIS.
- "BATMAN'S RICH HISTORY ALLOWS HIM TO BE INTERPRETED
"IN A MULTITUDE OF WAYS.
"TO BE SURE, THIS IS A LIGHTER INCARNATION,
"BUT IT'S CERTAINLY NO LESS VALID AND TRUE TO THE CHARACTER'S ROOTS
AS THE TORTURED AVENGER CRYING OUT FOR MOMMY AND DADDY."
AND BESIDES, THOSE EASTER BUNNIES LOOKED REALLY SCARY, RIGHT?
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- TRUE DAT.
- MEH.
- OK, THEN. MUTANT BUNNIES ARE A GO.
[BUNNIES GROWLING]
- WHAT'S LEFT TO THROW AT HIM?
A SQUADRON OF SCOLDING MOTHERS?
OHH! UHH!
[GROANS]
- YAY!
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.
- WHERE DID HE GO?
- OH, BACK TO WHEREVER IT WAS I PLUCKED HIM FROM.
NOW, LET'S TALK KILLER MOTH.
- WAIT. UH, BAT-MITE,
IF YOU TRULY VALUE MY ABILITIES--
- OH, I DO. I DO.
YOU KNOW I DO, BATMAN.
- THEN YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO WASTE THEM
IN POINTLESS FIGHTS, WOULD YOU?
- NO, NOT REALLY.
- THEN WE BOTH AGREE IT WOULD BE BEST
IF YOU RETURNED HOME TO YOUR HOME DIMENSION
AND LET ME CONTINUE TO FIGHT CRIME IN PEACE.
RIGHT?
- RIGHT. BUT I STILL THINK I COULD--
- I'LL GIVE YOU AN OFFICIAL BATARANG.
AND I'LL SIGN IT.
- DEAL!
THANKS, PAL.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST.
[SQUEALS]
- WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
- I'M NOT SURE.
HEY, BATS, DID YOU HEAR
THIS WEIRD LITTLE VOICE KIND OF HECKLING YOU?
- NO.
[TIRES SCREECH]
HI, ACE.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I WENT THROUGH TONIGHT.
- [WHIMPERS AND PANTS]
- SPENT MOST OF THE DEALING WITH A WEIRD LITTLE CREEP FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION.
- [BARKS]
- RIGHT. THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
DON'T WORRY. I TRICKED THE PEST INTO GOING HOME.
UH-OH.
- WEIRD LITTLE CREEP, AM I? A PEST, AM I?
OK, BATMAN. I'LL SHOW YOU A PEST!
[BEEPING]
- [CREATURES ROARING]
- STOP THIS, BAT-MITE. NOW.
- THE GREAT BATMAN. HA!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY HERO. ALL RIGHT, THEN.
IF YOU WON'T BE MY HERO, THEN YOU'LL BE MY TOY.
AND JUST LIKE A TOY, I'LL PLAY WITH YOU
UNTIL YOU BREAK!
- [CREATURES ROARING]
- UHH!
UHH!
- [GRUNTS AND SHOUTS]
[ENGINE REVVING]
- THAT'S RIGHT, LITTLE TOY.
KEEP MOVING! IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL STAY IN ONE PIECE!
HEE HEE HEE!
- THE ONLY WAY, HUH?
- [ROARING]
- GOOD! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW YOU SMASH THAT MONSTER.
I'LL BET HE USES A BAT-BOMB.
NO! NO! HE'LL USE HIS BAT-RAY!
YOU'RE BOTH WACKY. HE'LL USE HIS BAT-MONSTER REPELLENT.
UH, GUYS, FYI,
BATMAN'S JUST SITTING THERE.
WHAT GIVES? YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO SAVE YOURSELF.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- HOLD EVERYTHING!
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
- I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I'D RATHER END THINGS HERE AND NOW
THAN EXIST AS THE PLAYTHING OF SOME ALL-POWERFUL BRAT.
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LIE DOWN AND DIE. YOU'RE A HERO!
YOU'RE BATMAN.
- WELL, SINCE YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME,
WHY DON'T YOU BE BATMAN? - ME? THAT'S NUTS.
I CAN'T BE BATMAN. CAN I?
- YOU HAVE THE POWER. GO ON. TURN YOURSELF INTO BATMAN.
- BUT I COULDN'T. I MEAN, I'VE ONLY WATCHED YOU FROM AFAR.
I NEVER DREAMED I COULD ACTUALLY BE...
REALLY? - LIKE YOU TOLD CALENDAR MAN,
LIVE THE DREAM, BIG SHOT.
- YES. I'LL DO IT!
- NOW FOLLOW MY VOICE AND DO EXACTLY AS I SAY.
IT'S NIGHTTIME AT GOTHAM CITY. SIRENS WAIL IN AN ALLEY.
[SIRENS]
A CAPED FIGURE LANDS ON A ROOFTOP.
[THUNDER]
- THIS...IS AWESOME SAUCE.
- YEAH.
SUDDENLY, AN ALARM RINGS OUT AT THE SCIENCE MUSEUM.
[BELL RINGING]
[GLASS SHATTERS] IT'S GORILLA GRODD.
HE'S STOLEN AN EXPERIMENTAL WEAPON THAT WILL ENHANCE
HIS MIND-CONTROL POWERS.
STOP HIM, BATMAN.
- [GROWLING]
[ROARS]
- AAH!
UHH!
- YOU MUST FIGHT HIM ON HIS OWN TERMS.
- RIGHT.
- NO. I MEANT OUTTHINK HIM.
GRODD CONSIDERS HIMSELF A GENIUS FIRST
AND AN APE SECOND.
- OUTTHINK HIM-- I'M SURE THERE'S SOME CLEVER GISMO
IN MY UTILITY BELT I CAN USE.
GOTTA BE SOMETHING!
[CLANG]
[BELL RINGS]
- IRONY. GOOD.
[SQUISHING]
- [CHOMPING]
- [GRUNTING]
- YAAH!
UHH! [PANTS]
SURRENDER, CRIMINALS! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM BATMAN!
[GASPS]
MR. POLKA-DOT-- THE POLKA-DOT MAN!
TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM!
[CLANKING] KILLER MOTH...
MR. ZERO...
KITE MAN!
AND ZEBRA-MAN!
YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN!
AW, CRUMBS.
OOH!
UHH!
OOH!
UHH!
UNH!
AAH!
AAH! UHH!
UNH! UHH! AAH!
UHH!
[WHIMPERS]
- [ZOOMING]
[PANTING] - [BUZZING]
- [SHOUTING]
[CONTINUES PANTING AND SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
AAH!
- DON'T RUN! GATHER YOUR WITS!
CONFRONT YOUR ENEMIES!
- I CAN'T!
MY IMAGINATION IS RUNNING AWAY WITH ME!
AAH! [GRUNTS AND WHIMPERS]
LET ME GO! HUH?
AAH!
AAH!
AAH-HA-HA-HA!
[SPLASHING]
[WHIRRING] OH, NO!
IT'S TIGER SHARK!
YAAH!
[CREAKING AND WHIRRING]
YAAH!
AAH!
[SKIDDING]
[WHIMPERS]
AAH! AAH!
AAH.
AAH!
[CLICK]
AAH!
[SHATTERING]
THIS IS NOT GOING AS WELL AS I PLANNED.
[RUMBLING]
SO MANY OF THEM-- I CAN'T FIGHT THEM ALL!
UHH!
[GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]
HELP ME, BATMAN!
- ARE YOU SURE?
I DON'T WANT TO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT FROM THE DARK-MITE DETECTIVE.
- I'M SURE! I'M SURE!
- UHH!
UHH!
[CLICK]
UHH!
[HISSING]
[PING-PONG BELLS RINGING]
UHH!
- HE'S--HE'S DOING IT! MAYBE IF I REALLY CONCENTRATE--
[GRUNTS AND SHOUTS]
- [SCREECHES]
- I'M SORRY, BATMAN.
I'M NO HERO--
JUST A FAILURE IN A PLAYSUIT THAT MY MOM MADE.
- YOU HAVE POWERS THAT PUT OTHER MAGIC USERS TO SHAME.
BE PROUD OF THAT.
SOMEONE THAT POWERFUL SHOULDN'T BLINDLY FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS.
- I GUESS THAT'S TRUE, HUH?
THANKS FOR HELPING ME SEE THE LIGHT...
AND FOR LETTING ME HANG WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.
- WHEW. WHAT A NIGHT.
AT LEAST I SENT THE LITTLE GUY HOME HAPPY.
HOPEFULLY, HE'LL STAY THERE.
- [WHIMPERS] - JUST CHECKING.
- [ROARING AND HISSING]
HUH?
[SHRIEKS AND GRUNTS]
- THAT WAS GREAT! HI, GREEN ARROW.
I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
[LOONEY TUNES THEME PLAYING]
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!