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LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF,
MR. CONNORS.
Christian: BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D
JUST LIKE TO SAY...UH, MY
PARTNER AND I ARE BIG FANS OF
YOUR COLUMN.
Sean: WE READ IT OVER
BREAKFAST IN MY HOUSE.
Christian: I LOVE THE ONE THAT
WITH LEAVES.
THE COLUMN ABOUT HOW YOU LIVED
FOR A MONTH AS AN 18th-CENTURY
SETTLER TO PROVE THE
INCONVENIENCE OF MODERN
CONVENIENCES.
Mr. Connors: RIGHT. AND
INTERESTING YOU REMEMBER MY ***
HABITS. I JUST REMEMBER HOW
FETCHING MY WIFE LOOKED IN HER
BLOOMERS.
Mrs. Connors: LIVING IN A
FISHBOWL IS ALL IN A DAY'S WORK
AS THIS ONE'S WIFE.
Christian: SO HOW CAN WE BE OF
HELP TODAY?
Mr. Connors: WELL, I'D LIKE SOME
Sean: YOU MEAN PEC IMPLANTS.
Mr. Connors: NO, NO. REAL LADY
***.
[MRS. CONNORS GIGGLES]
Mr. Connors: AMY RECENTLY LOST A
BREAST TO CANCER. WE WERE BOTH
A LITTLE SURPRISED AT HOW MUCH
HER SENSE OF HERSELF, HER ***
IDENTITY WAS TIED UP IN HER
***. I JUST WANT TO DO
SOMETHING RADICAL IN SOLIDARITY
WITH HER, TRY AND HELP
UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE'S BEEN
THROUGH, AND TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN
AND THEIR *** IN GENERAL.
Amy: AND HE'S GOT A BOOK
CONTRACT.
Mr. Connors: WALK A MILE IN MY
***.
AND ALL THE PROCEEDS GO
TO AMY'S CANCER RECOVERY CENTER.
Christian: SO, MR. CONNORS, WERE
YOU THINKING OF THESE AS
PERMANENT?
Mr. Connors: NO. A YEAR SOUNDS
ABOUT RIGHT.
Sean: AND WHAT SIZE?
Mr. Connors: LIKE HERS.
Amy: HIGH "C"s. I FIGURED AFTER
MY MASTECTOMY, I'D GO UP
A SIZE.
Sean: MR. CONNORS, PUTTING THE
SWELLING, PAIN, AND RISK OF
INFECTION ASIDE, YOU'LL HAVE
SOME SAGGING TISSUE AFTER THE
REMOVAL OF THE IMPLANTS, WHICH
WOULD REQUIRE ANOTHER SURGERY TO
ELIMINATE.
Christian: THERE WILL BE SOME
SCARRING.
Mr. Connors: SORRY, FELLAS.
APPETITE. THERE'S NO STORY IN
EASY. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M
LOOKING FOR. AND BESIDES,
ANYTHING I GO THROUGH IS GOING
TO PALE IN COMPARISON TO WHAT
AMY'S ALREADY BEEN THROUGH.
THAT'S MY BOOK.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? WILL YOU DO IT?
Christian: GO DEEP.
COP A FEEL OF THE BRAND-NEW
IMPLANTS, PARTNER. FED EX
DROPPED OFF 6 MONTHS WORTH OF
*** AN HOUR AGO.
Sean: I LIKE THE NEW PACKAGING.
LET ME GO TO SECOND BASE WITH
Christian: HEADS UP!
Liz: OH! I ASSUME THIS IS SOME
KIND OF MALE BONDING RITUAL
WHEREBY YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS
BEING REAFFIRMED.
Christian: FESS UP, LIZZIE.
YOU'RE A *** MAN.
Liz: I'M NOT. BUT I AM THRILLED
THAT WE'RE WORKING ON ONE. IS
THIS WHAT IKE CONNORS
Christian: WE'RE PASSING ON THAT
Sean: TOO MANY RISKS.
Liz: IT'S FOR HIS WIFE'S CANCER
CENTER. DON'T YOU GET HOW GREAT
THAT IS?
Christian: GREAT FOR CANCER,
Sean: WE WON'T BE TAKEN
SERIOUSLY. IT'S AN UNSEEMLY
PUBLICITY STUNT.
Liz: LET ME ASK YOU GUYS
SOMETHING. 70% OF YOUR BUSINESS
IS SHOVING BREAST IMPLANTS INTO
WOMEN. IT'S AS EASY FOR YOU AS
SLICING A BAGEL.
Christian: IT'S UNNATURAL TO PUT
THEM IN A MAN.
Liz: IT'S NO MORE UNNATURAL THAN
PUTTING IN A *** 3 TIMES A
WOMAN'S SIZE AND DISFIGURING
HER.
Sean: WE DON'T DISFIGURE WOMEN.
Liz: OH, RIGHT. YOU ENHANCE
THEM. WHY CAN'T THE SAME BE SAID
FOR IKE CONNORS? PLUS, HERE IS
A MAN WHO IS GETTING FAKE
*** NOT TO RAISE HIS LOW
SELF ESTEEM BUT TO HEIGHTEN
AWARENESS ABOUT A DISEASE. IF
IKE CONNORS ISN'T THE PERFECT
CANDIDATE FOR COSMETIC SURGERY,
THEN I DON'T KNOW WHO IS.
♪ AHH ♪
♪ MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL ♪
♪ MAKE ME
A PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIFE ♪
Sean: ATTA GIRL.
ALL DONE.
Annie: I THOUGHT IT WOULD HURT
MORE.
Sean: OH, YOU WERE SO BRAVE,
HONEY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Annie: HELLO?
Julia: HEY.
Annie: HI, MOMMY. DADDY JUST
TOOK MY BLOOD TO MAKE SURE I
DON'T HAVE JUVENILE DIABETES.
Julia: DIABETES? LET ME SPEAK TO
DADDY, HONEY.
Sean: WHAT?
Julia: SEAN, WHY ARE YOU TAKING
BLOOD FROM ANNIE?
Sean: GO GET YOUR SHOES ON,
SWEETHEART. WE'RE LEAVING IN 5
MINUTES.
WHY DO YOU THINK?
Julia: SEAN, IT'S AN INSANE
THING TO DO. ANNIE IS YOUR
DAUGHTER--
Sean: CAN I HELP YOU WITH
SOMETHING SPECIFIC?
Julia: YEAH. UM...
I'VE TAKEN A PLACE HERE AT
MARINE GARDENS, AND...THE
KITCHEN ISN'T FULLY EQUIPPED.
I'D LIKE TO COME BY AND GET THE
ESPRESSO MACHINE. YOU NEVER USE
IT. WILL YOU BE AROUND?
Sean: THE HOUSE WILL BE EMPTY
ALL DAY. COME BY ANY TIME BEFORE
5. ANYTHING ELSE? LET'S GET IT
ALL WORKED OUT NOW SO YOU DON'T
CALL ALL DAY LONG.
Julia: YEAH. UM...I'D LIKE TO
PICK UP ANNIE AFTER SCHOOL AND
SHOW HER MY PLACE.
Sean: NO, I DON'T WANT TO
Julia: SEAN, WHY IS IS THAT YOU
CAN FORGIVE CHRISTIAN BUT NOT
ME?
Sean: I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE
DARE YOU ASK ME THAT, AS IF I
OWE YOU ANY KIND OF EXPLANATION
AT ALL FOR ANYTHING I FEEL. YOU
CAN HAVE ANNIE THROUGH THE
WEEKEND, BUT IT'S THE LAST TIME
UNTIL WE WORK OUT SOMETHING MORE
FORMAL WITH THE LAWYERS.
Christian: CONGRATULATIONS. SO
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY A *** NOW.
Kimber: WRONG. I'M A BUSINESS
WOMAN.
Christian: AND I'M SECRETARY OF
Sean: MS. HENRY, YOU'VE MADE AN
APPOINTMENT, SO TELL US WHAT YOU
DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
Kimber: HER ***. THIS IS A
PROTOTYPE OF THE NEW KIMBER
HENRY DOLL. THE ROLLS ROYCE OF
R.D.s.
Sean: R.D.s?
Kimber: REAL DOLLS. YOU KNOW,
SEX DOLLS. SHE'S MADE OUT OF
HIGH GRADE SILICONE THAT FEELS
TOTALLY LIKE FLESH. ALL OF HER
JOINTS ARE COMPLETELY FLEXIBLE,
AND EACH OF HER 3 POINTS OF
ENTRY FORM A VACUUM UPON
PENETRATION WHICH CREATES A
SUCTION EFFECT FOR SUPER-INTENSE
ORGASMS.
Christian: REMIND ME...DID I
EVER SAY ANYTHING DURING THE
COURSE OF OUR SAD, SORDID AFFAIR
THAT MIGHT LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE
I'D BE INTERESTED IN THIS
FREAK SHOW?
Kimber: DON'T PRETEND TO BE A
PRUDE, CHRISTIAN. REAL DOLLS ARE
SOLD TO DOCTORS, JUDGES,
HOUSEWIVES, AND MOVIE STARS,
MOST OF WHOM ARE A LOT LESS
DEPRAVED THAN YOU.
Christian: ARE YOU BACK ON COKE?
Kimber: DO YOU ASK ALL YOUR
QUESTIONS?
EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE,
DR. McNAMARA, BUT YOUR PARTNER
IS A RUDE *** WHO ACTS LIKE
HE KNOWS IT ALL, BUT IN FACT, HE
DOESN'T KNOW ***.
Sean: YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST TO
SUGGEST THAT, MS. HENRY. WHAT IS
IT YOU WANT FROM US THAT YOUR
DOLL MAKER CAN'T PROVIDE?
Kimber: I'M NOT THRILLED WITH
WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO HER ***.
IT LOOKS TOO GENERIC TO ME. I'D
LIKE IT TO BE APPEALING AND
PRETTY. THE FOLDS ARE TOO
FLESHY. SEE?
SO I THOUGHT OF YOU BECAUSE
YOU'RE FLESH SCULPTORS.
I HAVE ORIFICE APPROVAL.
Christian: BACK UP A BIT. THE
LAST I HEARD, YOU WERE TAKING
LEARNING ANNEX ACTING CLASSES.
SO HOW DID YOU GET FROM LADY
Kimber: I GOT REAL, CHRISTIAN.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. I REALIZED
IT WASN'T MY TALENT FOR PLAYING
A CHARACTER THAT PEOPLE
RESPONDED TO. IT'S MY RAW,
SIMMERING SENSUALITY.
I SIMPLY GOT TIRED OF FIGHTING
MY NATURE.
Christian: WHY DON'T YOU
JUST ADMIT THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE
SKILLS AS AN ACTRESS, SO NOW
YOU'RE DOING ***.
Kimber: YOU ASKED ME WHAT
HAPPENED. DO YOU WANT AN ANSWER?
YES, I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC
VIDEO. IT WAS AN *** FAIRY
TALE. I HAD ONE *** PARTNER.
EVERYONE HAD THEIR AIDS AND
S.T.D. TESTS.
Christian: [SIGHS]
Kimber: THEY'VE ALREADY HAD
40,000 ORDERS FOR THE NEXT ONE.
THAT'S UNHEARD OF. MY DEAL WITH
FLAWLESS VIDEO IS TO MAKE 5 MORE
DIGITAL FILMS, AT WHICH POINT I
MOVE BEHIND THE CAMERA. PRODUCE,
MAYBE EVEN DIRECT. THE DOLL IS
KEY. IT WILL MAKE ME AN INSTANT
ICON IN THIS FAST-GROWING
MARKET. MISS KIMBER WILL GO FOR
$10,000. I GET 8 OF THAT.
Sean: NO OFFENSE. I CAN SEE THE
DOLL IS WELL FABRICATED, BUT IN
THE END, SHE'S JUST RUBBER.
SHE'S NOT REAL.
Kimber: SOMETIMES, DOCTOR, REAL
ISN'T WHAT YOU WANT.
Christian: THE GROWN-UPS HAVE TO
SO WHY DON'T YOU PACK UP BOTH OF
YOUR VAGINAS AND GO HOME. SEAN,
I'LL SEE YOU IN SURGERY.
Kimber: BEFORE YOU TURN ME DOWN,
CHRISTIAN, FLAWLESS VIDEO IS
WILLING TO PAY $50,000 FOR THE
PERFECT MISS KIMBER *** MOLD.
Christian: [SIGHS HEAVILY]
[JOHNNY CASH'S A BOY NAMED SUE
PLAYING]
♪ WELL, MY DADDY LEFT HOME
WHEN I WAS 3,
AND HE DIDN'T LEAVE MUCH
TO MA AND ME,
JUST THIS OLD GUITAR
AND A EMPTY BOTTLE OF ***,
NOW, I DON'T BLAME HIM
'CAUSE HE RUN AND HID,
'CAUSE THE MEANEST THING
THAT HE EVER DID
WAS BEFORE HE LEFT,
HE WENT AND NAMED ME SUE
WELL, HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT
THAT IT WAS QUITE A JOKE,
AND IT GOT A LOT OF LAUGHS
FROM A LOTS OF FOLKS,
IT SEEMS I HAD TO FIGHT
MY WHOLE LIFE THROUGH,
SOME GAL WOULD GIGGLE
AND I'D GET RED,
AND SOME GUY'D LAUGH
AND I'D BUST HIS HEAD,
I TELL YOU,
LIFE AIN'T EASY
FOR A BOY NAMED SUE ♪
♪ WELL, I GREW UP QUICK
AND I GREW UP MEAN,
MY FIST GOT HARD
AND MY WITS GOT KEEN,
ROAMED FROM TOWN TO TOWN
TO HIDE MY SHAME,
BUT I MADE ME A VOW
TO THE MOON AND STARS,
I'D SEARCH THE *** TONKS
AND BARS,
AND KILL THAT MAN
THAT GIVE ME THAT AWFUL NAME ♪
Sean: SHE'S OFFERING $50,000,
CHRISTIAN. IT'S A LOT OF MONEY
TO TURN DOWN.
Christian: WAKE UP, SEAN.
THERE'S ONLY ONE REASON KIMBER
HENRY CAME TO US. SHE LOVES ME.
THE UGLY *** WAS JUST AN EXCUSE
TO GET ME IN A ROOM WITH HER
AGAIN. SHE'S A TRAIN WRECK,
SEAN. SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH KIMBER HENRY
DRAMA FOR MANY LIFETIMES. WE ARE
PASSING ON THIS JOB.
Sean: I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE
HOW MUCH REVENUE WE LOST DURING
THOSE WEEKS WE WERE SPLITTING
UP. WE'VE GOT A PAYROLL TO MEET,
QUARTERLY TAXES NEXT WEEK.
Christian: THEN IT'S VERY
Sean: SHE DOESN'T WANT ME,
CHRISTIAN. SHE WANTS YOU. THAT
WAS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR.
Christian: THEN IF SHE REFUSES
YOU, WE'LL KNOW SHE'S LOOKING
FOR TROUBLE, AND IF SHE ACCEPTS,
SHE'S LEGIT, AND WE PUT 50
GRAND IN THE BANK. YOU KNOW I'M
RIGHT ABOUT THIS.
Liz: SMILE.
Sean: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Liz: IT'S FOR MY EVER-EXPANDING
HARASSMENT FILE, WHICH WILL BE
ON MY LAWYER'S DESK UNLESS YOU
GET RID OF THAT DEMEANING,
DEHUMANIZING, DEGRADING
NIGHTMARE OF A MALE FANTASY BY
THE START OF BUSINESS TOMORROW.
Christian: IF YOU TRY TO GET TO
FIND SHE RUNS QUITE DEEP.
Liz: BY 9 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING,
GENTLEMEN. GOOD DAY.
Christian: SHE'S RIGHT, SEAN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE THE DOLL TO
CHEZ McNAMARA.
Sean: I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
Christian: THEN PUT HER IN THE
THE DOLL.
Sean: YOU TAKE HER HOME.
Christian: SO I CAN STARE FOR
HOURS AT THE DERANGED *** WHO
TRIED TO CUT MY *** OFF WITH A
KNIFE? NO WAY. YOU WANT TO TAKE
THIS CASE, YOU CARRY THE BURDEN.
ACTUALLY, IT COULD BE A PLEASANT
EVENING. SHE DOESN'T EAT MUCH,
SHE DOESN'T MIND WATCHING
BOXING.
Sean: MAYBE I'M OLD FASHIONED,
BUT I LIKE WOMEN WITH A FEW
FLAWS AND A BRAIN.
Christian: AND WHERE DID THAT
MMM.
[SIGHS]
Sean: I'M GOING TO APPLY THE
PROSTHETIC ALGINATE CREAM NOW.
OH, GOOD FORESIGHT. YOU SHAVED
THE ENTIRE AREA.
Kimber: I GOT THAT DONE A WEEK
HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN ONE
BEFORE?
Sean: NORMALLY MY FEMALE
PATIENTS ARE SHAVED BY NURSE
LINDA, SO I--MY WIFE DOES
SOMETHING CALLED A BIKINI WAX,
WHICH IS NOT THE SAME,
OBVIOUSLY. NO. I'VE NEVER SEEN
ONE.
Kimber: ALL THE GIRLS GET THEM
Sean: LET ME KNOW IF THE
TEMPERATURE OF THE PASTE IS
UNCOMFORTABLE.
Kimber: IT'S PERFECT.
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SEAN?
CAN I CALL YOU SEAN?
Sean: YEAH, SURE.
Kimber: WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A
PERSON LIKES PAIN?
Sean: A ***.
Kimber: DO YOU THINK I'M A
***, SEAN?
Sean: I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU
MEAN.
Kimber: WELL, LIKE TODAY, WHEN
YOU SAID THAT CHRISTIAN
COULDN'T--EXCUSE ME, WOULDN'T
BE HERE...I FELT SO MUCH PAIN,
LIKE I COULDN'T BREATHE. HOW CAN
I LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT
HURTS ME SO BAD?
Sean: SOMETIMES LOVE AND HATE
SEEM INTERTWINED, DON'T THEY?
NOW WE HAVE WHAT'S CALLED THE
MOTHER MOLD. I'LL MAKE A
POSITIVE PLASTER CAST FROM THIS,
WHICH WILL THEN BE USED TO MAKE
THE FINAL VAGINAL CAST FOR
MISS KIMBER.
Kimber: WELL, THIS DID NOT HURT
A BIT.
Sean: YEAH...SPEAKING OF HURT...
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A
***, KIMBER. I JUST THINK
YOU'RE A TRUSTING PERSON...MAYBE
TOO TRUSTING. I'M A BIT LIKE
THAT. WE PUT ALL OUR TRUST IN
THE PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Kimber: SO YOU DON'T THINK I'M
SOME PATHETIC OLD *** LIKE
CHRISTIAN DOES?
Sean: NO, I DON'T THINK THAT.
I ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT. YOU'RE A
FIGHTER.
Kimber: REALLY? YOU ADMIRE ME?
Sean: I WISH I HAD THAT MUCH
WORKED OUT.
I WISH MY WIFE DID.
WE, UM...JUST SEPARATED.
Kimber: MMM. I'M SORRY.
[SIGHS]
UH...
Sean: WHAT?
Kimber: UGH. OK. SPEAKING OF
CHANGE...
[SIGHS]
I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF CHEATING.
NO ONE'S GONNA KNOW.
WHEN YOU MAKE THE MOLD, DO YOU
THINK YOU COULD MAKE THE ***
JUST A TOUCH MORE DELICATE?
Sean: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
Kimber: I'D LIKE MY *** TO BE
PRETTIER. I JUST THINK IT COULD
BE BETTER.
Sean: I THINK IT'S PERFECT.
[TEARING BANDAGES]
Ike: [WINCING]
MMM. DID YOU HURT THIS MUCH,
BABE?
Amy: I REMEMBER DISCOMFORT.
Ike: DISCOMFORT. OH, ***. YEAH,
THIS IS PAIN. THIS IS THE REAL
DEAL. THIS IS LIKE AN ELEPHANT
STANDING ON MY ***. CHAPTER
ONE, MEN ARE ***, WOMEN ARE
LIONS.
[SIGHS]
CHRIST, I'M PAM ANDERSON.
BABE?
Amy: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL WORK,
DR. TROY. HEH.
Christian: I'M GLAD YOU'RE
DOWN OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.
Amy: CAN I TOUCH THEM?
Ike: YEAH, SURE. BE GENTLE.
YOU LIKE 'EM?
I KIND OF LIKE 'EM.
Christian: HEH. GOOD.
Ike: HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
Amy: I DON'T KNOW. I'M SORRY,
CAN YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A MINUTE?
Liz: AHEM.
Christian: AHEM.
Ike: OK, YOU'RE A WOMAN. ANY
IDEAS ON WHAT JUST HAPPENED
THERE?
Liz: WELL, SHE'S PROBABLY
RELIVING SOMETHING ABOUT THE
CANCER TRAUMA.
Christian: RIGHT.
Ike: BINGO. YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE
BREAST AS LIGHTNING ROD.
Announcer: STRANGE TO SAY THIS
ONE-SIDED FIGHT SO FAR, BUT
IMMANUEL, IS--IS THIS THE
TOUGHEST TEST IN JERMAINE
TAYLOR'S CAREER SO FAR?
Second Announcer: I'D SAY SO,
GOOD SPEED, GOOD PUNCHING
POWER, AND IT IS ACTUALLY A
CHALLENGE TO HIM, EVEN AFTER THE
BELL RINGS.
Sean: [GROANS]
Second Announcer: EVEN THOUGH
HE'S RUNNING IT, THE GUY IS
CHALLENGING HIM ALL THE WAY.
Announcer: SO ONE OF THE REASONS
THAT JERMAINE LOOKS SO GOOD
TONIGHT IS BECAUSE HE'S IN
AGAINST BETTER OPPOSITION THAN
BEFORE.
[DIALING TELEPHONE]
Man: KID, BEHIND YOU!
Boy: AAH!
Man, Japanese accent: SORRY!
Second Man: [KARATE SOUNDS]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Julia: HELLO?
Sean: YOU LEFT 4 MESSAGES. THIS
BETTER BE IMPORTANT.
Julia: UH, I WANT TO PICK UP THE
WAFFLE IRON.
Sean: 4 CALLS FOR A WAFFLE IRON?
Julia: I ALWAYS MAKE WAFFLES ON
THE WEEKEND, AND I WANT TO KEEP
UP SOME DEGREE OF NORMALCY
AMIDST ALL THIS CHAOS.
Sean: EVER HEARD OF WAL-MART,
Julia: YOU'RE BEING SO HATEFUL,
SEAN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO
YOU ARE.
Sean: YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I'M
DIDN'T KEEP YOU FROM BETRAYING
ME. NICE DIDN'T KEEP MY FAMILY
TOGETHER. I WANT TO TRY
SOMETHING NEW.
Julia: DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
YOU WERE NEVER NICE. YOU WERE
JUST REPRESSED. YOU WEREN'T
PUSHING DOWN LOVE. YOU WERE
PUSHING DOWN ANGER.
Sean: YOU WANT ANGER? HOW ABOUT
THIS?
[DIAL TONE]
Announcer: NO NEED TO GO CRAZY.
GET ON HIS *** AND LAND HIM
A SHOT. ONE OF THE BEST THINGS
YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU LAND THAT
SHOT TO THE HEAD? TURN TO THE
BODY. THERE'S NOTHING MORE
DEMEANING. IT JUST TAKES IT--
IT JUST BREAKS IT DOWN, OK?
HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
GOTTA DO.
Kimber: YOUR WIFE IS SUCH A
***.
Sean: I KNOW.
Kimber: YOU NEED A WOMAN WHO
DOESN'T TALK BACK.
YOU NEED A WOMAN WHO LETS YOU
TAKE OUT ALL THAT ANGER ON HER.
Announcer: THAT'S GOT TO BE A
LITTLE HUMILIATING.
Second Announcer: HE HASN'T BEEN
IT WAS SUCH A ONE-SIDED THING.
[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]
Announcer: IT ISN'T OVER YET.
HE'LL PICK UP THE COUNT.
I THOUGHT HE HAD STOPPED IT.
[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]
[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]
[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]
Sean: OH...
OH...
[PANTING]
[STRAINS]
Julia: SEAN, STOP!
Sean: [GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
Kimber: [MOANING]
OH...
GIVE IT TO ME, BABY.
[BOTH PANTING]
Sean: OHH.
[PANTING]
[PANTING CONTINUES]
[CRYING]
[CRYING CONTINUES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Sean: HANG ON, *** IT.
Kimber: I'M SO SORRY, SEAN. MY
DOLL MAKERS NEED THE PROTOTYPE
BACK BY 9 A.M. TOMORROW FOR THE
VEGAS RETAIL SHOW. I CALLED YOUR
OFFICES, AND I WAS TOLD YOU HAD
IT HERE. I CALLED SEVERAL
TIMES, BUT I THOUGHT I'D SWING
BY JUST IN CASE.
ARE YOU OK?
Sean: JUST A LITTLE SURPRISED
IS ALL.
Kimber: DID YOU PUT IN THE NEW
***?
Sean: UH, NO.
Kimber: THEN WHY DOES SHE LOOK
SO DISHEVELED?
Sean: THIS IS REALLY
EMBARRASSING, KIMBER.
I HAD A LITTLE FUN WITH IT.
Kimber: HOW WAS IT?
Sean: DON'T YOU THINK IT'S
STRANGE THAT I'VE MADE IT WITH A
DOLL?
Kimber: I THINK THERE WOULD BE
DIDN'T. I MEAN, SHE'S HERE, AND
YOU'RE ALONE. WHO WOULDN'T?
SEAN, WHAT'S WRONG?
Sean: I MISS HER.
Kimber: AWW.
Sean: I JUST MISS HER.
Kimber: I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
I MISS CHRISTIAN LIKE THAT
SOMETIMES, TOO.
Sean: WHY ARE YOU SO NICE TO ME?
Kimber: 'CAUSE YOU NEED IT, AND
BECAUSE YOU WERE NICE TO ME.
Sean: THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.
I'M SORRY.
Kimber: I'M NOT.
[BOTH MOANING LOUDLY]
Kimber: OH, MY GOD.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH PANTING]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Kimber: I BET YOUR VENUS IS IN
SCORPIO.
Sean: YOU THINK SO?
Kimber: YEAH, I'D PUT MONEY ON
IT.
Kimber: MMM. OHH...
SO...
WHEN YOU WERE MAKING IT WITH THE
ABOUT?
Sean: HONESTLY?
Kimber: MM-HMM.
Sean: YOU.
Kimber: THAT IS SO HOT.
Sean: MMM.
Kimber: MMM.
Sean: I'LL GO MAKE COFFEE.
Kimber: OH, NO, I'LL DO IT. YOU
GO TAKE YOUR SHOWER.
Sean: [PANTING]
Kimber: WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE
Julia: IN THE FREEZER.
Kimber: OH, HI. I'M KIMBER.
Julia: I'M JULIA, SEAN'S WIFE.
Kimber: I HAVE ALWAYS HEARD SUCH
NICE THINGS ABOUT YOU, JULIA.
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.
UH, SEAN...
Julia: DON'T IGNORE HER ON MY
ACCOUNT, SEAN.
Kimber: WELL, SEAN, I KIND OF
NEED MY DOLL BACK.
Julia: DOLL?
Kimber: MY DOLL.
Sean: GO WAIT IN THE CAR, HONEY.
I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.
Julia: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
SLEEPING WITH HER?
OH, GOD. I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA
BE SICK.
Sean: WELCOME TO MY WORLD. IT
DOESN'T FEEL GOOD, DOES IT?
Julia: [SNIFFLES]
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SURPRISED.
I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU AFTER I
FOUND OUT ABOUT MEGAN O'HARA.
Sean: YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS
WHY?
Julia: BECAUSE I AM
COMPASSIONATE, A QUALITY YOU
LACK.
Sean: ***. YOU DIDN'T
LEAVE SO YOU COULD HAVE SOMEONE
WRONG IN YOUR LIFE. I DID YOU
A FAVOR BY KICKING YOU OUT.
NOW MAYBE YOU'LL DO SOMETHING
BY GETTING LAID.
Julia: WHILE YOU'RE ATTACKING MY
HAVE A LOOK AT YOURS. IF YOU
DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ME AND
ABOUT WHAT WE HAD, THEN FINE.
BUT AT LEAST BE A MAN AND THINK
ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN. THEY DON'T
DESERVE TO HAVE ***
WANDERING ABOUT THEIR HOME.
Sean: KIMBER ISN'T A ***,
JULIA. AND UNLIKE YOU, KIMBER
KNOWS WHO SHE IS. KIMBER TAKES
AWAY THE PAIN.
Julia: WHOEVER YOU ARE...
TELL SEAN...
THAT I'M TAKING THE WAFFLE IRON,
AND, UH...THAT I'LL DROP ANNIE
AT HOME ON SUNDAY NIGHT.
Sean: CALL TO MAKE SURE I'M
HOME. I'M CHANGING THE LOCKS THE
MINUTE YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR.
Ike: YEAH, I WANT THEM OUT. JUST
TAKE THEM OUT.
Christian: AS YOUR SURGEON, I'D
LIKE TO KNOW WHY. IS THERE PAIN,
PROBLEMS I'M UNAWARE OF?
Ike: SURE, YEAH, THE PAIN SUCKS.
SO DOES THE PRESSURE, BUT THIS
WHOLE THING WAS JUST MISGUIDED,
AND I'M SORRY I PUT EVERYONE
THROUGH IT, OK? END OF STORY.
Christian: I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T
DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK?
Amy: YES, HE DOES. AND THE 5
ELECTRIC ADJUSTABLE BEDS THAT WE
BOUGHT FOR THE HOSPICE ALSO
HAVE TO GO BACK.
Ike: I'VE SAID I'M SORRY.
MY WIFE IS PISSED, AS YOU
CAN SEE.
Amy: YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN IT A
THE PAIN WILL DISSIPATE.
Ike: I'LL WRITE ANOTHER BOOK.
CALL IT MEN DISAPPOINT.
Amy: [SIGHS]
Christian: YOUR HUSBAND HAS A
LEVEL OF TOLERANCE FOR PAIN.
Amy: THAT'S SO HIM...JUMP INTO
THINGS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT
COURSE TO JUMP OUT OF THEM
WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THEM.
Ike: IT'S MY CHEST, MY CHOICE.
Amy: I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.
WASN'T THAT THE POINT, TO
UNDERSTAND?
Ike: DON'T GUILT ME, AMY.
I FEEL LIKE A FREAK, OK? YOU'RE
ALWAYS GRABBING AT THEM,
TOUCHING THEM. I HATE IT.
Christian: MAYBE THIS BROUGHT UP
MRS. CONNORS' FEELINGS ABOUT
LOSING HER OWN ***. MAYBE
YOUR WIFE WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW
WHAT SHE'S FEELING WHEN YOU
TOUCH HER. I HAVE THE NAME OF A
VERY GOOD COUNSELOR. HE'S HELPED
A LOT OF OUR PATIENTS.
Amy: THAT'S NOT IT.
Ike: WELL, THEN WHAT AMY? WHY DO
YOU LIKE MY *** SO MUCH? WHAT,
ARE YOU A LESBIAN?
Amy: I'M NOT SURE.
Ike: OK, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
HAVE YOU BEEN A LESBIAN THIS
WHOLE TIME SINCE THAT THING IN
COLLEGE--
Amy: I TOLD YOU WHEN WE MET,
THAT WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY
TIME.
I DON'T KNOW. I HONESTLY DON'T
KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
THESE FEELINGS--I JUST...
JUST ARE HAPPENING. I'M NOT
ASKING FOR THEM, IKE. I DIDN'T
SEE THEM COMING.
Ike: OH, THAT'S RICH. I GET
THESE *** SO I CAN BE MORE
IN TOUCH WITH MY FEMININE SIDE,
AND WHAT THEY'VE ACCOMPLISHED IS
PUTTING YOU MORE IN TOUCH WITH
YOUR INNER ***.
Amy: NICE PROSE, IKE.
YOU WONDER WHY YOU'VE NEVER WON
THE PULITZER.
Christian: NOT TO GET TOO
HAVE KNOWN MEN TO EMBRACE THEIR
WIVES' ATTRACTION TO OTHER
WOMEN. IF THE LINES ARE CLEARLY
DRAWN, THEN IT ENHANCES THEIR
SEX LIVES.
Ike: I DON'T WANT SOME FREAK
DEAL. I WANT AMY, THE OLD AMY.
MY AMY.
LIKE I SAID, JUST TAKE THEM OUT.
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC BEGINS]
Julia: HELLO.
Man: HI.
HEH. I'M ROGER.
Roger: YOU LIKE APPLE MARTINIS,
I SEE.
Julia: I...I LIKE THE COLOR MORE
THAN THE TASTE.
Roger: HEY, WE'LL TAKE THE MOST
EXPENSIVE DRINK YOU HAVE IN
GREEN, ALL RIGHT?
Julia: HEH.
Roger: HEH.
Julia: THIS IS A REALLY COOL
PLACE.
Roger: YEAH.
Julia: I LIKE THAT RETRO THING.
Roger: YEAH, I LIKE THAT, TOO.
I LIKE STAYING HERE. YOU KNOW,
WHEN I'M IN TOWN ON BUSINESS.
YEAH. THE SERVICE IS, UH...IT'S
REALLY GOOD HERE.
TOLD YOU.
Julia: HEH HEH.
Roger: THANK YOU.
Julia: [LAUGHING]
MMM. OH!
Roger: OH, MY GOD.
Julia: OH! THESE DRINKS ARE SO,
UH...STRONG.
[GIGGLES]
Roger: FEELING NO PAIN, ARE YOU?
Julia: OH, I'M FEELING IT,
BELIEVE ME.
Roger: YOU KNOW...IF YOU LIKE
GREEN DRINKS, YOU REALLY SHOULD
TRY ABSINTHE.
Julia: MMM...WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT?
[GIGGLES]
Roger: WELL, IT'S ILLEGAL, FOR
STARTERS. IT'S LIKE...IT'S LIKE
A LIQUID APHRODISIAC,
ESPECIALLY...IT MAKES YOU ***
AS HELL.
Julia: I DON'T NEED ABSINTHE TO
FEEL THAT WAY.
Roger: YOU KNOW, UH...
IF YOU LIKE THE DECOR SO MUCH,
YOU KNOW, MAYBE--MAYBE YOU'D
LIKE TO SEE ONE OF THE ROOMS.
Julia: THE CHECK, PLEASE.
[BOTH MOANING AND PANTING]
Roger: OH, MY GOD.
[PANTING]
LET ME...
LET ME GET MY THING, OK?
Julia: MMM...NOT YET. I LIKE...
I LIKE THIS PART.
Roger: OH, MY GOD. THAT IS SO
COOL THAT YOU JUST SAID THAT.
THAT'S SO HOT. OH, MY GOD.
[BOTH PANTING]
Julia: GO GET YOUR THING.
Roger: HEH HEH.
OH...
OK. ALL RIGHT.
OK. OK.
HEY...
COME HERE.
Julia: WHAT'S THIS?
Roger: THAT'S THE BLACK THUNDER.
Julia: MMM. WHY DO YOU HAVE
THIS?
Roger: IT'S MY FANTASY THAT A
GIRL USE IT ON ME, AND YOU'RE
THAT GIRL. HEH HEH HEH HEH.
Julia: ROGER, I'M REALLY NOT
INTO THIS.
Roger: OH, COME ON, COME ON,
NOT PAYING FOR STRAIGHT SEX,
ALL RIGHT? I CAN GET THAT BACK
HOME IN HOUSTON.
Julia: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
Roger: COME ON. I'LL GIVE YOU
$500, OK? BUT FOR THAT, I WANT
SOME *** FOR MY BUCK.
Julia: I'M NOT A ***.
Roger: COME ON, ENOUGH ROLE
IT ON. COME ON!
Julia: LIKE I TOLD YOU--
Roger: NO, NO, HEY! COME ON!
Julia: LET GO OF ME!
Roger: PUT IT ON, YOU LITTLE
TEASE! ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO
PLAY ROUGH? FINE. WE'LL PLAY
ROUGH. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU
WANT, AN EXTRA 250? HUH?
Julia: LET GO OF ME!
Roger: UNH!
Julia: AAH!
Roger: OHH...
OH, COME ON! DON'T CALL
SECURITY, ALL RIGHT? HEY!
[RATTLES DOOR]
[FLEETWOOD MAC'S TUSK PLAYING]
Christian: [GRUNTING]
♪ WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM
WHAT'S GOING ON ♪
Christian: YOU'RE FEELING
YOU IN A GOOD MOOD 'CAUSE IT'S
Sean: ACTUALLY, CHRISTIAN, I GOT
Christian: GOOD FOR YOU.
Sean: I SLEPT WITH KIMBER.
Christian: HOW MUCH DID YOU
PAY HER?
Sean: 15 BLADE.
♪ JUST TELL ME THAT
YOU WANT ME
AIEE ♪
♪ TUSK ♪
Sean: I WAS AN ANIMAL WITH HER.
I DIDN'T THINK I HAD IT IN ME.
I DIDN'T THINK I WAS THAT GUY.
ANYWAY, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW.
Christian: I CAN NOT BELIEVE
YOU, SEAN.
Sean: YOU DISCARDED HER LIKE A
SERIOUSLY GONNA GET TERRITORIAL
HERE?
Christian: NOT AT ALL,
SECONDS FOR ALL I CARE.
Sean: WHY AM I THE HYPOCRITE?
Christian: OH, FOR CHRIST'S
OUT OF YOUR PUCKERED LITTLE
I *** PATIENTS.
Sean: AND IF YOU REMEMBER, MY
OUTRAGE WAS DIRECTED AT HOW YOU
TREATED THEM AFTER YOU BANGED
THEM.
Christian: IT'S A PITY YOU
DIDN'T LEARN FROM THE ERROR OF
MY WAYS.
Sean: YOU CAN'T STAND TO SEE
BOTHERING YOU. YOU TREAT WOMEN
LIKE ***. THINKING ABOUT HER
WITH ME JUST RUBBED YOUR FACE
Christian: YOU'RE JUST BITTER
AND TRYING TO SETTLE THE SCORE.
Sean: I THINK I ALREADY DID.
Nurse: YOUR WIFE IS ON
THE PHONE.
Sean: I'M IN SURGERY. TAKE A
Nurse: SHE'S CRYING.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Sean: WHERE IS MY WIFE?
Roger: YOUR WIFE?
OK, OK, LOOK, I DID NOT KNOW
THIS, ALL RIGHT? I THOUGHT SHE
WAS A ***.
Sean: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
HERSELF IN YOUR BATHROOM. SHE
SAID YOU WERE VIOLENT.
Roger: LISTEN, CALM DOWN, ALL
WANTED TO GET LAID.
Sean: YOU'RE FULL OF ***.
Roger: I THOUGHT SHE WAS A
REASONABLE ASSUMPTION. SHE
PICKED ME UP IN A *** BAR.
AND THEN WE GET UP HERE, AND I
TAKE MY TOY OUT, AND SHE JUST
WHIGS OUT. LISTEN, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY IF I WAS INSENSITIVE,
ALL RIGHT? BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT
PEOPLE TO THINK THAT YOU'RE A
***, YOU SHOULDN'T ACT
LIKE ONE.
Sean: YOU LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF
ARE HOOKERS.
Roger: OK.
I'M GONNA...I'M GOING FOR A
NIGHTCAP. GET YOUR WIFE OUT OF
MY BATHROOM. TAKE HER HOME.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Julia: OH, MY GOD, SEAN. I'M SO
SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.
Sean: WHAT...WERE YOU THINKING,
JULIA?
Julia: LOOK, JUST GET ME OUT OF
HERE. I'LL EXPLAIN IN THE CAR.
Sean: I GET IT. I TOTALLY GET
IT. IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAFFLE
IRON. YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. YOU
CAN'T LET GO. SO YOU'RE GONNA
KEEP FINDING WAYS TO PREY ON MY
SYMPATHY, THROW YOURSELF IN
FRONT OF ME, MAKE ME COME AND
PICK UP THE PIECES OF YOUR SAD
LITTLE LIFE.
Julia: OH, YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE I
WANTED YOU TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.
OH, ALL I WANTED WAS JUST A
GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED, MINDLESS
*** ENCOUNTER.
HOW AM I ANY DIFFERENT FROM YOU,
SEAN?
Sean: I DIDN'T CALL YOU SOBBING
AND BEGGING YOU TO COME GET ME.
TAKE A TAXI HOME. AND FOR GOD'S
SAKE, GET YOURSELF CLEANED UP
BEFORE ANNIE SEES YOU.
[JAMES TAYLOR'S DON'T LET ME BE
LONELY TONIGHT BEGINS]
♪ DO ME WRONG
DO ME RIGHT,
TELL ME LIES
BUT HOLD ME TIGHT,
SAVE YOUR GOOD-BYES
FOR THE MORNING LIGHT,
BUT DON'T LET ME
BE LONELY TONIGHT ♪
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
Kimber: HEY, SEAN, IT'S ME,
KIMBER. I HAD TO GO TO ORLANDO
FOR A CONVENTION, SO I LEFT YOU
THE NEXT BEST THING. BRAND-NEW,
IMPROVED MISS KIMBER DOLL.
ENJOY.
♪ DON'T SAY YES
BUT PLEASE DON'T SAY NO
I DON'T WANT
TO BE LONELY TONIGHT ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT
TO BE LONELY TONIGHT ♪
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]