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>>> AL BER TO, WELCOME TO RED
EYE.
TONIGHT --
>> COMING UP ON "RED EYE," LEVEL
TATING HOT CHICKS.
ZARRE ILLUSION OR HUMAN
EVOLUTION?
DOES THE WHITE HOUSE THINK THE
CHRISTMAS WAS A MISTAKE?
>> WASN'T GREAT FOR THE COUNTRY.
IT WAS TERRIBLE FOR THE COUNTRY.
WHOLLY UNNECESSARY.
>>> FINALLY, ARE THE AMERICANS
CONSIDERING REPLACING SOCCER
PLAYERS WITH COWS FOR NEXT WORLD
CUP?
THE STORY FIFA DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO HEAR.
NONE OF THESE STORIES ON "RED
EYE" TONIGHT.
NOW LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
I'M HERE TONIGHT WITH MISS NEW
YORK USA AND FAVORITE SLEEPING
AID ARE HIS OWN TEARS, CRIES HIM
TO SLEEP, ANDY LEVY.
HE IS THE GUY WITH THE HAIR AND
THE CAR.
THE BLAZE'S NATIONAL SECURITY
EDITOR AND COAST OF REAL NEWS ON
THE BLAZE TV.
AND ONLY ON THREE SUBSTANCES,
ONE OF THEM IS LOVE.
SO ADORABLE.
A WRITER FOR TALKING.COM.
>> WHAT'S THAT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> I'M STARVING.
CAN I HAVE ONE?
>> YES, YOU CAN.
AND THE NEW BOOK OR ACTUALLY THE
OLD BOOK OUT ON PAPERBACK "THE
DEATH OF COOL" AVAILABLE
EVERYWHERE BUT NOT HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
THE FAN MAY GO ON THE LAM.
IT IS TIME FOR A "DUCK DYNASTY"
UPDATE OR DUCK-GATE.
LIVE FROM RED EYE "DUCK DYNASTY
QULTS NEWS CENTER, NOW HERE'S
YOUR HOST.
>> THANK YOU.
WOW.
AFTER THE PATRIARCH WAS
SUSPENDED FOR COMMENTS ABOUT
GAYS AND BLACKS, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING, GAVIN?
>> FIXING THE LACES ON MY SHOE.
>> OH, OKAY.
ANYWAY --
>> KIND OF PRIVATE.
>> CONTINUING.
THE ROBERTSONS HAD THIS TO SAY
IN A STATEMENT.
WHILE SOME OF PHIL'S UNFILTERED
COMMENTS WERE COARSE, HIS
BELIEFS ARE GROUNDED IN THE
TEACHINGS OF THE BIBLE AND
CANNOT IMAGINE THE SHOW WITHOUT
OUR PATRIARCH.
WHY CAN'T THEY SAY DAD?
WE ARE IN DISCUSSION TO SEE WHAT
THAT MEANS FOR THE FUTURE OF
"DUCK DYNASTY."
A&E SAID THEY'D REPLACE WIT A
REALITY SHOW BASED ON THESE
UNLIKELY FRIENDS.
>> PUSHL IT ACROSS THE FLOOR.
ON YOUR BACK.
JUST COME OUT AND LAY ON YOUR
BACK WITH THE DOLPHIN.
PLEASE TAKE THE FINS OFF IN ONLY
SIX FEET.
>> I WOULD WATCH THE HELL OUT OF
THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.
GAVIN, THIS SEEMS TO BE A --
IT'S LIKE A PING-PONG OF
JUDGMENT.
YOU HAVE GAYS ON ONE SIDE.
YOU HAVE CHRISTIANS ON THE
OTHER.
AND THEN YOU HAVE US JUST
WATCHING IT GO BACK AND FORTH.
WHY WHERE DO YOU STAND OR IT?
>> I'M MORTIFIED.
DITS GUSTED.
>> REALLY?
>> YES.
THIS DISGUSTING, HORRIBLE HUMAN
BEING HAS IMPLIED THAT
CHRISTIANITY CALLS HOMOSEXUALITY
A SIN.
AND HE'S SAYING THAT THE BIBLE
HAS NO HO NO SEXUALITY LISTED AS
A SIN AND IF YOU'RE OKAY WITH
THAT SIN THEN YOU'RE OKAY WITH
ADULTERY AND BEASTALTY AND OTHER
ALL THE SINS.
WHERE THE HELL DOES HE GET THIS
FROM?
>> YOU ARE BEING IRONIC?
>> YEAH.
I WAS PRETTY PROUD OF MYSELF ON
THAT.
>> I DIDN'T PICK UP ON THAT.
>> I CAN HEAR MYSELF TALKING IN
MY OWN EAR.
I'LL REMOVE THAT.
WHAT IS ABSURD ABOUT WHAT HE
SAID?
HE SAID HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN
WHICH IN CHRISTIANITY IT IS.
ERGO, IF YOU HAND PICK CERTAIN
SINS AND SAY THAT'S OKAY AND
THAT'S NOT OKAY, THEN THE BAD
SINS ARE GOING TO GET IN.
.
THAT'S VALID.
I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I WAS BORN AN ALCOHOLIC.
GOD MADE ME AN ALCOHOLIC.
EXACTLY LIKE A GAY.
>> WHAT?
EXACTLY LIKE A GAY?
>> EXACTLY LIKE A GAY.
>> REALLY?
>> IT IS A SIN TO BE AN
ALCOHOLIC.
IT'S SIN TO BE A GAY.
>> OKAY.
>> I WAS BORN THAT WAY AND NO
INTENTION OF CHANGING.
>> THAT IS --
>> HAPPY TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC.
BUT I GET THAT IT'S BAD AND
AFTER A NIGHT OF DRINKING AND I
--
>> KEEP DOING THAT.
>> IT'S THE SAME THING.
LOOK.
DRINKING.
DRINKING.
ALL RIGHT.
NEXT DAY I WAKE UP AND I GO,
THAT WAS BAD.
I SHOULD HAVE SOME, YOU KNOW,
FRUIT JUICE FOR A WHILE.
SIMILARLY, GAYS HAVE TOO MUCH
FRUIT JUICE.
>> OH PLEASE!
YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
>> FEEL BAD THE NEXT DAY.
IT IS A SIN.
BORN SINNERS AND LOVE OUR SIN
AND IT'S -- HE MADE IT THIS
CLEAR.
HE SAID I LOVE THE SINNER.
I HATE THE SIN.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> THIS IS SAME THING WITH
ALCOHOLIC.
>> I DISAGREE WITH JUST ABOUT
EVERYTHING I COULD FOLLOW IN
THAT STRANGE LOGIC.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S FRIED GAFB'S
BRAIN.
>> I THINK SO, YEAH.
>> IRONIC BECAUSE I'M DRUNK.
THAT STORY -- IT WAS ALCOHOL.
>> I CAN SMELL IT ON YOU.
>> REALLY?
>> YES.
>> ME, TOO.
THE THING WITH THIS, WE'RE
TAKING WHAT HE'S SAYING TO HEART
BUT WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS
WHAT HE HAS TO DO HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH GAYS OR CHRISTIANITY.
IT IS JUST HIS BELIEFS, LIKE HE
GOES AFTER DUCKS, HE'S A SELF
PROCLAIMED REDNECK.
DO WE EXPECT ANY OTHER BELIEF
SYSTEM FROM HIM?
>> NO.
>> THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE
COUNTRY WHO FEEL THIS WAY.
HE'S A PART OF A BRAND NOW
SIGNING A CONTRACT, WORKING FOR
A&E AND PAYING HIM TO DO THIS.
IT'S JUST LIKE PAGEANTRY.
YOU SIGN A CONTRACT.
BE MINDFUL YOU HAVE A BROAD
AUDIENCE AND MIGHT OFFEND
PEOPLE.
>> I ADMIRE YOU THAT BECAUSE
YOU'VE KEPT YOUR HATEFUL,
HATEFUL BELIEFS INSIDE IN THE
PAGEANT.
>> I HAD ANOTHER MONTH LEFT AND
THEN BREAK LOOSE.
>> EXACTLY.
YOU'LL BECOME A RACIST, BIGOTED
MONSTER.
BUCK, SHOULD THEY FIND ANOTHER
COLORFUL FAMILY OF LOUISIANA
DUCK CALL ENTREPRENEURS.
>> THEY HAVE TPATRIARCH OF
BUCK DYNASTY HERE.
YOU DON'T TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY.
>> YOU WON'T GIVE ME MY DUE
HERE.
>> REICH THIS?
>> A GREAT SHOW.
THERE COULD BE ASCOTS AND YACHTS
AND BMWs.
IT WOULD BE AMAZING.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.
>> I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY.
>> BACK TO THE MEAT OF THE ISSUE
IF YOU WILL.
IT'S NOT A FIRST AMENDMENT
ISSUE.
THAT'S ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
COMING AFTER YOU.
THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT.
>> THERE'S NO STATE ACTION.
>> IT'S PRIVATE EMPLOYERS AND
PRIVATE CITIZENS.
>> I STRONGLY DISAGREE.
>> THAT'S OKAY.
THE CONSTITUTION FREES YOU.
>> NO, NO, NO.
THIS IS DIFFERENT.
THIS IS A -- OPPRESSED BY THE
MAFIA.
OKAY?
WE ARE OPPRESSED BY THE VELVET
MAFIA.
NO, THEY DON'T KILL US THE WAY
THEY DO IN PALERMO.
THEY LOSE PEOPLE'S JOBS.
>> WHITE MEN IN THE COUNTRY JUST
HAVE A --
>> IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE WRONG.
I'LL HAVE VET MAFIA.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
>> WHY IS EVERYONE LAUGHING AT
ME?
>> I LIKE THE NAME VELVET MAFIA.
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT DESSERT.
>> I LIKE BUCK DYNASTY.
I ASSUMED -- HIGH FIVING ME
BRINGING THIS UP.
>> I LOVE THE "DUCK DYNASTY"
GUYS.
>> WANTS PEOPLE TO LOSE THEIR
JOBS CRITICIZE GAYS.
G.L.A.D. WANTS YOU TO EITHER
APOLOGIZE OR LOSE YOUR JOB.
>> OVERREACHED.
>> THAT'S A MINOR EXAMPLE OF
WHAT GOES ON IN SICILY WITH THE
MOB.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> MAFIA THERE IS A MUCH MORE
SERIOUS EXAMPLE OF THE VELVET
MAFIA HERE.
>> GOT IT.
>> THEY WANT YOU TO GET FIRED.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> THAT'S OPPRESSION AND NOT
FREEDOM.
I DON'T BUY THE ARGUMENT OF A
FREE MARKET THAT DECIDED TO
SEQUESTER THIS GUY.
NO.
A TINY MINORITY, A VERY LOUD
MINORITY HAS OPPRESSED THIS GUY
DESPITE THE FACT THAT 12 MILLION
VIEWERS LOVE HIM.
>> IT IS NOT A GOVERNMENT THING.
WE'RE GETTING --
>> LET ME GET --
>> STILL OPPRESSION.
>> GAVIN, I WANT YOU TO BE QUIET
FOR AT LEAST THREE MINUTES TO
LET ANDY SPEAK.
>> LOOK.
>> TRY TO HOLD YOUR BREATH.
>> THE BIGGEST ISSUE, THIS IS
HAPPENED, OVER, DONE.
THE ISSUE NOW IS HOW DO WE STOP
IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN?
HIT ME EARLIER TODAY, IT'S
POSSIBLE THAT SOME OTHER REALITY
TV STARS MIGHT HAVE
OBJECTIONABLE VIEWS ABOUT
THINGS.
>> YES!
>> I THINK THE ONLY THING TO DO
IS WE HAVE TO HAVE ALL REALITY
TV STARS FILL OUT A
QUESTIONNAIRE BEFORE THE SERIES
IS LAUNCHED SO THEY DON'T HOLD
VIEWS THAT MIGHT BE
OBJECTIONABLE IN POLITE SOCIETY.
IT'S DRACONIAN AND MIGHT MEAN
THE END OF THE REALITY TV.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
I DO SAY THERE'S SELECTIVE
OUTRAGE GOING ON AND -- GOING ON
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE
REALLY, REALLY CARE.
I'M GOING TO KEEP TALKING.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE
REALLY CARE.
THIS IS A -- THIS IS A GREAT
CONVERSATION TO HAVE IN THE
MEDIA BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TWO
ANGRY SIDES.
AND EACH SIDE DEMANDS YOU TAKE
THEIR SIDE OR YOU'RE WRONG.
>> ALSO IT'S A HUGE SHOW,
THOUGH.
>> BY THE WAY --
>> HUGE SHOW.
>> PEOPLE THAT ARE TALKING ABOUT
IT DON'T WATCH IT.
I HAVE EVERY SEEN --
>> ACTUALLY AN AWESOME SHOW, A
HUGE SHOW AND I THINK THERE'S A
COLLISION BETWEEN SORT OF ELITE
MEDIA AND HE'S FALLING ASLEEP
WHILE I'M TALKING.
>> NO.
>> ACTUALLY PASSING OUT WHILE
I'M YELLING.
>> HOLDING HIS BREATH.
I TOLD HIM TO.
>> I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.
>> REGARDLESS.
THAT'S WHY IT'S ALSO A BIG HOLE
IN THE NEWS CYCLE.
EVERYBODY WAITING TO BUY THE --
>> THE THING THAT REALLY
AGGRAVATES ME ABOUT THE STORY IS
PEOPLE SIGNING THE PETITIONS TO
GET THE SHOW BACK ON THE AIR
BECAUSE HIS RIGHTS WERE TAKEN
AWAY FROM HIM.
HE CAN'T SPEAK.
HOW'S THAT OKAY?
THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE RALLYING TO
GET THIS REDNECK BACK ON TV AND
NOT FIGHTING FOR OTHER
INJUSTICES IN THE WORLD, THAT'S
WHAT'S TERRIBLE.
>> THE THING IS, THOUGH --
>> IT'S NOT TERRIBLE.
>> YEAH.
>> SOME REDNECKS.
>> WHAT ABOUT 60% OF AMERICANS
AGREE WITH.
HOMOSEXUALITY IS SIN.
I GAVE YOU A SPIN IT, PEOPLE ARE
ALCOHOLICS.
THAT'S A SIN.
YOU CAN DIGEST IT EASIER BUT THE
FACT IS IT'S A HATE FACT.
AND THE MAJORITY OF CHRISTIANS
BELIEVE HOMOSEXUALITY TO BE A
SIN.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> 75% AMERICANS CHRISTIANS.
>> FORNICATION IS A SIN, TO.
>> YES!
>> THAT'S --
>> THAT'S WHAT ROBERTSON SAID.
>> ADULTERY IS A SIN.
>> WHO HASN'T COVETED THEIR
NEIGHBOR'S WIFE?
I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW.
>> 45% IN THE LATEST POLL.
>> I HAVEN'T COVETED MY
NEIGHBOR'S WIFE.
>> MANY PEOPLE'S HEADS YOU HAVE
COVETED ANOTHER WOMAN.
I BELIEVE WE'RE GOING TO MOVE
ON.
THIS IS AN INTERESTING TOPIC.
>> I PROMISE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> LATEST PEW SHOWED 45% OF
AMERICANS BELIEVE HOMOSEXUALITY
IS A SIN.
>> THE POLL IS BASED ON SMELLS
AND ENTERING A PEW --
>> IT'S CALLED PEW.
>> I GET IT.
>> IT'S CHURCH DOCTRINE.
SCRIPTURE STYLE.
>>> THEY FLIPPED THE WIGS OVER
ELECTRIC CIGS.
BANNING ELECTRIC CIGARETTES
INDOOR.
THEY SAID THAT THE BAN IS NEEDED
TO AVOID CONFUSION.
QUOTE, BECAUSE MANY OF THE
E-CIGARETTES LOOK LIKE
CIGARETTES AND USED JUST LIKE
THEM.
MORONS.
MEANWHILE, A NOTE OF A NEW STUDY
OF 76,000 WOMEN CONCLUDED THAT
EXPOSURE TO SECONDHAND SMOKE DID
NOT INCREASE RISK FOR LUNG
CANCER OR AS ONE EXPERT SAID WE
HAVE SMOKING OUT OF BARS AND
RESTAURANTS ON THE BASIS THAT
YOU AND I AND OTHER NONSMOKERS
DON'T WANT THE DIE.
THE REALITY IS, WE PROBABLY
WON'T.
DO DOGS KNOW THE DANGERS OF
EATING CUPCAKES?
>> WHAT?
>> NOT WHAT YOU PLANNED.
>> THEY'RE TOUGH.
THOSE DOGS ARE TOUGH.
I'VE DONE THAT BEFORE.
YOU WORK OUT A BAR.
>> PEOPLE SMOKE THESE.
>> I SMOKE THEM.
NOTHING COMES OUT.
>> FLAVORED ONES CAN SMELL.
>> YES.
>> AND I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME
I SAW SOMEONE SMOKING IT AT THE
BAR, I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
IT WAS.
WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT AND
POPULAR AND YOU'RE A TOOL.
LIKE, THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
IF YOU STAY THERE --
>> CALLING MAY TOOL.
>> WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?
SITTING HERE TALKING TO THE
FRIEND AT THE BAR AND LIKE
REALLY?
>> SO WHAT?
>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
>> THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.
>> OFFENDS ME THE SMELL AND
SEEING IT AS A GUEST TRYING TO
DINE NEXT TO YOU AND GOING ON?
>> I SEE HOW IT'S --
>> IT'S WATER VAPOR.
>> I HAVE NEVER SMELLED SOMEBODY
ELSE'S E-CIG.
>> MAYBE IT WASN'T AN E-CIG.
>> MAYBE NOT.
>> COULD HAVE BEEN A VAPOR
VEHICLE WHICH IS SOMETHING ELSE
IN IT.
>> YES.
>> BUCK, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DO YOU THINK PEOPLE HATE THE
ACTUAL SMOKING OR JUST THE IDEA
THAT SOMEBODY IS SMOKING AND
HAVING FUN?
>> YEAH.
LIKE LOVE THE PERSON, HATE THE
VAPOR?
>> YES.
>> MOVING FROM THE WORD POLICE
TO THE VAPOR POLICE AND PRETTY
DISTURBING.
MAYBE IT SMELLS LIKE THE -- YOU
INTO GO INTO THE BARS AND THE --
THAT'S TRUE.
YOU CAN HAVE AN ORANGE AND MANGO
AND POMEGRANATE AND NOT AS
BOTHERSOME AS CHOKING ON
SOMEBODY'S PUFF IN YOUR FACE.
I DON'T WANT A CIGARETTE SMOKE
IN MY FACE.
THIS DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
THERE'S WATER VAPOR IN THE AIR
ALL THE TIME.
>> BOIL TEA!
BOIL TEA!
>> THAT'S WHAT HUMIDITY IS.
CHECK THAT OUT.
SCIENCE KNOWLEDGE.
>> THERE YOU GO.
SCIENCE KNOWLEDGE.
THAT WAS KIND OF REDUNDANT.
GAVIN, THE BAN IS INSANITY AND
BUT SO WHERE'S THIS -- IT'S THE
LOGIC OF THE LAW IS FLAWED.
IT'S SAYING THAT THE LAW HAS TO
BE CREATED FOR PEOPLE NOT TO
BECOME CONFUSED.
SO THE LAW IS BASED ON PEOPLE'S
FEELINGS.
>> THE SUB TEXT IS WHAT'S GOING
ON IS SMOKING IS BAD AND I WANT
TO STOP YOU FROM SMOKING AND
PRETEND --
>> YEAH.
>> -- THAT YOUR E-CIGARETTE IS
SOMEHOW DAMAGING YOUR NEIGHBOR
BUT I'M ABOUT BEING A HELICOPTER
PARENT AND TELLING YOU TO STOP
SMOKING AND THEN THEY CAN USE
THAT DATA AND GO, LOOK, A LOT OF
PEOPLE STOPPED SMOKING SO WE
SAVED MILLIONS OF LIVES.
>> RIGHT.
>> STUPID LAW.
>> YEAH.
>> BUT WE HAVE LEARNED WITH
SOCIALISM AND COMMUNISM WHEN YOU
HAVE THE GREATER GOOD AS AN
AGENDA YOU DO MORE HARM THAN
GOOD.
YOU TANGLE A WANGLED WEEB.
>> I BELIEVE THAT, THOUGH.
>> TANGLED A WANGLED --
>> I'M KIND OF SERIOUS.
SECOND HAND SMOKE, WHERE THE
MOTHERS -- CHRISTOPHER HUTCHENS
SAID WHERE ARE THE MOTHERS WITH
SIGNS OUTSIDE GOING, MY SON DIED
FROM ALL OF YOUR SECONDHAND
SMOKE?
I NEVER SAW ANY.
THIRDHAND SMOKE.
ILLEGAL IN CERTAIN STATES THE
SMOKE AT HOME.
>> I KNOW.
>> ILLEGAL TO SMOKE IN YOUR CAR.
>> YEAH.
THIRDHAND SMOKE -- WHAT?
>> ALL "RED EYE" FANS ARE
SMOKERS.
>> MY BAD.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU WANT TO GET BACK ON THE
SHOW, DEFEND SMOKING.
>> ANDY, YEAH, YOU ARE AN E-CIG
SMOKER AND I AM.
THE LAW IS AGAINST US BECAUSE
THE CIGARETTES LOOK LIKE REAL
CIGARETTES.
THAT'S ALMOST LIKE SAYING MEN
CAN NO LONGER CROSS DRESS
BECAUSE SOMEBODY MIGHT MISTAKE
YOU FOR A WOMAN AND NOBODY WOULD
GO FOR THAT.
>> WELL, INTERESTING --
>> I WON'T GO FOR THAT.
>> I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE E-CIG
STUFF.
DON'T TAKE AWAY THE DRESSES.
GAVIN POINTING OUT THE BAN,
SECONDHAND SMOKE STUFF, NONE OF
THIS WAS EVER ABOUT HEALTH BUT A
CLASS OF PEOPLE THAT GET OFF ON
CONTROLLING OTHER PEOPLE AND
IT'S HONESTLY IT'S A SICKNESS.
I BELIEVE IT'S A MENTAL ILLNESS.
>> SHOULD IT BE CURTAILED?
>> LOCK IT UP.
LIKE THAT DOES ANYTHING.
SEEMS COOLER TO YOUNG KIDS.
>> ELECTRONIC CIGARETTES.
>> THEY HAVE A NEED TO CONTROL
OTHER PEOPLE EXCEPT THAT THEY
SUCCEED IN GETTING THE LAWS PASS
TO CONTROL MY LIFE.
SO I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR THEM.
I WANT THEM OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
I DON'T CARE IF THEY WANT TO
LEAVE THE COUNTRY OR IF THEY
HAVE TO BE FORCED TO LEAVE.
I WANT THEM GONE.
>> I WANT TO SEE HOW FAR I CAN
TAKE THIS.
>> WHERE ARE THEY TAKEN?
>> I DON'T CARE.
>> PERHAPS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE
OCEAN IN A BOX?
FIE THAT'S TRAGICALLY TO
ACCIDENTALLY HAPPEN, SO BE IT.
>> I JUST WANTED TO --
>> THE CULTURE OF SMOKING, THE
GUYS WITH THE GIRLFRIENDS AT THE
BAR, CAN'T LIKE GO OUTSIDE AND
CHAT ABOUT LIKE HOW ANNOYING
THEY ARE OR THE ISSUE.
OUTSIDE HAVING THE CIGARETTE
BREAK.
YOU CAN SMOKE IT RIGHT THERE.
WHY ARE YOU GOING AWAY IN WHAT
DO YOU NEED TO DO?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> YOU DO THAT REALLY WELL.
>> THANKS.
>> THAT MADE ME VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE.
SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS AND PEOPLE
THAT LIVE NEAR BARS SHOULD BE
HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
MORE FIGHTS FROM PEOPLE SMOKING
IN FRONT OF BARS.
SMOKERS TEND TO BLOCK THE
SIDEWALKS.
THAT CAUSES PROBLEMS AND
BARTENDERS AND WAITERS SEE LESS
TIPS SINCE SMOKING WENT DOWN AND
PEOPLE SPENDING LESS TIME AT THE
BAR AND MORE TIME OUTSIDE.
>> FEWER -- THERE'S A FIVE
STUDIES THAT SHOWED 90% OF
SMOKERS GET PNEUMONIA FROM
SMOKING IN THE COLD.
>> REALLY?
>> NO.
IT SOUNDS -- THE SCIENCE ON THAT
IS JUST AS GOOD AS THE SCIENCE
OF NEW YORK CITY COUNSEL.
>> HOW ABOUT A --
>> GETTING COLD DOESN'T GIVE YOU
A COLD.
>> THE SMELL OF CIGARETTES IN
CLOTHE ORIGINAL THE HOUSE?
>> TRACES OF THE THING ON
DRAPES.
>> EXACTLY.
>> A BABY MIGHT EAT IT, TOUCH
THAT AND DIE OF AIDS.
>> HERE'S -- IN THE MODERN WORLD
OF OPINIONS, THE PERSON -- IF
YOU WANT THE FIND THE AMATEUR, A
PERSON THAT SEEKS A BAN OF
SOMETHING THEY DON'T LIKE.
THAT'S THE FIRST -- THAT'S A
RULE THAT WHENEVER YOU GO IN
LIFE, SOMEBODY SAYS, LIKE, SAY A
YOUNG ACTRESS FROM "THE HUNGER
GAMES" SAID I THINK CALLING
PEOPLE FAT SHOULD BE BANNED OR
THIS SHOULD BE BANNED, FIRST
LEVEL OF THINKING.
>> DON'T YOU BAN WORDS ALL THE
TIME?
>> I KNOW.
BECAUSE I AM AN AMATEUR.
>> WE WANT TO BAN THE WORD LIKE,
FOR EXAMPLE.
BUT WE CAN'T.
MAKES US SUFFER BUT THE OTHER
PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO IT.
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
I NEVER THINK I CAN BAN ANYTHING
AND MAYBE THAT'S WHY I DO IT TO
SATISFY AN IRRATIONAL NEED TO
CONTROL PEOPLE.
>> BAN THE WORDS I DON'T LIKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S LIKE -- UGH!
I WANT TO CHANGE THE WAY PEOPLE
TALK.
UGH.
>> I LIKE THAT.
WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S LIKE -- LIKE -- IT'S LIKE
--
>> YEAH.
>> LIKE --
>> I WANT TO BAN IT.
IT IS AMAZING.
>>> COMING UP --
>> COMING UP, WE HAVE MORE
STORIES.
>>> DOES *** THE ABILITY TO
CHARM?
IN BRITAIN WHEREVER THAT IS
SCHOOLBOYS GIVEN LESSONS HOW TO
TALK TO GIRLS DUE TO THE FEAR
THAT *** LEFT THEM FEEBLE IN
THE COMPANY OF FEMALES.
MALE TEACHERS WILL ADVISE THE
LADS ON LIFE SKILLS HOW TO ASK A
GIRL OUT, SAVE MONEY, TREAT
WOMEN WELL AND KNIFE A TURTLE.
THE PROGRAM IS INTO KIDS LACKING
A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL.
QUOTE, YOUNG MEN HAVE A SKEWED
VIEW OF A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE
OF THE EASY ACCESS TO
***.
SPEAKING OF HELPING OTHERS --
>> THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
THAT WAS FANTASTIC.
THAT MADE ME HAPPY ALL OVER
AGAIN.
OKAY.
YOU'RE THE WOMAN HERE.
ANDY NOTWITHSTANDING BECAUSE THE
TREATMENTS HAVEN'T KICKED IN.
HAVE YOU NOTICED MEN BECOMING
DIFFERENT OVER THE LAST -- I
KNOW SINGLE GIRL THAT IS DO THE
SHOW AN THERE ARE FRIENDS OF MY
WIFE SAYING MEN IN NEW YORK ARE
WEIRD.
THEY SEEM LIKE THEY'RE ALOOF OR
UNINTERESTED OR JADED AND I
THINK IT'S ***.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY ONE OF --
>> I GAVE YOU YOUR OPINION.
>> I DON'T NEED TO TALK.
>> YEAH.
>> YES.
***, I GUESS, MEDIA OR OTHER
THINGS THAT THEY'RE BEING
BOMBARDED WITH.
I THINK REALLY RATHER THAN THE
TEACHER HAVING THESE MEETINGS
AND A CLUB YOU NEED AN ITALIAN
MOTHER.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> THE GUYS THAT DATED THAT COME
FROM ITALIAN HOMES, THEY OPEN
DOORS, THEY PAY FOR DINNER.
>> THEY LIVE AT HOME.
>> WHAT KIND OF GUYS DO YOU
DATE, EXACTLY?
>> DON'T THEY STAY AT HOME UNTIL
35 PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?
>> THEN THEY HAVE MONEY.
>> FROM WHAT, DEEJAYING?
>> YES!
LOTS OF THEM DO.
>> DEEJAY PAULY MAKING $12
MILLION A YEAR.
>> IT'S THE IDEA OF MANNERS AND
CHIVALRY AND I THINK A LOT OF
THAT IS GONE BECAUSE THEY REALLY
DON'T HAVE THE ROLE MODELS.
I DON'T KNOW THAT TEACHERS ARE
THE BEST.
THE LINE OF BEING A FRIEND IS
BLURRED.
>> DO YOU THINK THE TEACHER IS
DOING THAT TO HANG OUT WITH
THEM.
>> THIS IS THE *** YOU
SHOULDN'T WATCH.
>> NO.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
SOME *** I MADE MYSELF AND HOW
DISGUSTING IT IS.
THAT'S ME WITH SIX MEN I FOUND
IN THE PARK.
GAVIN, ALL RIGHT --
>> HOMELESS ***?
>> YOUR PAST IS DISGUSTING.
HOW YOU LIVE A TRADITIONAL LIFE.
>> SURE.
>> HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
>> RAN OUT OF OPTIONS.
>> OKAY.
>> SIMPLY STOPPED KICKING DOWN
THE DOOR.
SO I WENT BACK TO THE MOST
PRETTY GIRL I HAD BEEN WITH AND
SAID WILL YOU MARRY ME AND DID
PRETTY WELL.
>> ROMANTIC.
>> IT IS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> SHE DOESN'T WATCH "RED EYE"
SO WE'RE GOOD.
>> HERE'S MY THEORY ON THIS.
NOT ABOUT -- MAY NOT BE ABOUT
***.
THERE ARE NO DADS.
COULD THAT BE IT?
>> WELL, AGAIN, WE HAVE THIS
NANNY STATE TRYING TO FIX THE
MISTAKES AND PROMOTED SINGLE
MOTHERHOOD UNTIL IT SEEMED LIKE
A COOL THING.
THIS IS NOT WORKING.
MEN HAVE NO -- ANYMORE.
WE EXPELLED A KID FOR *** A
HARASSMENT FOR PINCHING ANOTHER
4-YEAR-OLD GIRL'S *** AND GOING
I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY BODY.
WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
YOU'RE EXPELLED.
WE HAVE TO GET THE BOYS BACK IN
HERE AND TEACH THEM HOW TO GET
LAID.
>> OKAY.
>> IF YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT
KIDS GETTING LAID AND BOYS, YOU
WOULD TELL THEM ONLY TWO THINGS
YOU NEED TO KNOW.
>> OH GOSH.
>> ONE, GET A BAG OF COKE.
TWO, LEARN TO PLAY BASS.
>> SEE, I WOULD DISAGREE.
IT IS DRUMS.
ANDY?
>> YEAH.
>> MACE AND COKE.
>> EITHER BASS OR DRUMS BUT I
FEEL MORE BANDS NEED A BASSIST
THAN DRUMS.
>> WE ALL AGREE I GUESS ON THE
COKE.
TALKING KOOBT KA COLA.
ANDY?
>> MAYBE I'M WRONG HERE, GACH.
I DON'T THINK THE STUDY ABOUT
HELPING GET BOYS LAID BUT THE
OPPOSITE.
>> UNLAID?
>> TEACHING THEM HOW TO DEAL
WITH WOMEN WITHOUT CONSTANTLY
BEING ABOUT GETTING LAID.
>> HEARTS AND DUNGEONS AND
DRAGONS.
>> THAT'S EASY.
I DON'T LIKE THE STUDY.
IT'S THE -- I'VE SPOKEN AT
LENGTH ABOUT THIS BEFORE IN
LECTURES.
IT IS THE SOCIETY.
>> RIGHT.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS NEED TO
TALK HOW TO OTHER BOYS AND
JEBDER IDENTITY ISN'T BINARY.
I'M SORRY.
HELLO.
>> YES.
>> THIS IS -- I DON'T LIKE IT.
>> LET'S GET BUCK IN HERE.
YOU'RE A LEGENDARY ***
WAGON AND SAW --
>> BUCK SEXTON AND I HAVE A LOT
TO OFFER.
>> IS THIS NECESSARY?
A CONSEQUENCE OF A SOCIETY GOING
TO HELL?
>> IF YOU TAKE REAL INSTRUCTIONS
FROM THE *** AND THINK
SHOWING UP WITH A PIZZA ASKING
WHO ORDERED THE EXTRA CHEESE, I
DON'T THINK A TEACHER CAN HELP
YOU.
>> THERE'S NO SCENE IN
*** IN 30 YEARS.
>> THAT'S 1980 ***.
>> MAYBE I LIKE 1980 --
>> I LIKE HOW DEEPLY OFFENDED
YOU ARE.
>> COME ON.
>> THE CLASSICS.
>> UPGRADE.
>> THERE'S A SERIOUS WITH
MARRIED MEN AND THE WIFE HAS THE
BABY AN TAKES SIX MONTHS OFF.
YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME WITH
*** AND THINKING THAT'S
THE NORM AND THEN WHEN SHE IS
READY, YOU HAVE A FULL BODY FISH
NET COSTUME ON.
NOT ON BUT READY.
AND THEN --
>> WELL.
>> STILETTOS AND GO WOULD YOU BE
WILLING TO -- WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?
I JUST HAD A CHILD.
I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A FULL BODY
FISHNET AND YOU HAVE TO SORT OF
--
>> *** CAN BE DETRIMENTAL
COMING TO EXPECTATIONS.
>> THANK YOU, PROFESSOR
McGUINESS.
>> ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA FOR A SHOW.
COMING UP, THE C BLOCK IS UPON
SOED BY DARK MATTER, THAT
MATERIAL THOUGHT TO EXIST IN
SPACE AND COULD TAKE
ANY FORMS.
THANKS, DARK MATTER.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>>> NEXT, ALLIGATORS,
CROCODILES, DO THEY USE TOOLS TO
HUNT?
SURE, WHY NOT.
SEEMS PLAUSIBLE.
WE'LL DISCUSS WIT THE
>>> STOP IT!
ALL RIGHT.
HE WAS MAKING VERY CRUDE FACES.
BEING SATED OVERRATED?
A NEW STUDY OUT OF NEW ZEALAND
SAYS IT'S BETTER TO BE RIGHT
THAN HAPPY.
A HUSBAND AGREED WITH EVERYTHING
TO HIS WIFE.
OVER THE COURSE OF THE
EXPERIMENT, THE HUBBY UNHAPPY
WHILE HIS COMPANION WAS SLIGHTLY
MORE CONTENT.
BOTTOM LINE, NEW ZEALAND IS
WEIRD AND BEING RIGHT MAKES YOU
HAPPIER AND AGREEING MAKES YOU
MISERABLE.
I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO
GO TO YOU, GAVIN.
YOU ARE THE ONLY OTHER MARRIED
PERSON HERE.
SO ALL RIGHT.
I WOULD RATHER BE HAPPY THAN
RIGHT BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO
BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME YOU'RE
SINGLE.
>> THIS STUDY'S WRONG.
>> YEAH?
>> THIS IS A STUPID STUDY.
I MEAN, IT WAS RIDICULOUS STUDY
I'VE EVER READ.
WE DID OUR LITTLE RESEARCH AND
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
THEY'RE WRONG.
VERY WRONG.
>> YOU OKAY?
>> I'M FINE.
VERY HAPPY.
I DON'T KNOW WHO DOES THESE
THINGS BUT, NO.
THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AND
THEY'RE VERY, VERY, VERY WRONG.
>> OH MY GOD.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO ASK YOU
THAT THE POINT.
>> I HAVE SOME IDEAS.
SO I THINK THAT -- LET'S GET
THIS BACK ON TRACK.
MEN GET THE HAPPINESS OF BEING
RIGHT.
I THINK IT'S A PRIDE THING.
>> BUT IF -- THEY WILL BE
MISERABLE IF THE WOMAN FEELS TO
BE WRONG SO THINK'D RATHER HAVE
HER BE RIGHT.
>> WE JUST WANT TO BE HEARD.
THAT'S WHERE OUR HAPPINESS --
>> YOU ARE LYING.
YOU ARE LYING.
>> I'M MARRIED!
>> WE WANT PEOPLE TO LISTEN.
THINKING WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
RIGHT AND THEN THE REALLY SMART
WOMEN MAKE THE MEN THINK THAT
THEY'RE RIGHT.
>> THAT WAS A LOT OF DEAD AIR.
SILENCE.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON A
TELEVISION SHOW.
>> THE PANEL.
>> TALKING, THINKING.
>> OH MY.
AGREE TO DISAGREE I GUESS.
>> BUCK, YOU SAID IN THE GREEN
ROOM --
>> WILL YOU SHUT UP?
BUCK, YOU SAID THAT THE
HAPPINESS TOLIFE IS A ***
WAGON.
THEN YOU WALKED OUT.
>> IT'S A HOME.
IT'S A BOUDOIR.
ALL OF THE ABOVE.
WOOD PANELS.
YOU CAN PAINT SOME FLAMES ON
THERE.
YOU CAN TAKE THEM OFF.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
HYDRAULICS.
*** WAGON HASH TAG.
THAT'S RIGHT.
>> DID HE?
>> HASH TAG IT ON THE END.
>> YOU HAVE TO DO IT --
>> IT'S BEFORE, OBVIOUSLY.
*** WAGON, BAM.
>> NOT AFTER.
>> GOOD LORD.
>> ANDY, WHY ARE WE TALKING --
>> THIS IS NOT A STUDY.
ONE COUPLE.
>> I KNOW.
>> I'LL GO A STEP FURTHER.
NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
THAT IS JOKE.
THIS IS WHAT THE AUTHORS SAY.
QUOTE, THE STUDY HAS SOME
LIMITATIONS.
NO TRIAL REGISTRATION, NO
APPROVAL, NO INFORMED CONSENT,
NO RANDOMIZATION AND
QUESTIONABLE STATISTICAL
ASSESSMENT.
>> WASN'T A STUDY ACTUALLY.
>> AND THEN THERE'S THIS.
THIS CHART SHOWS HOW THE MALE'S
QUALITY OF LIFE DIMINISHED.
THAT'S A SERIOUS STUDY.
SAD FACES ON IT.
THAT'S THE CHART FROM THE STUDY.
>> USED SKITTLES.
>> THAT IS NOT A STUDY.
>> WAS THIS THE BRITISH MEDICAL
JOURNAL?
>> YES.
THE HALL SAY ISSUE.
SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE SAID IT'S
NOTHING BUT JOKES.
THEY ACTUALLY KIND OF DO
RESEARCH AND THEY KIND OF DON'T.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW I'M AFRAID OF THE NEXT
STUDY.
WILTAKING A FLIGHT MAKE YOU
FEEL ALL RIGHT?
TRAVELING THE BOOST.
THE STUD DESHOWS THAT WOMEN THAT
VACATION AT LEAST TWICE A YEAR
HAVE A LOWER RISK OF A HEART
ATTACK THAN MEN HAVE A 20%
HIGHER RISK OF SOMETHING WE LIKE
TO CALL DEATH.
YOU PROBABLY TRAVEL A LOT FOR
YOUR PAGEANTS.
YET YOU'RE A WRECK.
>> WELL, HERE'S THE THING,
THOUGH.
I ACTUALLY -- I TAKE DAILY TRIPS
TO SPAIN, ITALY AND NAPA IN THE
FORM OF A RED OR A WHITE.
I TAKE MENTAL VACATIONS BECAUSE
I CAN'T AFFORD ACTUAL TRIPS NOW
THAT MY REIGN IS ALMOST OVER.
OKAY?
I MEAN, OF COURSE IT MAKES
SENSE.
YOU'RE HAPPIER, HEALTHIER
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AS STRESSED
AWAY FROM WORK ON VACATION.
RIGHT?
>> SEE, I DISAGREE.
I HAVE TO SAY, BUCK, THE
TRAVELING IS SOMETHING YOU DO TO
WASTE TIME UNTIL YOU DIE.
>> NO.
IT IS SOMETHING YOU DO TO
IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK
JUST WHEN YOU GET TO THE TOP OF
MACU PICU BUT YOU HAD THE
BURRITO AND NOW SPENDING THE
HOLIDAY IN A TOILET IN THE --
YOU KNOW, THE INN IN NORTHERN
COLOMBIA.
NOT FUN.
THAT'S NOT WHERE IT IS BUT I'M
JUST SAYING.
>> SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE.
>> IT'S SOMETHING OF A POINT OF
PRIDE FOR CIA GUYS.
WE DON'T TALK -- FORMALLY, OF
COURSE.
YOU TALK ABOUT WHICH PLACE SUCKS
THE MOST.
THAT PLACE IS TERRIBLE.
I HATED THAT PLACE BECAUSE
THERE'S A LOT OF THEM OUT THERE.
TRAVEL IS A BIGGEST RUSE.
LIKE PEOPLE THAT LIKE MUSEUMS.
LIARS, LIARS.
>> LIKE WHEN YOU -- YOU THINK OF
THE UGLY CHICKS.
>> YEAH.
EXACTLY, GAVIN.
>> WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
>> THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT UGLY.
>> YOU WILL NOT BE REMEMBERED.
>> WILL BE A WONDERFUL NIGHT BUT
WE WILL MOVE ON.
GAVIN!
>> OH GOD.
>> ANSWER THE QUESTION THAT'S IN
YOUR HEAD.
>> I ACTUALLY THINK TOMATOES.
SUPER DUPER SERIOUS.
>> YES?
>> THAT THIS TRAVELING IS THE
BANE OF THE WEST'S EXISTENCE.
>> HERE WE GO.
>> ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
>> PLEASE.
>> SO WE HAVE THESE GUY THAT IS
GO AROUND WITH A HUGE -- FAT
CHECKBOOK AND LIKE JOE --
ANYBODY FROM JOE TO PINCH --
>> YEAH.
>> "THE NEW YORK TIMES" GUY.
>> YEAH.
>> GO TO SOMALIA AND HAVE A
FANCY LITTLE DINNER AND GO TO
BARCELONA.
WE HAD TAPPAS.
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
THEY GET IN THEIR HEAD THAT
MULTICULTURALISM IS WONDERFUL
BECAUSE IT'S DELICIOUS MEALS.
>> AND STAYING AT THE FOUR
SEASONS.
>> SO THEY COME BACK TO AMERICA
AND THEY GO, DIVERSITY IS OUR
STRENGTH BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO
IDEA HOW MANY WONDERFUL DESSERTS
WE CAN HAVE SO THEN WE END UP
WITH OUR NEIGHBOR DOING FEMALE
CIRCUMCISION ON HER 8-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER.
>> I WAS GOING TO JUMP IN.
NO WAY.
>> THE PINCH OF THE WORLD SAID I
DON'T KNOW WHEN I WAS THERE IT
WAS FUN.
>> I KNOW WHAT YOU DO.
YOUR POINT IS MOST PEOPLE DON'T
SEE THE UGLY SIDE OF THE
CULTURE.
>> THEY DO A DIP INTO THE BEST
THEY HAVE TO OFFER AND WHY EVERY
PRO DIVERSITY PERSON ALWAYS
MENTIONS RESTAURANTS.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DID ON
VACATION.
>> LAST WORD?
>> YES.
STUDY SHOWS THAT TRAVELING IS
GOOD FOR YOU, THAT WAS WHEN THE
STUDY SPONSORED BY TRAVEL
BOARDS.
NEXT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WE GOT TO TAKE A BREAK.
MORE STUFF WHEN WE COME BACK.
BY THE WAY, MY NEW BOOK, "NOT
COOL" MARCH PREORDER IT.
JOOIRK FINAL BLOW FROM BELOW?
ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, A
SUPER VOLCANO IS LARGER THAN
THOUGHT STRETCHING MORE THAN 55
MILES.
SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE
POTENTIAL TO ERUPT WITH A FORCE
2,000 TIMES THE SIZE OF THE 1980
ERUPTION OF MT. ST. HELENS.
NO ONE IS MORE AFRAID OF WHAT IT
MEANS FOR THE WORLD THAN
FRIGHTENED CORRESPONDENT JOE
MACKEY.
COULD THIS ERUPT AT ANY SNOEMT.
>> WELL, THE ONLY GOOD NEWS IS
THAT SCIENTISTS THINK WE COULD
HAVE A FEW YEARS OF WARNING
BEFORE THE VOLCANO ERUPTS.
BAD NEWS IS THEY THINK IT COULD
KILL EVERY HUMAN AND PROBABLY
KILLED IN THE MASS PANIC BEFORE
THE VOLCANO FINISHES THE JOB.
>> THAT IS DEPRESSING.
WHY IS IT TAKE SO LONG TO FIGURE
IT SNOUT.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
YOU WOULD THINK IT'S HIGH ON THE
LIST OF THINGS TO STUDY BUT WE
KNOW LESS ABOUT SUPER VOLCANOS
THAN REGULAR VOLCANOS.
THAT'S BACKWARDS.
>> IT IS.
HOW FAR SHOULD WE EXPECT THE
ERUPTION TO HIT?
>> WE ARE NOT SAFE IN NEW YORK.
IT COULD GET US HERE.
>> REALLY?
>> YEP.
ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
GLOBAL KILLER.
>> YES.
FAIRLY DEFINITIVE ON THIS ONE.
SHOULD WE EVACUATE?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'D GO.
MY ADVICE IS GET AN ABANDONED
MISSILE SILO AND REEMERGE AFTER
NUCLEAR WINTER AND YOUR BET TO
BE EVIL.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
IT'S SO TRUE.
I'M WITH YOU ON THAT.
NEXT STORY.
A MAN IN GHANA WAS REPORTEDLY
BIT ON THE *** BY A LARGE
SNAKE ON A PUBLIC TOY LIT AND
ALMOST COLLAPSED AND SAW THAT IT
WAS GOING TO BITE HIM.
USING PUBLIC TOILETS SCARY
ENOUGH AND NOW ***-BITING
SNAKES?
>> I DON'T USE THEM ANYMORE.
GERMS, MAKES AND PEOPLE KNOCKING
ON THE DOOR, I HATE THAT, I JUST
DON'T GO NEAR THEM.
>> THAT IS IT.
THE WORST THING IS PEOPLE
KNOCKING ON THE DOOR.
>> I CAN'T CONCENTRATE.
>> STILL.
I ALWAYS HATE IT WHEN THE DOOR
IS LOCKED AND THEY JIGGLE IT.
>> I KNOW.
IT'S -- HOW MANY DOORS HAVE YOU
HAD WHERE YOU CAN'T OPEN?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE
THINKING.
>> YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON HOW TO
PREVENT AN ATTACK?
>> WELL, I WOULD SAY ONLY GO TO
DISGUSTING BATHROOMS.
SNAKES ABANDON NEW YORK CITY
BATHROOMS BACK IN THE '70s.
THEY WON'T GO NEAR THEM.
>> REALLY.
SHOULD WE JUST GO 0 THE BATHROOM
IN THE WOODS?
>> YOU'VE HAD NO SURVIVAL
TRAINING AT ALL BECAUSE YOU'RE
HEADING OUT OF SNAKE COUNTRY
INTO BEAR COUNTRY.
THAT'S WORSE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WELL, OKAY, NEXT STORY "CONSUMER
REPORTS" SAY HALF OF ALL CHICKEN
*** HAVE A BACTERIA SUPER
BUG.
EATING CHICKEN, LIKE A 50/50
CHANCE OF DEATH?
>> PRETTY MUCH.
WE HAVE MULTIPLE DRUG RESISTANT
BACTERIA, EXTENSIVE RESISTANTBA
RESISTANT BACTERIA.
WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF
ANTIBIOTICS AS FAR AS WE RUN OUT
OF ADJECTIVES.
PRETTY BAD.
>> COULD IT BE A SFOIR GET US TO
EAT MORE BEEF?
>> COULD BE OR A STRANGE NEW
MARKETING COME PAIN BY PETA
WHICH I DON'T LIKE WITH NO NAKED
ACTRESSES.
I PREFER THE OLD CAMPAIGN.
>> REALLY QUICK.
ALLIGATORS ARE NOW USING SMALL
STICKS AS STICKS TO ATTRACT
BIRDS LOOKING FOR NESTING
MATERIALS.
THAT'S WEIRD.
USING TOOLS.
>> TERRIFYING.
THAT'S WHY I SAY WHEN PEOPLE ASK
ABOUT GUN CONTROL, I SAY ASK ME
AFTER THERE ARE NO MORE
ALLIGATORS.
GET RID OF THEM.
>> I'M GOING TO STEAL THAT LINE.
LAST QUESTION.
IF YOU SEE AN ALLIGATOR WITH A
STICK OR YOU SEE A STICK, SHOULD
YOU ASSUME THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR
HOLDING IT?
>> UNLESS IT'S A SALTWATER BODY
OF WATER.
ASSUME THERE'S AN ALLIGATOR
UNDER THERE.
THAT'S WHY I SAY LET'S BOMB THE
EVERGLADES WITH -- TAKE THEM OUT
BEFORE THEY GET US.
>> I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK,
JOE.
HAVE A CALM WEEKEND.
>> YOU THE SAME.
GREAT HOLIDAY.
>> YES.
WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING AT KRIS
SNAS.
>> HUNKERED DOWN WITH THE FAM IN
AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION.
>> THAT'S NICE.
GOOD.
ENJOY YOURSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE SHOW?
E-MAIL US.
GOT A VIDEO OF YOUR ANIMAL DOING
SOMETHING?
CLICK ON SUBMIT A VIDEO.
WE MIGHT USE IT.
COMING UP, A STRANGE PROPOSAL.
>> HIS HANDS WERE IN CUFFS.
THE OKLAHOMA MAN PROPOSED TO HIS
GIRLFRIEND WHILE AN OFFICER
ARRESTED HIM ON TWO OUTSTANDING
WARRANTS.
THEY SPOTTED HIM IN A LOCAL PARK
AND TOLD HIM TO PUT HIS HANDS
BEHIND HIS BACK.
HE EXPLAINED HE WAS ABOUT TO POP
THE QUESTION AND ASKED IF HE
COULD FINISH THE PROPOSAL AND
THE OFFICER AGREED.
WHEN THE GIRLFRIEND SAID YES,
JUSTIN SKZ THE OFFICER TO GIVE
IT TO HER.
THE GIRLFRIEND'S FIANCE SAID
EVERYONE THINKS HE IS A BAD GUY,
BUT HE'S NOT.
>> WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
>> HE COMPLETES YOU?
>> YES AND I COMPLETE HIM.
HE'S MY ROCK AND I'M HIS ROCK.
>> THIS IS SO ROMANTIC.
>> WOULD YOU HAVE SAID YES?
>> NO.
>> BUT YOU ARE NOT A ONE.
IT'S TERRIBLE.
>> STOP IT.
HE'S A MONSTER.
>> YOU WOULD GIVE IT A TWO.
>> YOU ARE A NEGATIVE 7.
>> ENOUGH OUT OF YOUR HAIRY
MOUTH.
>> HE'S YOUR ROCK AND I'M HIS
ROCK.
SHE WILL HAVE TO GIVE UP THE
ROCK FOR BAIL MONEY TO GET HIM
OUT.
I THINK IT'S FUNNY.
SHE EVENTUALLY SAID YES.
IT'S THE SHOCK OR LIBERATING.
I HOPE THEY ARE VERY HAPPY
TOGETHER.
>> IT'S A GREAT STORY TO TELL
THEIR MANY CHILDREN.
>> I WANT WHOEVER INTERVIEWED
HER TO GO TO JAIL.
HE COMPLETES YOU?
SHUT UP.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
>> I LOVE THAT.
WHERE IS THAT FROM?
>> JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE IT UP.
>> FOR HER TO SAY AND NOT THE
ANCHORS.
>> SHE WAS LOOKING FOR THE
QUOTE.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
I WROTE THIS JOKE.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A
WEDDING PROPOSAL AND AN ARREST.
NOTHING.
>> PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEY
ARE NOT SATISFIED.
HE'S IN JAIL AND NOW HE'S
ENGAGED.
ISN'T THAT LIKE BEING IN TWO
PRISONS?
>> I WILL SAY THIS.
APPARENTLY THE POLICE WILL LET
YOU FINISH A PROPOSAL, BUT THEY
WON'T LET YOU FINISH ANYTHING
WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKE AN ICE
CREAM CONE YOU MAY HAVE IN YOUR
HAND.
>> INTERESTING.
>> ALL RIGHT.
HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?
>> ASK ME.
>> I AM THINKING OF AVOIDING
YOU.
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?
>> WHAT A GREAT THING.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?
GILBERT GODFREY IS BEING RUN
OVER BY A STEAM ROLLER.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?
>> I WILL TELL YOU.
QUICKLY.
>> I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS WHO
WILL GET THE RING AND HOLD IT IN
THEIR POCKET FOR MONTHS AND
MONTHS.
THEY WILL VISIT NEPAL AND BE ON
MOUNTAIN TOPS AND AT THEIR
MOTHER'S HOUSE AND AT SOME
CASTLE WHERE THE GREAT
GRANDFATHER GOT ***.
>> BUST IT OUT, DUDE.
THEY NEVER KNEW AND THEY FINALLY
PROPOSED WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIS
BUTT CRACK.