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Okay so, the only reason we’re staying with is women is because her name is threesome lover?
Yeah.
Okay but wait, what if she wants to have a threesome with us?
Or all three of us?
Well that would be a ***. ‘Cause a threesome is two chicks and one guy.
Duh.
My couch surfers!
You have no idea how eager I have been for you guys to get here!
I'm Bethany.
Hello, I'm Dr. Armen Cundell. This is Travis, Jake.
They can take care of any small household chores you may have have.
You and I can get right to the threesome.
Oh, actually, you know I was just gonna sit a watch while you guys got on with the triplets.
And I'm out.
Stay the course.
Say hi girls.
Here's one for you.
*babies crying*
Come on in guys.
Alright diapers, Mr. Bear and yep, more diaper. We are set for our trip to the park.
*gasp* We're going to the park?
Uh-huh, yeah you are. And I'm going to two dollar margaritas.
You're gonna leave us here alone with your kids?
Look. I haven't slept in months, my husband is never around,
and I breast feed the threesome so much, my rack is literally about to erupt.
Everytime they cry I'm just popping my shirt open.
Don't forget their naps!
Jake! No!
I didn't know a human could do this.
Have you looked your baby in the eyes yet?
No but, I think I'm going to have nightmares because of what I've seen in the last ten seconds.
For the rest of my life I will have nightmares.
I feel like she knows everything about me.
Uh Jake, can you help me change this diaper?
Jake, please, Jake? Jake? Oh god.
Okay.
Ooo what a cute baby.
Move on lady. She's not for sale.
Look baby, it's a rough world out there. The most important thing you can know is how to defend yourself.
You're lucky you wound up with me.
Wow. You were serious about having a baby.
Well I didn't have it.
Yeah I know that.
Oh my god. Look how cute she is. Look at her little nose. Can she be ours? Just kidding.
Why yes. She can be ours.
Okay what is the average speed of a train that travels 302 miles in 4.3 hours.
Is it A. 65 miles per hour, B. 78, C. 82, or D. 61?
Oh my god.
Oh my god, your right.
It is none of the above. Oh my god. Oh.
Guys, guys you will not believe how smart my baby is.
She's like Stephen Hawking or something accept, you know, she can walk.
What?
I mean she can't walk yet but she will eventually.
Knock on wood.
Hey we should head back, it's not safe here.
Oh? Wow Okay.
So then you coming?
Of course I can't leave our little baby girl.
Where is their mom?
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, ,chug, chug, chug ,chug ,chug!
So when your in your first knife fight remember grip under-hand.
Stabbing up causes more damage.
And go for the stomach.
Now the thigh is more painful.
But to give Mr. Bear a slow pain death it's stab and carve.
I can't believe she hit me.
She gets it from you, it's all those UFC fights you watch.
Oh, sure. So it's my fault?
Maybe if you hadn't given her all that sugar she wouldn't be so riled up.
She loves fruit loops.
I'm sure she loves ***. Are you gonna give her that too?
Really great parenting.
Now let's talk for a minute about conflict escalation.
*baby giggles*
Okay chicken or octopus?
Octopus, really? Okay interesting.
Okay, last one. Fire truck or hearse?
Hearse. Okay, wow.
Okay. Let me just tally up your score.
And your score is 257.
Okay that's not even on the score card. That doesn't sound right.
Okay, umm. hold on.
0kay the only person to get a score over 250 is Ted Kasi.
Ted Kazinc.
Ted Kaczynski.
Ted Kaczynzki! No. No.
Is it done?
No it's not done.
Well don't over cook it. You over cook it, it's no good. It defeats it's own purpose.
What are you doing?
I just said don't over cook it and you're over cooking it. Bring it over.
You want your steak?
-Bring it over. It's like a piece of charcoal. Bring it over. -You want your steak?
Alright here. Can't wait til it's done?
No, it can't wait.
There, you happy?
-Yeah. -You happy?
Yeah.
Eat it.
Hey what are you doing?
I'm inducing fetal alcohol syndrome.
Why?
Beacuse I don't want my baby sending bombs through the mail, Travis.
What are you talking about? She's a baby.
Oh yeah it starts with a baby and ends with a unibomber.
Unibomber?
I'm ending this beofore it begins.
Give it.
Oh great.
Flood your system with poison while we're still feeding.
You know almost everyone is going to tell you to leave the safety on until you're ready to shoot.
But if the safety's on, you're not ready to shoot. So just always leave it off.
Did you remember their naps?