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EnjWA the little things in life,
for someday you will realize they were the big things.
Did you hear yourself, Sam?
You mispronounced "enjoy."
I didn't mispronounce "enjoy."
Yes you did, Sam. You said "EnjWA the little things." Try saying it right.
EnjWA the little things... enjWA the little... enjWA the...
En...JOY the little things. There. That's better.
Next sign, please.
This is a Velociraptor-free workplace.
It has proudly been 12 days since the last Velociraptor incident.
This must be Jurassic Park.
I agree, Mike.
If you're not careful, they'll knock you flat on Jurassic.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Just Burgers. Pizza burger, shrimp basket, fish fry, ice.
Just Burgers? I don't think so!
St. Francis in the Foothills United Methodist Church.
Body Building Worship, 7:45 & 9.
I didn't know Hercules was a religious man.
Do they pray for him, or do they pray to him?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dat mass. Does it mean dat one, and not dis one?
Einstein just went hip-hop.
America's largest 4G network.
Gadzooks! Look at the size of her!
She reminds me of Speakonia Female 1.
Watch it, Sam. I'm not as fat as the woman in this picture.
My sentiments exactly.
If I were as large as she is,
if I ate or drink one more thing, I'd explode.
[BOOM!!]
Hung Fat Pawn Shop.
So that's what they did with the pieces of that 4G girl.
They hung her fat.
Listen, you a**wipe! Overweight people do NOT explode!
I'm not the a**wipe. Microsoft Mike is.
I am not an a**wipe, you sonofab*tch!
Do not feed the elephants. It creates management problems.
Don't start talking politics with me.
I'll vote the way I want to.
God will never leave you for the Jets.
They should have told Plaxico Burress that when they released him from jail.
God would never root for the Patriots, though.
Nehalem Bay State Park. Cemetery. Recycle center.
They recycle corpses? Ye Gads!
It's all too shockingly true.
Soylent Green really is made out of people.
Local police are now targeting fat chicks.
So that's why the 4G girl blew up:
they planted explosive charges on her.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rolf!
Listen, Sam, one more fat chick joke and I'll "rofl rofl rofl rolf" you!
Time spent when you can't sleep:
the blue section represents time trying to fall asleep;
the red section represents calculating the exact amount of sleep you'll get if you fall asleep right this second.
No wonder Sam's always groggy in the morning.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!
Microsoft Mary, stop picking on me! You hear? Stop picking on me!
B*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch b*tch bi---
[BOOM!!]
Oh crotch. Here we go again.
Hamburgers, Chips & Russians.
Judas Priest! So that's what happened to Boris Yeltsin.
Warning: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
So that's why I'm stuck here.
My father left me unattended in 1997 and I haven't seen him since.
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
There, there; don't get upset.
I lost my folks in the 9-11 attacks.
Bite Me Bait Shop.
Is that any name for a bait shop? "Bite Me?"
Don't mind if I do, thank you.
[CHOMP!]
Eee-yowowowowowowowowowow!
Sam, Sam, Sam.
Shame on you, you monster!
Do Not Read Under Penalty of Law.
Uh, oh! I just read the sign.
[SIREN]
[Whispering] Microsoft Sam, you're under arrest.
Oh crotch! And I just got out of jail!
What am I? Glutton for punishment?
Judas Priest!
That is one big roll of toilet paper that was just used up.
I didn't know Paul Bunyan had diarrhea.
He used the area for a toilet?
Gross! Eeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Mary barfing]
Holy mother-of-pearl!
That's the weirdest-looking lawnmower I've ever seen.
That's not a lawnmower, that's a giant razor.
If it cuts the grass that well, it must be the sharpest razor in the world.
Pull over if locusts impair your vision.
So that's what they did to me at the police station
rather than jail me again.
They plagued me with locusts.
And they made you eat half of them.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Don't remind me, Mary!
Eeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Sam barfing]
Please use side entrance.
No tank tops, T's, or "Wife Beaters" allowed, male or female.
They won't allow gay couples here either.
This place is a den of hate criminals.
Last chance ATM. Closed.
Jeez Louise! How can I get any money now?
Love the little tacos. Love them good.
So this is how low our civilization has sunk:
making love to little tacos.
Sex with a taco? Gross!
Eeeewwwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Mike barfing]
This is the entrance to Narnia. Welcome.
This is the entrance to Hogwarts.
Must be the Harry Potter locker.
This is the entrance to Oz. Don't forget to follow the Yellow Brick Road.
If I opened all these lockers,
I'd find the poor nerds who were beaten up by the school bullies.
He fo owing are prohibited at this wharf:
Consumption of alcohol.
Use of obscene or decent language.
Creating a disturbance or nuisance.
Drunken, riotous, violent or indecent behavior.
Penalties apply.
So what language do they allow here?
If they allow nothing here, let's move on.
What your kids really want for dinner... is you!
Parents, don't let your kids grow up to be cannibals.
Warning: do not lean over.
Jagged or smooth cliff edge.
It's a long way down. I'll just hold on to the handrail.
Ye Gads! There's no rail and I'm slip---
OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W...
[Mike through the ground]
[CRASH!]
Mike! Mike! Where are you?
Mary, I don't know how to say this, but Mike's disappeared.
Alas, poor Microsoft Mike. We knew him well.
And now I regret all the times I've called Mike an assw---
EEE-YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI...
[Sam through the ground]
[CRASH!]
Oh Sam. You and Mike. Gone forever.
I'm all that's left.
Well, there's only one thing for me to do, and that's go down with them.
[Mary falling down saying EEE-YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI... accidentally the ground]
[CRASH!]
Oh crotch! The same place again!
I hope and pray that someone
will rescue me soon.
You got the slide in there wrong, buddy. Get it right.
Sorry.
There. That's better.
This is a davemadson films inc. production.