Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
You know when it comes to sex, science is just like not in women's favor.
It's not.
Do you know that it's a scientific fact that when a woman comes, she releases a love hormone.
So she becomes like in love with the guy.
That's terrible.
That means that you could be dating
and I'm being purely hypothetical right now
But you could be dating a narcissistic, raging alcoholic,
cries everytime he hears Every Rose Has Its Thorn
Loser!
And if he can make you *** really hard, twice, and then a third time
You might actually think
Hey I think this is someone I could spend the rest of my life with.
That's insane.
Leave me alone!
Did you just say Leave Me Alone!
Exactly!
Because men are the opposite!
Because when a man *** he's like
Ohhhh! I must go spread my talents to every other woman!
That's why I'm going to try something new.
A lot of women fake ***.
I'm going to fake not ***.
Yeah So I'll be like oh yes I am half Asian yes I am half Asian!
Oh Sayonara Konichiwa!!! Ahhh!
No... No, not even close. I always come. That's so weird.
You know, most women wouldn't put up with this, but I'm willing to work with you.
Yeah, you should really call me again.
Practice makes perfect.
Men always categorize the women they've been with by their ethnicity.
They do. They're always like I got a Brazilian, I got a Colombian, a Tunisian, I've also got
that Argentian.
We're not trading cards.
That's the other reason men are disappointed when I tell them I'm not half-Asian?
That card's worth a lot of money.
I could never do that.
I can't even fake ***.
I'm always like Not happening, not happening, not happening
Oh ***, now it's really not happening.
Good for you.
I have been confused about orgasms though.
Seriously, like men have you ever been with a woman
and she's just like "Oh-- I came."
ANd you're like "Really?"
She's like "I think so."
It's because we're so damned confusing down there.
We have like ten categories of ***.
It's why I could never be a lesbian. I'd get tendinitis.
I'd be the laziest lesbian ever.
And I play guitar so I need my hands.
And to get myself off.
Hello, help yourself before you help others.
I'd be the laziest lesbian.
I'd just be like zzzzzzz
You good?
All right.
Good night.
Oh ***, wait wait wait, I lied.
I do fake it.
I fake it when I'm sexting.
You know-- cuz let's face it.
You're not always in the mood.
Sometimes you're tired.
The only way to end a sexting conversation is by ***.
You can't say, Lol to I want to come on your face.
You can do a smiley face, but you have to make sure the eyes are closed.
So I fake it.
And then he's like all right, now it's my turn.
I'm like no-- cuz you know in the real world after you come, that's it for me.
In sexting world, after I ***, you're the one who gets ***.