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♪♪♪
(man) THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.
THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY, ANYWAY.
(creaking)
MONEY MAKES EVERYTHING GO WRONG.
THAT'S CERTAINLY WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT.
WHEN I WAS A KID,
MY DAD WORKED FOR THE RICHEST FAMILY IN NEW YORK CITY--
THE DARLINGS.
(man) IT'S MY JOB, CLARE.
IF THEY'RE GONNA BUY AN ENTIRE ISLAND,
YEAH, RIGHT, AND I GET TO SIT HERE AND ROT!
YOU WANT ME TO QUIT?
DO YOU WANT ME TO QUIT? I QUIT. FINE.
(Clare) NO, DEVLIN, TAKE CARE OF THE THE DARLINGS,
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THEY NEED YOU MORE THAN WE DO.
WORKING FOR THE DARLINGS WAS *** MY DAD,
BUT IT WAS EVEN HARDER ON MY MOM.
AT SOME POINT, YOU'LL COME TO YOUR SENSES
I'VE ALREADY COME TO MY SENSES, DUTCH. I'M NOT COMING BACK.
NICKY...
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
MOMMY JUST HAS TO GO.
(whispers) GOOD-BYE, SWEETHEART.
AND IT WAS HARD FOR ME, TOO,
AS I GREW UP IN THE SHADOW OF MY FATHER...
AND THE IMMENSELY WEALTHY FAMILY HE WORKED FOR.
(Dutch) NICKY, YOU WAIT OUT HERE, ALL RIGHT?
I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS,
AND I'LL BE BACK IN TEN MINUTES, THEN WE'LL GO HOME. OKAY?
OKAY.
OKAY.
(children laughing)
I HATE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
AND SO I PROMISED MYSELF THAT WHEN I GREW UP,
I WOULD NEVER BE ANYTHING LIKE MY DAD,
AND I WOULD NEVER WORK FOR THE DARLINGS.
YOUR DAD CALLED.
GREAT. WHO ELSE?
UH, LET THEM EAT FOOD BANK, AND JUDGE CAMPBELL CALLED--
YEAH? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO SAY?
WELL, LEGALLY SPEAKING, THE SISTERS OF ETERNAL MERCY
CAN KEEP THEIR LITTLE PLAYGROUND...
OH, THAT'S GOOD.
A MILLION?
OH, GOD. WHY DOES THE WORLD HAVE TO BE SO MISERABLE?
THAT COFFEE'S FROM YESTERDAY.
(mouth full) OH! DAISY!
AND YOUR DAD CALLED...
AGAIN.
WELL, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THAT.
LOOK, DAISY, JUST CALL HIM
AND TELL HIM I'M SORRY, BUT I'M TOO BUSY, I REALLY AM.
AND THEN TWO WEEKS AGO, MY FATHER'S PLANE CRASHED
AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.
IS EVERYONE HERE FOR GRANDPA'S FUNERAL?
(Nick) YEAH, THEY SURE ARE.
YEAH, IT IS.
(Nick) EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, OFFICER?
OFFICER, CAN WE, UH, CAN WE GET THROUGH HERE?
I'M SORRY, WHO ARE YOU-- JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE OR K-FED?
NO, IT'S MY FATHER'S FUNERAL.
OH.
IT'S EVERYBODY'S FATHER'S FUNERAL TODAY.
(Nick) YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
(crowd screaming)
(horns honking)
(cheering)
GOD, HERE THEY COME.
(screaming continues)
DADDY, WHO? WHO IS IT?
IT'S GRANDPA'S FRIENDS, HONEY. IT'S THE DARLINGS.
♪♪♪
(woman screams)
(crowd cheering and applauding)
(camera shutter snaps)
TRIPP!
OH, MY GOD, I WANNA DIE.
TISH, YOU CAN DO THIS, SWEETHEART.
(camera shutter snaps)
(man) HEY, FREDDY! FREDDY!
HOW'S IT FEEL TO LEAVE THE PGA TO BE MR. KAREN DARLING?
(camera shutter clicks)
(man) MARRY ME, KAREN!
(woman) WHEN WILL YOU FORMALLY ANNOUNCE
YOUR CANDIDACY FOR THE SENATE?
(man speaks indistinctly)
PLEASE, FOLKS, NO POLITICS. IT'S A SAD DAY.
SAD DAY FOR EVERYBODY.
(man) JULIET!
(man) JULIET!
(woman) JULIET!
(man) JULIET! JULIET!
(woman) JULIET, OVER HERE!
HOW ARE REHEARSALS GOING FOR "WAIT UNTIL DARK"?
OH, THEY'RE GOING REALLY GOOD. UM...
I NEVER WANT TO BE BLIND,
BUT PLAYING BLIND IS REALLY FUN! (laughs)
(camera shutter clicks)
HOW'S IT GOING? GOOD TO SEE YA. YEAH!
(scoffs) WELL, YOU'RE POOR!
JULIET, IS IT TRUE
EW.
OH! WHEN DID YOU GET BACK FROM TAHITI?
UH, 30 MINUTES AND 6 DOUBLE ESPRESSOS AGO.
KELLY SLATER SAYS HI.
KELLY. HI!
(man) WHAT'S YOUR REACTION
TO THE STORIES ABOUT YOU IN THE TABLOIDS?
LISTEN, I SPEND ENOUGH OF MY TIME
DEALING WITH REPUTABLE MEDIA, OKAY?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO RIDE MY BIKE AND FLY-FISH.
HE HELPED ME PASS THE NEW YORK BAR.
HE WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST OUR LAWYER.
PATRICK.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
NICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?
OFFICER, HE'S WITH US.
SPECIAL.
(all shouting at once)
I'M FINE.
YEAH?
(quietly) I'M VERY SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
THANK YOU.
I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
THANK YOU.
AND EVEN IF YOUR DAD DID INSERT HIMSELF
A LITTLE TOO MUCH INTO OUR FAMILY.
BUT HE FELT THAT'S WHAT HIS JOB WAS, RIGHT?
TO INSINUATE HIMSELF INTO EVERYTHING
SO THAT HE COULD SUCK AS MUCH MONEY OUT OF US AS POSSIBLE?
YOU KNOW, BRIAN, KIKI'S RIGHT HERE.
I'M SORRY, NICK. YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S NOT FIGHT.
(whispers) I HATE YOU.
(camera shutter clicks)
I'M SORRY GRANDPA'S DEAD.
PLEASE, GOD,
DONE.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WHY ARE YOU HAVING A DRINK WITH TRIPP DARLING?
YOU TOLD ME WE'D NEVER HAVE TO SEE THESE PEOPLE AGAIN.
WELL, HE WANTS TO START
THIS CHARITABLE FUND IN DAD'S NAME.
I'M GONNA DO THE PAPERWORK FOR HIM, AND THEN WE'RE DONE.
OKAY?
I PROMISE.
OKAY.
DON'T TURN INTO A PUMPKIN.
MMM.
I'M NOT GONNA TURN INTO ANYTHING.
(Brian) WHY THE HELL IS NICK GEORGE COMING OVER?
THIS IS THE WORST IDEA IN THE HISTORY
OF THE WESTERN WORLD.
WELL, I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MELODRAMATIC, BRIAN.
NICK GEORGE SHOULD NOT BE OUR FAMILY LAWYER,
PURE AND SIMPLE.
IT'S WHAT DAD WANTS, BRIAN.
AND BESIDES, NICK GREW UP WITH US.
NO, NICK DIDN'T GROW UP WITH US, PAT.
HE WAS THE OFFSPRING OF AN EMPLOYEE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD LET
MARIA'S LITTLE PANCHITO MANAGE YOUR CAMPAIGN.
WE ALL KNOW HOW DAD FEELS.
HE LOVES NICK GEORGE, BUT HE'S WRONG.
SINCE WHEN IS LOVING SOMEONE EVER WRONG?
NICK'S WET. HE'S THE BROTHER I ALWAYS WANTED.
HEY... IGNATZ.
OTHER--OTHER BROTHER. OTHER BROTHER.
JEREMY, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
GET MIDAS OFF THE COUCH.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
IS WHY WE DON'T JUST LET THE MARKET WORK.
FREDDY, YOU'RE NOT A PART OF THIS FAMILY YET,
(Patrick) WHAT HE'S SAYING
IS THAT WE SHOULD SHOP AROUND, WHICH I THINK IS A HUGE MISTAKE,
BY THE WAY.
LOOK, YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE HAD AN EXTENSIVE CONVERSATION--
BUT THERE ARE BETTER LAWYERS THAN NICK GEORGE
WHO WOULD DO A LOT MORE FOR US FOR A LOT LESS MONEY,
AND WHO WOULDN'T BRING THIS MASSIVE ATTITUDE OF ENTITLEMENT
TO THE TABLE.
KAREN, YOU'RE DRUNK AND IN LOVE WITH HIM,
HEY!
I HAVE HAD A SCOTCH, OKAY? ONE.
NICK GEORGE IS JUST LIKE HIS DAD.
HE'S A GLORIFIED PARASITE.
I WANT A FRESH START AS MUCH AS ANYBODY.
BUT NICK IS YOUR FATHER'S CHOICE.
AND THAT'S THAT.
IS THAT THE '90?
GIVE THAT A TRY.
IT'S A LITTLE VINEYARD WE JUST BOUGHT IN BORDEAUX.
YOU STILL TAKE AN INTEREST?
I DO. I DON'T GET TO TASTE THINGS LIKE THIS TOO OFTEN.
NOT IN MY LINE OF WORK, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, WELL...
MAYBE YOUR LINE OF WORK IS ABOUT TO CHANGE, HUH?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
I NEED YOUR HELP, NICKY.
WITH WHAT?
WITH THE FAMILY. YOU KNOW, DAILY AFFAIRS.
SINCE YOUR DAD'S GONE-- WHEW--
THE PAPERWORK ALONE'S EATING ME ALIVE.
TRIPP, CERTAINLY THERE ARE BETTER EQUIPPED LAWYERS THAN ME
TO DEAL WITH THE FAMILY AFFAIRS.
YEAH, I KNOW.
AND I CONTEMPLATED BRINGING SOME HOTSHOT IN
TO TAKE THE REINS.
NO ONE SEEMS RIGHT.
I CONSIDERED JOHNNIE COCHRAN.
HE'S DEAD, TRIPP.
YEAH, I KNOW. I FOUND OUT. (laughs)
(laughs)
HE WAS A BIT OF A GRANDSTANDER ANYWAY.
LOUDMOUTH.
BILL CLINTON?
YOU ASKED BILL CLINTON IF HE WANTED TO REPRESENT THE FAMILY?
TOOK MY SHOT. I MEAN, YOU KNOW ME, NICKY.
THE THING IS,
WHEN I REALLY STOPPED AND THOUGHT ABOUT IT...
YOU'RE THE GUY.
OH, GOD.
YOU KNOW US, NICKY. YOU'RE THE GUY.
I'M FLATTERED, TRIPP, BUT...
WHAT PATRICK SAID AT THE FUNERAL THE OTHER DAY IS TRUE.
I REALLY DID HAVE TO SHARE DAD
WITH YOU GUYS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
I WON'T DO THAT TO MY WIFE,
AND I CERTAINLY WON'T DO THAT TO MY DAUGHTER.
I DO.
SO DID DUTCH, AND LOOK AT YOU, NICKY.
YOU'RE A SUCCESSFUL LAWYER.
YOU'RE A FAMILY MAN.
AND BEST OF ALL, YOU'VE GOT A MORAL CENTER.
SO YOU TELL ME WHO DID WRONG.
IF I HAD ONE KID LIKE YOU, I'D BE LUCKY.
I DON'T.
TRIPP, I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD FIT.
I'M GONNA PUT MY NUTS ON THE TABLE.
OKAY, IF YOU HAVE TO.
I'LL GIVE YOU $5 MILLION A YEAR--
ON TOP OF WHAT I PAY YOU--
TO DO ALL YOUR GOOD WORKS AROUND TOWN,
ALL YOUR LITTLE CHARITABLE PROJECTS.
YOU--YOU KEEP YOUR PRACTICE, KEEP EVERYBODY ON SALARY,
KEEP EVERYTHING AS IS.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
BECAUSE...
I MISS YOUR DAD.
I MISS HAVING THAT SOLID CITIZEN BY MY SIDE
TO TELL ME WHICH WAY IS UP.
AND I TRUST YA.
I'D HAVE TO DO IT MY OWN WAY.
HEY, WHAT MAN WOULDN'T?
I'D HAVE TO KEEP REGULAR HOURS.
YOU KEEP WHATEVER HOURS YOU WANT.
HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO
NO ONE FORCES YOUR HAND, NICKY.
AND I'D NEVER LIE FOR THE FAMILY.
WE WOULD NEVER ASK YOU TO.
$10 MILLION.
DONE.
(woman) THANK YOU FOR AN AMAZING NIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU JUST TOOK ME TO A $500 DINNER.
AND YOU BOUGHT THESE TICKETS TO A.B.T.
LAST TIME I CHECKED, YOU'RE A LAWYER
WHO BASICALLY WORKS FOR FREE.
WHAT?
LISA, LISA, THIS IS A GOOD THING. IT'S A GOOD THING.
ARE YOU SURE?
YES, THIS IS A REALLY...
REALLY GOOD THING.
TRIPP IS GIVING ME $10 MILLION A YEAR
TO START A CHARITABLE FOUNDATION IN DAD'S NAME,
ON TOP OF MY SALARY,
WHICH IS GONNA BE PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.
HE'S GIVING YOU $10 MILLION A YEAR TO JUST GIVE AWAY?
YEAH.
(laughs)
(laughs)
I DON'T KNOW. I-I--
ARE YOU SURE YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. LISA, LISA, LISA, I AM NOT MY DAD.
I KNOW THAT, BUT IF YOU'RE TAKING THE JOB
TO PROVE THAT YOU KNOW IT,
THAT'S NOT THE REASON I'M DOING THIS.
THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.
OKAY?
AND I'M GONNA DO IT MY WAY.
I LIKE THE WAY YOU DO THINGS.
YEAH.
YEAH.
MM.
SO, UH, I GUESS THAT COULD WORK.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH?
(ringtone playing)
(hip-hop music playing)
(man) Hey, Nick. It's me.
ME WHO?
JEREMY. JEREMY DARLING.
IT'S--IT'S JEREMY DARLING.
OH, MY GOD.
No. I'm--I'm playing poker
OVER AT-- OVER AT ETHAN HAWKE'S PLACE.
I JUST WON A YACHT.
YEAH, WELL, WINNING'S A GREAT FEELING, JEREMY, BUT LISTEN--
IT'S WET. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S TOTALLY WET.
UH, JEREMY, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU NEED,
BESIDES MAYBE SOME TOILET PAPER?
WELL, THIS GUY FRANCOIS I WON IT FROM,
HE SAYS THAT THE TITLE IS ON THE YACHT
AT CHELSEA PIERS
IN--IN THE GALLEY, AND I CAN JUST TAKE IT.
IS IT REALLY THAT SIMPLE?
NO, NO, NO. IT'S--IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
France, probably?
OR GERMANY? I DON'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHY-- THIS IS WHY I NEED HELP, NICK.
WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?
UM, HEY, LISTEN, HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO.
You have to get the title and bring it to my office
LATER TODAY, AND WE'LL MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
THANK YOU, NICK. YOU'RE THE WETTEST!
(chuckles)
(Nick) DAISY.
CAN YOU PUT THE FAMILY'S PHONE NUMBERS
INTO THIS THING FOR ME, PLEASE?
AND DON'T LET ME FORGET,
I'M PICKING UP KIKI AFTER SCHOOL.
HEY, I AM SORRY I'M LATE.
I GOT TRAPPED ON A PHONE CALL WITH YOUR BROTHER BRIAN.
OH, I'M SORRY, NICK. WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?
OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW.
HE WANTED MY HELP
GETTING SOME PARISHIONER'S KID INTO THE MAPLE GROVE ACADEMY?
NOT MY JOB.
NICK DEFLOWERED ME. (chuckles)
AH.
REALLY? THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT? NICK, IT'S JUST THE TRUTH.
YEP, HERE IT IS.
$10 MILLION FROM THE DARLING FAMILY FOUNDATION
WELL, ACTUALLY,
BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER, I'M GONNA USE $1 MILLION OF IT
TO SAVE A PLAYGROUND FOR SOME ORPHANS.
OH, ORPHANS!
NICK USED TO READ ME POETRY OUT LOUD. IT WAS SO SWEET.
KAREN, I REALLY--
KAREN, I THINK FREDDY--
I DID. INSTEAD I MARRIED THREE--
WELL, IT'S GONNA BE FOUR OTHER PEOPLE.
(laughs) IT'S WEIRD. WEIRD, ISN'T IT?
LIFE'S SO WEIRD.
SO I HAVE YOUR PRENUPS HERE FOR YOU TO SIGN...
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, LET'S DO THAT.
(singsongy voice) THIS IS SO EXCITING.
WELL, I HOPE YOU TWO ENJOY BEING TO--
ARE YOU COMING
TO MOMMY AND DADDY'S ANNIVERSARY PARTY TONIGHT?
YEAH, WITH, UH, WITH LISA, MY WIFE.
UH, WE'LL BOTH BE THERE.
BYE.
BYE.
SHE'S, UH, STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU, HUH?
SHE'S IN LOVE WITH EVERYBODY.
OH, UH, HERE'S YOUR PHONE, ARMED AND READY.
THANK YOU.
("Hallelujah Chorus from 'Messiah'" ringtone playing)
NICE.
BRIAN, I TOLD YOU,
I AM NOT GOING TO THE MAPLE GROVE ACADEMY.
I'LL GIVE YOU $40,000, JUST LET HIM IN.
THIS IS AN ACADEMIC INSTITUTION, REVEREND,
DON'T LECTURE ME, BOZO,
OR I'LL HAVE SOMEBODY COME UP HERE AND BEAT YOU UP.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
THIS IS NICK GEORGE, OUR FAMILY LAWYER.
YOU BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS, OR ELSE--
OR ELSE YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING
AND FIND YOUR TIRES SLASHED OR SOMETHING.
IT WON'T BE GOOD. I PROMISE.
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING?
I HAVE TO GO DO A BAPTISM.
(clears throat) MR. GEORGE, I'LL BE FRANK.
IF THE CHILD WAS LEGALLY A DARLING,
THERE WOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM HERE.
HE COULD COME TO MAPLE GROVE FOR FREE.
I MEAN AS LONG AS THE REVEREND DARLING
REFUSES TO CLAIM THE BOY AS HIS SON,
THERE IS NO PLACE FOR HIM HERE AT MAPLE GROVE.
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE. THIS KID IS BRIAN'S?
(Daryl Hall & John Oates) ♪ YOU'RE A RICH GIRL ♪
UH, PARDON ME ONE SECOND.
HEY, JULIET, WHAT'S UP?
IF AM SO TERRIBLE, DUNCAN McDOORKNOB,
THEN WHY DID YOU CAST ME?
BECAUSE YOUR DAD'S FINANCING THE WHOLE PRODUCTION.
OF COURSE. YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN ACT, DO YA?
I MEAN HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE LOOKS ON EVERYONE'S MUGS
WHEN YOU SQUEAK AND SQUAWK YOUR WAY THROUGH YOUR LINES,
YOU DIRTY, WEE TWIG, OR ARE YOU BLIND AS WELL?
YOU'RE A NIGHTMARE!
BUT DADDY SAID HE WASN'T GONNA DO THAT ANYMORE.
JULIET, THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS...
TO EARN THE PART.
WHAT, UH, EXACTLY WENT WRONG HERE?
SHE STEPPED ON THE STAGE, THAT'S WHAT WENT WRONG.
SHE COULDN'T ACT HER WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG, MATE,
LET ALONE A PLAY.
SHE'S, UH...
SE'S NOT GOOD.
("Born to be Wild" ringtone playing)
GOD HELP ME.
HELLO?
I WON IT IN A FRIGGIN' POKER GAME, DUDE.
THEY CAME WITH THE BOAT.
YEAH, BUT LOOK, OFFICER,
HE JUST WROTE HIS NAME IN, JUST NOW, IN CRAYON.
I DON'T CARE IF HE DREW IT WITH HIS LITTLE PEE-PEE
LOOK, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE GUYS.
IT'S TRUE! I'VE NEVER MET THOSE GUYS BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
RIGHT, GUYS?
(men) OKAY, CAPTAIN JEREMY. CAPTAIN JEREMY, OKAY.
DID YOU TEACH 'EM HOW TO DO THAT?
I WAS JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.
(officer) GET HIM OUTTA HERE.
YOU GOTTA BAIL ME OUT, NICK.
IF I MISS MOM AND DAD'S ANNIVERSARY PARTY TONIGHT,
BE RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT THERE.
LOOK, I DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA--
(ringtone playing)
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY DAUGHTER!
YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
I KNOW.
AND HE HAS GONE OUT OF HIS WAY TO GIVE YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY.
BUT I DON'T WANT IT.
(groans)
IT MAKES ME FEEL SO STUPID AND LAME
TO HAVE EVERYTHING TAKEN CARE OF ALL THE TIME.
I WANT TO BE A HUMAN BEING.
AND SOMEDAY YOU'LL BE ONE.
(scoffs)
SOMEDAY YOU'LL WALK OUT OF THIS HOUSE
(scoffs)
ON YOUR OWN, FREE.
BUT NOT TODAY.
(whimpers)
OH, I HATE THAT THING.
OH, AS A FAVOR TO YOUR FATHER AND ME
ON OUR ANNIVERSARY,
NO EXTRAVAGANT GESTURES OF, UH, PROTEST.
(sighs)
TOUT A L'HEURE.
TOUT A L'HEURE.
(burps)
JEREMY, DID YOUR BROTHER PATRICK USE HIS INFLUENCE
AS ATTORNEY GENERAL TO GET YOU RELEASED?
ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO THIS ANYMORE?
ARE YOU GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH KYLIE MINOGUE?
IS GONNA BE FOUND INNOCENT OF ALL CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST HIM.
SO THERE'S NO STORY HERE. PLEASE EXCUSE US.
IS IT TRUE YOU WON THE YACHT IN A POKER GAME, JEREMY?
JEREMY, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SMUGGLING PEOPLE
I DON'T KNOW--
(woman) IS IT TRUE YOU WERE PLANNING
TO HARVEST THEIR ORGANS?
YOU KNOW, THAT IS JUST DUMB. WHY SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
(Peter Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" playing)
DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.
HE'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU.
THEN HE'LL HAVE ME KILLED.
CAN YOU JUST GIVE US A MINUTE, PLEASE?
I'LL TALK TO HIM. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
IT'S NOT GONNA DO ANY GOOD, ALL RIGHT?
HE THINKS I'M A LOSER, AND HE'S RIGHT.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I CAN'T EVEN WIN A YACHT WITHOUT GETTING ARRESTED.
JEREMY.
JEREMY, SHUT UP.
YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOU'RE EVER GONNA NEED.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE TO WORK A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.
30,000 PEOPLE DIE OF STARVATION EVERY DAY.
YEAH, BUT OUT OF 7 BILLION PEOPLE--
LOOK, THE POINT IS THAT LIFE FOR MOST PEOPLE IS A LIVING HELL.
SO YOUR LIFE IS NOT THE WORST LIFE IN THE WORLD
BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION, ANY.
♪ AND WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OLD FOLKS ♪
WHAT?
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
♪ AND WE DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR OWN FAULTS ♪
GIVE THAT TO KIKI. TELL HER I'M SORRY I MADE YOU LATE.
MY COKE DEALER.
(children) HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
(applause)
(playing instrumental music)
(Nick whispering) I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
(normal voice) HI.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
SORRY ABOUT KIKI.
IT'S OKAY. I GOT HER.
THIS PARTY IS AMAZING.
THESE GUYS ARE FROM THE PHILHARMONIC,
AND SOMEONE SAID
THAT JOSH GROBAN MIGHT BE SINGING LATER.
YEAH, WELL, THIS IS WHAT THESE GUYS DO BEST.
YOU KNOW, THEY SPEND MONEY.
YEAH, UH, THE WEDDING HAS TO BE THE 18th,
BECAUSE, UH, NICK'S PLAYING IN THE U.S. OPEN,
(clears throat) FREDDY.
YOU SAID "NICK." I'M FREDDY.
I'M THE ONE PLAYING IN THE OPEN.
(music continues)
THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S THE ONE. HE'S-- HE'S PLAYING IN THE U.S. OPEN.
(playing discordant notes)
(speaking foreign language)
WE'LL TAKE THEM HOME THEN.
HAVE YOU SEEN JULIET?
COME ON. PUT ON SOMETHING NICE BEFORE MOM SEES YOU.
BRIAN, THIS SHIRT COST 1,000 BUCKS, OKAY? CHILL.
HEY, NO FUN.
AND TRIPP HAD DOUG HENNING
FLOWN IN FROM VEGAS.
(laughs)
OH, THERE WERE HOT AIR BALLOON RIDES, PONIES--
YOU KNOW, TYPICAL BIRTHDAY PARTY.
BUT WHEN IT CAME TIME TO LEAVE,
WE COULDN'T FIND NICKY. HE'D VANISHED.
FOR TWO HOURS, WE SEARCHED FOR HIM.
WHERE WAS HE?
IN THE WINE CELLAR.
HE WAS DOWN THERE SOBBING,
DIDN'T WANT TO GO HOME.
BUT DUTCH... WAS SO GOOD WITH YOU THAT NIGHT...
THE WAY HE CARRIED YOU TO THE CAR.
HE WAS SO...
SO TENDER.
IT'S OKAY, TISH.
NO, NO, IT'S NOT.
I MEAN, HOW MANY MEN DO WE KNOW TODAY, REALLY,
WHO COULD RAISE A CHILD LIKE THAT ALL ALONE
AND DO IT SO WELL?
(sighs)
SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THE WHOLE COSMOS IS IN A STATE OF DECAY.
IT'S STILL A LITTLE TOUGH AROUND HERE.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE, ACTUALLY, WHAT MOM JUST SAID
ABOUT THE COSMOS.
I MEAN, SPACE IS FRIGGIN'-- IT'S COMING APART.
(sighs)
TRUE STORY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
(music continues)
(mutters)
JEREMY. (chuckles)
LESS THAN--
HAVE YOU SEEN JULIET?
MNH-MNH.
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
I'M SORRY.
SORRY? I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE A THING FOR THIS GUY?
WHAT?
NO. I--HE'S TAKEN.
NICK--NICK IS MY PAST.
MM-HMM.
AND YOU, BUDDY, YOU'RE MY FUTURE, OKAY?
THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
OH, I WANTED TO TELL YOU. I MET ONE OF THE KENNEDYS EARLIER.
OH, JEEZ, I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE,
BUT HE OWNS A PRIVATE COURSE OUTSIDE OF GLASGOW,
OH, YEAH?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, AND SO I TOLD HIM WE COULD TAKE
THE FAMILY JET NEXT WEEK.
IS, UH, IS THAT COOL?
OF COURSE.
SO WORD'S OUT YOU'RE HEADED FOR THE SENATE, PAT.
(laughs)
REALLY? YOU KNOW, THAT'S NEWS TO ME, DAN.
SO YOU WON'T BE RUNNING?
READY TO PUT THAT ON THE RECORD?
LET'S JUST SAY I'M HAPPY BEING ATTORNEY GENERAL,
AND AS YOU KNOW, I WOULD MISS NEW YORK SO MUCH.
AFTER ALL, IT IS THE GREAT AMERICAN CITY, RIGHT?
EXCUSE ME. THERE'S A WOMAN TO SEE YOU.
(music continues)
IF, UH, YOU'LL EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT.
OF COURSE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SO HE IS RUNNING, ISN'T HE?
HE DOESN'T HAVE A CHOICE. (laughs)
I'VE GOT IT, DOVER. THANK YOU.
(man) YES, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I MISSED YOU.
YOU HAVEN'T CALLED.
IT'S... NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO BE HERE.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
THEN DISAPPEAR FOR WEEKS AT A TIME.
PLEASE, DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE, HONEY, OKAY?
DON'T BE MAD.
JUST DO ME A FAVOR. GO TO THE ASHLEY SQUARE, GET A ROOM.
OH, YES, YOU WILL.
(whispers) GO.
(glass tinkles)
IT MAKES ME SO SAD
THAT IT ALL HAS TO END SOMEDAY,
THIS--THIS PAGEANT,
THIS BEAUTIFUL... BEAUTIFUL ADVENTURE.
YOU TRULY ARE,
IN FLESH AND BLOOD,
THE GREAT...
GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE.
AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT.
I LOVE YOU.
(cheering)
HEY.
THIS YEAR, IT WAS, UH, ME AND JULIET'S TURN
TO PICK OUT THE GIFT FROM THE CHILDREN,
SO, UH, IN HONOR OF THE DAY THAT YOU TWO FIRST MET
AT THE SARATOGA RACECOURSE...
GO AHEAD, LEOPOLD.
(horse whinnies)
OH, MY GOD.
I GUESS. SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND, UH, TONIGHT HE'S RIDDEN BY SARATOGA'S VERY OWN--
TOMMY CRENSHAW!
BRAVO! BRAVO!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
BABY.
(Letitia) OH, I LOVE YOU.
(applause continues)
(glass tinkles)
(applause continues)
(Tripp) JULIET? WHERE IS SHE?
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, JEREMY.
NOW GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE
BEFORE IT DOES SOMETHING UNSEEMLY, ALL RIGHT?
(horse whinnies)
OKAY, HEAD 'EM UP, MOVE 'EM OUT.
(applause continues)
NICK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR PATRICK.
HE SENT ME THIS THING, AND I...
YOU OKAY?
(crying) YEAH, I'M FINE.
(sniffles)
I'M FINE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
IT'S FREDDY AND ME.
I DON'T KNOW, NICK. I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST... I PICK THESE GUYS.
IT'S SO HARD.
SEEMS BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE.
OH, YEAH.
ALL THEY SEE IS THE MONEY, NICK.
ALL THEY SEE IS-- IS MY NAME AND MY MONEY,
AND NOBODY-- NOBODY SEES ME.
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THAT'S TRUE
BECAUSE YOU WOULD NEVER BE THAT WAY.
I THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY I EVER DATED
WHO ACTUALLY REALLY SAW... ME,
YOU KNOW, JUST... JUST ME.
KAREN, LISTEN,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND FREDDY,
AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MARRY THIS GUY, DON'T.
LIFE IS SHORT.
AND YOU, UH...
AND YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED.
YOU'RE SWEET.
YOU'RE SO SWEET.
YEAH.
UH...
PATRICK'S LOOKING FOR YOU.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
(sighs)
DAMN IT.
UH, EXCUSE ME. DID MY WIFE JUST COME BY HERE?
SHORT HAIR, BLACK GOWN, PISSED?
WHAT HAPPENED AT MAPLE GROVE?
BRIAN, I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.
OH, BUT YOU CAN SHOW UP HERE LIKE YOU BELONG?
YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK, NICK. ANSWER MY QUESTION.
OKAY, OKAY. IF YOU'LL ADMIT THE KID IS YOURS, BRIAN,
IF YOU'RE WILLING TO STICK YOUR FAMILY'S PROUD NAME ON HIM,
THEN HE CAN GO TO MAPLE GROVE.
IF NOT, THE LITTLE ***'S OUT OF LUCK.
YEAH, GO AHEAD. RUN AWAY.
(scoffs) YOU KNOW, YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR STUPID DAD.
YOU STAND AROUND ALL DAY WITH YOUR HAND OUT,
TAKING OUR MONEY,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TIME TO ACTUALLY GETTING THINGS DONE,
YOU'RE WORTHLESS!
I HATE YOU.
(grunts)
OW!
GET OFF ME!
OW!
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?
SHUT UP!
GET A DOCTOR!
(Tripp) WHAT'S THE MATTER?
IT'S JULIET! GET A DOCTOR!
HERE WE GO.
LOOKS LIKE SHE TOOK SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 10 AND 20,
BUT SHE EXPELLED QUITE A FEW OF THEM
INTO HER PILLOW.
I THINK SHE'LL BE FINE, TRIPP. SHE JUST NEEDS SOME REST.
THANKS, DOC.
YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHY SHE'D DO THIS, NICK, ANY CLUE?
SHE KNOWS YOU BOUGHT HER THE PART.
OH, WELL, GUESS WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE
A LITTLE MORE TRICKY ABOUT HOW WE LAY
THE TRAIN TRACKS AHEAD OF HER, HUH,
OUT IN THE WORLD?
WHAT?
SPEAK, NICK. I'M ALL EARS.
I QUIT.
TOUGH DAY, HUH?
I'M SERIOUS. THIS ISN'T ME, TRIPP,
THIS JOB.
I'M SORRY. I GOTTA GO.
(horn honks)
(honking)
(whistles) NICK.
OH.
NICKY.
LOOK, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, PAT. I'M SORRY.
YEAH.
YEAH, I DID. "CODE PINK"? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
COME ON. GET IN. I'LL TELL YOU.
NO, PAT. I JUST TOLD YOUR DAD I QUIT. SORRY.
NICK, PLEASE. IT'S LIFE AND DEATH.
(sighs)
JUST GO UP TO THE ROOM
AND EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT'S OVER.
HER?
YEAH.
NO, YOU DO IT. HE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND--
SHE.
I CAN'T, NICK. I TRIED. SHE GETS SO EMOTIONAL.
IT--IT KILLS ME.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU NEVER ASKED MY DAD
TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
A FEW TIMES. S-SEVEN.
WELL, I'M NOT DOING IT FOR YOU.
OH, NICKY, PLEASE, PLEASE. YOU GOTTA DO IT. PLEASE.
AND HEY, COULD YOU GIVE HER THIS CHECK FOR ME?
NO, I'M NOT GONNA GO INTO A HOTEL
AND GIVE A TRANNY *** A CHECK.
SHE'S NOT A ***.
(sighs)
YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO DIRTY, NICK.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL IS IT, PAT, IF IT'S NOT DIRTY?
LOOK, THAT'S--STOP THE CAR.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. DON'T STOP THE CAR. OKAY?
WAIT, WHERE--WHERE YOU GOING? WHOA, NICK. HEY, HEY!
HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. COME HERE. PLEASE.
COME ON, MAN. I-I-I REALLY-- I REALLY CAN'T DO IT.
PATRICK, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE A UNITED STATES SENATOR.
YOU'RE GONNA OCCUPY
ONE OF THE HIGHEST OFFICES IN THE LAND.
DON'T YOU, AS A FUTURE U.S. SENATOR,
AT LEAST HAVE TO HAVE ENOUGH COURAGE,
ENOUGH INTEGRITY,
TO WALK INTO A HOTEL ROOM ON YOUR OWN
SHE'S NOT A ***.
I KNOW SHE'S NOT A ***, OKAY?
BUT IS SHE MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU ARE?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OKAY. THANKS, NICK.
THE ASHLEY SQUARE.
LET'S GO, BABY.
AND JUST FOR THE RECORD, THAT WAS NOT LIFE AND DEATH!
(Lisa) I KNOW YOU TWO HAD A THING ONCE.
SO WHAT WAS IT, NICK?
SHE WAS UPSET ABOUT FREDDY,
AND I-I SAID SOME THINGS TO BE NICE, AND SHE WAS JUST--
IT LOOKED LIKE A LOT MORE THAN FRIENDLY TO ME.
THAT MEANS A LOT!
YOU KNOW, AND ANYWAY, I TOLD YOU, I QUIT.
("Pretty Woman" ringtone playing)
WHO'S THAT? WHOSE RING IS THAT?
(ringtone continues)
IT'S...
IT'S KAREN'S.
(laughs)
LOOK, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
IT'S DAISY'S IDEA OF A JOKE, OKAY?
AND IT'S... ODDLY HELPFUL.
(ringtone continues)
(ringtone stops)
(clears throat)
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
(telephone rings)
(sighs)
(ring)
(beep)
KAREN, DO NOT CALL ME ON THE HOME PHONE NUMBER.
(Karen) We have to talk, Nick. It's about your dad.
(Karen) FREDDY ASKED ME FOR $100,000
AT THE PARTY TONIGHT
TO JOIN SOME GOLF CLUB.
DON'T. PLEASE, I KNOW.
SO I WENT UP TO THE OFFICE TO WRITE A CHECK,
AND WHEN I GOT THERE, I FOUND A NEW REQUISITION ON MY DESK.
YEAH, FROM WHO?
BRIAN.
THE LAST GIFT BRIAN REQUISITIONED
FROM THE FOUNDATION
WAS FOR A MAN NAMED NORMAN EXLEY.
WELL, WHO'S THAT?
BRIAN SAID HE WAS JUST SOME GUY WHO WAS DOWN ON HIS LUCK
AND CAME INTO THE CHURCH.
HE WANTED TO SETTLE SOME DEBTS,
SO I SENT HIM A CHECK FOR $10,000 3 MONTHS AGO.
AND NOW HE'S ASKING FOR MORE?
YEAH, ONLY THIS TIME IT'S FOR $90,000 AND...
WHAT?
NICK, HE'S AN AIRPLANE MECHANIC.
KAREN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?
I DON'T KN--I DON'T KNOW.
BRIAN... WELL, HE NEVER WAS VERY HAPPY ABOUT THE AFFAIR.
WHAT AFFAIR?
THE ONE YOUR DAD AND MY MOM HAD
FOR THE PAST 40 YEARS.
OH, GOD. NICK...
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.
(Nick) TWO DAYS LATER,
MY FATHER'S PLANE WAS FINALLY RECOVERED
FROM THE BOTTOM OF LONG ISLAND SOUND...
WITHOUT HIM IN IT.
IT COULD'VE BEEN EXPLOSIVES.
COULD'VE BEEN?
LOOK, THAT PLANE'S BEEN BOUNCING AROUND THE OCEAN FLOOR
FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS NOW.
THAT'S WHY THERE'S NO BODY IN IT,
THAT'S WHY THERE'S NO REAL PROOF.
I'M SORRY.
I'D BE HAPPY TO GET A WARRANT FOR EXLEY, SEE WHERE IT LEADS.
BUT THE D.A. IS PROBABLY GONNA WANT TO KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GETTING YOUR INFORMATION FROM.
I'LL BE IN TOUCH. THANK YOU.
HEY, MR. GEORGE.
THERE WAS A WATERTIGHT LOCKBOX ON THE PLANE.
FOUND THIS IN THERE.
PERSONAL EFFECTS.
THANK YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, TRIPP?
KAREN CALLED ME.
I GOT CONCERNED.
WELL, THERE'S, UH...
A LOT TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT, I GUESS.
MAYBE.
MIGHT ALL AMOUNT TO NOTHING, THOUGH.
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, YOU--
YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS,
AND... AND THERE AREN'T ANY.
EITHER WAY...
OH, GOD.
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
A HELL OF A WAY TO LOSE HIM.
YEAH.
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, NICKY,
WE'RE ON YOUR SIDE,
WHETHER YOU'RE WORKING FOR US OR NOT.
IS THAT YOU'RE WAY OF ASKING
IF I STILL WANT TO WORK FOR YOU OR NOT, TRIPP?
OH, YOU KNOW ME.
I CAN'T HELP PUTTING IT OUT THERE.
I THOUGHT HE TOOK THAT WITH HIM.
WELL, HE DID. IT WAS IN A-- IN A WATERPROOF BOX.
OH.
(laughs)
OKAY.
LISTEN, I GOTTA GO. MY FAMILY'S WAITING.
OH, YOU T-TAKE THE HELICOPTER.
I MEAN, TRAFFIC'S DEMONIC.
YOU'LL NEVER GET THERE.
CALL YOUR CAR SERVICE, TELL 'EM TO GO HOME.
I WANT TO STAY HERE FOR A MINUTE.
THE POLICE WILL TAKE ME BACK. TAKE THE HELICOPTER.
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
GOOD.
I LOVE YOU, NICKY.
SO...
IS THE LOVE OF MONEY REALLY THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL?
OR IS IT SOMETHING ELSE?
VáMANOS!
IS IT THE LOVE OF FREEDOM...
CUPCAKE, WAIT A SECOND.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I ONLY GET ONE LIFE, AND I HAVE TO MAKE IT MINE.
SOMEDAY IS TODAY.
LET HER GO.
SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. GO FOR IT, KIDDO.
OH.
MM.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
MM.
THE LOVE OF FAME?
NO, SERIOUSLY, ETHAN,
YOU SHOULD COME DOWN AND CHECK IT OUT.
WELL, BECAUSE I VALUE YOUR OPINION.
I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THIS THING
BEFORE MY DAD MAKES ME SELL IT.
HEY, WE--WE SHOULD HIT THE BAHAMAS, MAYBE?
BUT I-I GOT TO GET BACK, THOUGH, BEFORE I GO TO SPACE CAMP.
ETHAN?
DUDE?
IS IT THE LOVE OF VIRTUE...
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY, YOU IDIOT!
I WANT OUR SON TO GO TO THE SCHOOL THAT HE WOULD GO TO
IF WE WERE TOGETHER!
WELL, THEY WON'T TAKE HIM AT THE SCHOOL IF HE'S NOT MINE.
FINE, THEN HE'S YOURS.
CONGRATULATIONS, BABY, YOU'RE ROYALTY.
ANDREA.
WAIT, I CAN'T JUST BRING HIM HOME TO MY WIFE AND KIDS.
THE LOVE OF VICE?
(crying) PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, PATTY.
I'LL DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE. I KNOW IT.
(sobs)
IT'S OKAY.
I'M HERE.
IS IT THE LOVE OF ROMANCE?
THEY'RE GONNA MAKE A WHOLE LINE
OF KIDS' GOLF VIDEOS TO START.
AND IF THAT GOES REALLY WELL,
THEY'RE GONNA DO THE SAME THING, ONLY IN JAPANESE.
AND I'M GONNA BE THE SPOKESPERSON,
KINDA, YOU KNOW, THE--THE FACE OF THE WHOLE THING.
IT'LL JUST COST $1 MILLION UP FRONT TO START.
IT'S A GOOD IDEA, RIGHT? HMM?
YES. YEAH, IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
OR IS IT HAVING TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING?
IS THAT THE PROBLEM?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST KNOW I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHO KILLED MY FATHER.
AND WHEN I DO...
THEY'RE GONNA PAY.