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I guess you want to know more about my past.
Well, I'll tell you, more about my past.
My great, great
grandmother, was a Native American...
sent straight here... from India.
and her brother... was solid black.
Now I guess you're wondering what this has to do with me, well I'll tell you it has
a lot to do with me
because I'm a quarter black, a quarter Jew,
a quarter ***, a quarter English,
a quarter Irish, a quarter Russian,
a quarter Native American,
a quarter.. uh, uh... St. John's Wart.
I'm a quarter pimento cheese,
I'm a quarter ahh, uh...
Well I'll just put it this way...
*** THESE MATCHES!!
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then there was the time
that I chased down
the dairy truck. And the dairy truck got half way down the road...
and I jumped on the back of the dairy truck
and I fell off and busted the back of my head open.
IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL!
but my uncle... we called him Sand ***...
he come running... ol' Uncle Sand ***, come runnin' up and he said,
"Ahh I'll help you my son, I'll help you!" And he wrapped a towel
around my head, and it stopped the bleeding...
and that is where the word
towel head comes from... that's exactly...
AHHHH!!!!!!
AND it could also be
back when, umm... back when Roosevelt was president.
Now I'm NOT talking about Teddy, I'm talking about FDR,
This was in the Great Depression. That's what makes me believe now
we are in the Great Recession and NOT
the Great Depression but I can't tell
a damn difference. There's NOT a damn bit of difference and it just
makes me want to puke... because it was so hard
back in the 1930's
that whenever we wanted to go sleep at night, we had to...
crawl up in a tree, to keep from
dying from the heat... 'cause it was cooler up in the trees than it was down in the
house, you see.
NOW, we didn't have ELECTRICITY because ELECTRICITY WAS TOO
EXPENSIVE for us to have. SO we had oil lamps and
kerosene lamps and I remember a time
that I knocked over a lamp and I burned the whole house down
and my dad said, "Son, you are an idiot! We don't want you 'round here no more!"
"We gonna have to get you another house,
'CAUSE YOUR *** IS TOO BIG FOR THE NEST!"
So they kicked me out and I went
to live with some white people and the white people were
horribly strange... they all messed me up in the head.
AHHHH!!!!
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
I remember Abraham Lincoln
I was only about five or seven at the time
but...
... he sat me down on his knee and he said,
"BOY... WHY'D YOU DO IT?"
Now what he was referring to was... I...
peeked up Martha Todd's skirt
and I saw her bush
it was a BIG, hairy burr-gyna (?)
that was surrounded with
what appeared to be bumps of some sort. I said, "Mr. Lincoln, now don't
take me any disrespect now, I...
really wanted to see a vigina
and your wife happened to be standin' there... and I was er uh, you know... and I didn't know any better...
but MY GOD MAN, HOW DO YOU HAVE
SEX WITH THAT??!!