Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Yes, sir, I told you I would personally find them,
and I will, Senator.
Good night, sir.
(Elder Talbot) We didn't get very far.
(Elder Johnson) Well, it would have been nice
for one of us to remember water.
(Elder Talbot) The coffee can was a good idea.
I'll see ya in the morning.
Why'd you come on a mission, Elder Johnson?
Prospects for marriage are far greater
for returned missionaries,
and it was the right thing to do.
What about you?
Girlfriend.
Wow, she must be pretty special.
Ooooh yeah, real special.
She was fetchin' engaged six weeks after I left...
Bummer!
...to my brother.
[smirking and laughing]
Sorry, that hurts!
That hurts even worse!
[snorts and continues laughing]
My parents were so excited about it.
They were?
How could they be?
Well, my brother is like 42.
Eewwww.
They thought he'd move out.
He still lived at home?
We shared a room.
[clanking of engine]
(Sister Cutbank) C'mon baby, you can do it,
honey Ol' Blossom.
Rise and shine Elders, takin' the active runway.
Come on!
Whee!
Ah ha ha ha haa!
Whew!
♪
ORDER UP!
[clang of bell]
French toast, two short stacks,
over easy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How you holdin' up?
I'm as good as gold, darlin'.
Sorry it took so long, Elders.
There you go. Anything else?
Uh, yeah, coffee-black.
Very funny.
This place is like a cash cow.
Are you always this busy?
Yes, and it usually runs a little smoother.
You can smell the money over the grease.
You should hire more help.
My mom handled crowds for 20 years
without missing an order.
(Cook) People waiting. We gotta get a goin'.
I better go. Can't upset the cook!
Wow!
She looks a lot different.
[laughing] You are so clueless, man.
What?
What did I do?
It's what you didn't do, man.
When a girl gives you an opening you take it!
What?
When?
Like the whole mom thing.
You shoulda been like,
"Your mom must be pretty special.
When can I meet her?"
That's not somethin' I'd ever say.
Oh, and what would you say, Romeo?
I'd ask why her mom wasn't helpin' out?
Wrong.
What if she's sick with some terrible disease?
She'd tell me she is sick
with some terrible disease.
Yeah, and then you say, "I'm so sorry.
And then she'd know how sensitive I am.
And then she'll start crying,
rushing to the back room.
Nice job, Johnson.
We are we having this conversation?
We can't date!
OJ?
Is that a Coca-Cola product?
It's Minute Maid.
I'm tryin' to help Elder Johnson
keep his words of wisdom,
and I'm afraid it is.
What?
We'll have to pass.
Thank you!
Where're you from Elder?
Uh, I'm uh, I'm from the South.
Oh yeah?
What part of the South?
California.
I grew up in the South,
and we never heard about California
bein' part of it.
Well, there's two parts to California--
one is the North, and one is the South.
And, I'm from the South.
Should I be takin' notes, Romeo?
Our ride's here.
Those are the clowns I hustled at the pool hall.
Follow me.
Can we have it to go, please?
Yeah, we were supposed to meet the pastor ten minutes ago.
Here you go.
Sorry you're late.
[jukebox plays] ♪
♪
Elders, wait.
I'll give you a ride to Bishop Hollister's place.
Oh no, we can just walk.
Don't be ridiculous.
It'll take two hours to get there walking.
Get in.
So, is that guy a friend?
What guy?
Daren?
How did you know his name?
I, uh, overheard the waitress.
Oh, so he's your boyfriend.
Daren Burnett is the biggest jerk
in three counties.
We grew up together.
He wouldn't stop asking me out,
so I went out with him.
He's unstable, and I learned
I wanted more out of life
than football and beer parties.
So, that's where you found Jesus?
You know, you guys aren't like typical missionaries.
♪
You think this has traces of coffee?
(Elder Talbot) Even if there is,
the ox is in the mire, wouldn't you say?
Oh yeah, sure.
Speaking of which,
I remember once I pretended being sick on Super Bowl Sunday.
Mom took me to the doctor's.
I watched the game in the waiting room.
She said the ox was in the mire.
I still feel really bad about that.
That story makes no sense, Elder.
But, I know what you mean.
♪♪
(Bishop) I waited at your place for more than an hour.
I am sorry, Bishop.
We completely lost track of time.
Where you been?
It was my fault, sir.
I was, I wanted to stop at the diner.
I am sure Sarah is thankful for the business,
but Sister Cooley needed a blessing.
She is having a baby next week,
and she's not doing well.
It won't happen again, sir.
Elders, good missionaries
have dedication and commitment.
And this town needs good missionaries.
Well, what would you like us to do, Bishop?
Why don't you go back to town,
do some tracting?
Go where the spirit leads you, Elders.
Uh, right, that good ol' spirit leadin' the way!
Say, Sarah, can we catch a ride back to town?
Yeah.
Wrong spirit, Elders.
It's no big deal, Bishop. I don't mind.
Elder Talbot, what is the rule
on riding in cars with single sisters?
Are you talking about attractive sisters
or unattractive sisters, Bishop?
We are NOT allowed to ride in cars with single sisters.
I am sorry, Bishop,
I guess I didn't think about it.
It doesn't look too good
when two missionaries are riding around
with a very attractive sister.
You guys know the way back?
We'll be fine.
♪
All right, never enter a home
of a single sister.
When the father is away from the home...
Man, tell me what we can do.
This than is worse than the camp.
At least we could drink Coke
or have a cup of Joe,
and ride in cars with girls.
They were no girls at our school.
[laughing]
Back up, back up, back up!
Back up! Back up!
Back up!
Aaahhhh!
Okay, okay.
All right. Enough, enough.
Six miles in under two hours.
Not bad, throwing lemons too.
You know, you can learn a lot
about a town just by walkin' its roads.
Yeah, we saw lots of lemons.
Ha ha.
Come on.
I want to show you something.
What about that tracting you wanted us to do?
We'll get to that later.
Come on, get in.
♪
Well.
Here we are.
Did you ever ride horses?
Uh, yeah, once.
No, that was a mule.
Fellas, come on in.
You've never ridden a horse?
Dude, how many black cowboys have you seen?
(Bishop) Elders, I'd like you to meet my friend, Reginald Steedman.
That's the first.
You guys ready for some work?
Work?
As in "work?"
Or, are we talkin' about the Lord's work?
Brother Steedman and I have made a deal.
Every time you clean out his stalls,
he'll listen to one of the discussions.
That seemed pretty fair.
(Elder Talbot) [coughing]
How many discussions are there?
You don't even want to know that.
Elders, I've never seen cleaner stalls.
Eight o'clock tonight.
What's at 8 o'clock?
You cleaned my stalls,
I'll let you teach me a lesson.
Great. Eight o'clock.
That's less than two hours.
Okay Elders, go ahead.
We had a deal.
Yeah, go ahead, Elder Johnson.
It's your lesson.
Help a brother out.
Just pick one of those lessons.
He's not going to know if it is right.
Uh, your body is a temple.
Yes, it's a very big temple.
No, no unclean thing should be partaken of
to defile our body.
The Lord revealed to Jordan Smith
that we should refrain from strong drink,
tobacco, and out-of-date meat.
Don't you mean Joseph Smith?
Exactly!
He always gets it wrong.
And if you obey these wise words of wisdom,
ye shall walk and not faint,
run and not fall down.
Isn't it, out-of-season meat?
Yes, but, uh, it can be interpreted
to mean past the expiration date
shown on the packages of the meats.
Yeah, what does strong drink mean?
Well, um, let's-let's, let's see.
Well?
Strong drinks.
Not for the belly but for washing of our bodies.
And again, tobacco is not good for man
and is an herb for bruises and sick cattle
to be used with judgment and skill.
Where does that come from?
(Elder Talbot) Well, it says revelation
given to Joseph Smith, the prophet,
at Kirkland, Ohio,
February 27, 1833.
That's almost 200 years ago.
That's pretty forward thinking.
Uh, yeah, J. Smith was no dummy, you know.
♪
[slow footsteps]
"Please help us.
"We're heading west.
Elders Johnson and Talbot."
♪
So, Elder Johnson, successful day?
Yeah, we uh, we did some preachin',
if that's whatcha mean.
Have you always been a member of the church?
No, why?
'Cuz you do some of the strangest things.
Like ordering Coke when I shouldn't have?
Y--yeah!
I've noticed there are things you do,
aren't typical of the missionaries I've known.
Well, considering where I've been in my life,
I think that I'm doin' pretty good as a missionary.
Okay, that came out wrong.
I-I'm not judging you.
I just find it nice.
Nice?
Yeah, nice, that you're different.
Do you realize if my last name was Elder,
I'd be "Elder Elder."
If I was a woman I'd be "Sister Elder."
Ha ha.
That's confusing, isn't it?
What is it with you and bathrooms?
Every time you come out you're like a genius.
But, if I had an older sister in the same mission, you'd say,
"Sarah, this is Elder Elder,
"and this is Elder Elder's elder sister, Sister Elder.
Elder Elder, Sister Elder, this is Sarah."
That kinda cool, isn't it?
Why don't you be the dumb waitress
and leave the deep thinking to us?
Elder Elder.
Elder Elder, Sister Elder.
What was that supposed to mean?
What?
The dumb waitress bit?
I don't know,
just that I've met some pretty dumb waitresses
on the outside that is,
but, not you, of course.
My mom was a waitress her entire life.
And I am sure she's probably a very special person.
When can I meet her?
She's dead.
Sarah, wait. I'm sorry, didn't know.
Why don't you concentrate
on being the insensitive missionary,
and I'll concentrate on being the dumb waitress.
♪
Nice timing.
We gotta get outta here before I go crazy.
Elders, I need your help.
Someone else have some stalls that need cleanin'?
It's Brother Steedman.
There's been an accident.
He was unconscious when they found him.
I don't understand. We were just with him.
I only know that when he woke up
was he wanted to see the missionaries.
Now, do you have consecrated oil with you?
What?
Consecrated oil, that's why we're here.
I'd like to give Brother Steedman a blessing.
No, we don't, Bishop.
We must have left it in the car.
Well, I have some in my truck.
Uh, you two go inside.
A blessing?
Any idea what he's talking about?
Yes.
And there is no
way we can bluff our way through it.
Brother Steedman.
Elders!
Well, I'm very glad you came.
What happened?
Well, I don't really know.
I was standing on the fence;
The next thing I was staring up at the clouds.
So, what did the doctors say?
Well, they are doin' a whole bunch of tests--
nothing so far.
Okay, that's a good thing then.
You know, I had a dream.
I saw some things that made me think about you two.
It kinda scared me.
If it's that out-of-date meat thing,
you know, we can review that whole...
Ever since I met you two, something's a little, well...
Maybe some, you know, some reading material
will uh, help you clear your mind.
Ha ha huh.
You two did a great job taking care of my horses,
Can you take care of my place until I get home.
Now, I know it's a big responsibility,
but I am sure you two can handle the job.
Tomorrow's feed day,
so you're gonna have to take my truck and go into town
and load up for the week.
No, that is not gonna to work.
Bishop Hollister set up appointments for us,
and we are sorta committed.
Well, I've already spoken to him.
He can work things out
as long as it's okay with you two.
We'll do it.
I knew I could count on you.
[knock at door]
How are you?
We're doin' okay.
You are going to have to excuse me.
Uh, I have the consecrated oil.
What about the blessing?
I have to be with my companion.
I'm sorry about that.
You can't leave me alone.
We're a team, remember?
Look, Elder...Tyler...
Hey, we got wheels, we got cash,
and we agreed to leave.
So don't be giving me a guilt trip.
Look, we made a commitment to Brother Steedman, Justin.
Are you comin' or not, huh?
We're supposed to stay together?
It's mission rules.
We're not missionaries!
We're delinquents, serial #43769.
Look, I think we are somewhere in between.
The only reason why anybody gives us attention
is because they think that we are missionaries.
If they knew who we were, they'd run us out.
Look, I just think it's time we stopped running, Justin.
Hey, runnin's my life.
Why?
Well, let's see.
It started when Dad didn't show up
to my championship baseball game.
Yeah, I was seven.
According to my counselor,
I'm in desperate need of some attention.
So, I run.
I have to.
It's who I am.
It's not who you are, it's what you do.
Blah, blah, blah.
What am I supposed to tell everyone?
That I got sick,
I had to go home.
The last missionaries up and left.
So, why can't we?
What am I supposed to tell Sarah?
No, don't do this man.
(Johnson) The children of Israel
wandered in the desert for 40 years
before they found the promised land.
(Talbot) Is that to motivate me?
Nah, it's just a little trivia is all.
Well, the tallest donut ever
was like over 30-foot high and weighed almost 600 lbs.
It took ten guys three days to eat it
Do you know that
because you were one of the ten guys?
Should have stayed at the rest stop?
(Johnson) Absolutely not.
This is going to make great material
for my homecoming talk.
[wolf howls in distance]
Assuming we live.
Elder Johnson.
Yeah?
If I die, you can eat me!
No thanks.
I hit my cholesterol max with the Twinkies.
No, come on, really.
My parents would totally understand.
No.
No, um, I'm uh, a vegetarian.
Good, the wolves will eat me then.
I realize we had burgers yesterday,
but as of right now I am a vegetarian.
Okay, that's cool.
[sobbing]
[melancholy music plays] ♪
♪
Elder Johnson?
Is something wrong?
Where's Elder Talbot?
He is, uh, in the truck.
He's asleep.
(Sarah) That's the Steedman truck.
Yeah, he, uh,
he asked us to take care of his place
while he was in the hospital.
Well, what happened?
The doctors aren't sure.
They said that, um, not to worry.
I didn't want to bother you.
I was just gonna
leave this note on your jeep.
What's it say?
Just that, um, we'll be at the Steedman place
if you need to get ahold of us.
It's a little weird seeing you in normal clothes.
Yeah, ha.
If feels kinda weird too.
It feels too much like home.
Listen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier.
You mean about me being a dumb waitress?
I didn't say that you were dumb.
We get it all the time.
People see the uniform,
but they don't see who's inside.
I guess waitresses and missionaries
have got a lot in common then.
Yeah, I guess we do.
So, do you like it here, in New Harmony?
What's not to like?
Everybody knows everybody.
It's quiet, most of the time.
We're one big, big family.
Not a day goes by that I don't think
about going someplace else.
There's a whole world out there
I know nothing about.
Yeah, well, most of it isn't worth knowing.
I guess you see both sides from being a missionary.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I do.
And I kinda like what I see here in New Harmony.
Right.
Well, I uh,-- I better go.
You know, that whole opposite sex thing.
(Sarah) Elder Johnson?
Yeah?
Good night.
Good night.
(Cutbank) Beautiful Sunday morning, and it's great to be alive!
Ha ha, ha ha!
Need some help?
Huh?
It was the girl, wasn't it?
No!
Not even.
Yeah, right.
Not EVEN!
I came back to save you!
Yeah, right.
(Talbot) Remember the Donner Party?
(Johnson) Wrong season, Elder.
(Talbot) You must survive at all costs to carry on my legacy.
I'm not eating you, Elder Talbot.
And if you labor all your days
and save but one soul,
how great shall be your joy in my Father's kingdom.
I'm still not eating you.
(Cutbank) Ha ha ha ha!
Don't start without me, Bishop.
(Bishop) Brothers and sisters,
we've had a wonderful meeting here today.
And in closing,
I'd like to invite Elder Talbot and Elder Johnson,
our new missionaries,
to come up here and introduce themselves to you
and to bear their testimonies.
Elders?
This oughta be interesting.
♪
Good morning, brothers and sisters.
Good morning, I'm Elder Johnson
and my partner, Elder Talbot.
We are here straight from the MTC,
the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
♪ Amazing grace ♪
But it, it's good to be here,
in New Harmony.
♪ ..how sweet.. ♪
I'm from California,
and my companion is from a small town in Idaho