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Times are hard and we've had to make some tough decisions,
Risking losing votes with several deep welfare incisions,
We've even put some of the country's assets up for sale,
Tempting foreign investors with the half price Royal Mail.
But lately we need cash for infrastructure new;
A sure colossal smash by the name of HS2 (ha ha ha).
Fifty Billion Pounds: Can we raise it? Yes we can!
Hard as though it sounds we have concocted the perfect plan.
So....
We're privatising Christmas; we're flogging our festive wares,
Partitioning 'Peace on Earth' into a series of stocks and shares.
We're privatising Christmas; Well Jesus would if he were able,
For everyone knows that in Bethlehem he was born in a market stable.
Talking of which...
The little town of Bethlehem will soon be owned by Madame Tussaud.
An entrance fee and annual pass should please the infant Lord.
With theme park rides and costumed teens and Coke to quench your thirst,
Yes, Bethlehem will prosper, provided Israel doesn't settle it first.
We're privatising Christmas; so why don't you make us an offer?
You'll get your own nugget of Yuletide and help fill the country's coffer.
We're privatising Christmas; no doubt that it's time that we did
And the rights to our favourite seasonal songs will go to the highest bid.
Baa...
While shepherds watched their flocks by night all wondering what to buy,
A Mumbai student rang their phone and hooked them up to Sky...
with an all inclusive broadband package and Sky Sports and Sky Movies costing only ten
pounds per month for the first three months and one hundred and thirty-five pounds per
month for every month thereafter with a three thousand pounds penalty for leaving before
the two year contract has elapsed.
We're privatising Christmas; All Santas will be just as handsome;
Their jackets emblazoned with ***; their beards modelled on Richard Branson's.
We're privatising Christmas; and though it may taste rather sour
We've arranged for a cartel to light up your trees: British Gas, EDF, and nPower.
We own power companies three And were unaffected by the
Fiscal crisis Just raising prices:
Gas and electricity.
O...
We're privatising Christmas; we'll make a mint from the Nativity.
What every nationwide festival needs is some prohibitive exclusivity.
We're privatising Christmas; we're capitalising December.
Then we'll lower the taxes on brandy so nobody can remember.
On Christmas morn the world is still, a distant churchbell chimes,
And all mankind is poring over their pink Financial Times.